The Dissector #170.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Oh, and it's not a ghost. It's a perturbation of consciousness in a previously unknown incorporeal medium." Dr. Atomic Robo Tesla, about Undead Edison, Atomic Robo And The Revenge Of The Vampire Dimension #4.

Late again, I know, but cut me a break... I'm sad because my vacation is at an end, I go back to work next Monday! Last week's DT! was cracked by David, who earns himself another badge. In the picture I showed, how the hell is Superman carrying Lois Lane? I mean... is she all tensed up, in some sort of super-gymnast pose?!?!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo And The Revenge Of The Vampire Dimension #4... even without any vampires. It features the return of Edison... or the first appearance of Undead Edison (or Undeadison, as I like to call him), and it's the usual perfect mix of humor, pulp, scifi, and just plain good comic book-ery.

Worst Book Of The Week? Heralds #5... last issue of the mini; a story that could have been told in a one-shot, but instead was rammed down our throats one issue a week, and according to Tom Brevoort, the writer and the artists were very ahead in the work, enough to publish it weekly. Yeah... so, apart from the cookie-cutter plot, how do you explain these:



I'll allow for artists not drawing every single face in background characters (but not when one character gets a face, and the one next to that one doesn't), but this is too much. How can those panels be called anything but half-assed? I normally enjoy Kathryn Immonen's work, and Tonci Zonjic's art is good, but this... I don't know. Oh, yeah, I know... it sucks.

The Rundown: Abe Sapien: The Abyssal Plain (translated from "the" Russian?), The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: American Son (Norman's eyes), Angel Negro Especial ("protejer" instead of "proteger"), Astonishing X-Men (Storm's eyes shouldn't be blank if she's not using her powers), Doomwar (wrong military rank for Jim Rhodes), Ghost Projekt (if the Russian characters are talking in Russian, why are they constructing broken sentences?), Invincible Iron Man (Mandarin's eyes should be blue, not green, and why does the obviously Chinese director have green eyes?), Iron Man: Kiss And Kill (Tony Stark drinking booze willingly after he's gone sober? And his middle name is "Edward", not "Edwards"), Joker's Asylum II: Clayface (ridiculous cape and bat ears), Justice League Of America V2 (wrong shape for Alan Scott's lantern), Justice Society Of America V3 (Captain Nazi's medals again, plus they announce JLA #44 for next month), The New Avengers: Luke Cage (Danielle Cage), Prince Of Persia: Before The Sandstorm (accented letter), Spider-Ham 25th Anniversary Special (the cover says "Anniversay"), Thor V1 (accented letters, Wonder Woman V1 (accented letter, and Cassandra Cain acting like she's Stephanie Brown), X-Campus (Caldecott County is not in Georgia, it's in Mississippi; Wolverine's eyes are green in the comic, but blue in the next issue preview), X-Men: Curse Of the Mutants Saga (Weapon Plus was a US project, but Weapon X was an offshoot with US funds, but Canadian management, not just US).
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"ONE, TO, THREE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 169.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: David noticed that I wrote "two", instead of "to", when I dissected Green Lantern Corps... another badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Snakebyte also noticed that I forgot to put a volume number in LSH for the dissections, then I wrote "Mon-El's detailed" instead of "Mon-El's is detailed"; and I also changed the name of X-Men: Second Coming to "X-Men: Second Calling".
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"IRON MAN: KISS AND DISSECT."

TITLE: Iron Man: Kiss And Kill (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Karl Kesel (writer).

DISSECTION: What's wrong here?


DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Also, why is Tony Stark, even undercover, drinking alcohol willingly, in a story that's obviously set in modern times, when he's sober?
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"MARZAL: OUT OF THIS WORLD."

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Sidney noticed that Tyroc's homeworld is listed as "Marzal", when Marzal is an island on Earth (dimensionally shifted, yes, but still on Earth).

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Badge for Sidney, one more and you make Lt. Commander.
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"IDENTITY CRISIS."

TITLE: The New Avengers V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Stuart Immonen (penciller).

DISSECTION: With Clint Barton in his Hawkeye costume, Immonen decided to add Ronin in there for good measure. Tom Brevoort admitted to the error, and said they tried to remove all Ronin's from the pictures before printing, but they missed one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"THE FAMOUS VULCAN ELBOW PINCH."

TITLE: Star Trek: Burden Of Knowledge (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Scott & David Tipton (writers).

DISSECTION: Spock attempts to render one of the muppet-bird aliens unconscious, but their physiology is not similar to the usual humanoid types. According to Spock "... this race lacks a discernible shoulder necessary for the nerve pinch..." SHOULDER??!?!!? It's the Vulcan NECK pinch!!! (Or nerve pinch, I know.)

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"THIS RADIO HAS STATIC."

TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 84.

CULPRIT: Felicia D. Henderson (writer).

DISSECTION: Trying to find Raven in a mystical dimension, the Teen Titans need to come up with a plan. Static Shock, who apparently can generate radio waves (plausible), wants to bounce waves all over the area, to find objects that give a "radio ping" different to the dimension's standard. Okay, I can go with that... but why does he need Kid Flash to generate a vortex by moving his hand in circles to make his radio waves travel? And if he can hear radio waves (as he's done in his comics and TV show), why does he need Superboy to fly up and listen to them? Come to think of it, how is Superboy talking to him, trying to tell him something he doesn't want Wonder Girl to hear, if she's less than two meters from Static Shock?

What?

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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What a low average! 5.5 Bazzars in forty-one dissections... pretty low. Okay, let's end this thing quick... Cover Of The Week goes to Flash #3:


By Greg Horn, amazingly, it's not traced porn... or it's a very weird sexual position... Now, Moments Of The Week... first, the kind of stuff I love about Atomic Robo:


UNDEADISON!!! Then, speaking of mad scientists and their descendants:


Not ringing a bell? Well, it seems that Captain Swing (Jonathan Rheinhardt) seems to be an ancestor of Doktor Sleepless (John Reinhardt). There might be a typo in Swing’s name, but I’ll let it slide, as some names are spelled different, specially when someone emigrates to another country. Next, Lobo has some fun;


And great fun it is. But he eventually leaves Earth, and he took a souvenir:


Oh, shit... that's one of the scariest things I've seen in comics in a long time.... Now, from a very off-beat comic I picked up last week, Werewolves Of Montpellier:


It wasn't at all what I expected (I expected French Victorian werewolves, to be honest), but it was entertaining, and it had this very Seinfield moment. And last, while I didn't expect much from X-Campus, I certainly didn't expect this:


Magneto, turned into a tinted-glassed, soul-patched douche.... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #161.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Greetings to all of you gathered here today. As you know, deep within my core is all that remains of our honored Lantern dead. After much deliberation with Lantern Morro, the keeper of the crypt... we can think of no greater way to pay tribute to their strength, dignity, principles of justice... and of course ultimate sacrifice.. than with a memorial of life." Mogo, Green Lantern Corps V2 #47.

Running late!!! I might just make it in time, though. Welcome to the column for books released on 04/28, plus a couple of stragglers, and some stuff from FCBD 2010. Last DT! was hard to crack, apparently, but after several tries by longtime readers, newcomer Waka solved it. The guy crouching with the girl has his hand behind her foot, but her foot seems to be transparent and we can see his hand through it. Welcome to the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps, Ensign Waka!

Here are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was Green Lantern Corps V2 #47. Peter Tomasi knows this book and its characters well, and Patrick Gleason always provides a solid, visually fulfilling art. Using four different inkers, however, is not the best choice. Worst Book Of The Week is Teen Titans V3 #82... the Dakota plot was weak, and Holocaust was insanely powerful (even with a power-up), taking on Superboy, Miss Martian, Kid Flash and Wonder Girl head-to-head... plus, I hate this new trend of allowing Beast Boy to shapeshift into alien or mythological animals...

The Rundown: Captain America V1 (accented letter, a character called by the wrong name), Detective Comics (in a flashback, Tim Drake is wearing a Robin costume he never wore), Green Lantern Corps V2 (one cover has Kilowog's badge wrong, the other has his ring wrong), The Invincible Iron Man V2 (Reed Richard's eyes should be brown), Justice League: The Rise Of Arsenal (Batman's emblems are wrong), Justice Society Of America V3 (multiple accented letters), The Last Days Of American Crime ("buisness"), The Mighty Avengers (USAgent, accented letter), The New Avengers (The Hood's eyes change from brown to blue to brown again), Superman V1 (Sensor Girl's eyes are colored incorrectly), Teen Titans V3 (accented letters in penciller José Luís' name, plus Wonder Girl has an emblem belt buckle and then a regular one), Thor V1 (Volstagg's eyes should be blue), X-Men Forever V2 (Annual: "whom loves you").
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"FACE IS NOT IN MURDOCK'S BOOK."

TITLE: A-Team: War Stories: Murdock (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Guiu Vilanova (artist).

DISSECTION: Artists, and particularly IDW artists, are known to not draw faces on background characters. While it's a practice I don't consider correct, it's understandable. Some IDW artists, however, most specifically, the ones in most of their Star Trek books, have done it to characters that, while not important to the scene, are not in the background. This time, however, Vilanova has taken it too far:


Come on! This is outrageous! Those are the ONLY TWO CHARACTERS IN THE PANEL!!! ONE OF THEM IS THE STAR OF THE BOOK, AND THE OTHER ONE IS TALKING!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU LAZY MOTHERFUCKER!??!!?!?!?!?!?!? Not happy with that, he does it twice more, once again to Murdock, star of the book, WHILE HE'S TALKING AND IS ONE OF THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS IN THE PANEL, AND THEN AGAIN... but in that panel Murdock is not talking, at least.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. There's also a wrong name.
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"WAR IS MESSY."

TITLE: Battlefields (Dynamite).

ISSUE: Honestly, I give up.

CULPRIT: Joseph Rybandt (editor).

DISSECTION: You know I enjoy these books... except for "Dear Billy", all the Battlefield minis have been excellent... well, "Dear Billy" is not bad, but just not to my taste. My favorite was "The Tankies", a three issue miniseries last year. Now the Tankies are back! Is it Battlefields: The Tankies II? Or is it Battlefields: The Firefly And His Majesty, or Battlefields: The Firefly, as it was announced?

No, it's Battlefields #4. What? There was never a book called "Battlefields", it was just Battlefields: The Night Witches, Battlefields: Dear Billy, and Battlefields: The Tankies, Yes, originally it was going to be Battlefields 1 to 9, with each of those three stories taking up three issues; but then, Battlefield: Happy Valley was released... and now a second Tankies story gets #4?

If it's a continuation of the original series of three minis, it'd be #10... if it's a continuation of the whole thing, including Happy Valley, it'd be #13. And if it's a continuation to the Tankies, it'd be #4... So, any way they want to say Dynamite is trying to publish this, it still doesn't make sense. There's also a blurb at the end of issue #5 that says announces the next issue as the conclusion of "the second Battlefields arc". So they're trying to consider this part of Battlefields: The Tankies... why don't you name it Battlefields: The Tankies and that way you can number it from #4?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, a black character (a new guy) has blue eyes in issue #4, then in issue #5 he has black or brown eyes, which makes more sense. On the plus side, the German seems to be right, and they forewent the use of accented characters, so Simon Bowland didn't make any letter smaller than it should have.
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"THE DISSECTOR: LEGACY."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: Various.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I've occasionally been calling "X-Men Legacy" the wrong name, "X-Men: Legacy".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"IN GOTHAM, DAYS ARE SHORTER."

TITLE: Gotham City Sirens (DC).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Andres Guinaldo (penciller) and Ian Hannin (colorist).

DISSECTION: Catwoman goes for a 6AM jog, and it's obviously summer or thereabouts, because it's broad daylight. A couple asks her to help them find their lost dog, and she doesn't want to, but when she goes back to the house, Harley convinces her to help her look for the pet. They search for three hours... Harley says that, literally, and in the same scene where she says that, the sky is dark, as if it's late afternoon/early evening.

Selina walks into the house immediately after talking to the couple, and even if takes Harley two hours to get dressed (and mind you, she's not wearing her costume and work make-up), they leave the house at 8AM, and three hours later, it's 11AM... it should be even brighter outside.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"HULKED-OUT DISSECTION."

TITLE: Hulked-Out Heroes (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Humberto Ramos (penciller).

DISSECTION: You have no idea how bad Teen Titans was this week, else this piece of crap would have been Worst Book Of The Week. Anyway, take a look at this:


Spot anything wrong?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"HOMEMS X PRA SEMPRE."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Daniel HDR (penciller) and Wil Quintana (colorist).

DISSECTION: I had the small suspicion that Daniel HDR was Brazilian... and guess what, he is! So his name is probably something like Daniel Helioberto Da Rosa (and that's just the short version). Did he have the decency of calling himself Daniel Da Rosa, or Daniel, or Danielinho, as all Brazilians who do things internationally have? No, he doesn't.

Not only that, but he draws beast with blank white eyes in page 5, then in page 7, Beast has his normal, human blue eyes. Well, he corrected himself, good for you, Dani! But no, the next page, his eyes are featureless and yellow, and in page 9, they're back to normal. Then on page 13, they're white once more, and on page 22, they're yellow again. Good job!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, three times, for the fuck up. Not only that, but Ororo's eyes are blank all the time, and she's not using her powers.
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"PEEK-A-BOO!"

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Jean Grey cloaks herself and Beast from a space station's sensors, and based on what characters say, it's not telepathically. I'm sorry, but her powers are nothing like that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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So, we've got an average of 6.8 Bazzars in forty-three... I thought it was going to be higher, but there were a few lower graded dissections to balance out the tens. Now, Cover of the week... not Iron Man!!! It's Cap's turn:


Nice piece by Gerald Parel... and since I can't tell if that's Bucky or Commiebuster Cap, I can't say if the blue eyes are wrong or not. I just noticed that, but I can't actually dissect it... Now, Moments Of The Week... it was an eventful week, and we ended up with ELEVEN moments! First, Achilles tells a monster were to go:


Eloquent. Then, Atomic Robo's intelligent humor:


Then, a touching memorial for the fallen of the Green Lantern Corps:


May their light burn brightly forever! Speaking of Lanterns, don't piss Arisia off:


And don't piss Salakk off:


While you’re at it, on the Marvel side, don't piss Morbius off:


He's a punmaster. Speaking of pissed of guys:


God. Of. Fear. Yeah Obama, shake in your Air Force One. But there's no state like the Sith Empire:


That's... wow... the Mon Cals... damn... Now, let Quicksilver take care of a Gary Stu:


Mr. X is not as bad as the Sentry, but really, he tires me. Then, Ultimate Punisher has a nice vacation spot for you:


What, too harsh? Speaking of harsh:


Crap, that's my favorite X-Man! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #160.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"We are all family here... all children of God. No need to fight. Remember what it says in Psalm 27... or is that Matthew 32? Wait, now I remember... it's Smith & Wesson 639!" Lt. Colonel John "Hannibal" Smith, A-Team: Shotgun Wedding #4.

Welcome to the column for comics released on 04/21; a little later than usual, but still in time... I try to keep a Friday date for the column. Before anything, I'd like to just showcase my son's new blog (and first one, since he's five), Bedtime Comics With My Dad, where we'll read comics together and he'll review them. Leave him a comment, he'll be glad to answer.

On matters pertaining to this column, JohnnyDoe cracked the DT!, noticing that the cot in Captain Boomerang's prison cell was gigantic, and I can add that it even grows between panels. Ezequiel pointed out that it's a TARDIS cell. The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are these: Best Book Of The Week was Supergirl #52, good art, and great writing, solving a continuity conundrum, and preserving one of comics greatest love stories. Worst Book Of The Week was Avengers Vs. Atlas #4; as much as I enjoy Jeff Parker's Atlas stuff, this mini was convoluted and too long for its own good. The art by Gabriel Hardman was good, and I enjoyed the backup Gorilla Man story by Jason Aaron and Giancarlo Caracuzzo, but it doesn't save the book.

The Rundown: A-Team: Shotgun Wedding (Spanish language mistakes), The Amazing Spider-Man (weird English in the recap), Batman: Streets Of Gotham (Batman's belt and chest emblems are wrong), Brave And The Bold (the terrorist Wonder Woman captures changes eye colors between pages), Green Lantern V4 (Hal's badge), Spider-Man: Origin Of The Hunter (Anna Kravinoff's eyes are the wrong color), X-Men Forever V2 (accented letter, cedille, "micro-molecular level", Beast has yellow, featureless glowing eyes, X-Men Legacy (wrong German).
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"AMERICAN DISSECTION."

TITLE: American Vampire (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Rafael Albuquerque (penciller) and Dave McCaig (colorist).

DISSECTION: Dissect This!


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Pretty good book, so far... enjoying the old west back up by Stephen King himself... but there was some wrong use of German, and letterer Steve Wands made an "ñ" smaller than he should have.
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"MINUS TAUR."

TITLE: Hercules: Fall Of An Avenger (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Paul Tobin (writer) and Reilly Brown (penciller).

DISSECTION: Some medieval and renaissance conceptions of the Minotaur depicted in an inverted way than the more common depiction; body of a bull, with a man's torso, not unlike a "bull-centaur". If you were to use that version, and make a female minotaur, you'd give her the lower body of a cow... not the lower body of a horse... because that's a centaur.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Namor and Banner have their eyes colored incorrectly, and Phobos' hairdo is incorrect.
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"WHO IS DONNA TROY? WHO CARES!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: The JLA satellite's hull is breached, and Donna Troy gets sucked out into space, clutching her throat as if she can't breathe, until "Starman" (the blue guy) comes to her rescue. Uhm... while I know she can't actually survive in space on her own, she's tough enough to resist WHILE SHE FLIES BACK INSIDE UNDER HER OWN POWER!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Batman's emblems are wrong, and some of the German dialogue is incorrect as well. Oh, and Power Girl's sleeve is missing on the cover, and why does the "J" in James Robinson in the credits have a dot? Upper case "J"s don't have dots.
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"RIP IT! AND RIP IT GOOD!"

TITLE: Siege: Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Brian Reed (writer).

DISSECTION: WTF? Are we really supposed to believe that it's possible for Ms. Marvel to separate Mac Gargan from his symbiote just by PULLING HIM OUT BY FORCE?!?!?!? The symbiote is not a suit, it's BONDED with its HOST (not wearer)... this is one of the lamest storytelling devices I've seen. It was perfectly possible to have her use her powers to generate intense heat, which is one of the weaknesses of these creatures.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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This week's average was 6.8 Bazzars in thirty dissections; pretty high, but we had some outrageous stuff. This week's Cover is another Iron Man variant, this time by Mike del Mundo for The Amazing Spider:


Tony Stark's Metropolis! Now, Moments Of The Week, first up, Power Girl gets nasty:


Will Cousin Clark be happy? Then, great romances never die:


Thank you, Sterling Gates. Now, who said you feel no pain when music hits you?


Ouch. Now at Ultimate Marvel, don't let your ex-girlfriends and your current one team up:


Charlie Brown! And for our ending, more Marvel, one of my favorite characters:


SELF WILL KICK YOUR ASS!!! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #152.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Despite all appearances, I think Captain Rogers is trying very hard NOT to die." Admiral Dickins, about Buck Rockers' daredevil stunts, Buck Rogers #9.

"Ionic air propulsion. Electrostatic levitation. Electrogravitics. The Biefeld-Brown Effect and electro-fluid dynamics. Nothing here is invented. It simply appears to be uchronic, counterfactual, sitting in the break of a time out of joint. Everything I tell you is true. It's everyone else who's been lying to you. I am Captain Swing." Captain Swing, London, 1830, Captain Swing And The Electrical Pirates Of Cindery Island #1.

Welcome to the column for books released on 02/24, ending the month of February. Two quotes? Hell yeah, I wanted it to It's not exactly steampunk, more like electricpunk, since there's no actual steam involved, but Warren Ellis has done it again, and he brings Raúlo Cáceres, who already dazzled me in Crécy, as well as his variant covers for other Avatar books. Now, while Doktor Sleepless fizzled and is not as fun as it was originally (and when was the last time it was released?), but this book is only a four issues mini, so no dangers of that. It didn't make book of the week, but it almost did. The quote, in particular, is another incidence of Mage: The Ascension references in comics I've mentioned before, some of them by Ellis himself. And the Buck Rogers quote was just fun!

Still a few days to vote on the Autopsy Awards 2009, no idea when I'll get around to posting the winners, but until I do, your votes still count. Last column's DT! was guessed jointly by JohnnyDoe and Emerre. Emerre said that the bullet held up by Dick is not deformed, as if it never hit a target, and JohnnyDoe added that it looks unfired (with the casing and all). The artist was even kind enough to draw a rectangle around the dissection! :)

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was, and I'm easy to please sometimes, Superman #697. Plain and simple, the Legion Of Super-Heroes in action, and the return of my favorite legionnaire. See the Moments.. for more on that. The Worst Book Of The Week was Teen Titans #80, boring story, confusing dialogue, plain art. That simple.

The Rundown! The Amazing Spider-Man (accented letter), Black Lantern Green Arrow (Hal badge is wrong on the cover and inside the book, Barry's eyes are covered by his mask, and Connor's mother's eyes are blank in a flashback), Blackest Night (the badges for Hal, Kyle, Kilowog and Guy are wrong, and Ganthet's badge changes between panels), Blackest Night: JSA (Alan Scott's emblem is wrong, as well as Atom Smasher's... which looks more like a flower than anything else), God Complex (Raiders Of The Lost "Arc"?), Gotham City Sirens (Riddler's hair is wrong), Justice Society Of America (Alan's emblem is wrong, and Jay's hair is colored incorrectly), Madame Xanadu ("Caeser" was the leader of Rome?), Nation X (character heights are wrong, and eye colors too), Secret Warriors (Nick Fury's eyes are wrong), Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts (Riker's eyes are colored brown instead of blue... and blue for a panel; and a crewmember is missing his rank insignia), Teen Titans V3 ("totake" instead of "to take"), The Marvels Project (Namor's ankle wings are huge), The Flash: Rebirth (Jay's emblem and Hal's badge are wrong), Thor V1 (Volstagg's eyes, which should be blue, are colored green first, then brown), Wizard Magazine ("forward" instead of "foreword", "oseven" instead of "seven", and "speicals" instead of "specials"), Wonder Woman V3 (Power Girl's shoulderpad cape clasp is missing on the cover, then inside the book the leather strap becomes a braided strap, then goes back to leather, gets too thick, and disappears for a panel), X-Force V3 (Selene's eyes). Dissections!
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"LOBE GLOBE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 151.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: In the DT!, I wrote "Batman's globes" instead of "Batman's gloves".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"AUNT MAY, TAKE YOUR MEDS."

TITLE: Spider-Man: The Clone Saga (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Tom De Falco (writer).

DISSECTION: When little May Parker (MJ and Peter's daughter) is kidnapped, Aunt May posits that it can't be for ransom, since Peter and MJ can't pay a lot of money. Right, it's not like MJ has been a famous actress and model.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Aunt May might be senile. Also, the Scarlet Spider's hoodie is colored incorrectly on the cover, as well as Harry and Norman Osborn's eyes.
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"BEAR MOUNTAIN."

TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).

ISSUE: 141.

CULPRIT: Jeff Parker (writer).

DISSECTION: Grizzly, the newest member of the Thunderbolts, is called "Marko" by Paladin; but Grizzly's real name is Maxwell Markham. "Marko" would be Michael Marko, aka Man Mountain Marko, who Jeff Parker has also used in his Agents Of Atlas book, as an ATF agent sent by Norman Osborn after the Atlas Foundation.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, on the roster at the beginning of the book, Headsman's there when he was shot last week, and Grizzly's missing, when he's been on the team for a few issues now.
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"COX SUCKER."

TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 202.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

DISSECTION: Attention, rant coming...

Jeromy Cox: Monet St. Croix has brown eyes, not blue or green; Namor's should be grey, not whatever weird color you gave him; Layla Miller's eyes are green, not blue; Reed Richards has brown eyes, not blue ones; and Ben Grimm, usually called "Ever Lovin' Blue Eyed Thing"... yes, you guessed it, has BLUE EYES, NOT BROWN ONES!!!! ALSO, YOU MIGHT WANT TO AVOID COLORING LAYLA LIKE SHE'S MONET, SKIN, HAIR AND COSTUME!!!

Your job is to color these books, and I know it can be a hard, detailed job. But can you at least work with character references in front of you, FOR RAINBOW RAIDER'S SAKE?!?!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: I'm fucking giving 9 Bazzars to each of these, just because of Jeromy's complete inability to color ONE CHARACTER RIGHT. Also, the word "monologuing" is spelled "monologing".
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"FOREVER DISSECTION."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Surprisingly, the only two dissections in this issue were a character having blank eyes, and this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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This column ended up with a 6.5 Bazzars in fifty four dissections. I thought it'd be higher. Now, Cover Of The Week comes from Captain Swing:


Nice shot of Captain Swing's ship, and a good cover design to look like a Victorian catalogue. Now, Moments Of The Week, first up, QUISLET RETURNS!!!


WHOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOY!!!! Yeah, my favorite legionnaire is back, HELL YEAH!!! And now, guess which member of the Flash family is not happy about the whole Barry return thing?


Yep, Jai. He's apparently lost his powers, and that face tells me we might that someday in the future, we might have a Rogue who's actually related to the Flashes... Then, more Legion goodness!!


Chameleon's facial expression is downright Kevinmaguiresque, don't you think? Still in DC, artist Cameron Stewart reminds us that Damian Wayne is not completely Caucasian:


Good work, Mr. Stewart. And finally, part of a Wizard article on Kick-Ass


Wow, it's a good thing Vaughn is DRAWING INSPIRATION FROM THE COMIC HE'S BASING HIS MOVIE ON!!! In the immortal words of Chris Rock "You're supposed to, you dumb motherfucker!" That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #131.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Whoa. Jingoistic overload. Somebody's confused the American flag with patriotism." Zero Cochrane (Ghost Rider 2099) inside the Iron Patriot armor software, Timestorm 2009-2099 #4.

Now, here's the column for comics released on 08/26; some books I haven't received yet (Wednesday Comics, in particular, the last issue I received was #6), so those will come when I read them. In fact, Zorro #15, dissected here, is from the week before, and the aforementioned Wednesday Comics #6 is from weeks ago. As is customary these past few weeks, JohnnyDoe cracked the DT! again; he noticed that Claremont gave a diesel locomotive a furnace and the need for someone shoveling coal into it. He's found some other stuff too... see below... Badge for you, man.

Let's get on with the Dissector's Picks Of The Week, shall we? Best Book Of the Week goes to The Last Days Of Animal Man #4; as usual, Gerry Conway manages to write Animal Man perfectly; with Chris Batista's art being the perfect complement to his writing. Add a Brian Bolland cover, and it's a great book, solid. A mention goes to the newest Marvel/Soleil offering, Spin Angels, first issue out of three; an interesting tale about Catholic Church agents facing Templars and recovering early Christian relics to maintain the theological supremacy of the Church. I would have preferred it to bear the original title, Crossfire; but that's a minor matter. It has an interest plot, and a good blend of European comic book art (ligne claire, in particular) and manga styling; along with a dash of American comics... not as good a blend as Gipsy, as sometimes the manga elements overpower the other elements, and it distracts a bit from the story.

Worst Book Of The Week, and I'll keep it short, was Skrull Kill Krew #4. The art is sloppy, the plot is boring; the book is going nowhere... well, it's going to the last issue, next one.
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"I GOT A DYEJOB IN PRISON."

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 27.

CULPRIT: Edgar Delgado (colorist).

DISSECTION: Hardball's hair is colored brown, when he's got blond hair.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"OH MY, SUCH TERRIBLE COMPLEXION!"

TITLE: Batman: The Widening Gyre (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 06

CULPRIT: Kevin Smith (writer).

DISSECTION: It's good to read another Batman book by Kevin Smith, he's better suited for this kind of extemporal miniseries or one-shots. However, he claims that Waylon Jones, aka Killer Croc, is the way he is because he suffers from epidermodysplasia verruciformis, which makes him highly susceptible to human papillomavirus (which he also spells incorrectly as "papilloma virus"). First of all, it's been established in comics that Killer Croc suffers from a sort of genetic disease that gives him atavistic characteristics, essentially de-evolving him into a reptilian humanoid. Second, HPV could not give him the appearance and physical attributes of a crocodile.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Blüdhaven is spelled "Bludhaven" once; and artist Walt Flanagan overdoes the artistic license of drawing long bat-ears on Batman's cowl, when he makes them as long as Batman's head itself.
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"WHO'S THAT GIRL? QUIEN ES ESA NIÑA?"

TITLE: Dark Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Luke Ross (penciller).

DISSECTION: Look at the image below; I was reading through this issue and I spot that blonde girl with elf ears at Graymalkin's (well, Utopia now) control center:


Who is she supposed to be? I knew it wasn't Magik, because she's never had pointy ears, not even while she's all Darkchylde-y. It couldn't be Pixie, because she's in the next page (see above) with totally different hair (purple and wavy, as it should be), and while Luke Ross's art is weak in this issue, he's consistent. Or so I thought. So I asked on my Facebook for help, and a very enlightening discussion followed. Yog proposed it was a random person; but that wasn't possible, not on the X-Men's control room.

Korath suggested it could be Ariel, because she has teleportation powers, like Pixie and Nightcrawler, and are needed for the plan to work. But she's never had pointy ears, and she looks like this nowadays.

Mitch, via Nysie (High Admiral Nysie of the HDSC, to all of you) suggested it could be Meggan Braddock; and while it sure looks like her, she just got back to Captain Britain over in his own book, and they would have made a great fuss about her being in San Francisco (particularly her old teammates Colossus and Nightcrawler, particularly the latter).

Then Korath pointed out that Megan (Megan Gwynn, aka Pixie) has been wearing a headband in Uncanny X-Men, and that her normally pink hair looks blonde in the pinkish purple lighting. I countered that while Megan was wearing a headband in UXM #514; that doesn't mean someone else could have put one on. If it's Pixie, then Luke Ross fubarued BIG TIME, because in the next page, her hair and facial features look COMPLETELY different, she has no freckles, her ears are shaped differently, and she's not wearing a headband (see the above image again).

That's mystery girl on the left, and Pixie on the other two images. On the first one, her face is different, the freckles (an important feature on Pixie's face since she was first introduced) are missing, there's no headband on the ones we know it's her, and while the last two images don't have a completley consistent shape between them, they're definitely different from the one on mystery girl (mystery girl has an inward curve in the upward left backside of her ear, Pixie's ear is reversed). So, if that girl in the control room is supposed to be Pixie, Luke Ross did a poor job of portraying her. Oh, one more thing... the girl in the control room is wearing an earring. Next page, Pixie is not.

I kept researching. and scoured the "198" profiles, but couldn't find someone with elven ears that might be there plausibly; which makes me conclude that Luke Ross meant to draw Pixie in that scene, and screwed up. Badges for Yog, Korath, Mitch and Nysie for contributing with my research.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Ross also draws Nightcrawler with long hair; when he has it reasonably short, and Dean White gives Namor brown eyes, when he has blue-grey eyes. All in all, a great issue, though.
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"NOTHING LEFT TO SAI."

TITLE: Dark Reign: Elektra (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Clay Mann (penciller).

DISSECTION: The sai grip was perfect on the cover... but not inside. Now, did we need a five-issue mini for this story? Wouldn't an oversized one-shot sufficed?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"PANCHO IBANEZ."

TITLE: Dark Reign: The Sinister Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Brian Reed (writer).

DISSECTION: "Ibanez", the last name of what seems to be NYPD's Chief should be "Ibáñez". "Ibanez" doesn't exist.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"ACCENTUATING THE BEGINING."

TITLE: Dark X-Men: The Beginning (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Rob Steen (letterer).

DISSECTION: Two accented letters are smaller than they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
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"STREAK ONE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 130.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe noticed (get off my back!!!) that when I corrected myself about his spotting the error with Streaky's gender; I said "Krypto" instead of "Streaky". Another badge for you. Do you ever sleep?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. I also numbered the last column as #131, when it was #130.
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"RIDDLE ME THIS: WHAT CONTACTS BRAND DOES HE USE?"

TITLE: Gotham City Sirens 03 (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Guillem March (colorist).

DISSECTION: The Riddler's eyes are colored brown, when they should be blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"SINESTROPTICALS."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Randy Mayor (colorist).

DISSECTION: Sinestro's eyes are colored yellow and black, when they should be regular black eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"DIACRITICAL MASS."

TITLE: Herogasm (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Simon Bowland (letterer).

DISSECTION: A letter with a diacritic is smaller than it should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"RED HULK PUNY!"

TITLE: Hulk V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Jeph Loeb (writer).

DISSECTION: Uh... are we really meant to believe that the Punisher can shoot some bullets and stab the red Hulk with a knife and make him bleed? I don't care what ordnance he's carrying, I don't buy that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, Loeb, S.H.I.E.L.D. was not the USA's central intelligence agency. For one, that's the CIA, second, S.H.I.E.L.D. was a UN agency. There's also a small accented letter, courtesy of letterer Richard Starkings.
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"BOOTY CAP."

TITLE: The Incredible Hulk V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 601.

CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).

DISSECTION: Great issue by Pak and Olivetti, certainly. Pak reminds us that Bruce Banner is a bona fide genius; and Olivetti's style recovers some plasticity, as opposed to the stiff figures he drew in Cable. There are a few writing and coloring mistakes in this issue; in particular Bucky Cap's boots are wrong.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"JUSTICE SOCIETY OF DISSECTION."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Jesús Merino (artist).

DISSECTION: See if you can spot this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Flash's boots are wrong.
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"THE INQUISITION... WHAT A SHOW!"

TITLE: Madame Xanadu (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: "The Inquisition" o "La Inquisición", but not "La Inquisition". Please. Also "pureza de sangre", not "limpieza de sangre".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
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"BLUE MOONSTAR."

TITLE: New Mutants V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: John Rauch (colorist).

DISSECTION: Dani Moonstar's eyes are colored blue, when her eyes are brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Come on, this is a Native American you're coloring, can't you apply a bit of common sense?
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"JIMMY OLSEN'S BLUES."

TITLE: Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen Special (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: Natasha Irons tells Jimmy Olsen she can't be there (River City), but Jimmy asks "Metropolis?", when he's made it very clear that he's traveled quite a bit to get to River City.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"STATUTORY STATUES."

TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 74.

CULPRIT: Joe Bennett (penciller).

DISSECTION: Out front of Titans Tower (East Coast), you can see Superboy's statue before he comes back and destroys it... only the base of the statue is wrong, the statue is horizontally inverted, and Kid Flash's is either not there, or too far away. I'm willing to consider all of this just one dissection.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"UNITED... NOTHING OF NOTHING?"

TITLE: The Red Circle: The Shield (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Scott McDaniel (penciller).

DISSECTION: An emblem on the floor of a government facility says "UNITED..." and part of the rest is obscured by another panel... but there's no space for a proper name, such as "UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE" or something like that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"ESCARABAJAZÚ!"

TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 12.

CULPRIT: Eddie Berganza (writer).

DISSECTION: A story page narrated by Blue Beetle, of course, it's going to have bullshit Spanish. Apart from some awkward sentences, he writes the word "qué" as "qúe" twice.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. At least letterer Nick J. Napolitano makes the accented letters the right size.
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"BOLT OF LIGHT."

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer) and/or Aaron Lopresti (penciller).

DISSECTION: Bolt I is shown attacking Black Canary, and he's dead.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Yes, it could be a new guy in his costume.
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"FOREVER ACCENTED."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Tom Orzechowski (letterer).

DISSECTION: Two accented letters are smaller than they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
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"EL ZORRO ES MUCHO MACHO! YES, HE'S VERY MASCLEIN!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: With all due respect, Mr. Wagner, I've said it once, and I'll say it again, and again: Zorro is a very enjoyable book, but you're detracting from the enjoyment with all the bullshit Spanish. Shall I go down the list for this issue? A servant would not say "perdóname" to the governor of California, he'd say "perdóneme". It's "buenas" noches, not "buenos" noches. It's "Vicente", not "Vincente". It's "Ángeles", "Señores", "Papá", and "Pérez" (MY OWN BLOODY LAST NAME), not "Angeles", "Señors", "Papa" (which means potato or Pope instead of dad), and "Perez". People don't say "Olé!" when they toast at dinner...

And now you're mangling up English again? "Captial", "noctrnal", and "propasal"? Come on, one proof read by someone who speaks both languages moderately well would be enough to STOP RUINING THIS BOOK!!! Also, I can't consider this a dissection, but if you insist in using random bits of Spanish, why do you refer to the Spanish monarch as Charles IV, instead of Carlos IV?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each. The bullshit Spanish dissections are getting a markup!!! And please, please, PLEASE teach Simon Bowland that ACCENTED LETTERS AND THE LETTER Ñ ARE NOT SMALLER THAN THE RESTS OF THE LETTERS IN THE SAME SENTENCE!!! Total: 36 dissections in one issue. Most dissected letterer, writer, company, and book of the year will not be a surprise at the next Autopsy Awards...
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This columns ends up with a 6.8 Bazzars average on seventy-five dissections. Pretty high; I say. Oh, while I was writing this column I friended Simon Bowland on Facebook... I made sure to compliment him on all the lettering he does (he single-handedly letters Dynamite's books, and he also works for Marvel, Dark Horse and Image)... then proceeded to ask if I could make him a suggestion... I hope he doesn't mind... honestly, it's with a great deal of respect for his work, I want to see him do an even better job.

It's time for the Best Cover Of The Week, and it's a tie. One from this week, and another a back-issue. The current cover is the alternate cover for Flash: Rebirth #4, a striking piece by Ethan Van Sciver (happy birthday, BTW, Ethan). The old cover is from Knights Of The Dinner Table #138, the Gary Gygax tribute issue. Every time we sit down to game, we're playing with Gary...


Now, it's Moments Of The Week time! First up, from Flash: Rebirth, Flash Facts:


Don't you mess with the Flashes, or Daddy Flash will pimp slap yo' ass!!! Then, what's Ed Benes the best at?


Drawing Starfire's ass, of course!!! Then, who can't the Black Lanterns reanimate?


Of course!!! Now, the obvious happens within the Dark X-Men's ranks:


Obvious, but not less amusing! And then, Utopia:


Way cool. Then, inside Namor's head...


Legal action. Yup. Now, from The Boys: Herogasm:


Secret Service sure sounds like a great job! Incredible Hercules brings...


Another mention, albeit indirect, of moi! Then, Greg Pak writes a great Bruce Banner:


Pwnd! Smart pwnd! Now, people shouldn't make Norman angry:


Those guys are in for a WORLD of hurt once Norman gets the upper hand back... And to finish, if I ever run a space police force, I want my base planet like this:


With facial hair! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!