The Dissector Special #04.

NOTE: Yes, I've been gone for almost a month, I know. Sorry about that, here's the ceremony for the 2005-2007 Autopsy Awards, I should be back next week with the begining of my catch-up columns for the past month.

Soft music echoes through the darkened room, a murmur of conversation of multiple people blends with the tunes, and suddenly, spotlights bathe the center of an improvised stage. The volume of the music goes up, and an announcer's voice (sounding just like Marcos Mundstock) says "Ladies, gentlemen, and other beings, please give it up for tonight's host... Uaaaaaatuuuuuu the Watcher!!!"

The crowd claps, and a bald figure dressed in a blue tuxedo, looking suspiciously similar to Brian Michael Bendis walks onto stage. "Thank you for your kind welcome! I am Uatu, and many of you know me from my voyeuristic adventures as the Watcher... and not the kind that watches hot slayers like Buffy..." As the crowd laughs, Uatu continues "I was a bit miffed, I confess, when MaGnUs changed the column to The Dissector, mostly because he changed the logo, which depicted yours truly in a very, well, shall we say, flattering light."


The Watcher walks a bit, and looking at his surroundings, he says "You might be wondering about your rather rustic surroundings, and why we've chosen this venue to celebrate the first ever Autopsy Awards. For those of you just tuning in, we're at a small bar located in the city of Montevideo, in Uruguay, a nation of what you'd call "the real world". The place is called "El Hacha", which means "The Axe", and it's the oldest standing establishment in town, having been founded in the late 18th century. It's earned that charming name after one of its bartenders was murdered by an axe blow to the head, also around three hundred years ago."


Pausing, Uatu produces a small purple kerchief from his breast pocket, and wipes his brow. "We thought about celebrating the ceremony at Warriors, over at DC's New Earth, Harry's Hideout, in Marvel's 616 Earth, or even Chalmun's cantina in Tatooine, but we settled on a place that would show no favoritism over a universe or another. Now, enjoy your cocktails and entrees, while we enjoy the first musical number of the night... Daaaaaazzler!!!"


A while later, after the performance of disco era Dazzler (complete with roller skates), the announcer's voice is heard again "Now, to present the first award of the evening, please welcome TV's William Shatner!!!!"


Elegantly clad in a dark suit, Shatner walks onto stage and stands behind the lectern, on which now rests a trophy depicting a bloody saw, like those used by coroners. "Thank you, thank you." the former Captain Kirk says as the thundering applause dies down. "I am here to present the first of a series of special awards. These are not awards dictated by votes, or by the number of times a specific mistake was made, but because they stood out among their peers. The first special award is the Justice Society of America's Cyclone, who in more or less than 20 comics she's appeared in, has never had her costume drawn correctly after the first time!"


The redheaded Cyclone flies onto stage, and when she lands and the whirlwind stops, the audience "ooohs" as they notice she's completely naked, clothes flying away at disparate angles! "I got tired of people getting my costume wrong," the superheroine says as she accepts the award (now covered in Shatner's drool) "so I just decided to get rid of it." More applause, and more drool later, Cyclone exits the stage, followed by Shatner. The announcer then says "And now, for the first award decided by your votes, please welcome Johnny Five!!!"


Gold plated for the occasion, the threaded robot rolls to the appointed place on stage, and its synthesized voice fills the speakers "Woooooohoooo! I'm very glad to present the award for Best Writing Dissection. The nominees are...

"UNITED SOCIALIST SOVIET KINGDOMS.", from issue five of the Books Of Doom, by Ed Brubaker.

"GOTHAM CITY, CITY STATE?", from 52 Week 14, ostensibly by Greg Rucka.

“NINJAS, SMINJAS!”, from issue 93 of Exiles, by Chris Claremont.

“FASTER THAN A RAY OF LIGHT!”, from issue 8 of Battlestar Galactica V4, by Greg Pak.

"MATH IS DIFFERENT IN THE FUTURE.", from issue 31 of (Supergirl And) The Legion Of Super-Heroes V5, by Tony Bedard.

"MY, MY, HOW YOU'VE GROWN!!", from issue 1 of Batman/Lobo: Deadly Serious, by Sam Kieth.

"SCIENCE IS HARD!", from issue 13 of Justice League Of America.V2, by Dwayne McDuffie."

Johnny Five opens the envelope and reads "And the winner is....SCIENCE IS HARD!!!" Dwayne McDuffie trots on stage and grabs the award, only stopping to say into the microphone "I swear I'm not turning the JLA into the JLU!!!"


As McDuffie leaves the stage, the announcer says "For our next award, please welcome Mr. Stan "The Man" Leeeeeeee!!!!"

Stan Lee walks on stage in the midst of the applause, affable as always, and as he positions himself behind the lectern, he says "Excelsior, true believers! And those of you who read DC comics as well!" As the audience's laughter dies down, Stan says "I'm here to present the first of the awards not given by any special circumstance, or by the reader's votes, but for sheer quantity of dissections. In this past two years that the column's been running, of over a thousand nits or dissections, the company with most dissections, and by a difference lower than 20 over the runner up, DC Comics, is... Marvel Comics!!!"

The Man's face goes ashen, as he looks up "Is this some kind of sick joke? Why the hell was I asked to present this particular award? What, you want a No Prize? Is that it? Alright, no more Mr. Nice Guy!!!!" The previously jolly comic book legend starts trashing the stage, when suddenly, a vaudeville style cane grabs him by the neck and removes him from view.


Uatu hurriedly enters the stage, looking flustered, as he says "What better moment than this than to present our next vote-in award? To present it, please welcome Benny Hill!!!"


Benny Hill walks on stage, and smiling, rapidly pats Uatu several times on the top of his head "Thank you Uatu! Yes, I know what many of you are thinking. Benny Hill is dead! Yes, of course I'm dead. But I'm the Benny Hill of Earth-23, where I still make fun of British people for the amusement of the whole world. And that's that. The nominees for Best Art Dissection are the following:

"REACH OUT AND TOUCH...", from issue #182 of X-Men V2, by Salvador Larroca.

"HELP! I'M SHRINKING!", from issue #4 of X-Men: The 198, by Jim Muniz.

"I ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE VIGILANTISM.", from issue #40 of Countdown by Manuel García."

Benny opens the envelope and looks at the slip of paper inside "Can you say landslide? Because all votes where for our winner, except for one. The winner is... "I ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE VIGILANTISM", by Manuel García!"

García, or rather someone wearing a plastic bag over his head walks on stage, grabs his saw-trophy, and says "MMMPHPHWOO!"


The music blares up, and as the mysterious figure leaves, a spotlight falls on Uatu, who's in a corner of the stage. "Our next presenter comes from a land down under, so let's please give it up for Crocodile Dundee!!!"


A rugged figure walks on stage, and sizes up the award in front of him "Well, it ain't a knife, that's f'sure mate. But it is bloody big, I'll tell ya. I'm here to present a special award for single issue with the most dissections. And the awards goes to Civil War: Battle Damage Report!!!" The audience claps, but nobody comes on stage to claim the award, Crocodile Dundee picks it up and leaves with it.

Uatu walks on stage again, and tugging a little at his collar says "Well, no hard feelings, right Marvel Handbooks team, eh?" Let us welcome our next presenter, a random Spanish-speaking person, who also speaks English, like the millions that live in the USA and could be consulted by writers when attempting to give their books some ethnic flavor!!!!"

A completely un-stereotypical person walks on stage, dressed in a gray suit "Hello." he says with just a hint of a Latin accent. "Let's just call me Manuel, and that's as stereotypical as I'll get. It's not even my real name."


"The nominees for Best Coloring Dissection are:

"THE INCREDIBLE COLOR-CHANGING CAPE", from issue #29 of Teen Titans V3, by Jeromy Cox.

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE GREEN OR WHITE!", from issue #32 of the same book, also by Jeromy Cox.

"I ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE VIGILANTISM", from issue #40 of Countdown, by Thomas Chu."

Opening the envelope, "Manuel" reads the contents and says "My, this was a tight race. The winner, by just one vote, is once again "I ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE VIGILANTISM", by Thomas Chu!!!"


A second figure (or perhaps the same as earlier), head covered in plastic bag, climbs on stage and raises the saw-trophy over his head "MMMWROREEE!" As the figure leaves, the announcer says "For our next award, please welcome.... is this for real? This can't be right.... uhm... OK...the Dungeon Master from the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon!!!!!""


Bald, short, and red-robbed, the Dungeon Master pops onto stage, and climbs behind the lectern "Yes... the next award is to the Book With Most Dissections... and the winner is....Countdown To Final Crisis!!!!"

Dan DiDio's mustachioed's visage appears hovering in a gigantic hologram "THANK YOU!!!!!", while in the audience Paul Dini sighs and says "I think he missed the point..."


Uatu chuckles while the spotlight shines on him, and says "Our next award was decided by your votes, but it's the first of two that goes to something positive, instead of mistakes. To present it, please welcome Mr. Chuuuuuck Noooooooorriiiiiiiis!!!"


Chuck Norris walks onto stage, kicking and punching at the air "Hey partners! I don't present awards, I am PRESENTED BY THEM!!!! YEEEHAW!!!!!!! But allow me to introduce the nominees for Best Quote:

"Electricity can only be replenished by whisky. This is actual physics. Don't argue with me, I am a doktor." Doktor Sleepless, Doktor Sleepless #1.

"Look at the Concorde: you used to be able to cross the Atlantic in three hours flat. Then the cunts stuck the future in a museum." Billy Butcher, The Boys #9.

"From the state of ridiculously tall and gorgeous amazons with perfect skin. Alba-chusetts, West Jessicabiel-burg. Stupid Alba-chussets." Brenda Del Vecchio, Blue Beetle V7 #18.

"Super-friction, Brainiac. Super-friction creates static electricity. Super-static-electricity creates... Shakkaboom. (...) My dream, my rules, you clockwork moron." Superman, Superman V1 #666.

"That is, without a doubt, the nastiest tasting stuff I ever put in my mouth." Wonder Girl II, Countdown #32.

"I'm getting lectured on CHILD SAFETY from a man who's gone through FOUR ROBINS?" Wally West (obviously to Batman), The Flash V2 #233."

Chuck throws the envelope in the air, and roundhouse kicks it open, catching the slip of paper with his teeth. He reads it, and announces "And the winner is..... Doktor Sleepless' whisky quote. by Warren Ellis!!!!!"


Doktor Sleepless jetpacks down from the ceiling, grabbing the award without stopping "YES!!! I SHALL EXPERIMENT WITH THIS AWARD!!! AND I SHALL CREATE.... THE FUTURE!!! Or perhaps, some kind of cataclysmic event that eradicates all life on Earth..." and flies away.


The announcer laughs nervously as he says "I could have sworn that was Warren Ellis dressed as Doc Sleepless... Anyway, please welcome our next presenter, Adam West!!!"


Adam West saunters onto stage, waving at everyone. "Thank you, thank you, old chums! I'm here to present the award for Best Lettering Dissection. The nominees are... the following:

"I DON'T THINK WE'RE SUPOSSED TO MENTION THAT IN FRONT OF TONY, HE MIGHT GO AND TELL HIS DRINKING BUDDIES...", from issue #16 of New Avengers, by Richard Starkings & Comicraft's Albert Deschesne (letterer).

"COCONUT PLANTATIONS ARE ILEGAL IN THE DC UNIVERSE.", from issue #1 of The Question Quarterly, by Willie Schubert (letterer).

"OH D?OS M?O!", from issue #16 of Blue Beetle V7, by Phil Balsman.

"WHA?", from issue #490 of Uncanny X-Men, by VC's Joe Caramagna."

West pulls the envelope from his pocket and opens it "And the bat-winner is... "WHA?", by VC's Joe Caramagna!!!" Joe walks onstage, and gladly accepts the award from "Batman" "Thank you, I'm a reader of the Dissector, and this is a great honor! Thank's for your votes, and don't take yourselves too seriously!!!"


The announcer says "Let's give it up for Mr. Caramagna, and keep clapping for our next musical number.... THE VILLAGE PEOPLE!!! And not that crappy new line-up, the original ones!!!!"


The whole audience moves to tune of the classic YMCA, and after minutes of frenetic dancing, Uatu walks on stage again. "Our second positive award is presented by... yours truly. I love to watch, and some moments are just to cool. The nominees for Best Moment are:

Peter Parker pwns Kingpin, from Amazing Spider-Man #542.

Superman kills Lex Luthor with a superloogie, from Superman V1 #666.

Matter-Eater Lad shows you why pointing is rude, from (Supergirl And) The Legion Of Super-Heroes V5 #33.

Tek-Knight humps a meteorite, from The Boys #10.

Namor rips off Venom’s tongue, from Sub-Mariner V2 #4 of 6.

Earth Green Lanterns swear their oath, from Green Lantern V4 #24."

Uatu smiles "And the winner is.... Earth Green Lanterns swear their oath!!!"


Geoff Johns and Ivan Reis trot on stage, and accept the award and say in unison "IN BRIGHTEST DAY, IN DARKEST NIGHT.... YEAH BABY!!!!!" and run off stage really happy with their saw-trophy.


The announcer's voice is heard again through the speakers "To introduce our last vote-in award, please welcome the Dissector himself, Grand Admiral MaGnUs, of the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps!!!" Impeccably dressed in Victorian-style British Admiral of the Fleet uniform, only in dark green tones, full of condecorations. Behind him, and to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars, marches an honor guard of the HDSC, with their ceremonial saw-haldberd weapons.


MaGnUs stops marching and the troops arrange themselves in the background of the stage; removing his impeccable white gloves to handle the envelope. "Thank you, thank you all." he says, as the applause dies down. "I'm here to present the last vote-in award, the award to "Best Other Dissection", which includes editors and the like. I've always said, from the start of this mission, when I was the Nitpicker, that editors are always at fault for not spotting the mistakes their creators do. The nominees are...

"THEY SHOT MFK!", from issue #539 of Amazing Spider-Man, by Axel Alonso (editor).

"EVEN THE REST OF HER POWERS ARE INVISIBLE!", from the onef-shot Civil War: Battle Damage Report, by Anthony Flamini (head writer/coordinator) and/or Ronald Byrd (writer), and Michael Hoskin (proofing coordination).

"52 UNIVERSES CERTAINLY ISN'T ENOUGH...", from the DC Nation column from the week of September 24, 2007, by Richard Bruning (DC Creative Director)."

Opening the envelope, MaGnUs reads it "And the winner is... "THEY SHOT MFK!", by Axel Alonso!!! Let's give it up for Axel, who at least admitted to goofing up!!!"


Axel climbs on stage and accepts his award "Don't look for the gaff in the second printing and the trade, because we've fixed it!" As Alonso walks off-stage, the Uatu announces the next presenters "Please don't throw any blunt or bladed objects at our last presenters, Michael Turner and Rob Liefeld!!!"


Rob and Mike walk on stage, as security guards deal with the rowdier members of the crowd. Michael Turner says "We might not know much about anatomy, but we can at least stick to character designs." to which Rob adds "Most of the time, anyway. But there are some character designs that just don't seem to be understood by artist, and that's what the last special award is. The Golden Autopsy Award of 2005-2007 goes to... the many shapes of the X-Men's Beast!!!!"

Uatu walks on stage, as the 10 feet video screen behind the stage projects multiple images of the Beast, and he brushes Rob and Mike aside, climbing behind the lectern.


"Uuuh... we just got word that Joe Quesada, who was supposed to accept this award, is still stuck drawing One More Day, despite the fact that it's already been published. Something a deal with the devil or some other nonsense. So, this concludes our awards ceremony, let's enjoy our last musical number, for which we've reunited Swedish black metal band Dissection, and they'll be playing for us their song Black Dragon! Yes, we had no idea they existed before this ceremony, but come on, they're called Dissection, and look at that song title!!!


The crowd claps as a black leather clad trio takes to the stage, with videos of dragons and gruesome cadaver dissections are shown in the screen behind them. Black metal sound explodes from the speakers, as the crowd slam-dances, including a very drunk and loud trio comprised of Mark Millar, Warren Ellis, and Brian Michael Bendis. Oddly enough, Uatu is nowhere to be seen now. In the background, from a dais, the Grand Admiral of the HDSC surveys all... the awards are done, and it's time to resume the vigil, for NOTHING ESCAPES THE DISSECTOR!!!!

The Dissector Special #03.

I got your Autopsy Awards nominees right here! The voting will be via e-mail, because I couldn't manage to set up them damn web polls... Send your votes to lordmagnusen at gmail.com, in the following form (each nomination has a code): "W01, A03, C02..."

Some of the awards are not subject to vote, as they are given solely on a numeric basis (most Dissected company, etc), or specially awarded for extraordinary "merit". Of course, the text for each dissection is the original one from when they were published, but I've added (mostly) new comments for all. Let's get started with the Best Writing Dissection nominees:
<-------------------------------->
W01-"UNITED SOCIALIST SOVIET KINGDOMS."-#12

COMMENT: This is the worst historical-related plot nit I've ever found.

TITLE: Books Of Doom.

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Ed Brubaker (writer).

DISSECTION: From page 10, I quote Gustav the gipsy "The King has the backing of the Russians now." WTF????!?!?!??! Since this "Russians" they speak of are the USSR (we know it's so, because they refer to them as the Soviets on page 23), and the Soviets would have NEVER, EVER, backed a monarch, this is so hare-brained a plot device I can't even begin to think what the hell Brubaker is aiming at.

DISSECT-O-METER: This gets 10 Bazzars, it's as stupid as saying that there's a KKK chapter formed by black people...
<-------------------------------->
W02-"GOTHAM CITY, CITY STATE?"-#17

COMMENT: This goes to show how some people have no idea how the world works...

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 14.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer) and/or Greg Rucka (writer most likely in charge of this section).

DISSECTION: When Renee Montoya's passport is stamped in Khandaq (page 2, panel 8), it reads "U.S. Embassy, Gotham City, United States"... wtf? I thought Gotham went back to being part of the USA after the No Man's Land. Since when countries have embassies in their own cities?

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, big mistake, but not story-affecting.
<-------------------------------->
W03-“NINJAS, SMINJAS!”-#23

COMMENT: One of the many examples of why Chris Claremont should have retired.

TITLE: Exiles.

ISSUE: 93.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Now, don't get me wrong, I'm very happy that Claremont is back on his feet. But he keeps on making stupid mistakes that could be avoided with a little research and attention to detail. In this issue, he confuses the word "ninja" (you know, those sneaky guys who kill people) with "gaijin" (a somewhat derogatory term Japanese use for foreigners).

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Chris, it's NINJAS, for God's sake!
<-------------------------------->
W04-“FASTER THAN A RAY OF LIGHT!”-#23

COMMENT: This just left me speechless.

TITLE: Battlestar Galactica V4.

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak (writer).

DISSECTION: This series sucks. Not only the art is horrible, but the plot is very, very, lame. On top of all that, on page 19 a ship filled with old Cylon Centurions and one number 8 jumps towards "the heart of the Cylon Empire", and arrives "Ten seconds later on the other side of the universe."

What?!?!? An FTL in the new BSG universe, not even a Cylon FTL, can't travel to the other side of the galaxy, let alone the OTHER SIDE OF THE UNIVERSE in ten seconds.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Come on!
<-------------------------------->
W05-"MATH IS DIFFERENT IN THE FUTURE."-#30

COMMENT: Something doesn't add up...

TITLE: (Supergirl And) The Legion Of Super-Heroes V5.

ISSUE: 31.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer) and/or Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: Legion of Super-Heroes election results (page 9): Brainiac 5: 7%, Cosmic Boy: 23%, Lightning Lad: 26%, Supergirl: 54%. So, it adds up to 110%! What?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W06-"MY, MY, HOW YOU'VE GROWN!!"-#37

COMMENT: Physics, and how writers disregard them for fun and profit.

TITLE: Batman/Lobo: Deadly Serious.

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: Sam Kieth (writer/artist).

DISSECTION: Meh. That's what this book's caused in me so far, it's readable, but nothing out of the ordinary. Only one nit, but a fairly big one; on page 48, the entity that possesses women (the one Lobo and Batman are fighting) tells her current host that she's "entering another orbit" and that her "body mass will change with it." Sam, it's your weight that changes with gravity, not your mass, since weight is a product of your mass times the gravity of the place you are in. For those of you who never paid attention in junior high physics, experiencing changes in your mass would mean that you actually grow or shrink. Colloquially, we refer to mass as "weight", but I'd never seen it the other way around.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
W07-"SCIENCE IS HARD!"-#42

COMMENT: Ah, biology is also neglected!

TITLE: Justice League Of America.V2.

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Dwayne McDuffie (writer).

DISSECTION: On page fourteen, Poison Ivy attacks Green Lantern (John Stewart) by multiplying part of his intestinal flora (mycobacterium paratuberculosis, to be precise)... but intestinal flora, despite its name, it's made of plants, it's made of bacteria.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, dammit, if you wanna do science fiction, read up on science. Anyone who's finished high school and paid some attention should know that intestinal flora is made of bacteria.
<-------------------------------->
I already know which is my favorite. Let's go on with the nominees for Best Art Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
A01-"REACH OUT AND TOUCH..."-#07

COMMENT: I sometimes wonder if pencillers actually read the scripts they're working on.

TITLE: X-Men V2.

ISSUE: 182

CULPRIT: Salvador Larroca (penciller).

DISSECTION: Larroca is almost back at his previous standards, but he screwed up big time here... on page 19 he draws Pulse and Rogue talking to each other, and Rogue "realizes" he's touching her (his hand on her arm). Thing is, they're both wearing full bodysuits.... Nothing happen because apparently Pulse's powers cancel Rogues... or MAYBE it's BECAUSE they're NOT ACTUALLY TOUCHING!!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, Larroca really screwed up here.
<-------------------------------->
A02-"HELP! I'M SHRINKING!"-#13

COMMENT: This is just... well.... it's like drawing a Wolverine that stands 7 feet tall...

TITLE: X-Men: The 198.

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: Jim Muniz (penciller).

DISSECTION: Page 20. Panel 3. Shadowcat's shoulder. Lockheed. Muniz, get this straight: LOCKHEED IS NOT THE SIZE OF A HUMAN HEAD, MUCH LESS THE SIZE OF A HUMAN FIST AS YOU DREW HIM HERE!!!! Not only you're repeating the mistake you did last issue, you're worsening it!

Here's a tip: before using a character in a book you're drawing, look at the references, at least read a single comic where that character has appeared, or check the character’s Handbook entry.

DISSECT-O-METER: God, this only gets 10 Bazzars because I can't give it an 11... I'm so tempted to make an exemption....
<-------------------------------->
A03-"I ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE VIGILANTISM."-33

COMMENT: There seems to be at least one error each week in Countdown, and this has been the worst. Oh, it was my first (and only, so far, 20 Bazzars).

TITLE: Countdown.

ISSUE: 40.

CULPRIT: Manuel García (penciller) and Thomas Chu (colorist).

DISSECTION: Oh. My. God. Look at the image below, this is supposed to be the Question, aka Renee Montoya:


ARGH! DAMMIT! Have García or Chu NEVER read a Question comic? Did they even read 52? Where they at least given reference materials on how the Question's mask is supposed to look like? It doesn't bloody look like the answer to any of those questions is yes. First of all, even if we leave aside the exaggerated depth of the eyes on the mask, there's too many wrinkles, it looks too much like a mask, and not like real-looking artificial skin.

Second, both for Vic Sage and for Montoya, the Mask stops where their hairline starts, so it looks like a featureless face. This looks like Montoya is wearing an opaque condom on her head with her pony tail coming out of the hole. Lastly, and not worse than the shape of the mask, is the color Chu's given this. Again people, it's SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE A FUCKING FEATURELESS FACE, LIKE REAL SKIN!!!! Not like an obvious rubber mask!

For the umpteenth time, LOOK AT THE FUCKING REFERENCES FOR THE CHARACTERS YOU'RE GOING TO DRAW OR COLOR!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, in fact, this is going to count double. Yes, double, as if it was a 20, fuck dammit all to hell!
<-------------------------------->
Yes, I know, there's less nominations for this category... most have three, except for a couple of the categories, where I just couldn't choose. On with the nominees for Best Coloring Dissection, with my all favorite nit of all times:
<-------------------------------->
C01-"THE INCREDIBLE COLOR-CHANGING CAPE"-#02

COMMENT: This is wonderful, other nits that came after it got 10 Bazzars, but this will always be my favorite. Jeromy Cox, the culprit, will visit us every now and then. In retrospect, this probably should have gotten a 10, but I was too meek back then, too much in control of the Nitpicker, as the beast called itself those days.

TITLE: Teen Titans V3.

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

DISSECTION: Alright, we all know that before Tim Drake, Robin's costume sucked ass. The scaly green speedos, the bare legs (or skin-colored pantyhose in Burt Ward's case), the insufferably bright colors of the yellow cape and red tunic, all that made for one of the worst costumes in comic book history. So when Robin II (Jason Todd, previously thought dead), currently Red Hood, decided to make some changes to his old costume (same one Dick Grayson wore before him), I thought, ok, that's cool.

You see, Jason is all nutso, and appears in his Red Hood garb before Robin III (the aforementioned better-costumed Tim Drake), but takes off his villainous costume to reveal a Robin suit underneath, and challenges Tim to a fight. How the heck did he keep that cape from bulking up on the back of his tight leather jacket, is beyond me. Thing is, Jason decided he was leg-shy, and threw in a pair of yellow tights to cover his legs (maybe he hadn't shaved) and instead of the elf-slippers, a pair of elf-boots.

Apparently, as we see in page, he borrows a page from Tim's book, and also wears a yellow-on-the-inside and black-in-the-outside cape. Makes sense, you can hide in the shadows better (never mind the yellow tights). But... on the next page, his cape is yellow, inside and out. But... in the last panel of that page, it's black outside, yellow inside again!

In page 10's first panel it's all yellow, then in the third panel it's yellow inside, black outside (although that could be a shadow), because in the last panel it's yellow outside again. It's still all yellow for all of page 11, and when we see it again on page 14, and apparently it's still all yellow in pages 15 through 17, and then he's gone. What gives?

DISSECT-O-METER: I'm tempted to give this a 10, but it's not a nit that affects the story. Still, it's pretty major, so it gets the highest score so far, the first-ever 9 Bazzars!
<-------------------------------->
C02-"I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE GREEN OR WHITE!"-#07

COMMENT: Ah, Jeromy Cox and his crazy coloring... he's the only person with more than one nomination!

TITLE: Teen Titans V3.

ISSUE: 32.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

DISSECTION: On page eight, panel six, Beast Boy's communicator (I really prefer Changeling, Beast Boy sounds like a Legion Of Super-Heroes name, which I love, but this is the Titans) beeps in the middle of his meeting with the Doom Patrol; and in panel seven, they do a close-up of his hand holding the device... and his skin is not green, it's white (ok, not chalk white, but Caucasian).

DISSECT-O-METER: This is a big mistake, it gets 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
C03-"I ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE VIGILANTISM.-#33

COMMENT: Same thing as before, but from a coloring point of view.

TITLE: Countdown.

ISSUE: 40.

CULPRIT: Manuel García (penciller) and Thomas Chu (colorist).

DISSECTION: Oh. My. God. Look at the image below, this is supposed to be the Question, aka Renee Montoya:


ARGH! DAMMIT! Have García or Chu NEVER read a Question comic? Did they even read 52? Where they at least given reference materials on how the Question's mask is supposed to look like? It doesn't bloody look like the answer to any of those questions is yes. First of all, even if we leave aside the exaggerated depth of the eyes on the mask, there's too many wrinkles, it looks too much like a mask, and not like real-looking artificial skin.

Second, both for Vic Sage and for Montoya, the Mask stops where their hairline starts, so it looks like a featureless face. This looks like Montoya is wearing an opaque condom on her head with her pony tail coming out of the hole. Lastly, and not worse than the shape of the mask, is the color Chu's given this. Again people, it's SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE A FUCKING FEATURELESS FACE, LIKE REAL SKIN!!!! Not like an obvious rubber mask!

For the umpteenth time, LOOK AT THE FUCKING REFERENCES FOR THE CHARACTERS YOU'RE GOING TO DRAW OR COLOR!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, in fact, this is going to count double. Yes, double, as if it was a 20, fuck dammit all to hell!
<-------------------------------->
My vote is already cast. Let's go with the nominees for Best Lettering Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
L01-"I DON'T THINK WE'RE SUPOSSED TO MENTION THAT IN FRONT OF TONY, HE MIGHT GO AND TELL HIS DRINKING BUDDIES..."-#08

COMMENT: Lettering gone wild!

TITLE: New Avengers.

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Richard Starkings & Comicraft's Albert Deschesne (letterer).

DISSECTION: On page 9, last panel, Ms. Marvel talks to Captain America and mentions "(...) the whole House of M thing.", but the words "House of M" are striked-out with a red line. This happens again in the first panel of page 10, but then in that same page, in the third panel "House of M" is normal; then in panel six it's striked out again.

All the sentences except one work without the words "House of M", so I'm guessing that at the last minute Brian Michael Bendis (the book's writer) decided that the conversation between Ms. Marvel and Cap should be sort of more secretive, and told the letterers to remove the words; they striked them out in red to remember to remove them... but didn't remove them. And they missed one, because that phrase didn't make sense without it...

DISSECT-O-METER: This is kind of big, so it gets 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
L02-"COCONUT PLANTATIONS ARE ILEGAL IN THE DC UNIVERSE."-#16

COMMENT: Languages people, languages.

TITLE: The Question Quarterly.

ISSUE: 1.

CULPRIT: Dennis O'Neil (writer) or Willie Schubert (letterer).

DISSECTION: On page 11, Vic Sage (aka The Question) tells a criminal who's captured him "And you're (...) growing COCO plants." and the criminal answers "Which get processed into a very profitable commodity." Uh... I think they meant COCA, which gets processed for cocaine (but you can also make legal and benign products out of coca... like Coca-Cola), as it's later stated that the guy is a drug lord. Coco is coconut.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
L03-"OH D?OS M?O!"-30

COMMENT: It's incredible nobody realized something was wrong.

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7.

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Phil Balsman (letterer), and maybe also John Rogers (writer).

DISSECTION: When I pick up Blue Beetle, not only do I know it's going to be a good read, I also know it's going to have at least one Spanish language related nit!

In this case, on page 10, panel two, Paco starts reciting the Hail Mary in Spanish, but he says "Dios et salve, Mar? a (...)" instead of "Dios te salve María(...), which means "God save you Mary", the equivalent of "The Lord is with thee".

Two things are wrong here, the first is "et" instead of "te"; and the second one is the tilde on "María" being replaced by "? ". This is something that happens sometimes with fonts or programs with character sets that don't include Latin characters such as the accented vowels (I think that's the reason).

In any case, I'm going to give props to John Roger for trying to get this right. In this case, it seems like an honest error. It's still funny, so I'm gonna show you the image. Even if you don't speak Spanish, you can notice there's something wrong there:


DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars (it's an honest error, but still, how could you not notice there's a question mark in the middle of a word?).
<-------------------------------->
L04-"WHA?"-39

COMMENT: They even make impossible things happen!

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men.

ISSUE: 490.

CULPRIT: VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: On the credits for the Endangered Species story, colorist Raúl Treviño's first name is incorrectly given as having the tilde on the "R", something that's not only wrong, but impossible.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Some jewels there, huh? Now let's check out the nominees for Best Other Dissection:
<-------------------------------->
O01-"THEY SHOT MFK!"-#21.

COMMENT: The best example of editors not doing their job, continuity-wise.

TITLE: Amazing Spider-Man.

ISSUE: 539.

CULPRIT: Axel Alonso (editor).

DISSECTION: When Spider-Man has Mary Jane register Aunt May (shot down by the Kingpin's sniper) in the hospital, he tells her to use May's maiden name "Fitzgerald"... but as far as we know, her maiden name is "Reilly". What gives?

Credit where credit is due, I did not realize this on my own, I only realized it after I read this post on Newsarama. Thanks BradE!!!!

Once more I go out of my way and point out an editor as the culprit. Why? Because in Newsarama's Cup of Joe for March 30, Axel Alonso said: "That was an error. Just slipped through the cracks. JMS emailed us to fact-check Aunt May's maiden name, and in a glitch, we gave him the wrong name. It was one of those "D'oh!" moments that just got past everyone here. We've fixed it for the second print and the trade."

Fitzgerald, as I found out the other day, is the maiden name of Mary Parker, Peter's mother. So, having too much Spidey knowledge actually made Axel and his people go wrong?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, Reilly being May's maiden name is the whole point of the Spidey-Clone calling himself Ben Reilly.
<-------------------------------->
O02-"EVEN THE REST OF HER POWERS ARE INVISIBLE!"-#21.

COMMENT: This book was a proof that a couple more proofreads before print, preferably by sober people, are a good idea.

TITLE: Civil War: Battle Damage Report.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Anthony Flamini (head writer/coordinator) and/or Ronald Byrd (writer), and Michael Hoskin (proofing coordination).

DISSECTION: Page 22, Fantastic Four's profile, the Invisible Woman's powers are described as "can render herself and other objects wholly or partially invisible by mentally bending all wavelengths of light in the vicinity around herself or the target in question."

Huh? What happened to her power to project force fields??!?! We're only talking about one of the most important characters in the Marvel Universe, heck, it's one of the first four characters we can call part of the Marvel Universe, and were not added to it by retcon.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Simply outrageous.
<-------------------------------->
O03-"52 UNIVERSES CERTAINLY ISN'T ENOUGH..."-#46

COMMENT: Why do some people get jobs like "Creative Director" and are put in charge of stuff they know nothing about?

TITLE: All DCU titles I read the week of 10/24.

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Richard Bruning (DC Creative Director, writer of that week's DC Nation).

DISSECTION: Bruning talks about Zuda, and says "What in the 52 multiverses..." There's not 52 multiverses, there's one multiverse, and 52 universes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Now for the nominees for the first of the homegrown categories, Best Quote:
<-------------------------------->
Q01-"Electricity can only be replenished by whisky. This is actual physics. Don't argue with me, I am a doktor." Doktor Sleepless, Doktor Sleepless #1 (#33).

COMMENT: Instant classic.
<-------------------------------->
Q02-"Look at the Concorde: you used to be able to cross the Atlantic in three hours flat. Then the cunts stuck the future in a museum." Billy Butcher, The Boys #9 (#35).

COMMENT: Progress, crippled.
<-------------------------------->
Q03-"From the state of ridiculously tall and gorgeous amazons with perfect skin. Alba-chusetts, West Jessicabiel-burg. Stupid Alba-chussets." Brenda Del Vecchio, Blue Beetle V7 #18 (#37).

COMMENT: Teen dialogue at its best.
<-------------------------------->
Q04-"Super-friction, Brainiac. Super-friction creates static electricity. Super-static-electricity creates... Shakkaboom. (...) My dream, my rules, you clockwork moron." Superman, Superman V1 #666 (#37).

COMMENT: Silver Age retro is good, sometimes.
<-------------------------------->
Q05-"That is, without a doubt, the nastiest tasting stuff I ever put in my mouth." Wonder Girl II, Countdown #32 (#41).

COMMENT: I love out of context quotes.
<-------------------------------->
Q06-"I'm getting lectured on CHILD SAFETY from a man who's gone through FOUR ROBINS?" Wally West (obviously to Batman), The Flash V2 (#46).

COMMENT: You tell him, Wally!
<-------------------------------->
Alright, now for the last in-house category, the nominees for Best Moment:
<-------------------------------->
M01-Peter Parker pwns Kingpin (#33).


COMMENT: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
<-------------------------------->
M02-Superman kills Lex Luthor with a superloogie (#37).


COMMENT: He indeed is a powerful visitor with mysterious powers.
<-------------------------------->
M03-Matter-Eater Lad shows you why pointing is rude (#37).


COMMENT: Makes me hungry, for some reason.
<-------------------------------->
M04-Tek-Knight humps a meteorite (#39).


COMMENT: Chika-chika-bow-bow.
<-------------------------------->
M05-Namor rips off Venom’s tongue (#42).


COMMENT: OW!
<-------------------------------->
M06-Earth Green Lanterns swear their oath (#44).


COMMENT: Way cool.
<-------------------------------->
OK, get voting, you have until Wednesday, November 28th, more or less, to do so. Catch you next Thursday with the regular column, hopefully. Remember, nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #46.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I'm getting lectured on CHILD SAFETY from a man who's gone through FOUR ROBINS?" Wally West (obviously to Batman), The Flash V2.

Yes, I know, this column is about a week late. My lateness is mostly due to the fact that I'm doing an earlier shift at work, which means I arrive there at a busier hour than before, thus having less free time to write. Also, I've been busy with the organization of a charity RPG event last Sunday, which turned out quite well. Check out my deviantArt gallery for pictures of the event, and of Halloween. How was everybody's Halloween? I had a blast, with a party at home a few days before, a small celebration at work, and trick or treating with my kid for the first time around the neighborhood. In fact, I hadn't trick or treated since I left the US, back in 1984 was the last time I went out for candy.

Another factor in my lateness is the fact that the increased workload generates a bit more of stress for me, and I sometimes want to unwind, just reading or posting stuff in forums or other people's blogs. It's not that I don't enjoy writing this column, but... I have to think to write it, and sometimes I just want to enjoy myself. I'm sure you can all understand. This here column is about comics released on 10-24, I'll try to catch up with the one about comics from 10-31 sometime around Monday night... and then, I'll try to be on time with the column for comics out this week.

Allow me to tell you about The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. The best book of the week was Doktor Sleepless #3, with flawless art from Ivan Rodriguez, and a great script from Warren Ellis. The book keeps getting better and better, while the plot thickens, and we get glimpses into Doktor Sleepless' and Nurse Igor's past, and we start to discover what the good Doktor (or his more mundane counterpart in jail) might be.

The worst book of the week wasn't particularly bad in its quality, but rather because of what it represents. I'm talking about Action Comics #857, with dorky kid Clark who looks like Woody Allen, Bizarro world and all that. It's just too cheesy, I can't take it, and they're destroying all that Byrne built...

On another note, while researching something for this column made me stumble upon a comment made by Peter David on the Comic Book Resources board, about readers calling the writers on their continuity mistakes. A poster complained about Titania being in a shrinked state in the first issue of Peter David's She-Hulk run, a point that was made moot by the former writer of the book, Dan Slott (and if it had been a dissection, Miss Kitty Fantastico, who's on that board, and posting on that very same thread, would have alerted me to it).

The poster complains about the writers "not keeping up with the characters, to which Peter David answers "You're being critical of the writer of this issue (namely me) because I didn't know six months ago when I wrote this story about what was happening in an issue of "Fantastic Four" that just came out. Since Marvel doesn't circulate the scripts of every single book to every single writer months ahead of time because such an endeavor would be unwieldy and impractical...what would you suggest I have done in order to "keep up" with a book that wasn't going to come out for half a year?"

Frankly Mr. David, I don't think it's the writers to blame, at least not completely. As I've said in numerous occasions, it's the editors who should pick up most of these continuity errors. I can't believe it's too difficult for the publishers to set up some sort of internal message board or mailing list for the editors and assistant editors to use to compare notes. Then, when a writer wants to use a particular character of whose current status or whereabouts the writer's not sure about, they ask their editor "Hey, Editorperson, can you check if Z-character is available for me to use in my book?"

Editorperson goes and posts a message saying "Hey, is anyone doing anything with Z-character that would bar us from using him?", and if Editorperson2 knows one of his writers has just killed Z-character or imprisoned him in a time loop, he'll tell Editorperson, so the first writer can either look for another character, or come up with a way of using Z-character without ignoring continuity.

In fact, as much as there are wikis with character and plot information available for us mere mortals (that I use extensively when I'm in doubt of something), including an official one for Marvel (publisher in question in Mr. David's statement), there could very well be a similar method of filing for editors and writers to use. Is it a bit of extra work? Yes, it might be, but when you have universes as big as Marvel and DC have (and that's one of the things I like about superhero comics), it's worth to pay a little bit of attention to this little things many fans enjoy seeing done correctly. Or else we have stories like the one Slott and Templeton had as their last for She-Hulk. Rant mode off, sorry, let's get on with this week's dissections.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S ONE OF THOSE LITTLE WHITE LIES PARENTS TELL THEIR KIDS."

TITLE: Action Comics

ISSUE: 857.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns & Richard Donner (writers).

DISSECTION: On the first page, Clark (age ten or so) goes down the list of his powers... and he's got all of Superman's powers as an adult! Yet recently, Clark told Chris (his foster son) that his powers had developed slowly over time....

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, I'm hating this silveragization like you don't know it. Luckily the following issue with the start of the Legion storyline is better.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO-PERMAN?"

TITLE: Action Comics

ISSUE: 857.

CULPRIT: Eric Powell (penciller/inker).

DISSECTION: Never mind the horrible art, but on page 19, there's a panel where Powell doesn't bother drawing the "S" on Superman's chest.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"52 UNIVERSES CERTAINLY ISN'T ENOUGH..."

TITLE: All DCU titles I read the week of 10/24.

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Richard Bruning (DC Creative Director, writer of that week's DC Nation).

DISSECTION: Bruning talks about Zuda, and says "What in the 52 multiverses..." There's not 52 multiverses, there's one multiverse, and 52 universes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECT YOU, DISSECT ME."

TITLE: Black Panther V4.

ISSUE: 31.

CULPRIT: Val Staples (colorist).

DISSECTION: Alright, what's wrong with this page?


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHITEOUT."

TITLE: Black Panther V4.

ISSUE: 31.

CULPRIT: Francis Portela (penciller/inker) and possibly Val Staples (colorist) too.

DISSECTION: On page 19, Storm's eyes are completely white, yet she's not using her powers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, just because they can never get it right.
<-------------------------------->
"MARY, MARY."

TITLE: Countdown.

ISSUE: 27.

CULPRIT: Carlos Magno (penciller).

DISSECTION: Mary Marvel's boots, on page 12, have regular heels instead of stiletto ones, as she should have.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars, at least she has heels.
<-------------------------------->
"CYCLONE MOVE SO FAST THAT NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT HER COSTUME LOOKS LIKE!"

TITLE: Multiple DC titles.

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Multiple pencillers and colorists.

DISSECTION: Another badge to Miss Kitty Fantastico for this pretty extensive bit of research: "She's definitely not wearing shorts, that much is certain just from the same issue.

What with all these Cyclone costume goofs, I got curious last night and pulled all the Cyclone appearances I have (everything except the Tales of the Sinestro Corps: Superman-Prime one-shot) and checked them all. You know what? I think she's some kind of jinx - out of fifteen issues she appeared in, only one managed not to get her outfit wrong somehow.

Incidentally, in JSA #1, I also noticed that Power Girl is wearing green lipstick in one panel, where she's hovering in mid-air talking to Maxine. But anyway:

JSA #1, page 24 her pants are the wrong colour, page 36 her neckline is coloured as if it's her top, which we can see from other panels is wrong. #2, page 6 onwards her shirt is tucked in, where it was loose in #1 - that could be explained as saying she tucked it in sometime prior to the final panel of #1, though. Page 12 has the lower hem of her top wrong. In #3, page 13 her tank top is the wrong colour, page 17 the tank top isn't pencilled in, and her sleeves are missing. #4 page 22 her tank top's missing. #5 page 15, her cyclone symbol has a crease in it - the sketch notes in the hardcover specify that the symbol is a solid piece attached to her top, not a design printed onto the top's fabric, and every other close-up view of it has borne that out; on page 21 her tank top is the wrong colour, and on page 22 it's gone missing again.

JSA #6, page 1, her sleeve's missing. #7 page 15 her symbol's missing, maybe concealed by a fold in her top but that's stretching credibility a bit; on page 21 her tank top looks to be missing, though it may just be the angle we see her from - again, that's not very likely, but possible. #8 page 12, her tank top's the wrong colour. #9 page 5 her tank top and drape are the wrong colour, page 13 her sleeves are the wrong colour, and page 14 her sleeves, dress, stockings, shows and symbol are all the wrong colour (bloody hell). And in #10, in addition to the three already noted, her symbol is the wrong colour on page 1.

In other titles, in JLA #8 page 23 her right shoulder strap is the wrong colour, she doesn't appear in #9, in JLA #10 page 24 her tank top is missing, in Brave and the Bold #7 her shoulders are misdrawn and/or miscoloured, and in Green Lantern #24 her tank top's the wrong colour and her sleeves are missing.

Ironically, the only issue to get her right? Countdown #38. Maybe there's some sort of conservation of goofs going on - if Cyclone and Mary Marvel appear in the same issue, only one of them gets her outfit wrong.

Omitting the Superman-Prime special - I'm working on getting a scan of her appearance in that, probably just another one-panel one - she's appeared in 15 issues, on a total of 66 pages, and has racked up 34 errors.

That's got to be worth an honorary Autopsy Award.

I'd say the only way she could escape her costume jinx would be to just ditch the costume and become DC's first nudist superhero... but with her luck, the artists would probably keep forgetting the Brazilian every couple of pages."

Indeed, this will be some kind of Autopsy Award.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, just out of sheer volume.
<-------------------------------->
"GANTHET, SALAKK IS GIVING ME THE FINGER!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2.

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Patrick Gleason (cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Salakk's gloves are again fingerless, this time on the cover.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OW, MY EYES!"

TITLE: She-Hulk V2.

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Peter David (writer).

DISSECTION: So, a small-time crook with a tech-suit calls himself "Hi-Lite", and has a light-based gimmick. Lasers, night-vision goggles, the works... yet his goggles don't have compensators for when the lights are turned on. Highly unlikely on a high-tech set of duds such as the ones he's wearing.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HAND ME THE GREEN."

TITLE: She-Hulk V2.

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Avalon's Rob Ro (colorist).

DISSECTION: Miss Kitty Fantastico spotted this one; on page 18, Absorbing Man catches She-Hulk's fist in his left hand, but on one panel her hand is not colored green, as it should. Badge for MKF, of course.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HEAVY METAL."

TITLE: She-Hulk V2.

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Avalon's Rob Ro (colorist).

DISSECTION: On page 24, the Absorbing Man has absorbed the properties of the chassis of a school bus... so if he's made of metal now, why is his skin still flesh-colored?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHY MESS WITH A CLASSIC?"

TITLE: Superman/Batman.

ISSUE: 41.

CULPRIT: Dustin Nguyen (penciller).

DISSECTION: This book is stinking slightly less as of late, and Dustin Nguyen's art is decent. However, he made the same mistake Koi Turnbull did recently on Superman Confidential, that is, drawing treaded soles and heels on Superman's boots. Again, heels might be acceptable, but comic book Superman's costume has never shown treads on the boot soles.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. It's not horrible, but it's a pretty obvious detail of Superman's costume... I've even always assumed him to wear soft boots, almost thick socks...
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S THAT DYE TREND THAT GOES AROUND."

TITLE: Superman/Batman.

ISSUE: 41.

CULPRIT: Randy Mayor (colorist).

DISSECTION: On page 20, Perry White's hair is colored completely brown, without the grey temples he has. In fact, and I'm not considering this other thing a dissection because he's seen in the background, Perry looks too youthful... he looks like Han Solo in the original trilogy.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CALIGRAPHIC CRISIS."

TITLE: Tales Of The Sinestro Corps: Tom Wel... er, Superman-Prime.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Ethan Van Sciver (cover artist).

DISSECTION: I'll overlook the fact that Van Sciver makes TWP (Tom Welling Prime) look like Superman, as if he were a completely adult man... but he draws a simple "S" as his chest scar, when he "drew" an actual "S-shield" on himself.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CANARY CRY OF FASHION."

TITLE: Tales Of The Sinestro Corps: Superman-Prime.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Pete Woods (penciller for part of the book).

DISSECTION: Black Canary's uniform (particularly her boots) are not drawn correctly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT STRIPPER SURE GETS AROUND!"

TITLE: Tales Of The Sinestro Corps: Superman-Prime.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer) and/or Pete Woods (penciller for part of the book).

DISSECTION: Starfire is in a group shot, when she's supposedly de-powered. However, by now, seeing other characters from that shot, I'm willing to accept that this might be a bit in the future, where she has already regained her powers. Still... I'll be waiting....

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BOOSTER? OH, YOU'RE HERE FOR THE STRIPPER!"

TITLE: Tales Of The Sinestro Corps: Superman-Prime.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer) and/or Pete Woods (penciller for part of the book).

DISSECTION: Booster Gold is in that group shot, and I don't know if he should go around doing public hero stuff... still, it's possible, and with Geoff Johns being one of the writers on Booster's book, I'll give this a low rating.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YOU KNOW, RICHARD BRUNING SAYS THERE'S 52 MULTIVERSES...."

TITLE: Tales Of The Sinestro Corps: Superman-Prime.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Wally West says he can't believe TWP is dumb enough to set foot on Earth again, to which "our hero" answers that "Where else am I going to go. There aren't any other Earths." You'd think he'd know about the 52 universes by now, or at least, about the anti-matter universe, from where HE JUST CAME FROM with the rest of the Sinestro Corps.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MINE WAS IN THE LAUNDRY, SO HAL LENT ME ONE OF HIS."

TITLE: Tales Of The Sinestro Corps: Superman-Prime.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Jerry Ordway (penciller for part of the book).

DISSECTION: Ordway draws (apart from the correct scar "S" on TWP's chest) John Stewart with a classic GL uniform, instead of the customized one he's worn for years. Also, I'm not sure if Ordway does only the "classic" flashback scenes here, I think he also does the more recent ones.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I LOOK BETTER IN BLUE, DON'T I?"

TITLE: Tales Of The Sinestro Corps: Superman-Prime.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Pete Woods (penciller for part of the book) and Brad Anderson (colorist).

DISSECTION: TWP flies into the sunlight, and one moment he's wearing a Sinestro Corps costume, and the next (even if he rips it up), he has Superman colored tights, briefs, and boots. Yes, he could have ripped off his Sinestro tights and boots too (thus proving that Superman boots are thick socks rather than actual boots), but the panels clearly show him only ripping his shirt. Yes, he can do it at greater speed, but still.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars, for the previous reasons.
<-------------------------------->
"I BORROWED ONE OF KAL'S CAPES."

TITLE: Teen Titans V3.

ISSUE: 52.

CULPRIT: Alé Garza (cover penciller) and (Rod Reis (colorist).

DISSECTION: On the cover, Supergirl's cape is missing the yellow trim.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BRACELETS OR CASTS?"

TITLE: Teen Titans V3.

ISSUE: 52.

CULPRIT: Alé Garza (cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Wonder Girl's bracelets go almost up to her elbow; when they should go at most to mid-forearm (as interior penciller Igle draws them).

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"EYE CAN'T SEE!!!"

TITLE: The Flash V2.

ISSUE: 233.

CULPRIT: Freddie E. Williams II (penciller) and/or Tanya & Richard Horie (colorists).

DISSECTION: On page 12, Wally's eyes are completely white when he's in costume.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M STEALING NORMAN'S STUFF."

TITLE: Thunderbolts.

ISSUE: 117.

CULPRIT: Mike Deodato, Jr. (penciller/inker).

DISSECTION: Doc Samson asks the guards at Thunderbolts Mountain to return his laptop bag and briefcase, yet he entered carrying no such things. Furthermore, when a guard does give him his possessions back, he returns only one item, that seems to be a briefcase (and they don't return him his hat!).

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LIGHTNING, SO FAST, IT'S GONE."

TITLE: Velocity-Pilot Season.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Uncredited artist.

DISSECTION: In both ads for the pilot season books, Velocity's lighting tattoo is missing from her face. She also appears to be wearing a slightly different uniform, so it might be some sort of new look for her new series, if she gets enough votes. This dissection was brought to you by Miss Kitty Fantastico, who earns yet another badge.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PEOPLE WITH SUPERPOWERS? PREPOSTEROUS!"

TITLE: Velocity-Pilot Season.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Joe Casey (writer).

DISSECTION: Some military personnel see a speeding bogey on their radar, and say that "nothing" moves that fast. I know this isn't Marvel or DC, but the Top Cow universe does have a large number of superhuman, they shouldn't be so surprised.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PET PEEVE #1, I THINK IT WAS."

TITLE: X-Men V2.

ISSUE: 204.

CULPRIT: Mike Choi (penciller/inker).

DISSECTION: Beast.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"JEFF'S ANATOMY."

TITLE: X-Men V2.

ISSUE: 204.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: Mean Jeff wrote a few weeks ago, just after reading the preview pages of this issue: "Herr Dissector,

I realize this is jumping the gun by a week, but my brain is on the verge of IMPLODING beneath the weight of my Lewis Black-esque rage/frustration at more Marvel craptaculaciousness. Seriously, the title 'Editor' apparently is only that, a TITLE, as opposed to an actual job fucking description.

(...)

Put a gander on the first page, with Beast orally citing his notes. Notice he uses medical terms: maxilla, scapula, collarbone (hey, as a doctor, my colleagues and I have been known to use collarbone instead of clavicle many a time so I'll let it slide here), and then 'Upper and Lower Leg Bones'. Upper and lower leg bones? {Sound of pages swishing} No...can't seem to...huh. What d'you know? Ain't no such thing as Upper Leg Bone or Lower Leg Bone in my Marieb or Netter texts. Oh, wait, I know why...CUZ THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY'RE FUCKING CALLED!!! Especially since "lower leg bone" could be one of TWO bones (tibia and fibula, in case you were wondering). What. The. Fuck.

One panel is all it takes to make Beast go from astute egghead doctor type with a 25 cent vocabulary to carries a lunchpail and rides the short bus filler character. Seriously, they'd've done less damage if Beast reported that Cannonball broke "one of his below the waist thingees."

And if Cannonball HAD broken his upper leg bone (which is connected to the hip bone and that's connected to the....back bone and the back bone's connected to the....neck bone.....) why would his leg be supported ALOFT, in a vacuum tube like thingee that's clearly supporting the LOWER leg bone (which is connected to the ankle bone and that's connected to the....) and there's nothing splinting the upper leg--oh for fuck's sake, it's a FEMUR!! FEMUR!!!--so it's obviously NOT broken. Hell, even Joe Thiesmann's looking at this and saying it's fucking wrong.

I spell lazy: M-A-R-V-E-L."

Wow... my readers get very riled up sometimes... but this was the qualified opinion of a physician. Who are we to disagree. I did have to look up who Joe Theismann and Lewis Black are. I wasn't surprised not to know Theissman, with my complete obliviousness to sports in general and American football in particular; but Lewis Black seems to be a comedian who's routines I'd enjoy.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. I won't disagree, but it's possible that Sam has broken all of his leg bones; but still, it's not consistent with Beasts vocabulary in the same scene, and in general.
<-------------------------------->
I'm making another change right here and now, there won't be any DAYAMN or WTF moments anymore, just a section called "Moments Of The Week". The moments will range from the "cool!" to the "what where they thinking?", to the "that's weird..." This week we have three moments, starting with more hardcoreness from Green Lantern Corps:


Yes, Kilowog drops an aircraft carrier (which seems oddly small, but it might be a matter of perspective) on Arkillo, then tears off his finger to strip him of his power ring. Kick-ass! The second moment of the week is definitely of the "wow, that's weird" variety, with Starro the Conqueror bringing cupcakes to a bedridden Superman:


Strange things happen... And the last Moment Of The Week would have been a WTF, look at this image from Superman #669's "The Third Kryptonian":


Yes, Kryptonians used lightsabers!!! Well, that's all for this column, we had a pretty high 6.6 Bazzars, and some nice dissections. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Nitpicker #24-END OF 52 SPECIAL.

DISCLAIMER

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

Well, here's the end of 52 special; only a week later after 52 #52 came out. You'll find nits that have already been featured in the column, back before it was in the form of this blog, but after a certain point, I decided to save all 52 nits for a special... this special! You can see how, up to week 34 (the first nits written up especially for this installment), I give less Bazzars than you'd expect me to... that only goes to show how I grow less and less intolerant month after month!

Enough chatter, on with the nits!
<-------------------------------->
"I'M FROM THE FUTURE! I KNOW EVERYTHING! SAY... WHO'S THAT GUY WITH THE GLASSES? HE KINDA LOOKS LIKE SUPERMAN!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 1 of 52.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns, Grant Morrison, Greg Rucka & Mark Waid (writers, henceforth known as The Writing Team).

NIT-TO-PICK: Wonderful start for 52, I've been eagerly awaiting for this book to start, not only because it will tell you what happened during the past year in the DCU, but because one of the main stars is The Question, and he's one of my favorite characters.

But alas, there had to be a nit, even if I have to grasp at straws to find it. In page 21, when Booster Gold goes haywire, he punches somebody while he's struggling and Martian Manhunter and Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) are trying to restrain him (BTW, I know Booster's armor is from the future, but really, can't J'onn and Hal restrain him?).

In the next panel we see that who he hit is Clark Kent, who is bleeding from his nose, meaning that the loss of powers he suffered during this year was already in effect this early into the year. When Booster punches him, Clark says from off-panel, that Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman are not coming; and in the following panel, Booster looks straight at him and asks him "How the hell do YOU know?"

I'd wager that Booster, after his time with the JLA, probably knew Supes' secret ID... even if he didn't, he has detailed historical records from the 25th Century, and he stresses that several times... even if they were wrong because of the Infinite Crisis, the little tidbit about Clark's ID should be there. But then again, he could be so out of his mind with the shock of his records being wrong that he doesn't recognize Clark.

NIT-O-METER: Can't give this more than a 2, since it's very easy to explain as I said above, with Booster is not thinking straight at the moment.
<-------------------------------->
DOPPERGANGLINESS IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER."

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 3 of 52.

CULPRIT: The Writing Team, but I think this particular scene is the handiwork of Geoff Johns.

NIT-TO-PICK: In page 16, when the scientists at Star Labs and John Henry Irons (aka Steel) find out that the Lex Luthor corpse they have is not "our" Lex, but Alexander Luthor, from Earth 3... Are you really telling me that the only way to find out when somebody is from an alternate reality than by his eye color? Something like the vibrational frequency of the body's matter?

I mean, I bet Alex Luthor could change his vibrational frequency... couldn't he change his eye color as well?

NIT-O-METER: Just a small nit, 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
IT'S IN HIS EYES, THAT'S WHERE IT IS!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 9 of 52.

CULPRIT: Shawn Moll (penciller), and/or David Baron (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Page 14, first panel, Adam Strange clearly has eyes, even if they're white, and none of the scarring around where his eyes used to be.

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, big but not important, this nit was even admitted by Stephen Wacker (editor of 52 at the time) on Newsarama.
<-------------------------------->
"EYE SEE YOU!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 9 of 52.

CULPRIT: Shawn Moll (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: Alright, this is one of my pet peeves... mostly because it's one of my favorite characters. On page 21, panel one, The Question's mask has eyes... IT DOES NOT HAVE EYES. THE WHOLE POINT OF THE MASK IS THAT HE LOOKS FACELESS!!!

NIT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, I'VE BEEN EXCERCISING, THANKS FOR NOTICING."

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 11 of 52.

CULPRIT: Keith Giffen (breakdowns) and Joe Bennett (penciller for this particular subplot).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 11 (and on the rest of the book), Charlie (aka The Question) looks too big, too beefed up; he looks more like Batman or Superman. The body type is wrong, Question is fit; muscular, but not broad shouldered as they've drawn it here.

NIT-O-METER: Just 3 Bazzars, can't give it more.
<-------------------------------->
"IT JUST GREW BACK."

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 11.

CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (layouts) and/or Andy Lanning (finishes).

NIT-TO-PICK: In the History of the DCU section, namely in page 25 of the book, panel 5, we have a reproduction of a section of the scene from Infinite Crisis 7 where Wonder Girl mourns the death of Superboy... and we got ourselves a DOUBLE NIT!!!! I'm not going to bitch about the tears in the costumes or the poses not matching the original art (because they don't), but there's two things that do bother me. The first one, and the subject of this particular nit? Well, Superboy (Kon-El) lost his right hand in the battle against Superboy Prime, and in Infinite Crisis 7 you can clearly see it was cut-off at the wrist, even leaving what appears to be a "closed" stump... but in this recreation of that scene, even though the panel border cuts it off, you can see the beginning of his right hand, specifically his thumb joint.

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHILE IT GREW BACK, I HAD TIME TO CHANGE CLOTHES."

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 11 of 52.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox & Guy Major (colorists).

NIT-TO-PICK: Aaaaaaaaaaaaand the second part of this double nit is brought to us by two of our favorite colorists. Who can forget Jeromy Cox, who gave us such classics as "THE INCREDIBLE COLOR CHANGING CAPE" (I'm going to milk this one forever, am I not?) and "GREEN LANTERN GLOVES, THEY COME AND GO...". And nobody will fail to remember Guy Major... well, yes, I think he's only appeared here once, and for something minor.

So, what did they do? Simple, they colored Wonder Girls pants blue, instead of red... they might have been thinking of the jeans she wears OYL... tsk, tsk, tsk...

NIT-O-METER: Just 5 Bazzars, can't go higher with this one.
<-------------------------------->
"I JUST HAD TO SAY IT AGAIN."

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 12 of 52.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 7, the last dialogue by Adrianna Tomaz (soon to be Isis) on panel 1 is repeated as her first dialogue in panel 2.

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, it's a stupid error, but hardly major.
<-------------------------------->
"I SHUST DONT KNOW HOW, TO WRITE THIS SENTENCE."

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 13 of 52.

CULPRIT: Nick J. Napolitano (letterer) and/or (but not very likely) The Writing Team.

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 9, panel 1, Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) says to Ralph Dibny (aka Elongated Man) "You wanted friends here (...) you're afraid you've cofused desperation, for judgment." Wow, that's three nits in one sentence! First, and most obvious, the word is not "cofused", but "confused", second, between "you're afraid" and "you've cofused", there should be a comma, which, third, appears in "desperation, for judgment", where there should be none. The correct sentence would have been "(...) you're afraid, you've confused desperation for judgment."

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, even if it's big, it doesn't make the dialogue impossible to understand. Just because you're the letterer doesn't mean you get to screw up.
<-------------------------------->
"GOTHAM CITY, CITY STATE?"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 14 of 52.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer) and/or The Writing Team, Greg Rucka being the writer most likely in charge of this scene.

NIT-TO-PICK: When Renee Montoya's passport is stamped in Khandaq (page 2, panel 8), it reads "U.S. Embassy, Gotham City, United States"... wtf? I thought Gotham went back to being part of the USA after the No Man's Land. Since when countries have embassies in their own cities?

NIT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars, big mistake, but not story-affecting.
<-------------------------------->
"ALL THESE INJUNS ARE THE SAME TO ME"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 22 of 52.

CULPRIT: The Writing Team.

NIT-TO-PICK: This is an old one, and one I found out thanks to 52 Pickup, a wonderful fellow blog that picks apart 52 on a, what less, weekly basis.

This issue has the appearance of the new "Super Chief", who gets his power from a "Manitou Stone. "Manitou" is a word used by the Algonquin speaking peoples of New England to mean 'spirit,' as in having spiritual power. Thing is, the legend of the first "Super Chief", states that he was "A great noble of the Iroquois nation". An Iroquois wouldn't have called on "manitou, the great spirit in things"; he'd have called it "orenda."

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, a little research, particularly on cultural issues such as this one, doesn't hurt.
<-------------------------------->
"THEY CHARGED BY THE CANDLE..."

(NOTE: This nit, and another one further down originally contained the word "Jew" in some instances, as I believed "Jew" and "Jewish" were the same when referring to a person. Apparently, it is, but some Jewish people take offense at the use of "Jew", due to its past use as part of racial slurs. I opted to change the wording as to not offend anybody.)

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 33 of 52.

CULPRIT: Keith Giffen (breakdowns) and Joe Prado & Tom Derenick (pencillers).

NIT-O-METER: It's the end of Hanukkah, and on page 10, we can see that at Renee Montoya's apartment, the Jewish festivity has been celebrated by herself, Aristotle Rodor, Vic Sage, and Katy Kane (aka Batwoman, who's the only Jewish person of the bunch). There's a menorah, the seven-armed candelabrum used by the Jewish people; problem is, on Hanukkah, they light a Hanukkia, which has 9 arms. Oh, there it is again, on page 13.

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, please research this kind of cultural/ethnic things.
<-------------------------------->
"I KEEP IN SHAPE!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 33 of 52.

CULPRIT: Joe Prado & Tom Derenick (pencillers).

NIT-TO-PICK: On pages 10 and 11, Vic Sage (aka The Question) is shown with his face emaciated due to cancer, gaunt, as if he's lost a lot of weight; which one of the symptoms of lung cancer; yet his pecs are looking as muscular as ever. His open shirt shows his chest muscles, which look athletic as he was before the disease kicked in... and as far as I know, if you lost enough weight as to make your face look quasi-skeletal, you're gonna lose muscular mass.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M NOT REALLY HERE"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 33 of 52.

CULPRIT: The Writing Team, and/or Keith Giffen (breakdowns) and/or Joe Prado & Tom Derenick (pencillers).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 14, several scenes of DC heroes celebrating Christmas can be seen, and one of them is Green Arrow, with what are most likely Black Canary, Arsenal and Speedy in the background. Wait, isn't Green Arrow, along with most of his "family", supposed to have spent the 52 year in a remote island, training?

Incidentally, on the same page, Guy Gardner is seen creating a Santa-with-reindeers-and-sled, and a menorah with his ring, he's excused from knowing which candelabrum is the correct one, since he's not Jewish, and apparently doesn't have any friends that are. I do, and that's why I know the difference.

NIT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars, I guess they could have returned home for a few days to celebrate the holidays.
<-------------------------------->
"THE BATSIGNAL IS BROKEN, SO WE'RE USING SMOKE SIGNALS"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 33 of 52.

CULPRIT: Keith Giffen (breakdowns) and/or Joe Prado & Tom Derenick (pencillers).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 16, Jim Gordon is shown smoking a pipe. I thought he'd quit.

NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars, he might have started again.
<-------------------------------->
"ESSENTIAL... A MATTER OF SEMANTICS"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 33 of 52 (backup origin story).

CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer) or Michael Siglain (editor).

NIT-TO-PICK: At the end of the Martian Manhunter's origin story, an essential storylines list is given. Among them are two stories where J'onn only has small appearances, almost cameos: Formerly Known as the Justice League (which in fact has been largely ignored by DC's editorial, as if where out of continuity) and Countdown to Infinite Crisis.

There's other problems with this essential storylines list, mainly continuity issues stemming from the reboot to Earth-1 after Crisis on Infinite Earths, and the semi-reboot into New Earth after Infinite Crisis. A good analysis of these problems, and other issues with the Martian Manhunter's can be found on Everyday Is Like Wednesday, another damn fine comics blog.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT'S IN A NAME?"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 33 of 52 (backup origin story).

CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer) or Michael Siglain (editor).

NIT-TO-PICK: On the last page of the Martian Manhunter's origin story, specifically in the "Powers and Weapons" section, his name is misspelled as "Jonn", instead of "J'onn".

NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars, might be a typo, but it's still in something important like a name.
<-------------------------------->
"TIME IS BROKEN!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 34 of 52.

CULPRIT: And the first freshly-written nit of the bunch goes to.... The Writing Team and/or Travis Lanham (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: The opening fight scene, on the first page, opens with "Week 34, Day 1"; and two pages later, still the same scene, reads "Week 34, Day 3."

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, it confuses the hell out of you, since the chronology of this book is really important. I think Wacker admitted to this one as well.
<-------------------------------->
"DAMN HIPPIES! THEY'RE TOO LAZY TO USE TWO SEPARATE WORDS!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 34 of 52.

CULPRIT: The Writing Team and/or Travis Lanham (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 6, the famous environmental organization is referred to as "Green Peace"; when their name is only one word, "Greenpeace".

NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars, because a little research wouldn't hurt. Even my word processor's spell check knows it's one word.
<-------------------------------->
"MR. MIRACLE TAUGHT US THIS TRICK!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 36 of 52.

CULPRIT: Chris Batista or Jack Jadson (pencillers).

NIT-TO-PICK: On the first panel of page 5, you can see that Animal Man and Starfire are wearing some sort of restraints, shackles on their wrists, and some sort of thick metal collar. You can also see Buddy's on panel 3. But then, from panel 4 (when they're mobbed by the Lady Styx's goons) on, they're clearly not wearing any restraints, not on their neck, not on their wrist. In that same panel, number 4, Animal Man asks Lobo to release them, but you don't see Lobo doing that.

NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars, I guess Lobo could have some sort of remote for the restraints, but it wouldn't have hurt showing how he activated it, or having Buddy ask him to release them one panel earlier.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M STILL KEEPING IN SHAPE."

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 36 of 52.

CULPRIT: Chris Batista or Jack Jadson (pencillers).

NIT-TO-PICK: Back when talking about Week 33, I commented on how gaunt Vic Sage, aka Charlie, aka The Question looked due to his lung cancer (now extended to other parts of his body), or at least, how his face looked emaciated, but the rest of his body was as buff as a healthy man's. Well, three weeks later, and he's supposed to be even worse; yet on page 12 his face and what little we can see of his body look normal.

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, it's getting worse, and not only Vic's health!
<-------------------------------->
"SORRY, I JSUT SLRUR WHEN I'M DRURRNK!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 37 of 52.

CULPRIT: The Writing Team (most likely Mark Waid or Geoff Johns) and/or Travis Lanham (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: What an issue! The Supernova reveal, he's Booster Gold, so Booster ain't dead! I loved this particular issue.... for that, and for learning that Animal Man had not really died. But there has to be some nits in this issue, right?

Well, on the first panel of page 18, Lobo says "partorl" instead of "patrol"; and I know he's talking in "tough guy speak", saying things like "figgered" or "stoopid" (a dialect made famous by Ben J. Grimm, aka The Thing, so much that I expected lobo to call Adam Strange "Stretcho"), but "partorl"?!?!??!

NIT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"GET RID OF THE BODY!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 37 of 52.

CULPRIT: The Writing Team (Grant Morrison, most likely).

NIT-TO-PICK: Well, are we supposed to believe that Adam Strange and Starfire would leave Animal Man there for there? What makes them experts in his physiology, in his powers, that they are 100% sure that he's really dead? But that's not the point here... or actually... .yes, it is. Both Adam Strange and Starfire are smarter than that.

NIT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, YOU CRAZY BLIND MAN!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 37 of 52.

CULPRIT: The Writing Team and/or Travis Lanham (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 19, panel 2, Adam Strange speaks as if he's replying to something Starfire just said.... but Starfire is silent, there's no speech balloon there or on the previous panel!

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'VE BEEN WORKING OUT TOO!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 41 of 52.

CULPRIT: Giuseppe Camuncoli (penciller), and maybe also Rodney Ramos (inker) and Alex Sinclair (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Apart from the fact that Aristotle "Tot" Rodor looks nothing like he used to (from frail old hippy to rugged Telly Savalas); why are his eyes lacking pupils on page 5, panel 5?

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WEAREATAPREMIUFORSPACE!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 46 of 52 (backup origin story).

CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer) and/or Phil Balsman (letter), or perhaps Michael Siglain (editor) and/or Harvey Richards & Jeanine Schaefer (associate editors).

NIT-TO-PICK: Not really sure who writes the text on the little profile at the end of these origin stories; but on Batman's, on page 23 of this issue, the "Essential Storylines" section lists as its last item "Batman: The GreatestStories Ever Told".

NIT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"HELL, WHAT A FUN PLACE!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 41 of 52.

CULPRIT: The Writing Team (most likely Greg Rucka).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 4, Renee Montoya says "(...) a place where sins are indulged with abandon. (...) Hell." Uh.... isn't Hell where sins are, you know, punished?!?!?!?!

NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M GOING FOR THE MARYLIN MONROE LOOK!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 49 of 52 (backup origin story).

CULPRIT: Alex Sinclair (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: I found these origin stories to be nicely done, but, for the most part, they didn't add anything to what we already know. It was hoped that they would give some insight as to how the DC Universe has changed after Infinite Crisis, but apart from the JLA's origin, not one story told us something new (perhaps there were other stories that did, but I can't remember them). We didn't even get a definitive (until the next retcon or reboot) Superman origin!!!

But in this case, on the second and last page of the JSA's origin (page 23 of the book), Power Girl's hair on the last panel is a very faint shade of platinum blond; almost white (you can only tell it's not actually white by comparing it at the white fabric of her costume). She's blonde, a regular blond shade that is usually the same as that of Alan Scott or Stargirl (and you can see that the two ladies share the same hair color, as they're depicted together in the first panel of the same page).

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Liberty Belle (Jesse Chambers) also has the same hair color than Power Girl, Stargirl, and Green Lantern; maybe even a little bit darker... she's shown here in a platinum blond color one shade darker than Power Girl's wrongly colored hair, but I will let this one slide as due to lighting.
<-------------------------------->
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 49 of 52 (backup origin story).

CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On the last panel of page 23, still on the JSA origin story, the current (as of that issue of 52, more or less) lineup of the team is show, and Stargirl is incorrectly billed with her previous codename, Star-Spangled Kid. And why the hell is Obsidian smiling? Creepy!

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT, ARE YOU TOLD FOR SUPERHERO NAMES?"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 49 of 52 (backup origin story).

CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: Same page and panel, if Starman (Thom Kallor), Hourman (Rick Tyler), Liberty Bell (Jesse Chambers), Mr. Terrific (Michael Holt). Dr. Midnite (Pieter Cross), and Sandman (Sanderson "Sandy" Hawkins), are all called by their codenames, even if they're not the first person to use that name (the whole JSA and the DC Universe in general is about legacy heroes); why then are Flash and Green Lantern billed as "Jay Garrick" and "Alan Scott".

NIT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars, if you don't know that there are several people called "Flash" and "Green Lantern", what are you doing reading 52? It's kind of insulting.
<-------------------------------->
"THIS HEADLINE IS A KLUE!""

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 52 of 52.

CULPRIT: Gee, good question. I really don't know who this could have been. It could have been The Writing Team, and/or any of the pencillers (although this particular poem definitely looks like Mike McKone's art), or it could have been Ken Lopez (letterer). I don't think it was Lopez, however, since it does look like part of the art. So I say it was The Writing Team and/or Mike McKone.

NIT-TO-PICK: So, 52 had to end with a nit, even if it's a very small one. On panel 3, where we're shown Earth-2, Huntress (in her very groovy 70s getup) holds up a newspaper, the Gotham Gazette, showing that Earth-2's Kryptonians (Kal-L and Kara Zor-L, otherwise known as Superman and Power Girl) are missing (we all know what happened to them, Kara is in Earth-1, or is that New Earth, and Kal is dead, courtesy of Superboy Prime).

However, the secondary headline says "LUTHOR CLAIMS INNOCENSE"... so, Earth-2 newspaper editors and journalists can't spell?

NIT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"IS THE QUESTION STILL A DUDE?"

TITLE: 52.

ISSUE: Week 52 of 52.

CULPRIT: One of the pencillers, although I'm pretty sure it's not Mike McKone, Pat Olliffe or Darick Robertson, so it's Eddy Barrows, Chris Batista, or Justiniano.

NIT-TO-PICK: Speaking of 52's end, on that last page, is it me or does Montoya/Question (yay, Vic Sage is alive in Earth-4) look ... portly, to say the least? I know she's supposed to be the gruff cop type, and she is a lesbian... but she never struck me as butch... In fact, she actually looks like a man here. Look at Renee in the first weeks of 52:


And look at her on the last page of 52 #52:


I was going to let this slide as just an observation tucked away in the previous nit, but come on, not only does she look like a different person, she looks like a man! I know she's wearing baggy clothes, but her chest is flat, and she looks like she's doubled her body mass! If anything, after training with Richard, she should be leaner.

I am willing to over look the fact that, since she's wearing the mask, her trench coat should be blue, and her hair black, (since the chemicals used to affix the mask to her face react to the specially treated clothes and shampoo/lotion); but she might not be using her special shampoo, or wearing that particular trenchcoat.

I'm also going to be nice and overlook the mask having eyes, as they actually seem to an overly exaggerated depiction of the indentation the mask shows around the eyes. Look at the picture above were she's wearing the blue trenchcoat, that's how you draw The Question's mask if you don't want to show any facial features at all. If you do want to show at least the "topography" of the face underneath the mask, you do it this way:


See the difference?

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. I know interpretations of a character can vary between artists (just look at the first three images of Montoya above, in the first one she's definitely more buxom on the first on from the left); but this is too much. Come on guys, look at the rest of the comic you're working on!!!
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Well, so that's that for 52... it was a hell of a ride; like a TV show, some episodes were better than others, and some were great, and some we didn't need. But overall, it was a great book, with well written plots, and a great artistic layout. The only thing that suffered was the art, since they had to use different artist almost every week just to keep up; but luckily, Keith Giffen's breakdown's kept the whole look and feel of the book artistically cohesive. Speaking of Giffen, having been along for the whole ride, why didn't he commit any more nits.

The Writing Team is responsible (totally or fully) for about 14 nits; while Keith is the culprit of only 4... and two of those are "maybes". Did he bribe me to stay off my radar, then tell me to blame me for a couple of things so nobody would get suspicious? Not exactlty... I wish he had, do you know how great a Blue & Gold or Legion original art would have looked in my place? What happened is that I could verify that many of the nits I credited him for at first were not his fault, but the fault of that issue's penciller or pencillers.

How did I do this? Well, 52thecomic.com is a great site that DC built as if it were the Daily Planet's webpage, and it's just great.... but I'm rambling... what's great about that site, is that under the SPECIALS section, you can see almost all (if not all) the breakdowns Giffen did for 52. And by looking at them, I was able to see whether a particular error had been made by Giffen, and then carried over by the penciller, or if Keith's layouts had it right, and then the penciller screwed up.

As for this special's average Bazzars, it's a measly 4.9; a lot lower than last week's 6.5, and the lowest since column 11's 4.7 Bazzars. I'm not surprised, because about half the nits in this special are from old columns, when I was softer. Every nit from before Week 34 would probably be a couple of points higher, and we'd obviously see a few more 10s around.

When should you expect my next column? Good question... I've got quite a few nits from the books already released in May; but I'd rather write them up and save them to have all May nits in one column at the start of June. If I get the time, I might to a Backlog column with the nits I have filed from February, and that will make us catch up with all of 2007 up to date. And don't, even for one tiny moment, think that that will deplete my mighty vault of nits. I have nits from almost every month of 2006, then a few from 2005, not to mention the whole lot of ancient stuff that I have saved up for a rainy day. And thank God that I let some stuff slip by; like typos in KODT and Sluggy Freelance, or some stuff that would only get me yelled at for considering them nits... or if not, I would have to write a 20+ nit column every day just to cope!

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more nits, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE NITPICKER!