The Dissector #144.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"(...) your total and utter stupidity!! (...) When I asked you to sign our release form, you put down "Pisces"! You once told us to meet you at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk"! I caught you studying for your blood test! Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupidity! You're a completely dim ignorant vacuous imbecilic idiot braindead cretinous moron!!" Outlaw scientist about Rhino's intelligence, or lack thereof, seconds before being impaled on the newly minted villain's larger horn.

Welcome to the column for comics released on 12/09, which I'm writing while listening to Richard Cheese's "Silent Nightclub" (a Christmas album). Gotta love Richard Cheese... First of all, and on a comics related not, let me apologize to David Gallaher, writer of Hulk: Winter Guard, who dropped by the comment section of my last column, and disputed my claim that there was some fake Russian in his book. My apologies, I took note of the word "ponchiki" because I didn't know it, and then, when writing the column, without the comic book in front of me, just my notes, I didn't notice that I had typed "pochiki". I couldn't find that word anywhere, even with alternate spellings (but alas, never the right one), so I marked it as a made up word. Honestly, when I was writing it, I thought "the rest of the Russian looks flawless, I should go back and check if I took note of the word correctly"... but I didn't. The average for last column stays the same, though, the math added up to the same 6.3 figure.

JohnnyDoe correctly cracked the DT!; there were too many Earths in the Bleed when Swift was in it. It's doubtful the Megaverse, with more than the 52 Earths of the current DC Multiverse would be seen from there. Good job JD, you just made Lieutenant Commander in the Honorary Dissector's Scout Corps!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week! Best Book Of The Week was R.E.B.E.L.S. #11, just a good read, and good art. Worst Book Of The Week was, unfortunately, Lobo: Highway To Hell #2; it's like writer Scott Ian didn't know how to end what he'd started pretty well.

Now, The Rundown: Action Comics (Hal Jordan's badge, Congorilla's size), Citizen Rex (accented letters, calling the main character by the wrong name), Dark X-Men (Norman's eyes), Incredible Hulk (Reed Richard and Bruce Banner with wrong eye colors), Lobo: Highway To Hell (why call Lobo a "blue moron", if his skin is white?), Nation X (Logan and Namor get their eyes colored incorrectly in the cover, and Anole's larger arm is wrong in a story), The New Avengers (Jessica Jones should have brown eyes, not green ones), R.E.B.E.L.S. (Lyrl Dox's eyes are colored incorrectly, an alien spaceship has a sign in English, Sinestro looks nothing like he does in the Green Lantern books and he even changes appearances within this book), S.W.O.R.D. (Beast again, and Hepzibah looks wrong), Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Cardassians ("Carassia"?), War Machine V2 (an American flag again in the ICC, Norman's eyes, and what's a "technomath"?), Wolverine: Under The Boardwalk (Logan's eyes are wrong, wrong costumes on the X-Men, and Logan didn't have adamantium forty years ago), X-Men Forever V2 (accented letters, wrong colors), X Necrosha: The Gathering (Selene's eyes are wrong). Dissections!!!
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"BLUE BEATLE."

TITLE: Booster Gold V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 27.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Ensign Piggylicious noticed that Blue Beetle's armor's hands change color midway through the issue. Good catch, Ensign!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Barry Allen has inexplicable red eyes, Rip Hunter's eyes and hair are, as usually, colored incorrectly, and Supernova's costume is colored wrong too. Not Hi-Fi's day.
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"MINISTERIAL MINISTRATIONS."

TITLE: Daytripper (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 01 of 10.

CULPRIT: Fábio Moon and Gabriel Bá (writers).

DISSECTION: Twin Brazilian brothers Moon and Bá claim they have "secret real names so we don't get attacked by the mob of fans (mostly women), but Brazilian's are known for using nicknames a lot... Pelé is not reaaaaaally (read in a "Dr. Perry Cox" style) called "Pelé", you know? Anyway, you might know them as artists from separate books (Casanova in Moon's case, and Umbrella Academy in Bá's, to name two examples), but now they're writing and drawing their own limited series, Daytripper, in what might be the first US published comic (from DC, Marvel, Dark Horse, Image, or any other publisher) written and drawn by South Americans. Yes, there are a lot of artists from Argentina, Brazil (a LOT), some from Uruguay (Eduardo Barreto, Richard Bennett, and newer artists like Ignacio Calero, Eduardo's son Diego Barreto, and Diego's sister Andrea, who is a colorist, and, more recently, Diego Jourdan), and several Spaniards; but that's all in the art department.

The only Latin American writer I can think of is Roberto Aguirre Sacasa, and in addition to not being South American (his parents are Nicaraguan), he was born in the US. Enrique Breccia is a writer as well as an artist, but he has only drawn stuff for DC, not written it... Fabian Nicieza was born in Argentina but lives in the US since he's three years old, and he's done stuff with Spanish artists, but none that I can think of with South American ones. So, it's kind of a big deal, even if there are other South American writers in the US comic scene, I am pretty certain there hasn't been any book both written and drawn, and more importantly, created, by a South American writer/artist team, so I applaud the irmãos BaMoon. And to any South American artists already in the industry... well, you know where to find me if you want a Uruguayan writer. *wink*

Now, this book was a good read, but it did have one tiny dissection. The main character and his friend refer to the "Ministry" of Culture, when they're actually talking about the "Minister" of Culture, the person, not the institution.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, just like any other "foreign language" dissection.
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"SUPERENDAGERER."

TITLE: DC Holiday Special '09 (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Superman. Err, I mean Arie Kaplan (writer).

DISSECTION: Supes meets a kid with cystic fibrosis (go read that Wikipedia article, it's a serious genetic disease and most people don't know what it is), and takes him flying through the city on Christmas eve... in a robe, scarf, slippers and apparently no pants. Good job, Superman!!! Now, any healthy adult will most likely get a cold like that, and while I don't know much about cystic fibrosis, I know enough (and I read about it on the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's website) to know that people with the disease aren't more likely to get colds, but there's a great chance they'll get sicker than someone without CF. You see, cystic fibrosis, among other things, causes a person to have trouble breathing due to accumulation of mucus in the airways.

I knew a guy in high school who had what I now think was CF (or something very similar), and he was constantly having breathing problems, and had to get physical therapy to help with that. Unfortunately, he died when we were sixteen or so. While we never were actually friends, hope you're well where you are now, Frank.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There are a lot of other dissections in this book, mostly wrong eye colors, a costuming mistake here and there... and for some reason Adam Strange's hair gets colored brown...
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"MR. WEATHERBY."

TITLE: Doom Patrol V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Keith Giffen (writer).

DISSECTION: Once again, Tempest did not have weather powers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"!"

TITLE: Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer).

DISSECTION: See the Quote Of The Week? Well, there are portions I actually changed to correct them. It actually said (and pay attention to the quotation marks inside the ones I put: "(...) When I asked you to sign our release form, you put down "Pisces!" You once told us to meet you at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk!" (...)".

See the problem? While, depending if you're using American or British grammar rules, you can put commas or periods inside or outside the quotation marks, exclamation or question marks only go inside of said quotations if they only apply to the portion you're quoting. The was being emphatic about the stupidities Rhino did (writing "Pisces", thinking "Walk" and "Don't Walk" were street names), not saying that Rhino had written "Pisces!" or "Don't Walk!" with exclamation marks.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. There is also an accented letter smaller than it should be, and a word balloon pointing to empty air, and no invisible man.
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"SECRET AMNESIA."

TITLE: What If: Secret Invasion (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Kevin Grevioux & Karl Bollers (writers).

DISSECTION: The Skrulls succeed in their invasion, and humans and Skrulls live in peace... mostly. Some humans, including aunt May, accept "conversion"; becoming Skrulls by combining their DNA with Skrull DNA. So, the heroes start adapting the X-Men's skrullified Legacy virus to purge the alien DNA from humanity. Peter Parker, the Black Panther, Night Trasher, Iron Man, and others work on it, trying to make it so it doesn't kill humans while cleansing the Skrull DNA from them. However, Peter Parker, yes, Spider-Man, helps Norman Osborn sneak in to impersonate Iron Man and help, because he's apparently an expert in "microbiology".

Since when? Microbiology has never been Norman's specialty, and in any case, why would Peter trust Norman? I call thee bullshyte.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Lots of other errors, of all kinds, in this book.
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"WORLD WAR DISSECTION."

TITLE: What If: World War Hulk (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Lucio Parrillo (colorist).

DISSECTION: You tell me:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. It's pretty obvious; and there are also a couple of minor script dissections.
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This column has an average of 6.7 Bazzars on sixty-nine (hehe) dissections. Pretty standard. Now, Cover Of The Week, a pretty simple, yet good looking cover by Russell Chong for Star Wars: The Clone Wars #11:


Very Red Baron, and that's the whole point... but I liked it. Only two Moments Of The Week, first up, Booster Gold comes up with a great way of getting rid of Black Lanterns:


Jolly good job! And now, a funny X-Men moment:


It made me laugh. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #68.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"(...) a plan that probably involves Sentry being asked to do something that'll make him cry." Build-A-Recap, World War Hulk Aftersmash: Damage Control #03.

That quote made me laugh out loud. Have I ever mentioned that I think Sentry sucks? Last column's DT! was spotted by Sully and Snarf5181, and it was that "Qurac" was spelled as "Quarac".... that's like misspelling Latveria! *whistles looking up, since for more than two decades he thought it was Lavteria*

Time for the Dissector's Picks Of The Week, I'll make them short. Best Book Of The Week was Blue Beetle V7 #25; it was just an explosive, edge-of-your-seat ending to the plot that started in issue one; and we even get a JLI (sort of) guest spot. Vibrant art, snappy dialogues, great pacing... it all adds up to comic book gold. See more about this in the Moments Of The Week (and I had to leave some out). I have to admit that I'm a bit afraid of next issue being "all-Spanish!"; but I guess I'll just have to read it.

Worst Book Of The Week? Transhuman #1; it was dense, not funny, and just plain boring. It does, however, have an interesting enough backdrop for me to check out next issue. On with the dissections, then.
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"HE WAS AN ABIN SUR FAN."

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Rags Morales (penciller).

DISSECTION: This is actually a good story, a better anti-Batman than Prometheus, really. However, they show the original Wrath being put in a Gotham orphanage, back in the time where Gordon gets transferred to Chicago (when he was a simple patrolman, not long after the Waynes' murder). So, this is, easily, 20 years ago. Twenty years ago in DC time, none of the "Silver Age" heroes were active; so why is a kid wearing a t-shirt with a Green Lantern Corps logo?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"THERE ARE MANY, MANY, MANY MODELS."

TITLE: Battlestar Galactica: Origins (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Inlight Studio (colorist).

DISSECTION: Despite the sub par art, this book is actually the best so far of the Dynamite new BSG books. Still, there's an error. When we see the Cylons prior to their attack on the colonies, a Simon model can be seen with the others, but his skin is colored Caucasian, instead of black, as it should be. By the way, I haven't seen the first episode of the new season, but I'm told it's great.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"BREAKING NEWS! T'CHALLA CAN'T READ WAKANDAN!"

TITLE: Black Panther V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Cafu (penciller). Oh, look, two-times World Cup winner footballer Cafu is now a comic book penciller?! Or actually this one should be for Reginald Hudlin (writer).

DISSECTION: The Black Panther's monitors again have text in English "Incoming Call - Mother" such and such... uhm... no, I don't think so.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"TRUE COLORS."

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7 (DC)

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Guy Major (colorist).

DISSECTION: Guy Gardner's emblem is colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"ANIMAL MAN, NOT CYPHER."

TITLE: Countdown To Adventure (DC).

ISSUE: 08 of 08.

CULPRIT: Adam Beechen (writer).

DISSECTION: Now Animal Man has (since 52) the ability to tap into the morphogenetic fields of the whole universe, and mimic abilities from animals from other planets. Still, that doesn't give him the ability to speak any alien language, since that's a learned skill, not an inherent ability.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Good mini, a bit too long (it shouldn't have taken more than four issues to tell this story), but this is a fundamental misunderstanding of Animal Man's powers, and an unnecessary one, since a) it was plausible that either Starfire or Adam Strange spoke a language the Healers would understand, and b) Starfire can absorb languages through physical contact.
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"WHO IS THAT GIRL?"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (penciller).

DISSECTION: Nice nod Kamandi; I'm surprised that they didn't make a special or a miniseries to tell this story, when less-tangential arcs to Countdown have been done as such (The Search For Ray Palmer, anyone?). Still, Starlin gets Una's costume wrong, drawing very thin bracelets on her wrists instead of bracers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Kyle is missing his chest emblem in one panel.
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"MYSTERIOUS SPELLINGS."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 66.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I misspelled Jeromy Cox's name as "Jeremy". Sully spotted this one, and one where I misspelled "Mystery" as "Mistery".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Also, the Guvnor found a typo I made
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"OHNOES, THE COPS!"

TITLE: JSA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: B. Clay Moore (writer).

DISSECTION: Since when does Wildcat run from the police after detaining a perp? He's a member of one of the most important, public, and even down-to-Earth superhero teams in the DCU!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"SHE MARRIED NITRO?"

TITLE: Knights Of The Dinner Table (Kenzer & Co.).

ISSUE: 134.

CULPRIT: Barbara Blackburn (assistant editor)

DISSECTION: One of the footnote quotes is credited to "Sara Fergueson", when her last name is "Felton". Fergueson is the name of another character (Victor "Nitro" Fergueson). Kudos to her and her husband Jolly for taking the heat on this one, and being such great sports about it. They make the finest comics/gaming magazine out there, along with the rest of the team, and they're so down to Earth and willing to talk in the forums with their fans, that I regret having to report errors in their books. But... the Dissector doesn't, and he's sometimes stronger than I am.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. There's also a repeated quote in two consecutive pages (that one's for Jolly and the lovely Bev Shideler, the typo slayer).
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"DISSECTION OF THE FUTURE!"

TITLE: The Legion of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 40.

CULPRIT: Jim Shooter (writer).

DISSECTION: Easy one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"DOOM TALKS BACK!"

TITLE: The Mighty The Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: Even if he's a Skrull (he might be), Doctor Doom does not say things like "You're a fat piece of furniture I may need for trade! So shut your cow-mouth or I'll remove your face by hand before I stop your whore's hear!"

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Also, why would Tony Stark have to "reverse-engineer" tech he himself developed and has all the specs for?
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"JUST IGNORE THOSE."

TITLE: Robin V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 171.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).

DISSECTION: This issue is from February, but since I wanted to read all about the possible return of the Spoiler, I got this one and 172 to read. Not bad, I'll say, but I have a hard time believing that Robin actually thinks that "The criminal element is made up technophobes." Uhm? And what do you call Lex Luthor, Brainiac, Captain Cold, Mirror Master, etc, and even the lame-ass Condiment King guy you just fought in this very issue? DC has a lot of tech-villains, even among the non-superpowered variety.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"MASTER OF STEALTH!"

TITLE: Robin V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 172.

CULPRIT: David Baldeón (penciller).

DISSECTION: Robin's utility pouches are not fixed on both ends to his belt, flapping around wildly when he runs. Yes, very stealthy.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"DUH!"

TITLE: Robin V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 171.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).

DISSECTION: Since when is Robin stupid enough to phone his girlfriend in the middle of an important case. Dixon, this is not the same Robin appearing in Teen Titans or Batman.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Greek themed casino, lots of "Z" banners, and a guy who looks like Maxie Zeus, and Robin even doubts it's him?
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"THE UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR IS BROKEN!"

TITLE: The Secret History Of The Authority: Jack Hawksmoor (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Mike Costa (writer).

DISSECTION: Nice first issue, this is my favorite Authority character (him and the previous Doctor). Nice writing by Mike Costa, and good art by Fiona Staples; we need more women in comics. However, I have a problem with one of the lines said by the current Doctor (who, comically, Fiona has making Ditkoesque Dr. Strange hand-gestures). The Authority is fighting some sort of mythical giant (similar to the Millennium Giants in DC a few years back), whose language they can't translate, because according to the Doctor "It's a proto-language. It comes from a time when language and culture were inextricable from each other." Uhm, what?

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"ALLEN-NATION."

TITLE: Spider-Man: With Great Power... (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: David Lapham (writer) and/or VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Liz Allan, not Allen. Yes, I know, I've made that mistake too.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"YOU'RE PALE..."

TITLE: Star Trek: New Frontier (IDW).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Leonard O'Grady (colorist).

DISSECTION: I expected no less from Peter David, this was a good issue, though I wish I hadn't missed the few latest New Frontier novels. The art is not fantastic, but it's certainly better than the norm in IDW's Trek titles. Still, there's a couple of errors. First up, Kalinda's skin should be, as with all Thallonians, dark red, or even light red... not dull pink.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Romeo Takahashi's hair should be blonde, not white.
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"WORFZILLA."

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: Intelligence Gathering (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 05

CULPRIT: David Messina (artist).

DISSECTION: This was the best issue so far of the IDW TNG comics; even the art was better... but that's probably because apart from David Messina on the art, Gianluigi Gregorini is credited as "art assist"... Still, Messina still draws Worf in a scene as if he was three times larger than a human being. Psst, Dave... he's a Klingon, not the Hulk...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"DEMOTED!"

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: Intelligence Gathering (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 05

CULPRIT: David Messina (penciller).

DISSECTION: Chief O'Brien is never wearing any rank insignia. Yes, I know he has a history of screw-ups on part of production regarding his rank and insignia, perhaps that was Messina's reason for not drawing any on him? Also, I'd like to thank Messina for including my dad in Star Trek:


First he was a Sinestro Corpsman, now he's a Starfleet Engineer? Nah, he'd be best suited for the JAG.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Picard's eyes are not green.
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"SLACKERS."

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: Intelligence Gathering (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 05

CULPRIT: Scott & David Tipton (writer).

DISSECTION: O'Brien claims that a after level 3 diagnostic, there is not much more they can do without pulling into a space dock; but actually, a level 1 diagnostic is the most exhaustive one they can do.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"MONKEY BUSSINESS."

TITLE: Transhuman (Image).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Hickman (writer).

DISSECTION: The test apes are referred to, in what's supposed to be official research reports as "monkeys". NO. APES ARE NOT MONKEYS!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, one of the analysts uses the word "fucking", it's supposed to be a scientific study.
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"IS SHE WOODY'S DAUGHTER?"

TITLE: Ultimate Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 120.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer), and/or Lauren Sakovitch (assistant editor), and/or Bill Roseman (editor).

DISSECTION: Liz Allan guys, let's all get that right, yes?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. And also, I can't count it as a dissection, but I'm feeling that Bendis calling Blob "Franklin" instead of "Frederick" was a mistake, not an intention to rename the character for the Ultimate Universe.
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Well, this week we had a 5.8 Bazzar average; not too shabby. What? You wanna see the Moments Of The Week? Here we go: First, Jack Hakwsmoor shows you why he's the "King Of Cities"!


Henry Bendix (the guy with the wings) just peed himself a little. Next, we learn exactly what "Khaji Da" means:


That's the scarab talking, and it rebels completely against the Reach, befriending Jaime. Cool! Talking about cool, check this out:


"I'm the crazy one." indeed Guy. Check out Milagros' face (I can see a Guy Gardner poster in her room), and the Reach soldier who realizes they're screwed. Priceless. More Blue Beetle, last one actually, the Reach is low-tech pwnd!


Jamie Reyes is a credit to modern teenagers. Next, the death of a beloved character:


Holy crap! Last, Ben Grimm shows us he's not just beauty and brawn:


Gotta love the Thing. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #67.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"You can call me an "innovator"... You can call me a "child prodigy"... But I don't really know what those words mean." Franklin Richards, Franklin Richards, Franklin Richards: Spring Break.

Aaaaaaaaand.... CAUGHT UP!!! YEAH, BABY, YEAH!!! This is the column for the books published on 03/19, which means that I'm back on schedule. I've gotten such a workout from this catch-up series of columns, that I can make them faster than ever, but still, I'll slow down in future columns and take the time to rant more extensively when things bother me. The Dissect This! for last column was solved (only in part) by Snakebyte, who saw that the map in the UN seal was any but Earth's. Marvel's Earths have a few extra islands, and of course, Atlantis underwater; but the regular continents' shapes are still the same. Also, the general design of the seal was screwed up, apart from the map. But... this was a double DT, and nobody got the second one (I know, I'm not letting you guys breathe between columns), which was that the two seals in the picture... were not the same. The maps were different, for starters.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week goes to Everybody's Dead #1; with a hilarious script by Brian Lynch, and art... well, the art by Dave Crossland was a bit subpar, more suited to a webcomic than something put out by IDW... but at least it was consistent and not just plain BAD as most of the IDW Star Trek book's art is. Worst Book Of The Week goes to World War Hulk Aftersmash: Warbound #4 of 5. Is it bad? No, but it was the most boring thing I read in the week, and this story certainly did not need five issues to be told. The art in the first story is a bit plain, and while the art on the backup tale is good, I really don't feel the need to learn about the Warbound's pasts. That's it then, on to the dissections!
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"BLANK WITH FEAR."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 554.

CULPRIT: Phil Jimenez (penciller).

DISSECTION: First story page, Randall Crowne lacks pupils and irises.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"STRAP IN."

TITLE: Captain America V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Butch Guice (penciller).

DISSECTION: Yeah, I know... I'm way to nitpicky.... but Captain America's shield straps are drawn incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"POWERLESS!"

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Joe Bennett (penciller).

DISSECTION: Vixen is not wearing her Tantu Totem!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Red Arrow's costume is wrong, and so are Jay Garrick's boots... and Superman's cape shield!!! And of course, Fire's name.
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"OH NO HE DIDN'T!"

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Santiago Arcas (colorist).

DISSECTION: Arcas incorrectly colors SUPERMAN'S CAPE SHIELD!!! He colors it as if it was the chest shield, blue and yellow

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Un-for-gi-va-ble.
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"GOOD NA-NITE."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Adam Beechen (writer).

DISSECTION: I understand how the Morticoccus virus evolved after infecting Karate Kid... but what the hell is this "Thirty-First century nanites in the virus"... I assume they mean Karate Kid Thirty-First century antibodies, but if they meant the virus itself, it's still wrong, because it's not from the 31st century (or it hasn't been mentioned), and nanites would imply that it's a technovirus.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Tom Chu colors Donna Troy's eyes incorrectly, and Mary marvel's lightning.
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"GET IT RIGHT!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 52.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Every time I type "Countdown To Final Crisis", I need to make sure I don't write "Infinite Crisis"; and I have dissected myself on the matter in the past; but I just re-checked, and I missed it in column 52. A sign?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, and I did it twice.
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"WHAT GIVES?"

TITLE: Everybody's Dead (IDW).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Brian Lynch (writer).

DISSECTION: The issue opens with a flyer for a frat Halloween party, stating that men pay ten dollars, and girls are free (costumed girls are "double free", whatever that means, heh). Yet not ten pages later, Jack's girlfriend complains that Aurora got in free. Huh?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"EYE MACHINA."

TITLE: Ex Machina (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Tony Harris (penciller).

DISSECTION: This has got to be one of my favorite books, but it's been slower than a turtle, lately. Still, it hasn't ceased to be a good read. In this case, first dissection I ever find in this comic, in one of Mitch Hundred's flashbacks to his time as "The Great Machine" (actually told by his deputy mayor), his goggle lenses get shattered, and in one panel you can't see his eye, and on the other one you can... it's quite confusing.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SUPER GREEN! LANTERN GREEN!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Peter Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: John Stewart's eyes are NOT green! And why does Pantazis get credited as Pete sometimes and as Peter other times? Shouldn't they have some sort of standard?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. I'm just tired of this.
<-------------------------------->
"TEXTBOOK DISSECTION."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Alan Burnett (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: This is an easy one, tell me what's wrong here:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, guys, the word is "scepter", not "sceptor".
<-------------------------------->
"ZZZZZZZZZT!"

TITLE: Super Friends V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Sholly Fisch (writer).

DISSECTION: I know this is a book aimed at children, and I find it pretty good, even to read it to my own kid. However, being a kids book does not give you a license to write as if for idiots. Amazo, the android who can copy all of the Super Friend's powers, is defeated because they dupe him into duplicating Aquaman's powers, jumping into the water and short-circuiting, because... "everyone knows that water and electrical machines don't mix!" Sholly, even kids have heard about submarines and motor boats.... Not only you're treating kids as morons, but you're swiping a story from the Super Friends cartoon, where Batman defeats ROMAK, the evil computer, with a bucket of water ("The Evil Machines").

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLACK CELEBRATION."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: Annual 02.

CULPRIT: Jorge Molina (colorist).

DISSECTION: Superman's emblem in a monitor has the background colored in black. Nice of Joe Kelly to nod to the Silver Age story where Superman loses his powers and becomes Supernova; but he should have changed the name and costume (which looks silly) after 52, with this story being early in their careers, why didn't anybody make any mention of the "original" Supernova during the missing year?

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ONE EARTH."

TITLE: Tangent: Superman's Reign (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 12.

CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (writer).

DISSECTION: There's a sequence in the "central" DCU, which is labeled as "Earth-1"; but Earth-1 is a different one, this should be New Earth, as there's Earths "New to 51".

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, John Stewart's costume bracers are colored silver.
<-------------------------------->
Well, 21 dissections and an average of 7.1 Bazzars... not that's more like it! Moments Of The Week, now, we start with P.I.M.P.:


Sorry, I meant H.E.R.B.I.E.! Next, fear Spin, a villain who gets his powers from BDSMing an alien!


Disturbing... not as much as that snake a few columns ago, but still... Then, the fight we all want to see:


Place your bets! Mine's on the dragon, of course. And now, Spidey does the unexpected:


He gives JJJ yet another heart attack!!! Now, a funny scene from Everybody's Dead:


The frat's Recording Secretary, Mosby, show's a rival fraternity what it is to stare at a barrel of a gun... or at least, at Megatron's! Next up, Alfred shows his taste in cars:


Heh! Then, the Dibnys return!


I did NOT expect that. And for a finale, somebody gets sliced and diced by a WWI fighter plane!


Guts, it had to be Ennis, and guts! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #64.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Pants, then spaceship. In that order." Jaime Reyes (Blue Beetle III) escaping from an alien mothership, Blue Beetle V7 #24.

Still playing catch-up, here are the dissections for the comics released on the week of 02/27, which at least lets us finish with the month of February. That quote up there is one of the reasons I just love the current Blue Beetle book. But more on that later; on another topic, the DT! from last column was not found by any of my readers, so I will reveal it myself. The problem was that the General is not drawn as tall as he should, he should be several feet taller than Bronze Tiger, yet he's just a couple of heads taller.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week goes to, as you could guess from above, Blue Beetle V7 #24. John Rogers provide an excellent match of action, drama and humor; along with excellent dialogues; and while Rafael Albuquerque's art is not my cup of tea; it's almost flawless. The ending of this issue is also a great, as you'll see in the Moments Of The Week.

Worst Book Of The Week was Crime Bible: Five Lessons Of Blood. I never liked the art, and while I like Greg Rucka and the Question is one of my favorite characters (at least Vic Sage), Renee Montoya is just not cutting it for me... plus, this last issue, the ending, was just... meh. On to the dissections, then!
<-------------------------------->
"SUPER-DISSECTIVE!"

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 862.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: The Legion of Substitute Heroes does not have a hyphen between the last two words.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar, plus the powers aren't listed properly, as usual.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT'S A FAKE BADGE!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Tom Derenick (penciller).

DISSECTION: Kyle Rayner's chest emblem is drawn incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars, he also drew the Piper's sunglasses wrong again, and Pete Pantazis colored the emblem incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"ULTIMATE VOLUME."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 63.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte correctly pointed out (and gets his sixth badge, making him a Lieutenant) that the current Ultimates book is "The Ultimates 3", and not "The Ultimates 3 V1", as I dubbed it. Not a mistake on my part, but a choice, and a wrong one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WELD?"

TITLE: Hybrid Bastards (Archaia Studios Press).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Tom Pinchuk (writer) and/or non-credited letterer.

DISSECTION: The word "wield" is spelled as "weild".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"MARTIAN POWERS."

TITLE: JLA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 53.

CULPRIT: Roger Stern (writer).

DISSECTION: Since when can the Martian Manhunter draw strength and mass from the Earth to increase his own?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S TALKING ABOUT UNDERDEVELOPED COUNTRIES."

TITLE: Justice Society of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman (from Kingdom Come) does not know what Gog meant with "Third World"; when he should be familiar with the term "Fourth World" for the New Gods. Heck, at least as a former journalist (or anyone with some education) should know the non-DC meaning of the term.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Also, we have our customary Cyclone costume error (reported by Miss Kitty Fantastico, who just made Lt. Cmdr. in the HDSC!!!!), this time by the colorist, and also, Geoff Johns conveniently forgets that Jimmy Olsen is not just Perry's errand boy.
<-------------------------------->
"KNIGHTS OF THE DISSECTION TABLE."

TITLE: Knights Of The Dinner Table (Kenzer & Co.).

ISSUE: 133.

CULPRIT: Jolly Blackburn and/or Steve Johansson (writers).

DISSECTION: No, you don't have to know anything about KODT to find out this Dissect This! It's not about the plot, in fact, it's not about this comic at all.


DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MICRO LAD!"

TITLE: The Legion of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 39.

CULPRIT: Jim Shooter (writer).

DISSECTION: Colossal Boy powers, in this continuity, are not growing to giant size; he's a giant that shrinks to normal human size.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. There's also a small art error on Francis Manapul's part.
<-------------------------------->
"YOU KNOW HOW ACTRESSES ONLY PRETEND TO BE NAKED IN SOME SCENES?"

TITLE: Ultimate Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 119.

CULPRIT: Stuart Immonen (penciller).

DISSECTION: According to Tylo, at one point, Liz Allen, who's supposed to be naked, is clearly seen to have a sleeve when she's shutting her flame off.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars, as it could be a shadow and the edge of the blanket she's covering herself with.
<-------------------------------->
"ATTACK OF THE FIFTY FOOT RADIOACTIVE MAN!"

TITLE: World War Hulk Aftersmash: Damage Control (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Salva Espin (artist). Odd, he's sometimes credited as Salvador Espin, and Marvel.com's own database has the two names as separate people.

DISSECTION: The Radioactive man, who's 6'6", is pictured as being about a feet and a half taller than the Swordsman, who's 5'9". What's odd, is that on the page before, their heights look correct.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, just for not being able to keep things consistent. Also, Ares has no pupils or irises.
<-------------------------------->
"FROSTY... FROSTY...."

TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 208.

CULPRIT: David Finch (cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Great, yet another renamed title.... which will go back to calling itself X-Men in a few months....Finch draws the original X-Men in the cover, in their early days; yet he draws Iceman in his "iceman", rather than "snowman" form.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Ohmahgauze; as my friend Jess would say; lowest average ever! 4.1 Bazzars, in nineteen dissections. That'll be tough to beat, considering that the lowest average was 4.6, back in column #14. Now, what's not low is the amount of Moments Of The Week, there's nine, count 'em, nine of them. First up, the Subs attack using a space-bus, and Stone Boy gives the Justice League Of Earth the double-double space bird:

He literally rocks. Next, Batman gets prank calls:

Heh! Then, Blue Beetle surprises us:

For those of you not in the know, those are the magic words that the original Blue Beetle, Dan Garrett, used to activate his powers. Then, Apokolips goes chumbawumba:

Holy shit! Next up, you know how teachers say they have eyes on their back?

Well, Eyefull Ethel has eyes on her rack! We go on with some Star Wars; what are they using to wax Star Destroyer floors?

Or is that Admiral just flexible and likes to show off? More from the Titans, next; somebody raids Wonder Girl's panty drawer.

Uhm... is she still underage? Almost at the end, we get the Asgardians sitting in a town meeting:

Very funny... and last... one of the creepiest things I've seen in comics:

Eww..... really, ewwwwwww!!!!! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Creator sighting!

While you wait for the column on the latest comics (tis the season for delays), and the reveal of who won the Autopsy Awards, here's another creator sighting:

Joe Caramagna (of Virtual Caligraphy fame), letterer of many books, has sent me the following e-mail: "Hi! I read your blog here and there and I love it (even though I'm a culprit once in a while)! But I do have to defend myself just a little bit (Ha ha). In your latest blog, you name Greg Pak and myself as a culprit for World War Hulk Aftersmash: Warbound #1 in which Dum Dum Dugan says "Your" instead of "You're".

While Greg and myself can both share the blame for an error like that, you can't overlook the team of Marvel proofreaders and editor Nate Cosby (not to throw my buddy Nate under the bus). Greg did spell the word wrong at first, but all of us (or at least ONE of us) should have caught it!

Keep up the great work, the blog is hilarious!"

Thanks for the kind words Joe, I'm glad you enjoy the column. I always blame editors, and by extension, the proofreaders, so much, that I can't be bothered to mention them in every single dissection. Say, Joe, speaking about the proofreading department over at Marvel... think you can get in a good word for me? You know I have a good eye for these things....

Thank you very much for reading Joe, and for taking your time to write.

The Dissector #54.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Dammit Cindy! I can't fight foreign invaders in a Steely Dan T-shirt!" Max Keane, The Programme #06.

Weeeeelcoooome to the last column of the year! I hope this was a good year for you all, and if it wasn't, I hope next year's better. Straight into this week's content, last column's Dissect This! was busted by Miss Kitty Fantastico, who correctlyt pointed out that Salakk's name was misspelled as "Salaak". Badge for you, MKF! This is the last week to vote for the Autopsy Awards, by the way, so if you haven't voted, check out the nominees and e-mail your votes here.

The Dissector's Pick Of The Week For Best Book Of The Week was The Order #06, not a particularly outstanding book, but a good read overall, and a better balance to the character origin / moving the story forward format writer Matt Fraction has been giving us until now. The art by Barry Kitson, with inks by Mark Morales and Scott Koblish, and colors by Jelena Kevic Djurdjevic and Soto, is very good, with detailed mecha and monster designs, and believable (if stylized) human figures.

The Worst Book Of The Week was Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Orions, and not because it was a bad book, but rather because it utterly misses its point. It had an entertaining, if completely unoriginal script by Scott and David Tipton, and nice art by Elena Casagrande, colored by Mirco Pierfederici. However, this books fails completely at providing any spotlight on the Orions, showing only one Orion female (and another one in a flashback), and she's not even in about three-quarters of the book! We're supposed to be learning about these alien species, not about Christopher Pike. Well then, on with the dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"O ERROR MAIS RECURRENTE DO MUNDO!"

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 21.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: The first caption box has the Checkmate symbol obscuring the first part, and you can only guess that it reads "7", although it might be "17". Also, on the roll call, Fire's last name is once more spelled "Dacosta" instead of "da Costa".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THIS IS THE KIND OF TAN YOU GET OUTSIDE THE OZONE LAYER!"

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Superwoman-Batwoman (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Kanila Tripp (colorist).

DISSECTION: On the cover, and in most of the book, Green Lantern (Kylie Rayner) is colored as if she's human, but on the Justice League's monitors (page five) she's definitely colored purple, as if alien.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YOU KNOW, GREEN LANTERN COSTUMES ARE LIKE THAT..."

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Superwoman-Batwoman (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Kalman Andrasofzsky (penciller pages 1-13, 15-17).

DISSECTION: Not only is Green Lantern's skin colored differently, her costume is not the same in the monitor as in the rest of the issue. And no, it's not because it's a separate penciller, because Andrasofszky also pencils page ten, and her costume is different there.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"JUST CALL ME AUNTIE GOODNESS."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Jesus Saiz (penciller).

DISSECTION: Granny Goodness is yet again drawn to young and svelte. So, on another note, it's revealed that the island Granny is using as Themiscyra is Themiscyra itself, complete with hiding Hippolyta... but still, all that was said previously doesn't jive well, so my previous dissections on the matter still stand.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"STRESS IS MESSING MY 'DO UP."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 839.

CULPRIT: Ryan Benjamin and/or Don Kramer (pencillers).

DISSECTION: Merlyn is not bald, he has a definite widow's peak, but he's not bald.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BUTLER, MEDIC, NINJA!"

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 839.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).

DISSECTION: Alfred is not a ninja, he can't help defend kung-fuesque monks from Demon Head cult ninjas!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HOLY DISSECTIONS BATMAN!"

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 839.

CULPRIT: Ryan Benjamin and/or Don Kramer (pencillers).

DISSECTION: Check out this image below, tell me what's wrong:

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MORPH... YES, THAT'S HIM..."

TITLE: Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 100.

CULPRIT: Jordan D. White (assistant editor) and/or Mark Paniccia (senior editor).

DISSECTION: Cast of characters at the beginning of the book, absolutely no mention of Morph not being really Morph. Oh, and of course, this is the last issue, because we definitely need a New Exiles title now...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LOOK INTO THE EYES OF THE GODS!"

TITLE: The Incredible Hulk V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 112.

CULPRIT: Khoi Pham & Stephane Peru (artists).

DISSECTION: Ares' eyes lacks pupils during most of the book, if not all. This dissection was brought to you by Dominik B., he gets another badge.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MOOSE, BUT NOT BAUMANN."

TITLE: Jughead & Friends Digest (Archie).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Adam Walmsley (colorist).

DISSECTION: Jughead's T-shirt is miscolored on page 2, panel 3. Thanks to Shad for reporting this, badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER:
<-------------------------------->
"WHITE BOOTS? REALLY?"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Joe Benitez (penciller).

DISSECTION: Guy Gardner's drawn with his old haircut, plus, his boots are colored white.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for the haircut.
<-------------------------------->
"KYLE WHO?"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Dwayne McDuffie

DISSECTION: Guy Gardner says he's holding the Tangent Green Lantern for Kyle until "he comes back". He's not only back, but he's your partner now.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"QUIVER, ARROW, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Dwayne McDuffie

DISSECTION: The Atom (from Tangent) breaks Red Arrow's bow, yet on page 13 he says "he broke my quiver", and his quiver is obviously intact, while his holding the two halves of his broken bow (shout out to all Star Trek fans!).

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!"

TITLE: Madame Mirage (Top Cow).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).

DISSECTION: So, a technology so sophisticated it can converse with people almost as if it were sentient, and can project solid holograms, among many other things, but it crashes when you use a reference to a movie it hasn't seen?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AMAZING, IT WASN'T MOOSE!"

TITLE: Metamorpho: Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Lee Loughridge (colorist).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan's gloves are colored green instead of white.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WASSAPENING SIMONES?"

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Will Panzo & Daniel Ketchum (assistant editors) and/or Nick Lowe (editor).

DISSECTION: Simone Bianchi, penciller for cover "B", is billed as "Simones" in the credits page.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I JUST KICKED THEM SHOES OFF TO DANCE BETTER!"

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Humberto Ramos (penciller).

DISSECTION: Hepzibah was wearing boots last week, now she's barefoot.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M SLOUCHING."

TITLE: She-Hulk V2.

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Shawn Moll (penciller).

DISSECTION: She-Hulk is drawn too short.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT DEPARTMENT DO YOU BELONG TO, AGAIN?"

TITLE: Star Trek: Year Four (IDW Publishing).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Steve Conley (artist).

DISSECTION: I'm tired of no department markings on the badges.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BOOT, AND REBOOT."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 671.

CULPRIT: Peter Vale (penciller).

DISSECTION: Alright, I can't keep counting everything as dissections, but I hate references to Lana Lang having live parents when she was a teen, or her father being a banker, etc, etc. ARGH!!!!

*Sigh* ... In this case, my problem is that Vale decides to draw Superman's boots with defined soles and heels, when they don't have any.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TO THE MOON, ALICE, TO THE MOON!"

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 671.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman pitches AND bats a homerun for charity, sending a ball on a slow, one-month ascent to the moon, to hit on a target. He says he didn't send it faster, because he'd "punch a hole right through the moon". Nope, as hard as Superman can hit, he'd probably destroy the baseball AND the bat, and if not, the ball would disintegrate against the moon. No matter how hard you hit a wall with a glass bottle, it's still a glass bottle.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SOMEBODY SAAAAAVE MEEEE!"

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: Michael Green (writer).

CULPRIT: Alright, I can't complain (as a dissection, I sure as hell can rant, but don't have the energy for it right now) about the fact that they've Smalvillized Superman (there was tons of Kryptonite in Smalville during his teens, there was a freak of the week caused by it, etc.)

But I sure as hell can complain about the fact that there's people selling kryptonite engagement rings, when it gives radiation poisoning. Or are we ignoring ALL of Superman continuity between COIE and INFINITE CRISIS now?!?!?

DISSECTION: 10 Bazzars.

DISSECT-O-METER:
<-------------------------------->
"I AM NAMOR, AND I'M BACK TO MY OLD TRICKS!"

TITLE: The Order V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: This issue contradicts what's been going on with Namor lately

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S CHECKING IT TWICE..."

TITLE: Various DC books (DC).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Dan DiDio (senior VP/executive editor).

DISSECTION: The Christmas wish list in the DC Nation section at the end of the books, has several wishes that are just plain wrong. I mean, why would Red Tornado wish for a family to call his own, when he already wants one? Or Superman for a new place to call home?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each. This is just like those stupid Nick Fury files things over at Marvel...
<-------------------------------->
"iVENGERS."

TITLE: What If? Civil War (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Harvey Tolibao (artist).

DISSECTION: Why would the Avengers use Macs, when they've got Stark tech?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I REALIZE DUGAN SPEAKS TOUGH, BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS."

TITLE: World War Hulk Aftersmash: Warbound

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak (writer) and/or VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Another one by Dominik B., this time Dum Dum Dugan says, on page 20, "You're" instead of "Your".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
This week's average was 6.5 Bazzars, basically within our usual averages range. Moments Of The Week! First up, the original Masters Of Evil hold a shadow puppet contest:


Either that, or they're practicing their mad rapping skillz. Then, what do you do if you're a quadriplegic former marine surrounded by giant mutant scorpions, and your mecha breaks down? Why, you open it manually, say "Semper Fi" and blast the hell out of them critters with your .45s!


And last, but not least, Dan DiDio's Christmas' list for the DC heroes and villains:


At first I thought he was once more denying the fans of what they've been asking, but then I realized that he's actually fueling the fires of speculation on Spoiler's return. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

PS: Happy New Year!

The Dissector #52.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

Atom (Ryan Choi, flying grabbing Wonder Woman's belt): "I... I feel I should let you know I dreamt this once"

Wonder Woman: "... Yes. Thank you for sharing that with me. I appreciate truthfulness in all forms."

Atom (the ( ) means thinking): "(God help me, I can't seem to shut up around her.) I also had this dream once, where you and Power Girl..."

Wonder Woman: "I get that a lot, actually."

Atom: "(Somebody shoot me, please. Stop me before I say something even stupider!) And this one time? There was you and you had this big thing of whipped cream, and..."

Wonder Woman: "I'm just guessing here, but you spend a lot of time on the internet, am I correct?"

Atom: "I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm... I'm not normally like this. (Well, not out loud.)"

The previous dialogue is from All-New Atom #18. Best. Dialogue. Ever. To. Grace. A. Comic. Book. Ok, so maybe I am exaggerating, but it was very funny, and the quote of the week turned again into the dialogue of the week. For All-New Atom. Once more. Issue #18 is also The Dissector's Pick Of The Week for Best Book; for the third or fourth time. Again Gail Simone spins a solid story, with great dialogue and very funny humor, with the solidity coming from the verisimilitude of all it... you believe this is happening, even among all the weirdness that goes on around Ryan Choi.

Mike Norton and Andy Smith as usual (well, for Norton) provide great pencils, giving us a great B-movie atmosphere, as well as rendering Wonder woman as both a gorgeous woman and a warrior. Trevor Scott and Keith Champagne add great inking, all and even if Alex Bleyaert's colors are too bright for my personal taste, they're appropriate for this kind of book. I'm sad that Simone and Norton are leaving the book after two more issues, but it was a good run.

Worst Book of the week? Well, unsurprisingly, Infinity Inc. V2 #4. Milligan, Fiumara, Southworth et al deliver a boring and confusing plot, muddy art, and everything makes less and less sense every issue. I think any hopes I had of this getting better are slowly fading away... Last week's Dissect This was deftly spotted by Miss Kitty Fantastico, and it was the fact that Donna Troy's eyes are colored incorrectly. I quote "are Donna Troy's eyes supposed to be all white? She doesn't have some kind of eye-glowy superpower, does she (like, whenever her eyes light up her origin story gets retconned)?" Yet another Badge for MKF, who is one away from being our first Lt. Commander!

There are still some people who owe their votes for the Autopsy Awards, so I'm still not revealing those. As of this week's column, I'm not writing up all of the dissections; boring or minor ones like a wrong eye color or a misspelled word won't usually get but a mention in the write-up for a more interesting dissection. So, on with the goof-ups!
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"SMALL, BUT..."

TITLE: All-New Atom (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).

DISSECTION: The Atom is in a small (action figure) size, yet with enough density to hit and render unconscious an enemy. If he's so dense, how does a child pick him up with no effort?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"THAT'S NOT MONARCH!"

TITLE: Countdown: Arena (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Scott McDaniel (penciller).

DISSECTION: This one was reported by Dominik B., and I can't believe I missed it. Monarch's mask eye-slits are showing normal eyes and skin through them, when they should be silver, as in Captain Atom's.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"SEE! IT'S NOT EVEN THE SAME GUY ONE MOMENT TO THE OTHER!"

TITLE: Countdown: Arena (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Guy Major (colorist).

DISSECTION: Major manages to color Monarch's eyes (incorrectly drawn by McDaniel, see above) blue in one panel, and brown two panels down.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"UNA COSTUME, UNA VEZ MAS..."

TITLE: Countdown To Infinite Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 21.

CULPRIT: Jamal Igle (penciller)

DISSECTION: Una's costume is drawn incorrectly, wrong boots, wrong bracelets. There's a couple more dissections not worth mentioning; in fact, I wasn't even going to mention this one, but then I noticed I wasn't mentioning any Countdown To Infinite Crisis dissections.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"I RAN SO FAST I LOST THEM..."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Dale Eaglesham (penciller).

DISSECTION: Jay Garrick's boots are missing the little wings. Also, on a separate dissection, Ted Grant's hair is once more colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"THEY'LL NEVER DISCOVER US!"

TITLE: Lobster Johnson: The Iron Prometheus (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: Mike Mignola (writer) and Jason Armstrong (artist).

DISSECTION: Nazi spies with a swastika tattooed on the palm on their hands? Yup, very stealthy.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"GIANT LIZARDS? RIGHT, AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME THERE'S ALSO UNDERSEA CIVILIZATIONS!"

TITLE: The Order V2 (I was previously unaware of an existing book named The Order, from 2002) (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: A car is totally wrecked in a highway, and the driver said it was done by a giant lizard man, and superheroes (one wearing a mecha armor, and another carrying a pseudomagical hammer) don't believe her at all. In the Marvel Universe. Right.

Also, this week's "Nick Fury's Files" are about the Fantastic Four, and contain the usual crap.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"MURDER SHE WROTE, BUT YOU DIDN'T READ IT."

TITLE: The Trials Of Shazam (DC).

ISSUE: 10 of 12.

CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).

DISSECTION: Freddy Freeman and his guide call on Zatanna to help them find clues on a crime scene, and only after her magic reveals nothing, they see a large-ass message he wrote in his own blood...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"ULTIMATE DISSECTION!"

TITLE: The Ultimates V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Joe Madureira (artist).

DISSECTION: Dissect me this, dissect me the following image (no, it's not Cap's tiny head).


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"DRESSED FOR BATTLE."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 493.

CULPRIT: Billy Tan (penciller).

DISSECTION: So, the Sentinels attack while Warpath and Hepzibah (the X-Men needed another furry besides Beast? I guess is for those who like furry-chicks) are in bed; Warpath jumps right at the mechas in his PJ pants, knives ready (I guess he sleeps with them under the pillow, or Hepbzibah likes it rough). Hepzibah growls while she clutches the covers close to her chest, seeming to be naked at least from the waist up.

Then, after two pages, and what seems to be only five to ten seconds later, she's jumping through the air (shooting a regular shotgun, instead of some fancy space gun), completely clothed, wearing her top, pants and boots, and even her headband (ok, the headband I understand, you wouldn't want your hair in your face while you fight).

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"WHO THE HELL GAVE ME SHORTS?"

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 493.

CULPRIT: Billy Tan (penciller).

DISSECTION: I shouldn't even be writing up this one, under the new "policy", but what the hell. Rockslide is wearing a shirt, when his costume is shirtless; plus he's wearing short pants and no boots (don't remember if he actually wore boots, but he sure as hell wore pants, not cycling shorts).

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"HULK SMASH! HULK REBUILD!"

TITLE: World War Hulk: Aftersmash.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Rafa Sandoval (penciller).

DISSECTION: Iron Man sends Damage Control to use the old Avengers Mansion as headquarters, as the sub-levels survived the destruction of the mansion in Disassembled. Problem is, they show the mansion standing, with just a few cracks and broken walls.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"IRON MAN KILLED HIM, AND NOW HE WANTS TO MAKE IT UP BY GIVING HIM UNDUE CREDIT?"

TITLE: World War Hulk: Aftersmash.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak (writer).

DISSECTION: Tom Foster, nephew of the late Goliath, gets a hold of equipment in the Avengers Mansion and cracks the growth formula his uncle used. Tony Stark (while he's getting his ass kicked by Foster) says "So you cracked your uncle's growth formula.", but that was Hank Pym's formula Bill Foster used, not his own.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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Even counting the dissections I didn't go into detail, we only had 17 in total for this week (comics released on 12-05); but they fetched a passable average score of 6.3 Bazzars. You want to know which were the Moments Of The Week? The first one comes from the Best Book of the week, All-New Atom #18, when Wonder Woman presents Atom with a gift (that she'd kept inside her cleavage, so even if it was a paper clip, it's valuable):


Hell yeah, the JLA needs an Atom! Next up, Batmen from alternate universes size each other up:


Yup, there's something to be said for high-collared Batmen. Next, one of those moments that make me cringe:


Yes, that is baby Kal-El in Krypton, DC is completely crapping themselves on the definitive Superman origin (Man Of Steel, by John Byrne, in case you're wondering), and dresses Lara as a Beatles groupie and Jor-El in a House of El body glove. Ech.... And last, but not least, it's sexual innuendo from Apokolips!


"This will teach you to mess with Granny. YOU WILL LOVE GRANNY!!! TAKE GRANNY'S LOVE UP THE ARSE!!!" *cough* Sorry, channeling Apokolips tough love... That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!