The Dissector

The Dissector #123.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"(...) Everywhere one turns, hysterical ninnies burden themselves with faith in such fairy tales as astrology, UFOs, sasquatches, and forms of child rearing which involve scarcely any time in the military whatsoever. I cannot begin to tell you how deeply this is wounding this great nation of ours! (...) I therefore urge each and every one of you, from the bottom of my heart, to be ever vigilant against the forces of credulity! (...) And give that mumbo-jumbo the karate chop of logic it so richly deserves!" Sam The Eagle, The Muppet Show #4.

Something tells me Sam didn't vote for Obama. Welcome to a late column, but at least I still have time to catch up and publish the next one in time. Vacations have made me lazy, I have to admit it; but here's the column about books released on 07/01.

Last week's DT! wasn't cracked; what's happening guys? Problem here was that the Golden Age Vision calls the Red Skull "Shmidt", when his last name is "Schmidt". Well, let's get into The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was Bang! Tango #6, a good ending for a fun miniseries. Worst Book Of The Week was Strange Adventures V2 #6... I don't know what Starlin thinks he's doing, but this book sucks... Dissections, now, please:
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"CUT ONE EHAD..."

TITLE: Astonishing Tales V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: C.B. Cebulski & Jim McCann (writers).

DISSECTION: Agents of "Hyrda"? LOL!

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"OOOH... SPOOKY..."

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 31.

CULPRIT: Peter Milligan (writer).

DISSECTION: How long are writers going to milk the "I thought the Batman was a myth" shtick? It's okay to say so when it's a story set in Bats' beginnings; but after some time, particularly his stints in the JLA (and JLI), everybody in the world knows who Batman is. You might play with the idea that people don't know he's just a regular man, people believing he's supernatural... but nobody can doubt his existence.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"LONG TIME NO DISSECT."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 122.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Johnny Doe called my attention to the fact that I wrote "Long time no seeing" instead of "no see". Sorry, and thanks Johnny.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"FIREWRONG."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: Firestorm has been Jason Rusch for a while, but they keep drawing Ronnie Raymond's costume and coloring his face as if he was Caucasian... Not to mention John Stewart's chest emblem being drawn incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for Firestorm's costume.
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"FOR DAXAM, DISSECT THIS!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 38.

CULPRIT: Patrick Gleason (penciller).

DISSECTION: Let's see if you get this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, they got Kyle Rayner's emblem wrong.
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"HERE, KITTY KITTY."

TITLE: Secret Six V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Jason Wright (colorist).

DISSECTION: Catman's eyes should be blue, not green.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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This week we had an average of 6.7 Bazzars in thirteen dissections. Let's get the Moments Of The Week on the table, so we can finish and I can get to work on the next column. First, Jonathan Hickman has obviously read his New Mutant comics:



Magnum, the white Shaft of the 80s! Then, don't you mess with Mother's Milk:


Ow, that hurts... And finally, if Wonder Woman finds you near the body of one of her sisters:


You're screwed... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!