The Dissector

The Dissector #143.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"We are your gods! And not docile Morgan Freeman God, we're talking full-force, 110% Jack Kirby Gods! With armor and Omega Beams and chess pieces made to look like my enemies!" Wannabe warlocks at a convention, Angel #27.

Welcome to the column for 12/03, as we, quite obviously, near the end of 2009. Right of the bat, Donald313 noticed that Vibe's grave doesn't have enough space for the rest of his last name, "Ramone" (obscured behind him rising as a Black Lantern) to fit. Badge for you, El-Tee.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week is actually from a few weeks ago, but there was absolutely no other book this week that deserved even to share this spot with... Comic Book Comics #4. Fred Van Lente and Ryan Dunlavey deliver, as they did with Action Philosophers, a great telling of the history of our medium, with hilarious humor and really good information for even someone like me, who considers himself pretty knowledgeable about the subject. Worst Book Of The Week? Batman: Unseen #5, with bad art, and horrible characterization of Batman. The only good part? It's the last issue of this fiasco.

The Rundown: Angel (issue #26, while checking the names of the warlocks from the quote, which weren't there, and only one of them was named in #27, I noticed that the toy-style cover says "seperately"), Batman: Unseen (horrible costume exaggeration, eyes without details), Black Widow & The Marvel Girls (wrong eye color for Black Widow, someone in Russian using the Anglicization of her last name, "Romanoff"), Blackest Night: The Flash (wrong costume on Kid Flash, Donna Troy's wound is missing, Gorilla City is not hidden by a special frequency only Flashes can match), Dark Avengers (the Sentry doesn't wear gloves as part of his costume), DC Nation 12/03 (a space is missing between two words), The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (horrible Spanish as usual, including using male adjectives for the Virgin Mary), Hulk: Winter Guard (fake Russian), Psylocke (Psylocke has green eyes first, then blue eyes; when they should be violet, and Yukio, a Japanese character, has blue eyes), Superman: World Of New Krypton (house crests on Kryptonian clothes change between panels). Dissections it is, then.
<-------------------------------->
"AUTHORITATIVE DISSECTION."

TITLE: The Authority V4 (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Drew Johnson (penciller).

DISSECTION: From a couple of months ago; but right off the bat, DISSECT THIS!


Pretty easy, I'll say.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. It could be a double, but I'm being lenient and just counting it as one.
<-------------------------------->
"THE LOST EARS."

TITLE: The Authority: The Lost Year (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 03 of 12.

CULPRIT: Darick Robertson (penciller).

DISSECTION: Swift is portrayed with pointed ears, when her ears are normal. She has, occasionally, from what I've seen, been portrayed with pointy ears, and sometimes her ears change shape even within the same issue, and the same page, in old issues, although she usually has normal ears. That, coupled with the fact that she has the ability to shift her hands and feet from normal to talon-like, makes me give this a low rating, though.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Her eyes, however, should be brown, not blue.
<-------------------------------->
"DEITY!"

TITLE: The Authority: The Lost Year (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 03 of 12.

CULPRIT: Keith Giffen (script).

DISSECTION: Really, Keith? The Doctor, aka Habib bin Hassan, a former Palestinian suicide bomber who is the world's shaman, its "Sorcerer Supreme" utters "Jesus wept!" when surprised? Really?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ALL-STAR, TRULY."

TITLE: JSA All-Stars (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: Among many other things (including a lettering balloon pointing at the wrong character, Cyclone costume mistakes, wacky anatomy, and the word "menatally"... well, I've listed everything except Magog's eye being the wrong color, so there...), Power Girl's costume sleeve is torn in battle, and the shape and location of the tears change incongruously between panels.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"KABLOOEY."

TITLE: Spin Angels (Marvel/Soleil).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Jean-Luc Sala (writer).

DISSECTION: You know I've been enjoying this book greatly, as one reviewer put it, it's "a head-on collision between John Woo and John Paul II". However, I really don't understand how a gas used to prevent ancient documents from deteriorating would be highly flammable, as to ignite with a flash grenade into a huge explosion.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PUBIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE."

TITLE: Superman: Secret Origin (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe noticed that Perry White talks about the Daily Planet's "pubisher". JD, one badge more and you make Lieutenant Commander!

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THOU HAST LETTERED THY COMIC INCORRECTLY!"

TITLE: Thor V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 604.

CULPRIT: Joe Sabino (letterer) and/or Alejandro Arbona (assistant editor), Ralph Macchio & Warren Simmons (editors).

DISSECTION: The recent Thor one-shot had a preview of this issue, which, as usual, ended with "CONTINUED IN THOR #604"... but they left the "CONTINUED..." blurb on that page's art for this issue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Also, CeeCee, I hate to call you on it, but Doctor Doom has brown eyes, not blue eyes.
<-------------------------------->
"THERE'S A RAT IN MY KITCHEN."

TITLE: X-Force V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual #01.

CULPRIT: Jason Pearson (artist).

DISSECTION: Who the hell is that wererat?


Oh... it's supposed to be Wolfsbane. WOLFsbane, Pearson.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Fabian Cortez's hair is the wrong color.
<-------------------------------->
Well, that was a 6.3 Bazzars average on thirty-nine dissections, expectable. Now, I'm kinda rushing this, because I'm late already... here's the cover of the week:


Stunning cover to Thor #604 by Olivier Coipel, Mark Morales, and Laura Martin. Now, Moments Of The Week! First up, we learn how Jack Kirby escapes from Marvel for the second time:


Bwa-hah-hah!!! Next one is not that funny, but it still made me smile:


Well, he IS Fabio-esque. Now, Batman becomes invisible:


Sort of... that means Brucie is wearing his cape and mask only... what could be worse than that?


Well, a completely naked invisible Bruce Wayne, facing a naked skinless man in a dubious position!!! Now, I understand that it'd be good beefcake for the lady readers... but Batman should keep some of his dignity... and clothes... Next, the truth about The Great Darkness Saga:


Keith Giffen has a dartboard in his studio with a picture of Paul Levitz on it! And now, Heaven hopefully looks like this:


BOOGIE WONDERLAND!!! *disco dances around* Damn right! Or... Blessed right! And speaking of godly things...


It's time to teach you a lesson, Doom!!! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!