The Dissector

The Dissector #156.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Are you threatening me? Listen, I've been threatened by experts, you know Cybermen, Ice Warriors, Daleks... BBC producers..." Sixth Doctor, Doctor Who Classics Series 3 #1.

Sorry for the delay, but here's column for comics released on 03/24... though that quote above is from the week before; but I got it late... and it was too good to pass up. Last week's DT! wasn't cracked... two weeks in a row? I'm disappointed, fellas... In a flashback to an Avengers book from the 80s; Namor is wearing his current costume, including the "X" emblem he wears today as an X-Man. In fact, Hercules, as I mentioned, is also wearing his current costume instead of the one he wore back then.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book was Angel Special: Lorne; a good, if temporary, goodbye for a likeable character, and for the sadly deceased actor who played him. It also didn't hurt that it's written and drawn by John Byrne; who manages to make Angel look exactly like David Boreanaz... probably without even trying. Worst Book Of The Week was Breaking Into Comics The Marvel Way #2, a bunch of inconsequential, poorly made, boring stories.

The Rundown: A-Team: Shotgun Wedding ("translated from "the" Spanish"? Also, there's Spanish text inside translation brackets), The Amazing Spider-Man (The Hood's name is not public knowledge, "Michele", S.H.I.E.L.D.'s full name doesn't have a comma in the middle, Michelle's name is given incorrectly as "Gonzalez" and then correctly as "Gonzales".), Batman: Streets Of Gotham (Manhunter and Two-Face get their eyes colored incorrectly), Breaking Into Comics The Marvel Way (Psylocke's are wrong, she shouldn't be able to access the White Hot Room, her costume is wrong, she didn't stop manifesting the butterfly when she first manifested her psi-katana, and Cable has also manifested a psychic sword), Fall Of The Hulks: Red Hulk (Banner's eye color is wrong), Green Lantern V4 (John Stewart's badge is wrong... he's wearing Hal's), Justice League: The Rise Of Arsenal (Lian's eyes should be green, Batman's belt emblem is wrong, and so is Hal's badge), Peter Parker ("Michele" again), Power Girl V2 (character with wrong eye color), Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Fool's Gold (O'Brien's uniform is wrong, so is his rank insignia, Jadzia's pips are on the wrong side of her collar, and Bashir's rank pips show him as a full Lieutenant, when he was promoted the following year), Superman/Batman (accented letter), Superman V1 ("mass" genocide? sounds a bit weird... and the accent in cover artist Julian López's last name not only makes the letter smaller, it's also a horizontal line over it), Thunderbolts (Grizzly's still missing from the roster, while Headsman is still there; also, U.S.Agent's chest star is the wrong size, shape and color), Uncanny X-Men (Nightcrawler has some kind of afro hairdo, and Mr. Fantastic says "You might can fool some of the satellites..."), X-Factor (Monet's eyes are blue when they should be brown). Dissections, now.
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"AVENGING CHANGING COLORS."

TITLE: New Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 63.

CULPRIT: Dave McCaig (colorist).

DISSECTION: I'm reading the book, right? And I notice that Jessica Jones' eyes are the wrong color. They're green, when they should be blue. The next page, they're blue. And the next, back to green... and then brown. WTF?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, for the sheer sloppiness. Clint Barton's eyes are green first, then his correct blue color, then green again; Lady Octopus' eyes are green instead of brown, and Danielle Cage is drawn as a 4-6 months baby instead of a year old infant or so. Then I go to see who the colorist was... and the credit read "colorisst"...
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"THE ROD OF BORIS."

TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo)

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer) and/or Leandro Fernandez (artist).

DISSECTION: Good God... Boris, the apparently Slavic holy man among Norsemen, is also a healer... and his surgical instrument and medicine bag has a caduceus. The caduceus is NOT the symbol of medicine, despite its mistaken use, mainly in the USA, as that. It's a symbol originally for Iris, messenger of Hera, and afterwards of Hermes/Mercury; and through them, a symbol of messengers, gamblers, merchants, shepherds, liars and thieves.

The symbol of medicine is the rod of Asclepius; or the asklepian. Asclepius was the Greek god of healing and medicine, and his symbol is a staff with a snake entwined around it. The caduceus is also a staff, but quite differently shaped than the asklepian. The latter is a rustic wooden staff, while the former is usually a smooth and elegant-looking herald's staff. Furthermore, there are two snakes entwined around the caduceus, and the staff is winged, while the rod of Asclepius is not. Read more about the asklepian, and about the caduceus and the mix ups between the two.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"DISSECT THEE!"

TITLE: Thor V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 608.

CULPRIT: Rich Elson (artist).

DISSECTION: Dissect This!


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Volstagg's eyes are colored green, when they should be blue.
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"ÜBERNACHTUNGKRIECHER!"

TITLE: X-Men Origins: Nightcrawler (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Adam Freeman & Marc Bernardin (writers).

DISSECTION: Again with the foreign language (German this time) inside the translation brackets. If you use translation brackets, everything inside it must be in the language you're using for story... not one word should be in the characters' language.

Boring book too; retconning Nightcrawler's life in the circus as one of hardships and discrimination, instead of the original back-story of him being accepted among freaks. The circus owner keeps him drugged between acts, the rest of the circus crew, except Margali Szardos and her children, treat him as a beast... tsk.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There is also a poster for a small German circus, which ought to be local, in English. And yes, I know that word up there in the title of the dissection is made up.
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A 5.9 Bazzars average, lower than I expected... Cover Of The Week was this beautiful piece by Mark Brooks for Uncanny X-Men #522:


Excellent homage to WWII nose art. Now, the Moments Of The Week are just two, first up, creative ways to slay vampires:


Vampshish kebab! Then, annoying Gary Stu villain Mr. X gets pwnd by Amadeus Cho:


Take that! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!