The Dissector

The Dissector #127.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"The zombie horde tears into you like a pack of three year olds into a bag of two cent candy." B.A. Felton, Knights Of The Dinner Table #139.

Yes, that quote is from last year, but it’s still funny, and I just got the issue. Trying to stay on top, here's the column for comics released on 07/29, and let's start by congratulating Ensign JohnnyDoe for cracking the DT! from last week. Tigra's feet look like normal female feet, instead of having claws like she should. JD also pointed out that her hands look too much like claws, but I'll let that pass as artistic license. Badge for you, old bean!

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was Ignition City #4; nothing spectacular, but Warren Ellis writes a nice tale, no matter the setting, and "pulppunk" is a strong suit for him. Worst Book Of The Week was Ultimatum #5... last issue of a stinker of an event, which probably ruined the Ultimate universe. Dissections time now.
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"DOOMED LETTERING."

TITLE: Batman: The Brave And The Bold (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: A word balloon intended for Batman points towards Robotman. Travis, you're just not paying attention to the Johnny DC titles, eh?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"ALBERT MATCH FREE."

TITLE: Battlefields: The Tankies (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Garth Ennis (writer).

DISSECTION: As usual, Dominik helped me with the German in this issue. Ennis has a Nazi officer use the phrase "Arbeiten sie ihre besondere zauberei", which is Babelfish translation of "Work your special magic." However, that phrase doesn't exist in German, and the verb "arbeiten" can't be used in that way. A suitable alternative would have been "Tu das, was du am besten kannst.", which translates as "Do what you do best".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Badge for you, Dom.
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"HE BOUGHT IT ON AMAZON."

TITLE: Blackest Night: Tales Of The Corps (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Mike Mayhew (artist) and/or Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: Arisia's father gives her a book by Tomar Re... and Re's name is on regular Latin characters on the cover. I'm not buying that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, when Arisia joins the Corps, Guy Gardner is seen in Oa. He wouldn't have been there at the moment, since he was in a coma at the time; plus, he wouldn't have been wearing his personalized uniform, even if it was during the short time before his coma where he covered for Hal.
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"THE GOBLIN AND EYE."

TITLE: Dark Reign: The Goblin Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Tom Chu (colorist).

DISSECTION: Even if this very book includes profiles for Harry and Norman Osborn stating their eyes are blue, they still get their eyes colored incorrectly. Consistency, please.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"LETHAL EYES."

TITLE: Dark Reign: Lethal Legion (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Chris Sotomayor (colorist).

DISSECTION: You've guessed it, it's Norman's eyes again.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"SIÑISTER SPIDER-MAN."

TITLE: Dark Reign: The Sinister Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Brian Reed (writer).

DISSECTION: "Ibanez", the last name of what seems to be NYPD's Chief should be "Ibáñez". "Ibanez" doesn't exist.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Norman's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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"NORMAN IN DA HIZZAZ!!!"

TITLE: Dark Reign: Young Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Sotocolor's Larry Molinar & Adam Street (colorists).

DISSECTION: Norman Osborn is in this issue. Take a guess.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There's also a letter with a diacritic that's undersized.
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"WOLVEINE."

TITLE: Dark X-Men: The Beginning (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Rob Williams (writer).

DISSECTION: Norman Osborn calls Daken a "berserker", but Daken answers with "beserker".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars. Also, since Norman is in this issue, so you know what that means.
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"BOW-CHICA-WA-WA."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 855.

CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer).

DISSECTION: If Varga's dialogue is between brackets, to signify that it's actually in Spanish, why does it include the word "chica" in Spanish, instead of "girl" in English?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"YO, SISTER!"

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 855.

CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer) and/or Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).

DISSECTION: Mean Jeff sent me this dissection he spotted:

"Herr Magnus,

In case you don't know, just thought I'd bring to your attention page 5 of the Question back-up in Detective 855.

On the first page, Renee tells Varga, "Hector Soliz wants to know where his SISTER is, Varga." Yet on page 5, after she puts a beatdown on Varga, she asks "Where's Hector, Sister?"

If you're an editor, are you supposed to READ the rough draft before it goes to print and make corrections, or is the title just a formality?

Seems to be a lot of this going around.

-Mean Jeff"

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars. Thanks for this, Jeff, and here's another badge for you.
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"MEA CULPA, MEA."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 127.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe caught this one:

"Another thing, in the "FANTASTIC CONTACT LENSES." part you wrote "DISSECTION: Mr. Fantastic's eyes should be brown, but they've been colored brown.".
Well if that is the case all should be fine then :-)"

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Thanks JD, another badge for you. Two more and you'll make Lieutenant. I've also been neglecting to label Unknown Soldier as V4.
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"LAURIE LEMMON, NOT LORI LEMARIS."

TITLE: Final Crisis: Legion Of 3 Worlds (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Over at the Legion Omnicom, Boox909 gave me a heads up that on this issue, Superboy-Prime's girlfriend, Laurie Lemmon is called "Lori" in this issue, when she was correctly called "Laurie" in previous issues.

Boox9009, allow me to welcome you to the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps, with your first badge and the rank of Ensign.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, on the credits, George Pérez' "é" gets mangled.
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"BLUE MARBLES."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Pete Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: It's not Norman, but Hoshi Kimiyo's eyes are colored blue, when they should be black. Do you just start coloring a comic book decide to give a Japanese character blue eyes, and you can't see anything odd about that?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Plastic Man's legs are painted as if he wore pants... and he doesn't; all in the same page where he is colored correctly in the rest of the panels
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"A TRUE MAMMOTH."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Jesús Merino (artist).

DISSECTION: Mammoth is a large man, but he's not inhumanly big; yet Merino draws him so that each of his arms is the size of Citizen Steel's entire body.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There are also a few costuming mistakes, plus Merino's first name is shown in the credits as "Jesus".
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"SENORA SANADÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚ!!!"

TITLE: Madame Xanadu (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: Matt, it's "Señora" and "Tomás", not "Senora" and "Tomas".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
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"BABIES: IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE, THEY SHIFT SIZE ALL THE TIME."

TITLE: New Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 55.

CULPRIT: Stuart Immonen (penciller).

DISSECTION: Danielle Cage is drawn much smaller and younger than she should be, and bald, as a two or three months old baby, when she's shown to be at least one year old. and with a full head of hair.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There are other mistakes, like making Jessica Jones' hair orange, and drawing and coloring Captain America's boots incorrectly.
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"TO BOLDLY PUT YOUR BALLOONS..."

TITLE: Star Trek: Mission's End (IDW).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Neil Uyetake (letterer).

DISSECTION: A word balloon for Kirk is actually pointing at Spock. Oh, I got my Burger King Spock Prime toy today!!! I still want a Scotty and a regular Spock toy, but even though I've been to BK four times in the past month and a half, I haven't been able to get one. Kewl toys, except that the Spanish voices for the chips were recorded by Polish people who don't speak the language...

My kid opted for the ships and instruments, he has the communicator, the Jellyfish, and the Enterprise. Here's the whole set.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. The Star Trek II add is also on this book.
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"SOLO TUS OJOS."

TITLE: Star Wars Adventures: Princess Leia and the Royal Ransom (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Atiyeh (colorist).

DISSECTION: Han Solo's eyes are colored green during most of the issue... then brown (as they should be) for a couple of panels... then green again. So, not only are you unable to look at character references for one of the MAIN CHARACTERS OF THE STAR WARS SAGA, but you're also unable to keep your crap consistent for a single comic?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Yes. It's Han FUCKING Solo, not BoShek (who has brown eyes too, BTW & FYI).
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"COLORINKA, TOVARISCH."

TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).

ISSUE: 134.

CULPRIT: Frank Martin (colorist).

DISSECTION: Incorrectly colored eyes? Yes, but not Norman's but Natasha Romanova's. Her eyes should be green, but they're colored blue here.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, there's a Russian vowel with diacritic that's smaller than it should be.
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"UNKNOWN SEÑOR."

TITLE: Unknown Soldier V4 (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Joshua Dysart (writer).

DISSECTION: Please, please!!! It's "señor", not "senor"!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WEDNESDAY THIS!"

TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 12.

CULPRIT: Jimmy Palmiotti (writer).

DISSECTION: Find me this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. There are also some eyes colored incorrectly, Iris' and Hawkman's.
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MAGNITO.""

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer) and/or Jordan D. White & Charlie Beckerman (assistant editors) and/or Mark Paniccia (editor).

DISSECTION: On the recap page, what's a "supremicist"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. There are also several smaller accented letters.
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We had an average 6.4 Bazzars in forty eight Dissections. Now it's time for the Moments Of The Week. First up, the Tankies say goodbye having a good smoke:


Reminds me of a story... a guy I know used to smoke Russian cigarettes he bought from sailors in the harbor. They were NASTY pieces of shit that smelled awful; probably made out of one third normal tobacco, one third black tobacco, and one third Chernobyl waste. One day, in college (when you could still smoke in class), he left his pack of smokes on his chair, and went to ask the professor a question. When he returned to his seat, the smokes were gone, but he found some money and a note that read "BUY YOURSELF SOME MARLBOROS, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

I guess it's funnier when he tells it... Next up, I get a guest spot on Ignition City!!!


And this is how my house would smell:


... if it wasn't for my wife. Now, for some Star Wars fun, what's 100% necessary in Star Wars? Starships? Jedi? Adventure? Aliens?


No, incest. Even they are half-siblings, you just need to add their mom, Nyna Calixte (aka Morrigan Corde) and we'll have a threencestsome! And last, still in Star Wars, Grand Admiral/Grand Moff/High Moff Morlish Veed adds another title to his collection:



Yeah, he's not going to take advantage of his situation.... particularly not when it would shorten his business card by just making it read "Emperor". That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!