The Dissector #132.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Well, if the Time Lords made the rules - and I'm the LAST Time Lord - I REPEAL THE RULES! HUZZAH! ICE CREAM FOR ALL!" The Doctor, Doctor Who #3.

Willkommen zu einer neuen Ausgabe von Der Sezierer! This is the der Spalte for comics released on 09/02... and I'll stop with the crap German; but you've got to admit it adds to the "mad scientist" vibe. I was about to declare the DT! uncracked, but once again JohnnyDoe got it! In this case, Mammoth, who is a large man, but by no means larger than a normal human (if your normal human is an NFL linebacker); while in this comic he's pictured as if each of his arms is as big as a person. Badge for you, Johnny; three more and you get promoted to Lt. Commander.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was The Boys #34; good ending to an arc; and a superb gore fest; which is what we expect of this book; plus the return of Love Sausage. See the Moments Of The Week to know what zany antics "Los Botijas" (as a friend of mine and I call them) were up to this week. Worst Book Of The Week? Easy, Exiles #6. Thank God they cut our suffering short... it wasn't as bad as what Claremont was writing before this volume; but it was a book that needed to be cancelled. Oh, why was it so bad? Rushed ending for a crappy book; double crappy. Yes, those are scientific terms.

On another note, I am now a published comic book writer!!! Local comic book "Cisplatino" includes in each issue an insert called "Cisplatino Visiones", with short stories about the book's characters, and I was asked to write a story about one of the villains, Lobo (no, not the Czarnian). It was drawn by the incredible Roberto Cúneo, and it's available in Uruguay and soon in Argentina. If anyone wants to buy a copy outside these countries, I'm sure it can be arranged. See photos of the launch party for the issue, by our local Peter Parker.

Dissections now. Oh, and Warehouse 13 is the best show currently out there for scifi fans, WATCH IT. WATCH. IT.
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"IN NON-COMMUNIST RUSSIA..."

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Peter Milligan (writer).

DISSECTION: Are we really supposed to believe that Batman's hotel phone can be tapped by the Moscow police?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WAKANDAN SCENES FILMED IN NIGERIA."

TITLE: Black Panther V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Maberry (writer) and Will Conrado (artist).

DISSECTION: All signs in Wakandan protests; underscroll on TV screens, buildings, etc is in English. The Wakandans have their own language, and would not use English. What part of isolationist and highly nationalistic country did the authors not get?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Yup. One single dissection for all the occurrences, but a big fat one. Plus, there are some other mistakes, like "repulser" instead of "repulsor", and odd dialogue like "the young a man".
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"APOKOLIPS."

TITLE: Cable V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Duane Swierczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: The ship Cable is in is called "Ensahabnur"... Apocalypse's name is "En Sabah Nur"... I'm going to say this is a dissection; no matter how far in the future they are. Same goes for the word "aquired" on a monitor; when the rest of the English words are spelled correctly... it's not an intentional deformation of the language.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Hope's eyes, which are green, are colored blue on the cover by Dave Wilkins.
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"EYEXILES."

TITLE: Exiles V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Anthony Washington (colorist).

DISSECTION: Eyes. Eye color mistakes galore! The Scarlett Witch's eyes are colored brown, when she has blue eyes; Rachel Summers has green eyes and Aurora has blue eyes; and they get brown eyes here (wait, that sounded wrong)... while Rogue's eyes should be green, but they're colored green.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each.
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"HAL TO GET THAT OUT OF MY CHEST."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: Several occurrences of John Stewart's chest emblem being replaced with Hal's.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. He also gets all white eyes, for some reason.
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"QUESTO E ESTO MACACO?"

TITLE: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).

DISSECTION: So, it's not as bad as the previous issue, and it hasn't been as awful as Zorro, but there's still a few Spanish mistakes, mostly by Simon Bowland on the accented letters; and just three actual language mistakes and very minor. The worst is that Dixon writes "¿Que es este?"; a phrase that doesn't exist, it should be "esto".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for that one. A total of four accented letters for Bowland, two more Spanish mistakes on Dixon's part, and one random writing dissection.
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"CRY FOR PAYING ATTENTION."

TITLE: Justice League: Cry For Justice (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 07.

CULPRIT: Mauro Cascioli (artist).

DISSECTION: DC artists: GET. YOUR. GREEN. LANTERN. EMBLEMS. RIGHT.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for each occurrence of Hal Jordan's emblem looking like John Stewart's; six in total.
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"MA-TOUCH-AND-GOG."

TITLE: Magog (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi Designs (colorist).

DISSECTION: Golly Gee Wilikers! It's what we've all been waiting for, a Magog ongoing!!! YAY!!! *clears throat* Well, Magog's healthy eye is blue, yet on one page it's colored brown; then blue in the next one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"OLD LACE TOOK HER ARSENIC."

TITLE: Marvel Pets Handbook (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator) and writer not credited for individual profile.

DISSECTION: The Marvel Handbooks people... my mortal enemies... Now, I didn't actually read this, I just flipped through it, and spotted only one dissection. On Old Lace's profile, it doesn't mention her death, which happened in Runaways V3 #11; about a month and a half ago. While I understand that the production for one these books takes time; Old Lace's death had been more or less announced, and a little coordination wouldn't have hurt.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"MERCY SPARX A NEW BOOK."

TITLE: Mercy Sparx (DDP).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: James Lowder (editor).

DISSECTION: Fun little book; not dying to get the next mini, but I will enjoy it when it comes out. Problem is, at the end of this issue they announce issue 2 of the second mini as coming soon; when issue 1 hasn't come out yet.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"RŒD TORNADŒ"

TITLE: Red Tornado V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 6.

CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: Okay, this book is only slightly less exciting than the Magog book; but at least it's a mini. The Magog book can only be explained by Keith Giffen wanting to write him and DC letting him... What's the dissection here? Well, Penciller José Luís is credited with an accent in his last name on the cover (while other books have credited without it; the Brazilian spelling has an accent while the Spanish spelling doesn't, and I don't know if he's Brazilian or Hispanic). I can't really confirm a dissection there, and I'm inclined to believe he's Brazilian or even Portuguese...

However, look at what Sal Cipriano did inside of the book:


Man... that's not only wrong, it's not even POSSIBLE. You can't have a dot on the "i" AND an accent. If it wasn't for Simon Bowland's sheer volume of work...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"STRANGE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Strange Tales V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Paul Pope (penciller, Inhumans story).

DISSECTION: This one is perfect for a DISSECT THIS!


It's a hard one; and there's a second, lesser dissection that I won't reveal because it's related to this one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WEDNESDAY HAS A LITTLE COUNTDOWN... "

TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 12.

CULPRIT: Sean Galloway (artist, Teen Titans story).

DISSECTION: Well... So far I had pardoned the errors in the Teen Titans costumes (robin's mask is not joined at the bridge of his nose, Wonder Girl is wearing a completely new design, and worse of all, Starfire is wearing something that looks more like the cartoon version of her costume), and now Beast Boy and Nightwing's costumes are also different to what they should be. I had let these dissections go because I assumed it was an out-of-continuity tale; like most in this book seem to be. But now they've referenced Countdown To Final Crisis events, so that gives me the clue that this IS in continuity, and therefore, the costume redesigns are just an artist doing what he wants.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each, except Starfire and Wonder Girl who get 8s. Also, Iris West's eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
A total of sixty-nine dissections with an average of 7.0 Bazzars; we hadn't had a 7 since column #122, exactly ten issues ago. Let me show you the cover of the week, by Skottie Young, for Iron Man And The Armor Wars #2:


I like it, it's compelling. Now, the Moments Of The Week... First up, if there's something you can say about Buffy, is that characters do evolve and grow:


Andrew, for example, went to idiotic annoyance, to bumbling evil sidekick, to bumbling good sidekick, to a ballsy character of his own. Also:


Those are Dawn and Xander. Yup. Xander. And Buffy's little sister. And that's Buffy watching. Pervs. Now, from the best gaming comic book out there, an Easter egg that took me more than a year to catch; because I hadn't gotten that issue yet:


Thank you Jolly! And to end this column, what happened to Germany when the Nazis pushed the allies too far?


Well, the Americans, the British, and the Free French Forces attacked... then the USSR took Berlin from behind! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #131.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Whoa. Jingoistic overload. Somebody's confused the American flag with patriotism." Zero Cochrane (Ghost Rider 2099) inside the Iron Patriot armor software, Timestorm 2009-2099 #4.

Now, here's the column for comics released on 08/26; some books I haven't received yet (Wednesday Comics, in particular, the last issue I received was #6), so those will come when I read them. In fact, Zorro #15, dissected here, is from the week before, and the aforementioned Wednesday Comics #6 is from weeks ago. As is customary these past few weeks, JohnnyDoe cracked the DT! again; he noticed that Claremont gave a diesel locomotive a furnace and the need for someone shoveling coal into it. He's found some other stuff too... see below... Badge for you, man.

Let's get on with the Dissector's Picks Of The Week, shall we? Best Book Of the Week goes to The Last Days Of Animal Man #4; as usual, Gerry Conway manages to write Animal Man perfectly; with Chris Batista's art being the perfect complement to his writing. Add a Brian Bolland cover, and it's a great book, solid. A mention goes to the newest Marvel/Soleil offering, Spin Angels, first issue out of three; an interesting tale about Catholic Church agents facing Templars and recovering early Christian relics to maintain the theological supremacy of the Church. I would have preferred it to bear the original title, Crossfire; but that's a minor matter. It has an interest plot, and a good blend of European comic book art (ligne claire, in particular) and manga styling; along with a dash of American comics... not as good a blend as Gipsy, as sometimes the manga elements overpower the other elements, and it distracts a bit from the story.

Worst Book Of The Week, and I'll keep it short, was Skrull Kill Krew #4. The art is sloppy, the plot is boring; the book is going nowhere... well, it's going to the last issue, next one.
<-------------------------------->
"I GOT A DYEJOB IN PRISON."

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 27.

CULPRIT: Edgar Delgado (colorist).

DISSECTION: Hardball's hair is colored brown, when he's got blond hair.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"OH MY, SUCH TERRIBLE COMPLEXION!"

TITLE: Batman: The Widening Gyre (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 06

CULPRIT: Kevin Smith (writer).

DISSECTION: It's good to read another Batman book by Kevin Smith, he's better suited for this kind of extemporal miniseries or one-shots. However, he claims that Waylon Jones, aka Killer Croc, is the way he is because he suffers from epidermodysplasia verruciformis, which makes him highly susceptible to human papillomavirus (which he also spells incorrectly as "papilloma virus"). First of all, it's been established in comics that Killer Croc suffers from a sort of genetic disease that gives him atavistic characteristics, essentially de-evolving him into a reptilian humanoid. Second, HPV could not give him the appearance and physical attributes of a crocodile.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Blüdhaven is spelled "Bludhaven" once; and artist Walt Flanagan overdoes the artistic license of drawing long bat-ears on Batman's cowl, when he makes them as long as Batman's head itself.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO'S THAT GIRL? QUIEN ES ESA NIÑA?"

TITLE: Dark Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Luke Ross (penciller).

DISSECTION: Look at the image below; I was reading through this issue and I spot that blonde girl with elf ears at Graymalkin's (well, Utopia now) control center:


Who is she supposed to be? I knew it wasn't Magik, because she's never had pointy ears, not even while she's all Darkchylde-y. It couldn't be Pixie, because she's in the next page (see above) with totally different hair (purple and wavy, as it should be), and while Luke Ross's art is weak in this issue, he's consistent. Or so I thought. So I asked on my Facebook for help, and a very enlightening discussion followed. Yog proposed it was a random person; but that wasn't possible, not on the X-Men's control room.

Korath suggested it could be Ariel, because she has teleportation powers, like Pixie and Nightcrawler, and are needed for the plan to work. But she's never had pointy ears, and she looks like this nowadays.

Mitch, via Nysie (High Admiral Nysie of the HDSC, to all of you) suggested it could be Meggan Braddock; and while it sure looks like her, she just got back to Captain Britain over in his own book, and they would have made a great fuss about her being in San Francisco (particularly her old teammates Colossus and Nightcrawler, particularly the latter).

Then Korath pointed out that Megan (Megan Gwynn, aka Pixie) has been wearing a headband in Uncanny X-Men, and that her normally pink hair looks blonde in the pinkish purple lighting. I countered that while Megan was wearing a headband in UXM #514; that doesn't mean someone else could have put one on. If it's Pixie, then Luke Ross fubarued BIG TIME, because in the next page, her hair and facial features look COMPLETELY different, she has no freckles, her ears are shaped differently, and she's not wearing a headband (see the above image again).

That's mystery girl on the left, and Pixie on the other two images. On the first one, her face is different, the freckles (an important feature on Pixie's face since she was first introduced) are missing, there's no headband on the ones we know it's her, and while the last two images don't have a completley consistent shape between them, they're definitely different from the one on mystery girl (mystery girl has an inward curve in the upward left backside of her ear, Pixie's ear is reversed). So, if that girl in the control room is supposed to be Pixie, Luke Ross did a poor job of portraying her. Oh, one more thing... the girl in the control room is wearing an earring. Next page, Pixie is not.

I kept researching. and scoured the "198" profiles, but couldn't find someone with elven ears that might be there plausibly; which makes me conclude that Luke Ross meant to draw Pixie in that scene, and screwed up. Badges for Yog, Korath, Mitch and Nysie for contributing with my research.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Ross also draws Nightcrawler with long hair; when he has it reasonably short, and Dean White gives Namor brown eyes, when he has blue-grey eyes. All in all, a great issue, though.
<-------------------------------->
"NOTHING LEFT TO SAI."

TITLE: Dark Reign: Elektra (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Clay Mann (penciller).

DISSECTION: The sai grip was perfect on the cover... but not inside. Now, did we need a five-issue mini for this story? Wouldn't an oversized one-shot sufficed?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PANCHO IBANEZ."

TITLE: Dark Reign: The Sinister Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Brian Reed (writer).

DISSECTION: "Ibanez", the last name of what seems to be NYPD's Chief should be "Ibáñez". "Ibanez" doesn't exist.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ACCENTUATING THE BEGINING."

TITLE: Dark X-Men: The Beginning (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Rob Steen (letterer).

DISSECTION: Two accented letters are smaller than they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"STREAK ONE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 130.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe noticed (get off my back!!!) that when I corrected myself about his spotting the error with Streaky's gender; I said "Krypto" instead of "Streaky". Another badge for you. Do you ever sleep?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. I also numbered the last column as #131, when it was #130.
<-------------------------------->
"RIDDLE ME THIS: WHAT CONTACTS BRAND DOES HE USE?"

TITLE: Gotham City Sirens 03 (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Guillem March (colorist).

DISSECTION: The Riddler's eyes are colored brown, when they should be blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SINESTROPTICALS."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Randy Mayor (colorist).

DISSECTION: Sinestro's eyes are colored yellow and black, when they should be regular black eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"DIACRITICAL MASS."

TITLE: Herogasm (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Simon Bowland (letterer).

DISSECTION: A letter with a diacritic is smaller than it should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RED HULK PUNY!"

TITLE: Hulk V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Jeph Loeb (writer).

DISSECTION: Uh... are we really meant to believe that the Punisher can shoot some bullets and stab the red Hulk with a knife and make him bleed? I don't care what ordnance he's carrying, I don't buy that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, Loeb, S.H.I.E.L.D. was not the USA's central intelligence agency. For one, that's the CIA, second, S.H.I.E.L.D. was a UN agency. There's also a small accented letter, courtesy of letterer Richard Starkings.
<-------------------------------->
"BOOTY CAP."

TITLE: The Incredible Hulk V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 601.

CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).

DISSECTION: Great issue by Pak and Olivetti, certainly. Pak reminds us that Bruce Banner is a bona fide genius; and Olivetti's style recovers some plasticity, as opposed to the stiff figures he drew in Cable. There are a few writing and coloring mistakes in this issue; in particular Bucky Cap's boots are wrong.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"JUSTICE SOCIETY OF DISSECTION."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Jesús Merino (artist).

DISSECTION: See if you can spot this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Flash's boots are wrong.
<-------------------------------->
"THE INQUISITION... WHAT A SHOW!"

TITLE: Madame Xanadu (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 14.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: "The Inquisition" o "La Inquisición", but not "La Inquisition". Please. Also "pureza de sangre", not "limpieza de sangre".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"BLUE MOONSTAR."

TITLE: New Mutants V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: John Rauch (colorist).

DISSECTION: Dani Moonstar's eyes are colored blue, when her eyes are brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Come on, this is a Native American you're coloring, can't you apply a bit of common sense?
<-------------------------------->
"JIMMY OLSEN'S BLUES."

TITLE: Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen Special (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: Natasha Irons tells Jimmy Olsen she can't be there (River City), but Jimmy asks "Metropolis?", when he's made it very clear that he's traveled quite a bit to get to River City.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"STATUTORY STATUES."

TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 74.

CULPRIT: Joe Bennett (penciller).

DISSECTION: Out front of Titans Tower (East Coast), you can see Superboy's statue before he comes back and destroys it... only the base of the statue is wrong, the statue is horizontally inverted, and Kid Flash's is either not there, or too far away. I'm willing to consider all of this just one dissection.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"UNITED... NOTHING OF NOTHING?"

TITLE: The Red Circle: The Shield (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Scott McDaniel (penciller).

DISSECTION: An emblem on the floor of a government facility says "UNITED..." and part of the rest is obscured by another panel... but there's no space for a proper name, such as "UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE" or something like that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"ESCARABAJAZÚ!"

TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 12.

CULPRIT: Eddie Berganza (writer).

DISSECTION: A story page narrated by Blue Beetle, of course, it's going to have bullshit Spanish. Apart from some awkward sentences, he writes the word "qué" as "qúe" twice.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. At least letterer Nick J. Napolitano makes the accented letters the right size.
<-------------------------------->
"BOLT OF LIGHT."

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer) and/or Aaron Lopresti (penciller).

DISSECTION: Bolt I is shown attacking Black Canary, and he's dead.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Yes, it could be a new guy in his costume.
<-------------------------------->
"FOREVER ACCENTED."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Tom Orzechowski (letterer).

DISSECTION: Two accented letters are smaller than they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"EL ZORRO ES MUCHO MACHO! YES, HE'S VERY MASCLEIN!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: With all due respect, Mr. Wagner, I've said it once, and I'll say it again, and again: Zorro is a very enjoyable book, but you're detracting from the enjoyment with all the bullshit Spanish. Shall I go down the list for this issue? A servant would not say "perdóname" to the governor of California, he'd say "perdóneme". It's "buenas" noches, not "buenos" noches. It's "Vicente", not "Vincente". It's "Ángeles", "Señores", "Papá", and "Pérez" (MY OWN BLOODY LAST NAME), not "Angeles", "Señors", "Papa" (which means potato or Pope instead of dad), and "Perez". People don't say "Olé!" when they toast at dinner...

And now you're mangling up English again? "Captial", "noctrnal", and "propasal"? Come on, one proof read by someone who speaks both languages moderately well would be enough to STOP RUINING THIS BOOK!!! Also, I can't consider this a dissection, but if you insist in using random bits of Spanish, why do you refer to the Spanish monarch as Charles IV, instead of Carlos IV?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each. The bullshit Spanish dissections are getting a markup!!! And please, please, PLEASE teach Simon Bowland that ACCENTED LETTERS AND THE LETTER Ñ ARE NOT SMALLER THAN THE RESTS OF THE LETTERS IN THE SAME SENTENCE!!! Total: 36 dissections in one issue. Most dissected letterer, writer, company, and book of the year will not be a surprise at the next Autopsy Awards...
<-------------------------------->
This columns ends up with a 6.8 Bazzars average on seventy-five dissections. Pretty high; I say. Oh, while I was writing this column I friended Simon Bowland on Facebook... I made sure to compliment him on all the lettering he does (he single-handedly letters Dynamite's books, and he also works for Marvel, Dark Horse and Image)... then proceeded to ask if I could make him a suggestion... I hope he doesn't mind... honestly, it's with a great deal of respect for his work, I want to see him do an even better job.

It's time for the Best Cover Of The Week, and it's a tie. One from this week, and another a back-issue. The current cover is the alternate cover for Flash: Rebirth #4, a striking piece by Ethan Van Sciver (happy birthday, BTW, Ethan). The old cover is from Knights Of The Dinner Table #138, the Gary Gygax tribute issue. Every time we sit down to game, we're playing with Gary...


Now, it's Moments Of The Week time! First up, from Flash: Rebirth, Flash Facts:


Don't you mess with the Flashes, or Daddy Flash will pimp slap yo' ass!!! Then, what's Ed Benes the best at?


Drawing Starfire's ass, of course!!! Then, who can't the Black Lanterns reanimate?


Of course!!! Now, the obvious happens within the Dark X-Men's ranks:


Obvious, but not less amusing! And then, Utopia:


Way cool. Then, inside Namor's head...


Legal action. Yup. Now, from The Boys: Herogasm:


Secret Service sure sounds like a great job! Incredible Hercules brings...


Another mention, albeit indirect, of moi! Then, Greg Pak writes a great Bruce Banner:


Pwnd! Smart pwnd! Now, people shouldn't make Norman angry:


Those guys are in for a WORLD of hurt once Norman gets the upper hand back... And to finish, if I ever run a space police force, I want my base planet like this:


With facial hair! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #129.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"My name is Peter Parker. I am Spider-Man. I was bit by a one-of-a-kind spider and now I have one-of-a-kind spider-powers. I saved the world. Or at least helped save it. I almost died doing it. A couple of times. For real. But I didn't. I've fought bad guys of every shape and size. True bad guys. World-class villains. Bad bad guys. I've met super heroes, icons. Captain America. Yep. You're talking to a sixteen-year-old who can swing across the city on a web line he actually invented. A guy who can lift a city bus over his head. A guy who has fought the Hulk and walked away from it. We're talking' vampires, mutants, Doctor Doom, Sandman, Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus... I have already seen and done more than most people will ever get to do in their whole lives. And now I have one question, and I want you to think about this very carefully. I want you to look me in the eye and I want you to tell me: Do you want fries with that?" Peter Parker, working in a fast food restaurant, Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #1.

Well, that quote is certainly a mouthful... Welcome to the column for comics published on 08/12. Without further ado, let me tell you that JohnnyDoe is now a Lieutenant in the HDSC, thanks to the badge he earned by figuring out that Streaky was being called a "she", when he's male. Simple as that, nice keen eye for the Silver Age, LT!

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week; for your reading pleasure. Best Book Of The Week was a tie, between Adventure Comics #1 (or #504, I prefer to call it, and DC hasn't forgotten about that). Geoff Johns is without a doubt one of the best superhero comic writers of the past decade, and Francis Manapul, now using a painted, more realistic style (as opposed to the blocky manga-like style he used on LSH) is a perfect fit for Superboy. Of course, a second feature (have I mentioned how much I love DC's second features idea?) starring the Legion doesn't hurt at all, and Clayton Henry does a pretty good job with the art for that story.

I'll have to mention Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #1 came very close; Bendis and Lafuente provide a very good Spidey story. Bendis obviously knows the characters, and Lafuente's art, while not my favorite kind, allows us to remember that Ultimate Spidey is a sixteen years old kid... and a comparatively scrawny and short one. Good job, and while not as good, Ultimate Comics Avengers #1 was very good too.

Worst Book Of The Week? Surprisingly, not Final Crisis Aftermath: Escape #4. While still boring, and not making much sense, at least it's not drawn by Marco Rudy (remember his awful and inconsistent Fire?), but by Cliff Richards (who doesn't destroy Fire). I've toppled a bad artist!!! (Nah, not really) No, Worst Book Of The Week was The Red Circle: Inferno... muddy art, and a boring, confusing, and un-engaging story. With The Red Circle: The Hangman, which wasn't that much (but still passable), DC's revival of The Red Circle characters doesn't look good so far. That's it then, dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"BLUE EL."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 880.

CULPRIT: Javier Mena (colorist).

DISSECTION: Christopher Kent's eyes are colored blue, when he's brown-eyed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SWITCHEROO!"

TITLE: Adventure Comics (DC Comics).

ISSUE: 504.

CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: Yes, I've decided to refer to this book with the original numbering; since the dual numbering is not just on the covers, but on the indicia of the book, which makes it pretty clear that is more than just a gimmick. No dissections on the Superboy story, but in the Legion character spread Night Girl and Shadow Lass have the info caption boxes switched between them.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There are other mistakes, such as omitting important powers from certain info boxes (namely Superman's invulnerability, or the fact that Polar Boy doesn't just control cold, he generates it too).
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECT THE LEGION."

TITLE: Adventure Comics (DC Comics).

ISSUE: 504.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Try this one, it's easy.


DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 602.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

DISSECTION: Harry's eyes are colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, there's an accented letter smaller than it should be.
<-------------------------------->
"LE BUREAU DU ACCENTS."

TITLE: B.P.R.D.: 1947 (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Clem Robins (letterer).

DISSECTION: Two letters with accents are smaller than they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"BLACKEST NIT."

TITLE: Blackest Night (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 8.

CULPRIT: Ivan Reis (penciller).

DISSECTION: Again, Hal's chest emblem, and his ring, are wrong over and over.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BOOSTER EYES."

TITLE: Booster Gold V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Raven and Rip Hunter get their eyes colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each. Second feature (have I told you how much I love these second features?) colorist Guy Major also gets the eye color wrong for Blue Beetle's friend Paco.
<-------------------------------->
"VERY WEL."

TITLE: Captain America Theater of War: To Soldier On (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Fernando Blanco (artist).

DISSECTION: Yeah, I love it that more non-American artists work in big American comics these days, but can we at least make sure they spell check stuff, even if their English is not good.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"52."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: Various.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I've been labeling issue numbers of Wednesday Comics as if it had twelve issues only; when it's a yearlong weekly comic. I've done it three times.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SEVEN OF EIGHT."

TITLE: G.I. Joe Special-Helix (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Andy Schmidt (editor).

DISSECTION: At the end of the book, there's an ad for G.I. Joe regular series, issue #7... when issue #8 came out this month.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BADGE SWITCHEROO."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 39.

CULPRIT: Patrick Gleason (penciller).

DISSECTION: Kyle Rayner's badge (I'm going to start calling them badges, which is what they are) is wrong. Some people have suggested that perhaps Hal Jordan changed the look of his own badge, but when they get several Lanterns' badges wrong, and now they're giving Kyle the same badge Hal should have, and Hal a badge that looks a lot like Kyle's should.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"INCREDIBLE HERCULOR."

TITLE: Incredible Hercules (Marvel).

ISSUE: 132.

CULPRIT: Guillem Mari (colorist).

DISSECTION: Both Hercules' and Athena's eyes are colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"A BREEZE OF EYE COLOR CHANGE."

TITLE: JSA VS Kobra (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Art Lyon (colorist).

DISSECTION: Cyclone's eyes are colored blue, when she has green eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Jay Garrick's boots are drawn wrong too.
<-------------------------------->
"S.C.A.R.F."

TITLE: R.E.B.E.L.S. (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Andy Clarke (penciller).

DISSECTION: I'm glad Andy Clarke is back, but he got Scar's emblem and robes wrong.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ALL HAIL MIGHTY DARKSEID."

TITLE: Titans V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Brian Cunningham (editor).

DISSECTION: An editor caption says that Darkseid's Justifier helmets enslaved most of the DCU in Final Crisis; when they only enslaved most of the population of Earth.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Red Arrow's hair is colored blonde, when he has red hair.
<-------------------------------->
"THE MISWRITTEN."

TITLE: The Unwritten (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Todd Klein (letterer).

DISSECTION: Two accented letters are smaller than they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"DEFECTIVE COMICS. TAKE TWO."

TITLE: Various DC Books Released On 08/12 (DC).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Pat Brosseau (letterer).

DISSECTION: So, the new Magog book is written by "Kieth" Giffen?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WEDNESDAY MIXUP."

TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 52.

CULPRIT: Blambot's Nate Piekos (letterer, Metamorpho story).

DISSECTION: Metamorpho has a plan, then congratulates Element Girl on her good thinking.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Iris West's eyes are colored incorrectly, again.
<-------------------------------->
"ACCENTS FOREVER."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Tom Orzechowski (letterer).

DISSECTION: Just an accented letter smaller than it should be, a surprise when it comes to a Chris Claremont book these days.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So, we had a 6.3 Bazzar average in thirty-seven dissections; pretty standard. Before the Moments Of The Week, I have a new section, which I've been wanting to do for a while... The Cover of The Week! Turns out there weren't any fantastic covers this week, so I went with one with classic value:


Mister Dave Cockrum's lovely Storm, from the Marvel 70th Anniversary variant cover for X-Men Forever #5. It's nice, not awesome, since they just took a Cockrum sketch, colored it and slapped it on a cover, but it's the best this week. Alright then, we've got quite a few Moments Of The Week this week, so here we go, first up is Starman confirming that Quislet is still around:


Of course, Starman is insane, but Geoff Johns himself told me we'd see more of Quislet. Is Geoff insane too? Next up, I know Rond Vidar's been an honorary Legionnaire, but this preview is just too cool:


An actual Green Lantern Legionnaire!!! Nerdgasm!!! More Lantern stuff, this is scary:


And that's why you should cremate your super powered dead. Next, how do you honor a dead Wolverine?


Of course, the German guy gets it! And I betcha he didn't get him American beer! Next, from an older comic, Comic Book Comics #2 (a book I recommend heartily, from the same creators as Action Philosophers), a look on Wertham's scientific method and its "rebukal" by comic book advocates:


Ah, William Moulton Marston, you kinky bastard. Next, from the same book, TV stars' wacky anticks:


Indeed, Caped Cuckolder! And, yet one more from this book:


So true... Last, but not least, the Avengers Assemble!


The Pet Avengers, that is! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #127.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"The zombie horde tears into you like a pack of three year olds into a bag of two cent candy." B.A. Felton, Knights Of The Dinner Table #139.

Yes, that quote is from last year, but it’s still funny, and I just got the issue. Trying to stay on top, here's the column for comics released on 07/29, and let's start by congratulating Ensign JohnnyDoe for cracking the DT! from last week. Tigra's feet look like normal female feet, instead of having claws like she should. JD also pointed out that her hands look too much like claws, but I'll let that pass as artistic license. Badge for you, old bean!

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was Ignition City #4; nothing spectacular, but Warren Ellis writes a nice tale, no matter the setting, and "pulppunk" is a strong suit for him. Worst Book Of The Week was Ultimatum #5... last issue of a stinker of an event, which probably ruined the Ultimate universe. Dissections time now.
<-------------------------------->
"DOOMED LETTERING."

TITLE: Batman: The Brave And The Bold (DC).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: A word balloon intended for Batman points towards Robotman. Travis, you're just not paying attention to the Johnny DC titles, eh?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ALBERT MATCH FREE."

TITLE: Battlefields: The Tankies (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Garth Ennis (writer).

DISSECTION: As usual, Dominik helped me with the German in this issue. Ennis has a Nazi officer use the phrase "Arbeiten sie ihre besondere zauberei", which is Babelfish translation of "Work your special magic." However, that phrase doesn't exist in German, and the verb "arbeiten" can't be used in that way. A suitable alternative would have been "Tu das, was du am besten kannst.", which translates as "Do what you do best".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Badge for you, Dom.
<-------------------------------->
"HE BOUGHT IT ON AMAZON."

TITLE: Blackest Night: Tales Of The Corps (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Mike Mayhew (artist) and/or Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: Arisia's father gives her a book by Tomar Re... and Re's name is on regular Latin characters on the cover. I'm not buying that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, when Arisia joins the Corps, Guy Gardner is seen in Oa. He wouldn't have been there at the moment, since he was in a coma at the time; plus, he wouldn't have been wearing his personalized uniform, even if it was during the short time before his coma where he covered for Hal.
<-------------------------------->
"THE GOBLIN AND EYE."

TITLE: Dark Reign: The Goblin Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Tom Chu (colorist).

DISSECTION: Even if this very book includes profiles for Harry and Norman Osborn stating their eyes are blue, they still get their eyes colored incorrectly. Consistency, please.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LETHAL EYES."

TITLE: Dark Reign: Lethal Legion (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Chris Sotomayor (colorist).

DISSECTION: You've guessed it, it's Norman's eyes again.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SIÑISTER SPIDER-MAN."

TITLE: Dark Reign: The Sinister Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Brian Reed (writer).

DISSECTION: "Ibanez", the last name of what seems to be NYPD's Chief should be "Ibáñez". "Ibanez" doesn't exist.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Norman's eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"NORMAN IN DA HIZZAZ!!!"

TITLE: Dark Reign: Young Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Sotocolor's Larry Molinar & Adam Street (colorists).

DISSECTION: Norman Osborn is in this issue. Take a guess.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There's also a letter with a diacritic that's undersized.
<-------------------------------->
"WOLVEINE."

TITLE: Dark X-Men: The Beginning (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Rob Williams (writer).

DISSECTION: Norman Osborn calls Daken a "berserker", but Daken answers with "beserker".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars. Also, since Norman is in this issue, so you know what that means.
<-------------------------------->
"BOW-CHICA-WA-WA."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 855.

CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer).

DISSECTION: If Varga's dialogue is between brackets, to signify that it's actually in Spanish, why does it include the word "chica" in Spanish, instead of "girl" in English?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YO, SISTER!"

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 855.

CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer) and/or Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).

DISSECTION: Mean Jeff sent me this dissection he spotted:

"Herr Magnus,

In case you don't know, just thought I'd bring to your attention page 5 of the Question back-up in Detective 855.

On the first page, Renee tells Varga, "Hector Soliz wants to know where his SISTER is, Varga." Yet on page 5, after she puts a beatdown on Varga, she asks "Where's Hector, Sister?"

If you're an editor, are you supposed to READ the rough draft before it goes to print and make corrections, or is the title just a formality?

Seems to be a lot of this going around.

-Mean Jeff"

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars. Thanks for this, Jeff, and here's another badge for you.
<-------------------------------->
"MEA CULPA, MEA."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 127.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe caught this one:

"Another thing, in the "FANTASTIC CONTACT LENSES." part you wrote "DISSECTION: Mr. Fantastic's eyes should be brown, but they've been colored brown.".
Well if that is the case all should be fine then :-)"

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Thanks JD, another badge for you. Two more and you'll make Lieutenant. I've also been neglecting to label Unknown Soldier as V4.
<-------------------------------->
"LAURIE LEMMON, NOT LORI LEMARIS."

TITLE: Final Crisis: Legion Of 3 Worlds (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Over at the Legion Omnicom, Boox909 gave me a heads up that on this issue, Superboy-Prime's girlfriend, Laurie Lemmon is called "Lori" in this issue, when she was correctly called "Laurie" in previous issues.

Boox9009, allow me to welcome you to the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps, with your first badge and the rank of Ensign.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, on the credits, George Pérez' "é" gets mangled.
<-------------------------------->
"BLUE MARBLES."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Pete Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: It's not Norman, but Hoshi Kimiyo's eyes are colored blue, when they should be black. Do you just start coloring a comic book decide to give a Japanese character blue eyes, and you can't see anything odd about that?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Plastic Man's legs are painted as if he wore pants... and he doesn't; all in the same page where he is colored correctly in the rest of the panels
<-------------------------------->
"A TRUE MAMMOTH."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Jesús Merino (artist).

DISSECTION: Mammoth is a large man, but he's not inhumanly big; yet Merino draws him so that each of his arms is the size of Citizen Steel's entire body.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There are also a few costuming mistakes, plus Merino's first name is shown in the credits as "Jesus".
<-------------------------------->
"SENORA SANADÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚÚ!!!"

TITLE: Madame Xanadu (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: Matt, it's "Señora" and "Tomás", not "Senora" and "Tomas".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"BABIES: IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE, THEY SHIFT SIZE ALL THE TIME."

TITLE: New Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 55.

CULPRIT: Stuart Immonen (penciller).

DISSECTION: Danielle Cage is drawn much smaller and younger than she should be, and bald, as a two or three months old baby, when she's shown to be at least one year old. and with a full head of hair.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There are other mistakes, like making Jessica Jones' hair orange, and drawing and coloring Captain America's boots incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"TO BOLDLY PUT YOUR BALLOONS..."

TITLE: Star Trek: Mission's End (IDW).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Neil Uyetake (letterer).

DISSECTION: A word balloon for Kirk is actually pointing at Spock. Oh, I got my Burger King Spock Prime toy today!!! I still want a Scotty and a regular Spock toy, but even though I've been to BK four times in the past month and a half, I haven't been able to get one. Kewl toys, except that the Spanish voices for the chips were recorded by Polish people who don't speak the language...

My kid opted for the ships and instruments, he has the communicator, the Jellyfish, and the Enterprise. Here's the whole set.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. The Star Trek II add is also on this book.
<-------------------------------->
"SOLO TUS OJOS."

TITLE: Star Wars Adventures: Princess Leia and the Royal Ransom (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Atiyeh (colorist).

DISSECTION: Han Solo's eyes are colored green during most of the issue... then brown (as they should be) for a couple of panels... then green again. So, not only are you unable to look at character references for one of the MAIN CHARACTERS OF THE STAR WARS SAGA, but you're also unable to keep your crap consistent for a single comic?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Yes. It's Han FUCKING Solo, not BoShek (who has brown eyes too, BTW & FYI).
<-------------------------------->
"COLORINKA, TOVARISCH."

TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).

ISSUE: 134.

CULPRIT: Frank Martin (colorist).

DISSECTION: Incorrectly colored eyes? Yes, but not Norman's but Natasha Romanova's. Her eyes should be green, but they're colored blue here.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, there's a Russian vowel with diacritic that's smaller than it should be.
<-------------------------------->
"UNKNOWN SEÑOR."

TITLE: Unknown Soldier V4 (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Joshua Dysart (writer).

DISSECTION: Please, please!!! It's "señor", not "senor"!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WEDNESDAY THIS!"

TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 12.

CULPRIT: Jimmy Palmiotti (writer).

DISSECTION: Find me this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. There are also some eyes colored incorrectly, Iris' and Hawkman's.
<-------------------------------->
MAGNITO.""

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer) and/or Jordan D. White & Charlie Beckerman (assistant editors) and/or Mark Paniccia (editor).

DISSECTION: On the recap page, what's a "supremicist"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. There are also several smaller accented letters.
<-------------------------------->
We had an average 6.4 Bazzars in forty eight Dissections. Now it's time for the Moments Of The Week. First up, the Tankies say goodbye having a good smoke:


Reminds me of a story... a guy I know used to smoke Russian cigarettes he bought from sailors in the harbor. They were NASTY pieces of shit that smelled awful; probably made out of one third normal tobacco, one third black tobacco, and one third Chernobyl waste. One day, in college (when you could still smoke in class), he left his pack of smokes on his chair, and went to ask the professor a question. When he returned to his seat, the smokes were gone, but he found some money and a note that read "BUY YOURSELF SOME MARLBOROS, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

I guess it's funnier when he tells it... Next up, I get a guest spot on Ignition City!!!


And this is how my house would smell:


... if it wasn't for my wife. Now, for some Star Wars fun, what's 100% necessary in Star Wars? Starships? Jedi? Adventure? Aliens?


No, incest. Even they are half-siblings, you just need to add their mom, Nyna Calixte (aka Morrigan Corde) and we'll have a threencestsome! And last, still in Star Wars, Grand Admiral/Grand Moff/High Moff Morlish Veed adds another title to his collection:



Yeah, he's not going to take advantage of his situation.... particularly not when it would shorten his business card by just making it read "Emperor". That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #125.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Did we just get our butts kicked by Trident? (...) You don't even know who that is, do you? (...) Yeah, I just let my team get beat by someone named after a toothpaste. (...) How could this get worse? Oh, that's how. We have to be saved by the Older Titans. How lame to have your "big brother" come fight your fights. Thanks, Nightwing. Dick." Robin, Teen Titans, Wednesday Comics #2.

Sorry I'm late, but I've been behind in my comic reading... and if I don't finish the comics for a given week (or at least those I received), I prefer not to write the column. This is the column for comics released on 07/15; so let's get on with it. Kal cracked the DT! this time; Destro talks about "Hiesenberg Uncertainty Principles"... ignoring the fact that it's just one principle, not several, the name is "Heisenberg", not "Hiesenberg". Badge for you, my Canuck friend!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was Amazing Spider-Man #599... great ending for a great saga ("American Son"), and like I always say, that book is S.O.L.I.D. (wow, that whole acronym thing was so 90s...), and it always delivers. Worst Book Of The Week? Final Crisis Aftermath: Escape #3... God, what a piece of crap. Not only is this a horrible "The Prisoner" rip-off, the art is incredibly subpar, it's unbelievable someone is getting paid for drawing that. Look at the dissection for that book in this column and you'll see what I mean.
<-------------------------------->
"AIRPOST."

TITLE: Air (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: G. Willow Wilson (writer).

DISSECTION: Gee-Wee... what the heck is a "passpost?"

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MORE THAN TWIST IN MY SOBRIETY."

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 599.

CULPRIT: Joe Kelly (writer).

DISSECTION: Boy, are we glad Harry Osborn's "sobreity" is not in danger any longer...

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Oh, and Jeromy (Cox), while you colored Norman's eyes correctly... you didn't do the same with Harry. His eyes should be blue, not green.
<-------------------------------->
"BLACKEST EMBLEM."

TITLE: Blackest Night: Tales Of The Corps. (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Doug Mahnke (penciller, Green Lantern Corps profile).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan's chest emblem is wrong... and so are Kyle Rayner's and John Stewart's. In fact, the emblems on the latter two is more similar to Hal's correct emblem than the one Mahnke gave him. Really, Hal Jordan's chest emblem is way simpler and, structurally speaking, even more iconic than those worn by Batman and Superman.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"OH! MY PRETTY FACE!!!"

TITLE: Blackest Night (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Damage says that when the Secret Society killed the Freedom Fighters, he was left with "a crushed naval cavity and a mangled profile". What? "Naval cavity"? Is that where you hide boats? It can't be a "navel" cavity, since there's no such thing, really, medically speaking... or since his face got fucked up... was it his "NASAL" cavity? I'm pretty sure I would have spotted this one, but Mean Jeff spotted it first, so he gets a badge.

Here's what Jeff had to say about Damage's whining: "(...) Damage talks about how he saw his former team mates, the Freedom Fighters, get killed while he was on their roster. "I was left alive with a crushed naval {sic} cavity and a mangled profile," he says. A crushed naval cavity? Sooo...he got punched in the belly button and it ruined his side-pose?"

I agree with you, Jeff, and thanks for e-mailing me saying that you're a loyal reader and "always a fan". It warms my heart, you have no idea how much.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, there's nine instances of wrong GL emblems (on Hal, Guy, and Kilowog), as well as wrong coloring on Kyle Rayner's Ion costume gloves.
<-------------------------------->
"THE BRAVE AND THE 'STACHED."

TITLE: The Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Adam Beechen (writer).

DISSECTION: Blue Beetle wonders if Hardware has a moustache... when he can see his face perfectly, since Hardware's helmet is open-faced.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"EYE OF THE GOBLIN."

TITLE: Dark Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Rain Beredo (colorist).

DISSECTION: Again, Norman Osborn's eyes are colored brown instead of blue. Yes, it's a minor mistake, that doesn't detract from enjoyment of the story... but how hard is it to check character references when you are given a job to do? I'm sorry if I come across as too harsh, but that's very unprofessional. I mean, Beredo's not a full author, pencilling, writing, inking, coloring, etc... he just has to color the comic. Yes, it's no easy task, and I can't do it... but he just has to color it... and get the colors of character features right.

EDIT: Just after I finished this column, Rain Beredo left a comment on column #122 letting me know that he colors Norman's eyes brown by order of Tom Breevort. Thanks. Rain.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NEGATIVE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Dark Reign: Mr. Negative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Gianluca Gugliotta (artist).

DISSECTION: Spot me this one, please:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SUPER FRIENDS OF WORD BALLOONS."

TITLE: DC Super Friends (DC).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: Flash's word balloon points, and is positioned over Chronos

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PLEASE, MISTER."

TITLE: Descendant (Image).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Michael Dolce & Marcus Perry (writers).

DISSECTION: The Spanish word for "mister" is "señor", not "senor". Gracias.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FIRE... TO HIS PENCILS."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Escape (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Marco Rudy (penciller).

DISSECTION: God... How does Rudy get a job pencilling? Look, let me show you Fire, Beatriz da Costa, one of the sexiest women in the DC Universe:


Sexy, right? And this is how Rudy draws her:


Not only does Rudy have the artistic ability of Robocop (which wouldn't be a dissection on its own), but he draws Fire with a completely different shaped head and hair from panel to panel.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. The horror.
<-------------------------------->
"NOW, THAT'S IMAGE RESOLUTION!"

TITLE: Punisher V8 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Rick Remender (writer).

DISSECTION: Punisher's new hacker (don't remember his name, don't care) verifies The Wraith's identity by using a S.H.I.E.L.D. satellite to READ HIS DNA. I'm sorry, but if S.H.I.E.L.D. satellites could read DNA (which is absurd, even in a fantasy world as Marvel's), we would have heard about it before... you know, the millions of times when there's characters whose identity is unknown, or doppelgangers. So... no.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SCALPING LETTERS."

TITLE: Scalped (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Steve Wands (letterer).

DISSECTION: R.M. Guéra's name in the credits has an "é" smaller than the rest of the letters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NEW ADVERTISING TECHNIQUES."

TITLE: Star Trek: Crew (IDW).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Ryan (editor).

DISSECTION: If it's the end of July, and the adaptation of Star Trek: TWOK is already over... why is there an advertising for it on this book, reading "JUNE 2009" in big blue and red font?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Yes, it could be an add to get you to buy the back issues, but...
<-------------------------------->
"IRIS OF THE EYES."

TITLE: Wednesday Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 12.

CULPRIT: Dave McCaig (colorist, Flash Comics).

DISSECTION: Iris eyes are colored incorrectly again. And the Teen Titans costumes are all wrong, but I've come to accept that none of these stories are in continuity.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
That's it then, we have a 6.6 Bazzars average in twenty-seven dissections. Before we finish this (late column, and it'll make the next one late again, I'm afraid), here's the Moments Of The Week. First up, sexual freedom was more common in the forties than I thought:


"BUT I AM NOT A MAN, I AM MARVEX, THE SUPER ROBOT!" Next, you know I'm a sucker for Green Lantern:


Even if Hal's chest emblem is wrong... oh, and his ring emblem is wrong too! Another dissection! But then Blackest Night gives me the creeps:


I winced and cried out "OH FUCK!" when I saw that. Next, what's a new Avengers' headquarters without Jarvis?


Thank God it's self-cleaning!

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!