Friday, December 04, 2009

The Dissector #142.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)


"So one Green Lantern baddie. One giant skeleton-guy. One freaky Guardian. And a Black Lantern in a pear tree." Flash (Wally West), Blackest Night #5.

Good afternoon, or whatever time of the day it is while you read this, the column for comics released on the week of 11/25 (as usual, with a few books from previous weeks). The end of the year is near, which means that the third annual Autopsy Awards are coming! Nominees will be announced sometime in the first two weeks of January in a special column, and while I've been setting aside my own choices, readers are welcome to submit proposals for Best Quote, Best Moment, Best Cover, and special awards.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Detective Comics #859; Greg Rucka provides an interesting main story with Batwoman's past, and a great second feature with The Question; although the art for the latter is nowhere as good as J. H. Williams' art for the main story. Superman: Secret Origins was almost book of the week, with enjoyable plot and good art (except for my usual gripe about Gary Frank's faces for Clark), but I really can't get behind Geoff John's decisions to have Ron Troupe and Cat Grant working at the Daily Planet before Clark. Worst of all, I can't accept the Daily Planet being a failed newspaper that can barely stay afloat, with the added insult that Perry White is a has been that's too scared to publish stories on City Hall's corruption or inefficiency, for example. Geoff, this takes away a lot of value from Perry as a character, implying that the only reason the planet is a great newspaper is because Clark is there, bringing in the Superman exclusives...

Worst Book Of The Week? Well, simply Super Friends #21. I don't know why I still read this book; it aims at children while basically treating them as idiots; forgetting also to aim for their parents, like Franklin Richards: Son Of A Genius or Tiny Titans do. No one cracked the DT!; the problem was that Bucky-Cap says that Captain America was pulled out of the water and brought into "this decade"; and sliding timeline or not, there's no way Steve was revived in 2001...

Here is The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man ("Michele" Gonzales), Blackest Night (Hal's badge, Wally West's mask, Kid Flash's costume), Dark Avengers: Ares (Ares eyes are colored blue), Detective Comics (Huntress' costume is wrong), Dominic Fortune (Dominic's eyes are colored incorrectly on the cover, accented letter), Fantastic Four V1 (Psionics' eyes are colored wrong), Green Lantern V4 (the issue happens before Blackest Night #5, but it says it happens before issue #6... still technically correct, but...), Guardians of the Galaxy V2 (Starlord's eyes are colored incorrectly), Incredible Hercules (USAgent, then his shield and costume are colored incorrectly on the cover, Wolverine's and Ares' eyes are colored incorrectly), Justice League: Cry For Justice (Hal's badge, Jay Garrick's hair, Vixen's skin is colored as if she were the same skin tone as the Caucasian characters around her), The Last Resort (bad Spanish, an accented letter actually has an apostrophe next to it instead of an accent on top of it), New Avengers (Captain America's eyes are wrong, H.A.M.M.E.R. soldiers have wrong uniforms, and Daredevil's mask is wrong), New Mutants V3 (mentioning Magik's, uhm, magical abilities might be nice in the character's power listing), Super Friends V2 (Aquaman's eyes are wrong), Ultimate Comics Avengers (a fired bullet doesn't look like a bullet right out of the box), Uncanny X-Men (Namor's eyes should be grey, not blue), Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Spider-Girl's and JJJ's eyes are colored incorrectly, plus "Burmuda" is not a country), World's Finest V3 (Guardian's eyes are brown, which is wrong, then blue, the right color), X-Men Forever V2 (eye colors, accented letters, "Woverine", Beast and Ororo with the wrong eye design, and most of all, Chris, it's "Spetsnatz", or even "Specnatz", but not "Spetsnatst"), Zorro (the usual ton of accented letters and "ñ"s, several incorrect uses of the Spanish language, even a misspelled English word, and Zorro's eyes colored incorrectly).

Speaking of Zorro, I received the latest two issues late; #16 from last month had no wrong uses of the Spanish language by the writer, only lettering mistakes; and I will admit that #17 (from the week before the one for this column) didn't have that many Spanish atrocities. However, I'm very, very irked at how Matt Wagner, the book's writer, keeps using Spanish words and expressions in the dialogue that, for the readers benefit, is translated to English. The same way as "tovarishti" should have been translated in that X-Men forever dialogue, there should be no Spanish words in Zorro's dialogue. I wrote an e-mail to Dynamite Entertainment, where I tell them how much I enjoy the comic, but how sloppy and disrespectful this way of writing is... I've posted it on a few places to share my concerns with my fellow readers, so read it if you want, and if it bothers you too (even if you're not a Spanish-speaker), write an e-mail to Dynamite. You can haz disecshuns nao:

TITLE: Arkham Reborn (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: David Hine (writer).

DISSECTION: Even in the most hippie mental facility, are we really supposed to believe that a dangerous criminal, particularly one like Killer Croc who has a bloody jacuzzi in his cell, nay, room, will have an accessible, open electrical outlet?


TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Christos N. Gage (writer) and/or Rachel Pinnelas (assistant editor) & Bill Roseman (editor).

DISSECTION: The intro blurb says "... after Stamford, Connecticut was destroyed..."; but Stamford was not destroyed, a school and surrounding houses in Stamford were destroyed.


TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Christos N. Gage (writer).

DISSECTION: Tigra claims to have empathic abilities; but she never had such powers. Hellcat, on the other hand, which is a different character (Tigra was "The Cat") used to have some psionic abilities, and still has a few echoes of them.


TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 132.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I credited Black Panther artist Will Conrad as "Will Conrado".


TITLE: G.I. Joe Origins (IDW).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Andrea Mutti (artist).

DISSECTION: This was almost this week's DT!; a terrorist ignites a computer with a termite bomb to get rid of data; and Scarlet tries to salvage the hard drive. While she kicks the computer tower, it changes shape and size.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, a phrase in Gaeilge is spelled incorrectly.

TITLE: Gotham Sirens (DC).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).

DISSECTION: Gaggy, the Joker's former sidekick, tells a tale of the first time the Joker went to prison, or at least of the last time he went to jail before being declared insane and sent to Arkham Asylum. Problem is, that according to the recent Joker origin told in Batman Confidential #7-12, the first time he was captured he went straight to Arkham.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Poison Ivy claims she "didn't bring enough vines" to free herself and Catwoman from a trap; when we've seen her cause gigantic plants to sprout out of building floors and walls without any plant matter around.

TITLE: The Invincible Iron Man V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Frank D'Armata (colorist).

DISSECTION: Frank, what the hell are you on? Norman's eyes are colored incorrectly, Tony's eyes are wrong... and the Hood is blond?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each.

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 39.

CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller).

DISSECTION: Check this one out, Mr. Paco Ramone, aka Vibe, comes back from the dead. Sorta.


TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 39.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: Psst... James... Dr. Light, the villain, is Arthur LIGHT, not Curry. That's Aquaman.


TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Bill Willingham (writer).

DISSECTION: Mr. Willingham heard a great joke, and he just had to use it. Do you know what "army" stands for? Ain't ready for the Marines yet! HAH! Hilarious!!! And it would be even more hilarious to see Magog taunt Major Force with that after the villain tells him he hates jarheads because he was in the Army... if Major Force hadn't been IN THE AIR FORCE!!!

I really don't expect each writer to be familiar with every single character in the universe they're writing in. But come on, Google "Major Force" and the first link you get is the Wikipedia article on the character, and the second paragraph in the article says "While in the USAF...". Basic research, the jokes you want to tell have to work around the characters you're using, not the other way around.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Power Girl's hairstyle is wrong, and Jay Garrick's boots are drawn incorrectly.

TITLE: Secret Warriors (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Hickman (writer).

DISSECTION: Again, fuck the sliding timeline, are we really meant to believe that it's been only FIVE WEEKS since Secret Invasion? Spider-Man spent TWO MONTHS in a macroverse with the Fantastic Four, for example, not to mention all the stuff that's happened in other books since Secret Invasion that no way could have happened in five weeks.


TITLE: Secret Warriors (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Alessandro Viti (artist).

DISSECTION: Yes, sure. Ten-year old (physically, at least) Alexander is half a head shorter than Hercules.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Balder and Alex have their eyes colored incorrectly.

TITLE: Star Wars: Legacy (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 42.

CULPRIT: Dave Ross (penciller).

DISSECTION: Ross adds yet another interpretation to how Bothans look.

Hey, Dave... that looks like a Shistavanen.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Mon Calamari hands and feet are drawn incorrectly.
So, the average for this week was 6.7 Bazzars in a hundred and twenty-two dissections. The usual, more or less; but in a busload of dissections. Cover Of The Week was this simple, but effective cover to Unknown Soldier #14 by Dave Johnson:

Moments of The Week? We have plenty! First up, more Legionnaires in the present!

That's Matter Eater Lad, for the uninformed, even wearing a shirt and t-shirt in the same color scheme as his uniform. Then, Blackest Night gets worse:

Yikes. Then, Super Friends is basically crap, but it has its moments:

I love the Disco Leprechaun. Then, Dominic Fortune:

... but his enemies misfortune. Oh, and now:

Incest! It's almost like Star Wars!!! Now, Superman: Secret Origins is not all about making the Daily Planet staff a bunch of simpletons:

Lois know something is up... Back to Marvel, but Ultimate:

Yeah, Ulti-Cap is a bit more... badass than regular Cap... Now, two Knights Of The Dinner Table moments:

Eww... Barbara Blackburn!!! WHY??!?! The images in my mind are now... etched onto it... You paying for therapy? And next, Gee-Jay himself takes the fight to the Wicked Witch:

Damn straight! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...



JohnnyDoe said...

Here's a dissection for you: in Superman - Secret Origins #3 when Lois is having an argument with Perry White in his office, Perry says "I've got strict orders from the pubisher...". I'm pretty sure it's suppose to be publisher :-)

MaGnUs said...

Thanks, but there's nothing wrong there.

Perry is the editor, or editor in chief. An editor is responsible for the day-to-day running of the paper, and the publisher is the business head of the newspaper company, commonly the owner or the representative of the owner.

Donald313 said...

Where to start?
First, I think what JohnnyDoe meant was the missing "l" in "pubisher", not implying Perry was the publisher himself.
Then, in your open letter to D.E. you mention Holywood when of course you´re talking about Hollywood :)
Finally, the DT? Not sure. I think the costume is wrong, it should just be open up to about the navel and not have these triangles or stuff. But I´m not really sure.

JohnnyDoe said...

Yes, but the spelling in the comic is pubisher (without the l it should have) ;-)

JohnnyDoe said...

...and Donald313 posted the info just seconds before me. Thanks :-D

MaGnUs said...

Where to start? :)

... I'm a doofus... I read that you were saying Perry was the publisher; forgive me, I was at work and read at a glance.

And yes, I wrote "Holywood"; it was a typo... but the letter to DE is not part of the column, so it's not open to dissections for publishing in the column. :) Only comics, and my column itself (not my other writers, unless they're comics) are game for the Dissector.

Badge for you on "pubisher", JD. And the DT? No cigar. The Black Lantern costumes are only approximations of the original costumes the bodies wore, so that's not it, I didn't even check if his costume was right.

Donald313 said...

Okay, I´ll take another shot.
It might be that there is no way that his last Ramone fits in the gravestone. They might have shortened it to "Ram." and then there is no more place left. Do I get a cigar now?
(Why am I even asking that? I don´t smoke.)

Donald313 said...

His last NAME Ramone, of course. But that is only a comment, so no dissection here :)

JohnnyDoe said...

One thing I noticed about that picture (don't know if it's the DT! though) is that Vibe looks anorexic, I mean look at his waist!

MaGnUs said...

Don: That's right, his last name does not fit in the gravestone. No cigar, but a badge for you. :)

Johnny: He IS a corpse. :)