(From Black Panther: The Most Dangerous Man Alive #523.1, September 2011.)
Showing posts with label black panther. Show all posts
Showing posts with label black panther. Show all posts
Friday, October 07, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Dissector #200.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
06/01"I came to Gotham as an adult to break the Batman. So I beat him. I did what no other could. Not Luthor, not those loathsome psychopaths in Arkham. And when he was beaten... I snapped his spine over my knee in a joyful sound that I have dreamt of every night since." Bane, Secret Six V3 #34.
06/08"Electro, I always meant to tell you... You were my greatest adversary and it was an honor to battle you. Oh wait. That wasn't you. I barely ever gave you a second's thought." Spider-Man, Ultimate Spider-Man #159.
06/15"Aquaman sinks half of Europe... and he's considered the most dangerous being on the planet. I slaughter half of Africa... and most people don't even know my name. Location, location, location." President Grodd, Flashpoint: Grodd Of War.
06/22"Kraven is about to learn the most important rule of fighting me... if you allow me to strike back, you have already lost." Black Panther, Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #520.
06/29"My plan... is to give the X-Men what they want... more mutants." Scarlet Witch, Avengers: The Children's Crusade #6.
It is with a heavy heart, that I welcome you to the column for the month of June. Heavy heart because this will be the last installment of The Dissector, at least for some time. I'm not killing the column forever, merely placing it in carbonite for a long, undetermined hiatus. You've noticed I haven't posted a column in months, even though I kept on compiling notes for this month, July, and August. When I started reading September's books, I decided it was time to let the column go for now.
Why? Well, as I've said before, I'm very busy with my day job, and now, thankfully, paid writing jobs (did you check out the flash game "Kingdom Rush"? I wrote the texts for that, and I'm working on the sequel already!), and some small, yet promising comic book lettering jobs. On top of that, I'm writing and editing comics in Spanish for the small imprint I'm part of, GAS Comics... and at some point, you'll see them in English as well (like this story I published on Hadron Colliderscope).
I just don't have the time to keep up and write this column as it deserves, but... you know what? I just decided that I'll transform this into a proper blog. I don't want to kill The Dissector, it'll just stop being a column for now, and have occasional blog posts, with a dissection that's just an image and a few lines; or even a cool moment (a la Moments Of The Week). I just can't kill the Dissector... he's stronger than me!!! So that's what it's going to be like: no schedule, no long-winded posts (unless I feel like it), no firm structure, no ratings, etc.
For now, however, enjoy the last column... but stay tuned. Last column's DT! was cracked by Johnny Doe: Alan Scott's power comes from his ring so only his right hand should be glowing. Yeah, the Starheart's power is within him and all that jazz, but still. Now, The Dissector's Picks For Each Week:
Best Book Of The Week of 06/01 was Thunderbolts #168; I'm not a fan of any of the character
starring there, yet Jeff Parker makes them engaging. Kev Walker's art (with Frank Martin's colors) give the book a gritty feeling that's fitting for a book starring mostly convicts or ex-convicts. Worst Book that week was the first issue of the new volume of S.H.I.E.L.D.; as much as I love retro super-science (almost technomagic), and Dustin Weaver's art is pretty cool, Hickman's tendency to overcomplicate things just to seem deep makes it a boring read. Maybe that's not Hickman's intention, but it ends up feeling that way to me. Cover Of The Week is this wonderful piece by Sabrina Alberghetti for Chip 'N' Dale #7. I can relate to Monty's love for cheese.
Best Book for 06/08 was the first issue of Mystery Men; Marvel's miniseries introducing pulp-era heroes. As a writer who knows the style, David Liss is perfect for this book, and creates characters that fit the era's stereotypes superbly. Patrick Zircher's art captures the right feel for the 30s; with great color by Andy Troy. Worst Book was Red Robin #24. I have no idea why I was reading this book, it's not bad, but it's definitely not my kind of book... and the art by Marcus To is technically good, but bland. Cover for this week was Joe Jusko's beautiful painting for Warlord Of Mars #7. Jusko captures exactly what this book is about.
Week Of 06/15 has as Best Book Hellblazer #280, Peter Milligan's run keeps delivering,
and while guest artist Gael Bertrand's style is not what I'd prefer, it doesn't disappoint. Trish Mulvihill's colors are probably the main reason why I still felt at home with Bertrand's art. Worst Book this week was Teen Titans #96, wake me up when the whole trip to Hindu hell is over. Cover this week was this simple, yet nice circus poster by Cliff Chiang, for issue one of Flashpoint: Deadman And The Flying Graysons.
Best Book for the week of 06/22 is Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #520.
This book never ceases to entertain, David Liss' script for is great, and while Jefte Palo is not Francesco Francavilla, his art sure is up to the task. Worst Book was Superman #712. JMS's utterly boring "Superman walks through America" arc is interrupted by a bland fill-in issue starring Krypto, written by Kurt Busiek. It could have been palatable, if it wasn't for the awful art by Rick Leonardi, who can't draw a human being without a face that looks like it belongs to a Dick Tracy villain. Cover for this week is that beautiful piece by Alex Ross for Rocketeer Adventures #2... would make a great poster.
Last week of the month, 06/29, has as Best Book the second to last issue of The Strange Case
of Mr. Hyde, issue #3. I can't stress enough how good this book is, and how it'd be a great TPB gift for people that don't usually read comics. Cole Haddon's script is neither pretentious nor silly; finding a perfect middle road to tell this tale; while MS Corley's art excels at evoking Victorian times, while being agreeable to modern artistic sensibilities. Buy the collected edition for someone when it comes out; or go buy the four issues online or from your friendly local comic book store. Worst Book of the week was Flashpoint: Project Superman #1. It wasn't inherently bad, just bland and uninteresting. Cover of the week is Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #11, by Dan Panosian... not a particularly beautiful cover, but definitely one that grabs your attention.
Let's get on with this last column...
<-------------------------------->
"RED THIS COLUMN. OR GREEN IT."
TITLE: The Dissector (Clockwork Chap).
ISSUE: 199.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: Sidney noticed that I wrote that I had "red" Action Comics #901. Badge for Sidney... oh, BTW, you can still earn badges come the Dissector's new format, don't fret!
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING."
TITLE: Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (DC).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: Rob Leigh (letterer).
DISSECTION: In addition to a character being called a "dignitary" during the whole issue, at one point the dialogues are overflowing the balloons. That's a very glaring lettering mistake.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?"
TITLE: John Byrne's Next Men (IDW).
ISSUE: 07.
CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).
DISSECTION: Byrne calls one of his characters "Antonio", when her name is "Antonia", being a woman. He also writes "sectretarty" instead of "secretary", and while I don't do typos anymore, these two were pretty glaring.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each. The book also ends without a "to be continued" notice or anything along those lines, making you wonder if your copy is missing a page.
<-------------------------------->
"FOREIGN NAMES!"
TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer).
DISSECTION: Artist Carlos Rodríguez is credited as "Rodrîguez"; a last name that doesn't exist. Paying a little attention to names that are foreign to you is just a matter of respect...
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LOOK MA! BOTH HANDS!"
TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).
ISSUE: 712.
CULPRIT: Rick Leonardi (penciller).
DISSECTION: For the umpteenth time, a flashback to Superboy's death in Infinite Crisis is shown, and he has both hands.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SNIFFING PIXIE DUST."
TITLE: X-Men: Prelude To Schism (Marvel).
ISSUE: 03 of 04.
CULPRIT: Will Conrad (penciller) & Lee Loughridge (colorist).
DISSECTION: Regardless of the fact that Namor is wearing his Speedo costume in one page, and then later his current costume; Pixie appears at the end, but she looks nothing like she should. Different wings, different hair, different costume, etc. She looks more like Wasp from The Ultimates.
I still don't understand what this mini was about, really, since it doesn't seem to have anything to do with Schism...
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars all around...
<-------------------------------->
Average was 6.4 Bazzars in nine dissections, pretty normal. Now, the Moments Of The Month! From 06/01, Peter Parker geeks out about something more important than anything that's happened in his superhero career:
That's what I like about Dan Slott, he gives Pete his scientific dues (Fred Van Lente does, too). The following week, but from the Ultimate universe, Aunt May shows she's hardcore:
Sadly, she couldn't save Pete. Over at Superman, this is what I meant earlier about Rick Leonardi's art:
Does he think they're all Bizarros? From 06/15, Iron Man's Fear Itself tie-in arc... watch the bottle. Now you see it...
Now you don't, Tony has it! From 06/22, who's able to deflect any insult?
Bladezz! And with just two words... Rocketeer Adventures not only gave us one of the covers of the week, but this moment:
Simply awesome. And to finish this column, a moment from 06/29's "Mr. Hyde":
Accuracy, people, please. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
06/01"I came to Gotham as an adult to break the Batman. So I beat him. I did what no other could. Not Luthor, not those loathsome psychopaths in Arkham. And when he was beaten... I snapped his spine over my knee in a joyful sound that I have dreamt of every night since." Bane, Secret Six V3 #34.
06/08"Electro, I always meant to tell you... You were my greatest adversary and it was an honor to battle you. Oh wait. That wasn't you. I barely ever gave you a second's thought." Spider-Man, Ultimate Spider-Man #159.
06/15"Aquaman sinks half of Europe... and he's considered the most dangerous being on the planet. I slaughter half of Africa... and most people don't even know my name. Location, location, location." President Grodd, Flashpoint: Grodd Of War.
06/22"Kraven is about to learn the most important rule of fighting me... if you allow me to strike back, you have already lost." Black Panther, Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #520.
06/29"My plan... is to give the X-Men what they want... more mutants." Scarlet Witch, Avengers: The Children's Crusade #6.
It is with a heavy heart, that I welcome you to the column for the month of June. Heavy heart because this will be the last installment of The Dissector, at least for some time. I'm not killing the column forever, merely placing it in carbonite for a long, undetermined hiatus. You've noticed I haven't posted a column in months, even though I kept on compiling notes for this month, July, and August. When I started reading September's books, I decided it was time to let the column go for now.
Why? Well, as I've said before, I'm very busy with my day job, and now, thankfully, paid writing jobs (did you check out the flash game "Kingdom Rush"? I wrote the texts for that, and I'm working on the sequel already!), and some small, yet promising comic book lettering jobs. On top of that, I'm writing and editing comics in Spanish for the small imprint I'm part of, GAS Comics... and at some point, you'll see them in English as well (like this story I published on Hadron Colliderscope).
I just don't have the time to keep up and write this column as it deserves, but... you know what? I just decided that I'll transform this into a proper blog. I don't want to kill The Dissector, it'll just stop being a column for now, and have occasional blog posts, with a dissection that's just an image and a few lines; or even a cool moment (a la Moments Of The Week). I just can't kill the Dissector... he's stronger than me!!! So that's what it's going to be like: no schedule, no long-winded posts (unless I feel like it), no firm structure, no ratings, etc.
For now, however, enjoy the last column... but stay tuned. Last column's DT! was cracked by Johnny Doe: Alan Scott's power comes from his ring so only his right hand should be glowing. Yeah, the Starheart's power is within him and all that jazz, but still. Now, The Dissector's Picks For Each Week:
Best Book Of The Week of 06/01 was Thunderbolts #168; I'm not a fan of any of the character
starring there, yet Jeff Parker makes them engaging. Kev Walker's art (with Frank Martin's colors) give the book a gritty feeling that's fitting for a book starring mostly convicts or ex-convicts. Worst Book that week was the first issue of the new volume of S.H.I.E.L.D.; as much as I love retro super-science (almost technomagic), and Dustin Weaver's art is pretty cool, Hickman's tendency to overcomplicate things just to seem deep makes it a boring read. Maybe that's not Hickman's intention, but it ends up feeling that way to me. Cover Of The Week is this wonderful piece by Sabrina Alberghetti for Chip 'N' Dale #7. I can relate to Monty's love for cheese.
Best Book for 06/08 was the first issue of Mystery Men; Marvel's miniseries introducing pulp-era heroes. As a writer who knows the style, David Liss is perfect for this book, and creates characters that fit the era's stereotypes superbly. Patrick Zircher's art captures the right feel for the 30s; with great color by Andy Troy. Worst Book was Red Robin #24. I have no idea why I was reading this book, it's not bad, but it's definitely not my kind of book... and the art by Marcus To is technically good, but bland. Cover for this week was Joe Jusko's beautiful painting for Warlord Of Mars #7. Jusko captures exactly what this book is about.Week Of 06/15 has as Best Book Hellblazer #280, Peter Milligan's run keeps delivering,
and while guest artist Gael Bertrand's style is not what I'd prefer, it doesn't disappoint. Trish Mulvihill's colors are probably the main reason why I still felt at home with Bertrand's art. Worst Book this week was Teen Titans #96, wake me up when the whole trip to Hindu hell is over. Cover this week was this simple, yet nice circus poster by Cliff Chiang, for issue one of Flashpoint: Deadman And The Flying Graysons.Best Book for the week of 06/22 is Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #520.
This book never ceases to entertain, David Liss' script for is great, and while Jefte Palo is not Francesco Francavilla, his art sure is up to the task. Worst Book was Superman #712. JMS's utterly boring "Superman walks through America" arc is interrupted by a bland fill-in issue starring Krypto, written by Kurt Busiek. It could have been palatable, if it wasn't for the awful art by Rick Leonardi, who can't draw a human being without a face that looks like it belongs to a Dick Tracy villain. Cover for this week is that beautiful piece by Alex Ross for Rocketeer Adventures #2... would make a great poster.Last week of the month, 06/29, has as Best Book the second to last issue of The Strange Case
of Mr. Hyde, issue #3. I can't stress enough how good this book is, and how it'd be a great TPB gift for people that don't usually read comics. Cole Haddon's script is neither pretentious nor silly; finding a perfect middle road to tell this tale; while MS Corley's art excels at evoking Victorian times, while being agreeable to modern artistic sensibilities. Buy the collected edition for someone when it comes out; or go buy the four issues online or from your friendly local comic book store. Worst Book of the week was Flashpoint: Project Superman #1. It wasn't inherently bad, just bland and uninteresting. Cover of the week is Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #11, by Dan Panosian... not a particularly beautiful cover, but definitely one that grabs your attention.Let's get on with this last column...
<-------------------------------->
"RED THIS COLUMN. OR GREEN IT."
TITLE: The Dissector (Clockwork Chap).
ISSUE: 199.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: Sidney noticed that I wrote that I had "red" Action Comics #901. Badge for Sidney... oh, BTW, you can still earn badges come the Dissector's new format, don't fret!
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING."
TITLE: Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (DC).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: Rob Leigh (letterer).
DISSECTION: In addition to a character being called a "dignitary" during the whole issue, at one point the dialogues are overflowing the balloons. That's a very glaring lettering mistake.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?"
TITLE: John Byrne's Next Men (IDW).
ISSUE: 07.
CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).
DISSECTION: Byrne calls one of his characters "Antonio", when her name is "Antonia", being a woman. He also writes "sectretarty" instead of "secretary", and while I don't do typos anymore, these two were pretty glaring.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each. The book also ends without a "to be continued" notice or anything along those lines, making you wonder if your copy is missing a page.
<-------------------------------->
"FOREIGN NAMES!"
TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel).
ISSUE: 11.
CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer).
DISSECTION: Artist Carlos Rodríguez is credited as "Rodrîguez"; a last name that doesn't exist. Paying a little attention to names that are foreign to you is just a matter of respect...
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LOOK MA! BOTH HANDS!"
TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).
ISSUE: 712.
CULPRIT: Rick Leonardi (penciller).
DISSECTION: For the umpteenth time, a flashback to Superboy's death in Infinite Crisis is shown, and he has both hands.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SNIFFING PIXIE DUST."
TITLE: X-Men: Prelude To Schism (Marvel).
ISSUE: 03 of 04.
CULPRIT: Will Conrad (penciller) & Lee Loughridge (colorist).
DISSECTION: Regardless of the fact that Namor is wearing his Speedo costume in one page, and then later his current costume; Pixie appears at the end, but she looks nothing like she should. Different wings, different hair, different costume, etc. She looks more like Wasp from The Ultimates.
I still don't understand what this mini was about, really, since it doesn't seem to have anything to do with Schism...
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars all around...
<-------------------------------->
Average was 6.4 Bazzars in nine dissections, pretty normal. Now, the Moments Of The Month! From 06/01, Peter Parker geeks out about something more important than anything that's happened in his superhero career:
That's what I like about Dan Slott, he gives Pete his scientific dues (Fred Van Lente does, too). The following week, but from the Ultimate universe, Aunt May shows she's hardcore:
Sadly, she couldn't save Pete. Over at Superman, this is what I meant earlier about Rick Leonardi's art:
Does he think they're all Bizarros? From 06/15, Iron Man's Fear Itself tie-in arc... watch the bottle. Now you see it...
Now you don't, Tony has it! From 06/22, who's able to deflect any insult?
Bladezz! And with just two words... Rocketeer Adventures not only gave us one of the covers of the week, but this moment:
Simply awesome. And to finish this column, a moment from 06/29's "Mr. Hyde":
Accuracy, people, please. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
The Dissector #199.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
05-04 "Bah! I can travel in both time and relative dimensions in space!" Doctor Dinosaur, Atomic Robo & Others Free Comic Book Day 2011.
05-11 "This is nothing but bullshit! You expect us to believe that he can't get into this school because he hasn't passed English???? That's the worst excuse I've heard in my entire fucking life. What is it? You didn't like his psych test because this moron wrote all that crap about death and Jim Morrison's grave?" La Ranita, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll.
05-18 "Tony said he hated the Norse god speech pattern I'd developed and promised to give ten million dollars to charity if I spoke like a normal person again." Thor, Ultimate Avengers Vs. New Ultimates #4.
05-25 "Y'know, there are times I wish Uncle Ben had told me that with great power comes pie..." Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #662.
And welcome to a new column, this time for the month of May. Last column's DT! was cracked by Captain JohnnyDoe, who noticed that Martian Manhunter is too tall on that cover. Yes, he's a shapeshifter, but still... Let's go to the Picks of the Month:
Cover Of The Week for 05/04 was Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers #6, by James Silvani and Jake Miller; even if the title characters are not in the cover, the other two stars are, and it's the perfect image of what a Rescue Rangers' adventure should be. Best Book for that week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art Of Science #5; a perfect ending for a, as usual, great mini from the Robo team. Worst Book was JSA All-Stars #18. Blocky, ugly art that lacks soul, and a bland plot. It's not bad that this book is ending soon. Best Book Of The Week for 05/11 is Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #518, I can't stress enough 
how fun, fast-paced, yet filled with character moments this book by David Liss and Francesco Francavilla is. Worst Book for 05/11 is Justice League Of America V2 #57. It's no secret I've found James Robinson's JLA run boring, and Brett Booth's art, while good, is not enough to save this book. Cover for that week is Patrick Zircher's alternate FF #3 cover with (part of) Wolverine's graphic evolution.
Cover for 05/18 is Alex Ross's cover for Rocketeer Adventures #1... I wouldn't mind having that painting. Best Book of that week was Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #13. Paul Levitz never fails to deliver, and while I'd prefer that all art was Yildiray Cinar, Jonathan Glapion is not bad as his co-artist. Don't look for groundbreaking comic book storytelling, though, this is just a straight up future superhero romp. Worst Book was X-Men Giant-Size #1... a pointless fight, and a *yawn* ultra-powerful enemy that seeks to eradicate mutants, completely pulled out of nowhere, complete with a flashback to some of Cyclops' repressed memories from when the original five were Xavier's only X-Men. Best Book for 05/25 was issue #2 of The Strange Case of Mr. Hyde. It's a fresh take on the old tale, intertwining it with Jack The Ripper's, newcomer writer Cole Haddon (who comes from the screenwriting and movie j
ournalism fields) spins an entertaining story that sounds at the same time fresh, modern, and Victorian as well. M.S. Corley (who I hadn't heard of before either) delivers great art that fits the story perfectly, enhanced by Jim Campbell's colors; and the whole thing is embellished by Richard Starking & Comicraft's lettering. Is it mind-blowing? No, I wouldn't say so. But it's so neat, so well done, that you can't help but say "man, this is a good comic book". Give it to people who don't usually read comics. Worst Book was Action Comics #901. One of the most boring Super Team Vs. Doomsdays fights I've ever red, Paul Cornell usually writes better things. Plus, why should I care about this book's numbering and history, if they're rewinding everything soon? Meh. Cover for this week is this sweet 70s movie poster style painting by Clayton Crain from Green Lantern V4 #66.
Let's get to those dissections...
<-------------------------------->
"ÖBAMA."
TITLE: Action Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 901.
CULPRIT: Jesus Merino (artist) & Paul Cornell (writer).
DISSECTION: Current DCU president (shown mostly in Freedom Fighters) is not Obama, nor does he even look like him (he's actually white).
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Plus, it's actually un-DC to have a real-life president (although they've done it before, occasionally).
<-------------------------------->
"THE DYSSECTOR."
TITLE: The Dissector (Clockwork Chap).
ISSUE: 198.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: My apologies to HDSC member Sidney, whose name I spelled as "Sydney" last column. Badge for him.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BACK TO THE LEAGUE."
TITLE: JLA V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 58.
CULPRIT: Mike Miller (penciller).
DISSECTION: Check this one, from 2001:
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TIME TWIST."
TITLE: Knights Of The Dinner Table: Black Hands 2011 Special (Kenzer & Co.).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Jolly Blackburn (writer).
DISSECTION: Weird Pete, Patty, B.A., and Earl are all talking about when Nitro had recently returned from the Marines, fifteen years ago, and Earl says he remembers him as being terrible back then. Only problem is, Earl was introduced in the strip as a new character, transferring from another college to the local university only a few years ago. This doesn't jive even with a fluid timescale (like the one this comic uses), because Earl was specifically introduced as a new guy in town.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"~^?"
TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel)
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer)
DISSECTION: Penciller Sergio Ariño gets his name wrong, with a "^" instead of the "~" that the "ñ" should have... and it's halfway over the A and the R...
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Double.
<-------------------------------->
"IF I HAD A HAMMER."
TITLE: The New Avengers V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 12.
CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis.
DISSECTION: Given how public it was during Norman Osborn's "Dark Reign", there's absolutely no way anyone, much less a cop, would not know what H.A.M.M.E.R. is or was.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GRILS, GRILS, GRILS."
TITLE: Suicide Girls (IDW).
ISSUE: 01 & 02.
CULPRIT: Unidentified production designer.
DISSECTION: One of the ads at the end says "suiciegirls". I know producing this complete marketing vehicle must sap your enthusiasm, but you can at least write the brand name right, no?
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TA-NO-TANTU."
TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 35.
CULPRIT: Fabrizio Fiorentino (penciller).
DISSECTION: Vixen's powers come from her Tantu totem necklace. So you kind of have to draw it on her, not just a random animal fang necklace.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LET'S JUST SKIP A FEW STEPS IN EVOLUTON."
TITLE: X-Men Giant-Size (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Christopher Yost (penciller) and Paco Medina (penciller).
DISSECTION: "For Homo sapien to live... Australopithecus sediba had to die.", that phrase is full of fail, because Australopithecus weren't even proto-humans, Australopithecine were bipedal and dentally similar to humans, but with a brain size not much larger than modern apes, lacking the encephalization characteristics of the genus Homo. The date is wrong, too, since it says 2.5 million years ago, and A. sediba lived between 1.95 and 1.78 million years ago.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for using the Australopithecine instead of one of the archaic Homo sapiens (such as Homo heidelbergensis, Homo rhodesiensis, or Homo neanderthalensis), 7 for the wrong date.
<-------------------------------->
May, then, has an average of 8.2 Bazzars in ten dissections. Pretty high, but then again, I'm only keeping the most outrageous dissections these days. Let's go with the Moments Of The Month. First, from 05/04's issue of Atomic Robo, Tesla has a real "war of the currents" with Edison:
If you know me, you know this is fan service for me. Thank you, Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegener! Next, more from the same issue:
The real reason behind alternating current! More Atomic Robo, from the 2011 Free Comic Book Day Special, we learn how Dr. Dinosaur gets his guns:
Moving on to the next week, what's a good idea to have Batman everywhere?
Well, it's certainly NOT bat-robots, Bruce! Of course, what can we expect from...
... an internet troll? Now, from a Uruguayan comic, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll, the stuff we do as drunken teenagers:
I didn't do THAT exactly, and I was a pretty nerdy guy who went out dancing and drinking very little... but I did a few stupid things while drunk, so I smile at this from a "yeah, I know" viewpoint. Week of 05/18 brought me some Quislet action over in LSH:
And it's almost as if the book had been written for me:
Good one. Now, more fan service, even if I don't like this artist, is having Lockheed meet up with Kitty Pryde in Astonishing X-Men:
That didn't go to well... or did it?
Guns! Big guns! You know who knows his place in the universe? Paladin:
He keeps it real. More Uruguayan stuff, from Orange Shaft, you shouldn't try to mug the wrong guy:
Believe me, this one of the tamest scenes in the whole book. You should see what Orange Shaft does to a guy's testicles with an arrow... Now, from 05/25, what do Donald's famous nephews do when they're not out adventuring?
They adventure some more! And to finish the column, John Stewart goes Death Star:
Again. Man, poor Mogo. I mean, we know he doesn't socialize, but that's no reason to do that to him That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
05-04 "Bah! I can travel in both time and relative dimensions in space!" Doctor Dinosaur, Atomic Robo & Others Free Comic Book Day 2011.
05-11 "This is nothing but bullshit! You expect us to believe that he can't get into this school because he hasn't passed English???? That's the worst excuse I've heard in my entire fucking life. What is it? You didn't like his psych test because this moron wrote all that crap about death and Jim Morrison's grave?" La Ranita, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll.
05-18 "Tony said he hated the Norse god speech pattern I'd developed and promised to give ten million dollars to charity if I spoke like a normal person again." Thor, Ultimate Avengers Vs. New Ultimates #4.
05-25 "Y'know, there are times I wish Uncle Ben had told me that with great power comes pie..." Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #662.
And welcome to a new column, this time for the month of May. Last column's DT! was cracked by Captain JohnnyDoe, who noticed that Martian Manhunter is too tall on that cover. Yes, he's a shapeshifter, but still... Let's go to the Picks of the Month:
Cover Of The Week for 05/04 was Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers #6, by James Silvani and Jake Miller; even if the title characters are not in the cover, the other two stars are, and it's the perfect image of what a Rescue Rangers' adventure should be. Best Book for that week was Atomic Robo And The Deadly Art Of Science #5; a perfect ending for a, as usual, great mini from the Robo team. Worst Book was JSA All-Stars #18. Blocky, ugly art that lacks soul, and a bland plot. It's not bad that this book is ending soon. Best Book Of The Week for 05/11 is Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #518, I can't stress enough 
how fun, fast-paced, yet filled with character moments this book by David Liss and Francesco Francavilla is. Worst Book for 05/11 is Justice League Of America V2 #57. It's no secret I've found James Robinson's JLA run boring, and Brett Booth's art, while good, is not enough to save this book. Cover for that week is Patrick Zircher's alternate FF #3 cover with (part of) Wolverine's graphic evolution.
Cover for 05/18 is Alex Ross's cover for Rocketeer Adventures #1... I wouldn't mind having that painting. Best Book of that week was Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #13. Paul Levitz never fails to deliver, and while I'd prefer that all art was Yildiray Cinar, Jonathan Glapion is not bad as his co-artist. Don't look for groundbreaking comic book storytelling, though, this is just a straight up future superhero romp. Worst Book was X-Men Giant-Size #1... a pointless fight, and a *yawn* ultra-powerful enemy that seeks to eradicate mutants, completely pulled out of nowhere, complete with a flashback to some of Cyclops' repressed memories from when the original five were Xavier's only X-Men. Best Book for 05/25 was issue #2 of The Strange Case of Mr. Hyde. It's a fresh take on the old tale, intertwining it with Jack The Ripper's, newcomer writer Cole Haddon (who comes from the screenwriting and movie j
ournalism fields) spins an entertaining story that sounds at the same time fresh, modern, and Victorian as well. M.S. Corley (who I hadn't heard of before either) delivers great art that fits the story perfectly, enhanced by Jim Campbell's colors; and the whole thing is embellished by Richard Starking & Comicraft's lettering. Is it mind-blowing? No, I wouldn't say so. But it's so neat, so well done, that you can't help but say "man, this is a good comic book". Give it to people who don't usually read comics. Worst Book was Action Comics #901. One of the most boring Super Team Vs. Doomsdays fights I've ever red, Paul Cornell usually writes better things. Plus, why should I care about this book's numbering and history, if they're rewinding everything soon? Meh. Cover for this week is this sweet 70s movie poster style painting by Clayton Crain from Green Lantern V4 #66.Let's get to those dissections...
<-------------------------------->
"ÖBAMA."
TITLE: Action Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 901.
CULPRIT: Jesus Merino (artist) & Paul Cornell (writer).
DISSECTION: Current DCU president (shown mostly in Freedom Fighters) is not Obama, nor does he even look like him (he's actually white).
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Plus, it's actually un-DC to have a real-life president (although they've done it before, occasionally).
<-------------------------------->
"THE DYSSECTOR."
TITLE: The Dissector (Clockwork Chap).
ISSUE: 198.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: My apologies to HDSC member Sidney, whose name I spelled as "Sydney" last column. Badge for him.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BACK TO THE LEAGUE."
TITLE: JLA V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 58.
CULPRIT: Mike Miller (penciller).
DISSECTION: Check this one, from 2001:
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TIME TWIST."
TITLE: Knights Of The Dinner Table: Black Hands 2011 Special (Kenzer & Co.).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Jolly Blackburn (writer).
DISSECTION: Weird Pete, Patty, B.A., and Earl are all talking about when Nitro had recently returned from the Marines, fifteen years ago, and Earl says he remembers him as being terrible back then. Only problem is, Earl was introduced in the strip as a new character, transferring from another college to the local university only a few years ago. This doesn't jive even with a fluid timescale (like the one this comic uses), because Earl was specifically introduced as a new guy in town.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"~^?"
TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel)
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Joe Caramagna (letterer)
DISSECTION: Penciller Sergio Ariño gets his name wrong, with a "^" instead of the "~" that the "ñ" should have... and it's halfway over the A and the R...
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Double.
<-------------------------------->
"IF I HAD A HAMMER."
TITLE: The New Avengers V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 12.
CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis.
DISSECTION: Given how public it was during Norman Osborn's "Dark Reign", there's absolutely no way anyone, much less a cop, would not know what H.A.M.M.E.R. is or was.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GRILS, GRILS, GRILS."
TITLE: Suicide Girls (IDW).
ISSUE: 01 & 02.
CULPRIT: Unidentified production designer.
DISSECTION: One of the ads at the end says "suiciegirls". I know producing this complete marketing vehicle must sap your enthusiasm, but you can at least write the brand name right, no?
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TA-NO-TANTU."
TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 35.
CULPRIT: Fabrizio Fiorentino (penciller).
DISSECTION: Vixen's powers come from her Tantu totem necklace. So you kind of have to draw it on her, not just a random animal fang necklace.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LET'S JUST SKIP A FEW STEPS IN EVOLUTON."
TITLE: X-Men Giant-Size (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Christopher Yost (penciller) and Paco Medina (penciller).
DISSECTION: "For Homo sapien to live... Australopithecus sediba had to die.", that phrase is full of fail, because Australopithecus weren't even proto-humans, Australopithecine were bipedal and dentally similar to humans, but with a brain size not much larger than modern apes, lacking the encephalization characteristics of the genus Homo. The date is wrong, too, since it says 2.5 million years ago, and A. sediba lived between 1.95 and 1.78 million years ago.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for using the Australopithecine instead of one of the archaic Homo sapiens (such as Homo heidelbergensis, Homo rhodesiensis, or Homo neanderthalensis), 7 for the wrong date.
<-------------------------------->
May, then, has an average of 8.2 Bazzars in ten dissections. Pretty high, but then again, I'm only keeping the most outrageous dissections these days. Let's go with the Moments Of The Month. First, from 05/04's issue of Atomic Robo, Tesla has a real "war of the currents" with Edison:
If you know me, you know this is fan service for me. Thank you, Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegener! Next, more from the same issue:
The real reason behind alternating current! More Atomic Robo, from the 2011 Free Comic Book Day Special, we learn how Dr. Dinosaur gets his guns:
Moving on to the next week, what's a good idea to have Batman everywhere?
Well, it's certainly NOT bat-robots, Bruce! Of course, what can we expect from...
... an internet troll? Now, from a Uruguayan comic, Ranitas: Catarsis & Rock N Roll, the stuff we do as drunken teenagers:
I didn't do THAT exactly, and I was a pretty nerdy guy who went out dancing and drinking very little... but I did a few stupid things while drunk, so I smile at this from a "yeah, I know" viewpoint. Week of 05/18 brought me some Quislet action over in LSH:
And it's almost as if the book had been written for me:
Good one. Now, more fan service, even if I don't like this artist, is having Lockheed meet up with Kitty Pryde in Astonishing X-Men:
That didn't go to well... or did it?
Guns! Big guns! You know who knows his place in the universe? Paladin:
He keeps it real. More Uruguayan stuff, from Orange Shaft, you shouldn't try to mug the wrong guy:
Believe me, this one of the tamest scenes in the whole book. You should see what Orange Shaft does to a guy's testicles with an arrow... Now, from 05/25, what do Donald's famous nephews do when they're not out adventuring?
They adventure some more! And to finish the column, John Stewart goes Death Star:
Again. Man, poor Mogo. I mean, we know he doesn't socialize, but that's no reason to do that to him That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
Monday, June 13, 2011
The Dissector #198.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
04-06 "(...) that's the great thing about being evil. Good is ever-vigilant because good never knows when evil will strike. Evil, on the other hand, always knows when it's going to strike, so evil can afford to take a couple of days off." Abyss I, Abyss: Family Issues #2.
04-13 "You lack protocol. "Imperius Rex" is generally reserved for before battle is joined." Namor, Uncanny X-Men #535.
04-20 "This has gone on long enough! I've got a reality-devouring elder beast to get to. You, sir, are in the way! En garde!" Darkwing Duck, Darking Duck #11.
04-27 "Getting to kick Logan in the face is definitely silver lining." Spider-Man, X-Men V3 #10.
Trying to get these out of the way so I can regain my regular posting rhythm (although I'm considering going monthly), this is the column for the month of April. On another matter, but still within the subject of change, I've launched Clockwork Chap, my own venture for freelance writing, comic book lettering, sound editing, minor graphic design, etc... Studio Robota is still the label for my projects with my bro Endriago, but since The Dissector is my own baby, it'll be under the banner of Clockwork Chap. So go to Facebook, and like it! Last column's DT! was cracked by Sydney: with Parallax again inside the GL Central Battery, their rings are again ineffective on yellow stuff... so how was Hal carrying Sinestro's ring within an energy globe? But Syd hasn't been reading the GL books, so he just took a guess. Still, he got it right.
Let's go with the Picks for each week. Cover Of The Week of 04-06 was that nice Robotman piece from Doom Patrol #21 by Matthew Clark, Serge Lapointe, and Guy Major. I just liked it. Best Book this week was Uncanny X-Men #534.1, Kieron Gillen's debut as UXM writer is off to a great start, with an excellent showcase for Magneto and why he's with the X-Men. Art by Carlos Pacheco is certainly up to the task, as the veteran artist certainly knows his X-Men. Worst Book was the JLA 80-Page Giant 2011... Adam Glass writes a completely non-compelling tale of several JLA members (and not, since Lobo, Etrigan, and Ragman are there, for example) wading through different circles of infernal punishment in one of those Satanus-Blaze-whoever bi-monthly-fight-for-control of-whatever-passes-for-some-version-of-Hell but-is-not-actually-Hell comics; and it doesn't even make sense, since while I can see how Oracle and Booster Gold can be in the "gluttony" circle, since one craves information and the other fame and glory; but why are Supergirl and Wonder Woman in the "lust" one? Or Zatanna and John Stewart in "treachery"? Not to mention the bland and inconstant art by Scott McDaniel, with inexpressive faces, weird poses, detail-light group shots where characters wear costumes belonging to others or Batman wears long shorts over his tights; and having Zatanna look Asian or Supergirl look like a forty-year old Bette Middler... add to that lettering, continuity, and coloring mistakes (which don't make the column now, but do detract from quality), and I wonder how editors greenlight these things. Best Book for the 
Week of 04/13 was Black Panther: Man Without Fear #517, David Liss tells a fast-paced, yet very detailed urban vigilante story, with relatable characters. Not to mention Francesco Francavilla's pulp-styled art, which I'll certainly miss from Liss's upcoming continuation series, Black Panther: The Most Dangerous Man Alive. Worst Book was Secret Warriors #26... for the last fifteen issues this books has been the perfect example of a book where a lot happens, yet nothing is really happening. Writer Jonathan Hickman weaves interesting conspiracies and comes up with fun pseudoscientific concepts, but in Secret Warriors, as well as in S.H.I.E.L.D., nothing actually happens, nothing at least that couldn't be told in a quarter of the pages used. Fantastic Four and now FF are not far behind in this style of Hickman's, but at least there I care about the characters. But back to Secret Warriors, Alessandro Vitti's art is not bad, not at all, but it does nothing for me. Mike Del Mundo draws this Hollywood Thor variant cover for Uncanny X-Force #7, which I liked over the rest of the covers that week.
Cover for the Week of 04/20 was this nice Hellblazer #278 by Simon Bisley... while I don't care much for the thicker, rougher face he's giving Constantine these days, this cover is the perfect amalgam of magic and grit that a Hellblazer book should have. Best Book for this week was X-Factor #219, just like the month before, Peter David and Emanuela Lupacchino headline a creative team that weave a series where a lot is happening all the time, yet you don't feel lost; and there's a good balance of action and character development/interaction. Worst Book of the Week is Avengers #12... just can't find what's good about this story arc. It's not that Bendis' writing being decompressed; one should expect that from him, but it's just not enjoyable this time around. And Romita's art is weak, uninspired, taking the blockiness and thick lines that are part of his trademark to an extreme where it's unappealing. Best Book of the week of 04/27 was Star Wars: Legacy - War #5, the end of the miniseries. Again, a bit rushed, but it was still very enjoyable, and it leaves you wanting more of this Star Wars era. Worst book this 
week was Justice Society of America #50. Too much of a jumble of new characters (both new to the book and new in general) that haven't gotten enough time, making you feel as if a couple of dozen pages of story between the last couple of issues and this one has been edited out. Cover for the week is from Warlord Of Mars #6, again by Joe Jusko. He paints a beautiful and alluring, yet obviously exotic woman.
And now, the dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"SCIENCE IN ACTION."
TITLE: Action Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 900.
CULPRIT: Paul Cornell (writer).
DISSECTION: This might look like one of the minor mistakes I might have to keep out of the new column format... but calling "nanobots" "nanobytes" is something that I can't condone.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CLASSIFIED."
TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 327.
CULPRIT: David Michelinie (writer).
DISSECTION: From my Vault, and 1989 comes an issue from the Acts Of Vengeance crossover... Magneto lands in Central Park, and a New Yorker mocks him with a "Halloween ain't for two weeks!". Well, I might concede that back then, Magneto wasn't as well known to the general public as he is now... but how many times has New York been invaded by supervillains? And you're gonna mock some guy in costume? He flies and wears a suit of armor, actually, and you mock him?
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FLASH SURPRISE."
TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: Barry Allen, the fastest man alive, the man who's lived in the future, fought mythological gods and space aliens, met his comic book hero after who he called himself the Flash, and has more than likely seen a lot of things, including parallel world versions of himself... finds it strange to meet a future or parallel version of himself?
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Please!
<-------------------------------->
"CLASSIFIED."
TITLE: JLA Classified (DC).
ISSUE: 30.
CULPRIT: Kilian Plunkett (artist).
DISSECTION: From 2006 comes this DT!, check it out:
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Seeing that I had to fish in the Vault, and what I have filed for May, and for the two weeks of June already gone by, I'm going to have to do one more change to the column: it's going to be monthly now. I hope you'll still enjoy it, and I'm certain I'll be able to keep up. This column's average was 7 Bazzars in four dissections. Four! Yeah, monthly is the way to go.
Now, the Moments for each week... From 04/06, Vader shows us his dance moves:
Well, he's actually jumping off of a landed shuttle, but it's not the best depiction of that kind of movement. Next, from the best book of the week, Magneto saves San Francisco:
I know it looks like he's actually attacking it, but trust me, he's saving people. From 04/13, only one moment... the true purpose of the Colossus of Rhodes:
Fighting giant robots and monsters! Now, speaking of giant robots, and from 04/20, Darkwing Duck knows how to fight them too:
Of course, you fence with them using petrified spies! And for the end of this column, three moments from 04/27. First, who's back in the DCU?
John Constantine. You don't wanna be his friend, trust me. Then, both Booster and Beetle set Max Lord and his OMAC straight:
Give 'em hell, boys! And last, how do you make the Planet of the Apes?
You give the apes some zeppelins! Yeah! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
PS: You can still get in your votes for the Autopsy Awards.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
04-06 "(...) that's the great thing about being evil. Good is ever-vigilant because good never knows when evil will strike. Evil, on the other hand, always knows when it's going to strike, so evil can afford to take a couple of days off." Abyss I, Abyss: Family Issues #2.
04-13 "You lack protocol. "Imperius Rex" is generally reserved for before battle is joined." Namor, Uncanny X-Men #535.
04-20 "This has gone on long enough! I've got a reality-devouring elder beast to get to. You, sir, are in the way! En garde!" Darkwing Duck, Darking Duck #11.
04-27 "Getting to kick Logan in the face is definitely silver lining." Spider-Man, X-Men V3 #10.
Trying to get these out of the way so I can regain my regular posting rhythm (although I'm considering going monthly), this is the column for the month of April. On another matter, but still within the subject of change, I've launched Clockwork Chap, my own venture for freelance writing, comic book lettering, sound editing, minor graphic design, etc... Studio Robota is still the label for my projects with my bro Endriago, but since The Dissector is my own baby, it'll be under the banner of Clockwork Chap. So go to Facebook, and like it! Last column's DT! was cracked by Sydney: with Parallax again inside the GL Central Battery, their rings are again ineffective on yellow stuff... so how was Hal carrying Sinestro's ring within an energy globe? But Syd hasn't been reading the GL books, so he just took a guess. Still, he got it right.
Let's go with the Picks for each week. Cover Of The Week of 04-06 was that nice Robotman piece from Doom Patrol #21 by Matthew Clark, Serge Lapointe, and Guy Major. I just liked it. Best Book this week was Uncanny X-Men #534.1, Kieron Gillen's debut as UXM writer is off to a great start, with an excellent showcase for Magneto and why he's with the X-Men. Art by Carlos Pacheco is certainly up to the task, as the veteran artist certainly knows his X-Men. Worst Book was the JLA 80-Page Giant 2011... Adam Glass writes a completely non-compelling tale of several JLA members (and not, since Lobo, Etrigan, and Ragman are there, for example) wading through different circles of infernal punishment in one of those Satanus-Blaze-whoever bi-monthly-fight-for-control of-whatever-passes-for-some-version-of-Hell but-is-not-actually-Hell comics; and it doesn't even make sense, since while I can see how Oracle and Booster Gold can be in the "gluttony" circle, since one craves information and the other fame and glory; but why are Supergirl and Wonder Woman in the "lust" one? Or Zatanna and John Stewart in "treachery"? Not to mention the bland and inconstant art by Scott McDaniel, with inexpressive faces, weird poses, detail-light group shots where characters wear costumes belonging to others or Batman wears long shorts over his tights; and having Zatanna look Asian or Supergirl look like a forty-year old Bette Middler... add to that lettering, continuity, and coloring mistakes (which don't make the column now, but do detract from quality), and I wonder how editors greenlight these things. Best Book for the 
Week of 04/13 was Black Panther: Man Without Fear #517, David Liss tells a fast-paced, yet very detailed urban vigilante story, with relatable characters. Not to mention Francesco Francavilla's pulp-styled art, which I'll certainly miss from Liss's upcoming continuation series, Black Panther: The Most Dangerous Man Alive. Worst Book was Secret Warriors #26... for the last fifteen issues this books has been the perfect example of a book where a lot happens, yet nothing is really happening. Writer Jonathan Hickman weaves interesting conspiracies and comes up with fun pseudoscientific concepts, but in Secret Warriors, as well as in S.H.I.E.L.D., nothing actually happens, nothing at least that couldn't be told in a quarter of the pages used. Fantastic Four and now FF are not far behind in this style of Hickman's, but at least there I care about the characters. But back to Secret Warriors, Alessandro Vitti's art is not bad, not at all, but it does nothing for me. Mike Del Mundo draws this Hollywood Thor variant cover for Uncanny X-Force #7, which I liked over the rest of the covers that week.
Cover for the Week of 04/20 was this nice Hellblazer #278 by Simon Bisley... while I don't care much for the thicker, rougher face he's giving Constantine these days, this cover is the perfect amalgam of magic and grit that a Hellblazer book should have. Best Book for this week was X-Factor #219, just like the month before, Peter David and Emanuela Lupacchino headline a creative team that weave a series where a lot is happening all the time, yet you don't feel lost; and there's a good balance of action and character development/interaction. Worst Book of the Week is Avengers #12... just can't find what's good about this story arc. It's not that Bendis' writing being decompressed; one should expect that from him, but it's just not enjoyable this time around. And Romita's art is weak, uninspired, taking the blockiness and thick lines that are part of his trademark to an extreme where it's unappealing. Best Book of the week of 04/27 was Star Wars: Legacy - War #5, the end of the miniseries. Again, a bit rushed, but it was still very enjoyable, and it leaves you wanting more of this Star Wars era. Worst book this 
week was Justice Society of America #50. Too much of a jumble of new characters (both new to the book and new in general) that haven't gotten enough time, making you feel as if a couple of dozen pages of story between the last couple of issues and this one has been edited out. Cover for the week is from Warlord Of Mars #6, again by Joe Jusko. He paints a beautiful and alluring, yet obviously exotic woman.And now, the dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"SCIENCE IN ACTION."
TITLE: Action Comics (DC).
ISSUE: 900.
CULPRIT: Paul Cornell (writer).
DISSECTION: This might look like one of the minor mistakes I might have to keep out of the new column format... but calling "nanobots" "nanobytes" is something that I can't condone.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CLASSIFIED."
TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 327.
CULPRIT: David Michelinie (writer).
DISSECTION: From my Vault, and 1989 comes an issue from the Acts Of Vengeance crossover... Magneto lands in Central Park, and a New Yorker mocks him with a "Halloween ain't for two weeks!". Well, I might concede that back then, Magneto wasn't as well known to the general public as he is now... but how many times has New York been invaded by supervillains? And you're gonna mock some guy in costume? He flies and wears a suit of armor, actually, and you mock him?
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FLASH SURPRISE."
TITLE: The Flash V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: Barry Allen, the fastest man alive, the man who's lived in the future, fought mythological gods and space aliens, met his comic book hero after who he called himself the Flash, and has more than likely seen a lot of things, including parallel world versions of himself... finds it strange to meet a future or parallel version of himself?
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Please!
<-------------------------------->
"CLASSIFIED."
TITLE: JLA Classified (DC).
ISSUE: 30.
CULPRIT: Kilian Plunkett (artist).
DISSECTION: From 2006 comes this DT!, check it out:
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Seeing that I had to fish in the Vault, and what I have filed for May, and for the two weeks of June already gone by, I'm going to have to do one more change to the column: it's going to be monthly now. I hope you'll still enjoy it, and I'm certain I'll be able to keep up. This column's average was 7 Bazzars in four dissections. Four! Yeah, monthly is the way to go.
Now, the Moments for each week... From 04/06, Vader shows us his dance moves:
Well, he's actually jumping off of a landed shuttle, but it's not the best depiction of that kind of movement. Next, from the best book of the week, Magneto saves San Francisco:
I know it looks like he's actually attacking it, but trust me, he's saving people. From 04/13, only one moment... the true purpose of the Colossus of Rhodes:
Fighting giant robots and monsters! Now, speaking of giant robots, and from 04/20, Darkwing Duck knows how to fight them too:
Of course, you fence with them using petrified spies! And for the end of this column, three moments from 04/27. First, who's back in the DCU?
John Constantine. You don't wanna be his friend, trust me. Then, both Booster and Beetle set Max Lord and his OMAC straight:
Give 'em hell, boys! And last, how do you make the Planet of the Apes?
You give the apes some zeppelins! Yeah! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
PS: You can still get in your votes for the Autopsy Awards.
Friday, February 11, 2011
The Dissector #194.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
01/05-"It's true. Reading superhero comics leads to loneliness and virginity. (...) Reading off-kilter books like "The Goon" and "Billy The Kid's Old Timey Oddities" makes you seem manly and interesting and leads to loads of vagina. Loads." Franky, Billy The Kid's Old Timey Oddities And The Ghastly Fiend Of London #4 (The Goon backup story).
01/12-"I want a secret weapon with which I can shatter the false consciousness of the masses and overturn social order. And more realistic porn." Buddy, Vision Machine #1.
01/19-"(...) nowadays with all the clowns running around Gotham, you'd be nuts to go into an abandoned amusement park by yourself." Anthony Marchetti, Batman: Streets Of Gotham #19.
01/19-"Find a hole and climb into it. Or else find a really tall tower and plant a flag on the top. Either way, they're gonna find you. Just depends on how you want to go out." The Basilisk, Age Of X: Alpha.
Yes, I know. I'm horribly late. But I had vacations from work the second half of January, and I was already behind, and... well, here's a column for THE ENTIRE MONTH OF JANUARY!!! Before we go into the column itself, let me remind you of two things: First, that I built a Facebook fan page for the column... Here it is. Please go click "like"; and promote it. Second, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU HAVEN'T VOTED IN THE 2010 AUTOPSY AWARDS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Seriously, go check out the nominations and vote. If you already voted, please disregard this outburst. Also, while you're at it, there's a design-your-own-superhero contest at Talenthouse, sponsored by The Stan Lee Foundation... would you mind going to this page and click on the right to vote with your Facebook account? Thanks!
Last column's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe, who noticed that Atlanteans in DC (and Marvel, for that part) naturally breathe oxygen from the water they inhabit, not air; and Waid wrote they suffocate for lack of "oxygenated air". DC Atlanteans, by the way, can breathe outside water too; while Marvel Atlanteans can't (unless they're mutants like Namor and others). Badge for Commander JohnnyDoe!
Let's get The Dissector's Picks Of Each Week out of the way as fast as possible. Best Book Of The Week for 01/05 was Iron Man Legacy #10... Van Lente's writing is engaging, the art is good, and the use of The Pride is a good bonus to those of us who enjoyed the original Runaways run. Worst Book of that week was Batman Confidential #52... it's not bad per-se, but if you're going to write stories that are set in continuity but are current-continuity-light, Iron Man Legacy is the way to go; not Batman Confidential.
Incidentally, Batman Confidential is the only survivor of the "Confidential" line at DC, remember we had Superman/JLA/JSA Confidential books? And I question Marvel's naming of book... Iron Man Legacy is a flashback book, but X-Men Legacy is just one of the regular X-Men books... and it's not even the original one (which is now Uncanny X-Men)... what gives? Cover Of The Week for 01/05, to your right, is the Module Edition cover for Dark Sun #1, by Wayne Reynolds. Good art that shows you what Dark Sun feels like, and you know I like the module variant idea.
Best Book Of The Week for 01/12 was Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #514. Great pulp feel from David Liss' writing and Francesco Francavilla's art. Worst Book Of The Week was Red Robin #19, an awful and tired "computer mindscape adventure" story. While Marcus To's art with Guy Major's colors make for clean, cartoony but not ridiculous visuals; but Fabian Nicieza's a much better writer than this, that much I know. Best Cover, to your left, is one of DC's iconic covers of lately, by Aaron Lopresti, for Justice League: Generation Lost #17. Simple and pretty.
Week 01/19 brought us Best Book Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #9. Just good Legion adventures with Paul Levitz writing; and while I prefer all the art was Yildiray Cinar's, his team up with Wayne Faucher is not bad. Worst Book was Brightest Day #18... was it badly written or drawn? No, but this book hardly does anything to me, it's not engaging, I can't find it in myself to care for it... and there was nothing that struck me as actually bad this week. To your right, Cover Of The Week is from LSH #9 too; and another iconic cover by the same art team as the interior art... it just tells you what the Legion is off the bat. I would have preferred to have Quislet on it, but I can't have everything, now can I?
Best Book Of The Week for 01/26 was The Sixth Gun #8, as this voodoo western by Cullen Bunn and Brian Hurtt continues to be a great read. Worst Book Of The Week was Chaos War: X-Men #2, as pointless as tie-in minis are these days, this one is one of the most pointless... And the last Cover Of The Week for this month, to your left, is one the variant covers for X-Men V3 #7, celebrating the Fantastic Four's 50th anniversary. Paolo Rivera (credited inside the book as "Paulo", even though HE WROTE HIS FRICKIN NAME ON THE PIECE HE SUBMITTED AS A COVER) really captured FF #1's look in his painted style.
The Rundown: Action Comics (Joker's face is not like it should be), Adventure Comics V1 (Dawnstar's powers are incomplete), American Vampire ("gothca" instead of "gotcha"), The Avengers V4 (inconsistent credit lettering), Avengers: The Children's Crusade (inconsistent credit and next issue lettering), Avengers Prime (inconsistent lettering), B.P.R.D.-Hell On Earth: Gods (inconsistent series numbering), Batman Confidential (Hal Jordan's badge is right, then wrong), Batman (Enigma's eyes are colored wrong, Riddler's hair is colored wrong, accented letters), Birds Of Prey V3 (Dove's powers are incomplete, a speech balloon points to the wrong character), Booster Gold V2 (accented letters, Rip Hunter's eyes and hair are colored wrong), Brightest Day ("darkenss"), Captain America V2 (Black Widow's eyes are colored incorrectly), Chaos War: Dead Avengers (Beast looks nothing like he should, and his eyes are blank in an old painting), Chaos War: X-Men (the story mentions Banshee dying before Moira, but it was the other way around), Chip 'N Dale Rescue Rangers ("San Paolo" instead of "Sao Paulo"), Doom Patrol V5 (Rita Farr's eyes are colored incorrectly, as are Scandal Savage's), Fantastic Four V1 (Leech's speech patterns are wrong), Freedom Fighters (a sword is referred to as a "staff"), Fringe: Tales From The Fringe (accented letters and eñes), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (Guy's badge and ring are wrong), I Am An Avenger (inconsistent credit lettering), Klaws Of The Panther (Black Widow's eyes are colored incorrectly), The New Avengers V2 (baby Cage is too young looking, ñ, inconsistent credit lettering), Red Robin (Riddler's hair is colored incorrectly, several accented letters), Supergirl V5 (the Kryptonite's Man eyebeams should be green, not heat vision red), T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents ("negligience"), Uncanny X-Force (Deadpool's skin looks too smooth and healthy), Vision Machine ("Sao Paolo", "managment"), X-Factor V3 (Madrox's eyes are colored incorrectly), X-Men V3 (cover artist Paolo Rivera is credited as "Paulo", and WTF are Dum Dum Dugan and other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents doing in the X-Men's command center?), X-Men (Taco Bell Promo) (accented letters, and Nightcrawler's boots are colored incorrectly in a panel), X-Men Forever 2 (Mystique changes shape and the effect looks like a hologram fading; not her usual morphing; weird dialogue, "runic" is not a language you speak but a way of writing several different languages, Storm's eyes shouldn't be all white unless she's using her powers), X-Men Legacy (accented letters), X-Men: To Serve And Protect (Reed Richard's eyes are colored incorrectly).
<-------------------------------->
"WRONG SOUTHERNER, SUGAH!"
TITLE: Age Of X: Alpha (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).
DISSECTION: Cannonball says his family is from Caldecott County (which, while unsaid, is a fictitious Mississippi county), when they're actually from Cumberland County (a real Kentucky county). Yes, I suppose that this being an alternate reality, it could be different... except Caldecott County is where Rogue is from.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Wolverine's eyes are brown in another story.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT DOOR IS MADE OF KRYPTONITE! WAIT, WRONG HERO..."
TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 652.
CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).
DISSECTION: Peter slowly walks into a closed door... and it gives him a bloody, bruised nose. Really? Spider-Man's that much of a wimp?
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, there's an accented letter that's not smaller... but a lower-case letter in the midst of a whole page of upper-case dialogue...
<-------------------------------->
"BATMAN'S OLDER THANK HE LOOKS."
TITLE: Batman: Streets Of Gotham (DC).
ISSUE: 19.
CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).
DISSECTION: No, and a thousand times no. Bruce Wayne's parents couldn't have been in their 20s when heroes like Alan Scott and Jay Garrick were part of the All-Star Squadron or JSA and invited Zatara to join them... that's like the 1940s!
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"G.I. JOE: STEALTH MASTERS!"
TITLE: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (IDW).
ISSUE: 162.
CULPRIT: Larry Hama (writer) and SL Gallant (penciller).
DISSECTION: Cobra is on the run! G.I. Joe sends two agents to spy on them, and when they see the Baroness going her own way in an unmarked sedan, they decide to tail her through Jersey Shore roads... in full military gear, in a green military jeep with a double-barrel laser turret mounted in the back...
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Come on! Also, they mention the Baroness walking around in full black leather outfit when it's clearly Cobra-blue; not even "comic-book-black-with-blue-shades", but straight up blue.
<-------------------------------->
"HEROIC AGE: HERE WE GO AGAIN, THIS TIME ON THE KEY OF X."
TITLE: Heroic Age: X-Men (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator), various writers not specifically credited.
DISSECTION: It's the X-Men's turn at this; a few small mistakes; but nowhere near the level of previous Heroic Age handbooks:
DISSECT-O-METER: Various.
<-------------------------------->
"POWER SUIT, POWER BEARD!"
TITLE: The Invincible Iron Man V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 33.
CULPRIT: Jamie McKelvie (penciller).
DISSECTION: Tony Stark shaves in the morning, then goes to bed and falls asleep clean shaven (except for his perfectly trimmed 'stache and beard, of course)... and wakes up to look in the mirror at his five o' clock shadow stubble? How macho is the man to grow that much beard overnight?!
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, colorist Matt Wilson decided Tony has green eyes, instead of blue ones.
<-------------------------------->
"JUST WING IT. WHAT, HE'S DEAD? WHO CARES!"
TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 53.
CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller) and James Robinson (writer) in some.
DISSECTION: Is this the same Bagley that used to do Ultimate Spider-Man? Because he seems to be phoning it in here... both in terms of quality and accuracy. He draws the Doom Patrol looking like they did back in the 1960s, Geo-Force flying in the background when he wouldn't be there due to events in Outsiders... and the JSA shows up with Damage, who's dead?
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each, as well as Hal Jordan's badge being wrong, and an accented letter.
<-------------------------------->
"RED EYE SUBMARINE RIDE."
TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel)
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).
DISSECTION: Atlantean street signs in English, a Caucasian-skinned logomancer, Namor's eyes incorrectly colored, Doctor Doom's too, as well as Dr. Nemesis's hair... but what puzzles me the most is the fact that random Atlanteans have red glowing eyes. Why?
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTION OF STEEL."
TITLE: Steel V2 (DC).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Steve Lyons (writer).
DISSECTION: Come on, dissect his one as Steel prepares to face Doomsday:
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN-JOKE."
TITLE: The Thanos Imperative: Devastation (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Dan Abnett & Andy Lanning (writers).
DISSECTION: The "Knowhere/Nowhere" joke should not work in Shi'ar language.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So the first month of the year had ninety-four dissections, with an average of 6.7 Bazzars... on the high end of the usual spectrum. Moments Of The Week... Month! Quite a few, obviously, let's start with Dale shows he's just not the Rescue Rangers' clown:
Or rather, he's a clown with a purpose. Next, look's who's part of the Superman Family in the future:
Barry Obama! And you know what I didn't see coming, speaking of time travel?
That! Next, from the D&D comic, something I or one of my players would do:
I laughed out loud, honestly. What looks like a fairy tale story end, but is not bound to be "forever and ever"?
Yeah, that. Next, who Hercules gets real:
Or mortal. That should be interesting. Now, remember what I said about Cobra being very subtle? And the Jersey Shore?
... I wasn't lying. FIST PUMP! And from KODT, two beasts meet..
... and don't clash! And last, to kick-off Age Of X, Magneto does one of those nice stunts he tends to pull:
Something like lifting most of Manhattan in the air and transporting it away for use as a mutant fortress. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
01/05-"It's true. Reading superhero comics leads to loneliness and virginity. (...) Reading off-kilter books like "The Goon" and "Billy The Kid's Old Timey Oddities" makes you seem manly and interesting and leads to loads of vagina. Loads." Franky, Billy The Kid's Old Timey Oddities And The Ghastly Fiend Of London #4 (The Goon backup story).
01/12-"I want a secret weapon with which I can shatter the false consciousness of the masses and overturn social order. And more realistic porn." Buddy, Vision Machine #1.
01/19-"(...) nowadays with all the clowns running around Gotham, you'd be nuts to go into an abandoned amusement park by yourself." Anthony Marchetti, Batman: Streets Of Gotham #19.
01/19-"Find a hole and climb into it. Or else find a really tall tower and plant a flag on the top. Either way, they're gonna find you. Just depends on how you want to go out." The Basilisk, Age Of X: Alpha.
Yes, I know. I'm horribly late. But I had vacations from work the second half of January, and I was already behind, and... well, here's a column for THE ENTIRE MONTH OF JANUARY!!! Before we go into the column itself, let me remind you of two things: First, that I built a Facebook fan page for the column... Here it is. Please go click "like"; and promote it. Second, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU HAVEN'T VOTED IN THE 2010 AUTOPSY AWARDS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Seriously, go check out the nominations and vote. If you already voted, please disregard this outburst. Also, while you're at it, there's a design-your-own-superhero contest at Talenthouse, sponsored by The Stan Lee Foundation... would you mind going to this page and click on the right to vote with your Facebook account? Thanks!
Last column's DT! was cracked by JohnnyDoe, who noticed that Atlanteans in DC (and Marvel, for that part) naturally breathe oxygen from the water they inhabit, not air; and Waid wrote they suffocate for lack of "oxygenated air". DC Atlanteans, by the way, can breathe outside water too; while Marvel Atlanteans can't (unless they're mutants like Namor and others). Badge for Commander JohnnyDoe!
Let's get The Dissector's Picks Of Each Week out of the way as fast as possible. Best Book Of The Week for 01/05 was Iron Man Legacy #10... Van Lente's writing is engaging, the art is good, and the use of The Pride is a good bonus to those of us who enjoyed the original Runaways run. Worst Book of that week was Batman Confidential #52... it's not bad per-se, but if you're going to write stories that are set in continuity but are current-continuity-light, Iron Man Legacy is the way to go; not Batman Confidential.
Incidentally, Batman Confidential is the only survivor of the "Confidential" line at DC, remember we had Superman/JLA/JSA Confidential books? And I question Marvel's naming of book... Iron Man Legacy is a flashback book, but X-Men Legacy is just one of the regular X-Men books... and it's not even the original one (which is now Uncanny X-Men)... what gives? Cover Of The Week for 01/05, to your right, is the Module Edition cover for Dark Sun #1, by Wayne Reynolds. Good art that shows you what Dark Sun feels like, and you know I like the module variant idea.
Best Book Of The Week for 01/12 was Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #514. Great pulp feel from David Liss' writing and Francesco Francavilla's art. Worst Book Of The Week was Red Robin #19, an awful and tired "computer mindscape adventure" story. While Marcus To's art with Guy Major's colors make for clean, cartoony but not ridiculous visuals; but Fabian Nicieza's a much better writer than this, that much I know. Best Cover, to your left, is one of DC's iconic covers of lately, by Aaron Lopresti, for Justice League: Generation Lost #17. Simple and pretty.
Week 01/19 brought us Best Book Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #9. Just good Legion adventures with Paul Levitz writing; and while I prefer all the art was Yildiray Cinar's, his team up with Wayne Faucher is not bad. Worst Book was Brightest Day #18... was it badly written or drawn? No, but this book hardly does anything to me, it's not engaging, I can't find it in myself to care for it... and there was nothing that struck me as actually bad this week. To your right, Cover Of The Week is from LSH #9 too; and another iconic cover by the same art team as the interior art... it just tells you what the Legion is off the bat. I would have preferred to have Quislet on it, but I can't have everything, now can I?
Best Book Of The Week for 01/26 was The Sixth Gun #8, as this voodoo western by Cullen Bunn and Brian Hurtt continues to be a great read. Worst Book Of The Week was Chaos War: X-Men #2, as pointless as tie-in minis are these days, this one is one of the most pointless... And the last Cover Of The Week for this month, to your left, is one the variant covers for X-Men V3 #7, celebrating the Fantastic Four's 50th anniversary. Paolo Rivera (credited inside the book as "Paulo", even though HE WROTE HIS FRICKIN NAME ON THE PIECE HE SUBMITTED AS A COVER) really captured FF #1's look in his painted style.The Rundown: Action Comics (Joker's face is not like it should be), Adventure Comics V1 (Dawnstar's powers are incomplete), American Vampire ("gothca" instead of "gotcha"), The Avengers V4 (inconsistent credit lettering), Avengers: The Children's Crusade (inconsistent credit and next issue lettering), Avengers Prime (inconsistent lettering), B.P.R.D.-Hell On Earth: Gods (inconsistent series numbering), Batman Confidential (Hal Jordan's badge is right, then wrong), Batman (Enigma's eyes are colored wrong, Riddler's hair is colored wrong, accented letters), Birds Of Prey V3 (Dove's powers are incomplete, a speech balloon points to the wrong character), Booster Gold V2 (accented letters, Rip Hunter's eyes and hair are colored wrong), Brightest Day ("darkenss"), Captain America V2 (Black Widow's eyes are colored incorrectly), Chaos War: Dead Avengers (Beast looks nothing like he should, and his eyes are blank in an old painting), Chaos War: X-Men (the story mentions Banshee dying before Moira, but it was the other way around), Chip 'N Dale Rescue Rangers ("San Paolo" instead of "Sao Paulo"), Doom Patrol V5 (Rita Farr's eyes are colored incorrectly, as are Scandal Savage's), Fantastic Four V1 (Leech's speech patterns are wrong), Freedom Fighters (a sword is referred to as a "staff"), Fringe: Tales From The Fringe (accented letters and eñes), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (Guy's badge and ring are wrong), I Am An Avenger (inconsistent credit lettering), Klaws Of The Panther (Black Widow's eyes are colored incorrectly), The New Avengers V2 (baby Cage is too young looking, ñ, inconsistent credit lettering), Red Robin (Riddler's hair is colored incorrectly, several accented letters), Supergirl V5 (the Kryptonite's Man eyebeams should be green, not heat vision red), T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents ("negligience"), Uncanny X-Force (Deadpool's skin looks too smooth and healthy), Vision Machine ("Sao Paolo", "managment"), X-Factor V3 (Madrox's eyes are colored incorrectly), X-Men V3 (cover artist Paolo Rivera is credited as "Paulo", and WTF are Dum Dum Dugan and other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents doing in the X-Men's command center?), X-Men (Taco Bell Promo) (accented letters, and Nightcrawler's boots are colored incorrectly in a panel), X-Men Forever 2 (Mystique changes shape and the effect looks like a hologram fading; not her usual morphing; weird dialogue, "runic" is not a language you speak but a way of writing several different languages, Storm's eyes shouldn't be all white unless she's using her powers), X-Men Legacy (accented letters), X-Men: To Serve And Protect (Reed Richard's eyes are colored incorrectly).
<-------------------------------->
"WRONG SOUTHERNER, SUGAH!"
TITLE: Age Of X: Alpha (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).
DISSECTION: Cannonball says his family is from Caldecott County (which, while unsaid, is a fictitious Mississippi county), when they're actually from Cumberland County (a real Kentucky county). Yes, I suppose that this being an alternate reality, it could be different... except Caldecott County is where Rogue is from.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Wolverine's eyes are brown in another story.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT DOOR IS MADE OF KRYPTONITE! WAIT, WRONG HERO..."
TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 652.
CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).
DISSECTION: Peter slowly walks into a closed door... and it gives him a bloody, bruised nose. Really? Spider-Man's that much of a wimp?
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, there's an accented letter that's not smaller... but a lower-case letter in the midst of a whole page of upper-case dialogue...
<-------------------------------->
"BATMAN'S OLDER THANK HE LOOKS."
TITLE: Batman: Streets Of Gotham (DC).
ISSUE: 19.
CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).
DISSECTION: No, and a thousand times no. Bruce Wayne's parents couldn't have been in their 20s when heroes like Alan Scott and Jay Garrick were part of the All-Star Squadron or JSA and invited Zatara to join them... that's like the 1940s!
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"G.I. JOE: STEALTH MASTERS!"
TITLE: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (IDW).
ISSUE: 162.
CULPRIT: Larry Hama (writer) and SL Gallant (penciller).
DISSECTION: Cobra is on the run! G.I. Joe sends two agents to spy on them, and when they see the Baroness going her own way in an unmarked sedan, they decide to tail her through Jersey Shore roads... in full military gear, in a green military jeep with a double-barrel laser turret mounted in the back...
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Come on! Also, they mention the Baroness walking around in full black leather outfit when it's clearly Cobra-blue; not even "comic-book-black-with-blue-shades", but straight up blue.
<-------------------------------->
"HEROIC AGE: HERE WE GO AGAIN, THIS TIME ON THE KEY OF X."
TITLE: Heroic Age: X-Men (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator), various writers not specifically credited.
DISSECTION: It's the X-Men's turn at this; a few small mistakes; but nowhere near the level of previous Heroic Age handbooks:
- Steve Rogers didn't award Cyclops the Presidential Medal Of Freedom; while he asked the President of the USA to do it, it's awarded by... yes, you guessed it... the President of the USA.
- Karma's back history can't have communist Vietnam in it anymore, it's 2011.
- Magma's ancestry is described as "the daughter of one of the ancestors of an original citizen of Nova Roma"... what?
- Renascence, the former Wind Dancer (Sofia Mantega) was born in Venezuela, not Argentina.
- Alternate reality Steve Rogers dubbed "Captain Mexica" was not an agent of the Mexican government, since Mexico does not actually exist as a nation in his reality. He's an Aztec Empire agent.
DISSECT-O-METER: Various.
<-------------------------------->
"POWER SUIT, POWER BEARD!"
TITLE: The Invincible Iron Man V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 33.
CULPRIT: Jamie McKelvie (penciller).
DISSECTION: Tony Stark shaves in the morning, then goes to bed and falls asleep clean shaven (except for his perfectly trimmed 'stache and beard, of course)... and wakes up to look in the mirror at his five o' clock shadow stubble? How macho is the man to grow that much beard overnight?!
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, colorist Matt Wilson decided Tony has green eyes, instead of blue ones.
<-------------------------------->
"JUST WING IT. WHAT, HE'S DEAD? WHO CARES!"
TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 53.
CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller) and James Robinson (writer) in some.
DISSECTION: Is this the same Bagley that used to do Ultimate Spider-Man? Because he seems to be phoning it in here... both in terms of quality and accuracy. He draws the Doom Patrol looking like they did back in the 1960s, Geo-Force flying in the background when he wouldn't be there due to events in Outsiders... and the JSA shows up with Damage, who's dead?
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each, as well as Hal Jordan's badge being wrong, and an accented letter.
<-------------------------------->
"RED EYE SUBMARINE RIDE."
TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel)
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).
DISSECTION: Atlantean street signs in English, a Caucasian-skinned logomancer, Namor's eyes incorrectly colored, Doctor Doom's too, as well as Dr. Nemesis's hair... but what puzzles me the most is the fact that random Atlanteans have red glowing eyes. Why?
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTION OF STEEL."
TITLE: Steel V2 (DC).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Steve Lyons (writer).
DISSECTION: Come on, dissect his one as Steel prepares to face Doomsday:
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN-JOKE."
TITLE: The Thanos Imperative: Devastation (Marvel).
ISSUE: One-shot.
CULPRIT: Dan Abnett & Andy Lanning (writers).
DISSECTION: The "Knowhere/Nowhere" joke should not work in Shi'ar language.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So the first month of the year had ninety-four dissections, with an average of 6.7 Bazzars... on the high end of the usual spectrum. Moments Of The Week... Month! Quite a few, obviously, let's start with Dale shows he's just not the Rescue Rangers' clown:
Or rather, he's a clown with a purpose. Next, look's who's part of the Superman Family in the future:
Barry Obama! And you know what I didn't see coming, speaking of time travel?
That! Next, from the D&D comic, something I or one of my players would do:
I laughed out loud, honestly. What looks like a fairy tale story end, but is not bound to be "forever and ever"?
Yeah, that. Next, who Hercules gets real:
Or mortal. That should be interesting. Now, remember what I said about Cobra being very subtle? And the Jersey Shore?
... I wasn't lying. FIST PUMP! And from KODT, two beasts meet..
... and don't clash! And last, to kick-off Age Of X, Magneto does one of those nice stunts he tends to pull:
Something like lifting most of Manhattan in the air and transporting it away for use as a mutant fortress. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
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