The Dissector

The Dissector #129.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"My name is Peter Parker. I am Spider-Man. I was bit by a one-of-a-kind spider and now I have one-of-a-kind spider-powers. I saved the world. Or at least helped save it. I almost died doing it. A couple of times. For real. But I didn't. I've fought bad guys of every shape and size. True bad guys. World-class villains. Bad bad guys. I've met super heroes, icons. Captain America. Yep. You're talking to a sixteen-year-old who can swing across the city on a web line he actually invented. A guy who can lift a city bus over his head. A guy who has fought the Hulk and walked away from it. We're talking' vampires, mutants, Doctor Doom, Sandman, Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus... I have already seen and done more than most people will ever get to do in their whole lives. And now I have one question, and I want you to think about this very carefully. I want you to look me in the eye and I want you to tell me: Do you want fries with that?" Peter Parker, working in a fast food restaurant, Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #1.

Well, that quote is certainly a mouthful... Welcome to the column for comics published on 08/12. Without further ado, let me tell you that JohnnyDoe is now a Lieutenant in the HDSC, thanks to the badge he earned by figuring out that Streaky was being called a "she", when he's male. Simple as that, nice keen eye for the Silver Age, LT!

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week; for your reading pleasure. Best Book Of The Week was a tie, between Adventure Comics #1 (or #504, I prefer to call it, and DC hasn't forgotten about that). Geoff Johns is without a doubt one of the best superhero comic writers of the past decade, and Francis Manapul, now using a painted, more realistic style (as opposed to the blocky manga-like style he used on LSH) is a perfect fit for Superboy. Of course, a second feature (have I mentioned how much I love DC's second features idea?) starring the Legion doesn't hurt at all, and Clayton Henry does a pretty good job with the art for that story.

I'll have to mention Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #1 came very close; Bendis and Lafuente provide a very good Spidey story. Bendis obviously knows the characters, and Lafuente's art, while not my favorite kind, allows us to remember that Ultimate Spidey is a sixteen years old kid... and a comparatively scrawny and short one. Good job, and while not as good, Ultimate Comics Avengers #1 was very good too.

Worst Book Of The Week? Surprisingly, not Final Crisis Aftermath: Escape #4. While still boring, and not making much sense, at least it's not drawn by Marco Rudy (remember his awful and inconsistent Fire?), but by Cliff Richards (who doesn't destroy Fire). I've toppled a bad artist!!! (Nah, not really) No, Worst Book Of The Week was The Red Circle: Inferno... muddy art, and a boring, confusing, and un-engaging story. With The Red Circle: The Hangman, which wasn't that much (but still passable), DC's revival of The Red Circle characters doesn't look good so far. That's it then, dissections!
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"BLUE EL."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 880.

CULPRIT: Javier Mena (colorist).

DISSECTION: Christopher Kent's eyes are colored blue, when he's brown-eyed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"SWITCHEROO!"

TITLE: Adventure Comics (DC Comics).

ISSUE: 504.

CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: Yes, I've decided to refer to this book with the original numbering; since the dual numbering is not just on the covers, but on the indicia of the book, which makes it pretty clear that is more than just a gimmick. No dissections on the Superboy story, but in the Legion character spread Night Girl and Shadow Lass have the info caption boxes switched between them.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There are other mistakes, such as omitting important powers from certain info boxes (namely Superman's invulnerability, or the fact that Polar Boy doesn't just control cold, he generates it too).
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"DISSECT THE LEGION."

TITLE: Adventure Comics (DC Comics).

ISSUE: 504.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Try this one, it's easy.


DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 602.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

DISSECTION: Harry's eyes are colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, there's an accented letter smaller than it should be.
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"LE BUREAU DU ACCENTS."

TITLE: B.P.R.D.: 1947 (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Clem Robins (letterer).

DISSECTION: Two letters with accents are smaller than they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
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"BLACKEST NIT."

TITLE: Blackest Night (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 8.

CULPRIT: Ivan Reis (penciller).

DISSECTION: Again, Hal's chest emblem, and his ring, are wrong over and over.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"BOOSTER EYES."

TITLE: Booster Gold V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Raven and Rip Hunter get their eyes colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each. Second feature (have I told you how much I love these second features?) colorist Guy Major also gets the eye color wrong for Blue Beetle's friend Paco.
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"VERY WEL."

TITLE: Captain America Theater of War: To Soldier On (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Fernando Blanco (artist).

DISSECTION: Yeah, I love it that more non-American artists work in big American comics these days, but can we at least make sure they spell check stuff, even if their English is not good.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"52."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: Various.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I've been labeling issue numbers of Wednesday Comics as if it had twelve issues only; when it's a yearlong weekly comic. I've done it three times.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"SEVEN OF EIGHT."

TITLE: G.I. Joe Special-Helix (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Andy Schmidt (editor).

DISSECTION: At the end of the book, there's an ad for G.I. Joe regular series, issue #7... when issue #8 came out this month.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"BADGE SWITCHEROO."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 39.

CULPRIT: Patrick Gleason (penciller).

DISSECTION: Kyle Rayner's badge (I'm going to start calling them badges, which is what they are) is wrong. Some people have suggested that perhaps Hal Jordan changed the look of his own badge, but when they get several Lanterns' badges wrong, and now they're giving Kyle the same badge Hal should have, and Hal a badge that looks a lot like Kyle's should.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"INCREDIBLE HERCULOR."

TITLE: Incredible Hercules (Marvel).

ISSUE: 132.

CULPRIT: Guillem Mari (colorist).

DISSECTION: Both Hercules' and Athena's eyes are colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"A BREEZE OF EYE COLOR CHANGE."

TITLE: JSA VS Kobra (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Art Lyon (colorist).

DISSECTION: Cyclone's eyes are colored blue, when she has green eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Jay Garrick's boots are drawn wrong too.
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"S.C.A.R.F."

TITLE: R.E.B.E.L.S. (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Andy Clarke (penciller).

DISSECTION: I'm glad Andy Clarke is back, but he got Scar's emblem and robes wrong.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"ALL HAIL MIGHTY DARKSEID."

TITLE: Titans V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Brian Cunningham (editor).

DISSECTION: An editor caption says that Darkseid's Justifier helmets enslaved most of the DCU in Final Crisis; when they only enslaved most of the population of Earth.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Red Arrow's hair is colored blonde, when he has red hair.
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"THE MISWRITTEN."

TITLE: The Unwritten (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Todd Klein (letterer).

DISSECTION: Two accented letters are smaller than they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
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"DEFECTIVE COMICS. TAKE TWO."

TITLE: Various DC Books Released On 08/12 (DC).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Pat Brosseau (letterer).

DISSECTION: So, the new Magog book is written by "Kieth" Giffen?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WEDNESDAY MIXUP."

TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 52.

CULPRIT: Blambot's Nate Piekos (letterer, Metamorpho story).

DISSECTION: Metamorpho has a plan, then congratulates Element Girl on her good thinking.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Iris West's eyes are colored incorrectly, again.
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"ACCENTS FOREVER."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Tom Orzechowski (letterer).

DISSECTION: Just an accented letter smaller than it should be, a surprise when it comes to a Chris Claremont book these days.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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So, we had a 6.3 Bazzar average in thirty-seven dissections; pretty standard. Before the Moments Of The Week, I have a new section, which I've been wanting to do for a while... The Cover of The Week! Turns out there weren't any fantastic covers this week, so I went with one with classic value:


Mister Dave Cockrum's lovely Storm, from the Marvel 70th Anniversary variant cover for X-Men Forever #5. It's nice, not awesome, since they just took a Cockrum sketch, colored it and slapped it on a cover, but it's the best this week. Alright then, we've got quite a few Moments Of The Week this week, so here we go, first up is Starman confirming that Quislet is still around:


Of course, Starman is insane, but Geoff Johns himself told me we'd see more of Quislet. Is Geoff insane too? Next up, I know Rond Vidar's been an honorary Legionnaire, but this preview is just too cool:


An actual Green Lantern Legionnaire!!! Nerdgasm!!! More Lantern stuff, this is scary:


And that's why you should cremate your super powered dead. Next, how do you honor a dead Wolverine?


Of course, the German guy gets it! And I betcha he didn't get him American beer! Next, from an older comic, Comic Book Comics #2 (a book I recommend heartily, from the same creators as Action Philosophers), a look on Wertham's scientific method and its "rebukal" by comic book advocates:


Ah, William Moulton Marston, you kinky bastard. Next, from the same book, TV stars' wacky anticks:


Indeed, Caped Cuckolder! And, yet one more from this book:


So true... Last, but not least, the Avengers Assemble!


The Pet Avengers, that is! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!