The Dissector #199.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

05-04 "Bah! I can travel in both time and relative dimensions in space!" Doctor Dinosaur, Atomic Robo & Others Free Comic Book Day 2011.

05-11 "This is nothing but bullshit! You expect us to believe that he can't get into this school because he hasn't passed English???? That's the worst excuse I've heard in my entire fucking life. What is it? You didn't like his psych test because this moron wrote all that crap about death and Jim Morrison's grave?" La Ranita, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll.

05-18 "Tony said he hated the Norse god speech pattern I'd developed and promised to give ten million dollars to charity if I spoke like a normal person again." Thor, Ultimate Avengers Vs. New Ultimates #4.

05-25 "Y'know, there are times I wish Uncle Ben had told me that with great power comes pie..." Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #662.

And welcome to a new column, this time for the month of May. Last column's DT! was cracked by Captain JohnnyDoe, who noticed that Martian Manhunter is too tall on that cover. Yes, he's a shapeshifter, but still... Let's go to the Picks of the Month:

Cover Of The Week for 05/04 was Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers #6, by James Silvani and Jake Miller; even if the title characters are not in the cover, the other two stars are, and it's the perfect image of what a Rescue Rangers' adventure should be. Best Book for that week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art Of Science #5; a perfect ending for a, as usual, great mini from the Robo team. Worst Book was JSA All-Stars #18. Blocky, ugly art that lacks soul, and a bland plot. It's not bad that this book is ending soon. Best Book Of The Week for 05/11 is Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #518, I can't stress enough how fun, fast-paced, yet filled with character moments this book by David Liss and Francesco Francavilla is. Worst Book for 05/11 is Justice League Of America V2 #57. It's no secret I've found James Robinson's JLA run boring, and Brett Booth's art, while good, is not enough to save this book. Cover for that week is Patrick Zircher's alternate FF #3 cover with (part of) Wolverine's graphic evolution.

Cover for 05/18 is Alex Ross's cover for Rocketeer Adventures #1... I wouldn't mind having that painting. Best Book of that week was Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #13. Paul Levitz never fails to deliver, and while I'd prefer that all art was Yildiray Cinar, Jonathan Glapion is not bad as his co-artist. Don't look for groundbreaking comic book storytelling, though, this is just a straight up future superhero romp. Worst Book was X-Men Giant-Size #1... a pointless fight, and a *yawn* ultra-powerful enemy that seeks to eradicate mutants, completely pulled out of nowhere, complete with a flashback to some of Cyclops' repressed memories from when the original five were Xavier's only X-Men. Best Book for 05/25 was issue #2 of The Strange Case of Mr. Hyde. It's a fresh take on the old tale, intertwining it with Jack The Ripper's, newcomer writer Cole Haddon (who comes from the screenwriting and movie journalism fields) spins an entertaining story that sounds at the same time fresh, modern, and Victorian as well. M.S. Corley (who I hadn't heard of before either) delivers great art that fits the story perfectly, enhanced by Jim Campbell's colors; and the whole thing is embellished by Richard Starking & Comicraft's lettering. Is it mind-blowing? No, I wouldn't say so. But it's so neat, so well done, that you can't help but say "man, this is a good comic book". Give it to people who don't usually read comics. Worst Book was Action Comics #901. One of the most boring Super Team Vs. Doomsdays fights I've ever red, Paul Cornell usually writes better things. Plus, why should I care about this book's numbering and history, if they're rewinding everything soon? Meh. Cover for this week is this sweet 70s movie poster style painting by Clayton Crain from Green Lantern V4 #66.

Let's get to those dissections...
<-------------------------------->
"ÖBAMA."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 901.

CULPRIT: Jesus Merino (artist) & Paul Cornell (writer).

DISSECTION: Current DCU president (shown mostly in Freedom Fighters) is not Obama, nor does he even look like him (he's actually white).

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Plus, it's actually un-DC to have a real-life president (although they've done it before, occasionally).
<-------------------------------->
"THE DYSSECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Clockwork Chap).

ISSUE: 198.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: My apologies to HDSC member Sidney, whose name I spelled as "Sydney" last column. Badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BACK TO THE LEAGUE."

TITLE: JLA V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 58.

CULPRIT: Mike Miller (penciller).

DISSECTION: Check this one, from 2001:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TIME TWIST."

TITLE: Knights Of The Dinner Table: Black Hands 2011 Special (Kenzer & Co.).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Jolly Blackburn (writer).

DISSECTION: Weird Pete, Patty, B.A., and Earl are all talking about when Nitro had recently returned from the Marines, fifteen years ago, and Earl says he remembers him as being terrible back then. Only problem is, Earl was introduced in the strip as a new character, transferring from another college to the local university only a few years ago. This doesn't jive even with a fluid timescale (like the one this comic uses), because Earl was specifically introduced as a new guy in town.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"~^?"

TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel)

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer)

DISSECTION: Penciller Sergio Ariño gets his name wrong, with a "^" instead of the "~" that the "ñ" should have... and it's halfway over the A and the R...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Double.
<-------------------------------->
"IF I HAD A HAMMER."

TITLE: The New Avengers V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis.

DISSECTION: Given how public it was during Norman Osborn's "Dark Reign", there's absolutely no way anyone, much less a cop, would not know what H.A.M.M.E.R. is or was.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GRILS, GRILS, GRILS."

TITLE: Suicide Girls (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 & 02.

CULPRIT: Unidentified production designer.

DISSECTION: One of the ads at the end says "suiciegirls". I know producing this complete marketing vehicle must sap your enthusiasm, but you can at least write the brand name right, no?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TA-NO-TANTU."

TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Fabrizio Fiorentino (penciller).

DISSECTION: Vixen's powers come from her Tantu totem necklace. So you kind of have to draw it on her, not just a random animal fang necklace.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LET'S JUST SKIP A FEW STEPS IN EVOLUTON."

TITLE: X-Men Giant-Size (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Christopher Yost (penciller) and Paco Medina (penciller).

DISSECTION: "For Homo sapien to live... Australopithecus sediba had to die.", that phrase is full of fail, because Australopithecus weren't even proto-humans, Australopithecine were bipedal and dentally similar to humans, but with a brain size not much larger than modern apes, lacking the encephalization characteristics of the genus Homo. The date is wrong, too, since it says 2.5 million years ago, and A. sediba lived between 1.95 and 1.78 million years ago.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for using the Australopithecine instead of one of the archaic Homo sapiens (such as Homo heidelbergensis, Homo rhodesiensis, or Homo neanderthalensis), 7 for the wrong date.
<-------------------------------->
May, then, has an average of 8.2 Bazzars in ten dissections. Pretty high, but then again, I'm only keeping the most outrageous dissections these days. Let's go with the Moments Of The Month. First, from 05/04's issue of Atomic Robo, Tesla has a real "war of the currents" with Edison:


If you know me, you know this is fan service for me. Thank you, Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegener! Next, more from the same issue:


The real reason behind alternating current! More Atomic Robo, from the 2011 Free Comic Book Day Special, we learn how Dr. Dinosaur gets his guns:


Moving on to the next week, what's a good idea to have Batman everywhere?


Well, it's certainly NOT bat-robots, Bruce! Of course, what can we expect from...


... an internet troll? Now, from a Uruguayan comic, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll, the stuff we do as drunken teenagers:


I didn't do THAT exactly, and I was a pretty nerdy guy who went out dancing and drinking very little... but I did a few stupid things while drunk, so I smile at this from a "yeah, I know" viewpoint. Week of 05/18 brought me some Quislet action over in LSH:


And it's almost as if the book had been written for me:


Good one. Now, more fan service, even if I don't like this artist, is having Lockheed meet up with Kitty Pryde in Astonishing X-Men:


That didn't go to well... or did it?


Guns! Big guns! You know who knows his place in the universe? Paladin:


He keeps it real. More Uruguayan stuff, from Orange Shaft, you shouldn't try to mug the wrong guy:


Believe me, this one of the tamest scenes in the whole book. You should see what Orange Shaft does to a guy's testicles with an arrow... Now, from 05/25, what do Donald's famous nephews do when they're not out adventuring?


They adventure some more! And to finish the column, John Stewart goes Death Star:


Again. Man, poor Mogo. I mean, we know he doesn't socialize, but that's no reason to do that to him That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #198.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

04-06 "(...) that's the great thing about being evil. Good is ever-vigilant because good never knows when evil will strike. Evil, on the other hand, always knows when it's going to strike, so evil can afford to take a couple of days off." Abyss I, Abyss: Family Issues #2.

04-13 "You lack protocol. "Imperius Rex" is generally reserved for before battle is joined." Namor, Uncanny X-Men #535.

04-20 "This has gone on long enough! I've got a reality-devouring elder beast to get to. You, sir, are in the way! En garde!" Darkwing Duck, Darking Duck #11.

04-27 "Getting to kick Logan in the face is definitely silver lining." Spider-Man, X-Men V3 #10.

Trying to get these out of the way so I can regain my regular posting rhythm (although I'm considering going monthly), this is the column for the month of April. On another matter, but still within the subject of change, I've launched Clockwork Chap, my own venture for freelance writing, comic book lettering, sound editing, minor graphic design, etc... Studio Robota is still the label for my projects with my bro Endriago, but since The Dissector is my own baby, it'll be under the banner of Clockwork Chap. So go to Facebook, and like it! Last column's DT! was cracked by Sydney: with Parallax again inside the GL Central Battery, their rings are again ineffective on yellow stuff... so how was Hal carrying Sinestro's ring within an energy globe? But Syd hasn't been reading the GL books, so he just took a guess. Still, he got it right.

Let's go with the Picks for each week. Cover Of The Week of 04-06 was that nice Robotman piece from Doom Patrol #21 by Matthew Clark, Serge Lapointe, and Guy Major. I just liked it. Best Book this week was Uncanny X-Men #534.1, Kieron Gillen's debut as UXM writer is off to a great start, with an excellent showcase for Magneto and why he's with the X-Men. Art by Carlos Pacheco is certainly up to the task, as the veteran artist certainly knows his X-Men. Worst Book was the JLA 80-Page Giant 2011... Adam Glass writes a completely non-compelling tale of several JLA members (and not, since Lobo, Etrigan, and Ragman are there, for example) wading through different circles of infernal punishment in one of those Satanus-Blaze-whoever bi-monthly-fight-for-control of-whatever-passes-for-some-version-of-Hell but-is-not-actually-Hell comics; and it doesn't even make sense, since while I can see how Oracle and Booster Gold can be in the "gluttony" circle, since one craves information and the other fame and glory; but why are Supergirl and Wonder Woman in the "lust" one? Or Zatanna and John Stewart in "treachery"? Not to mention the bland and inconstant art by Scott McDaniel, with inexpressive faces, weird poses, detail-light group shots where characters wear costumes belonging to others or Batman wears long shorts over his tights; and having Zatanna look Asian or Supergirl look like a forty-year old Bette Middler... add to that lettering, continuity, and coloring mistakes (which don't make the column now, but do detract from quality), and I wonder how editors greenlight these things. Best Book for the Week of 04/13 was Black Panther: Man Without Fear #517, David Liss tells a fast-paced, yet very detailed urban vigilante story, with relatable characters. Not to mention Francesco Francavilla's pulp-styled art, which I'll certainly miss from Liss's upcoming continuation series, Black Panther: The Most Dangerous Man Alive. Worst Book was Secret Warriors #26... for the last fifteen issues this books has been the perfect example of a book where a lot happens, yet nothing is really happening. Writer Jonathan Hickman weaves interesting conspiracies and comes up with fun pseudoscientific concepts, but in Secret Warriors, as well as in S.H.I.E.L.D., nothing actually happens, nothing at least that couldn't be told in a quarter of the pages used. Fantastic Four and now FF are not far behind in this style of Hickman's, but at least there I care about the characters. But back to Secret Warriors, Alessandro Vitti's art is not bad, not at all, but it does nothing for me. Mike Del Mundo draws this Hollywood Thor variant cover for Uncanny X-Force #7, which I liked over the rest of the covers that week.

Cover for the Week of 04/20 was this nice Hellblazer #278 by Simon Bisley... while I don't care much for the thicker, rougher face he's giving Constantine these days, this cover is the perfect amalgam of magic and grit that a Hellblazer book should have. Best Book for this week was X-Factor #219, just like the month before, Peter David and Emanuela Lupacchino headline a creative team that weave a series where a lot is happening all the time, yet you don't feel lost; and there's a good balance of action and character development/interaction. Worst Book of the Week is Avengers #12... just can't find what's good about this story arc. It's not that Bendis' writing being decompressed; one should expect that from him, but it's just not enjoyable this time around. And Romita's art is weak, uninspired, taking the blockiness and thick lines that are part of his trademark to an extreme where it's unappealing. Best Book of the week of 04/27 was Star Wars: Legacy - War #5, the end of the miniseries. Again, a bit rushed, but it was still very enjoyable, and it leaves you wanting more of this Star Wars era. Worst book this week was Justice Society of America #50. Too much of a jumble of new characters (both new to the book and new in general) that haven't gotten enough time, making you feel as if a couple of dozen pages of story between the last couple of issues and this one has been edited out. Cover for the week is from Warlord Of Mars #6, again by Joe Jusko. He paints a beautiful and alluring, yet obviously exotic woman.

And now, the dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"SCIENCE IN ACTION."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 900.

CULPRIT: Paul Cornell (writer).

DISSECTION: This might look like one of the minor mistakes I might have to keep out of the new column format... but calling "nanobots" "nanobytes" is something that I can't condone.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CLASSIFIED."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 327.

CULPRIT: David Michelinie (writer).

DISSECTION: From my Vault, and 1989 comes an issue from the Acts Of Vengeance crossover... Magneto lands in Central Park, and a New Yorker mocks him with a "Halloween ain't for two weeks!". Well, I might concede that back then, Magneto wasn't as well known to the general public as he is now... but how many times has New York been invaded by supervillains? And you're gonna mock some guy in costume? He flies and wears a suit of armor, actually, and you mock him?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FLASH SURPRISE."

TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Barry Allen, the fastest man alive, the man who's lived in the future, fought mythological gods and space aliens, met his comic book hero after who he called himself the Flash, and has more than likely seen a lot of things, including parallel world versions of himself... finds it strange to meet a future or parallel version of himself?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Please!
<-------------------------------->
"CLASSIFIED."

TITLE: JLA Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Kilian Plunkett (artist).

DISSECTION: From 2006 comes this DT!, check it out:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Seeing that I had to fish in the Vault, and what I have filed for May, and for the two weeks of June already gone by, I'm going to have to do one more change to the column: it's going to be monthly now. I hope you'll still enjoy it, and I'm certain I'll be able to keep up. This column's average was 7 Bazzars in four dissections. Four! Yeah, monthly is the way to go.

Now, the Moments for each week... From 04/06, Vader shows us his dance moves:


Well, he's actually jumping off of a landed shuttle, but it's not the best depiction of that kind of movement. Next, from the best book of the week, Magneto saves San Francisco:


I know it looks like he's actually attacking it, but trust me, he's saving people. From 04/13, only one moment... the true purpose of the Colossus of Rhodes:


Fighting giant robots and monsters! Now, speaking of giant robots, and from 04/20, Darkwing Duck knows how to fight them too:


Of course, you fence with them using petrified spies! And for the end of this column, three moments from 04/27. First, who's back in the DCU?


John Constantine. You don't wanna be his friend, trust me. Then, both Booster and Beetle set Max Lord and his OMAC straight:


Give 'em hell, boys! And last, how do you make the Planet of the Apes?


You give the apes some zeppelins! Yeah! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

PS: You can still get in your votes for the Autopsy Awards.

The Dissector #197.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

03-02 "Will he live and junk?" King Shark, worried about one of his teammates' health, Secret Six V3 #31.

03-09 "Just one person to call you their peer is enough of a verdict, if it's the right person." Hawkeye, after being complimented by Captain America, Hawkeye: Blindspot #2.

03-16 "We need liquor, drugs, a yard of sheet latex, and a case each of penicillin and lube. Give me three minutes." Wendell's preparations for a trip to Las Vegas, Bad Dog #4.

03-23 "Dear God... or other similar Judeo-Christian messianic figure... or the Ancient Ones... or some weird evolutionary something-or-other... or some random confluence of events that resulted in the perfect conditions for life to flourish on this once-barren, desolate hunk of rock... we thank you for... Oh, right... or Mephisto, the Devil, or some other evil incarnate being... we thank you for this wonderful dinner. " Alex Power's eclectic grace at a Future Foundation dinner, FF #1.

03-30 "... beware MY freakin' power--GUY GARDNER'S MIGHT!" Guy Gardner, Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #8.

Long I have been gone, but here I am again. The same way DC is doing some spring cleaning, so am I (even though it's almost winter where I live). There will be some changes, some streamlining in this column, and you can read about them here. Bottom line? Well, I won't sweat it over accented letters, eye colors, or minor/routine mistakes. And trust me, I saw a few wrong eye colors in the comics I read yesterday and today, and it's hard not to make a note of it as I used to do for the column. And I deleted all the stuff in my notes for future columns that would usually go in The Rundown. It's hard, but I have to take steps to make sure this column is leaner, more dynamic, and most important of all, not behind schedule. That's why this is a column for the whole month of March, and there will be subsequent columns for April and May, and whatever else I need to do to get back on a semi-weekly schedule.

With all that out of the way, last column's (months ago) DT! was cracked by... nobody. Darryn noticed that the Starro on Rughal is on his coat, and not his actual neck, and that'd be something worth noting (and he gets badge)... but that wasn't it. The problem is that they are referring to "telemetry", when it's just a picture or video feed. They wanted to use a fancy word. Let's get on with The Dissector's Picks for each week. Week of 03/02 has X-Factor #216 as Best Book, as usual, it is a great job by Peter David, Emanuela Lupacchino, and the rest of the team, and its cover by David Yardin and Sonia Oback is the cover for that week. Worst Book was for Batman Confidential #54. Boring storyline, poorly told.

Cover of the Week for 03/09 is Joe Jusko's beautiful piece for Warlord Of Mars: Dejah Thoris #1. Sure, other (this book has like six variant covers per issue) may draw a curvier, juicier Dejah Thoris, but Jusko's just screams "Edgar Rice Burroughs' book cover". Best Book for that week is the Legion of Super-Villains one-shot by Paul Levitz and Francis Portela, just great LSH... well, LSV fun. Worst Book that week is JSA All-Stars #16. Poor plot, blocky art... why am I reading this? Best Book Of The Week for 03/16 is The Amazing Spider-Man #656; as Dan Slott shows over and over why he gets Spider-Man so much; his personality, motivation, and modus operandi. This is Spider-Man beating villains with his mind and not just his powers, and Marcos Martin's Silver Age-feeling art style is a cherry on top. Worst Book this week is T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents #5. This book is going nowhere, and this was the last issue I read, I believe. A pity, because other things I've read by Nick Spencer was good, and while Cafu's art is not my particular choice, it's solid. The Cover for this week is Alex Ross's cover for The Lone Ranger & Zorro: The Death of Zorro #1. Just works as a movie poster of sorts.

Cover Of The Week for 03/23 is from Captain America Comics #1: 70th Anniversary Special, a recreation by Brian Ching and Michael Atiyeh of the classic 1941 cover of Cap's first appearance. Best Book for this week is Osborn #4; Kelly Sue DeConnick's tale of Osborn's ploys is entrancing, and more so with Emma Ríos' beautifully crafted art, not to mention Jose Villarrubia's colors. Worst Book of the week is Batman, Incorporated #4... Morrison's assassination of the Spanish language and Latin cliches is made even worse by his insistence on Silver Age and Golden Age stuff that makes Batman sillier than it should be, such as Batman dancing "EL TANGO DEL MUERTE" with Bat-Woman (Kathy Kane) on a rooftop. I like Silver/Golden Age references, and Silver or Golden Age-influenced art... but continuously bringing back stuff that should have stayed there is not good for books like this one. Best Book Of The Week for 03/30 is Star Wars: Legacy - War #4. As rushed as this conclusion to the Legacy series feels, John Ostrander and Jan Duursema tell a fun, dynamic Star Wars tale. Worst Book Of The Week is Avengers #11. Bendis milks a tired story for a couple of issues too long, and Romita's art is a poor ghost of what the man can actually accomplish. Seriously, it's BAD. Cover for this week is Steve Epting's variant for Captain America #616. This is a good example of retro.

Here's The Rundown, for the last time, and only because I had already finished it when I decided the column's new format:

Adventure Comics V1 (Bouncing Boy's hair should be black, and his eyes blue), Age Of X: Universe (accented letter), The Amazing Spider-Man (JJJ's eyes should be blue), Avengers: The Children's Crusade - Young Avengers (Hulkling's hair is colored incorrectly), The Avengers V4 (inconsistent credit lettering, Dr. Strange looks like Tony Stark, Loki is not Thor's half-brother), Avengers Academy (Hazmat's eye colors change colors, accented letter), Batman: Streets Of Gotham (Batman's belt is wrong, Jay Garrick looks old when the JSA is supposed to be a new team, and the timeline still doesn't jive; there's no way the JSA could have started when Bruce Wayne's parents were young), Batman: The Dark Knight (Penguin looks wrong), Batman Confidential (a quotation mark in the wrong place), Batman, Inc. (the Malvinas/Falklands coordinates are missing a part, and they're too down south; the map doesn't look right, horrible Spanish galore), Birds Of Prey V3 (Dove's powers are incomplete, a bat-family line-up has everyone labeled, but not Batgirl, Dick's bat-emblem is wrong), Black Panther: The Man Without Fear (accented letters), Brightest Day (Ray Palmer's eyes are colored incorrectly, Ronnie Raymond's hair is colored incorrectly, and he also refers to a "battlezone" as a "battleship"), Captain America: Hail Hydra (Wakanda looks nothing like it should, accented letter not only is smaller, but the accent is the wrong type), Captain America And Batroc (French inside translation brackets, Bucky-Cap's gun and boots are wrong), Captain America And The Falcon (Bucky-Cap's gun is wrong, and the gang the guy Falcon is look for changes name after a few pages), Comic Book Comics (couple of misspelled words), Cyclops V2 (wrong costume, cedille), Doom Patrol V5 (Rita's eyes should be brown, not green), Fear Itself: Book Of The Skull (using a teleporter to avoid a boobytrap which wasn't really one, Bucky and Namor get their eyes colored wrong, Namor's ankle wings are drawn gigantic), Generation Hope (Xavier and Logan get their eyes colored incorrectly), Giant-Size Atom (Atom's eyes are wrongly colored), Green Lantern V4 (badges, a female guardian when Krona is expelled), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (badges), Green Lantern Corps (badges and costumes), Heroes For Hire V3 (Misty Knight shouldn't have blue eyes), The Intrepids (misspelled word), The Invincible Iron Man V2 (accented letter, Tony Stark referred to as "Matt" (Fraction) in letters page), Justice League: Generation Lost (Batman's belt is wrong, a bystander changes appearance between pages), The Lone Ranger & Zorro: The Death Of Zorro (accented letter), The New Avengers V2 (Sabretooth, Namora, and Nick Fury get wrong eye color, inconsistent credit lettering, and the "previously" mentions H.A.M.M.E.R. as still operating, although illegal, when it's just former members of it), New Mutants V3 (accented letters, Psylocke wrong eye color), Onslaught Unleashed (horrible Spanish and accented letters), Osborn (Osborn eye color), Power Girl V2 (word missing in letters page), Power Man And Iron Fist ("dell'morte"), Red Robin (accented letters and Ñ), Supergirl V5 (character heights), Superman/Batman (Batman has claws in his gloves?), Superman V1 (a comma inside quotation marks), The Traveler (accented letters), Thunderbolts (Doc Strange's moustache is wrong), Ultimate Avengers Vs. Ultimates (wrong Spanish and accented letters), Uncanny X-Men (Namor has huge ankle wings, Colossus has some strange markings on his steel skin, Namor's eyes should be grey, not blue), Warlord Of Mars (the writer keeps calling Captain John Carter "Jack", not only as a nickname, but as his full name), X-Factor V3 (JJJ moustache is wrong, Wolfsbane eyes change color, accented letter), X-Men V3 (Emma Frost is obviously "diamonded up", but reverts to normal color for a panel), X-Men Legacy (accented letters).

<-------------------------------->
"VIVE LA RESISTANCE!"

TITLE: Captain America And The First Thirteen (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot/

CULPRIT: Ramon Perez (penciller).

DISSECTION: Why the flying fuck are resistance fighters in Nazi-occupied France during WWII WEARING MILITARY UNIFORMS? No, they're not wearing Nazi uniforms to blend in, but what seem to be military uniforms of their own, while they sneak around spying on Nazis. Not even combat fatigues, but battle dress uniforms suitable to support troops in administrative duties, coomplete with nice green sweaters AND NEAT LITTLE NECKTIES!!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Stealthy, yeah. Ever heard of a guerrilla movement, Mr. Perez?
<-------------------------------->
"LEGACY OF TIME/"

TITLE: DC Universe Legacies (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Len Wein (writer), Scot Kolins (artist).

DISSECTION: This book has got to be the continuity fuck-up of recent times. The character who tells the story was a kid in the 30s when JSA members first start appearing, then is a young police detective when Superman first appears, and during Infinite Crisis he barely looks fifty (and a good, very handsome and young-looking fifty); while his brother-in-law and childhood friend looks like a 20-year old. In fact, if you didn't know who he is, you'd think his friend is Jimmy Olsen.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MINOR STUFF."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 196.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Captain Donald313 of the HDSC let me know I wrote "an character" instead of "a character". Yes, I will continue to feature my own minor errors as a matter of intellectual honesty.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NO DISSECTION SHALL ESCAPE OUR SIGHT!"

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 64.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: The DT! for this column:

Hint: you must be following current Green Lantern books in order to get this... but you might get it by accident if you haven't read GL in ages.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. It might be explained away, but I still kept it.
<-------------------------------->
"SUPERBOY TWO-IN-ONE."

TITLE: Superboy V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Jeff Lemire (writer).

DISSECTION: In a single page, Lemire manages to have Superboy call Beast Boy "Garth" (Aqualad/Tempest's name) instead of "Gar" (as Beast Boy's name is Garfield), and Pete Ross mention "Steve Danton" instead of "Steve Dayton".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for Garth/Gar, and 4 for Danton/Dayton.
<-------------------------------->
"STARK LIES."

TITLE: Venom V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Rick Remender (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm enjoying this book, but Remender needs a refresher on Marvel Universe tenets: there's no way UN peacekeeping troops will have Stark power armor, not after all the efforts Tony made to get all his armor tech out of other hands.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
And that, more or less, is what future columns will look like. I'm not even going to pad out columns with stuff from The Vault, except for very special situations; such as when I don't find a good DT!, or there's absolutely nothing really worth mentioning. In fact, I'm going to the vault after I finish this column to delete everything that's an accent, eye color, or other stuff that no longer passes muster for columns. This column's average was 6.3 Bazzars in one hundred and thirty-six dissections. Last time you'll see that amount of dissections.

Now, let's get with each week's Moments, shall we? Only one for 03/02, and it's Quackerjack at his most human, err, duck:

Sad ending. Then, from 03/09, we've got two. First, Alan Moore's childhood:

Hehe... Van Lente and Dunlavey crack me up. And what's the smart thing for Captain Action to do when he's recovered a magical orb from some Nazis, and he's confronted by the Yeti?

Why, have the Yeti swallow the magical orb! GREAT IDEA!!! Next up, from 03/16, three Moments. When you're a werewolf, you have to be badass:

... or at least look like it for a few moments. Now, again from Darkwing Duck, I need this:

... and not just because it's a jetpack. Remember what I was saying at the start of the column about Dan Slott making Spidey act smart? Well:

That's what I like! Now, one from 03/23, Brainiac 5 shows his love for his fellow Legionnaires:

In his own way, of course. And to end this column, two from 03/30. First, Alan's Scott costume was kind of outdated, so he came up with a new one:

IT'S HORRIBLE!!! HE'S WEARING A FREAKING LANTERN COSTUME!!! LITERALLY!!! THE HANDLE STICKS OUT FROM BEHIND HIS HEAD!!! Good lord. And now an emotional moment from Amazing Spider-Man:

My eyes welled-up. Oh, yeah... while I play catch-up, you can still vote on the Autopsy Awards.

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Time For A Change.

Obviously, I've fallen behind. That's not to say I've forgotten about this column, not at all. But working on my own comics has kept me from this, as well stuff at my day job has gotten in the way.

I briefly considered ending the column, I won't lie. But it was a thought that was banished as soon as it crossed my mind. However, as I did when I started referencing some minor dissections in the last part of one entry for the same book; or when I started The Rundown to directly stop doing full entries for some books, a change is in order.

I need this change in order to make this column faster to produce (not write, but produce). And what change is this? Well, I won't be cataloguing wrong eye colors, smaller accented letters, slight costuming mistakes, etc. I even won't be paying attention (and it'll be hard, trust me) to any non-English mistakes but the most glaring ones.

From now on, I will only take note of horrible writing mistakes (such as 10th Century norsemen referring to proteins) or art fuck ups (like the Cristo of Corcovado in São Paulo). Really annoying eye change colors, like one character having four different eye colors in one issue might creep in too. Oh, and my own mistakes as well. My HDSC loyal members, only report big stuff now, I'm counting on you.

And I'll keep the quote, DT, moments, cover, and picks sections too. So the column will pretty much be the same, but with only the "good stuff" in it. Thank you for your attention.

The Dissector