The Dissector

The Dissector #107.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"C'mon, stud. Get swollen and purple for mama Maxine." Maxine (aka Ladytron) to Maul, WildCats V5 #06.

Last column of 2008! Almost two weeks into 2009! Yay! Here are the dissections from the books released on 12/24; after this column I'll release the nominees for the vote-in awards for the 2008 Autopsy Awards. Straight up, let me give you The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo: Dogs of War #5, a good final issue for a good mini. Worst Book Of The Week was Skaar: Son Of Hulk #6, because it's like a second rate Conan/Hulk mix.

DrSilent once more spotted the DT!, and it was the fact that Nightcrawler's costume was incorrectly colored. One more badge for you, Lieutenant. Now go, fetch me a beer while I write the dissections!
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"THIS IS JUST TWO TENTHS OF A DISSECTION."

TITLE: CONTRACT Solo Missions: Panzer (A First Salvo).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Charles Shell & Garan Madeiros (writers).

DISSECTION: The planet "Tropica" is said to be "covered 4/5th by oceans"; "four fifths" or even "4/5ths" would be better.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"THE DISECTORR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 90.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I spelled the name of the book "Guerillas" as "Guerrillas". In my defense, the correct spelling of the word in Spanish is "guerrilla", as a loanword in English it's been changed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, in #102, I wrote "add" when I meant "ad".
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"THE SLASH: FASTEST MAN ALIVE.."

TITLE: The Flash V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 247.

CULPRIT: Rachel Gluckstern & Eddie Berganza (editors).

DISSECTION: Where the "next issue" blurb would be, there's an announcement about the ending of the book and the upcoming "Flash: Rebirth"... however, there's a slash inserted completely at random in the text. Speaking of the end of this book, why another book cancellation to restart something... I mean, Hal Jordan can be Green Lantern along Kyle Rayner and thousands of others, but is there really a place for Barry Allen and Wally West?

Barry is loved by many, but Wally West earned his place as "the" Flash (no, Jay doesn't count, he's the "old Flash", a second-string character), and much of the modern DCU is revolves around the fact that Wally has been Flash (except for Bart's brief stint) for about 25 years... Now, don't get me wrong, I don't have a favorite Flash, I'm not "taking a side" here... but I just wanted to rant about it a bit. That said, a Geoff Johns "rebirth" mini has the potential to be as good as "Green Lantern: Rebirth"...

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"DISSECTION WARFARE."

TITLE: Guerillas (Image).

ISSUE: 03 of 09.

CULPRIT: Brahm Revel (writer, in this case)

DISSECTION: Okay, a writing one for you guys:


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, it's just atrocious. Also, the word "motivation" is spelled "motovation".
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"SOCK!"

TITLE: Rann/Thanagar Holy War (DC).

ISSUE: 08 of 08.

CULPRIT: Ron Lim (penciller) and/or John Kalisz (colorist).

DISSECTION: And of course, for the last issue, Animal Man still runs around in his socks.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"SEKRIT INVASHUN."

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Requiem (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Jim Shooter (writer) and/or Janice Chiang (letterer), original story printed in Avengers V1 #213.

DISSECTION: Tigra says "aquittal", when the right spelling is "acquittal".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"TOTAL ACCESS!"

TITLE: Vigilante V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Marv Wolfman (writer).

DISSECTION: Wolfman (is that a cool last name, or what?) confuses "JLA access" for "Checkmate access" when it comes to access to computer networks.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"AUNT MAY KEEPS IT FOR FETISH ROLEPLAY WITH SKRULL JARVIS."

TITLE: What If? Spider-Man Back In Black (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Steven Grant (writer).

DISSECTION: In the original storyline, Spider-Man has to go retrieve his black costume from a hiding spot (webbed under a gargoyle in high atop building, where it had been for years, but that's another dissection); while here he exits his motel room right after MJ is killed already decked in black threads.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. It might be too much, but one panel of him retrieving the costume or a "an hour later" thing would have been easy to write into the story.
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"GUUUY IN REEEEEEEEEEED!"

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 27.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).

DISSECTION: Etta Candy says that Nemesis (for the purpose of not incriminating him) is "just some random dude in black"... but he's wearing a red uniform.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzars. Yeah, it could be a figure of speech relating to the fact that he always wears black.
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Well, check it out... no "other languages" dissections! This column has a low average, at 4.2 Bazzars (in eleven dissections) it's the lowest one since #91's 3.7... Feh, as if anyone cares... Let's go away with the Moments... Moment Of The Week. What the hell is Cap doing with his hand down a guy's pants?


I guess "When Captain America shoves his hand down your pants!" doesn't quite have the same ring. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!