The Dissector

The Nitpicker #33.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

This time we come out on Thursday (alright, Friday), I've got to face it, I'll never be able to hold a fixed day schedule; but at least I'm keeping the weekly schedule most of the time. I'd like you all to welcome a new site to the family of Nitpicker syndicators, the Independent Comics Site, or ICS for shorts. It just opened on August 1st, and I'm very happy to be a member of the staff. Everybody, go to ICS and sign-up for the forums and all.

You'll find the ICS link on the sidebar of the Nitpicker's blog from this week on, and you'll also find my DeviantArt gallery, where I post photos of me in costumes and other stuff. In fact, for a good look at my new avatar/profile pic, go there. I really love my new profile pic, it gives that mad scientist (Sons of Ether, specifically) vibe I tend to give people.

Before the nits, it's time for The Nitpicker's Pick of The Week. The pick for best book of the week is a tie between Amazing Spider-Man #542 and Doktor Sleepless. This week's Amazing Spider-Man is a great conclusion to the story arc, with good art by Ron Garney, and an even better script by J. Michael Straczynski. The way Peter Parker (not Spider-Man) pwns Kingpin, and there's no other word for what he does, is nothing short of pure magic. We all knew Peter wasn't going to kill Kingpin, but I remained skeptic as to how JMS was going to end this arc in a proper fashion, but he did it perfectly.

Look at these three pages from the issue, which had me wanting to stand up and clap vigorously, as I cried out (not really, but I did cry in) "PURE MAGIC!"

Doktor Sleepless also gets to inaugurate yet another new feature on this column, the Quote of the Week, with "Electricity can only be replenished by whisky. This is actual physics. Don't argue with me, I am a doktor." The quote of the week won't necessarily belong to the best book of the week, but in this case, it did belong to one of them.

The pick for worst book of the week was, without a doubt, Onslaught Reborn #4. And I read Battlestar Galactica this week. Jeph Loeb is not even trying to write an actual plot or script, and Rob Liefeld is... well, Rob Liefeld. I'd also like to point you to two other comics sites this week. First I want to spotlight a specific post on The Absorbascon, where Scipio explains why there's 52 universes in the DC multiverse. And for seconds, I'd like you to check out this wonderful review of Wolverine #55 by Paul O'Brien of the X-Axis (thanks to Bored for pointing me to it).

He completely tears down Loeb (speak of the devil), in such a way that he deserves nothing less than a HNS (Honorary Nitpicker Scout, I'm tired of writing the whole thing each time). I'll have to write him to let him know. Check out this quote from Paul's review "They're mad, they're ancient, they're wolflike... and they're colour-coded. Inane lupine retcons, tonight on Sick Sad World.", and tell me if it doesn't sound like something I'd write (plus, he also likes Daria, apparently). Who also gets an HNS this is The Guvnor Paul C, of my regulars, for spotting a nit in my column which gets reported this week. So, here's their badge, and let's get on with those damned nits:

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"I DON'T KNOW KARATE, BUT I KNOW CR-AZY!"

TITLE: All-New Official Handbook Of The Marvel Universe A-Z Update.
ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen (head writer/coordinator), and/or any of a number of writers; as no invidivual credit is given for the entries.

NIT-TO-PICK: On the abilities/accessories section of Paladin's profile, it says he is proficient in Tae Kwan Do; but the martial art is called Tae Kwon Do. A Kwan is one of the schools or styles of Tae Kwon Do.

NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"THIS IS NOT THE SECOND RATING YOU'RE LOOKING FOR!

TITLE: All-New Official Handbook Of The Marvel Universe A-Z Update.
ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen (head writer/coordinator), and/or any of a number of writers; as no invidivual credit is given for the entries.

NIT-TO-PICK: On Crusader's profile, page 64, his abilities/accessories state that those ratings with a slash and a second rating, as marked by an asterisk, reflect his ratings with and without Freedom Ring's ring. However, his Fighting Skills has only one score, but it's still marked with an asterisk. It either shouldn't have that asterisk, or it should have a second rating.

NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"I'M WEARING CONTACT LENSES, IT'S A FAD HERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE."

TITLE: Black Panther V4.

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Francis Portela (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: Page 19, panel 3, the Black Panther removes his mask and his eyes (or at least the only one you can see, his left one), is all blank, no pupil, nothing, as if he was still wearing his mask.

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"I DON'T GOT IT... COMMAND OF THE SPANISH LANGUAGE, THAT IS.

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7.

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: John Rogers (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: Now, this book is so consistently good, and so fun, that if it hadn't been for Amazing Spider-Man and Doktor Sleepless, it would have been this week pick for best book. In fact, it harkens back to old school Spider-Man. It's got all that stuff about the hero learning the ropes and all, only Jaime has family and friends supporting him as they know his secret identity.

Anyway, in this case, as it is most of the time with this book, the Spanish language is attacked. On page two's single panel, Blue Beetle rescues a child, and is in the process of rescuing a woman, so he says "Señora, aqui. Yo lo tengo." Well... the "Señora, aqui." is a bit weird, but it's correct, grammar-wise. However, the "Yo lo tengo part." is incorrect. It sounds like Rogers wanted to have BB say "I got it." or "I got you.". Those phrases would have been, respectively, "Lo tengo." (if he referred to having the kid), or "La tengo." (if he was reassuring the lady that he had her); there shouldn't be any "Yo", which means "I", since it doesn't fit in this situation. And if he's trying to reassure the lady, then he's got the gender of the verb wrong..

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, I'm gonna go soft with Rogers this time.
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"Ñ!

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7.

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: John Rogers (writer) and/or Pat Brosseau (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: Apart from that little mistake above, Rogers was doing great, using opening question marks for his Spanish questions; but all good things must come to an end. On page 7, panel 3, Brenda says "pinata", and the word is "piñata". Below you'll see, for comparison, how it's done. This is a narrator's box from issue 3 of Empire, a miniseries DC published a couple of years ago, and that I just read the other day. Letters in the book were by "Comicraft", no individual letterer named.


NIT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"IJOIJOIJO

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7.

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: John Rogers (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: One more here, on page 22, panel 3, Jaime's son says "... you saved so many people, mi hijo"; again, like a few issues ago (although that time it was J. Torres), but in this case, it's not correct even if he indeed was Odin talking to Thor. If he said "hijo mío", "mijo", "m'ijo" or even "m'hijo", that'd be acceptable, but this is incorrect.

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"SOMETHING'S MISSING...

TITLE: The Nitpicker.

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer)

NIT-TO-PICK: Alright, so it's not actually a comic, but it's mea culpa, folks. The introduction for issue 29 was missing the whole first paragraph, at least in my own blog (it was present in the "syndicated" sites). It should have read like this:

"So, here we are for this week’s column… short and sweet one, both because I only found 10 nits this week (just barely meeting the quota I established for the weekly column), and because since I’d finished reading all last week’s books on Friday, and it’s Tuesday morning when I’m writing this (the intro, outro, and headlines, in that order, are the last things I write). However, since I still need to edit some images and touch up some other details, I’ll hold it off until Wednesday night my place, or even, if it takes that long, past midnight and already into Thursday."

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, it was a big chunk, but it was only my weekly exposition on how I worked on that column.
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"I LEARNED COLORING AT THE MOOSE BAUMANN ACADEMY!

TITLE: Countdown.

ISSUE: 40.

CULPRIT: Manuel García (penciller) and Thomas Chu (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Yay, Keith Giffen is on the book! Of course, that doesn't stop me from finding a lot of nits; however, as was the case with 52, I don't think many of the pencilling nits are his fault. Yes, he could be responsible for some, but even if I can't see his layouts for Countdown (like I did for some of 52's issues), I know enough of how he works them to more or less guess when he's to blame.

In this case, page 7, panel 2, Mary Marvel is obviously wearing her costume; which includes gloves that are joined with the sleeves, but on panel 3, she's clapping and she has no gloves on. It's obviously García's fault because he drew fingernails on her left hand, and it's also Chu's fault for not noticing and coloring the hands over.

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Oh, Holly Robinson's hair length was actually consistent this issue.
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"ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY.

TITLE: Countdown.

ISSUE: 40.

CULPRIT: Manuel García (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: Page 21, panel 3, shows us that Oracle is spying on the Penguin (and by extension, on Pied Piper and Trickster), via a camera on his wine cellar. Problem is, we're supposed to believe that Oracle (master of technology and eyes and ears of the superhero community) would use a camera the size of my webcam (and therefore completely visible), and that Penguin would never catch that.

NIT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"I ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE VIGILANTISM.

TITLE: Countdown.

ISSUE: 40.

CULPRIT: Manuel García (penciller) and Thomas Chu (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Oh. My. God. Look at the image below, this is supposed to be the Question, aka Renee Montoya:


ARGH! DAMMIT! Have García or Chu NEVER read a Question comic? Did they even read 52? Where they at least given reference materials on how the Question's mask is supposed to look like? It doesn't bloody look like the answer to any of those questions is yes. First of all, even if we leave aside the exaggerated depth of the eyes on the mask, there's too many wrinkles, it looks too much like a mask, and not like real-looking artificial skin.

Second, both for Vic Sage and for Montoya, the Mask stops where their hairline starts, so it looks like a featureless face. This looks like Montoya is wearing an opaque condom on her head with her pony tail coming out of the hole. Lastly, and not worse than the shape of the mask, is the color Chu's given this. Again people, it's SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE A FUCKING FEATURELESS FACE, LIKE REAL SKIN!!!! Not like an obvious rubber mask!

For the umpteenth time, LOOK AT THE FUCKING REFERENCES FOR THE CHARACTERS YOU'RE GOING TO DRAW OR COLOR!!!

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, in fact, this is going to count double. Yes, double, as if it was a 20, fuck dammit all to hell!
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"NOT SO INFINITE EARTHS...

TITLE: Countdown.

ISSUE: 40.

CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (writer/penciller, but for his writing in this case).

NIT-TO-PICK: On the backup story, "History Of The Multiverse", on page 22, panel 2, one of the Monitors says that the Earth that came to existence after Crisis On Infinite Earth was "a fusion of Earths-One and Two." However, as anyone who's read COIE knows, that Earth is a fusion of the five remaining Earths, namely, Earths-One, Two, Four, S, and X.

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"WHICH SUPERMAN ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?

TITLE: Countdown.

ISSUE: 40.

CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (writer/penciller, but for his pencilling in this case).

NIT-TO-PICK: Right behind New Earth Superman, to the reader's right, there's a gray-templed Superman that's supposed to be Earth-Two Kal-L, but his S shield is drawn incorrectly.

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"UNDERSTAD THIS, THERE'S A LETTER MISSING.

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2.

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Dave Gibbons (writer) and/or Phil Balsman (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: Amazingly, I'm not complaining about a coloring error in a GL book (btw, me not using my Green Lantern t-shirt wearing avatar anymore does not mean my GL love has diminished; quite the contrary). This time, it's a writing or lettering one; on page 13, panel one, Stel says "receied" instead of "received".

NIT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"INVICIBLE NO MORE?

TITLE: (The Invincible?) Iron Man (Director Of S.H.I.E.L.D.?) V2.

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Whoever names the books in the indicia and all that.

NIT-TO-PICK: This book used to be called "The Invincible Iron Man", however, World War Hulk checklists reference it as "Iron Man, Director Of S.H.I.E.L.D.". Five issues ago, it changed to that name in the title, but the indicia and the credtis page still say it's called "Invincible..." What gives?

NIT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"I'M WEARING A WIG.

TITLE: (The Invincible?) Iron Man (Director Of S.H.I.E.L.D.?) V2.

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Butch Guice (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: Clay Quatermain appears from page 15 on, but he looks nothing like he's ever looked, particularly in his highest-profile gig ever, as a supporting character in She-Hulk's book. Look below, the image on the left is from She-Hull, and the one on the right is from Iron Man.

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"WADDAYA KNOW STRETCHO? YOUR POWERS ARE LIKE AN STD!

TITLE: Onslaught Reborn.

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: J. Scott Cambpell (cover penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: Look at the Invisible Woman's fingers. They are as long as her forearms. And don't get me started on Campbell's inability to draw feet.


Bored made me read this book, and I regret it, I didn't agree with the nits he found, but I still found some, of course.

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, this surpasses any artistic license.
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"ROB LIEFELD, YOU BASTARD!"

TITLE: Onslaught Reborn.

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: Rob Liefeld (brain-damaged handless monkey with pencils, on crack).

NIT-TO-PICK: I refuse to call Rob Liefeld a penciller, in case you haven't noticed. He's never been featured in this column, and he should have, back when he did those Titans issues. Fact is, I don't consider bad art to be nits, even if I might complain every now and now, but in this case, he really screwed up.

On page 13, he... hey, hear that bell ring? It means it's time for... Spoooooooot the Niiiiiiiiiit! Look at the page below, and tell me what the problem is. The prize? Ehh... I might throw you a HNS badge. I've even included the rating below it, so you have one more clue.


NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. I'm not gonna say anything else, but this is a very easy one.
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"THEY'RE ALL RUSKIES, SO WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

TITLE: Paolo Parent's Dust.

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: Mink (writer). What kind of name is Mink? These people and their one-name identities...

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 12, Stalin speaks to General Kalashnikova, but the one who answers (as if he was Kalashnikova) is the person introduced as General Rasputin (Soviet Intelligence, how clever) the page before.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WATCH OUT SCOTTY! WITHOUT THE PROPPER BADGE THE BAD GUYS WILL THINK YOU'RE JUST A REDSHIRT!

TITLE: Star Trek: Year Four.

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Steve Conley (penciller/inker).

NIT-TO-PICK: Impossible to pinpoint to just the one page, but the art is incredibly lacking in details. It's not as bad as the art on the TNG mini I've hated so much, but it's still like Conley only put half of his energy into it. Scipio, of The Absorbascon says that he liked the art, because it has a stylized, Golden Age feel to it. I'm sorry, but this is not stylized, it's crap.

Like I said before, bad art does not necessarily make for nits, but on most pages, half or more of the Starfleet badges are empty, not showing the symbol of the division the officer works in.

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"MONTOYA! I FOUND THEM!

TITLE: Star Trek: Year Four.

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Steve Conley (penciller/inker).

NIT-TO-PICK: Badges non-withstanding, look at this image from page 22:


Yes, those are supposed to be McCoy and Kirk. And as if that wasn't enough, look at this image from the next panel:


Ooooh... that's where the Question's real masks went! That's why Montoya wears a condom on her head!

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Please, draw details into your art.
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"WE'RE TIRED OF BEING COMPARED TO ONE ANOTHER."

TITLE: (Supergirl And The) Legion Of Super-Heroes V5.

ISSUE: 32.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 4, where credits and roll call are given, the powers of Mekt and Garth (Lightning Lad) Ranzz are described respectively as "bioelectrics" and "commands electrical force". Now, this might be something that changed with the new reboot, but all three Ranzz siblings (except for Ayla's Light Lass phase) had the same exact powers.

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"I'M SMARTER THAN YOU, QUIT STARING!

TITLE: (Supergirl And The) Legion Of Super-Heroes V5.

ISSUE: 32.

CULPRIT: Dennis Calero (artist) and/or Nathan Eyring (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: I know he's an alien and all that, but Brainiac 5's eyes should not look like this:


That's an image from page 7, panel 4, and I haven't paid attention to Brainy's eye color in this new version of the Legion, but they're usually blue. I'm gonna let that little thing pass, since I don't feel like looking through 30+ issues of this book, that I don't have on hand right now.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"NOW, I'LL LIFT THIS TANK AND *CRACK* AAAAAH!!! MY ARMS!!!

TITLE: Teen Titans V3.

ISSUE: 49.

CULPRIT: Al Barrionuevo (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: The art in this book is sucking lately, but sometimes they take it too far. I know that Wonder Girl and Supergirl are supposed to be ultra-hot teens, but they're usually drawn in a healthy way (depending on the artist) and not as anorexic dolls with arms that look like twigs that will snap at the first attempt to move them. And certainly, even if you want to draw them like awful role models, like Super Paris Hilton or Wonder Lindsay Lohan (two women I find completely unattractive, by the way); you don't draw something like this Wonder Girl from page 21, panel 5:


NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazars. She has the shoulders of a body builder, and the arms of a baby.
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"HIGH CALIBER ORDINANCE.

TITLE: Ultimate Fantastic Four.

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey.

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 9, panel one, Carol Danvers threatens the Silver Surfer with her standard issue shield handgun, which in her own words is a "point-thirty-eight". Are we supposed to believe that S.H.I.E.L.D. outfits their agents (who deal with metahuman threats most of the time) with a measly .38 gun? Not even a 9 MM? I would give them .50 cal vibranium rounds, dammit!

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, Mike Carey doesn't seem to know that arming a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent with the same caliber that a Uruguayan police officer carries is like arming them with a pop gun.
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"ANOTHER MOOSE BAUMANN ALUMNI.

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3.

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Peter Pantazis (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Pete Pantazis usually does a kick-ass job, but on page 13, panel 4, somebody forgot to tell him that Hal Jordan's gloves are white. Check it out:

"Not tonight Carol, I've got a headache."

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, it's not a big thing, but this is a very well known character, who's basic costume design hasn't changed since the early 60s.
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"PROFESSOR X SWITCHED HIS EYES WITH MINE!!!

TITLE: X-Men V2.

ISSUE: 201.

CULPRIT: Edgar Delgado (colorist). By the way, I love it how many books today have many Latino creators; we're still lacking in writers (and even J. Torres, who turned out to be Philippino), but art-wise we've got teams like the Brazilians in Black Canary, or Humberto Ramos, Carlos Cuevas and Edgard Delgado on this book.

NIT-TO-PICK: I'm happy with the increasing amount of Latinos working in mainstream comics, but I'm hating Humberto Ramos' art on this book. His manga/cartoon style used to be appealing to me, but the cartoony elements have grown too much for my taste. His style could be good for a book like, say, Young Justice or Impulse, or even Spider-Man (all of which he used to draw), but not for X-Men. And God, he's gonna be doing Runaways now...

Look at this, do we really need faces like these in X-Men?

Speaking of these faces, Kitty Pryde's, from page 13, panel 3, besides being completely disgusting, she's got blue eyes. Kitty's eyes are brown (or hazel, as her Marvel profile has it), in fact, she's one of the few comic book characters who doesn't have blue eyes...

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, but it will keep rising.
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"A TRUE COLOSSUS.

TITLE: X-Men V2.

ISSUE: 201.

CULPRIT: Humberto Ramos (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: Look at the image below, from page 13. Am I the only one who notices the gross disparity between Colossus hand in the first panel, and his hand on the second one? For God's sake, his hand is human sized on the first panel, and on the other one, his fist is the size of Kitty's torso. Yes Humberto, we get it, Colossus is big in his armored form (which he seems to be in for no particular reason), but this is too much.


Matter of fact, he's bigger, but still human sized in the first panel, but then he's got about three feet on Kitty! Shadowcat is 5`6", and Colossus (both according to Marvel Universe), in armored form, is 7.5. Looking at the second image, it could be correct, but it's still completely out of scale with the first one, where you can see that if Kitty were to stand up, she'd be less than two heads shorter than Piotr.

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, and I'm being nice. I can hate how your current style works for X-Men, Humberto, but a cartoony style is not a license for being inconsistent.
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Wow, this was quite a column, wasn't it? 27 nits, one of them doubles, 10s galore, and we got a 6.9 Bazzars average, pretty high. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more nits, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE NITPICKER!