The Dissector

The Nitpicker #34.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the origin of the Italian footballer."

Welcome to this week's installment of the Nitpicker, much fun awaits you in this column. From now on, the quote of the week will be up there, where you see it. This week's jewel comes from Warren Ellis' Crécy, and was uttered by an unnamed English longbowman, speaking about the French-paid Genoese crossbowmen running away from battle. Good book, educational and gory, and it's in fact, the Nitpicker's Pick Of The Week for best book. Warren Ellis masterfully adapts this page of history, with great art from Raulo Cáceres; art that reminds me of European comics like Judge Dredd or Torpedo 1936. Well, even if it's published by Avatar Press, Warren Ellis being British, and Cáceres being Spanish virtually makes this a European comic, with the story's subject and the aesthetics and storytelling formulas used making it even more so.

Ellis shows here some of his usual mannerisms as writer, which you can see in even his more "mainstream" work, such as Thunderbolts, but this is an unequivocally pro-English book, perhaps with a hint of irony on how the United Kingdom was built. The device of having the narrator (an English longbowman, the same who uttered the quote of the week) speak to the reader, and do so with language and knowledge that wasn't available in his time, makes for a very intimate reading on what should be a horrible moment of history. This is one of the bloodiest battles of history, one that changed the face of warfare forever, and still, you feel like you're talking to one of your friends... sorry, mates.

And Cáceres' art (check out his gallery) painstakingly depicts the armors, weapons, and every other single detail of this book, while providing relatable facial expressions and gory (yes I mentioned that it's a gory book already, I know) battles, as real battles should be shown in comics. It kind of reminds me of how battles are depicted (I seem to love that word, don't I?) in the movie "The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc": bloody, and deadly. All this said, I must say again that it is a great adaptation of the story that battle; do like I did and read up on the Battle of Crécy before reading the comic and you'll enjoy it even more.

So now it's turn for the worst book of the week, and that's gonna fall to Metal Men #1. Duncan Rouleau weaves a confusing plot, perhaps intentionally so, but still boring; with art that is supposed to be retro, but has too much of a manga flavor to accomplish that goal of a retro feel. I don't have much more to say about it, I just didn't like it at all. On an unrelated note, and speaking of stuff that sucked big time, remember that horrible Question mask on last week's Countdown? Well, this is a message for the penciller and colorist of that issue, Manuel García and Thomas Chu. This is how you draw and color Renee Montoya as the Question:

Before starting with this week's nits, let's hear a big applause for Miss Kitty Fantastico, who correctly answered last week's "Spot The Nit", where Namor was lacking his ankle wings.
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"HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? CONTACTS ARE ALL THE RAGES WITH SUPERHEROES THESE DAYS!"

TITLE: All-New Atom.

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Alex Bleyaert (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: From page 4, panel 2, and for the rest of the book, Donna Troy's eyes are green, when they are (as with 90% of superhero comic book characters) blue.

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, she is a very well known character.
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"IT'S MY NEW CHIN GUARD."

TITLE: All-New Atom.

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Alex Bleyaert (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Well, well, well. I must admit that page 14, which has 6 nits (I believe this is the record for a single page), went completely unnoticed. Thankfully, members of the HNS Corps spotted them, and reported back to me. Bea and Roy, from Dragon Comics, found a lot of nits on that page, starting with this one.

All of this (including a sighting of Donna Troy's green contacts) happens in panel four of this page, though I must add that all these nits are getting a lower rating than they usually should because of the subjective nature of the "Heaven" the characters were in. The first nit is that Flash (whether it is supposed to be Barry or Bart) has his chin colored as part of the mask.

NIT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, it's the Flash.
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"IF THE ATOM IS ASIAN NOW, WHY CAN'T I BE ASIAN AS WELL?"

TITLE: All-New Atom.

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Alex Bleyaert (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Continuing, Red Bee shouldn't be colored as Asian, when he was Caucasian and blonde.

NIT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"SO, I REDESIGNED THE COSTUME, WHY NOT?"

TITLE: All-New Atom.

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Mike Norton (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: This nit was actually spotted yours truly, and I found it by checking if there hadn't been an Asian red bee. Red Bee's costume had short sleeves, not puffy long ones.

NIT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"A RED AND GREEN SUIT? REALLY?"

TITLE: All-New Atom.

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Alex Bleyaert (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: The Golden Age Star Man's body suit is colored white, instead of red, and his cape red instead of green.

NIT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"THIS IS MORE FEMENINE."

TITLE: All-New Atom.

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Mike Norton (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: Phantom Lady is wearing a skirt, instead of short pants.

NIT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"I'M WEARING THAT SPECIAL CREAM MONARCH RECCOMENDEND."

TITLE: All-New Atom.

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Alex Bleyaert (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: And lastly, Young Frankenstein's skin is colored as Caucasian, when he was green. Wow, Bleyaert got five nits in one issue, and one of them is the eye color of a major DC character!

Bea and Roy also pointed out two more nits, the first being that Isis' hair should be black and not brown. Isis had brown hair, even though it was a dark brown that often seemed black, and the lighting in this page makes it seem very light. So I can't really consider that a nit. The other nit was that Vigilante shouldn't be in Heaven, when he committed suicide. First of all, this is not actual Heaven; second, it's the Catholic Church (and I believe that other Christian churches too) that say that a suicide doesn't go to Heaven. In fact, as far as I know (which isn't a lot on this subject, I admit), no where in the Bible it says in clear cut words that suicide is a sin, or at least, that it's a sin that will keep you out of Heaven.

Like I usually say (being somewhat of a Catholic myself), God does not bother with the small stuff (not that suicide is small, keep reading and you'll see what I mean). If you were a good person, you get to go to Heaven, regardless of how your life ended, and let's face it, suicide is not something that is decided upon with a clear head, but rather something that you do when you're desperate and not completely sane. As a third point, consider that not all cultures considered suicide to be wrong, Seppuku, and hara-kiri were honorable ways to ends one life in ancient Japan, as just to cite the better known examples.

Furthermore, of the three Vigilantes who wore that costume, only Adrian Chase committed suicide. Alan Welles and Dave Winston were killed in action, the former by Chase himself, and Winston by Peacemaker. As a final comment, let me say that I, personally, believe that suicide is wrong, although I can understand what can lead a person to do it.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"NO, IT'S NOT THE CREAM, MICHAEL JACKSON IS MY COUSIN."

TITLE: American Virgin.

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Brian Miller (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 11, Vanessa (who is black) is colored correctly on all of the panels, except for panel 3, where she's unexplainably white, not to mention her lipstick is not colored in that panel either. Thanks to Trasgo for this nit.

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"DUDE, THAT'S LIKE, THE BEST PART OF HER COSTUME!"

TITLE: Black Canary V3.

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Paulo Siqueira (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: Wow, this think being weekly, Paulo Siqueira and Amilton Santos couldn't do the whole book, and other than the first 8 pages, the art was by Tom Derenick and Rodney Ramos. This is a miniseries, four issues people, four, how could they not have it all drawn by the same team? By the way, what the fuck is it with DC and weekly books? I get it with 52 and Countdown, but do we really need weekly Black Canary and Outsiders?

Anyhoo, the nit in this case is on page 2, on the first panel Black Canary doesn't have any fishnets, when they were there last week, and the y are a couple of panels down this very same page. I know she's in the background, but Siqueira can draw imperfections on the buildings and stars on a flag, but he can't draw Canary's fishnets?

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"I'M SO PISSED ABOUT THE FISHNETS, THAT I'M NOT GOING TO BOTHER WRITING THIS ONE UP. YOU GUESS IT."

TITLE: Black Canary V3.

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Tom Derenick (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 14, I am willing to accept that Black Canary can catch arrows (and even use a caught arrow to parry a second one, *groan*), but... it's time for Spooooooooot The Niiiiiiiiiit! Look at the page below and tell me if you spot it:


NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"IT'S A FRENCH NAME, WHO CARES?"

TITLE: Crécy.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Unnamed editor.

NIT-TO-PICK: The book correctly names the site of the battle as Crécy, but the back cover spells it as Crecy.

NIT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"IT'S A SPANISH NAME, WHO CARES?"

TITLE: Crécy.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Unnamed editor.

NIT-TO-PICK: The artist's last name should be "Cáceres", and not "Caceres".

NIT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"ONE BODY, TWO COSTUMES."

TITLE: Countdown.

ISSUE: 39.

CULPRIT: Jim Calafiore (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: So, Karate Kid and Una (ugh, I hate that name) make another appearance, and Una's costume looks different from what it was two issues ago, when she first appeared. Look below (this issue on the right), as minor changes we can mention that the cut of the bodice looks different at the sides (but we can't see the sides very well), and the length and shapes of the boots, and the material they seem to be made from look different. As for larger differences, she is now wearing golden bracers instead of white gloves, and she's wearing a belt.


NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Consistency people, consistency.
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"THEY'RE STILL IN THE LAUNDRY."

TITLE: Fantastic Four V1.

ISSUE: 548.

CULPRIT: Paul Mounts (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Ben and Johnny are still wearing blue FF uniforms, instead of the black ones that they started wearing since Black Panther and Storm joined.

NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars, I can't have this go up.
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"I'M AN OLD-FASHIONED KIND OF GUY."

TITLE: Fantastic Four V1.

ISSUE: 548.

CULPRIT: Paul Pelletier (penciller) and/or Dwayne McDuffie (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 15, the Black Panther is reading up about the Frightful Four (as any good tactician should, since they are his next opponents), but he's doing it from a binder... Are we supposed to believe that the king of one of the most technologically advanced nations in the world, who is currently a member of the most technologically advanced superhero team of the planet, and who is incidentally traveling in a spaceship that can go from Earth to Titan in minutes, doesn't have a pocket computer of some sorts? Please.

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, slightly less ridiculous than the wooden box for the Galactus contingency plan.
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"FLOORS GET FIXED QUICKLY AROUND HERE, WE'VE GOT A GOOD CONTRACTOR."

TITLE: Iron And The Maiden.

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Francis Manapul & Joel Gómez (pencillers).

NIT-TO-PICK: On the last panel of page 7, Iron jumps on a guy and literally drives him into the ground, breaking the floor. No indications of him moving even a single step are given, yet by the next page, he's standing on a pristine floor, with no signs of what happened. Thanks to ICS.net's Editor In Chief, Brecht for this nit, and for making me read this book. It's got potential, and I like the mecha (that is, including cars) designs.

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"COMMAS MATTER NOT TO BIG DADDY!"

TITLE: Iron And The Maiden.

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Comicraft (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 29, Big Daddy says "Iron wasn't so lucky he survived."; when it should read "Iron wasn't so lucky, he survived."

NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"I'M DOING MED SCHOOL AT S.H.I.E.L.D., YOU KNOW?""

TITLE: The Irredeemable Ant-Man.

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Robert Kirkman (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 9, Ant-Man's medical report after his "battle" with the Hulk is being read, and it mentions, among other things, "Compound fractures to your right tibula (...)". Problem is, "tibula" is not a proper medical term, it's a colloquialism common among doctors and med students for the fibula and tibia, the lower leg bones, but it's not a correct technical term. I highly doubt that it'd be used in a S.H.I.E.L.D. document. See here for more info.

NIT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"THIS SHIRT IS MY SPARE ONE, MADE BY MY NEPHEW..."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3.

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Fernando Pasarin (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page one, panel three, Jay Garrick's symbol on his shirt is drawn incorrectly, as a free-standing lightning bolt that points down, when it should come up from his waist (the base of the lightning joined to his pants' waistline) and pointing upwards. Also, Green Lantern's chest emblem should be seen from behind his crossed arms, but never mind.

NIT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"IT MAKES ME LOOK YOUNGER."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3.

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Of course, Jeromy... same page, same panel, Ted Grant, aka Wildcat, has all-black hair, when his temples should be grey.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"GRACE, IS THAT YOU?"

TITLE: Outsiders: Five Of A Kind.

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Apart from how horribly she's drawn, Grace's tattoos are missing from her arms on pages 4 and 5. God, missing tattoos aside, how can anyone draw like this?!!? Is Katana leaning on Metamorpho's leg?

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"WEEE.... I'M HIGH!"

TITLE: Outsiders: Five Of A Kind.

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Look at this image; apart from the horrible art (Grace in particular), the heights of the characters don't match. Grace is 7 feet tall, but she looks no taller than Metamorpho, who is eleven inches shorter (granted, he is a shapeshifter), and barely half a foot taller than Thunder, who is 5'7". Also, the only thing making Thunder the 5 inches higher than she should be, when compared to Katana, is her 'fro. And I have no idea how tall Captain Boomerang II is, but Batman is 6'2" and Nightwing is only four inches shorter, not a full foot shorter as it looks here.


Now look below, Metamorpho looks taller than Grace, and Katana is definitely taller than Thunder.


And finally, on the last page, Batman is barely half a head taller than Nightwing.


NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, actually, since he got all the character's proportions wrong, and couldn't even be consistent with them, I'm counting this as two separate nits of 10.
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"MY HOMETOWN OF UMLAUTOWN."

TITLE: Outsiders: Five Of A Kind.

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Nunzio DeFilippis & Christina Weir (writers) and/or John J. Hill (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page five, panel one, Nightwing, in a narrator's box, refers to his previous hometown as Bludhaven, when it's called Blüdhaven.

NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"ARTIST'S RENDITION."

TITLE: Outsiders: Five Of A Kind.

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 6, Captain Boomerang talks about Batman holding the death of Jack Drake (Robin's dad) over him, since it was caused (materially) by his father. An image of what could be Boomer's idea of what happened is shown, and it doesn't match at all what was shown in Identity Crisis #6. Look below, on the left we got Identity Crisis, and on the right we've got this comic book.


Robin's expression being different, his costume not being in Batman's hand can be overlooked, as it could be a moment later than the original image. Even Jack Drake's body being in a different place, and without the boomerang sticking from his chest can be explained by this being Boomer's idea of what happened... but why does none of the bodies there look like Captain Boomerang or Jack Drake? Who is that blonde person with long flowing hair? It's obvious that Williams at least glanced at the original panel, because the room looks like the original one, and the position of one of the bodies mirrors that of Jack Drake's (but not its placement), but he straight up disregarded it.

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"I JUST RAID GIFT SHOPS IN OZ."

TITLE: Outsiders: Five Of A Kind.

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Nunzio DeFilippis & Christina Weir (writers) and/or John J. Hill (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 14, Captain Boomerang says that the boomerang he just threw is wooden. Are we supposed to buy that he uses wooden boomerangs?

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"SHAZAM, CAPTAIN MARVEL, WHO THE HELL CARES?"

TITLE: Outsiders: Five Of A Kind.

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Nunzio DeFilippis & Christina Weir (writers) and/or John J. Hill (letterer), and/or Rachel Gluckstern (associate editor) & Joan Hilty (editor).

NIT-TO-PICK: The last page of the story says that the next book is "Katana & Shazam!", but the "Next in..." spot on the following page says "Katana and Captain Marvel....". To confuse matters further, the image for next issue shows Katana and Billy Batson, who is currently Shazam.

NIT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"QUINN..."

TITLE: Queen & Country.

ISSUE: 32.

CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer) and/or Douglas E. Sherwood (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: All good things must come to an end, and this is the last issue of Queen & Country. At least for now, because Greg Rucka promises a second series some time in the future. Rucka hasn't been able to pay this book the attention it deserves, and he's responsible enough to admit it and pull the plug from it, or at least put in cold storage. He also promises that some time in the near future there'll be a new Declassified mini, with Tara Chace as the star. Can't wait, this is one of my favorite books.

In this case, when Paul Crocker and Angela Cheng discuss support for his agents in Baghdad, Paul says "angents" instead of "agents".

NIT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"...AND KOUNTRY."

TITLE: Queen & Country.

ISSUE: 32.

CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer) and/or Douglas E. Sherwood (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: When the Iraqis that have Tara and others captive are filming a statement to precede their execution, the one who's speaking says "(...) their war agains Islam.", and it should read "against".

NIT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"YES, THEY'RE STILL IN THE LAUNDRY!"

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men.

ISSUE: 489.

CULPRIT: Jason Keith (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page six, Johnny Storm's uniform is a traditional FF blue one, when he and Ben, as mentioned before, are using black uniforms these days.

NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"SOLDIERS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN CIVILIANS."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men.

ISSUE: 489.

CULPRIT: Ed Brubaker (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: Storm says on page 17, about the Morlock cell led by Masque "Have they truly strayed this far?", after seeing how they killed several O*N*E* agents; but this is right after they disfigured a trainful of civilians.

NIT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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So, a whopping 31 nits, but a measly 5.6 Bazzars average; we had a lot of low-rated ones. This week we (we who?) are giving out a lot of HNS badges. and in fact, here's an incentive for collecting them. I hereby create the Honorary Nitpicker Scout Corps, with a rank structure loosely based on the Galactic Empire's Navy (from Star Wars, of course). I am the one and only Grand Admiral of the HNS Corps, and the ranks (and amount of badges you need to be promoted) are as follow:

(NOTE: This has been updated to reflect current values. MaGnUs, 2009.)

High Admiral 131-infinite
Admiral 101-130
Rear Admiral 81-100
Vice Admiral 66-80
Commodore 51-65
Captain 41-50
Commander 26-40
Lieutenant Commander 16-25
Lieutenant 6-15
Ensign 1-5

This week, we've got a badge each for Miss Kitty Fantastico, Bea, Roy, Trasgo, and Brecht. Bea and Roy still need to sort out who gets the badge for the Teen Titans Go! nit from last week, and see who has one more than the rest of the crew. From now on, you can sign with your ranks, if you like. I'll do it every now and then, when it fancies me. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more nits, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE NITPICKER!
Grand Admiral MaGnUs, HNS Corps