The Dissector #54.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Dammit Cindy! I can't fight foreign invaders in a Steely Dan T-shirt!" Max Keane, The Programme #06.

Weeeeelcoooome to the last column of the year! I hope this was a good year for you all, and if it wasn't, I hope next year's better. Straight into this week's content, last column's Dissect This! was busted by Miss Kitty Fantastico, who correctlyt pointed out that Salakk's name was misspelled as "Salaak". Badge for you, MKF! This is the last week to vote for the Autopsy Awards, by the way, so if you haven't voted, check out the nominees and e-mail your votes here.

The Dissector's Pick Of The Week For Best Book Of The Week was The Order #06, not a particularly outstanding book, but a good read overall, and a better balance to the character origin / moving the story forward format writer Matt Fraction has been giving us until now. The art by Barry Kitson, with inks by Mark Morales and Scott Koblish, and colors by Jelena Kevic Djurdjevic and Soto, is very good, with detailed mecha and monster designs, and believable (if stylized) human figures.

The Worst Book Of The Week was Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Orions, and not because it was a bad book, but rather because it utterly misses its point. It had an entertaining, if completely unoriginal script by Scott and David Tipton, and nice art by Elena Casagrande, colored by Mirco Pierfederici. However, this books fails completely at providing any spotlight on the Orions, showing only one Orion female (and another one in a flashback), and she's not even in about three-quarters of the book! We're supposed to be learning about these alien species, not about Christopher Pike. Well then, on with the dissections!
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"O ERROR MAIS RECURRENTE DO MUNDO!"

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 21.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: The first caption box has the Checkmate symbol obscuring the first part, and you can only guess that it reads "7", although it might be "17". Also, on the roll call, Fire's last name is once more spelled "Dacosta" instead of "da Costa".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"THIS IS THE KIND OF TAN YOU GET OUTSIDE THE OZONE LAYER!"

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Superwoman-Batwoman (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Kanila Tripp (colorist).

DISSECTION: On the cover, and in most of the book, Green Lantern (Kylie Rayner) is colored as if she's human, but on the Justice League's monitors (page five) she's definitely colored purple, as if alien.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"YOU KNOW, GREEN LANTERN COSTUMES ARE LIKE THAT..."

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Superwoman-Batwoman (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Kalman Andrasofzsky (penciller pages 1-13, 15-17).

DISSECTION: Not only is Green Lantern's skin colored differently, her costume is not the same in the monitor as in the rest of the issue. And no, it's not because it's a separate penciller, because Andrasofszky also pencils page ten, and her costume is different there.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"JUST CALL ME AUNTIE GOODNESS."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Jesus Saiz (penciller).

DISSECTION: Granny Goodness is yet again drawn to young and svelte. So, on another note, it's revealed that the island Granny is using as Themiscyra is Themiscyra itself, complete with hiding Hippolyta... but still, all that was said previously doesn't jive well, so my previous dissections on the matter still stand.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"STRESS IS MESSING MY 'DO UP."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 839.

CULPRIT: Ryan Benjamin and/or Don Kramer (pencillers).

DISSECTION: Merlyn is not bald, he has a definite widow's peak, but he's not bald.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"BUTLER, MEDIC, NINJA!"

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 839.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).

DISSECTION: Alfred is not a ninja, he can't help defend kung-fuesque monks from Demon Head cult ninjas!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"HOLY DISSECTIONS BATMAN!"

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 839.

CULPRIT: Ryan Benjamin and/or Don Kramer (pencillers).

DISSECTION: Check out this image below, tell me what's wrong:

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"MORPH... YES, THAT'S HIM..."

TITLE: Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 100.

CULPRIT: Jordan D. White (assistant editor) and/or Mark Paniccia (senior editor).

DISSECTION: Cast of characters at the beginning of the book, absolutely no mention of Morph not being really Morph. Oh, and of course, this is the last issue, because we definitely need a New Exiles title now...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"LOOK INTO THE EYES OF THE GODS!"

TITLE: The Incredible Hulk V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 112.

CULPRIT: Khoi Pham & Stephane Peru (artists).

DISSECTION: Ares' eyes lacks pupils during most of the book, if not all. This dissection was brought to you by Dominik B., he gets another badge.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"MOOSE, BUT NOT BAUMANN."

TITLE: Jughead & Friends Digest (Archie).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Adam Walmsley (colorist).

DISSECTION: Jughead's T-shirt is miscolored on page 2, panel 3. Thanks to Shad for reporting this, badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER:
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"WHITE BOOTS? REALLY?"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Joe Benitez (penciller).

DISSECTION: Guy Gardner's drawn with his old haircut, plus, his boots are colored white.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for the haircut.
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"KYLE WHO?"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Dwayne McDuffie

DISSECTION: Guy Gardner says he's holding the Tangent Green Lantern for Kyle until "he comes back". He's not only back, but he's your partner now.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"QUIVER, ARROW, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Dwayne McDuffie

DISSECTION: The Atom (from Tangent) breaks Red Arrow's bow, yet on page 13 he says "he broke my quiver", and his quiver is obviously intact, while his holding the two halves of his broken bow (shout out to all Star Trek fans!).

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!"

TITLE: Madame Mirage (Top Cow).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).

DISSECTION: So, a technology so sophisticated it can converse with people almost as if it were sentient, and can project solid holograms, among many other things, but it crashes when you use a reference to a movie it hasn't seen?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"AMAZING, IT WASN'T MOOSE!"

TITLE: Metamorpho: Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Lee Loughridge (colorist).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan's gloves are colored green instead of white.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WASSAPENING SIMONES?"

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Will Panzo & Daniel Ketchum (assistant editors) and/or Nick Lowe (editor).

DISSECTION: Simone Bianchi, penciller for cover "B", is billed as "Simones" in the credits page.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"I JUST KICKED THEM SHOES OFF TO DANCE BETTER!"

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Humberto Ramos (penciller).

DISSECTION: Hepzibah was wearing boots last week, now she's barefoot.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"I'M SLOUCHING."

TITLE: She-Hulk V2.

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Shawn Moll (penciller).

DISSECTION: She-Hulk is drawn too short.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WHAT DEPARTMENT DO YOU BELONG TO, AGAIN?"

TITLE: Star Trek: Year Four (IDW Publishing).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Steve Conley (artist).

DISSECTION: I'm tired of no department markings on the badges.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"BOOT, AND REBOOT."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 671.

CULPRIT: Peter Vale (penciller).

DISSECTION: Alright, I can't keep counting everything as dissections, but I hate references to Lana Lang having live parents when she was a teen, or her father being a banker, etc, etc. ARGH!!!!

*Sigh* ... In this case, my problem is that Vale decides to draw Superman's boots with defined soles and heels, when they don't have any.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"TO THE MOON, ALICE, TO THE MOON!"

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 671.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman pitches AND bats a homerun for charity, sending a ball on a slow, one-month ascent to the moon, to hit on a target. He says he didn't send it faster, because he'd "punch a hole right through the moon". Nope, as hard as Superman can hit, he'd probably destroy the baseball AND the bat, and if not, the ball would disintegrate against the moon. No matter how hard you hit a wall with a glass bottle, it's still a glass bottle.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"SOMEBODY SAAAAAVE MEEEE!"

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: Michael Green (writer).

CULPRIT: Alright, I can't complain (as a dissection, I sure as hell can rant, but don't have the energy for it right now) about the fact that they've Smalvillized Superman (there was tons of Kryptonite in Smalville during his teens, there was a freak of the week caused by it, etc.)

But I sure as hell can complain about the fact that there's people selling kryptonite engagement rings, when it gives radiation poisoning. Or are we ignoring ALL of Superman continuity between COIE and INFINITE CRISIS now?!?!?

DISSECTION: 10 Bazzars.

DISSECT-O-METER:
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"I AM NAMOR, AND I'M BACK TO MY OLD TRICKS!"

TITLE: The Order V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: This issue contradicts what's been going on with Namor lately

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"HE'S CHECKING IT TWICE..."

TITLE: Various DC books (DC).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Dan DiDio (senior VP/executive editor).

DISSECTION: The Christmas wish list in the DC Nation section at the end of the books, has several wishes that are just plain wrong. I mean, why would Red Tornado wish for a family to call his own, when he already wants one? Or Superman for a new place to call home?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each. This is just like those stupid Nick Fury files things over at Marvel...
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"iVENGERS."

TITLE: What If? Civil War (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Harvey Tolibao (artist).

DISSECTION: Why would the Avengers use Macs, when they've got Stark tech?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"I REALIZE DUGAN SPEAKS TOUGH, BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS."

TITLE: World War Hulk Aftersmash: Warbound

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak (writer) and/or VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Another one by Dominik B., this time Dum Dum Dugan says, on page 20, "You're" instead of "Your".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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This week's average was 6.5 Bazzars, basically within our usual averages range. Moments Of The Week! First up, the original Masters Of Evil hold a shadow puppet contest:


Either that, or they're practicing their mad rapping skillz. Then, what do you do if you're a quadriplegic former marine surrounded by giant mutant scorpions, and your mecha breaks down? Why, you open it manually, say "Semper Fi" and blast the hell out of them critters with your .45s!


And last, but not least, Dan DiDio's Christmas' list for the DC heroes and villains:


At first I thought he was once more denying the fans of what they've been asking, but then I realized that he's actually fueling the fires of speculation on Spoiler's return. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

PS: Happy New Year!

The Dissector #53.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"HHAAAAHH!! MAKES BALLS REVOLVE LIKE SPINNING DERVISHES...!" Vas, aka "Love Sausage", former Soviet superhero, after taking a drink of his homebrewn booze, which, appropriately, has a skull and crossbones for label.

Well, sort of time this week, and let's dive straight into this. Both Dominik and Miss Kitty Fantastico made the Dissect This! from last column, and it was of course the fact that the Wasp had wings at normal size; when she only has wings while shrunk. Badge for both of them! Rock-Me Amodeo added that 616 Wasp has experimented with retaining her wings as she grows back to full size, getting to keep them at some 54 inches tall, and also, her powers might work differently in the Ultimate universe, being a mutant, she could have also had a progression of her powers or a secondary mutation. That's why it had a relatively low rating.

The Autopsy Awards have plenty of votes now, but I'm still keeping the voting open until the end of the year. The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book is for the oversized Green Lantern V4 #25, part of the final wave of the Sinestro Corps War, along with the also great Green Lantern Corps V2 #19, and the less-fantastic-but-still-good Tales Of The Sinestro Corps: Ion (which were epilogues, actually). I've said time and again, Geoff Johns is the best thing to happen to the Green Lantern mythos since the mid-80s, and he still has more in store for us. The way he choreographs the action, and mixes it with the more personal moments (as you'll see in the Moments Of The Week), coupled with his great understanding of the characters, gives us a very solid and entertaining story.

His partners in crime, Ivan Reis and Ethan Van Sciver handle the pencilling duties, along with the inks of Oclair Albert, Julio Ferreira and Ivan Reis himself, and the colors of Moose Baumann and Rod Reis. The distinct style of both pencillers, and the separate work of the inkers and colorists does not make you feel you're reading one of those end-of-saga issues where one penciller wasn't enough and you can (painfully) see the differences in the artists' styles, no matter how good they're on their own. In fact, only George Pérez, the man himself for macro-scale superhero battles, gets better than this, and I dare say, that for a Green Lantern finale, Van Sciver and Ivan Reis are a better choice George Pérez. In fact, Ethan Van Sciver was born to pencil Green Lantern. As usual, not much to say about the lettering, but Rob Leigh does his usual good job.

Now, the Worst Book of the week, is not an entirely awful comic, but a disappointing second issue of a mini. I'm talking about Salvation Run #02. Bill Willingham's script is flat, there's no character development, and very little plot advancement, save for the end, when Lex Luthor finally shows up to take over. Sean Chen's art is good, but John Kalisz colors are too bright for a book comprised mostly of supervillains, and it just doesn't cut it for me. Not an awful book, but the worst I read this week.
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"I ATOM SMASHED MY HAIR AND EYES INTO ANOTHER COLOR."

TITLE: Black Adam: The Dark Age (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Nathan Eyring (colorist).

DISSECTION: Atom Smasher's hair is colored blonde, when it's red, and his eyes are almost grey, instead of blue (but I'm counting this as one dissection). Last issue he had black hair and black eyes, so Eyring can't even keep his own mistakes straight.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"DO SVIDANIA KOMRADE PRESIDENTSKY!"

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Red Son (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Alan Burnett (writer).

DISSECTION: Bob says about the history of this Earth-30 that "Superman became (...) after Stalin died, the new Soviet President." Problem is, at least in the real world, there was no such position until March, 1990 (and only until December, 1991), created specifically for Mikhail Gorbachev to occupy. Before that, the head of state of the USSR (commonly referred to in the West as "Premier") was the Chairman of the Central Executive Committee of the USSR (1922-1938), Chairman of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet (1938-1989), and Chairman of the Supreme Soviet in (1989-1990).

Yes, this is an alternate Earth, and even the "regular" DC Earth is alternate to our own, but this doesn't stop me from believing that Burnett didn't bother doing some research on the USSR.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"YOU SURE HE'S HERE?"

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Red Son (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Alan Burnett (writer), or actually, Jeanine Schaefer (editor for this book) and Elisabeth V. Gherlein & Mike Carlin (assistant editor and editor for Countdown To Final Crisis).

DISSECTION: So, if in issue #20 of Countdown To Final Crisis Bob said he knew where Ray Palmer is, why are they in Earth-30, and Ray isn't, and why isn't there any mention of that in this issue?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"NAZILANDIA ÜBER ALL IS!"

TITLE: Countdown: Arena (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Keith Champagne (writer).

DISSECTION: Dominik B. reported a total of six dissections (yes Dom, six, I'm counting the Führer/Führerin one) in this book, all incorrect uses or spelling of German words and phrases used by a Nazi version of the Ray. Dominik says "I found another one… actually, quite a number. Lots of stupid Kraut in there. Can it hurt to actually ask one German person to do the Kraut for them? I mean, I’d gladly offer myself if they ask. For free, even."

At one point, to use one as example, wants to curse saying and says "I say verdammt noch Gott", which probably means "I say goddamnit". However, the phrase he uses isn't correct at all, it should be "Gottverdammt". Many of these errors can be explained a way by saying that the Ray is not German at all, but an American who wants to be in the Nazi regime's good side by trying to speak German. Still, some errors are lettering errors, like using "ä" instead of "a".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for this one. Just the one badge for Dom, though.... or not, let's give him two badges, which together with the one he got for the Dissect This! give him a total of 7, making him a Lieutenant in the HDSC. Congratulations!
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"WHAT WAS I SAYING?"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Jared K. Fletcher (letterer)

DISSECTION: On page 10, third panel, second caption box from the bottom, the sentence reads "{Whew}... And I thought I" and there's nothing else, there's a blank line, and the next caption box implies there was more to that sentence. Plus, and not a dissection, why would they use braces "{ }", instead of regular parentheses? There's another lettering and/or writing dissection reported by Brecht, in page 8 they spell "Moinitors". Oh, and no Mary Marvel boot heels either, plus a problem with Una's costume.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for the incomplete sentence.
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"SOMETIMES I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE HERE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 51.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: In the "Welcome to Latveria" moment of the week I wrote "It's like Lee/Kirby villain team up!", when it should have been "It's like a..."

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"THE STRIPPER! AGAIN!"

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer) and/or Ivan Reis (penciller pages 1-7 and 12-47).

DISSECTION: As mentioned before, great ending to the Sinestro Corps War saga, and it's only the beginning. Starfire appears on a battle scene on page 15, with superpowers. No resolution has been given to the Countdown to Adventure storyline, so I'll still assume she has no powers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"NO RING CHARGE? "LET'S JUST JOHN WAYNE OUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE!"

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Again Geoff Johns insists on Green Lanterns not being able to recharge their rings because they don't have their lanterns with them. They can carry the lantern inside the ring. Geoff, just a couple of panels showing them losing the lanterns in mid-battle, or some mumbo-jumbo about too much yellow energy interference would have been enough for the hand-to-hand encounter with Sinestro.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"442 RINGS TO RULE THEM ALL!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: The Green Lantern Corps lost 442 members, and our favorite picklehead is shown forging new rings. Thing is, the rings of the dead lanterns, at least many of them, were shown flying off to their respective sectors to look for replacement corps members. Also, as far as I know, the Guardians themselves forged rings, if things have changed, they should specify that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"GREEN DISSECTION."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer) and/or Phil Balsman (letterer).

DISSECTION: Nice and easy, veeery easy. Look at the panel below, and find it.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"OUT OF COSTUME."

TITLE: Green Arrow / Black Canary (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Cliff Chiang (penciller/inker).

DISSECTION: Again, Speedy and Black Canary's costumes are wrong. Also, Speedy's eyes are colored brown instead of blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars on the costumes (each of them).
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"GREEK GODS CAN BE VENGEFUL."

TITLE: Hybrid Bastards (Archaia Studios Press).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Tom Pinchuk (writer) and/or uncredited letterer.

DISSECTION: Zeus' name is spelled "Zues" on page five. I know you kind of pronounce it like that in English (or rather, like "zoos", although the correct Greek pronunciation would be "Zefs", with a strong "f"), but that doesn't mean you write it like you pronounce it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"ANOTHER STAND-IN!"

TITLE: New Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 37.

CULPRIT: Dave McCaig (colorist).

DISSECTION: Wolverine's eyes are colored brown again. And yes, it turns out that all the back-up the New Avengers had were part of an illusion cast by Dr. Strange; so I retract on all the dissections related to that in column #49, except for the one about Howard the Duck. So, I recalculated the average for that column... and it went up, from 6.0 to 6.3!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"BODY SNATCHER."

TITLE: Nightwing (DC).

ISSUE: 139.

CULPRIT: Carlos Rodríguez (penciller).

DISSECTION: In the last page, R'as al Ghul is depicted in his original body, when he had already "migrated" into one of Nanda Parbat's monks. He doesn't even show any sings of decay. Also, his skin is colored normally, instead of the sickly green it was, and his eyes are colored blue, when they've been usually shown as green lately.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for the pencilling dissection.
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"THAT'S NOT THE METALLO I KNOW... IT'S HIS SURFING COUSIN, BOBBY "DUDE" CORBEN."

TITLE: Salvation Run (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 07.

CULPRIT: Bill Willingham (writer) and Sean Chen (penciller).

DISSECTION: I'm counting this as just one dissection, but since when does Metallo: 1) Have a new human-looking body (yes, this could be a recent development not shown "in camera"), 2) Mantain an "internal log" a la Star Trek, and 3) RIDE A HOVERING SURFBOARD?!??!?!?!?!!?!?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"IT'S THE SENILITY SPEAKING."

TITLE: Spider-Man Family (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Tom Belland (writer for "Endangered").

DISSECTION: Aunt May says that when she sees Peter, she can see his father, and it's like "having her brother in the room". However, as most people know (and a writer working on a Spider-Man story should definitely know), May's not blood-related to Peter, Ben Parker was the brother of Richard Parker, father to Peter.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"OH, THE PAIN!"

TITLE: Ultimate Iron-Man II (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Orson Scott Card (writer).

DISSECTION: One of the characters, a villain, is called "Dolores", claiming that it means "pain". No, it means "pains", "pain" would be "dolor"; plus, Whiplash says that "In America, it's a girly name."; well, in Spanish, it's also a female name.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"RUNNING THE GAUNTLET."

TITLE: X-Factor V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Scot Eaton (penciller).

DISSECTION: Surge's gauntlets don't look like they should; plus, as a separate dissection, her uniform doesn't look like it should.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for the gauntlets.
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"EMPORER OF THE MARVEL MULTIVERSE!"

TITLE: X-Men: Die By The Sword (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Jordan D. White (assistant editor) and/or Mark Paniccia (senior editor).

DISSECTION: On the first page, where a recap and a cast of characters is presented, of the new members of the Exiles is a version of Rogue... but her name's spelled ROUGE.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Absolutely no less, no way.
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"QUILL BILL."

TITLE: X-Men: Die By The Sword (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: On page 23, Blink says she had to use a "full quill of her lances", doesn't she mean "quiver"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars
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The average sure went up this week, to a 6.8 Bazzars. Moments Of The Week, now, most of them are Green Lantern related, due to the great finale of the Sinestro Corps War. But first, a non-GL moment:


So, Captain Marvel kills?! Next up, Hal Jordan asks his family to evacuate Coast City when the Sinestro Corps take the battle to his town, but they refuse to leave, and so do the rest of the population. Not only that, but they show their support for the Corps:


Cool. Then, after the battle, the city gets nicknamed "The City Without Fear", and population starts to grow. You see what I said about those quiet, personal moments Johns knows how to handle? And now, look at a battle moment:


Guardians of the Universe directly attacking an enemy? Now that's something new. Peter Tomasi also knows how to write some nice non-action moments too, and his artists certainly capture it:


Too bad the reunion with Ice (after that kiss) didn't go as smooth as Guy Gardner planned. Now, the last of the GL moments, and it's even more incredible than the Guardians fighting:


It's the Guardians APOLOGIZING!!! Enough Green Lanterns for now (shya!), let's see how Darkseid deals with his underlings. Omega beams? Nope:


PIMPSLAPPING! Last, but not least, when your superhero costume doesn't fit, don't wear it:


That's "Love Sausage", from our Quote Of The Week. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

PS: Oh, right, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

The Dissector #52.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

Atom (Ryan Choi, flying grabbing Wonder Woman's belt): "I... I feel I should let you know I dreamt this once"

Wonder Woman: "... Yes. Thank you for sharing that with me. I appreciate truthfulness in all forms."

Atom (the ( ) means thinking): "(God help me, I can't seem to shut up around her.) I also had this dream once, where you and Power Girl..."

Wonder Woman: "I get that a lot, actually."

Atom: "(Somebody shoot me, please. Stop me before I say something even stupider!) And this one time? There was you and you had this big thing of whipped cream, and..."

Wonder Woman: "I'm just guessing here, but you spend a lot of time on the internet, am I correct?"

Atom: "I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm... I'm not normally like this. (Well, not out loud.)"

The previous dialogue is from All-New Atom #18. Best. Dialogue. Ever. To. Grace. A. Comic. Book. Ok, so maybe I am exaggerating, but it was very funny, and the quote of the week turned again into the dialogue of the week. For All-New Atom. Once more. Issue #18 is also The Dissector's Pick Of The Week for Best Book; for the third or fourth time. Again Gail Simone spins a solid story, with great dialogue and very funny humor, with the solidity coming from the verisimilitude of all it... you believe this is happening, even among all the weirdness that goes on around Ryan Choi.

Mike Norton and Andy Smith as usual (well, for Norton) provide great pencils, giving us a great B-movie atmosphere, as well as rendering Wonder woman as both a gorgeous woman and a warrior. Trevor Scott and Keith Champagne add great inking, all and even if Alex Bleyaert's colors are too bright for my personal taste, they're appropriate for this kind of book. I'm sad that Simone and Norton are leaving the book after two more issues, but it was a good run.

Worst Book of the week? Well, unsurprisingly, Infinity Inc. V2 #4. Milligan, Fiumara, Southworth et al deliver a boring and confusing plot, muddy art, and everything makes less and less sense every issue. I think any hopes I had of this getting better are slowly fading away... Last week's Dissect This was deftly spotted by Miss Kitty Fantastico, and it was the fact that Donna Troy's eyes are colored incorrectly. I quote "are Donna Troy's eyes supposed to be all white? She doesn't have some kind of eye-glowy superpower, does she (like, whenever her eyes light up her origin story gets retconned)?" Yet another Badge for MKF, who is one away from being our first Lt. Commander!

There are still some people who owe their votes for the Autopsy Awards, so I'm still not revealing those. As of this week's column, I'm not writing up all of the dissections; boring or minor ones like a wrong eye color or a misspelled word won't usually get but a mention in the write-up for a more interesting dissection. So, on with the goof-ups!
<-------------------------------->
"SMALL, BUT..."

TITLE: All-New Atom (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).

DISSECTION: The Atom is in a small (action figure) size, yet with enough density to hit and render unconscious an enemy. If he's so dense, how does a child pick him up with no effort?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT'S NOT MONARCH!"

TITLE: Countdown: Arena (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Scott McDaniel (penciller).

DISSECTION: This one was reported by Dominik B., and I can't believe I missed it. Monarch's mask eye-slits are showing normal eyes and skin through them, when they should be silver, as in Captain Atom's.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SEE! IT'S NOT EVEN THE SAME GUY ONE MOMENT TO THE OTHER!"

TITLE: Countdown: Arena (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Guy Major (colorist).

DISSECTION: Major manages to color Monarch's eyes (incorrectly drawn by McDaniel, see above) blue in one panel, and brown two panels down.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"UNA COSTUME, UNA VEZ MAS..."

TITLE: Countdown To Infinite Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 21.

CULPRIT: Jamal Igle (penciller)

DISSECTION: Una's costume is drawn incorrectly, wrong boots, wrong bracelets. There's a couple more dissections not worth mentioning; in fact, I wasn't even going to mention this one, but then I noticed I wasn't mentioning any Countdown To Infinite Crisis dissections.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I RAN SO FAST I LOST THEM..."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Dale Eaglesham (penciller).

DISSECTION: Jay Garrick's boots are missing the little wings. Also, on a separate dissection, Ted Grant's hair is once more colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THEY'LL NEVER DISCOVER US!"

TITLE: Lobster Johnson: The Iron Prometheus (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: Mike Mignola (writer) and Jason Armstrong (artist).

DISSECTION: Nazi spies with a swastika tattooed on the palm on their hands? Yup, very stealthy.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GIANT LIZARDS? RIGHT, AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME THERE'S ALSO UNDERSEA CIVILIZATIONS!"

TITLE: The Order V2 (I was previously unaware of an existing book named The Order, from 2002) (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: A car is totally wrecked in a highway, and the driver said it was done by a giant lizard man, and superheroes (one wearing a mecha armor, and another carrying a pseudomagical hammer) don't believe her at all. In the Marvel Universe. Right.

Also, this week's "Nick Fury's Files" are about the Fantastic Four, and contain the usual crap.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MURDER SHE WROTE, BUT YOU DIDN'T READ IT."

TITLE: The Trials Of Shazam (DC).

ISSUE: 10 of 12.

CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).

DISSECTION: Freddy Freeman and his guide call on Zatanna to help them find clues on a crime scene, and only after her magic reveals nothing, they see a large-ass message he wrote in his own blood...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ULTIMATE DISSECTION!"

TITLE: The Ultimates V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Joe Madureira (artist).

DISSECTION: Dissect me this, dissect me the following image (no, it's not Cap's tiny head).


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DRESSED FOR BATTLE."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 493.

CULPRIT: Billy Tan (penciller).

DISSECTION: So, the Sentinels attack while Warpath and Hepzibah (the X-Men needed another furry besides Beast? I guess is for those who like furry-chicks) are in bed; Warpath jumps right at the mechas in his PJ pants, knives ready (I guess he sleeps with them under the pillow, or Hepbzibah likes it rough). Hepzibah growls while she clutches the covers close to her chest, seeming to be naked at least from the waist up.

Then, after two pages, and what seems to be only five to ten seconds later, she's jumping through the air (shooting a regular shotgun, instead of some fancy space gun), completely clothed, wearing her top, pants and boots, and even her headband (ok, the headband I understand, you wouldn't want your hair in your face while you fight).

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO THE HELL GAVE ME SHORTS?"

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 493.

CULPRIT: Billy Tan (penciller).

DISSECTION: I shouldn't even be writing up this one, under the new "policy", but what the hell. Rockslide is wearing a shirt, when his costume is shirtless; plus he's wearing short pants and no boots (don't remember if he actually wore boots, but he sure as hell wore pants, not cycling shorts).

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HULK SMASH! HULK REBUILD!"

TITLE: World War Hulk: Aftersmash.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Rafa Sandoval (penciller).

DISSECTION: Iron Man sends Damage Control to use the old Avengers Mansion as headquarters, as the sub-levels survived the destruction of the mansion in Disassembled. Problem is, they show the mansion standing, with just a few cracks and broken walls.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IRON MAN KILLED HIM, AND NOW HE WANTS TO MAKE IT UP BY GIVING HIM UNDUE CREDIT?"

TITLE: World War Hulk: Aftersmash.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak (writer).

DISSECTION: Tom Foster, nephew of the late Goliath, gets a hold of equipment in the Avengers Mansion and cracks the growth formula his uncle used. Tony Stark (while he's getting his ass kicked by Foster) says "So you cracked your uncle's growth formula.", but that was Hank Pym's formula Bill Foster used, not his own.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Even counting the dissections I didn't go into detail, we only had 17 in total for this week (comics released on 12-05); but they fetched a passable average score of 6.3 Bazzars. You want to know which were the Moments Of The Week? The first one comes from the Best Book of the week, All-New Atom #18, when Wonder Woman presents Atom with a gift (that she'd kept inside her cleavage, so even if it was a paper clip, it's valuable):


Hell yeah, the JLA needs an Atom! Next up, Batmen from alternate universes size each other up:


Yup, there's something to be said for high-collared Batmen. Next, one of those moments that make me cringe:


Yes, that is baby Kal-El in Krypton, DC is completely crapping themselves on the definitive Superman origin (Man Of Steel, by John Byrne, in case you're wondering), and dresses Lara as a Beatles groupie and Jor-El in a House of El body glove. Ech.... And last, but not least, it's sexual innuendo from Apokolips!


"This will teach you to mess with Granny. YOU WILL LOVE GRANNY!!! TAKE GRANNY'S LOVE UP THE ARSE!!!" *cough* Sorry, channeling Apokolips tough love... That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #51.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Rex, is that beryllium in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" Grace Choi, Batman And The Outsiders V2.

Kind of late again, but are you gonna do? Oh, you're going to complain? Ah, well, then next time I'll try to have the column on time. No autopsy awards results, because I want more votes, there's a few ties. If I don't get votes enough to break the ties, I'll make my votes count double. What's happening several of my readers haven't voted, and some haven't even commented at all in the past weeks... Have I let you down, o faithful readers? Please head over to the nominees, then vote by sending an e-mail to lordmagnusen at gmail.com.

Last week's Dissect This was aptly spotted by Roy, of whom I expected no less, since this was a Teen Titans-related thing. Robin's gloves were lacking the scalloped blades they now have, like Batman's. Badge for Roy, who's one condecoration away from becoming a Lieuetnant in the HDSC!

Short write-ups for The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. The best book was Sub-Mariner V2 issue 6 of 6, a mini that could have been four issues, not six (a common situation these days), but that had a great resolution, and a real change of the status quo for one of the major player nations in the Marvel Universe. Good plot and better characterization of Namor by writers Matt Cherniss and Peter Johnson, and good art by Phiol Briones, Scott Hanna and Paul Mounts; and a bone-chilling ending (see the Moments Of The Week).

Worst book of the week? Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose #47. Miss Kitty Fantastico, Lieutenant of the HDSC, recommended this book on his site Heroine Addict!, and I thought I'd give it a try. I read issues 45 through 47, and while the art was great, and it wasn't as one might expect, a fan service book; I found that it sounds too pretentious and high-horsed on the topic of Wicca and feminism, and yadda yadda yadda. There's a good review of the latest issue in MKF's site right now, explaining that his wasn't an issue, or an arc, really, for a new reader to hop on. This particular issue, however, was the worst of the arc, which ends up being a boring catalogue of stylized (or Jim Balentized, as it is) Tarot fans, real witches who get their fangirl spotlight in the issue, with heavy and repetitive prose by Balent. What the hell, I might still give #48 a try, but for now, dissections:
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN."

TITLE: Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 671.

CULPRIT: Guy Major (colorist).

DISSECTION: R'as' skin is green, when it wasn't so in Detective Comics #838.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars, it could be a sign of his decay.
<-------------------------------->
"KATANA, TAKE TWO."

TITLE: Batman And The Outsiders V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Doug Braithwaite (cover artist).

DISSECTION: Katana's costume in the cover includes that "waist-cape" she used to wear, but doesn't wear inside the book, plus other design elements don't match, including the exact color scheme. On another note, I was also going to complain about Metamorpho not knowing that Batman is Bruce Wayne, but then I figured he was hiding that fact from Grace.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTING IN EARTH-8."

TITLE: Countdown Presents: Lord Havok And The Extremists (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 06.

CULPRIT: Liam Sharp (penciller).

DISSECTION: An easy one... I think.


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S THE BOWTIE, IT'S MAAAAGIC."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Claudio Castellini (cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Jimmy Olsen's clothes on the cover don't match what he wears inside.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE FOOL ON THE HEEL."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Carlos Magno (penciller).

DISSECTION: Mary Marvel's heels are not correct (at least she has some). Still, you have got to love Carlos Magno for shots like this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BRIGHT MIRACLE."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Tom Chu (colorist).

DISSECTION: Mr. Miracle's costume colors are, incorrectly, his usual ones.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S THE TEARS."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Carlos Magno (penciller) and Tom Chu (colorist).

DISSECTION: Pied Piper has glowing green eyes instead of his sunglasses, although not as blatant as in issue #32.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OHNOES, ACID!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).

DISSECTION: Pied Piper and Trickster attack Deadshot by throwing battery acid to his face. Now, Deadshot wears a mask that's probably made of Kevlar or something similar, and it includes a telescopic sight lens, which is probably not made of soft plastic. Battery acid is 33.5% concentrated sulfuric acid, which I doubt could eat through the mask so fast (or at all).

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DAMN JIBAROS!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Freddie E. Williams II (backup origin story penciller/inker).

DISSECTION: Bronze Tiger's head on page 23 looks too small for his body.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DUDE, YOU CAN'T SHOOT WORTH A DAMN, SOMEBODY ELSE IS MAKING THOSE SHOTS FOR YOU!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Freddie E. Williams II (backup origin story penciller/inker).

DISSECTION: Deadshot shoots at some targets with the pictures of Piper and Trickster, but the wholes show when he retrieves the pictures don't match the ones on the previous panel. Plus, Deadshot doesn't shoot them through the center, he barely even hits the heads in the photos.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLASTERS, LIKE IN STAR WARS?"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Scott Beatty (backup origin story writer).

DISSECTION: The Powers And Weapons section says that Deadshot uses "wrist-blasters", when he uses bullets almost exclusively.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HOT LIST LAST WEEKS."

TITLE: Various DC titles (DC).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Unknown.

DISSECTION: The "HOT LIST THIS WEEK" shows various titles that were released the week before, such as Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Red Rain.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TO ME, MY ALLEYS."

TITLE: Crime Bible: The Five Lessons Of Blood (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer).

DISSECTION: The introductory "facsimile" of a page of the "real" Crime Bible has a line that reads "(...) as the bitches in heat in the allies (...)"; at first I thought "allies" might be an old spelling of "alleys", or some other word altogether, but I couldn’t' find any definition of that word that wasn't the current and common one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M ON ATKINS."

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (penciller).

DISSECTION: On page seven, Granny Goodness is too skinny.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ME NEW GOD!"

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (writer).

DISSECTION: Since when does Kalibak speak in the third person?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE TRUE FACE OF A GOD."

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman sees Orion's true face (which isn't as hideous as it should be), and is surprised. I'm pretty sure he'd seen it before.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FRIJOLERO NEW GOD."

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (writer).

DISSECTION: The book mentions Himon as of not of New Genesis, but he is from there, even if he used to live in Apokolips, disguised as a Hunger Dog.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DESAAD, BRING ME A BOTTLE OF CHARDONAIS."

TITLE: Death Of The New Gods (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 08.

CULPRIT: Jim Starlin (penciller).

DISSECTION: So, Darkseid drinks booze from an earthly-looking bottle with a cork and a label?

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"TOUCHÉ!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 50.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: On the dissection about Metamorpho's French, I mistyped the word "rencontrer" as "recontrer". Thanks to Dominik B. for this heads up, badge for you.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"UH, I DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION IN MY HISTORY LESSONS BACK AT OA!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer). Why do they need to credit him as "story and words", if he's the only writer of the issue?

DISSECTION: Sodam Yat is surprised that his Daxamite body gains superpowers under a yellow sun. First of all, didn't he feel back in Mogo orbit? And also, even if such knowledge is suppressed on Daxam, why would the Guardians or Kilowog not tell him about it while he trained as a Lantern. Didn't he go on any kind of field trip to a yellow star system? Same goes for him not knowing about his lead vulnerability.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S THE GREEN LATNERN CORPS!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer) and/or Steve Wands (letterer).

DISSECTION: On page seven, the word "shields" is misspelled as "shileds".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"BOING!"

TITLE: JLA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 47.

CULPRIT: Mike W. Barr (writer).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan fires a ring blast at a yellow shield (back in the day), and the ray bounces of the yellow metal, striking the ceiling. That's wrong, the ray would have just struck the shield with no effect at all.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TOO SLOW!"

TITLE: JLA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 47.

CULPRIT: Mike W. Barr (writer).

DISSECTION: Are we really meant to believe that three founding Justice Leaguers couldn’t' kneel on command to maintain their cover as Qwardian weaponeers? Because it's not like they're discovered for not reacting as fast as the real Qwardians, or for not following a secret signal or something like that. No, no. The Qwardian big cheese just yells "KNEEL!" and Green Arrow, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern just stand there, surprised.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S ALWAYS BEEN A DUMB MONSTER, NO MATTER WHAT THAT MELTZER GUY SAYS."

TITLE: JSA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 32.

CULPRIT: Junior Thomas (writer).

DISSECTION: Alan Scott mentions that Solomon Grundy is not "smart enough" to pull off a certain attack by himself. Guess he didn't read (or rather, Thomas didn't read) the first arc of the current JLA book.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ASTRONAUTS, FULL DISCLOSURE."

TITLE: Moon Knight V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual 01.

CULPRIT: Duan Swierczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: As far as I can tell, you just can't get onto NASA's website and get a list of their astronauts, much less those in training.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH NO, A SECRET SUPERVILLAIN WEAPON HAS RENDERED ME UNCONSCIOUS!"

TITLE: Moon Knight V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual 01.

CULPRIT: Duan Swierczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: Is Moon Knight's cowl thin enough for a simple taser (carried by a civilian woman in her purse) to affect him? I don't he still does, but he used to wear an adamantium armor, but I bet he still wears some manner of protection.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!"

TITLE: Sub-Mariner V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Phil Briones (penciller).

DISSECTION: Yes, this is an old issue, not the latest one, but I had misfiled these dissections. Namor wears boots on the cover, but is barefoot inside the book.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO CARES IF THEY DIE? YOU LIED TO US, NAMOR!"

TITLE: Sub-Mariner V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Matt Cherniss & Peter Johnson (writers).

DISSECTION: Professor X flat out refuses to help Namor stop the slaughter of innocent civilians. Mischaracterization, anyone?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WE NEED TO RECALIBRATE THE TIMESCOPE!"

TITLE: (Supergirl And) The Legion Of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Nathan Eyring (colorist).

DISSECTION: When Supergirl looks through the time portal back at World War III, she sees Mary Marvel, Captain Marvel (Shazam, by then, really), and Captain Marvel Jr. fighting Black Adam. Mary Marvel's costume is colored like her old red one, instead of the white one she's wore since 1994, and up to losing her powers before Countdown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YEAH, DEFINITELY RECALIBRATE."

TITLE: (Supergirl And) The Legion Of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Nathan Eyring (colorist).

DISSECTION: Same as before, only it's CM3's hair that's colored brown instead of black.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YEAH, WE'LL GET THAT DEAD OLD COOTH TO CONTACT YOU."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: Annual 13.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).

DISSECTION: The two New Genesis kids tell Superman that they'll ask "Highfather" to contact him, but Highfather is dead, and even if he technically held the same position, nobody called Takion "Highfather".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"KARA ZOR-EL, NOT THE BRIGHTEST LASER BULB..."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: Annual 13.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).

DISSECTION: In the backup story, Supergirl carves a rock into a model of Krypton for Chris Kent to learn about the planet, and she tells him to use his "telescopic" vision to look at the detail, but that would be his microscopic vision.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TAROT, MISTRESS OF THE MEESTEEKL ARTS!"

TITLE: Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose (BroadSword Comics).

ISSUE: 47.

CULPRIT: Jim Balent (writer) and/or Holly Golightly (letterer).

DISSECTION: In page 20, panel one, a witch fights evil with "magick" (you see what I meant about pretentiousness?) and "marshal" art moves. "Marshal"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, ZE IRONY!"

TITLE: The Phantom V7 (Moonstone).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Mike Bullock (writer).

DISSECTION: The 13th Phantom fights former Musketeers, who talk to him in stereotypical French-accented English, with phrases such as "zee king" and "such as zees"... but continue to do so when they talk to each other in private, and their speech should be written in plain English, and perhaps between < > to symbolize translation from French. Also, another Frenchman (some kind of seneschal for the king), speaks perfect English, when talking to the Musketeers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Because I say so.
<-------------------------------->
"NEW X-MEN, NEW COSTUMES."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Edgard Delgado (variant cover colorist).

DISSECTION: Pixie and X-23 appear on J. Scott Campbell's cover, but their costumes are colored incorrectly, with blue where they ought to be black.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AND NOW, MY TEAM CONSISTING OF TOAD AND BLOB WILL... HEY, STOP LAUGHING!"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: Mr. Sinister says that any of his Marauders could kill the whole X-Men team (made up from Angel, Wolverine, Storm, Colossus and Nightcrawler) single-handedly... yet his Marauders are: Arclight, Exodus (ok, maybe he can), Gambit, Harpoon, Lady Mastermind, Gambit, Malice (controlling Omega Sentinel, maybe a chance), Mystique, Prism, Random, Riptide, Scalphunter, Sunfire, Tempo and Vertigo.

All of them together? They have a chance of defeating such a small X-Men team, and they actually do. Maybe Exodus and the Omega Sentinel can defeat them on their own... but Mystique? Prism? Random? Har-fucking-poon? Please...

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Sinister should change his name to Mr. Hyperbole.
<-------------------------------->
"CYCLOPS TOLD ME TO COVER UP."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: And it's New X-Men costume goof ups time again! These come from several pages they appear on in this book; the first is that Surge is wearing a full shirt, when in New X-Men she wore a bodice that didn't cover her upper chest.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I DIDN'T WANT TO HOLD BACK."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Surge's gauntlets look like the ones everyone else wears, not her clunky power-controlling gauntlets.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT GOT COLD, AND MY NIPPLES GOT DIAMOND-HARD."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Rockslide wears a shirt, when he was shown not wearing one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO CARES WHAT HIS NAME IS?"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer) and/or Cory Petit (letterer). Cory, did you break away with VC?

DISSECTION: Let's give Bachalo a break, shall we? Julian Keller, aka Hellion, gets called Julien on page nine.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YEAH, WHO CARES ABOUT THE X-KIDS COSTUMES."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Talon (or X-23) is missing her costume sleeves (or whatever you call them, they should reach from inside her gauntlets up to her elbow. Come on Marvel, is it so fricking hard, when you have a crossover, to compile character designs for each book and send it to the people working on the other books, or the cover artists? No, it's not, dammit.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE HER?"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Pixie's freckles are missing. She also looks nothing like she should, with different facial; features and hairstyle.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"... DID YOU DYE YOUR HAIR?"

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 205.

CULPRIT: Brian Reber (colorist).

DISSECTION: And we're done with Bachalo, this time, Pixie's hair is miscolored inside the book, as a dull purple, or black with purple highlights. It's really black with very bright purple highlights, more like lilac highlights.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
The average this week was a lowly 5.4, not too many big things really. I was thinking today, let me know what you think about it, that I could just write up the fun dissections, and then just count in minor nits like wrong eye colors, typos, etc, towards the total and average of the column. It would definitely save me some time, but wouldn't affect the "fun quotient" of the column. I'll give it a thought. Moments Of The Week! First up, Tattoo Rose really "fucks up" an enemy:


A new meaning to "lay down" your weapons! Then, to show that the Moments Of The Week are also comprised of sad stuff, here's Nazi Batman from Earth-whocares:


The artist could have designed some cool, WWIIesque Bats with leather cowl and SS costume, with a Thule Society inspired gothic bat emblem... but he just slapped a red swastika on a regular Batman costume. Way to go! Now, two moments from the last issue of the Sub-Mariner mini I praised before. On the first one, Namor sacrifices his traitorous son as a lesson to all that would threaten Atlantis. I just love how the whelp goes from defiant to instant "daddy's boy" in a matter of seconds.


Next up, the conclusion to the series; Namor evacuates Atlantis and orders all of its citizens to blend in with the surface world's population. However, he takes all of his army to one place, to wait for the day they're needed. What place? See for yourself:


Hot dayamn! It's like Lee/Kirby villain team up! I predict a World War III in Marvel some time soon, maybe from the ashes of the Skrull invasion. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #50.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"A bazillion bucks in C.G.I. and he still looks like Shrek." Anonymous moviegoer about a Hulk movie, She-Hulk V2 #23. I knew I wasn't alone.

Yes, I'm late, I know it. Let's get this show started, then. That quote up there is exactly what I think about the Hulk movie by Ang Lee... thank Stan another one is coming. Welcome to the 50th column! Last week we had a creator sighting, as Scott Wegener, talented artist for Atomic Robo admits to certain Mignola similarities, all in good humor, in the comments section of the last column (in the blog).

Plus, and probably Scott's doing, Red 5 Comics published a listing of good reviews for their books, and they loved that I picked it as best book of the week, even linking back to us. Thank you, even if it highlighted an error on my part (see below)!

Speaking of The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, this week's (11/21) best book was Action Comics #859, which despite several misgivings on my part gave us a good Legion Of Superheroes story. What misgivings? Well, at first I was scared of what Geoff Johns could do to the LSH, after what he did with that Bizarro story; he could have turned this into another Silver Age rehash.

I was surprised to see that he didn't do that, he actually took Silver Age elements and spun them into a great story. Gary Frank's costume designs, as well as his buildings and other non-living elements are excellent, greatly enhanced by Joe Sibal's inks and Dave McCaig's colors, with adequate lettering by Rob Leigh. My only problem with Frank's art is that, as someone said, he makes everyone look like raving lunatics, with teeth-showing forced grins and grimaces, and wide open eyes. But a good comic, and I'm looking forward to the next installment... you know how I loves me some Legion.

The worst book of the week, on the other hand, was one of the books I was looking forward to the most. Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Gotham By Gaslight, as much as I love Victorian settings (and as much as I loved the original Gotham By Gaslight book, also written by Brian Augustyn), I find that Augustyn's plot is flat, and contains what is one of the most stupid plot points in recent years (see the Moments Of The Week at the end of this column).

Greg Tocchini's art (with inks by Jesse Delperdang, Derek Fridoffs and Paul Neary, and colors by Rod Reis) is passable, but nothing to write home about. I did enjoy seeing Victorian Blue Beetle, though. Is it me, or do these Search For Ray Palmer books are getting more and more pointless with every installment.

Now as to last week's Dissect This!, Batman says that berkelium and californium have no useful applications, and while the former has no known uses outside of basic research and plays no biological role; californium has several uses (although not the point of, say, uranium). Among its uses, it can be employed in neutron startup source for some nuclear reactors, treatment of certain cervical and brain cancers where other radiation therapy is ineffective, and airport detectors of explosives.

Yes, the urban legend about pocket nukes using Cf isn't true, but you can't say it has no uses. What else can I say? Let's get on with the nits!
<-------------------------------->
"ACSHUN COMICS."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 859.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: On page one Lightning Lad says "make due" instead of "make do"; yes, it's between quotation marks in the comic too, so it could be a
pun...

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S NOT REALLY HIM."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 859.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman's powers are defined as "flight, super strength, super sensory powers." No invulnerability, heat vision, super speed, etc?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH, THOSE AREN'T THANAGARIAN?"

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 859.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Dawnstar is defined by Earth-Man as human, when she's an alien. He'd know better, I mean, he considers the Legion founders (who look completely human) aliens, and Dawnstar has wings.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DID WE CAPTURE THE REAL ULTRA BOY?"

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 859.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: No mention is made, on page 20, of Ultra Boy's Penetra Vision or Flash Vision.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ULTRA THIS, ULTRA THAT."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 859.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Ultra Boy did not have "Ultra Vision", he had "Penetra Vision" and "Flash Vision".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DIDN'T I HAVE SOME EXTRA POWERS?"

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 859.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Invisible Kid's powers, on that same page, don't mention his ability to teleport.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FIGURE IT OUT ON YOURSELF, IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUR WEBSITE."

TITLE: Army@Love (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Most likely Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: The website for the recaps is given as "army@love.com", when the correct one is "armyatlove.com", and of course, you can't have a "@" in a website url.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars, I don't know if it's been done in previous issues, and I'm too lazy to check.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S TIME TO BE RIGHT."

TITLE: Army@Love (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Rick Veitch (writer/penciller) and/or Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: Switzer uses military time to say she's got to be up at 5 in the morning, but the balloon says "0:500", when the correct written notation is "05:00"; if she's speaking it, as she is, it should read "oh five hundred".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHO ARE YOU, IN THE MR. MIRACLE UNIFORM? AND IS THAT A DEAD STRIPPER?"

TITLE: Birds Of Prey (DC).

ISSUE: 112.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).

DISSECTION: A memorial is held for Big Barda, with both the presence of her body, and Mr. Miracle's attendance. It's been show in Death Of The New Gods that immediately after the other heroes helped him process the crime scene, Miracle and Superman took her body to New Genesis where a funeral was held, and her body was even "cremated".

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I LEFT IN MY JEWELRY BOX."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey (DC).

ISSUE: 112.

CULPRIT: David Cole (penciller).

DISSECTION: Vixen is not wearing her Tantu Totem.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"A-HA, SO YOU'RE NOT MR. MIRACLE! ARE YOU A MALE STRIPPER?"

TITLE: Birds Of Prey (DC).

ISSUE: 112.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Mr. Miracle's costume is colored in his traditional red, yellow and green, instead of the darker tones he's adopted after Barda's Death. At least Barda's gloves are yellow.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WELCOME TO EDWARDS AIR BASE, WHERE THE FLOORS ARE CUSHY."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey (DC).

ISSUE: 112.

CULPRIT: David Cole (penciller).

DISSECTION: On page 21, Zinda Blake lands a helicopter in what's supposed to be an abrupt way... and the floor seems to react as if it is a mattress or canvas.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M DOING THAT EARTH-SOMETHING EYE SWITCHEROO, LIKE DAD USED TO."

TITLE: Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Tom Smith (colorist).

DISSECTION: Jai West's eyes are colored green, when they're actually dark (black or brown) in Flash's own book.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"... AND WITH THE HAIR TOO."

TITLE: Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Tom Smith (colorist).

DISSECTION: Jai's hair is distinctly colored brown instead of black.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PARDON MY FRENCH."

TITLE: Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: Metamorpho greets Flash's wife in French, but the word "recountrer" should be spelled "recontrer". Plus, the construction of the phrase is weird, but I won't count that since Rex is not a native speaker of the language.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"USELESS INFORMATION."

TITLE: Various Marvel titles published the week of 11/21 (Marvel).

ISSUE: N/A

CULPRIT: Unknown.

DISSECTION: This time it's the Avengers' turn to be featured in "Fury's Files", and again there's information that, contrary to what it says in the intro, could not be used as leverage either because of its irrelevancy (such as Hawkeye throwing barbeques to celebrate victories) or out of character (Firestar having been originally created for "Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends").

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, double (counts as two dissections).
<-------------------------------->
"BRUCE, DUDE, WE GOTTA STOP CHASING THE DRAGON."

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Gotham By Gaslight (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Steve Wands (letterer).

DISSECTION: On page 9, a speech balloon for Bruce Wayne is actually coming from Dan Garrett.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"A GIANT WEREBAT? NO CLUE."

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Gotham By Gaslight (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Brian Augustyn (writer).

DISSECTION: Apart from what I think of this story, when pursuing a giant werebat, any hero from the DC Universe would know about Man-Bat. Plus, Jason Todd would at least know about Kirk Langström, and suspect that, if Bruce Wayne is Batman in this Earth, then the same can apply for Man-Bat (even if eventually the actual identity of the monster is much lamer).

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THISH EARTH HASH THE BESHT BOOZSHE!"

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Gotham By Gaslight (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Brian Augustyn (writer).

DISSECTION: Kyle Rayner mentions on page 23 that he might see this Earth's Blue Beetle again "right after the next 131 worlds."; to which "Bob" answers "There are only fifty-two worlds, Jason (...)" Jason? Uhm, Bob, so you weren't actually "recording data" and "learning" while you were apart from the rest, were you? You were drinking absinth!

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer) and/or Keith Giffen (story consultant).

DISSECTION: Superman Prime claims to be the only superhero (no dash, yes) of his world, but Ultraa was also from Earth Prime, originally.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar, this could just TWP's pride speaking, or just his ignorance.
<-------------------------------->
"WE'RE NOT REAL DOMINATORS..."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: Tom Derenick (penciller).

DISSECTION: The Dominators on page 17 have forehead disks that are a bit too large for simple military officers (a Captain and a lower-ranked officer), plus the Captain has a smaller disk than his subordinate does.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH NO, HE STOLE MY MOJO!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 23.

CULPRIT: Scott Beatty (writer for backup origin tale).

DISSECTION: In the backup origin story for Mr. Myxyzptlk, Mxy himself says that his dimension's science is "so sophisticated it looks like sorcery" to us people of the third dimension. This seemingly settles a long debate in the comics fan community as to whether his powers came from magic or technology. At one point in the origin story, he refers to his abilities at "magical mojo", but that's just him being euphemistic.

However, the "Powers And Weapons" section at the end of the backup feature says he has "magical powers" and creates "magical mischief", with no reference to the fact his powers are actually technological in nature.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, he could be lying.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTIVE COMICS."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 838.

CULPRIT: Ryan Benjamin (penciller).

DISSECTION: Tell me what you see wrong in this panel (besides the not so nice art).

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ALFRED, BUTLER OF THE BAT."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 838.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).

DISSECTION: Alright, so Alfred is not only capable of inhuman computer building feats (Batman Confidential), sneaking up on Damian as a ninja, but he's also capable of besting Ubu (or whatever his name/title is), a professional killer trained by the League of Assasins? Please...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ATOMIC DISSECTION."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 49.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Soooooo, as mentioned, Red 5 Comics referenced my picking of Atomic Robo #2 as book of the week last column... but when I read what they quoted from my column, I noticed that I had made a mistake. The sentence "(...) but also touching moments that show that in a very effective way make you care (...)" doesn't make sense; that "that show" shouldn't be there. Embarrassing, but I had started writing a different thing and changed my mind, but didn't backspace enough.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AGENT, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO EXAMINE THAT WOUND... VERY CLOSELY."

TITLE: The Invincible Iron Man (Director Of S.H.I.E.L.D.) V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Harvey Tolibao (penciller/inker).

DISSECTION: An interesting tale by Christos Gage, as expected from such a writer, and nice (if lacking in life) art by Tolibao. It's Tolibao, incidentally, who doesn't seem to have read Gage's script. One of Tony's S.H.I.E.L.D. agents is wounded by Bloodscream, and he leaves a hand-shaped mark on her sternum (and part of her boobs).

She's told that until she gets plastic surgery, she'll have to stop wearing low-cut gowns, and she answers "Good. I don't have the rack for 'em anyway". Problem is, she IS wearing a dress with a revealing cleavage, and appears to be at least large C-cup or small D-cup (I might be getting the measures wrong, just check out the pic below).

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, Tolibao should read the script instead of drawing generic bimbos.
<-------------------------------->
"COSTUMER!"

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: David Finch ("A" cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Finch makes several mistakes in this cover. The first is that the costumes of the New X-Men squad don't match the ones they wear inside the book (which we'll call the definitive version, since this is their book and Ramos is their official penciller now). As said, Ramos' version of the uniform is the one I'll guide myself by, and even if they're different to what we saw last issue of this book, they could have personalized them, so Scot Eaton's error in X-Factor #25 still stands.

Differences include the shape of the gauntlets and boots (not the size, as Ramos' manga-influenced style makes those things ginormous), and what skin individual costumes cover, not to mention the actual pattern of the black/yellow colors (Ramos' version has Surge's costume with a huge yellow "X" all over across the bodice, while Finch only gives her a central yellow band, a la old New Mutant costumes).

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WEREN'T YOU WORKING OUT?"

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: David Finch ("A" cover penciller).

DISSECTION: More on Finch's cover, he draws Anole with a regular-sized right arm, when it's now about twice as big (or, if you believe Ramos, as big as his torso).

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CHICKS LIKE IT WHEN I PRETEND TO BE BEN GRIMM III."

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: David Finch ("A" cover penciller).

DISSECTION: We keep on going; Finch draws Rockslide in his first body, the "grey Thing" look, when he's gone through a few different shapes, now a different look than his original one (a more rock golem kind of thing).

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'VE BEEN PRACTICING CONTROL..."

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: David Finch ("A" cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Three down, two more to go; Surge, as anyone who's read the character knows, wears very clunky gauntlets to control her power; yet on the cover, she wears gauntlets that look basically the same as what the rest of the team wears.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M WEARING EXTENSIONS."

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: David Finch ("A" cover penciller).

DISSECTION: Last one, Hellion's hair is slightly longer, and in completely different style than inside the book. Speaking of this issue, Armor appears in it, and her hair hasn't been dyed purple. So that was indeed Djurdjevic's mistake.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IF YOU CAN BE A SUPERHERO..."

TITLE: The Flash V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 234.

CULPRIT: Mark Waid & John Rogers (writers).

DISSECTION: In the backup story, Iris says that she's a combat photographer. I had never heard of her being that, as far as I remember, she was a reporter... and all accounts I could find in the intarwebz only confirm that, no mention of her being a photographer, much less a combat one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WE ARE FAMILY!"

TITLE: X-Men: Emperor Vulcan (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Christopher Yost (writer). I wonder why he's credited as "Chris" in New X-Men and "Christopher" here. Is this because this is a grown-up book, with adult X-Men?

DISSECTION: Havok says to Marvel Girl that she is his family "now". NOW? JUST NOW, YOU UNCARING PRICK?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"A MATTER OF GRAVITY."

TITLE: X-Men: Emperor Vulcan (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Christopher Yost (writer).

DISSECTION: The Scy'ar Tal, an alien race from which the Shi'ar stole the M'Kraan crystal (in fact, their name used to be M'Kran) have a weapon with which they drop "baby stars" through Shi'ar stargates, and used it to destroy the planet Feather's Edge by dropping one into their orbit. Ooook.... using stars as ammo... I'll let that one pass... But in this issue the X-Men, Starjammers, and Shi'ar find the Scy'ar Tal's "ammo depot", and it's a "solar nursery", with "dosenz of stars (...) all in one place"; and starships and space stations can just cruise around, without being pulled into a star or torn apart. Right-y-o.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, I don't care what your technology level is, these are STARS, and I'm pretty sure I've seen the Starjammer's ship being stopped by a tractor beam, so there's no way they could navigate through a maze of stars!
<-------------------------------->
Well, that's it for now. We had a very modest 5.7 Bazzars average, and it's time for the Moments Of The Week. The first one comes from the best book of the week (according to me), and it's a very inspirational scene, as it's usual with a team like the Legion:

You see what I mean about Gary Frank making people look like maniacs? Colossal Boy here is supposed be inspired, hopeful, but Frank makes him look like he's planning on killing old ladies!

Angel: After The Fall was a good start for the continuation of the show, and better quality than IDW's Star Trek books. Also, it had a moment that made me go whoa:

Gunn is a vampire! And now, the lamest moment in recent comic book history:

You mean to say that a piece of technology (because that is what a Green Lantern ring is) was infected by vampirism, because one of them bloodsuckers bit an energy shield projected by the ring? Please... even if Kyle does retain some of Starheart energy Jade gave him (which is mystical), and unconsciously manifests it, I don't believe that a vampire could infect it by biting a shield.

Well, I just noticed, not a single HDSC badge this week! Also, I've extended the voting period for the Autopsy Awards until next column. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!