The Dissector #193.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"(...) a trip to the zoo? I like to watch the monkeys. Wild screaming, throwing poop... and sometimes the monkeys join in!" Rag Doll, Action Comics #896.

First column of 2011, but last column about 2010 books (barring a straggler or two that I might receive down the line), I hope everybody had a good new year celebration; this column was almost ready last week, but I had some work come up and couldn't finish it. We'll have the Autopsy Awards nominees very soon, so be ready to vote. Last column's DT! was solved by Donald313, who correctly noted that even with comic book science, ice plus fire don't make instantaneous rust.

There wasn't much worth looking at this week, cover-wise, but I had to choose one, so this piece by Jock for Detective Comics #872. Best Book Of The Week was The Flash V3 #8. It didn't blow my head off, but as usual, Geoff Johns tells a solid story, with a compelling origin for the Reverse Flash. While I'd prefer original book artist Francis Manapul in charge of the visuals, Scott Kolins does a good job. Worst Book Of The Week was Justice Society Of America V3 #46... it just reads very disjointed, and the just doesn't cut it for me either.

The Rundown: Action Comics (Catman's eyes are colored wrong), Angel (Angel does not have blue eyes), Astonishing Spider-Man/Wolverine (Adamantium or not, Wolverine cannot cut through a bank vault in one swipe), Batman: The Dark Knight (Croc should be in Arkham, or escaped, not able to say "you got nothing on me", Alfred's eyes should be blue, and the Penguin doesn't look like he does here), Blackest Night (Director's Cut) ("Alexandor" Luthor), Captain America V2 (Nomad's eyes are wrong, then right, and the Black Widow's are wrong), Chaos War: X-Men (Madrox never referred to his power as "cloning power", and Banshee's eyes should be blue), Detective Comics (wrong bat emblem, accented letter), Green Lantern V4 (wrong badge on Hal), Justice League Of America/The 99 (Firestorm's powers have nothing to do with "energy waves" and "isolating and tracking frequencies"), Justice Society Of America V3 (someone ask who Doctor Chaos is after receiving a note... which was anonymous... accented letter too), New Mutants V3 (Karma's eyes shouldn't be blue), Osborn (Norman's eyes shouldn't be brown; and I'll ignore the changes to green...).
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"NOBODY TOLD ME SHIT!"

TITLE: The Avengers V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: There is absolutely no way that Reed Richards wouldn't know that Black Bolt is dead. Nova has been on Earth, Hank Pym and his previous Mighty Avengers team have been on Attilan, Reed and other characters have ways of knowing this stuff...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"MOVING."

TITLE: The Avengers V4 (Marvel)

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: why the fuck do the Illuminati go to the Himalayas as "the previous site of Attilan"??!?!?! And why didn't Black Bolt transfer his Infinity Gem to the Moon when they moved there... YEARS AGO?!?!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"JOES CAN'T READ TOO WELL."

TITLE: G.I. Joe (IDW).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).

DISSECTION: Dear comic book writers, "physiognomy" does not mean the same as "physiology" or "anatomy". In case you're too lazy to click on links or crack open a fucking dictionary, here are the definitions of "physiognomy":

1. the face or countenance, esp. when considered as an index to the character: a fierce physiognomy.
2. Also called anthroposcopy. the art of determining character or personal characteristics from the form or features of the body, esp. of the face.
3. the outward appearance of anything, taken as offering some insight into its character: the physiognomy of a nation.

It is not, I repeat, NOT, a word that you can use to refer to mutant physiology/anatomy (like I dissected before on an X-Men book), nor a word you can use to refer to the digitized information of a person's body for teleportation... WORDS ARE YOUR FRIENDS!!! THEY LIVE INSIDE DICTIONARIES!!! AND NOW, THEY'RE EVEN INSIDE THE INTERNET!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, "rojo bandidos" is not a correct expression in Spanish. Even using the Google translator would have given you the correct way to write it, Dixon.
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"HEROIC AGE: HANDBOOK FUCK UPS ARE STILL IN SEASON!"

TITLE: Heroic Age: Heroes (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: I don't even know how to start, or rather how to quantify the dissections in this book. This is a profiles handbook, and, for some reason, perhaps due to being written in-universe by Steve Rogers, the usual Marvel Handbook power meters are not used. Instead, a power grid consisting of the following attributes is used: power, conscience, altruism, wisdom, courage, determination, free will, and vulnerability (in a scale from 1 to 10).

Apparently, Hoskin and his writers have no idea what many of these words mean... apart from some other minor dissections, look at how some characters are measured according to those attributes:

• Beast has an altruism of 9, while Angel, Reed Richards, Mockingbird, NAMORA, COLLECTIVE MAN, RADIOACTIVE MAN, Thor, Longshot, and JIMMY WOO have 10??!?!?!?!?!?
• Wolverine has a 5 altruism? Toro (the new bull-mutated kid, not the WWII Kid Torch) has a 7?
• Paladin (a mercenary) has an altruism of 7, same as Northstar, and more than Moon Knight? And Elixir, a healer gets 5?
• A-Bomb has a power of 8, while Angel has a 7, and American Eagle an 8. In what world are those characters of comparable power?

Vulnerability seems to be a mixture of physical and mental/emotional vulnerability, and even if you mix up the words "vulnerability" "invulnerability", switching the ends of the spectrum, it's still very fucked up:

• A-Bomb and American Eagle have the same rating, 8; and Angel a 6... making Angel less vulnerable than those two? Or only two points more vulnerable?
• Asgardians as a race have a vulnerability of 6. The same as Angel and Luke Cage.
• Captain Britain has a vulnerability of 2... if it's a physical attribute, he's not that resistant, if it's a mental/emotional attribute, his insecurities are not reflected.
• Despite his looks, the Thing is one of the most mentally stable characters in the whole Marvel universe, not to mention one of the most powerful, physically speaking. Then why does he get a vulnerability rating of 6?
• Darwin, one of the most unbalancedly powerful characters in the X-teams, has a vulnerability of 5, when he's basically indestructible?

This is delicate... Normally, a detail like this wouldn't score too high; but because this is a handbook, the attributes in the power grid are a basic part of the book. Furthermore, it's done by Steve Rogers, who's one of the better judges of character and tactical minds in the Marvel universe, so these fucked up ratings make him look like an idiot. So, what I'm going to do, is register two 10 Bazzars dissections for how horrible used the "altruism" and "vulnerability" attributes are used; and a 8 Bazzars dissection for the A-Bomb/American Eagle/Angel power levels (most other power levels in the book are basically accurate). Then I will "award" several, lower-rated dissections for the internal inconsistencies of the ratings, and the other, non-power grid dissections.

DISSECT-O-METER: Variable.
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"HEROIC AGE: BEST OF THE REST."

TITLE: Heroic Age: Heroes (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: Just so you know what they were, here's a detailed look at the non-power grid dissections in this book:

• Bengal can't have his origin tied to the Vietnam war anymore, it's not the 80s.
• "1941on" instead of "1941 on", Black Widow's profile.
• Random "TO", like that, in capital letters, in Cyclops profile between paragraphs.
• "Presidential Medal of Freedom" is all in lower case.
• "Helmet" Zemo.
• It's "The Intelligencia", not "The Intel".

DISSECT-O-METER: Variable.
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"OH. MY. GAWD! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!"

TITLE: Heroic Age: Heroes (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: This one was going to be part of the previous list, but it's too outrageous not to stand on its own. Steve Rogers, a 1941 super soldier who was frozen and lives today, fighting along high-tech armored technologists, sorcerers, gods, and super-powerful mutants and metahumans of all kinds, not to mention aliens, robots and random immortals, thinks that it "sounds impossible" that the current Dog Brother #1 was an orphan boy in 1841 Hong Kong. Yeah. Right.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. You don't even have to be an actual writer and understand the Steve Rogers character to realize that saying something like that within the context of the Marvel universe is just plain ridiculous.
<-------------------------------->
"UNDECIDED."

TITLE: Heroic Age: Villains (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: This book didn't have power or other ratings such as the Heroes one, so it wasn't that badly flawed. Still, there were some errors (there's a list in the next dissection), the worst one being Steve Rogers writing about Baron Zemo (Helmut, not Helmet :) that he's not sure if he's a hero or a villain. I don't care if this Zemo has done some good, how can Steve write "I can't tell whose side he is on other than he's own. (...) the humanitarian within himself (...) I've thought long and hard about which area he should be filed, be it heroic or villainous (...)"... Really? You need to ask, Steve?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"VILLAINS: LISTED."

TITLE: Heroic Age: Villains (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator).

DISSECTION: A list of small writing and editing mistakes:

• The word "headache" should not start with a capital "H".
• Cutthroat's relationship to his sister, and how much Steve respects the latter takes up most of the villain's entry, but they never mention his real name, or who his sister is (Diamondback). In fact, since these are not actual profiles but more like Steve's notes on each character or organization, unless he mentions it in the text, you don't have each character's real name. It's not something that's needed for most entries, but in this case, the text should have included who his sister is.
• The Kingpin entry includes comments about Matt Murdock using his abilities as a lawyer to make sure he goes to jail... but the Hand entry in the same book talks about Matt being out of control as leader of the ninja cult. Lack of internal consistency...
• Norman Osborn was not made head of S.H.I.E.L.D., that agency was disbanded and a new agency, US-only, H.A.M.M.E.R., was created.
• Daimon "Hellstrrm".

DISSECT-O-METER: Various.
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"GASP FROM THE PAST."

TITLE: JLA V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 57.

CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer).

DISSECTION: This one's too easy:


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"UNDERWATER PAST II."

TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Stuart Moore (writer).

DISSECTION: So, the X-Men's Loa is the grand-niece of a woman Namor dated in the 40s. It's 2010, and Loa's father seems to be, at most, in his mid-40s (and I'm being generous), while she's 15-16. Loa's father is present when Namor last visits his girl in 1947, a newborn baby... which would make him 60. Yeah... um... no. While it could be possible, the guy, a normal human, looks like he's a 20-something.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Namor should have grey eyes, not blue, and he wasn't wearing that costume a couple of years ago when Loa's powers manifested.
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"THE TIMELINE IS BROKEN."

TITLE: S.H.I.E.L.D. (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Hickman (writer).

DISSECTION: Nathaniel Richards (father of Reed Richards) abandons his family and Howard Stark (Tony Stark's father) fakes his death, both to better pursue their mission as members of the Brotherhood of the Shield... in 1951. So, assuming Reed and Tony are 12 and 10... they're in their sixties now? (And I'm being generous, since Tony was a teenager when he was left legally orphaned, and Reed's father disappeared only three years before the FF got their powers.)

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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2010 ends with an average of 6.4 Bazzars in 58 dissections (or at least, the last week of comics ends like that). Let's go with the Moments Of The Week, shall we? First up, Norman Osborn is almost free again, and he has a new posse:


Be scared... very scared. Next, what's up with Colossus costume?


Ass cleavage, really? And watch out:


Spidey has been replaced by a Xenomorph!!! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #182.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"''Smoking while pregnant may seriously harm your baby's health'' I make a point of only buying packets with this warning... I figure the odds are it won't affect me. Though with my lifestyle, I can't rule it out." John Constantine, Hellblazer: City Of Demons #1.

Eventually, I will catch up... but not right now. Here's the column for comics released on 10/13 (mostly), so let's get on with it. Last column's DT!, or at least the gist of it, was cracked by Donald313... the problem is that the timeline in that Fantastic Four scene didn't fit. The problem is with the sliding timescale. The Fantastic Four got their powers at most 15 years ago; so if you make this 20 years ago, having Sue be 19 then and 39 now (a big stretch, because she shouldn't be 39, in Marvel's terms), sound files being something so outlandish would be stupid. There were other sound file formats in 1990; not mp3s exactly yet, at least not yet public; but the tech has existed for a long time... plus, they're wearing bell bottoms... both of them... I mean, you could have just worded the scene differently to achieve the same result, without fucking up continuity, know what I mean?

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Iron Man Legacy #7; good script by Fred Van Lente, nice art by Steve Kurth. I enjoy seeing The Pride in action, and Iron Man building himself up from his own broken pieces. Worst Book Of The Week? Well, Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Outsiders... geez, this series of one-shots is a failure. Bruce Wayne wearing power armor? The armor doesn't even have consistent powers or limits across the different one-shots; and how could anyone who knows Bruce be unable to notice it's him in that "Insider" suit? FOR GOD'S SAKE, HE'S GOT BAT-BLADES IN HIS GLOVES, A YELLOW UTILITY BELT, AND EVEN SORT-OF-BATARANGS!!! Worst of all, having read all the books now; only Katana, Oracle, and R'as notice on their own? Yes, the others suspect something, but Dick would notice faster than any of the others... The Outsiders book in particular has very bad art, and the writing, like in the rest of this series, leaves a lot to be desired.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: Black Cat (writer and editors retracted themselves from this, but in previous issues they'd referred as Felicia Hardy's dad as "The Cat", when he never used that or any codename... except, and they didn't mention this, in the Spider-Man animated series of the 90s...), Angel Vs. Frankenstein II ("incnetive" cover?), B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth New World (why announce a new numbering if you keep the old?), Booster Gold V2 (Zamarons are not yellow-skinned humans... not even before revealing their true shape), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Catwoman (Selina's eyes are colored incorrectly), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Outsiders (all signs and writing in Markovia is in English), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Batman And Robin ("niow" instead of "now"), Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Batgirl (Damian is not a public member of the Wayne family, he shouldn't be making public appearances with them), Captain America: Forever Allies (inconsistent lettering in the "next month" page), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (wrong badges and rings), Incredible Hulks (Beast looks wrong), Iron Man: Titanium! (accented letters), JSA 80-Page Giant 2010 (several costume and hair and eye coloring errors), Shadowland (someone should teach artists how sai are gripped), Spike: The Devil You Know (San "Fransisco"?), Strange Tales II (Wolverine's eyes should be blue, not brown), Superman V1 (Perry's eyes are colored wrong), Titans V2 (I understand giving Ray Palmer blue eyes, even though they should be brown... but blond hair? Also, Arsenal's eyes are wrong, and Batman's belt and gloves), Untold Tales Of Blackest Night (Hal's badge, and... since when is Donna Troy Cassie Sandsmark's mentor?), Warlord Of Mars (the writer can't keep the names of the Martian characters right), X-Men V3 (sai grip, dammit, sai grip).
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"SHOW ME THE SHAPE OF YOUR... TRACER."

TITLE: Bruce Wayne: The Road Home - Red Robin (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Fabian Nicieza (writer) and/or Ramon Bachs (penciller).

DISSECTION: Not a bad issue; but nothing to write home about. My problem? The tracer Dick planted on Vicki Vale's bag was NOT shaped like a bat, yet now, for this series of one-shots, it is.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"NEW DISSECTION FOREVER."

TITLE: New Mutants Forever (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Al Rio (penciller).

DISSECTION: So, what gives?


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"... THE SIZE OF MANHATTAN."

TITLE: New Mutants Forever (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: From the same man that gave us a Starjammer starship the size of Manhattan, and a coal-powered diesel train engine... now Warlock's made of "the primal substance of a star" and able to survive "temperatures hoter than the surface of the sun"??!?!?! Since when??!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Poppycock, Chris, poppycock. Also, there are several small accented letters, and I will NOT go with your "Nova Roma is in the Andes" idiocy, Chris.
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"THE UNWRITTEN CREATED BY MIKE CARREY AND PETER GROSE."

TITLE: The Unwritten (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: It's a story about writing and writers; and a journalist says "Hunter S. Thomson" instead of "Thompson"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"I'M A BEAST, I DON'T UNDERSTAND TECHNOLOGY."

TITLE: X-Campus (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Francesco Artibani (writer) or Luigi Mutti (translator).

DISSECTION: "Gigaterabytes of nanites"? What? You either have gigabytes, or terabytes... and nanites are physical nanobots; not information, data... which is what you measure in bytes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars each. Beast also refers to "the Sanskrit", and Logan's eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"MEDICAL SCIENCE, WHO CARES?"

TITLE: X-Campus (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Roberto Di Salvo (writer) or Luigi Mutti (translator).

DISSECTION: You can't have "anemic hemorrhage", you can have "hemorrhagic anemia". The term they used makes no medical sense.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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That's odd... despite several "10" ratings, the average was only 6.8 Bazzars in fifty dissections. Well, not important. Now, Cover Of The Week, from Tomb Of Terror, by Travel Foreman and Nathan Fairbairn:


Good job evoking the covers of those old horror books. Now, Moments Of The Week, first up Brainiac 5 does think of others:


Not too highly, but he does... Next, a robot with a sense of humor:


... and the correct laughter. Then, where is the Council Of The Spiders hiding?


My own backyard? Next, John Constantine, good neighbour:


He takes care of your mom! And Tony Stark...


pwnd! And who's Doctor Fate cribbin’ from?


Dr. Strange? Shame on you, Fate. And to finish this column, a peak at Kate Beaton's hilarious Spidery/Craven story for Strange Tales II:


I just love the faces she draws... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #157.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"(...) you're fools... and, man, I PITY you!" Bosco "B.A." Baracus, A-Team-War Stories: B.A.

Yes, that quote's from 03/24, but I just got it now, and there wasn't anything that caught my eye from 03/31, which is the week this column covers. JohnnyDoe cracked the DT! from last week; Ares' corpse in Asgard's "triage room" looked nothing like it should after the Sentry "broke it". Badge for JD.

Best Book Of The Week was Hellblazer #265, nothing particularly special, but I enjoyed Simon Bisley's art, in a more polished style than usual, and Milligan's script was a good read too. Nice send off for Malcom McLaren. Worst Book Of The Week was Outsiders #28, I'm not sure why I still read this crap. DiDio, stick to editorial duties.

The Rundown! Adventure Comics V1 (Colossal Boy's eye color is wrong, and so are Matter Eater Lad's gloves), The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Juggernaut's eyes are the wrong color, "Michele", and "Amana" Conner), Detective Comics (Veronica Cale's eye color is wrong), Gotham City Sirens (Riddler's hair color is wrong), Justice League Of America V2 (Batman's chest and belt emblems are wrong, and the chest one changes between pages; Blackest Night is over, and Aquaman and the Martian Manhunter are referred to as still dead), New Mutants V3 (accented letters), X-Men: Second Coming (the X-Mansion is too "intact", Psylocke's eyes are colored incorrectly), X-Men Forever V2 (Ro's eyes are white while she's not using her powers, Daisy Dugan's eyes start out green, then they're blue, then they're green again; Nick Fury's eye is colored incorrectly; Beast has normal eyes first, then blank eyes next; accented letter). Dissections?
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"EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM."

TITLE: Blackest Night (DC).

ISSUE: 08 of 08.

CULPRIT: Alex Sinclair (colorist).

DISSECTION: Well, apart from Hal's badge being wrong several times (including both covers), and other Lantern badges and rings being wrong too; which was all expected, there's a series of coloring errors by Sinclair (who had nothing to do with the art mistakes). Carter Hall, Ronnie Raymond, and Boston Brand all have blue eyes, but Sinclair decides they all have brown eyes... and to boot, gives Hawkman black hair, when his hair is brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for each coloring dissection.
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"CLOAK AND MARRIOTT."

TITLE: Cloak and Dagger V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mark Brooks (penciller).

DISSECTION: Dagger goes to her quarters on Utopia... and they look like a large apartment or house, with perfect wood floors, expensive looking furniture, kitchen appliances, and even doors leading into other rooms. Really? When everybody, including Cyclops, has been shown living in small, utilitarian quarters on Utopia?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Rockslide also has details drawn into his eyes, when they should just be blank, and Dr. Nemesis hair, which should be grey, is colored a bright yellow.
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"I CAN'T COUNT TOO GOOD."

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts (IDW).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Zander Cannon (writer).

DISSECTION: Now, Zander Cannon (whose name still sounds AWESOME) wrote a nice miniseries; which could have been shorter, granted, but still was TNGish enough to be an episode of the show; and Javier Aranda's art in this issue, while ugly, is technically correct enough to make me think he probably grew hands or got cybernetic replacements. Makes me think of a Star Trek roleplayer who had a character with "positronic hands"... ignoring the fact that what was positronic about Data was HIS BRAIN, and it was a feature related to artificial intelligence, NOT HANDS!!!

... but I ramble. In this last issue, Geordi is getting some numerical data from one of the aliens-of-the-week-from-the-planet-of-the-week (Allios IV), to solve a technical conundrum posed by a specific piece of technology developed in that planet. He can't make heads or tails of the numbers he's being fed, and struggles to understand them, and after a great deal of effort... realizes the aliens, who have six fingers on each hand, use a base-12 number system. Yes, Geordi, a professional engineer, who is one of the best Starfleet and the entire Star Trek universe has to offer, only realizes that about a civilization whose technology he's been studying for what seems to be days? Even if it's just hours, THE FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT WHEN STUDYING SOMETHING LIKE THAT, SO HEAVILY DEPENDING ON NUMBERS, IS WHAT SYSTEM THEY USE!!!

Me, I'm ashamed I never realized the aliens had six fingers on each hand, and it was never mentioned before. But it'd be in the first page of whatever Wikipedia entry Geordi consulted about this planet.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Data's rank insignia are wrong, showing him as just a Lieutenant, Chief O'Brien is also a Lieutenant, and his eyes are colored wrong.
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"GENERATIONS..."

TITLE: Superman & Batman: Generations (DC).

ISSUE: TPB (originally from issue #3 of the mini, I believe).

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer... and penciller, inker, letterer, book stapler, delivery boy, comic book shop owner, buyer, reader, reviewer). Seriously, just the first three, and as writer for this dissection.

DISSECTION: An old one, from a 1999 mini (and its 2000 TPB), as a DT! Since I didn't have a good one from current comics, I went into my Vault. This should be easy, and I'm ashamed of Byrne, as much as I love his work.


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, colorist Trish Mulvihill gives Lex Luthor blue eyes, when he has green ones.
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Average this week was 6.7 Bazzars in thirty-seven dissections. High, at least within the usual range. Cover Of The Week isn't really that much, but since there weren't any impressive covers this week, I settled on this one:


Nice work, as usual, by Jan Duursema, it'll certainly not be a nominee for Cover Of The Year, but it's pretty to look at, and better than the rest of the covers from this week. The first Moment Of The Week is from the Blackest Night finale:


Scary! And from the same book, something that was predictable, but still pretty cool:


I just noticed the Martian Manhunter has pants, but no shirt. What gives? Now, still in DC, but in Vertigo, generational gaps:


I feel like that sometimes around my younger friends or co-workers. And a Marvel moment as a finish:


Nice little exchange between Cyclops and Nightcrawler. Too bad their understanding didn't last much... Nightcrawler learned about the current's X-Force license to kill soon after this. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #155.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Look at them, Glory... 129 new taxpayers all. Officially. Every new citizen is like a tiny Monopoly man with an accent." Hizzoner J. Jonah Jameson, Mayor Of New York, during a US citizen naturalization ceremony, The Amazing Spider-Man #625.

Welcome to the column for comics released on 03/10. Sadly, the DT! from last week wasn't cracked, so I'll have to tell you. The problem with that panel was that Patriot and Black Marvel are lifting what looks to be a 105mm Howitzer M2A1 artillery piece (aka M101 Howitzer), which weights 2260 kg; and if it's another type of howitzer, even more... but neither character has superstrength, or any other superpowers for that matter.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was The Amazing Spider-Man #625; with good art by Max Fiumara and a touching story by Joe Kelly. What happens is what we all knew would happen, but at least I hoped it wouldn't: the original Rhino's wife is killed by the newcomer, and that leads him to become the Rhino again and blame Spider-Man for all his woes... Worst Book Of The Week was the X-23 one-shot, unappealing art, and an unnecessary and convoluted story.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (eye colors wrong, including some that change between pages, one name incorrect), American Vampire (ñ and accented letter), Avengers Vs. Atlas (Pym's eyes are not green, and he's not a physicist), Batman (Batman's gloves and chest/belt emblems are wrong, with the chest emblem even changing between pages), Dark Avengers (Norman's eyes), Doctor Who (the Doctor's sonic screwdriver is wrong on the cover), Green Arrow V4 (Ollie's wearing the costume from Smallville on the cover), Green Lantern Corps V2 (assorted badges and rings are wrong), Hulk V3 (Banner's eyes are colored wrong; as are Cyclop's boots), The Incredible Hulk V1 (Banner's eyes), Nation X (for some reason, Wolverine has brown hair and eyes, and Magneto's boots and gauntlets look like they did in the 60s), Nova V4 (accented letter), Siege (Norman's eyes), Spider-Man & The Secret Wars (eye color wrong on Doom and Reed), Spider-Woman V4 (Spider-Man's chest emblem is missing for a page), Supergirl V6 (Matter-Eater Lad's hair is wrong, as are Projectra's gloves; and someone's got blank eyes), Superman 80-Page Giant V2 (Green Arrow's costume is wrong, and why do Clark and Lois have separate single beds?), Titans V2 (Speedy's hat is wrong), X-23 V2 (Jubilee and X-23 get their eyes colored incorrectly), X-Factor Forever (Archangel's eyes are missing, Trish Tilby's eyes should be blue, Master "Meld", and Gammenon The "Gather"), X-Men: Legacy (accented letters). And, of course, your dissections:
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"ALL OF YOUR BASES BELONG TO US."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 154.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: When I meant to say "there are advanced cybernetics technology in the DCU", I missed the word "are". Thanks to Donald313 for spotting that, and badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"SEA PANTHERS."

TITLE: Doomwar (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Maberry (writer).

DISSECTION: Wakanda, a landlocked country (although it borders with Azania and Kenya through Lake Turkana, formerly Lake Rudolf), is said by the Dora Milaje to have a navy 30,000 strong... What? Numbers, numbers... navies from landlocked countries include the Azerbaijani Navy (2,200 strong), and the Bolivian Naval Force (5,000). Then there's other, more famous navies like the French Navy (with 42,866 soldiers and 7,200 civilians), or the Royal Navy of the UK (42,600 active personnel and 38,510 reserve personnel). Or if you want smaller, or poorer countries, you've got the 42,000 strong Royal Moroccan Navy Force... but Morocco has a large coastline.

Why would Wakanda, a landlocked country which is one of the most advanced (if not the most) country in the planet, and only a tiny lake to sail have a navy almost the same size as the French navy? Lake Turkana (sometimes called the Jade Sea) has little more than a tenth of the surface of Lake Michigan (6,000 square km against 58,000), a little less than half of its average depth (30 meters against 85), and about a third of its maximum depth (109 meters against 281). Yes, some landlocked countries keep part of their navies stationed in ports belonging to other countries; but that doesn't make much sense for Wakanda, a traditionally isolationist nation.

If you want to exaggerate, give them a 5,000 strong navy (like my country's) and arm them with the advanced technology all Wakandan troops have. Thirty thousand is just a random number Maberry pulled out of his head.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. I wanted to give it a higher rating, but it doesn't really affect the story or go against anything already established in continuity... just against common sense. Also, Doom and Nightcrawler have their eyes colored incorrectly. Oh, and I just noticed that colorist Jean-François Beaulieu has his name spelled incorrectly as "Jean-Francois".
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"GREEN WRONGNET."

TITLE: Green Hornet: Year One (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 01

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: Oh my... a Dynamite book written by Wagner, lettered by Bowland, and one that includes a character who is not American. Of course it's riddled with mistakes, but not on a Zorro level. I'll list them, anyway:

French: Poorly constructed French dialogue, including "francais" instead of "français", accented letters.

English: "Comprehesion", "compostition", and "emporer".

Japanese (Romanized): "Saumrai".

For fuck's sake, Wagner, you're a good writer, what's this all about?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each. The art is pretty good, but this doesn't stop penciller Campbell from drawing a mysteriously floating duffel bag resting on Britt's shoulder.
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"HERCULES: DISSECTION OF AN AVENGER."

TITLE: Hercules: Fall of an Avenger (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).

DISSECTION: Apart from numerous coloring errors (including giving Amadeus Cho blue eyes), there's this:


Spot it, so commands Zeus!

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. You know what, it's actually a double one, in addition to what you need to spot, Hercules' costume is wrong.
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"SMELL LIKE IRON."

TITLE: L.A. Times Online (or possibly, Diesel).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Unknown.

DISSECTION: It seems that Diesel has launched an Iron Man 2 cologne, based on their "Only The Brave" fragrance. Do they want you to smell like engine oil and vodka?

You know what's funny? The article says the box has early Iron Man comics on it; but those panels are from the current Iron Man title, Invincible Iron Man, and Iron Patriot, Victoria Hand, the Black Widow, and Maria Hill.

Hopefully, the L.A. Times didn't actually have a picture of the box and they made a mock up of it; with the wrong comics. It'd be terrible if Diesel actually stuck Norman Osborn.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. I know I don't usually report stuff that's not on actual comics, with the exception of Wizard Magazine or my own blog... but this was too much to let it slide.
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"TO STOP THEM! FAST!"

TITLE: The Torch (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 08.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (script).

DISSECTION: Ezequiel and Donald313 alerted me to some dissections in this book; a title I dropped after the first issue. Donald313 noticed some wrong German text that's incorrect; in one someone says "Aufhalten Sie! Schnell!". That´s like saying "To stop them! Fast!" It should be "Haltet sie auf!"

Ezequiel, on the other hand, noticed an accented letter that's smaller than it should be, and the Fantastic Four referred to as the "Cuatros Fantásticos", when it should be "Cuatro Fantásticos". I noticed some more dissections, since I took the time to read the issue. There's German text inside translation brackets, and there's another accented letter that's smaller than it should be... when three speech balloons before it's regular-sized. Finally, a character says "That's the Herr Doktor", which obviously has an extra "the".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each. Badges for both HDSC members.
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"DISCO DAZZLER ROGUE NIGHTCRAWLER PRETTY SAILOR PAINT ME NOW!"

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Graham Nolan (penciller) and Guillem Mari (colorist).

DISSECTION: Rogue has absorbed Nightcrawler's powers and physical features; leaving Nightcrawler looking human... and with Rogue's powers; which work on anyone but her. When Kurt touches Xavier, both of them are enveloped in a brilliant flash of yellow light, which Jean recognizes as "Rogue's power signature". Since when is Rogue's power signature a Dazzler show?!??!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. There are also several eye colors wrong.
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A 6.4 Bazzars in eighty-four dissections, quite a number of dissections this week. Cover Of The Week stays within the same family, but this time it's by Marko Djurdjevic:


Simple, yet effective, reminiscent of a boxing or wrestling match poster. Now, Moments of The Week, full of Siege... but first, some Blackest Night:


Yeah, that's a Tholian web, and Guy Gardner is a trekkie! Then, old lovers share memories about Hercules:


Northstar? Well, Hercules was an ancient Greek hero... Then, Grant Morrison's acid dreams deliver:


Dwarven pirates in submarines!!! And after these entrées, the Siege main course:


With a beef of "Asgard shattered"...


... a dressing of "you're under arrest"...


... and a side of "you had that one coming". That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector Special #08: Autopsy Awards 2009 Winners.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)


Thank you all for voting; here are your choices (and mine, hey, I voted first!) for the Autopsy Awards 2009:
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Best Writing Dissection:

Without a doubt, and by a landslide (73% of votes), the winner is:

W01-"RED LIGHTNING!" (The Dissector #108, 01/21/09)

COMMENT: This was a bit surprising; since James Robinson is a good writer, and this is not just sloppy science, but sloppy comic book reading comprehension.

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 683.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: Black Lightning uses his powers against a Kryptonian by surrounding him with lightning and then... CHANGING THE LIGHTNING'S COLOR TO RED, THEREFORE RENDERING THE KRYPTONIAN POWERLES??!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Robinson, Kryptonians are powerless under RED SUNLIGHT, not RED ELECTRICITY!!! Black Lightning has ELECTRIC POWERS not SOLAR POWERS!!!

Robinson also has Starfire absorbing the yellow solar radiation from the Kryptonians to leave them powerless. This, while a stretch of her powers (she never had such control, her solar energy absorption is usually just passive), it's not absurd like what he does with Black Lightning's powers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. No less.
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Best Art Dissection:

Not as comfortable a win (37% of the votes):

A04-"IN-TER-NA-TIO-NAL." (The Dissector #141, 11/27/09)

COMMENT: The level of ignorance involved in this dissection is simply disheartening.

TITLE: War Machine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Wellinton Alves (penciller).

DISSECTION: This is even worse, because if you want to justify the previous dissection, you can always claim "things are different in the Marvel Universe!". In this case, however, there is no excuse. Jim Rhodes stands before a single judge (something that never happens in the ICC as far as I was able to ascertain) in an ICC courtroom (that looks nothing like the real ones)... and there's a US flag to the side of the judge and a US seal behind her.

Why? Why the hell would you do that Alves? INTERNATIONAL. CRIMINAL. COURT. INTERNATIONAL!!!

INTER-FUCKING-NATIONAL!!!

I can understand an American, with the (no offense meant to my American readers) general sense of being the center of the world US citizens have, starting with the fact that they call themselves "Americans", as if they were the only residents of the American continent. But a Brazilian artist? Please Wellinton, use the internet, do some research... Typing three worlds and clicking on three links I found this 360º photographic virtual tour of one of the ICC. And even if you didn't HAVE an internet connection, why in the name of Khan Noonien Singh would you think of putting US symbols in the INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL COURT??!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Of course, there are eye color mistakes and other stuff.
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Best Coloring Dissection:

There wasn't a lot going on in this category:

C04-"DISSECTION MACHINE!" (The Dissector #138, 11/06/09)

COMMENT: The problem here was that the woman is James Rhodes' mother; and she's a black woman... not in the picture.

TITLE: War Machine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Jay David Ramos & Michael Bartolo (colorists).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one is very simple:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Norman's eyes. And please, bring Leonardo Manco back to this book...
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Best Lettering Dissection:

Another majority (50%):

L04-"RŒD TORNADŒ" (The Dissector #132, 09/14/09)

COMMENT: Just sloppy.

TITLE: Red Tornado V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 6.

CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: Okay, this book is only slightly less exciting than the Magog book; but at least it's a mini. The Magog book can only be explained by Keith Giffen wanting to write him and DC letting him... What's the dissection here? Well, Penciller José Luís is credited with an accent in his last name on the cover (while other books have credited without it; the Brazilian spelling has an accent while the Spanish spelling doesn't, and I don't know if he's Brazilian or Hispanic). I can't really confirm a dissection there, and I'm inclined to believe he's Brazilian or even Portuguese...

However, look at what Sal Cipriano did inside of the book:


Man... that's not only wrong, it's not even POSSIBLE. You can't have a dot on the "i" AND an accent. If it wasn't for Simon Bowland's sheer volume of work...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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Best Other Dissection:

This category was kind of slow, too:

O03-"EXAGGERATION, MUCH?" (The Dissector #142, 12/04/09)

COMMENT: Just an example of not paying attention.

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Christos N. Gage (writer) and/or Rachel Pinnelas (assistant editor) & Bill Roseman (editor).

DISSECTION: The intro blurb says "... after Stamford, Connecticut was destroyed..."; but Stamford was not destroyed, a school and surrounding houses in Stamford were destroyed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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Best Quote Of The Year:

Another evenly voted category, and this quote won over the Tarot and KODT ones by a vote. It was just too good, even though I voted for the Atomic Robo quote:

Q06-"We are your gods! And not docile Morgan Freeman God, we're talking full-force, 110% Jack Kirby Gods! With armor and Omega Beams and chess pieces made to look like my enemies!" Wannabe warlocks at a convention, Angel #27. (The Dissector #143, 12/12/09)
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Best Moment Of The Year:

This was just too creepy and shocking:

M02-From Blackest Night #1: This was a very shocking, and creepy moment. (The Dissector #125, 07/29/09)

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Best Cover Of The Year:

By a small margin (the Flash: Rebirth cover was the runner-up, and I voted for that one), Blackest Night does it again:

T04-The below cover for Green Lantern Corps V2 #41 was way too creepy to not be the Cover Of The Week. Patrick Gleason's pencils capture the mandatory spookiness of an undead child; who's at the same time very smug (that smug lil' bastard face makes me think of my son's; who's smarter than most people and knows it). The inks are by Rebecca Buchman; and the colors by Randy Mayor and/or Gabe ElTaeb. (The Dissector #136, 10/23/09)

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Now, for the special awards, those based solely on numbers, or on "special" merit.
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Company With Most Dissections: This time around, it was Marvel (653 dissections), by less than 30 dissections more than DC (629). Very far in quantity was Dynamite (271), but if you consider the amount of Dynamite books I read (Zorro; The Boys, Buck Rogers, and a couple more) and compare them to the dozens of Marvel and DC books I read; then the comparative percentage is much higher. In fact, let me calculate that...

Let's see... In 2009 I read 121 Marvel books (titles, not issues), 100 DC books, and 7, read it, seven, Dynamite books. That makes Marvel a 5.4 ratio, DC a 6.3 ratio, and Dynamite a 38.7 ratio. So Marvel wins the "Company With Most Dissections" award, and Dynamite wins...
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Company With Most Dissections Per Titles Ratio: Of course, with a dissection ratio six or seven times higher than the big two, Dynamite won an award I just came up with. Zorro is your undoing, Dynamite. Oh, and in case you are wondering, Studio Robota, the parent company for The Dissector got fourth place in amount of dissections, with 81 hits; that is, an 8.1 ratio.
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Book With Most Dissections: Second year in a row, Zorro (Dynamite) with 209 dissections (120 more than last year). Runner-ups were The Dissector (Studio Robota) with 81, The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (Dynamite) with 68 (in only a handful of issues), and of course, X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel) closely behind with 63.
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Most Dissected Writer: Matt Wagner wins this again for Zorro (with some Madame Xanadu hits) with 95 dissections (32 more than last year), with myself, MaGnUs (The Dissector) with 81, Chuck Dixon (The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly; GI Joe) with 80, and Chris Claremont (X-Men Forever, GeNext), with only 15 (strange, right?).
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Most Dissected Artist: Ivan Reis (Blackest Night) with 35 (mostly getting Hal Jordan's badge wrong), second place goes, as last year, to Freddie Williams II (Final Crisis Aftermath: Run, JSA All-Stars) with 34, third to Mauro Cascioli (JL: Cry For Justice) with 31 (mostly Hal badges too), and fourth Sean Galloway (Wednesday Comics, Teen Titans story) with 25.
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Most Dissected Colorist: Dave McCaig (Wednesday Comics, Final Crisis: Rogues Revenge, others) with 15, second place to our friend Jeromy Cox (X-Factor, Amazing Spider-Man) with 14, and third place for Pete Pantazis (Trinity, JLA) with 12. No repeats from last year.
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Most Dissected Letterer: Once again, Simon Bowland (Zorro, and others) with 170 dissections (more than three times his count from last year), with second place going to Tom Orzechowski (X-Men Forever, others) with 27, and third to prolific Joe Caramagna (a gazillion books) with 18.
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Most Dissected "Other": Old "friend" of the column Anthony Flamini (Marvel handbooks) with 12, second place shared by editors Lauren Sankovitch (Doctor Voodoo and others) and Stephen Wacker (Spider books) with 5, and third place for Tom Brennan (Spider books) with 3.
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Single Issue With Most Dissections: Zorro #15 (IDW), with 36 dissections. With this, Zorro and IDW also share the "Golden Bonesaw Award" for catastrophic underachievement.
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Cyclone Fashion Award To The Most Mutable Costume: Actually, it goes to Norman Osborn's eyes, for changing contacts all the time (basically EVERY Marvel book).
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May Cervantes Smite You By Strangling You With His Moustache Award: All the bloody accented letters, Ñs, cedilles, etc, that letterers keep making smaller than the rest of the letters in the word.
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Most Annoying Book That Is Still Good To Read Award: Zorro, because as I always say, it's still a great book... if I can hear myself think over the sound of my teeth gritting.
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Creator That I'm Sorry I Have To Dissect Award: Shared by colorist Christina "CeeCee" Strain and letterer (and now writer) Joe Caramagna, for being so awesome that it hurts to dissect them when they slip up. They don't screw up, like Jeromy Cox or Matt Wagner, they slip up.
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Coal-Fueled Diesel Trainwreck Issue Award: Legion Of Super-Heroes #50 *draws breath* IT FUCKING SUCKED! DC Comics cancels the book, fucks up Jim Shooter's storyline (by ending the storyline in a hurry, getting an editor to wreck it), and releases a book with a creative team that doesn't match what was promised. "Justin Thyme" writes the book, possibly because Shooter wanted nothing to do with this travesty, and Francis Manapul is pulled out of the project to work on something else, turning the art chores over Ramon Bachs, who ought to have his hands chopped off... or perhaps, it's already happened, the way he draws...

Not only do his characters look hideous, but they also change designs inside the same issue. Actually, I've seen stuff by him before, and it wasn't bad... so this means that he either drew this issue in 15 minutes, while drunk; or that he paid his ten year old nephew to draw it for him. How does DC top this? By saying goodbye with a "We greatly appreciate the support of our loyal readers!" Yeah, that's why you fucked them over with this comic. Thanks!
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Bloody Stumps With Blunt Crayolas Award: Shared by Javier Aranda (Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts), and Ramon Bachs (Legion Of Super-Heroes).

Javier brought us these pearls:

(...) Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts #1 (...) the art by Javier Aranda is simply atrocious. Look below, and even overlooking the large amount of errors (later in the column), I cannot help wondering why, with all the good, and even mediocre artists that probably charge cheap, must art chores be given to people with blunt crayons tied to bloody stumps?


See what I mean? What the hell is wrong with Troi's hair? Why does Picard's head keep changing shapes? Why does Beverly Crusher look like a crash test dummy with a wig? Why do people in general look like characters from a crappy fan comic? *sigh*

Also, I just noticed while searching for Aranda's crap, that back in The Dissector #87 (09/16/08), he did this:


That's the ugliest Superman I've seen in a while...

Ramon Bachs, on the other hand, did that Legion issue from the previous award, and one of the art dissections nominees (the Gazelle one).
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Worst Character Depiction Although You Obviously Have Talent Award: Steven Sanders (S.W.O.R.D.), for doing this to Beast:


Uhm... WHAT??!?!?!? He looks like one of the multiple versions of Star Wars' Bothans.
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Breakout Book Of The Year: Spin Angels (Marvel/Soleil). Wish I'd thought of this category before... ah well, retroactive award for 2007 is for Atomic Robo, and I'll get back to you on 2008.
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Best Character Of The Year: Spider-Man. The Spidey Brain Trust (as the weekly book's writer team calls itself) has managed to make an engaging comic book, while never writing Peter out of character. They remember he's basically a genius, they remember his self-doubt, and his jokes are still bad, but funny.
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Worst Character Of The Year: Magog. Horrible legacy from the nineties, go away!
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Best Event Of The Year: Blackest Night. Well handled, cool visuals, and you don't have to read every single book tie-in to follow it. I particularly liked the fact that "Green Lantern light + Other Color Lantern light" is not the only way to stop the Black Lanterns, allowing writers to get creative (despite a couple of screw ups).
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Worst Event Of The Year: Necrosha. Unnecessary, bland, and came out around the same time as Blackest Night, making it look as a copy (even though I'm sure it wasn't).
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Best Publisher Of The Year: Hands down, DC Comics, with Blackest Night and tons of Legion goodness.
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Worst Publisher Of The Year: Sadly, Dynamite Comics, despite their many good books (Zorro, Boys, etc). Their insensitivity to Spanish readers and utter inability to have their editors correct Matt Wagner on the atrocities he commits on Zorro drove me to write them a complaint, and I'm sure I'm not the only Spanish speaker who has... yet they've done nothing.
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Funniest Book Of The Year: Shared by Comic Book Comics (Evil Twin) for its sheer hilariousness, and Power Girl V2 (DC) for combining fun with great action and sexy, yet not sexist art.
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Best Creator Of The Year: Geoff Johns, for his Green Lantern, Flash, and Legion stuff.
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Worst Creator Of The Year: Javier Aranda. How do editors hire you?
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Worst Book Of The Year: Final Crisis Aftermath: Escape. Hulk V3 actually had one more count as Worst Book Of The Week, but Hulk's sin is being bland and unoriginal. Escape was not only unnecessary (as all the Aftermath minis), a bad The Prisoner rip off, and had hideous art.
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Best Book Of The Year: Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel), Best Book Of The Week twelve weeks in the year (being a weekly book), and a consistently good read.
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That's it for this year; I'll be on the outlook for more nominees, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #152.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Despite all appearances, I think Captain Rogers is trying very hard NOT to die." Admiral Dickins, about Buck Rockers' daredevil stunts, Buck Rogers #9.

"Ionic air propulsion. Electrostatic levitation. Electrogravitics. The Biefeld-Brown Effect and electro-fluid dynamics. Nothing here is invented. It simply appears to be uchronic, counterfactual, sitting in the break of a time out of joint. Everything I tell you is true. It's everyone else who's been lying to you. I am Captain Swing." Captain Swing, London, 1830, Captain Swing And The Electrical Pirates Of Cindery Island #1.

Welcome to the column for books released on 02/24, ending the month of February. Two quotes? Hell yeah, I wanted it to It's not exactly steampunk, more like electricpunk, since there's no actual steam involved, but Warren Ellis has done it again, and he brings Raúlo Cáceres, who already dazzled me in Crécy, as well as his variant covers for other Avatar books. Now, while Doktor Sleepless fizzled and is not as fun as it was originally (and when was the last time it was released?), but this book is only a four issues mini, so no dangers of that. It didn't make book of the week, but it almost did. The quote, in particular, is another incidence of Mage: The Ascension references in comics I've mentioned before, some of them by Ellis himself. And the Buck Rogers quote was just fun!

Still a few days to vote on the Autopsy Awards 2009, no idea when I'll get around to posting the winners, but until I do, your votes still count. Last column's DT! was guessed jointly by JohnnyDoe and Emerre. Emerre said that the bullet held up by Dick is not deformed, as if it never hit a target, and JohnnyDoe added that it looks unfired (with the casing and all). The artist was even kind enough to draw a rectangle around the dissection! :)

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was, and I'm easy to please sometimes, Superman #697. Plain and simple, the Legion Of Super-Heroes in action, and the return of my favorite legionnaire. See the Moments.. for more on that. The Worst Book Of The Week was Teen Titans #80, boring story, confusing dialogue, plain art. That simple.

The Rundown! The Amazing Spider-Man (accented letter), Black Lantern Green Arrow (Hal badge is wrong on the cover and inside the book, Barry's eyes are covered by his mask, and Connor's mother's eyes are blank in a flashback), Blackest Night (the badges for Hal, Kyle, Kilowog and Guy are wrong, and Ganthet's badge changes between panels), Blackest Night: JSA (Alan Scott's emblem is wrong, as well as Atom Smasher's... which looks more like a flower than anything else), God Complex (Raiders Of The Lost "Arc"?), Gotham City Sirens (Riddler's hair is wrong), Justice Society Of America (Alan's emblem is wrong, and Jay's hair is colored incorrectly), Madame Xanadu ("Caeser" was the leader of Rome?), Nation X (character heights are wrong, and eye colors too), Secret Warriors (Nick Fury's eyes are wrong), Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts (Riker's eyes are colored brown instead of blue... and blue for a panel; and a crewmember is missing his rank insignia), Teen Titans V3 ("totake" instead of "to take"), The Marvels Project (Namor's ankle wings are huge), The Flash: Rebirth (Jay's emblem and Hal's badge are wrong), Thor V1 (Volstagg's eyes, which should be blue, are colored green first, then brown), Wizard Magazine ("forward" instead of "foreword", "oseven" instead of "seven", and "speicals" instead of "specials"), Wonder Woman V3 (Power Girl's shoulderpad cape clasp is missing on the cover, then inside the book the leather strap becomes a braided strap, then goes back to leather, gets too thick, and disappears for a panel), X-Force V3 (Selene's eyes). Dissections!
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"LOBE GLOBE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 151.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: In the DT!, I wrote "Batman's globes" instead of "Batman's gloves".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"AUNT MAY, TAKE YOUR MEDS."

TITLE: Spider-Man: The Clone Saga (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Tom De Falco (writer).

DISSECTION: When little May Parker (MJ and Peter's daughter) is kidnapped, Aunt May posits that it can't be for ransom, since Peter and MJ can't pay a lot of money. Right, it's not like MJ has been a famous actress and model.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Aunt May might be senile. Also, the Scarlet Spider's hoodie is colored incorrectly on the cover, as well as Harry and Norman Osborn's eyes.
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"BEAR MOUNTAIN."

TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).

ISSUE: 141.

CULPRIT: Jeff Parker (writer).

DISSECTION: Grizzly, the newest member of the Thunderbolts, is called "Marko" by Paladin; but Grizzly's real name is Maxwell Markham. "Marko" would be Michael Marko, aka Man Mountain Marko, who Jeff Parker has also used in his Agents Of Atlas book, as an ATF agent sent by Norman Osborn after the Atlas Foundation.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, on the roster at the beginning of the book, Headsman's there when he was shot last week, and Grizzly's missing, when he's been on the team for a few issues now.
<-------------------------------->
"COX SUCKER."

TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 202.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

DISSECTION: Attention, rant coming...

Jeromy Cox: Monet St. Croix has brown eyes, not blue or green; Namor's should be grey, not whatever weird color you gave him; Layla Miller's eyes are green, not blue; Reed Richards has brown eyes, not blue ones; and Ben Grimm, usually called "Ever Lovin' Blue Eyed Thing"... yes, you guessed it, has BLUE EYES, NOT BROWN ONES!!!! ALSO, YOU MIGHT WANT TO AVOID COLORING LAYLA LIKE SHE'S MONET, SKIN, HAIR AND COSTUME!!!

Your job is to color these books, and I know it can be a hard, detailed job. But can you at least work with character references in front of you, FOR RAINBOW RAIDER'S SAKE?!?!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: I'm fucking giving 9 Bazzars to each of these, just because of Jeromy's complete inability to color ONE CHARACTER RIGHT. Also, the word "monologuing" is spelled "monologing".
<-------------------------------->
"FOREVER DISSECTION."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Surprisingly, the only two dissections in this issue were a character having blank eyes, and this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
This column ended up with a 6.5 Bazzars in fifty four dissections. I thought it'd be higher. Now, Cover Of The Week comes from Captain Swing:


Nice shot of Captain Swing's ship, and a good cover design to look like a Victorian catalogue. Now, Moments Of The Week, first up, QUISLET RETURNS!!!


WHOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOY!!!! Yeah, my favorite legionnaire is back, HELL YEAH!!! And now, guess which member of the Flash family is not happy about the whole Barry return thing?


Yep, Jai. He's apparently lost his powers, and that face tells me we might that someday in the future, we might have a Rogue who's actually related to the Flashes... Then, more Legion goodness!!


Chameleon's facial expression is downright Kevinmaguiresque, don't you think? Still in DC, artist Cameron Stewart reminds us that Damian Wayne is not completely Caucasian:


Good work, Mr. Stewart. And finally, part of a Wizard article on Kick-Ass


Wow, it's a good thing Vaughn is DRAWING INSPIRATION FROM THE COMIC HE'S BASING HIS MOVIE ON!!! In the immortal words of Chris Rock "You're supposed to, you dumb motherfucker!" That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!