The Dissector #105.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

I. Am. The. New. God. All is one in Darkseid. This mighty body is my church. When I command your surrender, I speak with three billion voices... When I make a fist to crush your resistance. IT IS WITH THREE BILLION HANDS! When I stare into your eyes and shatter your dreams. And break your heart. IT IS WITH SIX BILLION EYES! NOTHING LIKE DARKSEID HAS EVER COME AMONG YOU: NOTHING WILL AGAIN. I WILL TAKE YOU TO A HELL WITHOUT EXIT OR END. AND THERE I WILL MURDER YOUR SOULS! AND MAKE YOU CRAWL AND BEG! AND DIE! DIE! DIE FOR DARKSEID!" Darkseid and his choir of thralls, Final Crisis #5

That is one kick-ass evil invasion speech, given by one of the masters of evil invasions... Here we are with the second week of December, 12/10, and since I was too quick to post this column after the last one, nobody caught the DT! from #103, although the Guvnor should gave it a shot. The problem with that panel was that Agent Coulson, played in the Iron Man movie by Clark Gregg, was not blonde, but brown haired. Man, I'm not very fond of Gwyneth Paltrow (she don't do much for me usually); but I sure can't help but looking at her as Pepper Potts and thinking "Man, I would dunk my pepper in her pot anytime..." Uhm, sorry...

Move along, move along.... let's get to The Dissector's Picks Of The Week; Best Book Of The Week was once more Amazing Spider-Man, issue #580. Once again, we get a thinking Peter Parker, who doesn't just punch his way through problems. Worst Book Of The Week was Astonishing X-Men: Ghost Boxes #2; whereas the first one had cool Victorian X-Men, this one has... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.... sorry, I fell asleep. Are we done? Are we ready for the dissections now? Yeah, cool.
<-------------------------------->
"GHOST WORDS."

TITLE: Astonishing X-Men: Ghost Boxes (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Warren Ellis (writer) and/or Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: I think I was saying something about this book before, but I can't remember... ah, well... Dissection here is that a narration box from Armor says "I wouldn't be around to see..." when it's actually meant to be "I wouldn't want to be around to see..."

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OOOH... LET'S MENTION CURRENT EVENTS AND BE TRENDY LIKE BENDIS!"

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Andrew Kreisberg (writer).

DISSECTION: Now, this is a story that takes place during the early years of the Batman's career; the Joker has just been "discovered", and we get a lot of other signs that squarely places this tale in the beginning of Bruce's time as Batman. Why, then, do we get references to events that happened recently, like the trial of Saddam Hussein?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"A MEXICAN MAGNETO. THE BAND? NO, PLEASE NO!"

TITLE: Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 07.

CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer).

DISSECTION: This book getting a bit better, but there's too much going on and two slowly! On one page, Imán, a Mexican superhero, speaks in Spanish, saying "... mi armadura esta inútil... pesa un tonel... ¿Que hariá Superman?"; which is quite wrong... "my armor is useless" would be "mi armadura es inútil" or "mi armadura está inutilizada", "it weights a ton" would be "pesa una tonelada"; while “What would Superman do?” would be “¿Que haría Superman?”

Not to mention several problems with tilde sizes, which go to the letterer (Travis Lanham), and two words spelled incorrectly by Morrison (“esta” and “hariá” should be “está” and “haría”), of course.

Thanks to Gary Greenwood at The Annotated Final Crisis, and originally to Douglas Wolk at Final Crisis Annotations, for identifying Imán for me. Check out both of their blogs, they're very useful in following this storyline... also, thanks to Gary for spotting a switcheroo of speech bubbles in this issue, he gets a badge and an induction as Ensign into the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ARROWS OF DISSECTION."

TITLE: Green Arrow/Black Canary (DC).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: David Baron (colorist).

DISSECTION: See if you can hit a bullseye with this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TWO-EYES."

TITLE: Nightwing (DC).

ISSUE: 151.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Two-Face's eye, at least on the unscarred of his face, should be blue, instead of brown/red.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MUCHO BUENO!"

TITLE: Secret Six V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).

DISSECTION: Gail, I know you mean well, but please check with a native speaker before using Spanish dialogues! E-mail me, I'll do it for free and with gusto!!! In this issue, Tarantula says "el juego del gato", apparently meaning "the cat suit", talking about Catman... but "el juego del gato" is "the game of cat" or "the cat game", not "the cat get up" or something like that, which is what Simone apparently tried to say.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. I have seen no indication that Tarantula, despite having a Spanish name (Catalina Flores), speaks Spanish well.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT'S NOT NAMOR!!!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Dark Reign (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: Why, pray do tell, is Namor written like a blundering idiot who almost stutters and can't show a shred of dignity when talking to Loki, Emma Frost or others?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TOLDJA, IT AIN'T HIM!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Dark Reign (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Alex Maalev (artist).

DISSECTION: KILL ALEX MAALEV!!!! KILL HIM!!! Well, maybe that's too much, but why can't he draw a character the way it's supposed to be? Not only his Namor looks nothing like should (see the Moments Of The Week, although I can't consider it a dissection), but he looks nothing like he looked in the end of Secret Invasion: he has a different hairdo, a different hair length, and beard stubble...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Norman Osborn lost his tie; you can't be President of the USA without a tie!!! Thanks to the Guvnor for noticing these details, badge for him. One more and you make Lt. Cmdr.; Guv!
<-------------------------------->
"GETTING FAMILIAR WITH THE JEDI."

TITLE: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Henry Gilroy (writer).

DISSECTION: A clone commando refers to Ahsoka Tano as "Commander Ahsoka", instead of "Commander Tano".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YEAH, I LEFT SOME BIDNEZ THERE."

TITLE: Superman & Batman Vs. Vampires & Werewolves (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).

DISSECTION: Green Arrow says he's got to return to Seattle... but he hasn't been based there in a long time...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OOOOH! SOMEONE WITH POWERS!!!"

TITLE: Wolverine: Flies To A Spider (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Gregg Hurwitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Wolverine attacks some gangbangers, and one of them phones his boss to say that "... the dude has like, these swords attached to his hands or something. (...) I know it sounds crazy, but this guy's like something outta a comic book." Really? In the Marvel Universe? Where superheroes run around everywhere, and Wolverine was a member of a very public team of Avengers, not to mention all his time on the X-Men? PUH-LEASE!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"A GRAVE MATTER."

TITLE: X-Men/Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Mario Alberti (artist).

DISSECTION: Kraven's grave reads "Kravinov", when it actually should read (as it's been shown before) "Kravinoff".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, someone tell Alberti that Wolverine's eyes are blue, not brown.
<-------------------------------->
That brings us to an average of 6.3 Bazzars on seventeen dissections; less than I expected. Huh, well... here are the Moments Of The Week. First up, on what would have been a WTF moment back in the day:



I told you! That's not Namor, he was busy so he sent Jean Reno!!! Also, Jean Reno did not read his script, so he doesn't know how Namor's supposed to behave, or who he's met or not:



Of course, he smells like croissant!!! And for the finale, Boosters keeps his sister from changing history... with a little help of Skeets:


It cracks me up, those little robot arms stealing the sketch! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #104.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"You saying I got a little white in me? Yeah, I got a little white in me! My teeth, my eyes, and my fuckin' cum!!!" Sgt. Jamal Stuart, Haunted Tank #1.

December's first week, 12/03 is here; and for starters, let me tell you that the Guvnor cracked the DT!, thus earning another badge. The problem with that Odin picture was that Odin clearly has both eyes; and he had not regained his lost eye it yet in Marvel continuity.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are next; Best Book Of The Week was Amazing Spider-Man #579. Mark Waid provides a good Spider-Man tale, and reminds us again that Peter Parker is practically a genius... Spidey can THINK. Worst Book Of The Week was Wolverine Annual #2; standard "Wolverine travels alone, finds monster, defeats, tries to teach moral". Yawn. Dissections, please!
<-------------------------------->
"EL DIAVLO!"

TITLE: El Diablo V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Jai Nitz (writer).

DISSECTION: While letterer Sal Cipriano correctly makes the Ñ the same size as the rest of the letters; Jai Nitz uses the word "quinceñera" instead of "quinceañera" (literally "fifteen year old girl"; as in "sweet fifteen"; since Hispanics celebrate that for girls instead of "sweet sixteen").

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"GUARDIANES DE LA GALAXIA! CON: MARTINEZ, PEREZ, ALVAREZ Y BORGES!"

TITLE: Guardianes De La Galaxia (Forum/Marvel, translating Guardians Of The Galaxy V1).

ISSUE: 09 and 12 (same numbering as in US edition).

CULPRIT: Xavi Marturet (translator).

DISSECTION: With not enough dissections in this week to fill the requisite minimum of ten per column; I once more went to my Vault. I found some little gems I had stowed away, to show how it's not just English speaking writers who mess up other languages. One day, I'll write an article on the atrocities that are committed when translating comics to Spanish.

In this case, there are three cherries from the 1994 Guardians Spanish edition of 1991 US book that I wanted to share with my readers. First up, and just a typo, but one with funny results; Martinex is called "Martinez"; which ends up being a Spanish surname. Actually, I don't think it's a typo; I think the translator spellchecked his document and the spell check dictionary, in Spanish, replaced Martinex with Martinez. I remember when my spell checker, when writing articles in Spanish, would replace "Marvel" with "Marcel"...

Next, and completely out of the blue, Martinex is called "Frank"... WHAT??!?!?! And lastly, and even more funnily, in the middle of an issue, someone refers to the "Belt asteroid" ("asteroide Belt" in Spanish); making it obvious that the translator didn't know what an asteroid belt was. The funniest thing is, that when I went to Google what was Xavi Marturet up to know (his actual name is Javier Marturet); he had blogged about a Final Fantasy fan music video with an Evanescence song. He translated the lyrics to the song himself, and posted them along with the video, because (according to himself) "you don't wanna know the stinkers that pass for translations on the internet, they're horrible". The lyrics translation looks okay, but I hope he's learned what an asteroid belt was in these past 15 years.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, for "asteroide Belt", lesser scores for the other two. I usually give wrong uses of the Spanish language (or other languages) in English comics 6 or 7; in this case I gave it a higher rating because those are uses of foreign languages to give certain scenes or characters a "flavor"; while what Marturet was doing was translating comics in their entirety to another language, for people to read and understand them, and he didn't even know what an "asteroid belt" was (heck, he couldn't even translate the word "belt" literally)...
<-------------------------------->
"MOVIE STAR."

TITLE: Iron Man/Hulk/Nick Fury (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Chris Sotomayor (colorist).

DISSECTION: See if you can spot this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SIGH..."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Mark Paniccia (editor) and/or Jordan D. White & Michael Horwitz (assistant editors).

DISSECTION: Morph; but this might end soon (no, not the book, unfortunately).

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, MARJARIE?!?! HUH??!?!!"

TITLE: NYX: No Way Home (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Marjorie Liu (writer).

DISSECTION: It's CECILIA Reyes, not "CECELIA"!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ORIGINAL -1."

TITLE: Secret Invasion (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08 of 08.

CULPRIT: Tom Brevoort (editor) and/or Jeanine Schaefer (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: The recap at the beginning says "the original avengers are united"... which is not true. Good ending for the event, though.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars; you could argue that with Captain America, even if it's not Steve Rogers, the original Avengers are there. Also, Norman Osborn is shown wearing a suit; when he was wearing some battle armor of sorts last time.
<-------------------------------->
"NOT GREEN ENOUGH."

TITLE: She-Hulk: Cosmic Collision (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Val Staples (colorist).

DISSECTION: Jennifer Walters' eyes are colored brown, when they should be green.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AFRICAN IMAGINATION."

TITLE: Vixen: Return Of The Lion (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: G. Willow Wilson (writer).

DISSECTION: Again; Vixen is said to be from the fictional nation of Zambesi. The country is M'Changa, Zambesi is the village.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
WOLVERIÑE.""

TITLE: Wolverine V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual #2.

CULPRIT: Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Petit, unlike Cipriano, does not make his Ñs the same size as the other letters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PINYIN'IN IT UP."

TITLE: Wolverine: Manifest Destiny (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Again Petit makes accented letters smaller than the rest, this time from Pinyin transliterated Mandarin Chinese.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So, that brings us to the end of another column; with a 6.7 Bazzars average on sixteen dissections. Let me get you the Moments Of The Week, and you can be on your way. First up, is DC cutting back on salaries and people have to multitask?


Looks that way. Then, this is a priceless moment from the first issue of Haunted Tank:


I saw it coming from a mile away, but it was still funny. This book was a runner-up for Book Of The Week. Last, one step closer:


OZ FOR PREZ!!! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #103.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"You have to get out of here! Your vagina is haunted!" Jon Webb, Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose #53.

Man, that is one funny quote... Welcome to the column for comics released on 11/26; last week of November (although many of the dissections are older); we still have four columns from December to go through before I launch the second ever Autopsy Awards. Some of you already read the previous ones, and even voted in the categories that were vote in; but for those of you new to the Autopsy Awards, here's how they work. There's categories that are based on the amount of dissections perpetrated by an author, for example; then there's categories where I choose nominees (best art dissection; best writing dissection; best quote of the week, etc) and then you vote; and then there's special awards I give based on... my fancy. This year, however, I won't write up a ceremony; I think once was enough, and it would take a long time to write, too.

Now, on to the column itself; nobody tried to guess the DT! for last time, so I'll come out and say it: Batman's cowl wasn't colored in his neck. Simple, yet noticeable, at least to me. Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week goes to Blue Beetle #33; just pure superhero fun. Worst Book Of The Week went to Hulk #8. Huh? I'm getting bored of this book. Now, the dissections:
<-------------------------------->
"THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE!"

TITLE: JLA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 28.

CULPRIT: Howard Chaykin (writer).

DISSECTION: The continuity of this issue, from October 2006; is all messed up. I'll let J. Caleb Mozzocco, formerly of Shotgun Reviews, and currently of his own blog "Every Day Is Like Wednesday" explain it better, from a review back in the day at Best Shots@Newsarama:

"There are times where I feel like the wild-eyed scientist predicting some unlikely cataclysm in a disaster movie whom everyone dismisses until it’s too late to do anything but run away from the special effects. That is, I feel like the only person freaking out about something that is just so damn obvious to me, yet the powers that be just don’t seem to notice the problem, let alone give a damn about it.

Case in point: The Howard Chaykin-written “Secret History, Sacred Trust” arc in JLA: Classified, and where it fits in Justice League continuity (See! You’re doing it too! Rolling your eyes, thinking I’ve lost my mind!).

There are a few easy to spot “tells” among the League’s line-up to tell where a particular story featuring them may fall on their fictional timeline—The length of Aquaman’s hair, who’s wearing the Green Lantern ring, whether Batman has an oval on his chest or not. But the tells all conflict here.

For example, this is the Big Seven, so we know we’re talking somewhere between the Justice League: A Midsummer’s Nightmare and “The Obsidian Age,” right?

But Aquaman’s wearing his post-“Obsidian Age” duds, the shark tooth necklace and water hand he sported when Rick Vietch was at the helm of his solo title. This Aquaman wasn’t on the Justice League. Maybe he came back to help out, like in JLA Classified: Cold Steel, you say. Yeah, maybe.

But how do you explain Kyle Rayner being there instead of deep in space, where he headed to after asking John Stewart to take over as the League’s GL right after “Obsidian Age.” Maybe Kyle’s just visiting earth and decided to guest star? Maybe. I suppose J’onn J’onnz, who was on a leave of absence at the time, could also be just visiting, too, huh?

Okay, well if all of that’s true—and it isn’t, because Aquaman’s in the ocean commanding sea life in this story, even though he was unable to do so during the time he wore this costume—there’s one final damning detail. Lex Luthor isn’t President of the United States in this story, the guy who came after Luthor and Pete Ross is president. You know, the guy who looks like he might be Mr. Fantastic’s dad, President Jonathan Horne. But he wasn’t president until after “Identity Crisis,” when the “Countdown to Infinite Crisis” started ramping up, when Kyle was in space, John Stewart was the League’s Lantern, Aquaman wore a shirt and the Trinity was barely speaking.

Put it all together, and this story can’t possibly have happened! Not like this! It’s impossible I tell you, impossible! Don’t look at me like that! I’m not crazy! I’m not! It’s you! You’re all crazy! You’re all crazy but me! (...)"

I had noticed that something didn't quite jive about the JLA's line-up in this storyline; and I was intending to do the research back in the day... then I noticed Caleb had already done it for me. Thanks, man!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PRISIOÑ BREAK."

TITLE: JSA Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer) and/or Ken Lopez (letterer).

DISSECTION: From the same month comes this issue of JSA: Classified, where Bane's birthplace is called "Pena Duro" instead of "Peña Duro".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HER METABOLISM MAKES HER CHANGE APPEARANCE..."

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 48.

CULPRIT: Francis Manapul (artist).

DISSECTION: Look at the image below; on the left there's Gazelle, as she was introduced in issue #37, and then on the right, as she's presented by Manapul eleven issues later:


Am I the only one who sees the difference? She had been reintroduced in issue #41; as part of the UP's Young Heroes team; and by then she was already changed; but in fact, Manapul's sketches for her as a UPYH member show her closer to her original appearance.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, on issue #41 (I was checking for this dissection) the United Planet's Young Heroes are referred to as the "UPYA". One more for Shooter or the letterer.
<-------------------------------->
"BOLT OUT OF HERE."

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Inhumans (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Guru eFX (colorist).

DISSECTION: One more time, Black Bolt's hair color is wrong.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN (NON) SOVIET RUSSIA, NAMES BELONG TO THE PEOPLE!"

TITLE: She-Hulk V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Peter David (writer).

DISSECTION: Russian supersoldiers the Winter Guard face She-Hulk and her friends; comprised classic ruskies Ursa Major, Red Guardian, Crimson Dynamo, and Darkstar (although the latter three in newer incarnations). Ursa Major's first name has always been Mikhail; and on page seventeen, he's called Mikhail; and the current Crimson Dynamo's name is given as Vadim. Yet, on pages 19 and 20, the Dynamo is called Mikhail... first by the Red Guardian, who, granted, could be making a mistake in the heat of a tense moment (even if Dynamo answers to the wrong name); but then by Ursa Major himself, in the unmistakably differently patterned speech bubbles his ursine form has.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. On a side note... apart from all the stars featured in the Winter Guard's costumes (even though the current Russian flag nor their coat of arms has stars; although the red in the costumes do come from the coat of arms)... am I the only one who's curious as to why the Red Guardian has a hammer and sickle on his belt buckle? Moreover, coat of arms apart, why does he sport such a communist codename?
<-------------------------------->
"KRYPTONIAN TECH?"

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Ethan Van Sciver (penciller).

DISSECTION: Lois Lane's chest; shown in Power Girl proportions in one panel, shrinks to almost flat in the next. Wha?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Oh, this is another book from my Vault.
<-------------------------------->
"BY ODIN'S DISSECTION!"

TITLE: Thor: Man Of War (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Clay Mann (penciller).

DISSECTION: Check Odin out, and tell me what's out of place:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO SAID WHAT?"

TITLE: The War That Time Forgot (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 12.

CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: The dialogues for the Golden Gladiator and Tomahawk are switched around on one page.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TOUCH ME, SUGAH!"

TITLE: What If? Avengers Disassembled (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Aaron Lopresti (penciller) and/or (but not likely) Chris Sotomayor (colorist).

DISSECTION: Digging into the Vault once more, here's one from January 2007. There's a couple of more dissections; one for the colorist, and one for the writer, but the one I've chosen to focus on is the following: Rogue absorbs the Scarlet Witch's powers by touching her... while still wearing her gloves...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
One more column to go; finished the month of November, so that's something. We had a 7.1 Bazzars average, on twelve dissections; pretty good... or bad, I need to decide that one of these days. Before you leave, please take a look at the Moments Of The Week. For the hors d'œuvre we have:


PAYBACK! Good one, Babs... Then, for the main course:


Ninja skills FTW!!! That's the best print advertisement I've seen in a long time. And finally, for desert, we will enjoy:


Manhattan Crunch, which was actually the second MOT, but we couldn't have cereals as a main course... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #102.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Wait. I was slidin' down a pole... into a cave.. I was wearin' shorts an' pixie boots-- and this wasn't a dirty movie...?" Alternate reality Dick Grayson, Trinity #25.

Happy New Year everybody!!! I intended to post this column before the year ended, but I couldn't... so here it is, to welcome 2009... damn, already? Hope everyone had happy holidays; and the fat man in red was good to you. This is the column for comics published on the week of 11/19. Last column's DT! was subtle, so I didn't expect anyone to notice it... I numbered issue #191 of X-Men as #192 in a past column, then noticed it when I was writing about the actual #192 issue.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow; Best Book Of The Week was Amazing Spider-Man #578. I've said it, and I'll say it again, this book is a good read. Guest writer Mark Waid provides a good superhero tale, while artist Marcos Martin, along with colorist Javier Rodriguez create a suitable retro vibe, with Martin's ditkoesque art, and Rodriguez' simple but effective colors. Worst Book Of The Week was Ambush Bug: Year None #4... come on Giffen, this book was supposed to be funny! Now, the first dissections of the year:
<-------------------------------->
"GIVE ME SOME AIR."

TITLE: Air (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: G. Willow Wilson (writer).

DISSECTION: This is a good, if strange, book... supposed to be in the vein (spiritually, if not thematically) of other Vertigo books like Y: The Last Man... pick it up, it's a good read. First issue I've had to report dissections on; in this case, with scenes set in Mexico, there are two wrong uses of the Spanish language, the most annoying one the use of the word "vamanos" instead of "vamonos" (let's go). I can accept it from an American character trying to use Hispanic lingo; but not from a Mexican character.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DC MACHINATION."

TITLE: Ambush Bug: Year None (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Jann Jones (editor) and/or Chris Conroy (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: The DC Nation column and Hot List This Week are a few weeks old.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OUTSOURCING LANTERNS."

TITLE: The Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: David Hine (writer).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan and the Phantom Stranger go to aid Orlan, Green Lantern of Space Sector... 3897?!?!?!?!? Hine, if you wanted to write Green Lantern, you should have done your homework... the Guardians divide the Galaxy into 3600 sectors...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Colorist Brian Reber gives Hal white boots... ew...
<-------------------------------->
"CHALLENGE OF THE SUPERDISSECTION."

TITLE: DC Super Friends (DC).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Heroic Age (colorist).

DISSECTION: See if you can spot it, young friend:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"IN THE FUTURE, YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER EYE COLOR YOU WANT."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America Kingdong Come Special: Magog (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Starman's eyes should be brown, not green. On another note... he makes that beard look good!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"BRING IN THE IDAHO GHOLA!"

TITLE: Moon Knight V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Mike Benson (writer).

DISSECTION: Iron Man calls Dum Dum Dugan "Duncan". Yeah...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Dum Dum Dugan refers to Maria Hill as "Director Hill"; when she's Commander Hill. She could be referred to as "Director" when she was Deputy Director in Tony Stark's absence; but Dum Dum is talking directly to Tony.
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"EL PUNISHOR!"

TITLE: The Punisher V7 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 64.

CULPRIT: Gregg Hurwitz (writer).

DISSECTION: "Buenas dias" is not right in Spanish Gregg, it's "Buenos dias"... also, your letterer has to watch out for accented letters in Spanish words: they should be the same size as the other letters, not smaller to accommodate the tilde.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"OW... I STEPPED ON A ROCK..."

TITLE: Rann/Thanagar Holy War (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 08.

CULPRIT: Ron Lim (penciller) and/or John Kalisz (colorist).

DISSECTION: With one issue to go, why would Animal Man wear his boots?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"IT'S AN ADD FROM THE 31ST CENTURY!"

TITLE: Tiny Titans (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Jann Jones (editor) and/or Simona Martore (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: Rub it in, wouldja? An add for Legion Of Super-Heroes In The 31st Century, when the book's last issue was published the week before, with the caption "Monthly!"?!?!?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"YOUNG AND UNTANNED..."

TITLE: Young X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: José Villarubia (colorist).

DISSECTION: Apart from mistakes in a Spanish name by the writer; Villarubia colors Dani Moonstar (a Native American) and Sunspot (mixed race Brazillian) as having Caucasian skin colors, exactly the same between them, and as Cyclops... To top that, he colors their eyes a very light blue, when they both have brown eyes; and a light blue for Dust, who also has brown eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Come on, coupled with artist Rafa Sandoval making Sunspot seem almost Asian, you can't even tell which characters they're supposed to be unless they tell you...
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Now, a 7.1 Bazzars average in nineteen dissections is a very good end of the year. Now, the Moments Of The Week; first up, Dan Didio takes the heat:


Heh... and then, NORMAN FOR PRESIDENT!!!


It's not coincidental that he does a V sign with both hands, a la Nixon... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!