The Dissector #180.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"This isn't a powers case. (...) That's not a fox-man. That is a good old fashioned furry. (...) The guy has a dildo up his ass with a tail attached to it." Detective Enki Sunrise, Powers V3 #6.

Still running behind, here's the column for books released on 09/29. The DT! from last column wasn't cracked; Batman attacks Supergirl with red sunlight, but that shouldn't be enough to render her powerless, as it's only prolonged exposure that weakens a Kryptonian, or a concentrated beam (not just light from lamps). Incidentally, Ensign David earns a badge (and is one away from promotion) by pointing out something I hadn't noticed. Batman says that he's using UVB of a red wavelength variety... when an ultraviolet light is specifically NOT within the red wavelength, but above the visible spectrum. So the term is contradictory.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week is again shared between two books. First up is issue #2 of Captain America: Patriot; again, great writing by Kesel and outstanding art by the Breitweisers; mixing classical and modern feels, as well as fitting lettering by Jared K. Fletcher. The other book is a Marvel book as well, Amazing Spider-Man #644; for similar reasons, a good blending of modern storytelling. Mark Waid is as veteran a writer as Karl Kesel, but his writing doesn't feel dated, it feels classic. Same goes for artist Paul Azaceta's and colorist Javier Rodriguez's work; subdued coloring that harkens back to Silver Age classics, but with modern narrative techniques; all aided by Joe Caramagna's letters.

Worst Book Of The Week is, a regular in recent times, Teen Titans #87. The art is not as bad as it's been before, but it still shows at certain points where Luís didn't put any effort into faces, and writer Felicia D. Henderson... should stay away from the Titans... cheesy dialogues, weird plot twists, characters behaving like jerks, and harebrained power-effects make for a bad comic. I'm glad there's a new creative team coming to this book next issue.

The Rundown: Action Comics (Jimmy Olsen's eyes colored incorrectly), Atlas ("Docter" Voodoo) , Detective Comics (Batman's uniform is all wrong, emblem, belt, and gloves), Powers V3 (the recap falls short by several issues, accented letters), Secret Warriors (Nick Fury's eye is colored incorrectly), Star Wars: Invasion - Rescues (the blurb in the inner front cover says the New Jedi Order era is about Luke Skywalker's descendants... that's more suited to the Legacy era), Teen Titans V3 (WTF is up with "Jose Lúís"? Black Alice's eyes are colored incorrectly in the back up), Time Masters: Vanishing Point (Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, and his boots are colored white in a panel), Valkyrie V2 (accented letter), X-Men Forever 2 (again with the starship larger than Manhattan, Chris? Jean Grey's eyes are colored incorrectly in a panel).
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"HAMMERTIME!"

TITLE: Avengers Prime (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: Captain America, sorry, Steve Rogers, and Iron Man are both surprised that someone could lift Thor's hammer, when it's been lifted by others (including The Hulk by sheer brute strength), many others, throughout the years.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"WELL, MAYBE HE WROTE IT WITH A PENCIL!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 179.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 noticed that I credited Joe Kelly as a penciller, when he's a writer.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, because it was a DT! about the writing.
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"UNDER THE SEA."

TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).

DISSECTION: Stop giving Namor gigantic ankle wings! They're supposed to be smaller. But I also retract from a dissection credited to writer Stuart Moore, the part about the magic box with Dracula's head inside of it... they do address the fact that it has to be opened by an Atlantean monarch.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Namor's eyes are GREY, not BLUE. Grey.
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"OHLUKOOLONALOLYPIPOL!!!!"

TITLE: Room Mates (La Cúpula/NBM/Eurotica).

ISSUE: Volume 1.

CULPRIT: Miguel Guerra (translator) and/or Ivan Guevara (writer).

DISSECTION: Stories in this book are closed with part of song lyrics or literary quotes. One of them ends with "Only lonely people", by Lennon/McCartney. Problem is, Eleanor Rigby never says that. It's "All the lonely people..."

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"WAR IS ASS."

TITLE: Star Spangled War Stories V3 (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Billy Tucci (writer).

DISSECTION: The word "âne", which means "ass", is used to refer to the backside of Mademoiselle Marie (and metaphorically to her life); but while it means "ass" in French, it's the animal, not the body part. The word Tucci was looking for was "cul". Don't use literal translations, folks!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Of course, every single accented letter is wrong, except for one.
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"LEGACY OF THE DISSECTOR."

TITLE: X-Men Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 240.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: This one should be easy:


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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This week ups the average a bit with 6.8 Bazzars in thirty dissections. Cover Of The Week is from Captain America: Patriot #2, by the Breitweisers:


I love how the light from the torches and possibly the sun ends up looking like it's coming from the stars in the Caps' chests. The attitudes in Namor and Bucky are also quite telling. Moments Of The Week start off with gratuitous posturing by Alan Scott:


And this is just the best part of Robinson's weak handling of JSA... Next, from Captain America: Patriot, someone had it coming:


Yes, Cap injured his hand, but Namor sometimes deserves it... Now, from the worst book of the week, Cyborg shows what part of him was most affected by his more recent overhaul:


His personality... what a dick! And now, from Powers, be careful for what you wish:


I would try and use a different catchphrase... The end of that issue came with a nice surprise for regular readers:


Look who got promoted? And last, Bendis answers my question with his usual flippancy:


Gee, thanks Brian! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #162.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"(...) there we were... heroes! (...) Stomping out Nazis! Nazi robots! Nazi zombies! Nazi Nazis!" Billy Mace, Powers V3 #4.

Welcome to a late column, I know, but this was a busy weekend... and tomorrow is a busier day: I'm interviewing Peter David... so I should get this column down and get some sleep... still, I'll try not to rush it. Last week's DT! wasn't cracked; Deadpool attacked Hulkpool with what was supposed to be a discarded adamantium claw that didn't take on Wolverine or something like that, but the claw was longer than Deadpool's whole arm... Ah, before I forget, this is for books released on 05/05; plus a straggler or two.

So, I did went to bed, and I'm writing the rest of this column on Monday night... interview with PAD went smoothly, he's a great guy. It'll be online soon, in the meantime, here we are:


And I got my Atlantis Chronicles (plus an issue of Aquaman) signed by him! Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following... Best Book Of The Week was Superman: War Of The Supermen #1; great start (after the teaser #0 on FCBD) for the last part of the New Krypton saga... you'll see in the Moments Of The Week how they solved the Kryptonian overpopulation. Worst Book Of The Week was JSA All-Stars... it's just sub par, and unnecessary to boot. As a last thing, I'd like to point you in the direction of Pixel Fantasies, a site with a name dirtier than the site actually is... it's a nice place for comic book belles pinups, that's all. No pr0n, just some skin, but nothing explicit (so far).

The Rundown: Avengers: The Origin (Rick Jones' eyes are blue, then green, then blue again), Batman And Robin (Batman's chest emblem is wrong on the cover), Buck Rogers (an obvious question ends in just an exclamation mark, a period is missing in the "next issue" blurb at the end), Captain America/Black Panther: Flags Of Our Fathers (Nick Fury's eyes, while he still has too, are blue, they should be brown), Deathlok V4 (accented letters, and a character's name chances spelling between issues), Doom Patrol V5 (a word is missing in a sentence, and Elasti-Woman's eyes are STILL THE WRONG COLOR), Free Comic Book Day 2010: Iron Man/Thor (Tony Stark's eyes are colored brown), Hellboy In Mexico (wrong uses of the Spanish language), JSA All-Stars (assorted costuming design, eye and hair color mistakes, wrongly placed word balloons), Powers V3 (misspelled name), Red Robin (wrong eye color in R'as, wrong chest emblem in Batman that changes between pages), Uncanny X-Men (Bastion's hand is sticking out of the wrong place of Nightcrawler's chest, several wrong eye colors), Zorro (Spanish language, Ñs, accented letters... just twenty-seven dissections in total in one issue).
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"JUMP THE GUNN."

TITLE: Angel (IDW).

ISSUE: 32.

CULPRIT: Bill Willingham (writer).

DISSECTION: Gunn says that when Connor was living in the demonic dimension, he was leading his crew and protecting his territory. Uh, no? Gunn had already joined Angel Investigations by that time.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"HALF-AND-HALF."

TITLE: Brightest Day (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns & Peter Tomasi (writers).

DISSECTION: Aquaman is identified as "half-human"; he's not, he's pure Atlantean. You're thinking of Namor.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, I was ready to acknowledge that maybe Hal Jordan's badge had changed shape... but it's on the cover in its classic shape, then in the wrong shape inside... Also, "Somali" is not a country, "Somalia" is.
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"FRUTUOXIA BY KNIGHT."

TITLE: Freedom Knights En Ciudad Frutuoxia (Dragon/Ninfa).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Roy, Bea, and Nicolás "Nico" Peruzzo (editors, but they wrote, drew, "gray" colored, lettered all of it between the three).

DISSECTION: This is the first superhero crossover in my country, although it's a parody, between the comic "Relatos De Ciudad Frutuoxia" (Tales Of Frutuoxia City, from Ninfa Comics), which is a humorous book, and Freedom Knights (by Dragon Comics), a straight superhero comic book. If you can read Spanish, go and download it for free from either of the pages I linked for the publishers... and you can buy it in paper if you want too.

It was a good book, a fun read, but the credits were at the end of the book... which wouldn't be a problem, if they hadn't included the "This story takes place before..." blurbs for each of their books... it makes sense to include it in the back cover if it's just the credits... but not the storyline placement blurbs.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There are also a couple of mistakes in some of the English dialogues.
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"NOT HAN SOLO."

TITLE: Solo (Apocalipta/G.A.S./Studio Robota).

ISSUE: Digital one-shot (originally published in Cisplatino Visiones #4).

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (letterer).

DISSECTION: This is my first comic book story, both written and published... local comic Cisplatino has a supplement called "Visiones" (Visions), in which they publish short stories about the characters' pasts, or stuff that happens on the side of the main story... up to my story (and I believe, so far), all stories have been written by Diego Tapié and Pablo Zignone, the book's creators... until this one, I was the first they allowed to play in their playground of the mind.

Besides writing it, I lettered the book; and when, a few months after it had been published in print, I asked for permission to publish it digitally, I adapted the pages for a release... and screwed up the lettering. Koutarou, from forum Freak Zone, noticed I had an accent jump around. The word "demás" had its accent jump to a word on the line above, "igual", so it ended on the "l", which is not even possible as I've explained in the past. So it ended up being two dissections in one. Badge for Koutarou.

If you want, and read Spanish, you can check out the story here, as well as the website for G.A.S., the comic book publisher I'm part of... indy, of course, but rising! And soon, I'll upload an English version of the story for those of you who don't read Spanish.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each. Also, I wrote "lobo" instead of "Lobo" in the back cover of the "book".
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"BUDGET CUTS."

TITLE: The Many Loves Of The Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Brian Reed (writer) and/or Nick Dragota (penciller).

DISSECTION: Are we really supposed to believe that there is no computer in Captain Stacy's office, 13-14 years ago? Then again, this is Brian Reed, who recently wrote Miss Marvel pulling Mac Gargan out of the Venom symbiote by brute force...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"VENGEANCE OF THE DISSECT THIS!"

TITLE: Vengeance Of The Moon Knight (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Tan Eng Huat (penciller).

DISSECTION: Look at Deadpool below, and tell me what's wrong:


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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This week we had a 6.6 Bazzars average, in sixty-four dissections. Cover Of The Week is by Bachalo and Townsend, and it's another good Spider-Man/Lizard piece:


Nice, unsettling, innit? Now, Moments Of The Week, we have plenty. First up, Hellboy in Mexico!


Awesome! Next, the Black Cat is... well... yummylicious...


Buttock poetry... Then, Red Robin pwns R'as:


Wonderful! Then, Colin Farrell should sue:


And it's not just one panel, the main character in Sparta USA looks like him all the time. You know who else should sue?


Colossus, he should sue Terry Dodson for making him look like Jaws from James Bond. Now, for a touching moment:


I'm still in denial; I don't buy that they'd cremate his body... Next, in my country, union leaders are tough:


Because they're Klingons like Worf! And last, how do you get rid of a planet full of Kryptonians?


Two-stage bomb, first a gold K bomb, then a green K bomb, and boom! BOOM! So, I finished this column on Monday night, but waited until today, Tuesday, to post it... I was too tired to post it around all the boards and places I promote it on. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #74.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I always punch anything I see that's wearing a swastika!" Captain America, Giant-Size Avengers/Invaders #1.

Alright, still on the catch up job, with a column about comics published on the week of 05/07, plus a few older dissections. Last column's Dissect This! was spotted by Sully, who reaches the rank of Lieutenant in the HDSC. Of course, you can't kill 29 billion men, since there's roughly over 6 billion people on Earth; and no Snakebyte, it doesn't matter that Y: The Last Man happens in a fictitious Earth.

Before the actual dissections, let's see the Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book was Star Wars: Legacy #23, solid issue on a usually solid series, great plot by Ostrander and excellent art by Jan Duursema (instead of the occasional fill-in artists, who aren't always up to her standards) Worst Book Of The Week is Metal Men V4 #8, last issue in a flop of a series that showed me that Duncan Rouleau. Thank God it's over.
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"MOM! CLARK IS INTERFERING WITH MY COMPUTER!!"

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: Annual #11.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns & Richard Donner (writers).

DISSECTION: Okay, I'm too tired to write a rant about the new Superman status quo, about the bumbling Clark Kent persona, etc, etc, etc, etc... and it's been so long since I read it that I lost the whole rant I had composed in my head. I can't even consider most of it as dissections, as much as I disagree with it, because it's slowly being retconned into post Infinite Crisis continuity. However, there is one thing that I can't accept, and that's Superman's powers sometimes interfering with computers, forcing Clark Kent to work on a typewriter. WHAT? I can understand (even if I don't agree) wanting to return to a Silver Age feeling, but this doesn't even make sense! He's not Electric Blue Superman! Not only that, but they haven't shown this happening in any other books, so it might be stretching it a bit, but I'll have to say this is a dissection.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Yes, that might have some pent up frustration added.
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"SKRULL!!!"

TITLE: Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 558.

CULPRIT: Avalon's Hannin & Milla (colorists)

DISSECTION: JJJ's hair and moustache show no sign of his age.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"ANGLE: AFTER THE FALL OF MY DICTIONARY."

TITLE: Angel: After The Fall (IDW).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Brian Lynch (writer) and/or Robbie Robbins (letterer).

DISSECTION: The word "ringing" is used instead of "wringing". Also, "hobble" instead of "cobble".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars each.
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"INVADERS, DISSECT THIS!"

TITLE: Avengers/Invaders (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 12.

CULPRIT: Steve Sadowski (penciller).

DISSECTION: Check this out, what's wrong with this image? And yes, that's Cap in WWII, with his definitive costume.


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"WE, TEH PEOPLE..."

TITLE: Cable V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Duane Swierczynski (writer) & VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Usually people gather in an "assembly", not an "assmebly".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
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"FUCK IT EASY."

TITLE: Captain America V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 338.

CULPRIT: Mark Gruenwald (writer).

DISSECTION: Not only Fer-de-Lance's Spanish dialogue has the wrong exclamation marks, she also says "cógelo suave" as "take it easy"; which is a literal translation but not the right one, which would be "tómatelo con calma", particularly since she's Latin American and "coger" is only used in Spain; since in Latin America it means "to fuck". Brownie points to Gruenwald for using some accented vowels, though.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"WHO COLORED THIS?"

TITLE: Empire (DC).

ISSUE: 0.

CULPRIT: Unknown cover designer.

DISSECTION: Colorist Chris Sotomayor is credited on the cover as "Sotomayer".

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"AFRICA? WHERE'S THAT?"

TITLE: The Invincible Iron Man V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Salvador Larroca (artist) and Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: Iron Man stands on a holographic display of the world which tracks anyone who's worn or wears a suit of high-tech armor, and says that none of them is in Africa... yet there's clearly one marked as in being in Africa.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"IT'S GOT A HORN, WHO'S GONNA TELL THE DIFFERENCE?"

TITLE: Star Spangled Comics V1 (DC Comics).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Unknown writer.

DISSECTION: This one is from 1944, making it the oldest dissection in the history of this column. I found it in Blockade Boy's blog, where Robotman (the Golden Age character, not Cliff Steele) battles some dinosaurs, and the writer refers to one (possibly a triceratops) as a "rhinoceros". I know dinosaurs weren't that popular back then but...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"THEPHANTOM."

TITLE: The Phantom V7 (Moonstone).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Unknown ad designer.

DISSECTION: Text in an advertisement lacks several spaces, after commas, and joining the words "andJoel".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars. By the way, this one is also and old one.. but from this decade.
<-------------------------------->
End of this column, thanks for reading, thirteen dissections and an average of 6.2 Bazzars. Oh, you want the moments of the week? Sure, alright. First one, the future Christian Walker, from Powers, waits so long that he doesn't get old, he evolves:


And you complain when your girlfriend makes you wait for her! Then, homoerotic feel-ups between FDR and Winston Churchill:


Yeah, no thanks Frankie, I'd rather not feel you up... Last, and my favorite from this week, Norman Osborn drives home the point that the Green Goblin is NOT a Joker rip-off:


I love it how he made bombs out of ORANGE pendrives. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #65.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Watching was Charles the Dominator of family on TV--SUBMISSION OF NICOLE EGGERT!" The Head, All-New Atom #21.

Catching up as fast as possible; this is the first column dealing with books published in March, specifically, the week of 03/05. Last columns DT! was correctly spotted by "Mini-Dissector" himself, Snakebyte, as Data being referred to as a Lieutenant, instead of a Lieutenant Commander. Any geek, particularly any geek as geeky as Gordo (from KODT) knows that!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? Well, Best Book once again goes to Amazing Spider-Man, this time issue #552; as Brand New Day keeps moving along at a nice pace. Nice overall plot by the whole writing team, and although Bob Gale (co-writer and co-producer of the Back To The Future Trilogy, among other things, including some Batman and Daredevil comics) is not as fun to read as, say, Dan Slott, he does do a good job on his issues. Phil Jimenez delivers fantastic art, with great, distinct faces that let you know immediately who's who, and enhanced by Andy Lanning's inks. My only complain is that Jeromy Cox (first time I see him in Marvel book, that I recall) colors the issue a bit flatly, making it seem an issue from the mid-to-late-90s; when they traditional coloring and computer color separations; and not a modern comic, where all coloring is made by computer. By the way, I just realized that Stephen Wacker is crediting himself as "Stephen Whack Her"...

Worst Book Of The Week goes to Countdown Presents; Lord Havok And The Extremists 05 of 06. It's not BAD per se, but it wasn't a good comic either. Boring and predictable story by Frank Tieri, uninspired and low-detailed art by Liam Sharp and Mark Robinson, and flat colors (as with Cox, see above) by Dave Baron. Definitely a lackluster miniseries, this one, and in a week where I didn't ready any reaaaally bad books, this took the cake. Alright, time for the dissections!
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"THE INCREDIBLE SIZE-CHANGING BABY!"

TITLE: Cable V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).

DISSECTION: That damn Mutant Messiah baby keeps changing sizes, it's outrageous!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"SORRY, BUT YOU'RE NOT THE ONE..."

TITLE: Clandestine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05

CULPRIT: Alan Davis (writer).

DISSECTION: Adam Destine tells how, during the Crusades, he was the supposed fulfiller of a prophecy about a "red-haired infidel"... only he's clearly blonde, both currently, and in the flashback panels.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Tom Chu (probably the cover colorist).

DISSECTION: Mary Marvel's lightning is yellow on the cover.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"THAT, TOO."

TITLE: DC Special: Raven (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Damion Scott (penciller).

DISSECTION: Raven's Tattoo is missing from her lower back. Granted, she could be hiding it somehow. Why does DC, incidentally, name this DC Special: Raven, instead of just Raven, or at least Raven: The Something? Beats me.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars. Also, her eyes are purple, when they should be blue, and in between mentions of pop culture "Avrill" is mentioned, presumably referring to "Avril Lavigne." (but that gets a veeeery low rating... just a 1).
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"DISBELIEVE!!!! DISBELIEVE!!!"

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 842.

CULPRIT: Peter Milligan (writer).

DISSECTION: Why has the notion of Batman not believing in mystical energies or objects taken such a deep root among writers? He's seen and fought numerous magic users, he's fought alongside Dr. Fate and is friends with Zatanna. Why can he doubt that a suit of armor can have magical properties?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"ULTIMATE GOOF-UP."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 64.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte called me on two mistakes, for one I wrote "The Ultimates 3 V1"; when I had actually said in the previous column "The Ultimates V3".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, I also called Liz Allan "Allen".
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"GREEN LAANTERN."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 28.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Salaak. Ugh!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"A SOUND DISSECTION."

TITLE: Logan (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Check out this panel, and FYI, this is Logan in WWII:


DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"PACKS ROMANA."

TITLE: Pax Romana (Image).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Hickman (writer) and/or unnamed letterer.

DISSECTION: The character "Nicholas" is referred to as "Nickolas" in one page.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"OH, OH, WHERE DID YOU LO-GO?"

TITLE: Powers V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 28.

CULPRIT: Michael Avon Oeming (artist).

DISSECTION: One character has a logo (presumably a Super Shock emblem) that comes and goes from his t-shirt.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"I DON'T ANYTHING HERE."

TITLE: The Sisterhood (Archaia Studios Press).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Christopher Golden & Thomas E. Sniegoski (writers) and/or Marshall Dillon (letterer).

DISSECTION: This one comes from Dominik B.: "On Page 10, the terrorist guy says “I don’t you who you are...” when there should quite probably be a verb instead of the first “you."

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MAGICAL MISTERY EURO-TOUR!"

TITLE: The Sisterhood (Archaia Studios Press).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Wellington Alves (artist).

DISSECTION: Dom also tells us that "Vienna doesn’t look anything like it’s shown on page 18. Europe isn’t this para-medieval wonderland full of castles and green forests. Vienna is actually a rather big city."

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, another lettering or writing error, reported by Dom as well; there are quotation marks without a reason in speech balloons on page 21.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S A BFG!"

TITLE: Teen Titans Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Karl Keschl (artist) and/or Amy Wolfram (writer).

DISSECTION: Look at the picture below, and you'll see that Kerschl not only neglected to correctly represent the famous sculpture called "Non-Violence" (part of the UN art collection at its headquarters in NYC, and usually called "Knotted Gun"), but he also decided (perhaps writer Amy Wolfram too) to make it gigantic, just so Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl could stand on it and look down at normal people. Not only did they enlarge it; they couldn't even get the shape of the base well, and numerous other details in the sculpture itself.


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE HELMETS ARE FEELING BLUE."

TITLE: Teen Titans Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Karl Keschl (artist) and/or Amy Wolfram (writer).

DISSECTION: The UN Headquarters in NYC have their own, civilian, security force; there's absolutely no deployment of "blue helmet" DPKO (Department Of Peacekeeping Operations) troops inside of it. Then why are DPKO troopers pointing assault rifles and other firearms at Wonder Woman?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, as far as I know, Aqualad did not have the power to command water at this point in his life, and this point in time, while wearing his original costume (with red gloves and boots); Green Arrow did not sport a beard.
<-------------------------------->
"GETTAOUTTAHERE!"

TITLE: The Twelve (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 12.

CULPRIT: J. Michael Straczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: It's the 21st century Marvel 616 Earth; why would anyone doubt a superhero's origin story? Regardless of that, I am enjoying this book immensely.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"GET OUT OF MY SITE!"

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 496.

CULPRIT: Will Panzo (assistant editor) and/or Nick Lowe (editor).

DISSECTION: Another one from Dominik; in the "previously" blurb, it reads “Cyclops found Iron Man at the sight of the ruined Xavier Mansion” when it should be “at the site".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AND WHAT'S A GALACTUS?"

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 496.

CULPRIT: Ed Brubaker (writer).

DISSECTION: Cyclops does not know what a Celestial is. However when he was in X-Factor, they encountered Celestials, and even LIVED IN A SHIP WHICH WAS OF CELESTIAL ORIGIN. Even if at the time he did not know what they were called; he should know by now.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So, we have 21 dissections in total, with an average of 4.9 Bazzars... lower than usual, but still higher than last time. Let's wrap up this column (with luck, I should be able to crank out another one before my shift ends, since it's a slow day at work) with the Moments Of The Week. Let us start with something we knew was coming, but still made me go "Whoa!":


Yup, a Red Lantern, and it's not a commie! I know Laira is not the first, but being a former GL, it's more shocking. Next up, Penance beats the crap out of Nitro:


Now that's what I call anger management!!! Lastly, the all grown-up son of Mr. E, one of the heroes from The Twelve, looks just like former Uruguayan president Jorge Batlle:


Yep, now we can be certain he's a comic book character, alright! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Nitpicker #35.

"Look at the Concorde: you used to be able to cross the Atlantic in three hours flat. Then the cunts stuck the future in a museum."

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

Sorry for missing out last week, so this week you'll get a double ration of The Nitpicker. I was sick, and didn't spend much time at the computer, plus all my notes were at my office computer, so, I wouldn't have been able to write this even if I wanted. The quote of the week comes from last week's The Boys #9, by Garth Ennis, and it comes from the mouth of Billy Butcher. It reflects that sentiment I've told you about that I have about progress and science.

Last column's Spot The Nit was a hard one, and nobody got it (though a million guesses where thrown at me). It was from issue 3 of 4 of Black Canary V3, and I even told you it was a pencilling mistake by Tom Derenick, that garnered 6 Bazzars. The nit in question was that Merlyn's gloves don't cover the fingers an archery glove should. An archer's glove covers the index, middle and ring finger (and then, only of the drawing hand). Merlyn is wearing gloves on both hands (which can be an aesthetic choice), and they cover his thumbs, index and middle fingers. Like I always said, a little research doesn't hurt. It took me less than five minutes to see many examples of archery gloves on a Google image search.

What were The Nitpicker's Picks for last week (well, the week before, actually)? Best book goes to Omega Flight #5 of 5, which wrapped up a great mini, which should have been an ongoing. Michael Avon Oeming penned a tight script, his only fault being that he's worked too much with Bendis and what could have been a two or three issue arc turned into a five-issue story. And the art team of Scott Kolins (penciller/inker) and Brian Reber (colorist), not to mention the VC's Cory Petit in charge of the lettering; well... what else is there to say than show you the two-page spread the book ends with:


The pick for worst week of the book goes to JLA: Classified #41. Again, it's a two-issue story that was expanded into five issues, and it's nowhere as good as Omega Flight was to get a pass. Carlos D'anda draws funnny (in the bad way) faces like the Superman below, and a team that should have no trouble at all taking Kid Amazo gets reduce to a bunch of whimpering idiots (such as having Green Lantern and Martian Manhunter almost cry when Batman and Superman are out for the count). And don't even get me started on Milligan's excuse for philosophical depth...


Ok, short intro this time, let's get on with the nits, shall we?
<-------------------------------->
"I ALSO BUILT BROTHER EYE, MY DEAR CHAP!"

TITLE: Batman Confidential.

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Michael Green (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: So, according to pages 7, 8 and 21 (among others), we're supposed to believe that Alfred is capable of building a computer that, in his own words interfaces "six different experimental, next-generation technologies simultaneously, not one of them fully tested...", even if "The qubits on the quantum chips seem dodgy at the current operating temperature... the neural net continues to mire in local minima and refuses to generalize beyond the training set...", and he is "building a machine that has never--not even in the imaginations of the engineers of its component parts--yet existed."

Of course, it's natural that he'd "win the bloody Nobel for it if it wouldn't compromise some of your (Batman's) more sensitive secrets." I'm willing to believe that Alfred, who was a spy and actor before being a butler, can teach Batman about disguises, acting, spy techniques, etc. I buy that he can have medical training enough to patch up Batman most of the times he's injured. I buy that he's even a great butler, to boot, and that, from working many, many years with Batman, he's at least familiar with all of Bruce's bat-tools... but this is too much.

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MY EYES USED TO BE BLUE, BUT ALL THE RADIATION FROM COMPUTER MONITORS TURNED THEM GREEN!"

TITLE: Batman Confidential.

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: I.L.L (colorists).

NIT-TO-PICK: Alfred's eyes, on page 8, are colored green, when he's part of the 99% of characters in superhero comics that have blue eyes, of course.

NIT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH IS A GREAT BEER...""

TITLE: Black Adam: The Dark Age.

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Dough Mahnke (penciller) and/or Nathan Eyring (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Page 5, panel two, Ted Grant, aka Wildcat, looks nothing like himself, but he also has completely brown hair, instead of his grey temples. Oh, thanks to the writer and letter of this book for writing "piñata" correctly.

NIT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, it goes up, even if it's a different colorist and book.
<-------------------------------->
"WE DON'T LIKE THAT COLOR."

TITLE: Black Adam: The Dark Age.

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Nathan Eyring (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: The US soldiers guarding Kahndaq's border with (presumably) Bialya, shown on pages 9 and 10, should be working as part of the UN's peacekeeping force (as are the soldiers later seen guarding the tomb of Isis and Osiris on page 11), yet they're wearing black berets, instead of UN blue berets. I don't even know (nor do I care at this point) if there's any US Army unit that actually wears black berets. Oh, by the way.. at the end of the book there's an ad for a Suicide Squad limited series written by John Ostrander... yeeeeeeessssssss!

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DOWN WITH GLOVE."

TITLE: Black Canary V3.

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Tom Derenick (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: Look at this page, you know it well if you read the previous Nitpicker issue. On the last panel Merlyn has a full glove, instead of one with only three fingers. Thanks to Tylo for spotting this, among the myriad wrong guesses for last column's Spot The Nit, even if it wasn't the nit I was looking for, I missed this one, so he gets a HNS Badge. Welcome to the HNS Corps, Ensign Tylo!


NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HAT TRICK."

TITLE: Countdown.

ISSUE: 39.

CULPRIT: Jim Calafiore (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: This nit is actually from last week's Countdown, and as much as Calafiore drew The Question correctly, and the colorist of last issue colored her well, they added a hat that was nowhere to be seen in #40's disgusting debacle, and it's gone again for issue 38.

NIT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IS LIGHTNING IN YOUR CHEST OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?"

TITLE: Countdown.

ISSUE: 38.

CULPRIT: Tom Chu (colors).

NIT-TO-PICK: Damn, it seems like Countdown has at least one nit every single week... and it's Tom Chu again!!!! On page 7, Mary Marvel's lightning emblem is colored wrong on panel four. Her lightning is yellow, with a different tone of yellow outlining it, yet on this panel, it's black with a yellow outline.

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT R YOU DOING?"

TITLE: Countdown.

ISSUE: 39.

CULPRIT: Jesus Saiz (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: From page 15 on, Robin's emblem is wrong, he has the one from his previous costume. See below, right, the emblem from his current costume, and on the left, the one they drew on this issue.


NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SPOT IT IF YOU CAN."

TITLE: Countdown.

ISSUE: 39.

CULPRIT: Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray (writers). It's doubtful that Paul Dini writes the actual script.

NIT-TO-PICK: Time to Spoooooooooooot The Niiiiiiiiiiiiit! Ok folks, this time it's a writing nit, but it's pretty blatant. Look at this page below and see if you can spot the nit.


NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PZYLOCKE."

TITLE: Exiles.

ISSUE: 97.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer) and/or Simon Bowland (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 4, Psylocke says her name is "Elisabeth", when her name is "Elizabeth".

NIT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT ARE HIS POWERS AGAIN?"

TITLE: Exiles.

ISSUE: 97.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: Page 6, it says that Longshot's powers are based on empathy, which is not true. Longshot can read recent memories from a person by touch, and has the power of psychometry, which does read emotional imprints left on an object; but he's never displayed anything like Empathy, and his other powers (luck, agility, etc) have nothing to do with empathy.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHATEVER HIS NAME IS..."

TITLE: Gen¹³ V6.

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 19, Freefall refers to Daybreaker as "that Midnighter guy"; granted, she could be referring to his counterpart in her universe, but it seems unlikely.

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MINDFREAK!"

TITLE: Green Arrow Year One.

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Andy Diggle (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 17, Hackett calls Ollie a "lone mentalist with a Robin Hood fixation"... Mentalist?!?!?!?

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PINK, IS MY FAVORITE COLOR..."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4.

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Moose Baumann (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Amon Sur's skin is colored pink, almost fuchsia on page 8, when Ungarans have red skin.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Come on Moose, I expected better of... no, actually I'm surprised there's no other coloring nits in the book.
<-------------------------------->
"I DYED IT AT SUPERSPEED, THEN BLEACHED IT AGAIN."

TITLE: JLA: Classified.

ISSUE: 41.

CULPRIT: I.L.L. (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Page 14, panel 4, Kid Amazo's hair is black instead of blond.

NIT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"O.N.E. M.O.R.E. T.I.M.E."

TITLE: Omega Flight.

ISSUE: 05 of 5 (I erroneously labeled it as a six issue miniseries in the past).

CULPRIT: Andy Schmidt & John Barber (editors) and/or Will Panzo (assistant editor), or whoever writes the recap pages.

NIT-TO-PICK: U.S.Agent, not USAgent.

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, for repeat offense.
<-------------------------------->
"THEM FUNKY LOOKING SPIKEY THINGIES RAPHAEL HAD."

TITLE: Outsiders: Five Of A Kind.

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Kevin Sharpe (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: The art and story this time is much better, but still, on page 3, one of the guys attacking Katana is wielding a pair of sai. Not only those are the worslt-drawn sai ever (they have an arrow shaped tip, and the central shaft is shorter than the handles, but the guy is holding them as you would hold knives. This is how you hold a sai:


You can strike with the pommel; and you can use them to parry swords or other weapons... that's why you hold them like this, not like knives.

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, a little research doesn't hurt, remember?
<-------------------------------->
"MARVEL, SHAZAM, IT'S THE SAME!"

TITLE: Outsiders: Five Of A Kind.

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 32, Batman refers to Billy Batson as "Marvel"... I refuse to believe that he doesn't know what's going on, that Billy is Shazam now.

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE POWERS THAT R."

TITLE: Powers V2.

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer) and/or Chris Eliopoulos (letterer).

NIT-TO-PICK: Page 2, panel 4, Detective Walker says "You're powers don't work here.", when it should be "Your powers..."

NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M DRAWING A BLANK HERE."

TITLE: Ultimate X-Men.

ISSUE: 85.

CULPRIT: Yanick Paquette (penciller) and/or Stephane Peru (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: In the spread on pages 4 and 5, Wolverine's eyes are completely white, with no pupils at all.

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"198, 197, 196..."

TITLE: X-Factor V3.

ISSUE: 22.

CULPRIT: Peter David (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 16, Josef Huber say that world mutant population has dropped to "198"; Marvel has said time and again that 198 is not an actual amount, but a figure of speech. Marvel's people said at the recent X-Men panel at WizardWorld Chicago that "The 198 is not a definite number, but 300 would be the upper limit.", and before that, at San Diego, Warren Ellis (who'll write Astonishing X-Men, yay for that) said "198 was the number of surviving mutants post-House of M, but, really, who did that count? I'm not saying that new mutants will be popping out of the woodwork, but there's some serious geopolitical blinkers happening, still. Do you really think Nigeria or Zimbabwe are capable or willing to count mutant heads?"

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
This week (this issue) we have just a regular 6.3 Bazzars average. Let me know if you spot the nit, you have until Thursday or Friday when I post the next column. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more nits, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE NITPICKER!