Creator sighting!
David Gallaher, writer for Hulk: Winter Guard, dropped by the comments section of column #143 and said "Fake Russian in Winter Guard? Hardly. All of the Russian phrases, spellings, and translations are correct. Would you like a translation key?".
My apologies, I took note of the word "ponchiki" because I didn't know it, and then, when writing the column, without the comic book in front of me, just my notes, I didn't notice that I had typed "pochiki". I couldn't find that word anywhere, even with alternate spellings (but alas, never the right one), so I marked it as a made up word. Honestly, when I was writing it, I thought "the rest of the Russian looks flawless, I should go back and check if I took note of the word correctly"... but I didn't.
You'll forgive me, I don't claim to be perfect, but I'm so jaded about writers and languages other than English (what they do to Spanish, for example, is heartwrenching), that I sometimes, unwillingly, slip up. I hope you can forgive me, and thank you for that comic, I have a soft spot for Soviet-inspired stuff.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
The Dissector #143.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"We are your gods! And not docile Morgan Freeman God, we're talking full-force, 110% Jack Kirby Gods! With armor and Omega Beams and chess pieces made to look like my enemies!" Wannabe warlocks at a convention, Angel #27.
Welcome to the column for 12/03, as we, quite obviously, near the end of 2009. Right of the bat, Donald313 noticed that Vibe's grave doesn't have enough space for the rest of his last name, "Ramone" (obscured behind him rising as a Black Lantern) to fit. Badge for you, El-Tee.
The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week is actually from a few weeks ago, but there was absolutely no other book this week that deserved even to share this spot with... Comic Book Comics #4. Fred Van Lente and Ryan Dunlavey deliver, as they did with Action Philosophers, a great telling of the history of our medium, with hilarious humor and really good information for even someone like me, who considers himself pretty knowledgeable about the subject. Worst Book Of The Week? Batman: Unseen #5, with bad art, and horrible characterization of Batman. The only good part? It's the last issue of this fiasco.
The Rundown: Angel (issue #26, while checking the names of the warlocks from the quote, which weren't there, and only one of them was named in #27, I noticed that the toy-style cover says "seperately"), Batman: Unseen (horrible costume exaggeration, eyes without details), Black Widow & The Marvel Girls (wrong eye color for Black Widow, someone in Russian using the Anglicization of her last name, "Romanoff"), Blackest Night: The Flash (wrong costume on Kid Flash, Donna Troy's wound is missing, Gorilla City is not hidden by a special frequency only Flashes can match), Dark Avengers (the Sentry doesn't wear gloves as part of his costume), DC Nation 12/03 (a space is missing between two words), The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (horrible Spanish as usual, including using male adjectives for the Virgin Mary), Hulk: Winter Guard (fake Russian), Psylocke (Psylocke has green eyes first, then blue eyes; when they should be violet, and Yukio, a Japanese character, has blue eyes), Superman: World Of New Krypton (house crests on Kryptonian clothes change between panels). Dissections it is, then.
<-------------------------------->
"AUTHORITATIVE DISSECTION."
TITLE: The Authority V4 (DC/Wildstorm).
ISSUE: 15.
CULPRIT: Drew Johnson (penciller).
DISSECTION: From a couple of months ago; but right off the bat, DISSECT THIS!
Pretty easy, I'll say.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. It could be a double, but I'm being lenient and just counting it as one.
<-------------------------------->
"THE LOST EARS."
TITLE: The Authority: The Lost Year (DC/Wildstorm).
ISSUE: 03 of 12.
CULPRIT: Darick Robertson (penciller).
DISSECTION: Swift is portrayed with pointed ears, when her ears are normal. She has, occasionally, from what I've seen, been portrayed with pointy ears, and sometimes her ears change shape even within the same issue, and the same page, in old issues, although she usually has normal ears. That, coupled with the fact that she has the ability to shift her hands and feet from normal to talon-like, makes me give this a low rating, though.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Her eyes, however, should be brown, not blue.
<-------------------------------->
"DEITY!"
TITLE: The Authority: The Lost Year (DC/Wildstorm).
ISSUE: 03 of 12.
CULPRIT: Keith Giffen (script).
DISSECTION: Really, Keith? The Doctor, aka Habib bin Hassan, a former Palestinian suicide bomber who is the world's shaman, its "Sorcerer Supreme" utters "Jesus wept!" when surprised? Really?
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ALL-STAR, TRULY."
TITLE: JSA All-Stars (DC).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).
DISSECTION: Among many other things (including a lettering balloon pointing at the wrong character, Cyclone costume mistakes, wacky anatomy, and the word "menatally"... well, I've listed everything except Magog's eye being the wrong color, so there...), Power Girl's costume sleeve is torn in battle, and the shape and location of the tears change incongruously between panels.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"KABLOOEY."
TITLE: Spin Angels (Marvel/Soleil).
ISSUE: 04.
CULPRIT: Jean-Luc Sala (writer).
DISSECTION: You know I've been enjoying this book greatly, as one reviewer put it, it's "a head-on collision between John Woo and John Paul II". However, I really don't understand how a gas used to prevent ancient documents from deteriorating would be highly flammable, as to ignite with a flash grenade into a huge explosion.
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PUBIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE."
TITLE: Superman: Secret Origin (DC).
ISSUE: 03 of 06.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe noticed that Perry White talks about the Daily Planet's "pubisher". JD, one badge more and you make Lieutenant Commander!
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THOU HAST LETTERED THY COMIC INCORRECTLY!"
TITLE: Thor V1 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 604.
CULPRIT: Joe Sabino (letterer) and/or Alejandro Arbona (assistant editor), Ralph Macchio & Warren Simmons (editors).
DISSECTION: The recent Thor one-shot had a preview of this issue, which, as usual, ended with "CONTINUED IN THOR #604"... but they left the "CONTINUED..." blurb on that page's art for this issue.
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Also, CeeCee, I hate to call you on it, but Doctor Doom has brown eyes, not blue eyes.
<-------------------------------->
"THERE'S A RAT IN MY KITCHEN."
TITLE: X-Force V3 (Marvel).
ISSUE: Annual #01.
CULPRIT: Jason Pearson (artist).
DISSECTION: Who the hell is that wererat?
Oh... it's supposed to be Wolfsbane. WOLFsbane, Pearson.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Fabian Cortez's hair is the wrong color.
<-------------------------------->
Well, that was a 6.3 Bazzars average on thirty-nine dissections, expectable. Now, I'm kinda rushing this, because I'm late already... here's the cover of the week:
Stunning cover to Thor #604 by Olivier Coipel, Mark Morales, and Laura Martin. Now, Moments Of The Week! First up, we learn how Jack Kirby escapes from Marvel for the second time:
Bwa-hah-hah!!! Next one is not that funny, but it still made me smile:
Well, he IS Fabio-esque. Now, Batman becomes invisible:
Sort of... that means Brucie is wearing his cape and mask only... what could be worse than that?
Well, a completely naked invisible Bruce Wayne, facing a naked skinless man in a dubious position!!! Now, I understand that it'd be good beefcake for the lady readers... but Batman should keep some of his dignity... and clothes... Next, the truth about The Great Darkness Saga:
Keith Giffen has a dartboard in his studio with a picture of Paul Levitz on it! And now, Heaven hopefully looks like this:
BOOGIE WONDERLAND!!! *disco dances around* Damn right! Or... Blessed right! And speaking of godly things...
It's time to teach you a lesson, Doom!!! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"We are your gods! And not docile Morgan Freeman God, we're talking full-force, 110% Jack Kirby Gods! With armor and Omega Beams and chess pieces made to look like my enemies!" Wannabe warlocks at a convention, Angel #27.
Welcome to the column for 12/03, as we, quite obviously, near the end of 2009. Right of the bat, Donald313 noticed that Vibe's grave doesn't have enough space for the rest of his last name, "Ramone" (obscured behind him rising as a Black Lantern) to fit. Badge for you, El-Tee.
The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week is actually from a few weeks ago, but there was absolutely no other book this week that deserved even to share this spot with... Comic Book Comics #4. Fred Van Lente and Ryan Dunlavey deliver, as they did with Action Philosophers, a great telling of the history of our medium, with hilarious humor and really good information for even someone like me, who considers himself pretty knowledgeable about the subject. Worst Book Of The Week? Batman: Unseen #5, with bad art, and horrible characterization of Batman. The only good part? It's the last issue of this fiasco.
The Rundown: Angel (issue #26, while checking the names of the warlocks from the quote, which weren't there, and only one of them was named in #27, I noticed that the toy-style cover says "seperately"), Batman: Unseen (horrible costume exaggeration, eyes without details), Black Widow & The Marvel Girls (wrong eye color for Black Widow, someone in Russian using the Anglicization of her last name, "Romanoff"), Blackest Night: The Flash (wrong costume on Kid Flash, Donna Troy's wound is missing, Gorilla City is not hidden by a special frequency only Flashes can match), Dark Avengers (the Sentry doesn't wear gloves as part of his costume), DC Nation 12/03 (a space is missing between two words), The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (horrible Spanish as usual, including using male adjectives for the Virgin Mary), Hulk: Winter Guard (fake Russian), Psylocke (Psylocke has green eyes first, then blue eyes; when they should be violet, and Yukio, a Japanese character, has blue eyes), Superman: World Of New Krypton (house crests on Kryptonian clothes change between panels). Dissections it is, then.
<-------------------------------->
"AUTHORITATIVE DISSECTION."
TITLE: The Authority V4 (DC/Wildstorm).
ISSUE: 15.
CULPRIT: Drew Johnson (penciller).
DISSECTION: From a couple of months ago; but right off the bat, DISSECT THIS!
Pretty easy, I'll say.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. It could be a double, but I'm being lenient and just counting it as one.
<-------------------------------->
"THE LOST EARS."
TITLE: The Authority: The Lost Year (DC/Wildstorm).
ISSUE: 03 of 12.
CULPRIT: Darick Robertson (penciller).
DISSECTION: Swift is portrayed with pointed ears, when her ears are normal. She has, occasionally, from what I've seen, been portrayed with pointy ears, and sometimes her ears change shape even within the same issue, and the same page, in old issues, although she usually has normal ears. That, coupled with the fact that she has the ability to shift her hands and feet from normal to talon-like, makes me give this a low rating, though.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Her eyes, however, should be brown, not blue.
<-------------------------------->
"DEITY!"
TITLE: The Authority: The Lost Year (DC/Wildstorm).
ISSUE: 03 of 12.
CULPRIT: Keith Giffen (script).
DISSECTION: Really, Keith? The Doctor, aka Habib bin Hassan, a former Palestinian suicide bomber who is the world's shaman, its "Sorcerer Supreme" utters "Jesus wept!" when surprised? Really?
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ALL-STAR, TRULY."
TITLE: JSA All-Stars (DC).
ISSUE: 01.
CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).
DISSECTION: Among many other things (including a lettering balloon pointing at the wrong character, Cyclone costume mistakes, wacky anatomy, and the word "menatally"... well, I've listed everything except Magog's eye being the wrong color, so there...), Power Girl's costume sleeve is torn in battle, and the shape and location of the tears change incongruously between panels.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"KABLOOEY."
TITLE: Spin Angels (Marvel/Soleil).
ISSUE: 04.
CULPRIT: Jean-Luc Sala (writer).
DISSECTION: You know I've been enjoying this book greatly, as one reviewer put it, it's "a head-on collision between John Woo and John Paul II". However, I really don't understand how a gas used to prevent ancient documents from deteriorating would be highly flammable, as to ignite with a flash grenade into a huge explosion.
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PUBIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE."
TITLE: Superman: Secret Origin (DC).
ISSUE: 03 of 06.
CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).
DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe noticed that Perry White talks about the Daily Planet's "pubisher". JD, one badge more and you make Lieutenant Commander!
DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THOU HAST LETTERED THY COMIC INCORRECTLY!"
TITLE: Thor V1 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 604.
CULPRIT: Joe Sabino (letterer) and/or Alejandro Arbona (assistant editor), Ralph Macchio & Warren Simmons (editors).
DISSECTION: The recent Thor one-shot had a preview of this issue, which, as usual, ended with "CONTINUED IN THOR #604"... but they left the "CONTINUED..." blurb on that page's art for this issue.
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Also, CeeCee, I hate to call you on it, but Doctor Doom has brown eyes, not blue eyes.
<-------------------------------->
"THERE'S A RAT IN MY KITCHEN."
TITLE: X-Force V3 (Marvel).
ISSUE: Annual #01.
CULPRIT: Jason Pearson (artist).
DISSECTION: Who the hell is that wererat?
Oh... it's supposed to be Wolfsbane. WOLFsbane, Pearson.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Fabian Cortez's hair is the wrong color.
<-------------------------------->
Well, that was a 6.3 Bazzars average on thirty-nine dissections, expectable. Now, I'm kinda rushing this, because I'm late already... here's the cover of the week:
Stunning cover to Thor #604 by Olivier Coipel, Mark Morales, and Laura Martin. Now, Moments Of The Week! First up, we learn how Jack Kirby escapes from Marvel for the second time:
Bwa-hah-hah!!! Next one is not that funny, but it still made me smile:
Well, he IS Fabio-esque. Now, Batman becomes invisible:
Sort of... that means Brucie is wearing his cape and mask only... what could be worse than that?
Well, a completely naked invisible Bruce Wayne, facing a naked skinless man in a dubious position!!! Now, I understand that it'd be good beefcake for the lady readers... but Batman should keep some of his dignity... and clothes... Next, the truth about The Great Darkness Saga:
Keith Giffen has a dartboard in his studio with a picture of Paul Levitz on it! And now, Heaven hopefully looks like this:
BOOGIE WONDERLAND!!! *disco dances around* Damn right! Or... Blessed right! And speaking of godly things...
It's time to teach you a lesson, Doom!!! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
Friday, December 04, 2009
The Dissector #142.
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"So one Green Lantern baddie. One giant skeleton-guy. One freaky Guardian. And a Black Lantern in a pear tree." Flash (Wally West), Blackest Night #5.
Good afternoon, or whatever time of the day it is while you read this, the column for comics released on the week of 11/25 (as usual, with a few books from previous weeks). The end of the year is near, which means that the third annual Autopsy Awards are coming! Nominees will be announced sometime in the first two weeks of January in a special column, and while I've been setting aside my own choices, readers are welcome to submit proposals for Best Quote, Best Moment, Best Cover, and special awards.
Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Detective Comics #859; Greg Rucka provides an interesting main story with Batwoman's past, and a great second feature with The Question; although the art for the latter is nowhere as good as J. H. Williams' art for the main story. Superman: Secret Origins was almost book of the week, with enjoyable plot and good art (except for my usual gripe about Gary Frank's faces for Clark), but I really can't get behind Geoff John's decisions to have Ron Troupe and Cat Grant working at the Daily Planet before Clark. Worst of all, I can't accept the Daily Planet being a failed newspaper that can barely stay afloat, with the added insult that Perry White is a has been that's too scared to publish stories on City Hall's corruption or inefficiency, for example. Geoff, this takes away a lot of value from Perry as a character, implying that the only reason the planet is a great newspaper is because Clark is there, bringing in the Superman exclusives...
Worst Book Of The Week? Well, simply Super Friends #21. I don't know why I still read this book; it aims at children while basically treating them as idiots; forgetting also to aim for their parents, like Franklin Richards: Son Of A Genius or Tiny Titans do. No one cracked the DT!; the problem was that Bucky-Cap says that Captain America was pulled out of the water and brought into "this decade"; and sliding timeline or not, there's no way Steve was revived in 2001...
Here is The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man ("Michele" Gonzales), Blackest Night (Hal's badge, Wally West's mask, Kid Flash's costume), Dark Avengers: Ares (Ares eyes are colored blue), Detective Comics (Huntress' costume is wrong), Dominic Fortune (Dominic's eyes are colored incorrectly on the cover, accented letter), Fantastic Four V1 (Psionics' eyes are colored wrong), Green Lantern V4 (the issue happens before Blackest Night #5, but it says it happens before issue #6... still technically correct, but...), Guardians of the Galaxy V2 (Starlord's eyes are colored incorrectly), Incredible Hercules (USAgent, then his shield and costume are colored incorrectly on the cover, Wolverine's and Ares' eyes are colored incorrectly), Justice League: Cry For Justice (Hal's badge, Jay Garrick's hair, Vixen's skin is colored as if she were the same skin tone as the Caucasian characters around her), The Last Resort (bad Spanish, an accented letter actually has an apostrophe next to it instead of an accent on top of it), New Avengers (Captain America's eyes are wrong, H.A.M.M.E.R. soldiers have wrong uniforms, and Daredevil's mask is wrong), New Mutants V3 (mentioning Magik's, uhm, magical abilities might be nice in the character's power listing), Super Friends V2 (Aquaman's eyes are wrong), Ultimate Comics Avengers (a fired bullet doesn't look like a bullet right out of the box), Uncanny X-Men (Namor's eyes should be grey, not blue), Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Spider-Girl's and JJJ's eyes are colored incorrectly, plus "Burmuda" is not a country), World's Finest V3 (Guardian's eyes are brown, which is wrong, then blue, the right color), X-Men Forever V2 (eye colors, accented letters, "Woverine", Beast and Ororo with the wrong eye design, and most of all, Chris, it's "Spetsnatz", or even "Specnatz", but not "Spetsnatst"), Zorro (the usual ton of accented letters and "ñ"s, several incorrect uses of the Spanish language, even a misspelled English word, and Zorro's eyes colored incorrectly).
Speaking of Zorro, I received the latest two issues late; #16 from last month had no wrong uses of the Spanish language by the writer, only lettering mistakes; and I will admit that #17 (from the week before the one for this column) didn't have that many Spanish atrocities. However, I'm very, very irked at how Matt Wagner, the book's writer, keeps using Spanish words and expressions in the dialogue that, for the readers benefit, is translated to English. The same way as "tovarishti" should have been translated in that X-Men forever dialogue, there should be no Spanish words in Zorro's dialogue. I wrote an e-mail to Dynamite Entertainment, where I tell them how much I enjoy the comic, but how sloppy and disrespectful this way of writing is... I've posted it on a few places to share my concerns with my fellow readers, so read it if you want, and if it bothers you too (even if you're not a Spanish-speaker), write an e-mail to Dynamite. You can haz disecshuns nao:
<-------------------------------->
"NEW AGE STUPIDITY."
TITLE: Arkham Reborn (DC).
ISSUE: 02 of 03.
CULPRIT: David Hine (writer).
DISSECTION: Even in the most hippie mental facility, are we really supposed to believe that a dangerous criminal, particularly one like Killer Croc who has a bloody jacuzzi in his cell, nay, room, will have an accessible, open electrical outlet?
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"EXAGGERATION, MUCH?"
TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).
ISSUE: 30.
CULPRIT: Christos N. Gage (writer) and/or Rachel Pinnelas (assistant editor) & Bill Roseman (editor).
DISSECTION: The intro blurb says "... after Stamford, Connecticut was destroyed..."; but Stamford was not destroyed, a school and surrounding houses in Stamford were destroyed.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WRONG KITTY."
TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).
ISSUE: 30.
CULPRIT: Christos N. Gage (writer).
DISSECTION: Tigra claims to have empathic abilities; but she never had such powers. Hellcat, on the other hand, which is a different character (Tigra was "The Cat") used to have some psionic abilities, and still has a few echoes of them.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTORO."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 132.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: I credited Black Panther artist Will Conrad as "Will Conrado".
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"INTRODUCING THE NEW FLUIDMAC."
TITLE: G.I. Joe Origins (IDW).
ISSUE: 09.
CULPRIT: Andrea Mutti (artist).
DISSECTION: This was almost this week's DT!; a terrorist ignites a computer with a termite bomb to get rid of data; and Scarlet tries to salvage the hard drive. While she kicks the computer tower, it changes shape and size.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, a phrase in Gaeilge is spelled incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"LIAR, LIAR. PANTS ON FIRE. WHERE'S YOUR GAG FLOWER THAT SHOOTS WATER TO PUT IT OUT?"
TITLE: Gotham Sirens (DC).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).
DISSECTION: Gaggy, the Joker's former sidekick, tells a tale of the first time the Joker went to prison, or at least of the last time he went to jail before being declared insane and sent to Arkham Asylum. Problem is, that according to the recent Joker origin told in Batman Confidential #7-12, the first time he was captured he went straight to Arkham.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Poison Ivy claims she "didn't bring enough vines" to free herself and Catwoman from a trap; when we've seen her cause gigantic plants to sprout out of building floors and walls without any plant matter around.
<-------------------------------->
"PEROXIDE HOOD."
TITLE: The Invincible Iron Man V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 20.
CULPRIT: Frank D'Armata (colorist).
DISSECTION: Frank, what the hell are you on? Norman's eyes are colored incorrectly, Tony's eyes are wrong... and the Hood is blond?
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"VIBE THIS!"
TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 39.
CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller).
DISSECTION: Check this one out, Mr. Paco Ramone, aka Vibe, comes back from the dead. Sorta.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LIGHT CURRY."
TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 39.
CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).
DISSECTION: Psst... James... Dr. Light, the villain, is Arthur LIGHT, not Curry. That's Aquaman.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AND CAPTAIN ATOM WAS IN THE NAVY."
TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 33.
CULPRIT: Bill Willingham (writer).
DISSECTION: Mr. Willingham heard a great joke, and he just had to use it. Do you know what "army" stands for? Ain't ready for the Marines yet! HAH! Hilarious!!! And it would be even more hilarious to see Magog taunt Major Force with that after the villain tells him he hates jarheads because he was in the Army... if Major Force hadn't been IN THE AIR FORCE!!!
I really don't expect each writer to be familiar with every single character in the universe they're writing in. But come on, Google "Major Force" and the first link you get is the Wikipedia article on the character, and the second paragraph in the article says "While in the USAF...". Basic research, the jokes you want to tell have to work around the characters you're using, not the other way around.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Power Girl's hairstyle is wrong, and Jay Garrick's boots are drawn incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"SECRET TIMELINE."
TITLE: Secret Warriors (Marvel).
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Jonathan Hickman (writer).
DISSECTION: Again, fuck the sliding timeline, are we really meant to believe that it's been only FIVE WEEKS since Secret Invasion? Spider-Man spent TWO MONTHS in a macroverse with the Fantastic Four, for example, not to mention all the stuff that's happened in other books since Secret Invasion that no way could have happened in five weeks.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WEARING LIFTS."
TITLE: Secret Warriors (Marvel).
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Alessandro Viti (artist).
DISSECTION: Yes, sure. Ten-year old (physically, at least) Alexander is half a head shorter than Hercules.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Balder and Alex have their eyes colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"POOR BOTHANS."
TITLE: Star Wars: Legacy (Dark Horse).
ISSUE: 42.
CULPRIT: Dave Ross (penciller).
DISSECTION: Ross adds yet another interpretation to how Bothans look.
Hey, Dave... that looks like a Shistavanen.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Mon Calamari hands and feet are drawn incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
So, the average for this week was 6.7 Bazzars in a hundred and twenty-two dissections. The usual, more or less; but in a busload of dissections. Cover Of The Week was this simple, but effective cover to Unknown Soldier #14 by Dave Johnson:
Moments of The Week? We have plenty! First up, more Legionnaires in the present!
That's Matter Eater Lad, for the uninformed, even wearing a shirt and t-shirt in the same color scheme as his uniform. Then, Blackest Night gets worse:
Yikes. Then, Super Friends is basically crap, but it has its moments:
I love the Disco Leprechaun. Then, Dominic Fortune:
... but his enemies misfortune. Oh, and now:
Incest! It's almost like Star Wars!!! Now, Superman: Secret Origins is not all about making the Daily Planet staff a bunch of simpletons:
Lois know something is up... Back to Marvel, but Ultimate:
Yeah, Ulti-Cap is a bit more... badass than regular Cap... Now, two Knights Of The Dinner Table moments:
Eww... Barbara Blackburn!!! WHY??!?! The images in my mind are now... etched onto it... You paying for therapy? And next, Gee-Jay himself takes the fight to the Wicked Witch:
Damn straight! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"So one Green Lantern baddie. One giant skeleton-guy. One freaky Guardian. And a Black Lantern in a pear tree." Flash (Wally West), Blackest Night #5.
Good afternoon, or whatever time of the day it is while you read this, the column for comics released on the week of 11/25 (as usual, with a few books from previous weeks). The end of the year is near, which means that the third annual Autopsy Awards are coming! Nominees will be announced sometime in the first two weeks of January in a special column, and while I've been setting aside my own choices, readers are welcome to submit proposals for Best Quote, Best Moment, Best Cover, and special awards.
Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Detective Comics #859; Greg Rucka provides an interesting main story with Batwoman's past, and a great second feature with The Question; although the art for the latter is nowhere as good as J. H. Williams' art for the main story. Superman: Secret Origins was almost book of the week, with enjoyable plot and good art (except for my usual gripe about Gary Frank's faces for Clark), but I really can't get behind Geoff John's decisions to have Ron Troupe and Cat Grant working at the Daily Planet before Clark. Worst of all, I can't accept the Daily Planet being a failed newspaper that can barely stay afloat, with the added insult that Perry White is a has been that's too scared to publish stories on City Hall's corruption or inefficiency, for example. Geoff, this takes away a lot of value from Perry as a character, implying that the only reason the planet is a great newspaper is because Clark is there, bringing in the Superman exclusives...
Worst Book Of The Week? Well, simply Super Friends #21. I don't know why I still read this book; it aims at children while basically treating them as idiots; forgetting also to aim for their parents, like Franklin Richards: Son Of A Genius or Tiny Titans do. No one cracked the DT!; the problem was that Bucky-Cap says that Captain America was pulled out of the water and brought into "this decade"; and sliding timeline or not, there's no way Steve was revived in 2001...
Here is The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man ("Michele" Gonzales), Blackest Night (Hal's badge, Wally West's mask, Kid Flash's costume), Dark Avengers: Ares (Ares eyes are colored blue), Detective Comics (Huntress' costume is wrong), Dominic Fortune (Dominic's eyes are colored incorrectly on the cover, accented letter), Fantastic Four V1 (Psionics' eyes are colored wrong), Green Lantern V4 (the issue happens before Blackest Night #5, but it says it happens before issue #6... still technically correct, but...), Guardians of the Galaxy V2 (Starlord's eyes are colored incorrectly), Incredible Hercules (USAgent, then his shield and costume are colored incorrectly on the cover, Wolverine's and Ares' eyes are colored incorrectly), Justice League: Cry For Justice (Hal's badge, Jay Garrick's hair, Vixen's skin is colored as if she were the same skin tone as the Caucasian characters around her), The Last Resort (bad Spanish, an accented letter actually has an apostrophe next to it instead of an accent on top of it), New Avengers (Captain America's eyes are wrong, H.A.M.M.E.R. soldiers have wrong uniforms, and Daredevil's mask is wrong), New Mutants V3 (mentioning Magik's, uhm, magical abilities might be nice in the character's power listing), Super Friends V2 (Aquaman's eyes are wrong), Ultimate Comics Avengers (a fired bullet doesn't look like a bullet right out of the box), Uncanny X-Men (Namor's eyes should be grey, not blue), Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Spider-Girl's and JJJ's eyes are colored incorrectly, plus "Burmuda" is not a country), World's Finest V3 (Guardian's eyes are brown, which is wrong, then blue, the right color), X-Men Forever V2 (eye colors, accented letters, "Woverine", Beast and Ororo with the wrong eye design, and most of all, Chris, it's "Spetsnatz", or even "Specnatz", but not "Spetsnatst"), Zorro (the usual ton of accented letters and "ñ"s, several incorrect uses of the Spanish language, even a misspelled English word, and Zorro's eyes colored incorrectly).
Speaking of Zorro, I received the latest two issues late; #16 from last month had no wrong uses of the Spanish language by the writer, only lettering mistakes; and I will admit that #17 (from the week before the one for this column) didn't have that many Spanish atrocities. However, I'm very, very irked at how Matt Wagner, the book's writer, keeps using Spanish words and expressions in the dialogue that, for the readers benefit, is translated to English. The same way as "tovarishti" should have been translated in that X-Men forever dialogue, there should be no Spanish words in Zorro's dialogue. I wrote an e-mail to Dynamite Entertainment, where I tell them how much I enjoy the comic, but how sloppy and disrespectful this way of writing is... I've posted it on a few places to share my concerns with my fellow readers, so read it if you want, and if it bothers you too (even if you're not a Spanish-speaker), write an e-mail to Dynamite. You can haz disecshuns nao:
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"NEW AGE STUPIDITY."
TITLE: Arkham Reborn (DC).
ISSUE: 02 of 03.
CULPRIT: David Hine (writer).
DISSECTION: Even in the most hippie mental facility, are we really supposed to believe that a dangerous criminal, particularly one like Killer Croc who has a bloody jacuzzi in his cell, nay, room, will have an accessible, open electrical outlet?
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"EXAGGERATION, MUCH?"
TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).
ISSUE: 30.
CULPRIT: Christos N. Gage (writer) and/or Rachel Pinnelas (assistant editor) & Bill Roseman (editor).
DISSECTION: The intro blurb says "... after Stamford, Connecticut was destroyed..."; but Stamford was not destroyed, a school and surrounding houses in Stamford were destroyed.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WRONG KITTY."
TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).
ISSUE: 30.
CULPRIT: Christos N. Gage (writer).
DISSECTION: Tigra claims to have empathic abilities; but she never had such powers. Hellcat, on the other hand, which is a different character (Tigra was "The Cat") used to have some psionic abilities, and still has a few echoes of them.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"DISSECTORO."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
ISSUE: 132.
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: I credited Black Panther artist Will Conrad as "Will Conrado".
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"INTRODUCING THE NEW FLUIDMAC."
TITLE: G.I. Joe Origins (IDW).
ISSUE: 09.
CULPRIT: Andrea Mutti (artist).
DISSECTION: This was almost this week's DT!; a terrorist ignites a computer with a termite bomb to get rid of data; and Scarlet tries to salvage the hard drive. While she kicks the computer tower, it changes shape and size.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, a phrase in Gaeilge is spelled incorrectly.
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"LIAR, LIAR. PANTS ON FIRE. WHERE'S YOUR GAG FLOWER THAT SHOOTS WATER TO PUT IT OUT?"
TITLE: Gotham Sirens (DC).
ISSUE: 06.
CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).
DISSECTION: Gaggy, the Joker's former sidekick, tells a tale of the first time the Joker went to prison, or at least of the last time he went to jail before being declared insane and sent to Arkham Asylum. Problem is, that according to the recent Joker origin told in Batman Confidential #7-12, the first time he was captured he went straight to Arkham.
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Poison Ivy claims she "didn't bring enough vines" to free herself and Catwoman from a trap; when we've seen her cause gigantic plants to sprout out of building floors and walls without any plant matter around.
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"PEROXIDE HOOD."
TITLE: The Invincible Iron Man V2 (Marvel).
ISSUE: 20.
CULPRIT: Frank D'Armata (colorist).
DISSECTION: Frank, what the hell are you on? Norman's eyes are colored incorrectly, Tony's eyes are wrong... and the Hood is blond?
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each.
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"VIBE THIS!"
TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 39.
CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller).
DISSECTION: Check this one out, Mr. Paco Ramone, aka Vibe, comes back from the dead. Sorta.
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"LIGHT CURRY."
TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).
ISSUE: 39.
CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).
DISSECTION: Psst... James... Dr. Light, the villain, is Arthur LIGHT, not Curry. That's Aquaman.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"AND CAPTAIN ATOM WAS IN THE NAVY."
TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).
ISSUE: 33.
CULPRIT: Bill Willingham (writer).
DISSECTION: Mr. Willingham heard a great joke, and he just had to use it. Do you know what "army" stands for? Ain't ready for the Marines yet! HAH! Hilarious!!! And it would be even more hilarious to see Magog taunt Major Force with that after the villain tells him he hates jarheads because he was in the Army... if Major Force hadn't been IN THE AIR FORCE!!!
I really don't expect each writer to be familiar with every single character in the universe they're writing in. But come on, Google "Major Force" and the first link you get is the Wikipedia article on the character, and the second paragraph in the article says "While in the USAF...". Basic research, the jokes you want to tell have to work around the characters you're using, not the other way around.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Power Girl's hairstyle is wrong, and Jay Garrick's boots are drawn incorrectly.
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"SECRET TIMELINE."
TITLE: Secret Warriors (Marvel).
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Jonathan Hickman (writer).
DISSECTION: Again, fuck the sliding timeline, are we really meant to believe that it's been only FIVE WEEKS since Secret Invasion? Spider-Man spent TWO MONTHS in a macroverse with the Fantastic Four, for example, not to mention all the stuff that's happened in other books since Secret Invasion that no way could have happened in five weeks.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"WEARING LIFTS."
TITLE: Secret Warriors (Marvel).
ISSUE: 10.
CULPRIT: Alessandro Viti (artist).
DISSECTION: Yes, sure. Ten-year old (physically, at least) Alexander is half a head shorter than Hercules.
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Balder and Alex have their eyes colored incorrectly.
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"POOR BOTHANS."
TITLE: Star Wars: Legacy (Dark Horse).
ISSUE: 42.
CULPRIT: Dave Ross (penciller).
DISSECTION: Ross adds yet another interpretation to how Bothans look.
Hey, Dave... that looks like a Shistavanen.
DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Mon Calamari hands and feet are drawn incorrectly.
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So, the average for this week was 6.7 Bazzars in a hundred and twenty-two dissections. The usual, more or less; but in a busload of dissections. Cover Of The Week was this simple, but effective cover to Unknown Soldier #14 by Dave Johnson:
Moments of The Week? We have plenty! First up, more Legionnaires in the present!
That's Matter Eater Lad, for the uninformed, even wearing a shirt and t-shirt in the same color scheme as his uniform. Then, Blackest Night gets worse:
Yikes. Then, Super Friends is basically crap, but it has its moments:
I love the Disco Leprechaun. Then, Dominic Fortune:
... but his enemies misfortune. Oh, and now:
Incest! It's almost like Star Wars!!! Now, Superman: Secret Origins is not all about making the Daily Planet staff a bunch of simpletons:
Lois know something is up... Back to Marvel, but Ultimate:
Yeah, Ulti-Cap is a bit more... badass than regular Cap... Now, two Knights Of The Dinner Table moments:
Eww... Barbara Blackburn!!! WHY??!?! The images in my mind are now... etched onto it... You paying for therapy? And next, Gee-Jay himself takes the fight to the Wicked Witch:
Damn straight! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...
THE DISSECTOR!
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