The Dissector #54.DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]"Dammit Cindy! I can't fight foreign invaders in a Steely Dan T-shirt!" Max Keane, The Programme #06.
Weeeeelcoooome to the last column of the year! I hope this was a good year for you all, and if it wasn't, I hope next year's better. Straight into this week's content, last column's Dissect This! was busted by Miss Kitty Fantastico, who correctlyt pointed out that Salakk's name was misspelled as "Salaak". Badge for you, MKF! This is the last week to vote for the Autopsy Awards, by the way, so if you haven't voted, check out
the nominees and e-mail your votes
here.
The Dissector's Pick Of The Week For Best Book Of The Week was The Order #06, not a particularly outstanding book, but a good read overall, and a better balance to the character origin / moving the story forward format writer Matt Fraction has been giving us until now. The art by Barry Kitson, with inks by Mark Morales and Scott Koblish, and colors by Jelena Kevic Djurdjevic and Soto, is very good, with detailed mecha and monster designs, and believable (if stylized) human figures.
The Worst Book Of The Week was Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Orions, and not because it was a bad book, but rather because it utterly misses its point. It had an entertaining, if completely unoriginal script by Scott and David Tipton, and nice art by Elena Casagrande, colored by Mirco Pierfederici. However, this books fails completely at providing any spotlight on the Orions, showing only one Orion female (and another one in a flashback), and she's not even in about three-quarters of the book! We're supposed to be learning about these alien species, not about Christopher Pike. Well then, on with the dissections!
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"O ERROR MAIS RECURRENTE DO MUNDO!"TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 21.
CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer).
DISSECTION: The first caption box has the Checkmate symbol obscuring the first part, and you can only guess that it reads "7", although it might be "17". Also, on the roll call, Fire's last name is once more spelled "Dacosta" instead of "da Costa".
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"THIS IS THE KIND OF TAN YOU GET OUTSIDE THE OZONE LAYER!"TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Superwoman-Batwoman (DC).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Kanila Tripp (colorist).
DISSECTION: On the cover, and in most of the book, Green Lantern (Kylie Rayner) is colored as if she's human, but on the Justice League's monitors (page five) she's definitely colored purple, as if alien.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"YOU KNOW, GREEN LANTERN COSTUMES ARE LIKE THAT..."TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Superwoman-Batwoman (DC).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Kalman Andrasofzsky (penciller pages 1-13, 15-17).
DISSECTION: Not only is Green Lantern's skin colored differently, her costume is not the same in the monitor as in the rest of the issue. And no, it's not because it's a separate penciller, because Andrasofszky also pencils page ten, and her costume is different there.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"JUST CALL ME AUNTIE GOODNESS."TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).
ISSUE: 19.
CULPRIT: Jesus Saiz (penciller).
DISSECTION: Granny Goodness is yet again drawn to young and svelte. So, on another note, it's revealed that the island Granny is using as Themiscyra is Themiscyra itself, complete with hiding Hippolyta... but still, all that was said previously doesn't jive well, so my previous dissections on the matter still stand.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"STRESS IS MESSING MY 'DO UP."TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 839.
CULPRIT: Ryan Benjamin and/or Don Kramer (pencillers).
DISSECTION: Merlyn is not bald, he has a definite widow's peak, but he's not bald.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"BUTLER, MEDIC, NINJA!"TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 839.
CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).
DISSECTION: Alfred is not a ninja, he can't help defend kung-fuesque monks from Demon Head cult ninjas!
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"HOLY DISSECTIONS BATMAN!"TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 839.
CULPRIT: Ryan Benjamin and/or Don Kramer (pencillers).
DISSECTION: Check out this image below, tell me what's wrong:
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"MORPH... YES, THAT'S HIM..."
TITLE: Exiles (Marvel).
ISSUE: 100.
CULPRIT: Jordan D. White (assistant editor) and/or Mark Paniccia (senior editor).
DISSECTION: Cast of characters at the beginning of the book, absolutely no mention of Morph not being really Morph. Oh, and of course, this is the last issue, because we definitely need a New Exiles title now...
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"LOOK INTO THE EYES OF THE GODS!"
TITLE: The Incredible Hulk V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 112.
CULPRIT: Khoi Pham & Stephane Peru (artists).
DISSECTION: Ares' eyes lacks pupils during most of the book, if not all. This dissection was brought to you by Dominik B., he gets another badge.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"MOOSE, BUT NOT BAUMANN."
TITLE: Jughead & Friends Digest (Archie).
ISSUE: 25.
CULPRIT: Adam Walmsley (colorist).
DISSECTION: Jughead's T-shirt is miscolored on page 2, panel 3. Thanks to Shad for reporting this, badge for him.
DISSECT-O-METER:
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"WHITE BOOTS? REALLY?"
TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 16.
CULPRIT: Joe Benitez (penciller).
DISSECTION: Guy Gardner's drawn with his old haircut, plus, his boots are colored white.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for the haircut.
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"KYLE WHO?"
TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 16.
CULPRIT: Dwayne McDuffie
DISSECTION: Guy Gardner says he's holding the Tangent Green Lantern for Kyle until "he comes back". He's not only back, but he's your partner now.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"QUIVER, ARROW, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?"
TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 16.
CULPRIT: Dwayne McDuffie
DISSECTION: The Atom (from Tangent) breaks Red Arrow's bow, yet on page 13 he says "he broke my quiver", and his quiver is obviously intact, while his holding the two halves of his broken bow (shout out to all Star Trek fans!).
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!"
TITLE: Madame Mirage (Top Cow).
ISSUE: 04.
CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).
DISSECTION: So, a technology so sophisticated it can converse with people almost as if it were sentient, and can project solid holograms, among many other things, but it crashes when you use a reference to a movie it hasn't seen?
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"AMAZING, IT WASN'T MOOSE!"
TITLE: Metamorpho: Year One (DC).
ISSUE: 06 of 06.
CULPRIT: Lee Loughridge (colorist).
DISSECTION: Hal Jordan's gloves are colored green instead of white.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WASSAPENING SIMONES?"
TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 45.
CULPRIT: Will Panzo & Daniel Ketchum (assistant editors) and/or Nick Lowe (editor).
DISSECTION: Simone Bianchi, penciller for cover "B", is billed as "Simones" in the credits page.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"I JUST KICKED THEM SHOES OFF TO DANCE BETTER!"
TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 45.
CULPRIT: Humberto Ramos (penciller).
DISSECTION: Hepzibah was wearing boots last week, now she's barefoot.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"I'M SLOUCHING."
TITLE: She-Hulk V2.
ISSUE: 24.
CULPRIT: Shawn Moll (penciller).
DISSECTION: She-Hulk is drawn too short.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WHAT DEPARTMENT DO YOU BELONG TO, AGAIN?"
TITLE: Star Trek: Year Four (IDW Publishing).
ISSUE: 05.
CULPRIT: Steve Conley (artist).
DISSECTION: I'm tired of no department markings on the badges.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"BOOT, AND REBOOT."
TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).
ISSUE: 671.
CULPRIT: Peter Vale (penciller).
DISSECTION: Alright, I can't keep counting everything as dissections, but I hate references to Lana Lang having live parents when she was a teen, or her father being a banker, etc, etc. ARGH!!!!
*Sigh* ... In this case, my problem is that Vale decides to draw Superman's boots with defined soles and heels, when they don't have any.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"TO THE MOON, ALICE, TO THE MOON!"
TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).
ISSUE: 671.
CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).
DISSECTION: Superman pitches AND bats a homerun for charity, sending a ball on a slow, one-month ascent to the moon, to hit on a target. He says he didn't send it faster, because he'd "punch a hole right through the moon". Nope, as hard as Superman can hit, he'd probably destroy the baseball AND the bat, and if not, the ball would disintegrate against the moon. No matter how hard you hit a wall with a glass bottle, it's still a glass bottle.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"SOMEBODY SAAAAAVE MEEEE!"
TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).
ISSUE: Michael Green (writer).
CULPRIT: Alright, I can't complain (as a dissection, I sure as hell can rant, but don't have the energy for it right now) about the fact that they've Smalvillized Superman (there was tons of Kryptonite in Smalville during his teens, there was a freak of the week caused by it, etc.)
But I sure as hell can complain about the fact that there's people selling kryptonite engagement rings, when it gives radiation poisoning. Or are we ignoring ALL of Superman continuity between COIE and INFINITE CRISIS now?!?!?
DISSECTION: 10 Bazzars.
DISSECT-O-METER:
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"I AM NAMOR, AND I'M BACK TO MY OLD TRICKS!"
TITLE: The Order V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).
DISSECTION: This issue contradicts what's been going on with Namor lately
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"HE'S CHECKING IT TWICE..."
TITLE: Various DC books (DC).
ISSUE: N/A.
CULPRIT: Dan DiDio (senior VP/executive editor).
DISSECTION: The Christmas wish list in the DC Nation section at the end of the books, has several wishes that are just plain wrong. I mean, why would Red Tornado wish for a family to call his own, when he already wants one? Or Superman for a new place to call home?
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each. This is just like those stupid Nick Fury files things over at Marvel...
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"iVENGERS."
TITLE: What If? Civil War (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Harvey Tolibao (artist).
DISSECTION: Why would the Avengers use Macs, when they've got Stark tech?
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"I REALIZE DUGAN SPEAKS TOUGH, BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS."
TITLE: World War Hulk Aftersmash: Warbound
ISSUE: 01 of 05.
CULPRIT: Greg Pak (writer) and/or VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).
DISSECTION: Another one by Dominik B., this time Dum Dum Dugan says, on page 20, "You're" instead of "Your".
DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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This week's average was 6.5 Bazzars, basically within our usual averages range. Moments Of The Week! First up, the original Masters Of Evil hold a shadow puppet contest:
Either that, or they're practicing their mad rapping skillz. Then, what do you do if you're a quadriplegic former marine surrounded by giant mutant scorpions, and your mecha breaks down? Why, you open it manually, say "Semper Fi" and blast the hell out of them critters with your .45s!
And last, but not least, Dan DiDio's Christmas' list for the DC heroes and villains:
At first I thought he was once more denying the fans of what they've been asking, but then I realized that he's actually fueling the fires of speculation on Spoiler's return. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
PS: Happy New Year!
