The Dissector #192.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Did I ever tell you the story of how I stormed the beach at Normandy? I was late by a year or so, but I stormed it solo. Then walked up a hill into a small French village. I entered a bakery and a Frenchwoman gave me a croissant. And then I left. (...) Come to think of it, I did bang her in a haystack later. Dammit, now I want a croissant." Grandpa Vork, The Guild: Vork.

Welcome to the last column of the year! Not the last column about 2010 comics (this one is for books released on 12/22), because we have the last batch of books of the year coming out today, and we'll have the Autopsy Awards next year. Let's get this one over with as quickly as possible... I'm not taking any vacations from the column, however, so I'll see you next week. Last column's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe, who correctly pointed out that Superboy's right hand should have been missing, since he lost it in the fight with Superboy Prime (and that's the way it was in the original panel in Infinite Crisis). Badge for JD!

I know this cover isn't very flashy, but Gilbert Hernández’s alternate cover for The Guild: Vork perfectly illustrates the sadness of Vork's life. Haven't seen The Guild? Go watch it, I find MMORPGs boring, but the show was still funny to me. The rest of The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #8; even with small mistakes, Paul Levitz is still a good writer (unlike other, unfortunate examples), and this time Yildiray Cinar's pencils didn't suffer as much from Daniel HDR's intrusion (when is Cinar going to pick up full pencilling of the book again?), making for a solid, if not extraordinary book... but this is one of my favorite teams, so in a week devoid of any other book that stood out, it gets best book. Worst Book Of The Week was Teen Titans: Cold Case... not horrible, but it had some subpar writing, and the art was uninspired and too cartoony for my tastes.

The Rundown: Batman: Streets Of Gotham (Bruce's chest emblem is wrong, the Penguin shouldn't have pointed ears in comics), Chaos War: Dead Avengers (wrong Spanish), DC Universe: Legacies (the fucking timeline, Batman's costume color is wrong), Green Lantern: Larfleeze Christmas Special (GL badges), Green Lantern Corps V2 (badges and masks), Justice League: Generation Lost (bad Portuguese), Justice League Of America V2 (Dick's belt and emblem, and another reference to him not being used to big cosmic battles... he fucking lead the Titans against Trigon like two thousand times...), Outsiders V4 (Katana shouldn't have blue eyes, she's Japanese... and I'm being generous on the topic of her skin color), Power Girl V2 (they don't see Max Lord in a surveillance cam, they see a random man, but they answer they don't see a man on the screen? and Dick's emblem again), Secret Avengers (inconsistent roster lettering), Star Wars: Invasion - Rescues (once more, New Jedi Order is not about Luke Skywalker's descendants, that's Legacy), Uncanny X-Men (physiognomies, again), Warlord Of Mars (am I supposed to believe that a US Civil War Captain knows about gravity and how it would affect him in Mars? there's also an incomplete sentence in the post-comic diary), X-Men V3 (Wolverine's eyes are brown, then blue; the whole Jubilee's vampirism as incurable thing is ignoring Spitfire, who's also Blade's girlfriend).
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"UNDER PRESSURE."

TITLE: Batman Incorporated (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer).

DISSECTION: Atlantean crown jewels can't, according to Bruce Wayne, withstand pressures "above 1000 atmospheres", since they were obviously crafted under water, at enormous depths... don't you mean "below 1000 atmospheres", Bruce? Considering we live at one atmosphere...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"GIGI."

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Science Police member Gigi Cusimano was Legion/SP liaison for years, plus she dated Legionnaires (at least Sun Boy, and Colossal Boy when he wasn't yet a Legionnaire), she's friends with the Legion... how could she not know Wildfire's natural state is energy?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Colossal Boy's eyes are colored correctly, then incorrectly, he shouldn't be surprised at a Durlan growing (since Cham has done it in the past, right in front of him, too), and Dawnstar's powers are still listed incompletely. Levitz is a great writer, he still has the skills, but sometimes it seems he's phoning it in...
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"CHILL."

TITLE: Teen Titans: Cold Case (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mark Sable (writer).

DISSECTION: Check this one, tell me what you see:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WHAT IF?"

TITLE: What If? Dark Reign (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Jason Henderson (writer).

DISSECTION: A reporter protests on how "we bailed on registration"... but they didn't, the whole point of Dark Reign was that registration continued under Norman Osborn's watch.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Norman's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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So, the last column of the year ends up with a 6.3 Bazzars average in thirty-six dissections. The very definition of "standard" around these parts. Now, we only have two Moments Of The Week, and they're both complaints. Batman, Inc. is a good concept, but I believe it's stupid for Bruce Wayne to reveal he's behind Batman, particularly when he a) still runs around inside a Batman costume, b) his three closest costumed associates are his children (two adoptive and one biological), c) those three sons are the exact heights and builds as the other Batman, Red Robin, and Robin and he paraded them in front of the press even if Damian hadn't been introduced to the public, and d) half of Gotham's population might suspect him of being Batman anyway. Add on top of that the fact that he's going around the world fronting Batman, Inc. and dealing with foreign governments and police departments, behaving in ways that completely throw overboard his playboy persona, and it's like he doesn't care if his cover is blown... Wait, maybe he just gave up on hiding it altogether! Of course, he has protection, so do his friends and associates... man, what a great moment to be a random employee of Wayne Enterprises!!!

But I actually wanted to focus on the "Batmen" that will be posted around the world. Obviously, Knight will be the UK's, I guess Gaucho (appearing in next issue) will be Argentina's (and by extension, Uruguay's, since we probably don't merit Bruce's attention)... but I thought we had more than enough with two actual Batmen... Then why is Night Runner (France) wearing this after being recruited?


Ah, well, it's only a Bat emblem, and one that's radically different from the Batmen's... in fact, he's not even wearing Bat-ears, or spiked gloves. Well, at least Night Runner isn't...


... that's Batman Japan. I don't know if it's actually "Batman Japan" or "Batman" Japan; but that's the guy who'll work for Bruce in Japan. He's the former Mr. Unknown; more precisely his stand-in, since the original Mr. Unknown was too old for any combat or acrobatics and just did the detective work. A Batman Beyond approach for a city that already looks a lot like the future. But now, after Mr. Unknown's death, he's been recruited as the Japan representative of Batman, Inc.... WHICH APPARENTLY MEANS HE HAS TO WEAR A FUCKING BATMAN COSTUME AND ACTUALLY CALL HIMSELF BATMAN!!!! NO!!! NO!!!!! NOOOOO!!! MORRISON YOU LAZY MOTHERFUCKER!!! DESIGN HIM A FUCKING NEW IDENTITY, BAT-INSPIRED IF YOU WANT, BUT DON'T MAKE HIM AN ACTUAL BATMAN!!!!

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

PS: Oh, and happy New Year to everyone!

The Dissector #191.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I wear pants because it's the law." Atomic Robo, Atomic Robo & The Deadly Art Of Science #2.

Second-to-last column of the year? Maybe! This is for books released on 12/15, and I might be able to finish the column for 12/22 books in time before the end of the year, but there's no way I can read all 12/29 books in time, much less write that column... but it should be out by the end of next week, and after that I'll post the Autopsy Award nominations. Speaking of Autopsy Awards, remember you can make nominations (copy/paste from a previous column:

"As you might now (and if you don't, you can read the first, second, and third editions of the awards), some awards are selected by reader votes from several nominations I select from the year's columns; such as Best Writing Dissection, Best Art Dissection, Best Quote, or Best Cover. Then there are awards that are given based solely on number of dissections, like Company With Most Dissections, Most Dissected Writer, or Single Issue With Most Dissections.

But there are also special awards, given for specific circumstances, for merit or lack of it. For example, I will probably select myself things like Breakout Book Of The Year, or Best Character Of The Year; but I will accept suggestions for awards that I might not think of myself; or even within categories used in previous years. For example, in the first awards, Cyclone (from the JSA) won an award for not having her costume depicted correctly in any of her appearances after her first one. That award has gone one to be called the "Cyclone Fashion Award To The Most Mutable Costume", and was won by Una in the second edition of the awards, and was expanded in the following edition to cover any character alteration, going to Norman Osborn's eyes, for changing contacts all the time (basically EVERY Marvel book during Secret Invasion and Dark Reign).

Then, within the same special awards, we have stuff like the "Creator That I'm Sorry I Have To Dissect Award", for people whose sheer volume of work makes it likely they slip up and I notice it, but they obviously very much care about their work, and on top of that, are nice people. Or the "Bloody Stumps With Blunt Crayolas Award", for underachievement in art; or the "Worst Character Depiction Although You Obviously Have Talent Award" for instances in which it's readily noticeable that an artist has a lot of talent, but (for example) decides to make Beast look like a humanoid goat, for example. And finally, there's the "Golden Bonesaw Award", for catastrophic underachievement, taken home in 2007 by Marvel for the many shapes of Beast, in 2008 by the Blue Beetle issue in Spanish, and in 2009 by IDW and their Zorro book for their year-long raping of the Spanish language. I will probably choose this one myself, but I welcome suggestions too."

Back to this column, last column's DT wasn't cracked. JohnnyDoe got close by saying that they have "Cerebro" and not "Cerebra", but that wasn't quite it. The X-Men's mutant locator has been called "Cerebra" for quite a while, but if Rogue wanted to refer to it, she shouldn't say "the original", because the original was "Cerebro". It's like saying "we've got the original New Coke"... Yes, it's a nuance... it's semantically correct, since they do have the first "Cerebra", but the original machine that fulfills that role is "Cerebro", and therefore, the only one that should be called "original".

Now, look at this very nice variant cover from Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #513, by Francesco Francavilla... very Kirby meets Frank Miller. Speaking of The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #513 is Best Book Of The Week. While I don't agree with characters taking over the numbering of someone else's books (like Hercules taking over Incredible Hulk, or this, with Black Panther taking over Daredevil... are these issues going to count toward Daredevil's #600 issue?), I must admit that this was a great start for this run. David Liss, who has very little in the way of comic book credits (a Phantom Reporter special for Marvel's 70th anniversary line, and this very comic), has a considerable body of work in prose fiction, mostly historical-mystery novels... but he manages to make this "set-up issue" as enjoyable as any comic book pro's "full gear" run. Yes, his villain is kind of stereotypical, but this is a superhero comic, what do you expect? Add Francesco Francavilla's pulp-style art (pencils, inks, and colors), and you get a mixture of explosive Jack Kirby action and noir Frank Miller ambience... which is what you'd expect from a book where the Black Panther takes over Daredevil's job as protector of Hell's Kitchen. Go read it. Worst Book Of The Week was Superman #706... as much as G. Willow Wilson impressed me with "Air", her Superman issues are worthless. Stilted dialogue and mischaracterization make for bad stories... Perry White completely out of touch with the internet? Doubtful. Superman saying that he's "scared by the internet"? What?!? Add mediocre art by Amilcar Pinna and oddly phosphorescent colors by Rod Reis (who usually does good work), and you get a very bad comic which gives credence to those who say that Superman comics are boring and unattractive.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (why doesn't Peter show any wounds from his fight with Hobgoblin, only seconds after, and an accented letter), Batman (Riddler's hair should be black, Enigma's eyes should be blue), Black Panther: The Man Without Fear (bad Romanian dialogue, accented letter), Brightest Day (Mera shouldn't have flipper feet), Captain America: Man Out of Time (Rick Jones was recently shown to be a hacker and anti-authority paranoid, why does he not know what an APB is?), Green Lantern/Plastic Man: Weapons Of Mass Deception (numerous costume design and other errors), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (Kilowog and Guy get incorrect badges), I Am An Avenger (inconsistent credit lettering), New Mutants Forever (ANDES! FUCKING ANDES!!!! Plus, Storm's eyes should not be white when she's not using her powers), Titans V2 (bad Italian and Portuguese), Velocity V2 ("replace" instead of "replaced"), What If? The Amazing Spider-Man: Grim Hunt (small ñ), X-Factor V3 (Shatterstar's eyes should be blue, not green).
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"THEM DRAWING MONKEYS."

TITLE: Avengers Academy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Rachel Pinnelas (assistant editor), John Denning (assistant editor), and Bill Rosemann (editor).

DISSECTION: Tom Raney pencilled this issue, but regular penciller Mike McKone gets credited for it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"DOVE ASK, DOVE TELL."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).

DISSECTION: Dove's powers are listed, but many of her powers (such as one of her more visually distinctive ones, her enhanced agility) are missing, in exchange of shit like "she is the consciousness of the superhero community", when most heroes don't even have contact with her...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"DAS FAIL."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 190.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 doesn't rest, and he points out that the plural of "Glückwunsch" is "Glückwünsche".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"RETRO DT!"

TITLE: Outsiders V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Carlo Barberi (penciller).

DISSECTION: From The Vault, this an old pet peeve of mine, old readers might remember.


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"VANISHING SENSE."

TITLE: Time Masters: Vanishing Point (DC).

ISSUE: 05 Of 6.

CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (writer).

DISSECTION: Two powerful sorcerers scour all of time to find the most powerful weapon in the universe and then decide to steal one of the first atom bombs? What? Not to mention they had a Green Lantern captive...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Hal Jordan's badge is wrong on the cover and inside, as is his ring, and he's even missing his ring altogether in one page.
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With a 6.9 Bazzars average in thirty-eight dissections, we get a "high among normal" average rating for this week. Now, Moments Of The Week... from G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero, Cobra's sophisticated torture methods:


Amazing... and look who's back in Green Lantern:


Oh, shit... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Creator sighting!

Chris Batista thanked me on Facebook for Booster Gold V2 #39 being best book of the week.

The Dissector #190.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"When I dedicated my life in service to you as Sorcerer Supreme... I remember I closed my eyes and I prayed that one day I would grow up to be a second-rate Jarvis for a second-rate pile of Avengers." Wong, New Avengers V2 #7.

Late, late, late... I know; but here we are with one of the last columns of the year (there will be possibly one more, maximum two), and one of the last before the last comics of the year are published. These, in particular, were released on 12/08. Last column's DT was cracked by Donald313, who pointed out that Aquaman is not half-human, but half-Atlantean, half-Atlantean wizard/demigod. Reader Darryn asked Dan DiDio on Facebook, and DiDio vaguely replied "roll with it". That's not really a confirmation of a retcon to pre-Crisis Aquaman (which is stupid, and makes him more of a Namor knock off); just a FB comment... in last week's issue of Brightest Day, Aquaman mentions Tom Curry as his father; but he doesn't specifically say he's his biological father... until it's explicitly mentioned in a comic, I won't consider it valid. And when it is, I'm still not retracting, because it wasn't done properly beforehand. Yeah, it's my column. Oh, Badge for Donald!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week weren't spectacularly bad or good... Best Book Of The Week was Booster Gold V2 #39; good read, nice art, but filler. Worst Book Of The Week was Stargate: Daniel Jackson #4, last issue of a mini that had very weak art, and a story that could have been told in a one-shot. And then there's the Cover Of The Week, a nice piece by Marko Djurdjevic for one of the many (unnecessary) Chaos War tie-ins.

The Rundown: B.P.R.D. V2 (series numbering), Booster Gold V2 (eye and hair colors), Chaos War: Ares ("banish this place"?), DC Universe Holiday Special 2010 (wonky phrasing in the Anthro story at one point, John Stewart couldn't have likely patrolled Baghdad, Batman is very well known and recognized as a hero and not a mysterious vigilante like its implied in the Superman story, Supes refers to all heroes as "metahumans", in the Spectre story a speech balloon is misplaced, and in the Legion story, Abnett and Lanning mention stargates, which are not in use in the current LSH continuity), Detective Comics (Dick Grayson's costume is all wrong, emblem, gloves, and belt; in the backup story, Renee's eyes are colored incorrectly), Invaders Now! (accented letter), Justice League: Generation Lost (Fire's hair is inexplicably red in a panel), Namor: The First Mutant (Namor's ankle wings are ginormous on the cover, his eyes are miscolored inside, and the logomancer is still Caucasian colored, with no comment from any character, when they keep reminding Namor, their king, that he's a half-breed), New Avengers V2 (inconsistent lettering on credits and coming attractions page, Victoria Hand's eyes are colored incorrectly, and Danielle Cage is too young and doesn't look like she should), Northlanders (accented letter, and "Commonweath"), R.E.B.E.L.S. (Soranik Natu, John Stewart, and Ganthet have blank eyes at points, John's badge is wrong on the cover, "alternativeto", "forece", Soranik and Kyle should have green boots, not white... and not a dissection, but if John is now a Honor Guard Lantern, who's 2814.2?), Red Robin ("unlimted"), Shadowland: After The Fall ("isn't the Black Panther some sort of African hero?" Come on!!! He was until very recently king of a prominent country, had a celebrity wedding, and has been an Avenger!), What If? Wolverine: Father (Daken's mother is gutted by Wolverine to extract the baby, but there's no sign of blood or anything on the woman's clothes), Widowmaker (shinobi-zu, not zue; accented letter, and what are the Supreme Soviets doing there, and talking about Siberian work camps without anyone commenting on that?).
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"DISSECTOR DISSECTED."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 189.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe pointed out that I spelled his name incorrectly as "JhonnyDoe" last week; and he also noticed I wrote "wich" instead of "which". Two badges for Johnny. Then Donald313 noticed I used "obviously" instead of "obvious", "not" instead of "note", and "reverses" instead of "reverse". Three badges more for Don, which are more than enough to make him achieve the rank of Captain in the HDSC! Glückwunschs, Kapitän!

DISSECT-O-METER: Various ratings.
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"IT'S BACK IN FASHION."

TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Really, the boomerang was popularized in the US when Barry Allen was first active as The Flash? Barry was active in the late 60s?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, why are guards in Iron Heights Penitentiary wearing full body riot armors... with no neck protection at all?
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"OHOTMU DISSECTION UPDATE."

TITLE: Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A to Z: Update (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen & Mike O'Sullivan (coordinators, according to my reader).

DISSECTION: Sidney points out three errors in this issue:

* "De tainment quadrant" in the Beetle's Armor entry.

* "as wellas"in the Marvel Apes entry.

* In Boomerang's (Fred Myers) entry, he was referred to as "Mort" once instead of Myers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars on each of the spacing issues, 6 Bazzars on the name issue.
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"PROJECT: X-MAS."

TITLE: Project Superpowers X-Mas Carol (Dynamite).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Brandon Jerwa (writer) and/or Patrick Berkenkotter (penciller).

DISSECTION: Another dissection spotted by Sidney. The spirit of the Fighting Yank is talking about members of the Supremacy that are still at large, with symbolic pictures of them behind them. However, three of them, President West, Dynamic Man, and Dynamic Woman, quit the Supremacy and joined the heroes a while ago in the second volume of Project Superpowers. Then again, continuity has never been that good in the PS books.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"OLD ANNUAL DISSECTION."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual "#1" (2007).

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: Sometimes I don't understand the numbering changes... this volume of X-Men (the one that's now X-Men Legacy, but will eventually be combined with the current X-Men when they reach a significant numbering...) had three annuals (1992, 1993, and 1994), numbered one through three... then why number this one as #1? It'd make sense if it was a different volume (as the annuals from when Uncanny was merely X-Men), but it's the same volume...

Anyway, here's a DT!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"FOREVER WAVING FLAG."

TITLE: X-Men Forever 2 (Marvel)

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Rodney Buchemi (penciller).

DISSECTION: At first I thought this was a MOT, because I thought the Uruguayan flag was among the member flags seen outside UN HQ (even though the blue is too light a shade)... but then I noticed that since the first stripe is blue; it can't be Uruguay's, which has as white for its first stripe. It might be the Greek flag, although the blue stripes should be darker too. The blue on Uruguay's flag is darker than the one on the Greek one, which in turn is a shade or two darker than the Argentinian flag; although due to the Uruguayan national football team's jersey being a light blue like the Argentinian flag has, people here insist on using a light blue shade for the flag sometimes...

Oh, sorry, that whole rant had nothing to do with the dissection... in which flags, including recognizable country ones (like Ireland, Spain or Germany) are flow in a random order by artist Buchemi, when flags outside the UN HQ are flown in English alphabetical order, north to south. Even with fictitious Marvel countries possibly there, anyone can tell it's wrong.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Angel is said to be a Chicago native, when he's from Centerport (Long Island, New York), and an accented letter is wrong.
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This leaves us with a predictably low 5.5 Bazzars average in fifty-seven dissections. Now, let's end this with the (just two) Moments Of The Week. First up, Booster tells Captain Atom how's it gonna be:


And as a finale, something that made me laugh:

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!