The Dissector #187.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Thirty-year-old rare Islay malt, and you chuck blocks of frozen water into it?" John Constantine, Hellblazer #273.

Now, this is called being up to date... of course, there's no guarantee that I'll get next column out in time; but anyway. This is the column for books released on 11/17. Last column's DT! wasn't cracked, but there wasn't enough time between columns I guess... wait, as I was getting ready to post this column, Donald313 did it. The problem was that Chameleon mentions committing treason, but he's a Russian citizen, which means he can't be charged with treason against the U.S., can he?

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week this time are: Best Book Of The Week is Hellboy: Double Feature Of Evil. If it wasn't for Corben's art (which is still spectacular), this would fit right in with the early Hellboy adventures. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy Hellboy, but it used to be lighter, even with all the horror and darkness... nowadays, it's become too embroiled in its own mythology, and I truly miss the "old days". Worst Book Of The Week was almost, almost, Superman #704; with its cheap shot story about domestic and child violence.. but at least that comic was passably written and drawn. No, this time it's Superman/Batman #78... first a story about "who would win" between the title characters, from the perspective of two kids; and then a very crappy angsty story about Power Girl (dealing with her already resolved "being from another universe" grief) and Huntress (rehashing her "boohoo my mafia family was killed by more mafia" sob story). This book is pointless, pull the plug on it already.

I don't have much to say about the Cover Of The Week except that it's from Darkwing Duck #6, it's by my fellow Uruguayan Diego Jourdan, and it's a homage to a great Batman cover of yesteryear. Not the first, but a good one.

The Rundown: The Authority: The Lost Year (Swift's ears are pointy again), The Avengers V4 (inconsistent credit lettering, Jarvis with a full head of hair and blond, Hawkeye doesn't know there's a red Hulk, inconsistent "next issue" lettering), Batman: The Return (Lucius Fox does not look like Morgan Freeman in the comics!), Brightest Day (accented letter), Ghost Projekt (weird dialogue), Green Lantern Corps V2 (several badges and other uniform errors), Hellblazer (the magic circle John left open last issue, the same one Gloria the succubus points to as open... is closed), I Am An Avenger (inconsistent credit lettering, Justice's current costume should expose his ears, an empathic link should not enable you to have a conversation or send images; only emotions), Justice League Of America V2 (Dick's bat emblem is wrong , Zatanna's eyes are colored purple instead of blue), Knights Of The Dinner Table (a dialogue that's pointing to Weird Pete is actually Gordo's), Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (two incomplete power listings, and why would Gates need help from Chameleon in adapting to high humidity environments?), Osborn ("preëminent"?), Superman/Batman (Luthor's costume on the cover is wrong, "Powergirl" instead of "Power Girl" at one point), Thunderbolts (Juggernaut's eyes are colored incorrectly).
<-------------------------------->
"ATMAN."

TITLE: Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 704.

CULPRIT: Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).

DISSECTION: Mister Sinister, new reader (or at least new poster, I don't remember him posting before) noticed that credits in this issue say "RITTEN" instead of "WRITTEN". Badge for you, Sinister, and welcome to the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Dick's chest emblem is wrong.
<-------------------------------->
"BLURRED DIALOGUES."

TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: This one bears showing:


Seems like Sal pastes the text from the script to work on the balloons and actual lettering... but in this case, he forgot to delete or hide that layer when turning in the completed pages. Once upon a time, I would have been amazed at something like this slipping by an editor, but I've been doing this column for five years now...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. The first letter of a word is missing in another dialogue; and I'm going to blame that on Sal too this time, and Iris' eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"TIGHT PANTS."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 59.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm sorry, but I won't buy that Larfleeze can steal Barry Allen's wallet... if he keeps it on his person, it's probably stored with his clothes inside his ring; because there's no space in Barry's tights (where he pats his leg after noticing Larfleeze has the wallet)...

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Hal Jordan's badge is wrong on the cover and inside.
<-------------------------------->
"FIRST ISSUE EVER... AGAIN!"

TITLE: Spider-Girl V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Stephen Wacker (senior editor), Nate Cosby (editor), Tom Brennan (associate editor), and Mike Horwitz (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: Cover for this first issue says it's the "most synapse-shattering super hero debut of the decade". Really? Can someone explain to me how that's possible? Araña has been around since 2004; and she changed costume and name months ago, jumping around other books with it since then... This is not a debut in any way... at least not a "super hero debut". It might be a "solo series debut" (which would be partially correct), but not what they say...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ESPAIDERGIR."

TITLE: Spider-Girl V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Paul Tobin (writer).

DISSECTION: Let's go over this again... Anya's original codename was "Araña"... "ARAÑA"... NOT "ARANA"!!! CAN WE FUCKING REMEMBER THAT IN HER OWN FUCKING BOOK FOR FUCK'S SAKE?!!?!!?!?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Yes, any problem with that?
<-------------------------------->
"MAIDEN OF STEEL DISSECTED."

TITLE: Supergirl V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 58.

CULPRIT: Wil Moss (assistant editor) and/or Matt Idelson (editor)

DISSECTION: Check this one out:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, there's no way Lois Lane is going to be admitted into Star Labs while wearing a scarf covering most of her face (Muslim-style). I can see Gangbuster letting her in like that, but when she meets him, she's already inside.
<-------------------------------->
"COLOR FACTOR."

TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 211.

CULPRIT: Matt Milla (colorist).

DISSECTION: It's not Jeromy Cox, but what's up with this book? First Layla's eyes are blue, then green (the right color). Then, Madrox's eyes start out brown, as they should be, then change to green, then to brown again.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
This time the average was 6.1 Bazzars in forty-three dissections... I thought it'd be a bit higher. Moments Of The Week! Modern day Justice sees his past self and is distraught by what he wore (pictured right)... oh, right, because what you wear now (pictured left) is sooo much better!!!


Then, from Green Lantern Corps and Batman, two unfortunate sound effects:


And from Tiny Titans, why the hell is Jor-El in league with Zod and his cronies?


Creepy! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #186.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. Jarvis is an Avenger. He is as much an Avenger as any of us." Steve Rogers, Avengers Assemble, The Oral History Of Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Chapter 12, The New Avengers V2 #6.

Still playing that game of "ketchup", here's the column for books released on 11/10. Last column's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe, who spotted that Bucky's Tommy gun ammo drum is in a ridiculous angle regarding the rest of the gun. Badge for you, Johnny.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week... Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art Of Science #1. Not only do we get to see "teenage" Robo having adventures with a mystery man of his universe (in what's probably the late 20s or early 30s), but we see some of his father/son dynamic with Tesla himself. You all know how much I love this book. Worst Book Of The Week was Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne #6, last issue of this poor miniseries. Not only Grant Morrison's plot makes no sense, mistaking chaotic storytelling for innovation, but they couldn't even have one artist do all the pages (much like the previous issue). On top of that, the release timing is bad, because it comes out after all the (also horrible) "Road Home" one-shots with the "Insider" crap...

Cover Of The Week is from Dungeons & Dragons #1 (by IDW); with art by Tyler Walpole and production work by someone uncredited, to make it look like an old school gaming module. Yeah, I admit it, I liked this because of a novelty issue; the actual cover art isn't that wonderful... but the effect they were looking for was achieved. Not only that, but the feel of the actual issue is that of a tabletop game (regardless of the fact that I do not like the D&D 4E rule system), and the actual module is included in the issue. It might not be the best cover art ever, or the best comic book of the week... but it certainly is the best issue gimmick of the week.

The Rundown: Avengers: The Children’s Crusade (Doom's eyes are colored incorrectly twice, inconsistent credit lettering), Batgirl V3 (Oracle's eyes should be blue, not green), Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne (Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, it should be "déjà vu" and not "dejà vu"), Birds Of Prey V3 (weird dialogue at one point), Dungeons & Dragons (the fantastic metal is "adamantine" or, more commonly in RPGs, "adamantite", not "adamanite"), G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (wrongly sized Cyrillic letters in the art), Invaders Now! (accented letters, Namor's eyes should be grey), Knights Of The Dinner Table ("Hat Of Opulent Lodging" becomes "Hat Of Opulant Loding"), New Mutants Forever (NOVA ROMA IS NOT IN THE FUCKING ANDES, CHRIS!!! YOU CREATED IT AND PLACED IT IN THE AMAZON JUNGLE!!!), R.E.B.E.L.S. (Psion computer monitor with English text), Shadowland: Daughters Of The Shadow (Misty Knight, a black woman, gets her eyes colored blue, and then green; none of those colors are correct for her eyes), Titans V2 (Batman's gloves are wrong, Ray Palmer is not blond and brown-eyed, Tattooed Man is Mark Richards, not "Richard"), X-Men Forever 2 (Genosha, even at the height of its power, could never be considered on par with the US; Lockheed's fangs shouldn't be that large).
<-------------------------------->
"BIG TIME DISSECTION."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 648.

CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).

DISSECTION: Check this one out:


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Reed Richard's eyes are colored incorrectly on the cover, Michele Gonzales' eyes and skin are wrong too, "skeletal crew" is used instead of "skeleton crew", and Captain America's boots are colored red when they should be black.
<-------------------------------->
"BEAUTIFUL WORLD."

TITLE: The Avengers Prime (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: Why would Thor refer to Jotunheim, land of his people's mortal enemies, as "that beautiful realm"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OBJECTION!"

TITLE: Captain America V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 346.

CULPRIT: Mark Gruenwald (writer).

DISSECTION: An older one to pad out the column... Louis Hamilton, aka Stonewall is playing a lawyer in a mock trial for Quicksilver, and acts like a lumbering idiot, quoting "L.A. Law" for example... but the character is actually lawyer, something the late Gruenwald didn't bother to check.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"VOLUME, VOLUME."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: Various.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I've referred to the current Captain America book as volume 1; but it's actually (technically) volume 2. I count volume numbers based on numbering; thus, books that have gone back to their previous numbering (like Captain America, Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, Superman, etc) count as "V1". In this case, the current Cap Book continues numbering from the Captain America book that picked up numbering from Tales Of Suspense (as Thor did with Journey Into Mystery, for example).

The original book was Captain America Comics, published starting in 1941 by Timely/Atlas (and then Complete Photo Story, and Marjean Magazine), running up to issue 75 (that issue and the previous one were actually cover titled Captain America's Weird Tales). In 1954, however, Atlas published issues 76 through 78 of "Captain America", continuing the previous' book numbering, and portraying the "Commie Smasher" Captain America that was later retconned into being the crazy "Steve Roger" guy. Atlas, Timely, etc, are all effectively considered Marvel, and in any case, with Captain America I'd consider volumes from other companies as I've done with characters like Blue Beetle. So, to sum up, the current Captain America series is V2, if only because of the three 50s issues.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GALACTIC CIVIL RIGHTs."

TITLE: Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (DC).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: Guy Gardner and other lanterns break into a torture (sorry, interrogation) chamber in Daxam to confront Sodam Yat's father (who's doing the interrogating), and he threatens them that he's going to submit a "GOTG-22" and "have" Guy's ring. What? The Guardians do not subject the Green Lantern Corps to complaints and overseeing by the worlds they patrol and protect; in fact, that's been a major plot point in books like L.E.G.I.O.N., R.E.B.E.L.S., Darkstars, etc, etc.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, GL badges on Kilowog and Guy Gardner are wrong, and Guy's is positioned too low on his jacket.
<-------------------------------->
This time we returned to an average within the usual parameters, 6.4 Bazzars in thirty seven dissections. Moments Of The Week! First up, a prepared nerd is a surviving nerd:


SHAZAM! Next, some D&D characters have their priorities straight:


That sounds like something out of the mouth of some players I know... Still within D&D, you've got to have cooperation from the local law:


That's helpful! And last, don't sass Tesla!


Nine crackers. Precisely nine. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #185.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"What do you mean? No more food? No more pigs and cows and other animals and vegetables of a victual nature to finish my repast? (...) How then can I demonstrate my prowess in this challenge you've set, to prove to you how much I can eat for the bounty of fourteen ninety-nine? By my word, Joe of Joe's Diner, I've barely begun to tuck in! (...) Have I failed then? Am I to be ridiculed again among you fine people as a weak slackbelly?" Volstagg The Voluminous, Warriors Three #1.

And I got another column in before the week was over! This one's for 11/03, the first week of November. Jordan cracked the DT! last column; the Wolverine clone's claws are articulated, they have knuckle joints, when they shouldn't. Badge for him. He also noticed something else that I hadn't, see more of that below.

What are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, you might be asking yourself... well, Best Book Of The Week was Iron Man Legacy #8... it's not extraordinary, but Fred Van Lente month after month shows how you can write between-the-raindrops-of-continuity tales or flashbacks without being cheesy or lame; Steve Kurth's art certainly doesn't hurt, with a healthy mix of retro and modern. Worst Book Of The Week was JSA All-Stars #12... Matthew Sturges' scripts for this book aren't very good; but what makes this book sink are Howard Porter's pencils... everybody has misshapen heads and weird expressions on their faces. The very flat colors by The Hories don't help either...

Now, how about a change in layout? The Cover Of The Week will, from now on, appear in this part of the column. Why? Well, several reasons. First, having a picture in this first part of the column makes it look better. Second, it's more in line with the Dissector Picks than with the Moments Of The Week. And third, Facebook doesn't detect any other images in the blog post after the first one, making the thumbnail for the post on each column usually end up being the DT!, which is not necessarily (that is, never) the most attractive image in the column. So, there... this is an obvious parody cover for The Boys, by Darick Robertson. Not fantastic, but pretty funny.

The Rundown: Avengers Academy (inconsistent lettering in the credits page, bullshit theories about mass conservation in Reptil's powers, accented letter), Batman Confidential (timeline in main story doesn't jive, in the backup story Martian Manhunter comments about having problems with the English language... when he's been speaking English longer than the other characters, particularly Wonder Woman; and Aquaman comments that a mere big lab is larger than the Mariana Trench... Silver Age style doesn't have to mean ridiculous), Doom Patrol V5 (Rita's eyes colored wrong), I Am An Avenger (Jarvis's eyes should be blue), JSA All-Stars (Cyclone's eyes should be green, but start out blue, then change to green in the same page, later they're blue again, and then green once more), Namor: The First Mutant (Namor's ankle wings on the cover are too large, inside his eyes are colored incorrectly, and while the Atlantean logomancer might be half-human, I doubt it, so he should be blue), Secret Six V3 (the word "undetectable" is between quotation marks, but one quotation mark ended up on the next line), Strange Tales II (the Watcher first calls the fake Watcher guy Philip, and then Tony; Toro shouldn't be blonde, and he certainly shouldn't be called "Maestro" by Iron Man), Young Allies (inconsistent credit lettering).
<-------------------------------->
"THE FUTURE IS STRANGE."

TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 520.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Saturn Girl refers to Naltor as "that strange planet where people can predict the future". That's just dumb... what about that strange moon where people are telepaths, that strange planet where people control magnetism, that strange planet where people eat anything, that strange planet where... That's, uhm... called the Legion Of Super-Heroes' setting!

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Star Boy's hair is colored incorrectly, Ultra Boy, Superman, and Supergirl's powers are incomplete (and even Superman and Supergirl are not said to have the same powers).
<-------------------------------->
"HÉRR."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 647.

CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Joe's one of my favorite letterers, and that makes this dissection worse... he letter's what's supposed to be the word "Señor" as "Senõr". Not only that, he makes the "o" smaller because of the tilde. *sigh*

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzar's for fucking up the word, 7 for the smaller letter. Then there's eye coloring mistake galore, baby goblin's ears are wrong in one story, and Vin Gonzales gets called "Gonzalez". Twice. Also, the story "You Again?" is missing the question mark in the credits page.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTION OUT OF TIME."

TITLE: Captain America: Man Out Of Time (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Jorge Molina (penciller).

DISSECTION: Yay, another re-telling of Cap's getting frozen and thawed! Yay, it changes stuff unnecessarily! *groan* While he was still in WWII, spot me this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"COVER THIS DT!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 184.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (editor).

DISSECTION: Darryn noticed that instead of putting the Cover Of The Week, I repeated the DT! image. Badge for Darryn.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DT! WITHIN A DT!"

TITLE: X-Men Forever 2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Mike Grell (penciller).

DISSECTION: Jordan also noticed that Wolverine's claws come out of his wrist instead of from in between his knuckles.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DO YOU SMELL THAT?"

TITLE: X-Men: To Serve And Protect (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: James Asmus (writer).

DISSECTION: Now, Emma Frost's diamond form has been shown to grant her a nebulous level of immunity to psychic powers... but pheromones are not psychic, so she shouldn't be able to resist Mandrill's powers. Then again, she might not have a sense of smell in her diamond form ,but I doubt it... it still gets a dissection, though with a low rating.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, an accented letter in the Batroc/Fantomex story is smaller than it should be, but then another one is the right size.
<-------------------------------->
A lower than usual rating, at 5.8 Bazzars in thirty nine dissections... Now, Moments Of The Week! First, it's bad enough to be a zombie and eat brains, getting memories from the dead...


... it's worse when you eat your mom's brain! The next Moment needs some explanation as to why I found it so funny. Some years ago, my friends and I were playing a roleplaying game where we "reality hopped", and we ended up in a dimension where Mars looked a lot like the John Carter Of Mars setting. My character was a cowboy, a Texan soldier from WWII... who happened to read pulp magazines. What did he do? He stripped down to his underwear, boots, hat, and gunbelt, and that's how he went around the world (only to discover nobody actually dressed like that there, but well...)

Now, I'm reading Secret Six, and the team (or teams) is in Skartaris... and what does Ragdoll do?


Basically the same my character did. It was very nice to see Gail Simone thinking in a similar wavelength as me. Next, there are certain things you don't do in...


Such as fucking with The Wall. And the 90s come back to bite Cable:


But Spidey ends up footing the bill... Now, how would Thor fly if he didn't have his hammer?


Why, of course... The following Moment is not so much something I found cool, funny or shocking, but more something that puzzled me, but that I couldn't actually consider a dissection. Look at this cropping from the Women Of Marvel #1 cover:


The cover has several Marvel women, including the Black Cat (you can see her white hair there) and the Enchantress... and look at that woman in the middle. Now, I know it's Medusa, for several reasons: long hair, hair that's flaring up in odd ways, etc... but do you think you could have tried a bit less to make her look like Mary Jane Watson? There's no reason (except for the fact that she's not in a story inside) why MJ couldn't have been on the same cover as the Black Cat; you gave her a fringe haircut like MJ has used (but Medusa hasn't, at least not famously)... and you give her bracelets that look like web shooters. Not to mention the fact that the Medusa story inside the book is actually a story from her past; when she's a very young teen, and not the sexy seductress that you're showing in fake Moulin Rouge lingerie on the cover of a comic that is supposed to portray your publisher's female characters in a positive, non-sex object way!!!

Of course, the cover for issue #2 will be by Greg "Porntracer" Land. What, Greg doesn't trace porn? That's right, he traces ANYTHING he can find... Next Moment; how did Harry Osborn name his new baby boy?


Stanley! After his real dad, I guess! But don't worry, Norman still has young men to influence... like Vin Gonzales:

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #184.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Why does every BBQ I have end with a dead hippie being molested?" Franky, Billy The Kid's Old Timey Oddities And The Ghastly Fiend Of London #2 (The Goon backup story).

And here we are, still playing catch up. This is the column for books released on 10/27; and another month ends with that week. Don't be surprised if I churn out another column within the week... but don't be disappointed if I don't.

Last week's DT! was cracked by Darryn, who correctly mentioned the fact that both Supergirl and Batman (Dick Grayson) are members of the current JLA line up, and it wouldn't be logical for her to not know if he was out on actual JLA business. Darryn gets a badge for that, and he also gets an apology for me not mentioning he had solved the previous one as well. In fact, I didn't even mention the DT! from #182 last column, which was that Cannonball cannot float in mid-air without his blast field showing. Darryn gets a badge for cracking that one, and he gets a second badge in apology too.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Captain America: Patriot #3, not much that I can say that I haven't said before in this column about that book. In fact, this is the third issue of the book, and each issue has been Best Book Of The Week when it came out. Karl Kesel and Mitch & Bettie Breitweiser do a top-notch job. Worst Book Of The Week was Superman #704... G. Willow Wilson can't salvage JMS's boring storyline, and much less if this is what the art by Leandro Oliveira (and Rod Reis's uncharacteristic bad coloring) looks like. DC, this is Superman, the namesake title of your most important character... don't allow this stuff to happen.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man (Harry Osborn's eyes are colored incorrectly), The Avengers V4 (inconsistent lettering, Tony Stark's eyes shouldn't be brown), Avengers And The Infinity Gauntlet (Hulk's eyes are colored incorrectly, his size is wrong and he changes sizes, Doom's eyes are wrong too), Avengers Vs. Pet Avengers (for the nth time, Lockheed doesn't have plates), Black Widow V4 ("foriegn"), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Oracle (Alfred's eyes and hair are colored incorrectly... ALFRED, FOR GOD'S SAKE... ALMOST BALD, BLACK/GRAY HAIR, BLUE EYES!!!), Captain America: Patriot (accented letters), Fantastic Four V1 ("a hour"), Shadowland: Moon Knight (accented letter), Spider-Man Vs. Vampires (vampires don't have a society? bullshit, it flies against the large vampire storyline currently running in the X-Men), Star Wars: Invasion - Rescues (again, The New Jedi Order era is not about Luke Skywalker and his descendants), Supergirl V6 (how is Saturn Girl nicknamed Emm, when her name is Imra?), Superman V1 (Lois Lane should not be an orange belt in a martial art, given her history, she should be a black belt), Teen Titans V3 ("docter"?), Thunderbolts (Juggernaut's eyes are colored wrong), Time Masters: Vanishing Point (Hal Jordan's badge both in the cover and inside the book is wrong, and his boots get colored white in a panel), Ultimate Avengers 3 ("athrax"), Ultimate Mystery (Nathaniel Essex gets referred to as "Sterns", a scene has all the speech balloons mixed up between four characters), Uncanny X-Men (Cannonball's power description is incomplete), X-Men: Curse Of The Mutants - X-Men Vs. Vampires (Rockslide is drawn much smaller than he should be).
<-------------------------------->
"TIME LIMITATIONS."

TITLE: Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Ra's Al Ghul (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Fabian Nicieza (writer).

DISSECTION: I refuse to believe that Bruce's stupid Insider armor needs twenty four hours between uses of the JLA teleporter. It's ridiculous, no matter how much I turn it around in my head. This is BATMAN, who (also stupidly) supposedly BUILT AND PROGRAMMED A SATELLITE TO SPY ON SUPERHUMANS.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
""

TITLE: DC Universe: Legacies (DC)

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Len Wein (writer).

DISSECTION: Again, there is no way the main character could have been alive while the original (Golden) Guardian was first active, and now meet his cloned version?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CREDIT, WHERE CREDIT IS DUE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 183.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: As mentioned before, I forgot to include the solution and the "solver" of the previous DT! in column #183. JohnnyDoe noticed this, and gets a badge.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FUSILLADE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 183.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 noticed the following: I wrote "Hous of M", "colored buy Jeromy Cox", "his last" (instead of "his last name"), "there a couple of" (instead of "there are").

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each, four badges more for Donald313... who now surpasses JohnnyDoe as highest ranking active member in the HDSC (below me). Both are Commanders, Don has 33 badges, and JD 32.
<-------------------------------->
"OH MY GOD! WHAT'S NEXT, SUPERPOWERED BANK ROBBERS?"

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: Really, Alan Scott is surprised and shocked that super powered terrorists exist?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FOREVER DISSECTION 2."

TITLE: X-Men Forever 2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Mike Grell (penciller).

DISSECTION: Spot this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. There are also other lettering, coloring, pencilling and writing dissections in this issue and issue #9.
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Average this time is 6.1 Bazzars in forty-eight dissections. Regular. Now, Cover Of The Week is by Sean Murphy, for Hellblazer: City Of Demons:


I'm not sold on the Pinocchio nose on John, but the book is enjoyable, and this cover is nice. Moments Of The Week! First, Captain America is not afraid to hit a woman when she deserves it:


Of course, she deserves it for being a racist and a criminal, not for being female. Now, who does Ben Grimm have dinner with when he's human-looking for a day?


Stan and Jack, of course! And how do you purge bad luck from your gaming dice?


The list of ingredients is pretty hard to get... And guess who's a father again?


Yup. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #183.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"You can see why he gives us so much pleasure. All that arcane knowledge in the hands of a self-destructive fuck-up. It makes for wonderful viewing." Nergal, about John Constantine, Hellblazer #272.

Hello all! This is the fifth anniversary column of The Dissector!!! Formerly known as The Nitpicker's Column, it was first published in issue #549 of the Comic Book Electronic Network Magazine, on 11/11/05. It's been five years in which a lot has happened to me, including a new job (not long after starting the column); my son was already a year old back then, but he's obviously grown up a lot. I'm older, my hair's greyer, and I'm fatter... I might be wiser too, but I doubt it.

Culprits in that first column were Haden Blackman (writer of a Rogue Squadron mini), Warren Elis (writer for JLA Declassified), Greg Rucka (writer, for Queen & Country), Brian Michael Bendis (writer for Hous Of M), Jeromy Cox & Guy Major (colorists, for Infinite Crisis), Phil Jimenez (artist, for Infinite Crisis), and Nick J. Napolitano (letterer, for Infinite Crisis). Jimenez and Napolitano don't come around much, and Blackman hasn't been on the column again, basically because he's mostly written Clone Wars Adventures, Jango Fett, and other Star Wars stuff from characters and eras I don't care about... however, he did write the comic for The Force Unleashed, in which, apart from considering it lame, I didn't find any errors in... and I have The Force Unleashed II in a reading pile... so... you never know.

Bendis has come back regularly, but rarely for anything too big, and Rucka has been around less, but no horrible mistakes either. Major is one of the most prolific colorists around, so he obviously pops up here and there; like anyone else who publishes that much work. Jeromy Cox, however... well, he's responsible for the Robin cape-debacle, one of my favorite dissections of all time, as early as column #2, and he's often featured in the column for getting like, not one eye color in an issue right.

Funny thing? I quote myself from that column when explaining the layout and working of the column "(...) the main responsible for the mistake is, usually the writer, sometimes the artist, and, rarely, somebody else, like a letterer or colorist (...)". Yeah, rarely the letterer or colorist... boy, was I naive of what? Read that first column, and tell me if you see some improvement on my writing. I've said on other anniversaries that I did notice a difference, but now... I really don't.

On another personal note, I just made contact with a fellow comic blogger by the name of Martin Gray, and he reviewed "Teenagers From The Future", the book about the Legion Of Super-Heroes I wrote an essay for. Not only that, he wrote the following:

"My favourite essay is Martin A Perez's Fashion from the future, or 'I swear, Computo Forced Me To Wear This'. It's written at the level of a great fanzine article - light, entertaining and insightful."

Ego boosts are good for the soul, my friends. I'd like to also invite you to "like" the Facebook page for Teenagers From The Future.

Let's get on with the actual column, shall we? This is for comics released on 10/20; as usual, with some older stuff thrown in when I read it after publishing date. Here are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was The Sixth Gun #5; a pretty interesting (if not necessarily groundbreaking) script by Cullen Bunn; good art (and lettering) by Brian Hurtt... and I'm assuming acceptable colors are by Hurtt as well, for lack of any other credit. A supernatural western adventure with magic guns? Win. Worst Book Of The Week was Soldier Zero #1... first of all, the whole "STAN LEE'S..." shtick gets tiresome, I love Stan, but he hasn't done anything worth getting excited about than play "Stan Lee" in numerous media outlets... his writing days are long away from his heyday. And if I open the book and find he's not even credited as creator or plotter, but just as "Grand Poobah", it gets even more difficult to take this seriously. Paul Cornell's writing is not close to his usual level, Javier Pina's art is not bad, but it's not enough to turn this into a book that's worth anything beyond a quick flip in the comic shop. As I tweeted after reading it: "Soldier Zero = Captain Marvel (Batson) + Blue Beetle (Reyes) + Green Lantern (Jordan) + Hulk/4 = Bland. Sorry Stan."

The Rundown: Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne (Tim Drake says he was Batman's partner longer than anyone, and I don't think that adds up, he went solo pretty early in his career, I don't think it nets him more time partnering with Batman than it does Dick Grayson), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Commissioner Gordon (accented letter), DC Universe Halloween Special 2010 (Spanish dialogue from Blue Beetle is within translation brackets, but untranslated), Hellblazer (the plural of succubus is "succubi", not "succubae"), Hulk V3 (the designation of the comets changes from one story to the other), Ides Of Blood ("pleaures" instead of "pleasures"), Justice League Of America V2 (Batman's chest emblem is wrong, and it changes a few times throughout the issue), Power Girl V2 (Batman's belt, glove and chest emblem are wrong), Shadowland: Power Man (characters "refresh browser history" to see what another one was looking at on his computer... but you don't "refresh browser history"... you refresh a page you have on your browser, or you check the browser history...), Star Trek: Captains Log: Jellico (a science officer's uniform changes color to a security/engineering uniform between pages), Supergirl V6 ("supplicants", again... dictionaries don't bite), X-Factor V3 (Wolfsbane and Rictor's eyes are colored incorrectly... buy Jeromy Cox!).
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"LET'S START WITH ME, SHALL WE?"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: #182

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I wrote "R'as" instead of "Ra's", and JohnnyDoe called me on it, getting a badge. As a Commander, JohnnyDoe is the highest active member of the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps, after myself (I might be the Grand Admiral, but I'm there on the frontlines with you, guys). High Admiral Nysie holds an honorary rank for designing my logo; and ViceAdmiral Snakebyte is not among my regular readers lately. Keep at it, JD, you need ten more badges to make Captain.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WHO ARE THOSE GUYS? WHAT IS THIS, MOSAIC?"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 53.

CULPRIT: Tyler Kirkham (penciller) and Nei Rufino (colorist)

DISSECTION: What? Bystanders on Korugar are colored like humans, some lighter, others darker, and it's not a trick of the light or anything, because in the same light as Kyle Rayner, many share his skin color. But that's not the worst thing... they're dressed, unequivocally, in Earth clothes: jackets, baseball caps, hoodies. People from Korugar have pink or red skin, and they certainly shouldn't be wearing normal Earth garments.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, double. Also, Sinestro's ring is colored like his skin in a panel (that's where all the pink ink went!).
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"FUCKING FIRES, HOW DO THEY WORK?"

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Cosmic Boy goes to the Legion Academy, and while he's reviewing the students, a fire breaks out nearby and they are the closest ones to respond. They go to the scene, and one student that has variable powers (Variable Lad), in this case uses them to become super smart and learn what the best way of putting out the fire is: using the powers of another student who can control chemical reactions (Chemical Kid), because fire is an oxidation. Uhm... and they needed a super intelligent being to figure that out?

Regardless of him being a student and not a battle-hardened Legionnaire, a guy whose powers are to control chemical reactions should think of that first, particularly in the 30th century, with the kind of education they have, plus any further education someone with chemical controlling powers should get on the subject. Controlling the oxidation should be a gut response from Chemical Kid, the same as Bataranging or punching a bank robber is Batman's!

Not to mention the fact that there's two veteran Legionnaires there (Cosmic Boy and Duplicate Girl), and a handful of other students, most of whom should have a pretty advanced science education when compared to today's teenagers or young adults. Anyone today with a barely decent education should know that a fire is a chemical reaction.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, there a couple of smaller accented letters, missing powers on Timber Wolf's description, and Gravity Kid (complete with a skin-showing costume a la Cosmic Boy at one point, but not that revealing, as he has pants) becomes super-heavy and uses "his mass" to create a firebreak (a crater, actually)... when it should be his weight. In the election "ad", Tenzil Kem's eyes are colored incorrectly. Still, despite some dissections, this book remains a great read.
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"OLD SCHOOL."

TITLE: The Nitpicker (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer without a moustache).

DISSECTION: Yup... the first column. I re-read it for this anniversary, and noticed I billed Jeromy Cox as "Jeremy". Good thing I didn't spell his last "Cocks".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"FREE DOESN'T HAVE TO MEAN CHEAP."

TITLE: Spider-Man Saga V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: One Shot.

CULPRIT: Jeff Christiansen (handbook section overseer).

DISSECTION: The credits on one of the Kraven family profiles say "Art by Barry Kitson with Phillipe Briones (inset)", but there is no inset picture in the entry. Sidney spotted this one, and he gets a badge.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"DISSECT/THIS!"

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 77.

CULPRIT: Joshua Williamson (writer).

DISSECTION: What's wrong here? You must be up with current (six months to a year) comics for this one.


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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So, an average of 6.1 Bazzars in thirty-two dissections. Cover Of The Week is Jim Lee's variant for Legion Of Super-Heroes #6:


Great "Brainy as the Thinker" cover. Simple, yet effective. Now, Moments Of The Week... first up, from an old issue of Knights Of The Dinner table, what happens when you trick players at a convention into joining a live action game of D-Day?


In the KODTverse, that... Next, curious as to why the Legion's newest "recruit" has been behaving heroically?


Uh-oh... this CAN'T backfire... Back to the present, the Insider is impressed that Oracle seems to know who he is:


YOU'RE WEARING A YELLOW UTILITY BELT! YOU HAVE A SUIT THAT GIVES YOU THE POWERS OF CLASSIC JUSTICE LEAGUE MEMBERS! YOUR GLOVES HAVE BATMAN SPIKES!!! AND SHE'S THE FOREMOST EXPERT IN INFORMATION IN THE SUPERHERO COMMUNITY!!! STOP TREATING THIS INSIDER SHIT AS MYSTERIOUS, IT'S OBVIOUS TO ALL HIS FUCKING ALLIES (AND ANYONE WHO CAN ADD 2+2) THAT THAT'S BATMAN!!!!!

*sigh* What's next? Oh, I know, the solution to all problems:


LASERS! And for the end, another KODT moment:


I don't know, I've played with some people I'm not sure what step of the evolutionary ladder they were on... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!