Friday, November 28, 2008

The Dissector #99.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"We're doing steampunk X-Men here. (...) J#### C#####, I'm turning into Alan Moore." Warren Ellis, Astonishing X-Men: Ghost Boxes #1.

If I'm not catching up, at least I'm trying. This is the column for dissections found in books released on 10/29; so, dig it (yes, I've been listening to Isaac Hayes). The Dissect This! was not uncovered by anyone, and it was the fact that Helo gives his rank as private. Private is a Marines Rank, not a Colonial Navy rank; he'd be an ensign in any case... or if he hasn't graduated yet (I think he has, by that issue), a cadet.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Battlefields: The Night Witches #1; Garth Ennis gives us the start of another good fighter plane epic, this time around in WWII, and based on the Soviet Union's female fighter squadrons. Go read it. Worst Book Of The Week was, once again, Checkmate, this time issue #1. Please come back. Greg Rucka. Dissections, while I send good vibes to Greg so he returns to Checkmate:
<-------------------------------->
"GOGGLE.COM."

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Steve Kurth (penciller).

DISSECTION: Gravity's goggles come and go.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"KRAUTPTAIN AMERRIKA."

TITLE: Captain America Theater of War: Operation Zero-Point (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Charles & Daniel Knauf (writers).

DISSECTION: Dominik checked the Krautsprach of this issue, and found six dissections, for example, this one: "Verdeckt die Ausgänge" is wrong, it’s one of those Babelfish translations of "Cover the exits". "Blockiert die Ausgänge" or "Versperrt die Ausgänge" is what they were going for.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Badge for Dominik, of course.
<-------------------------------->
"CHECK THIS DISSECTION OUT, MATE!"

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 31.

CULPRIT: Bruce Jones (writer).

DISSECTION: Here, check this out:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DECIDE WHAT GLOVES TO WEAR, OLLIE."

TITLE: DC Universe: Decisions (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Howard Porter (penciller).

DISSECTION: One of Green Arrow's gloves appears and disappears.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FIRST DISSECTION OF THE PHANTOM DISSECTOR (NOT)."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 84.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Instead of "War Is Hell: First Flight Of The Phantom Eagle", I called it "War Is Hell: First Flight Phantom Eagle".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THIS IS DRIVING ME TO RAGE."

TITLE: Final Crisis: Rage Of The Red Lanterns (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Salaak again.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TO-TEM. REPEAT AFTER ME. TO-TEM."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Ed Benes (penciller).

DISSECTION: Yo, Ed! Quit worrying so much about asses and cleavage, and when a character (Vixen) depends on an object (Tantu Totem) to have powers, draw her wearing it. Now, at some points we can accept she's not wearing it because she's inside the totem itself... but she wears it in some pages, then she doesn't, then she does, then she doesn't...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MAYBE HE MEANT TO WEAR JUST HIS TIGHTS?"

TITLE: Rann/Thanagar Holy War (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 08.

CULPRIT: Ron Lim (penciller) and/or John Kalisz (colorist).

DISSECTION: Animal Man's boots, as every issue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OHNOES! ZOMG! THE SUPERNATURAL!!!"

TITLE: Superman & Batman Vs. Vampires & Werewolves (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 06.

CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm sick and tired of writers having Batman (and now Nightwing too) claiming that it's strange to run into vampires and werewolves and other supernatural creatures. They do it every single day, both in their own books, and in team books.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LOVE GLOVE."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 681.

CULPRIT: Renato Guedes (penciller).

DISSECTION: For the billionth time, John Stewart does not wear gloves.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SHE'S A VENTRILOQUIST, MAYBE?"

TITLE: Ultimate Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual 3.

CULPRIT: VC's Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Mysterio's police henchman has no arrow pointing to her from her speech ballon in one panel.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ANOTHER ONE?"

TITLE: Ultimate Captain America Annual (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Starkings/Comicraft/Deschesne (letterers).

DISSECTION: King T'Chaka's speech balloon is pointing to M'Baku in one panel.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Well then, we got an average of 6.2 Bazzars in seventeen dissections; good... or bad, I never know. Now, Moments Of The Week; first up we have a lolcat Red Lantern:


No, I did not make it myself, but it's funny. Second, the only thing worth a damn so far in Reign In Hell:


Fragtastic! And finally, Emma Frost is such a bitch:


Hehehehe. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

4 comments:

The Guvnor Paul C said...

Dissect This: just a couple of guesses but should it not read "Puff 'the' magic dragon."

Or Wikipedia is telling me that pheromones only work between the same species so unless the girl is also a dragon (too tiny to tell and I don't collect that book) they would be useless.

MaGnUs said...

Guvnor! Good to see you! But nope, you ain't got it in either try. I think someone's got it over at ICS.

MaGnUs said...

Yep, they did. The word "fuselage" is part of an airplane; the writer meant "fusillade".

MaGnUs said...

Comments originally posted on ICS.net, right after the column was posted:

Nick S.: Worst Book Of The Week was, once again, Checkmate, this time issue #1.


TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 31.



#1 or #31?

Also... fuselage? o_O


Sullivan E.: You spelled "I'm" incorrectly on a lolcat picture.

How dare you!


Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: Snake: Yeah, typo, it's 31. And yes, "fuselage"... are you saying you got a problem with that? :P

Sully: Read, I didn't make the lolcat myself.


DrSilent: Are you perhaps suggesting that human "female pheromones" should not work on magical dragon things of undetermined gender?


Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: DrSilent, nope, it's not that.


Nick S.: Yes... Yes I am. Because it makes NO sense in that sentence. A fuselage is part of an airplane, and not a part that can contain pheromones. I'm betting the intended word was fusillade.


Paul C: DrSilent, I guessed something pretty simila too over at MaGnUs' blog.

Anyway the only justification I could see for fuselage is that she is saying that she would theoretically generate enough pheromones to fill an airplane fuselage and then unleash them all at once, but yeah it is a bit odd.


Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: Nah Guv; it's just that the writer doesn't even know English. Another badge for Commodore Snakebyte.


DrSilent: So the DT is indeed the odd use of "fuselage" and you are now nitpicking because Snake didn't come right out and say it?

All in character, I guess. ;)


DrSilent: Woops... beaten to the punchline. :p


Martín "MaGnUs" Pérez: Nah, not nitpicking him, I just needed him to come out and say it to credit him.