The Dissector

The Dissector #147.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Jesus, it's huge. ... I have never said that sentence before in my life. In fact, being a boat, it's both huge and full of seamen. ... You know, I'm starting to wonder if they've got a little bit of a point when they call me crazy." Anna Mercury, Anna Mercury 2 #3.

I love being on time; welcome to the column for comics issued on 01/20. There is still time to vote for the 2009 Autopsy Awards; I know I have more regular readers than the very few that have voted, so please do vote. Speaking of awards, let me give Lt. Donald313 another badge, since he correctly pointed out that the DT! last week was that Vixen cannot take on the mass of the animals whose powers she mimics. That's not how her powers work.

Let me tell you The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book was Power Girl #8; this is just a fun read, with great art. Palmiotti, Gray and Conner are doing a great job; not to leave out colorist Mounts (hehe) and letterer Hill. Worst Book Of The Week was Dark Avengers #13; I despise The Sentry, right from his hoax of a real world origin, to how lame he is, so an issue dedicated entirely to him bores me to tears.

Here's The Rundown, reasonably short: Black Widow And The Marvel Girls (the Widow's eyes should be green), Dark Avengers (Norman's eyes are wrong, and the Thing "skin" is made of rocks like four or five times bigger than they usually are), Hulk V3 (Reed Richards' eyes are wrong), The Incredible Hulk V1 (Bruce Banner's eyes, as well as Doctor Doom's, are wrong; and Latveria is called a "principality"; when Doom does not hold the title of "prince", nor any of the other conditions for calling the place a "principality" apply), Realm Of Kings: Inhumans (Vulcan's hair is colored brown), Star Trek: Deep Space: Nine Fool's Gold (Kira's earring is wrong, her eyes are wrong, and Bashir's rank is wrong), Superman/Batman (inexplicably, two word balloons have a part missing... no words missing, though), Web Of Spider-Man V2 (accented letters). Dissections? Yes, of course!
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"BLOWING YOUR COVER."

TITLE: Batman: Streets Of Gotham (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Mike Benson (writer) and/or Dustin Nguyen (penciller).

DISSECTION: Batman (Dick Grayson) goes undercover to a fetish club posing as a millionaire (well, another one), and he has Alfred drive him; and open the door of the limousine. While Dick could be wearing some make-up, Alfred is not, and Bruce Wayne's butler is recognizable in Gotham.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars. Also, Two-Face and Kate Spencer get their eyes colored incorrectly.
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"SIMON & SIMON."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 146.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Emerre noticed that I wrote "Gail Simon" instead of "Gail Simone". My bad.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"BAAAAADGE."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: Patrick Gleason (penciller).

DISSECTION: Now, I've bitched and bitched about incorrect Green Lantern badges... and now Kyle Rayner's badge is not even symmetrical.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Ring and badge errors galore, too.
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"NEW DISSECTORS."

TITLE: Nova V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Bruno Hang (colorist).

DISSECTION: Namorita reminisces about her early life:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"POWERS... FAILING!"

TITLE: Spider-Woman V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT:

DISSECTION: Spider-Woman is thrown off a rooftop, and she can't do anything to stop her fall; even though there's cables, other windows, etc... She basically has Spider-Man's powers, clings to walls, is inhumanly agile, etc... yet she falls and is unconscious for two days, without any mention of someone drugging her. I just don't buy it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"THIS SMELLS LIKE BULLSHIT..."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 520.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: We get it, Wolverine has amazingly keen senses... but I will not accept that he can track a prey by smell from the top of a building in NEW YORK CITY, A 468.9 SQUARE MILES, 1,214.4 SQUARE KILOMETERS, 8,363,710 CITY INHABITANTS, AND 19,006,798 METRO AREA POPULATION CITY!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Not only does he track his prey (a Predator X) to a SEWER, but he knows that Fantomex (who carries no scent) is there because he smelled, and I quote, "a you-shaped hole in the smell of this dump". Fraction, Logan has a very acute sense of smell, not an echolocation device in his nostrils.
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6.2 Bazzars in twenty-seven dissections? Regular. Now I'm going to show you... THE COVER OF THE WEEK!!!


Beautiful cover by Mike Wolfer; which sums up what this book, Gravel, is about: underneath Britain's regal magic exterior, there is rusty clockwork and things are burning. Moments Of The Week, we have a few. First, Mogo shows us how to dispose of Black Lanterns:


I like how writers come up with alternate methods to get rid of Black Lanterns, even in books with people wearing power rings. I still don't like how characters like the Ray and Halo, even if for a limited time, can affect them. Speaking of Brit mages:


HE'S NOT SMOKING SILK CUTS ANYMORE!?!?!!?!? GOOD GOD, WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO!?!???! Next moment is nothing overly shocking, but it does show the funny atmosphere of Power Girl's book:


There's an obvious difference. Now, Moonstone gets...


Of course, it's ridiculous... And Hank Pym shows us why he's Earth Scientist Supreme:


Because he knows every science, including PSYCHology. Speaking of mastering stuff...


I'm scared... Last, this was kind of inappropriate in an all-ages book, and a strip probably aimed at teens:


Yes, the best way to make someone get thinner is by forcing them to puke...

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!