The Dissector

The Dissector #86.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"To look into this, I'll need to create a new field of human endeavor. Give me a couple of days." Mr. Fantastic, Fantastic Four: True Story #1.

Mein Gott, this column has been on hold for a lot of time! I had to stop writing this particular issue days ago; when it was almost finished. Let's see; last column's DT! was spotted by DrSilent first at the ICS.net, but I didn't say anything on the comments at my blog, so Lucas Siegel also guessed it, and I'm giving the badge to both. DrSilent is one badge away from being a Lieutenant, quite a fast rise for someone who's only been in the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps for the last two or three columns; and let us welcome Ensign Lucas Siegel to the Corps!

Before we move in to the rest of the column, I want to point out that the book "Teenagers From The Future"; where my essay about the Legion Of Super-Heroes costumes is included, is finally available through Amazon! It's also available on Barnes & Nobles, and those stores will carry it for a couple of months or so, until it's available through Diamond Distribution's Previews catalogue for you to ask your Friendly Local Comic Book store to order it for you. A must for all Legion lovers; more info in this post.

Self promotion out of the way, I have to tell you that this is the last column for the month of July, about books released on 07/30; these next two weeks at work should be quieter, so I should be able to get closer to catching up. Best Book Of The Week was the Amazing Spider-Man Extra!; it was just fun and provided a bit more of insight into the new Spidey status quo; as if a weekly book isn't enough! Worst Book Of The Week was, without a doubt, Superman/Batman #50. This ridiculous anniversary issue introduces the horrible notion that through a device built by Jor-El, Thomas Wayne (Batman's father, for those of you not paying attention to the last seventy years of comics) visits Krypton before both superheroes were born.

The part about Jor-El being convinced about Earth's potential as his son refuge place because of Wayne's strength of character is acceptable; but what kills me is the fact that all of Wayne Enterprises success (or at least, its resurgence since it apparently was at a low point never mentioned before) comes from Thomas Wayne (who was a medical doctor) reverse-engineering Kryptonian technology. What? As we say in my country; (literally translated, but you'll understand it) "we've been surpassed by the water). Couple that with horrible writing (stuff like Superman claiming that a shard of Kryptonian crystal is his only link to his world, as if he didn't encounter at least one piece of Kryptonian garbage every two weeks), and inconsistent and sub par art (I hate extra-sized issues that have art by five different pencillers and switch them between pages of the same story; they should use them to do different tales), this is a complete waste of the paper is printed on.

Having said that, let's move onto the dissections for this particular column:
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"WONDERBRA!"

TITLE: DC Special: Cyborg (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06

CULPRIT: Mark Sable (writer).

DISSECTION: Wonder Girl is called "Wondergirl".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"PROOFREADERS, I LACK THEM."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 85.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: DrSilent noticed that I applied great writing skills when I typed "is the one from are from the".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"LIKE LIGHTNING."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3.

ISSUE: Annual #1.

CULPRIT: Dale Eaglesham (pinup penciller).

DISSECTION: Jay Garrick's costume, as usual...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"I AM SO EXSIGHTED!"

TITLE: Project Superpowers (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 05 of 07.

CULPRIT: Jim Krueger (writer) and/or Simon Bowland (letterer).

DISSECTION: The Target (that's his codename) was "sited" in Amsterdam. I don't know, if I was following him, I'd rather he'd been "sighted".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"FACE THE FACTS."

TITLE: Star Trek: Mirror Images (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: David Messina (artist).

DISSECTION: I'm enjoying this book, but what's with David Messina and not drawing people's faces?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"LUTHOR FASHION."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 50.

CULPRIT: Unidentified penciller.

DISSECTION: Well, you already know what I think about this issue... but there's a total of seven dissections in it as well. I'm going to just comment on a couple. First, Luthor (or actually a hologram of him) is wearing one armor design on one page, and a different one the next... what gives? And no, don't come with that "it's a hologram, it might be fluctuating" BS...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"HEY THERE, SPARKLY EYES."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 50.

CULPRIT: John Rauch (colorist).

DISSECTION: Batman identifies the Darkseid hologram as holding the piece Kryptonian tech that's generating the holograms, because of a "golden glow" in his eyes... but his eyes are glowing red...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"THE DRAKES."

TITLE: X-Men: Odd Men Out (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Roger Stern (writer, first story) and/or Dave Sharpe (letterer, first story).

DISSECTION: Iceman is called "Icemen" on one page.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"AAAAH.... MYSTERY!"

TITLE: X-Men: Odd Men Out (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Dave Cockrum (penciller)

DISSECTION: This one is hard, and it's mot a costume design, that's already counted separately:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"NEW MUTANTS, NEW COSTUMES?"

TITLE: X-Men: Odd Men Out (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Dave Cockrum (penciller)

DISSECTION: Dani Moonstar's costume is incorrectly portrayed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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Only fifteen dissections, and a measly average of 4.6 Bazzars. Sometimes I don't know whether I should be happy about low ratings, or sad... Moments Of The Week!!! First up, Spidey makes a joke for grown ups!:


That almost made the Quote Of The Week, but it wasn't as funny without the image. Second, trust James Kirk (mirror Kirk, that is), to find the best method to smuggle pieces for a secret device on board of the Pike helmed Enterprise:


Yes, baby, yes! He hid it in the clothes and most of the jewelry of three smoking hot Orion slave girls!!! And while Scotty assembles the device, Kirk... well, you get the picture. Next, writer Paul Cornell wrote an interesting first issue of Fantastic Four: True Story. I've never heard of him before, but Wikipedia tells me he wrote Captain Britain And MI: 13; and wrote Young Avengers Presents #4; both books I enjoyed, and he's written Doctor Who novels and audioplays; which I should check out. Anyhoo; he writes this fantastic (pardon the pun) scene for FF: True Story:


Stan Lee quality... Another scene from the same book; Willie Lumpkin's niece Billie (and current FF mail person) takes advantage of a catatonic Johnny Storm:


I wouldn't mind her doing that to me, I mean, look at her... Last, one more scene from FF: TS; Johnny Storm shows his deep understanding of classic literature:


Kevin Smith references get me every single time... That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!