The Dissector

The Dissector #167.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"You've probably noticed a teenager in the building lording over you, treating everyone as if they have the mental capacity of toast. No, not me--the other one." Amadeus Cho, Heroic Age: Prince Of Power #2.

And here's another week, more or less in time. Last week's DT! was spotted, just in the nick of time, by David, who correctly pointed out the fact that Colonel Nazi's medals seem to be placed just on his ribcage, and not in any sensible place for military medals. Badge for you, and welcome to the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps, Ensign David!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are pulp, completely. One is a good example, however, and the other one is... crap. The Best Book Of The Week is Tom Strong And The Robots Of Doom #1; the return of Tom Strong to comics is an occasion of joy, and while writer Peter Hogan is not Alan Moore, he seems to be able to carry on... and well, Chris Sprouce is made for this book... well, he made this book. On the other hand, you have DC's Doc Savage #3... It's been just barely passable until now, but this issue's script was a mess, all over the place, characters don't have their own voices, the action is confusing... writer Paul Malmont is slipping, and he wasn't standing very tall to begin with. And Howard Porter's art is irregular, and too manga-inspired to be appropriate for Doc Savage... not only that, but look at the faces he draws. That's from issue #2; #3's art is marginally better, it was actually Malmont's writing that made me choose it as a Worst Book Of The Week... JG Jones covers, however, could win Cover Of The Week any time now... just not this week, sorry.

The Rundown: Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis (Emma is shorter than Wolverine, basically a midget, McCoy says "mutant pathology" instead of "physiology", Storm not only has a mohawk, but the mohawk has a pony tail that's two meters long... she didn't have that last issue, Emma's hair is super long too, Storm's eyes are white when she's not using her powers, Beast looks like a bulldog, and Armor's eyes should be blue), Avengers Academy ("iriduim" instead of "iridium", Reptil's eyes should be green, not blue), Batman (Riddler's hair should be black, and while awesome-looking, the Batcave plans included at the end of the book look absolutely nothing like what's actually shown in the comics), Captain America V1 (how is Fixer with Zemo?), Doom Patrol V5 (a caduceus as a medical symbol, accented letter), The Expendables (horrible Spanish, accented letter), Heralds (She-Hulk's hairstyle is nothing like it's currently, accented letter), Justice League: Generation Lost ("da Costa", not "Dacosta", Captain Atom's boots should be blue), Kato (Naoko is a female name, and a guy is called that by Kato), Meta4 (another caduceus...), Outsiders V4 (Alfred's full head of hair is nothing like he's shown in other books), Titans V2 (Deathstroke's boots are wrong), Ultimate Avengers 2 ("Leanord" instead of "Leonard"), Ultimate Comics Spider-Man (JJJ's eyes are brown on the cover, yet correctly blue on the cover), X-Men: Hellbound (accented letter), X-Men Forever 2 (it's "tesseract", not "tesserect", Chris; accented letters, and Ororo's eyes are white while not using her powers), Young Allies (Spanish, accented letters).
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"A KISS UNDER THE MISTLETOE."

TITLE: Heroic Age: Prince Of Power (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak & Fred Van Lente (writers).

DISSECTION: Vali Halfling menaces Hebe with "mistletoe bullets"? I'm sorry, but that's lazy... I mean, I'm pretty sure they know that mistletoe only harmed Balder in the Norse myths because it didn't sign the same agreement all living creatures had signed... even if you say it's specially enchanted mistletoe... it's wrong, it's like using specially enchanted kryptonite to kill DC's Captain Marvel... Use something from the Greek myths, come on.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN."

TITLE: The Rawhide Kid V4 (Marvel)

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Ron Zimmerman (writer).

DISSECTION: Cristo Pike makes a reference to "Tonto", and the context he makes it in doesn't make it seem like anything but a reference to the Lone Ranger's companion...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, the word "comanchero" is wrongly spelled "commanchero"; and in a weird scene, Rahwide Kid enters the town jail to find Annie Oakley inside a cell... but then she's outside or he's inside or something and it's very weird...
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"HAB SOSLI' QUCH!"

TITLE: Star Trek: Leonard McCoy, Frontier Doctor (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).

DISSECTION: Sum qeylIS 'etlh, John Byrne! There is no Klingon emperor in the time period you're writing your comics!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"X-MEN: SECOND DISSECTING."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 525.

CULPRIT: Terry Dodson (penciller).

DISSECTION: An impenetrable force field surrounds the San Francisco area, and while Reed Richards and Tony Stark put their minds to bringing it down, Thor and The Thing put their might to it. But what's wrong with this picture?


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Reed Richards' eyes and Dr. Nemesis' hair are colored incorrectly.
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Well, a 7.1 Bazzars average in 45 dissections... pretty high, as things go... but that was to be expected this time around. Now, Cover Of The Week is this wonderful Chris Sprouce pencilled cover, with Karl Story on inks, and Carrie Strachan on colors:


Just... beautiful. The Moments Of The Week are exactly five, and here goes the first one:


You see, Hank Pym's not one of my favorite characters, but I like him when he's well written. Then, Bendis and Lafuente know how to balance humor with drama and action in Ultimate Spidey... and here's some humor:


Hehehe... Then, Ted McKeever's Meta4 had just the right amount of weirdness, but without resorting to excessive oneiric crap like other writers do. The cover, however, made me think of El Eternauta a bit:


I don't know, I wonder if Ted has read El Eternauta. Now, back to Marvel, Spider-Man and Dr. Strange compare notes:


This was a pretty oneiric LSD trip mini, but readable, and this part made me smile. But this made me laugh:


Tanjing funny! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!