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[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"Four hundred years have passed, and they're still a foul, ugly nation of drunks. Too stupid and inbred to see themselves as the narrow-minded plebs that they are." The demon Tuma'el about the English, Hellblazer Presents: Chas - The Knowledge #2.
Now, you'll forgive the somber note, but I didn't want to start this column without sending my prayers to Jim H. and his family. Jim, a former writer for ICS.net is in serious condition (formerly critical, so at least he's getting better) in the hospital, after being stabbed thirteen times by a lowlife. You can read the whole story here, but the short version is that Jim was at a club with his wife when they saw a guy get rough on a girl, so he jumped to her defense, driving the scumbag away. When they left the club some time later, he was ambushed by the guy and a friend; and while Jim could subdue the first bastard, the other one stabbed him numerous times. They're now in police custody and awaiting trial; I really hope Jim gets better.
Sorry about that bleak start, let me get on with column, but keep Jim in your prayers. I ask all Brits reading this column to forgive me, but the Quote Of The Week was just too good to pass up. Now, this is the first column for the month of July (dayamn, I'm behind!), for books from 08/06; plus a few golden oldies to fill the quota. Last column's DT! was solved by Lucas Siegel (who gets his second badge); and it was the fact that next to Dani Moonstar's image on the screen, you could see the letters "MA"; and whether you call her "Moonstar" or "Mirage", "MA" didn't fit.
What about The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? Well, Best Book Of The Week goes to Hellblazer Presents: Chas-The Knowledge #2; as it continues to give us a great story with interesting turns to Constantine's world. Worst Book Of The Week is the Hawkman Special; completely useless and boring. Now, the dissections!
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"WEST COAST!"
TITLE: Avengers West Coast (Marvel).
ISSUE: 53.
CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer) and/or Bill Oakley (letterer).
DISSECTION: One of those blasts from the past, from December, 1989, and part of the Acts Of Vengeance event. In this case, "years" is used instead of "year's".
DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"BACK WHEN STEVE WAS CAP. THE OTHER CAP."
TITLE: Captain America V1 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 342.
CULPRIT: Mark Gruenwald (writer) and/or Jack Morelli (letterer).
DISSECTION: Another golden oldie; from June, 1988; from the great saga where Cap resigns and becomes The Captain, while the future U.S.Agent, John Walker, takes over as Captain America for a while. Highly recommendable, but Gruenwald has Fer de Lance, one of the Serpent Society's thugs speak Spanish, and Diamondback answers her with some of the same language. Gruenwald and Morelli use opening exclamation marks; and they even attempt to have an "Ñ" for the word "español"... but they put the accent on the "O", which is not only wrong, but impossible for the Spanish language.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, but only because of their other efforts.
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"AND CURRENT CONFUSION."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 86.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: When I spoke of Billie Lumpkin, I said "(and current", when it should have been "(and current FF mail person)". Thanks to Snakebyte for noticing this; he just made Commander in the HDSC!
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"SONT C'EST MOTS..."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 86.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: Jordan noticed that I wrote "mot" instead of "not" in the DT!. Thanks Ensign Jordan, and welcome to the HDSC! Sully also realized, but he told me after Jordan did.
DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"IN GOOD COMPANY."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 86.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: I noticed this one myself; I omitted the company indicator from my JSA dissection.
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"BLUE JAY WAY."
TITLE: Final Crisis (DC).
ISSUE: 03 of 07.
CULPRIT: J. G. Jones (artist).
DISSECTION: Jay Garrick's costume. You know, in a couple of columns from now, I'm giving up on this one, since I'm also running out of titles for this particular dissection. Stay tuned.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"HILL STREET BLONDES."
TITLE: Invincible Iron Man V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 04.
CULPRIT: Frank D'Armata (colorist).
DISSECTION: Again, Maria Hill hair is colored incorrectly.
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"BEHOLD, THE MIGHT OF THE IMPERIAL KLINGON EMPIRE'S IMPERIAL ARMADA OF IMPERIAL SHIPS AND IMPERIAL WARRIORS!"
TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).
ISSUE: 09.
CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).
DISSECTION: "The Imperial Chinese Empire"? Really, Chris? I understand imperial Chinese empire; as an expression... but "Imperial Chinese Empire" as an official name...
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Morph, as usual... but there's light at the end of the tunnel, when in the letters page, Psylocke says that some Earth-1218 (that's ours) people insist on spelling her name "Elisabeth" instead of "Elizabeth".
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"MASS EFFECT."
TITLE: Queen & Country (Oni Press).
ISSUE: 30.
CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer) and/or John Dranski (letterer).
DISSECTION: The word "effect" is used instead of "affect". And yes, this is another golden oldie, but not as old as the others.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"WOLVERINE: DISSECTING MADE SIMPLE."
TITLE: Wolverine: Killing Made Simple (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Beth Sotelo (colorist).
DISSECTION: Quite easy.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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So, we had ten dissections, and a Bazzar average of 5.1. Regular, I'd say. Before we leave, Moments Of The Week, starting with something hideous:
Artist Javier Aranda draws the ugliest Superman I've seen in a while... Then, a hair dyed Maria Hill pwns Tony Stark:
Good one, Maria, but keep your eyes peeled for Tony's peroxide overdose jokes. Then, a couple of Moments from the latest Knights Of The Dinner Table special. First, Gordo's handicapped, in a wheelchair, but he doesn't want to miss out on the paintball Assassin action. What will he do?
Of course, a Dalek tank! Then, Johnny K. doesn't let fatherhood prevent him from doing his favorite things:
Smoking, hitting on chicks, gaming, and covering the back of his fellow Knights. Oh, and I love his son's name!
Before we go, the latest updates on Jim's health (in case you didn't follow the link). From ICS.net's editor Dominik B.: "Update III: Jim had another surgery, which went over well. He's been awake quite a bit, but he will have to stay in hospital for a while longer. And he's been talking about life in general, and, of course, comic books. In other news, Jim wanted a cheeseburger, since the hospital food apparently isn't all that. Update IV: Good news, folks, Jim might be home by Friday, will be in bed for while longer, though. So far, wants a cheeseburger since hospital food apparently isn't all that."
That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
6 comments:
"Killing Wolverine Made Simple" HA! If they wanted to go for the super-imposed effect (not affect), the needed to change the font on "Wolverine" and/or have it MUCH larger than "Made Simple"
Heh, Snakebyte messaged me, and he's right... I said this is the first column for comics released in July; and it's for comics released in August. It's a dissection for next column, of course.
And no Lucas, that's not. First of all; the error is by the colorist, not the letterer, and second, this credit page is for one of the three stories in the special. The special is called "WOLVERINE: KILLING MADE SIMPLE"... and this story is called "KILLING WOLVERINE MADE SIMPLE"... they weren't going for any effect.
Ah, ok. I didn't bother with that one-shot, so I didn't know better. Damn!
I usually post for the DT! that don't require more than the panel or page I show... that's why you need to check who I credit for the mistake.
The Guvnor got it over at ICS.net, Wolverine's eyes should be blue. Badge for him.
Comments originally posted on ICS.net, right after the column was posted:
Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: Heh, Snakebyte messaged me, and he's right... I said this is the first column for comics released in July; and it's for comics released in August. It's a dissection for next column, of course.
Nick S.: "Now, this is the first column for the month of July (dayamn, I'm behind!), for books from 08/06;"
You mean August :)
Dominik B.: Honestly, I now feel even less like reading Knights of the Dinner table.
Also, the Dissect this. I have two guesses. One's that one of the names needs a funky accent or something, the other is that nobody can open their mouth like that.
DrSilent: Hum, well, I dunno if that really counts but Hisako (Armor) is Japanese and as such has black hair and dark eyes. Here she looks like she's from Nebraska or someplace.
Nick S.: ...That's not Hisako (Armor). That's Hope (Trance).
Nick S.: ...HAHAHA It says "Killing Wolverine Made Simple", not "Wolverine: Killing Made Simple" Should that count? =P
DrSilent: Oh damn, you're right! It's been several weeks and I've already forgotten the details of the plot. Well then I have no idea. :p
What is it with Wolverine and hanging out with juvenile girl types anyway?
Dominik B.: Actually, the title of the one-shot is, in fact, "Killing Wolverine made simple"
Nick S.: So the fact that the title and indicia say "Wolverine: Killing Made Simple" makes you... what now?
Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: Nick, would you read the comment above your first post? I already said what you told me. And all of you, no, no, no, no. None of you are right. First of all; the error is credited TO THE COLORIST. Read before typing please. Second; the one-shot is called "WOLVERINE: KILLING MADE SIMPLE", and the first story of the three (the one where this page is from is called "KILLING WOLVERINE MADE SIMPLE". Keep trying, please.
And Wolverine hangs out with younger Asian-looking chicks because he's a fetishist and a pedo.
Mato: Could it be that the girl's eyes are brown in the first "panel" and almost green afterwards?
Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: Oh, hey Mato. I didn't notice that, but no, the dissection only relates to the page shown.
Paul C: Dissect This! - Either the girl's hair clip changes from purple-ish to fully silver. Or Wolverine's eyes are coloured brown when his bio at Marvel.com states that they are blue. I'm betting on the latter.
-The Guvnor
Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: Guvnor, you got it on the second try; Wolverine's eyes should be blue. Badge for ya.
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