The Dissector

The Dissector #158.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Cue music: Something funky with a beat to it. English lyrics so we know this isn't one of those foreign films where you have to read." unnamed vampire, House Of Mystery #24.

Welcome to the first column about April comics, specifically, those released on 04/07. Nobody took a crack at the DT!, but it was obvious... Luthor created a time machine by irradiating acetylsalicylic acid... aspirin? Good God, what was Byrne on?

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Superman: Last Stand Of New Krypton #2, the art was a bit better because Pete Woods shares the pencilling duties with Travis Moore, and I'm still enjoying the plot... lots of Legion! Worst Book Of The Week Buffy The Vampire Slayer #34... the art is weak and unpolished, and not because of a noticeable stylistic choice, and the plot is bland, not up to par with the show as previous arcs were.

The Rundown: A-Team: Shotgun Wedding (translated from "THE" Spanish, again?), Captain America/Black Panther: Flags Of Our Fathers (accented letters, plus Captain America's mask wings are Thor-helmet sized), Doom Patrol V5 (Veronica "Case" instead of "Cale", and Rita Farr's eyes get colored green once again), House Of Mystery V2 ("Something funky with a beat to it" is missing a comma), JSA All-Stars (Atom Smasher's hair is colored incorrectly, and Power Girl's boots are wrong), Justice Society Of America (accented letter), Nemesis: The Impostors (Nemesis eyes start out green, then change to his correct blue color, and Batman's emblems are drawn incorrectly), Red Robin (Batman emblems), Secret Warriors (the Contessa's and Daisy's eyes are colored wrong), Superman: Last Stand Of New Krypton (Sensor Girl's eyes change color from her correct blue, to green), Superman: Secret Origin (John Corben's eyes should be green), The Boys (accented letter), Ultimate Comics X (Jean Grey has her correctly colored green eyes in the comic, but when a magazine cover is shown in-story, she has blue eyes), Uncanny X-Men (X-23's eyes should be green), Vengeance Of The Moon Knight (ñ), World War Hulks (Urik the troll unexplainably has completely blank eyes).
<-------------------------------->
"FAMILY TIES."

TITLE: Avengers: The Origin (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Joe Casey (writer).

DISSECTION: I often see this wrong, people refer to Loki as Thor's half brother... but he's his stepbrother, or even foster brother, but half brother requires you to share one biological parent; which Loki and Thor do not. Thor, Vidar, and Balder are half brothers among themselves, all sons of Odin, and of different mothers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Rick Jones' eyes should be brown, not blue.
<-------------------------------->
"THE FACTS OF LIFE."

TITLE: The Flash: Secret Files And Origins 2010 (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Scott Kolins (artist).

DISSECTION: Barry Allen's childhood is shown, and sliding timescale or not, there's no excuse as to why clothing, cars, hairstyles and everything look like today's, late 90s at most. If this is Barry, it should be at most, the mid-70s.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LOST."

TITLE: Marvel: The Lost Generation (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05 of 12.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (penciller). He was also co-plotter with Roger Stern, who scripted. Odd, I guess Byrne was busy.

DISSECTION: Here's another retro Dissect This!, I thinking I'll do this more often:


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE PARENT 'HOOD."

TITLE: The New Avengers: Luke Cage (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Eric Cante (penciller) and Chris Chuckry (colorist).

DISSECTION: Fustercluck! Danielle Cage is replaced by a girl with different hair color, eye color, and even facial structure!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE SHIELD."

TITLE: S.H.I.E.L.D. (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Hickman (writer).

DISSECTION: I was very much looking forward to this book, based on the cover previews, however, I wasn't wowed when I read it. S.H.I.E.L.D... a secret technomystic society? Uh, what? Okay, the Metabaron-ey imagery is cool enough to keep me reading, along with appearances by historical figures, including one of my favorites, Galileo Galilei. In the end, the first issue was not exactly what I expected; but not exactly disappointing either, intriguing enough to keep me reading. Reminded me a lot of Mage: The Ascension, like a few books do these days (Gravel, Air, Captain Swing, Absolution, Mighty Avengers). I did love the art by Dustin Weaver, and I hope further issues will make me fall in love with the writing too.

The only dissection I found was that Galileo is in Rome, clearly settled there, and not visiting, in 1582, at the age of 18. Galileo didn't visit Rome until 1611, and in fact, never lived there, having lived and worked in or near Firenze nearly all of his life, except for his birth and early childhood in Pisa, and a stint teaching at the University of Padua.

Yes, I realize it's the Marvel universe, but there was no need to change the place where Galileo had his workshop just because Hickman decided it was cool, or worse, didn't check. And yes, this could be a "temporary workshop" to combat the menace you'll see in the Moments Of The Week, but stating it's "the workshop of Galileo" implies it’s his permanent base. Could I have overlooked this dissection? Yes, but I don't want to, I consider it wrong, and as I've stated numerous time, I haven't sworn to be 100% objective in this column.

On another note, while reading about Galileo to check some dates and facts, I was reminded of the fact that he died at the age of 77... in 1642... that is A LOT for someone in those times. I haven't been able to find data for the 16th/17th centuries, but early 20th century average was 30-45 years, and current average is 67.2.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
How clever am I? Each of the dissection titles is a TV show!!! Yeah, I know, not that clever... This week we had a 6.2 Bazzars in thirty-two dissections, pretty standard. Cover Of The Week is from Uncanny X-Men #523, by Mike Perkins:


Yeah, I know, there's no Iron Man in that book, and this is just one of the Iron Man 2 promo covers... but it's still a nice looking pinup cover. Now, Moments Of The Week, First, Quislet gets to do something!!!


Yeah, he fails, but still, he keeps his upbeat attitude. Then, at least Liberty Belle is educated:


And now, a Moment from The Boys... warning, it's disgusting:


... ew. And from Doom Patrol, it's Danny!


Danny The Bungalow!!! And as a last Moment, I did have my qualms about S.H.I.E.L.D. #1, but overall, I enjoyed it, and this was a great scene:


Galileo Vs. Galactus!!! You've got to admit, "G.G." could perfectly well be a Stan Lee character name. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!