DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"Did we just get our butts kicked by Trident? (...) You don't even know who that is, do you? (...) Yeah, I just let my team get beat by someone named after a toothpaste. (...) How could this get worse? Oh, that's how. We have to be saved by the Older Titans. How lame to have your "big brother" come fight your fights. Thanks, Nightwing. Dick." Robin, Teen Titans, Wednesday Comics #2.
Sorry I'm late, but I've been behind in my comic reading... and if I don't finish the comics for a given week (or at least those I received), I prefer not to write the column. This is the column for comics released on 07/15; so let's get on with it. Kal cracked the DT! this time; Destro talks about "Hiesenberg Uncertainty Principles"... ignoring the fact that it's just one principle, not several, the name is "Heisenberg", not "Hiesenberg". Badge for you, my Canuck friend!
The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was Amazing Spider-Man #599... great ending for a great saga ("American Son"), and like I always say, that book is S.O.L.I.D. (wow, that whole acronym thing was so 90s...), and it always delivers. Worst Book Of The Week? Final Crisis Aftermath: Escape #3... God, what a piece of crap. Not only is this a horrible "The Prisoner" rip-off, the art is incredibly subpar, it's unbelievable someone is getting paid for drawing that. Look at the dissection for that book in this column and you'll see what I mean.
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"AIRPOST."
TITLE: Air (DC/Vertigo).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: G. Willow Wilson (writer).
DISSECTION: Gee-Wee... what the heck is a "passpost?"
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"MORE THAN TWIST IN MY SOBRIETY."
TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).
ISSUE: 599.
CULPRIT: Joe Kelly (writer).
DISSECTION: Boy, are we glad Harry Osborn's "sobreity" is not in danger any longer...
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Oh, and Jeromy (Cox), while you colored Norman's eyes correctly... you didn't do the same with Harry. His eyes should be blue, not green.
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"BLACKEST EMBLEM."
TITLE: Blackest Night: Tales Of The Corps. (DC).
ISSUE: 01 of 03.
CULPRIT: Doug Mahnke (penciller, Green Lantern Corps profile).
DISSECTION: Hal Jordan's chest emblem is wrong... and so are Kyle Rayner's and John Stewart's. In fact, the emblems on the latter two is more similar to Hal's correct emblem than the one Mahnke gave him. Really, Hal Jordan's chest emblem is way simpler and, structurally speaking, even more iconic than those worn by Batman and Superman.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
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"OH! MY PRETTY FACE!!!"
TITLE: Blackest Night (DC).
ISSUE: 01 of 04.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: Damage says that when the Secret Society killed the Freedom Fighters, he was left with "a crushed naval cavity and a mangled profile". What? "Naval cavity"? Is that where you hide boats? It can't be a "navel" cavity, since there's no such thing, really, medically speaking... or since his face got fucked up... was it his "NASAL" cavity? I'm pretty sure I would have spotted this one, but Mean Jeff spotted it first, so he gets a badge.
Here's what Jeff had to say about Damage's whining: "(...) Damage talks about how he saw his former team mates, the Freedom Fighters, get killed while he was on their roster. "I was left alive with a crushed naval {sic} cavity and a mangled profile," he says. A crushed naval cavity? Sooo...he got punched in the belly button and it ruined his side-pose?"
I agree with you, Jeff, and thanks for e-mailing me saying that you're a loyal reader and "always a fan". It warms my heart, you have no idea how much.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, there's nine instances of wrong GL emblems (on Hal, Guy, and Kilowog), as well as wrong coloring on Kyle Rayner's Ion costume gloves.
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"THE BRAVE AND THE 'STACHED."
TITLE: The Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 25.
CULPRIT: Adam Beechen (writer).
DISSECTION: Blue Beetle wonders if Hardware has a moustache... when he can see his face perfectly, since Hardware's helmet is open-faced.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"EYE OF THE GOBLIN."
TITLE: Dark Avengers (Marvel).
ISSUE: 07.
CULPRIT: Rain Beredo (colorist).
DISSECTION: Again, Norman Osborn's eyes are colored brown instead of blue. Yes, it's a minor mistake, that doesn't detract from enjoyment of the story... but how hard is it to check character references when you are given a job to do? I'm sorry if I come across as too harsh, but that's very unprofessional. I mean, Beredo's not a full author, pencilling, writing, inking, coloring, etc... he just has to color the comic. Yes, it's no easy task, and I can't do it... but he just has to color it... and get the colors of character features right.
EDIT: Just after I finished this column, Rain Beredo left a comment on column #122 letting me know that he colors Norman's eyes brown by order of Tom Breevort. Thanks. Rain.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"NEGATIVE DISSECTION."
TITLE: Dark Reign: Mr. Negative (Marvel).
ISSUE: 02 of 03.
CULPRIT: Gianluca Gugliotta (artist).
DISSECTION: Spot me this one, please:
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"SUPER FRIENDS OF WORD BALLOONS."
TITLE: DC Super Friends (DC).
ISSUE: 15.
CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer).
DISSECTION: Flash's word balloon points, and is positioned over Chronos
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"PLEASE, MISTER."
TITLE: Descendant (Image).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Michael Dolce & Marcus Perry (writers).
DISSECTION: The Spanish word for "mister" is "señor", not "senor". Gracias.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"FIRE... TO HIS PENCILS."
TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Escape (DC).
ISSUE: 03 of 06.
CULPRIT: Marco Rudy (penciller).
DISSECTION: God... How does Rudy get a job pencilling? Look, let me show you Fire, Beatriz da Costa, one of the sexiest women in the DC Universe:
Sexy, right? And this is how Rudy draws her:
Not only does Rudy have the artistic ability of Robocop (which wouldn't be a dissection on its own), but he draws Fire with a completely different shaped head and hair from panel to panel.
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. The horror.
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"NOW, THAT'S IMAGE RESOLUTION!"
TITLE: Punisher V8 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 07.
CULPRIT: Rick Remender (writer).
DISSECTION: Punisher's new hacker (don't remember his name, don't care) verifies The Wraith's identity by using a S.H.I.E.L.D. satellite to READ HIS DNA. I'm sorry, but if S.H.I.E.L.D. satellites could read DNA (which is absurd, even in a fantasy world as Marvel's), we would have heard about it before... you know, the millions of times when there's characters whose identity is unknown, or doppelgangers. So... no.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"SCALPING LETTERS."
TITLE: Scalped (DC/Vertigo).
ISSUE: 30.
CULPRIT: Steve Wands (letterer).
DISSECTION: R.M. Guéra's name in the credits has an "é" smaller than the rest of the letters.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"NEW ADVERTISING TECHNIQUES."
TITLE: Star Trek: Crew (IDW).
ISSUE: 05 of 05.
CULPRIT: Chris Ryan (editor).
DISSECTION: If it's the end of July, and the adaptation of Star Trek: TWOK is already over... why is there an advertising for it on this book, reading "JUNE 2009" in big blue and red font?
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Yes, it could be an add to get you to buy the back issues, but...
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"IRIS OF THE EYES."
TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 02 of 12.
CULPRIT: Dave McCaig (colorist, Flash Comics).
DISSECTION: Iris eyes are colored incorrectly again. And the Teen Titans costumes are all wrong, but I've come to accept that none of these stories are in continuity.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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That's it then, we have a 6.6 Bazzars average in twenty-seven dissections. Before we finish this (late column, and it'll make the next one late again, I'm afraid), here's the Moments Of The Week. First up, sexual freedom was more common in the forties than I thought:
"BUT I AM NOT A MAN, I AM MARVEX, THE SUPER ROBOT!" Next, you know I'm a sucker for Green Lantern:
Even if Hal's chest emblem is wrong... oh, and his ring emblem is wrong too! Another dissection! But then Blackest Night gives me the creeps:
I winced and cried out "OH FUCK!" when I saw that. Next, what's a new Avengers' headquarters without Jarvis?
Thank God it's self-cleaning!
That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
2 comments:
Is this weeks DT! when Norman says "...outfitted you with a new exoskeleton."?
From what I know an exoskeleton gets it's name because it's an exterior skeleton, as in outside your body. Hammarhead actually got a whole new regular skeleton, as in inside his body.
You know, another reader brought this to my attention; but this is a pencilling dissection, so that's not the case.
As for the exoskeleton, I think Hammerhead's new implants have external components (that can be seen under his clothes), which make it qualify as an exoskeleton. However, I will take a look at the issues in question and confirm that, and if so, give both of you a badge.
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