The Dissector #88.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Zombie Vs Zombie!" Only one can survive! Though technically, NEITHER HAS! Swee, Everybody's Dead #4.

Well, here I am. Still trying to catch up; this is the column for comics released on 08/13, and we inch a bit closer to... well, comics are still coming out, so nothing. Last column's DT! was spotted by The Guvnor, and it was indeed the fact that Wolverine's eyes are supposed to be blue, not brown. The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? Short and simple, Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo: The Dogs Of War #1; WWII and Atomic Robo? YES! Worst book of the week was The Last Defenders #6; a boring end to a boring mini. Now, read them dissections:
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"I DON'T KNOW WHAT DATE IT IS ANYMORE!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 87.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: First things first! Or rather, in alphabetical order. I said last column that it was the first column for the month of July, when I of course meant August, since it was about comics published on 08/06.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, just to show you I'm not soft on myself.
<-------------------------------->
"ZOMBIE SPEECH IMPEDIMENT."

TITLE: Everybody's Dead (IDW Publishing).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Brian Lynch (writer) and/or Chris Mowry (letterer).

DISSECTION: Great final issue, almost was Best Book Of The Week. For some reason, Zombie Mosby says "cu it ou" instead of "cut it out"; something not consistent with his zombie speech patterns.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"KEEPIN' IT CASUAL."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 27.

CULPRIT: Luke Ross (penciller).

DISSECTION: Soranik Natu is missing her GL emblem in a panel.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"WATCHIE THISIE!"

TITLE: Green Arrow/Black Canary (DC)

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).

DISSECTION: Again, the Italian assassin shows he's not really Italian. He says "osservi" to mean "look"; but it actually means "looking".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S A SKRULL!!!!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Inhumans (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Guru FX (colorist).

DISSECTION: Black Bolt's hair is colored light brown, instead of black as it should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ANOTHER SKRULL!!!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Runaways/Young Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Christina Strain (colorist).

DISSECTION: CeeCee! After all the trouble you went through to tell us how Victor's eyes were green, you go and colored them brown?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, and it's not higher because I know you just made honest-to-Galactus mistake here, or someone sabotaged your colors.
<-------------------------------->
"MORE SKRULLS!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Cary Nord (artist).

DISSECTION: Colossus in his unarmored form is drawn too big compared to other characters. Also, thanks to Dominik (who makes Lieutenant Commander in the HDSC), who checked the German in Nightcrawler's dialogues and found it wrong, in two counts, as I thought. I might not speak German, but I can sure be suspicious of writers...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"OHMAGAUZAEMOARSKRULLZ!!!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05 of 08.

CULPRIT: Laura Martin & Emily Warren (colorists).

DISSECTION: Clint Barton's eyes are colored brown, when they should be (as with 99% of comic book characters) blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"HE'S WEARING MAKE-UP."

TITLE: Trinity (DC).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller).

DISSECTION: Red Arrow is missing his tattoo on his right bicep, and the armband he usually has to conceal it. So actually, this is two dissections.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for the tattoo.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTION ORIGINS."

TITLE: X-Men Origins: Jean Grey (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mike Mayhew (artist).

DISSECTION: Spot me this one...


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"COLOMBIA: LESS OF A COUNTRY THAN BARATARIA."

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: Apart from all the language dissections (Spanish, as well as English and French too!), there's an historical one. Yes, I know this is an alternate history, but still, some things are just mistakes. Jean Lafitte says he's a privateer certified by the state of Colombia. In the moment this story happens (young Diego de la Vega returns to California), there is no such thing as "the state of Colombia". Lafitte had a letter of marque from Cartagena de Indias; today a city part of Colombia, but in that time an independent state.

The name "Colombia" was coined by was conceived by the Francisco de Miranda as a reference to all the New World, especially to those territories under Spanish and Portuguese rule. The name was only adopted by what we know today as Colombia in 1819, when the Republic of Colombia was formed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Still, "yarr!" for pirates (because "yay" is not very pirate-y), since it was TLAPD recently. Happy Talk Like Pirate Day, mateys!
<-------------------------------->
"SORRO."

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: There's seventeen language dissections in this issue; one in English, one in French, and the rest in Spanish. The worst one in Spanish (the rest are tildes and the like) is writing grandmother as "abulea" instead of "abuela".

Speaking of Zorro; while researching the previous dissection, I found out that Zorro Productions, Inc., thinks that it's Dynamic Forces that's making the comic, instead of Dynamite Entertainment. I've e-mailed both companies (Zorro and Dynamite), to let them know.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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Thirty-one dissections gives us an average of 6.7 Bazzars, figured it'd be around that. Now, the Moments Of The Week! First up, Booster might be the world's greatest hero, but he still can't help himself:


Heh! Then, robots in flip-flops and swimming trunks, who can resist!


I want those flip-flops... Next, a new joint opens in Oa:


It's Warriors, space edition! And last, Professor X is a creepy, dirty old man:


Remember when he would mope about his romantic feelings for Jean Grey, who not only was his student, but had also been his patient, and less than half his age? Yeah, ew. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #87.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Four hundred years have passed, and they're still a foul, ugly nation of drunks. Too stupid and inbred to see themselves as the narrow-minded plebs that they are." The demon Tuma'el about the English, Hellblazer Presents: Chas - The Knowledge #2.

Now, you'll forgive the somber note, but I didn't want to start this column without sending my prayers to Jim H. and his family. Jim, a former writer for ICS.net is in serious condition (formerly critical, so at least he's getting better) in the hospital, after being stabbed thirteen times by a lowlife. You can read the whole story here, but the short version is that Jim was at a club with his wife when they saw a guy get rough on a girl, so he jumped to her defense, driving the scumbag away. When they left the club some time later, he was ambushed by the guy and a friend; and while Jim could subdue the first bastard, the other one stabbed him numerous times. They're now in police custody and awaiting trial; I really hope Jim gets better.

Sorry about that bleak start, let me get on with column, but keep Jim in your prayers. I ask all Brits reading this column to forgive me, but the Quote Of The Week was just too good to pass up. Now, this is the first column for the month of July (dayamn, I'm behind!), for books from 08/06; plus a few golden oldies to fill the quota. Last column's DT! was solved by Lucas Siegel (who gets his second badge); and it was the fact that next to Dani Moonstar's image on the screen, you could see the letters "MA"; and whether you call her "Moonstar" or "Mirage", "MA" didn't fit.

What about The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? Well, Best Book Of The Week goes to Hellblazer Presents: Chas-The Knowledge #2; as it continues to give us a great story with interesting turns to Constantine's world. Worst Book Of The Week is the Hawkman Special; completely useless and boring. Now, the dissections!
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"WEST COAST!"

TITLE: Avengers West Coast (Marvel).

ISSUE: 53.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer) and/or Bill Oakley (letterer).

DISSECTION: One of those blasts from the past, from December, 1989, and part of the Acts Of Vengeance event. In this case, "years" is used instead of "year's".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BACK WHEN STEVE WAS CAP. THE OTHER CAP."

TITLE: Captain America V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 342.

CULPRIT: Mark Gruenwald (writer) and/or Jack Morelli (letterer).

DISSECTION: Another golden oldie; from June, 1988; from the great saga where Cap resigns and becomes The Captain, while the future U.S.Agent, John Walker, takes over as Captain America for a while. Highly recommendable, but Gruenwald has Fer de Lance, one of the Serpent Society's thugs speak Spanish, and Diamondback answers her with some of the same language. Gruenwald and Morelli use opening exclamation marks; and they even attempt to have an "Ñ" for the word "español"... but they put the accent on the "O", which is not only wrong, but impossible for the Spanish language.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, but only because of their other efforts.
<-------------------------------->
"AND CURRENT CONFUSION."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 86.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: When I spoke of Billie Lumpkin, I said "(and current", when it should have been "(and current FF mail person)". Thanks to Snakebyte for noticing this; he just made Commander in the HDSC!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SONT C'EST MOTS..."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 86.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Jordan noticed that I wrote "mot" instead of "not" in the DT!. Thanks Ensign Jordan, and welcome to the HDSC! Sully also realized, but he told me after Jordan did.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN GOOD COMPANY."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 86.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I noticed this one myself; I omitted the company indicator from my JSA dissection.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLUE JAY WAY."

TITLE: Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 07.

CULPRIT: J. G. Jones (artist).

DISSECTION: Jay Garrick's costume. You know, in a couple of columns from now, I'm giving up on this one, since I'm also running out of titles for this particular dissection. Stay tuned.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HILL STREET BLONDES."

TITLE: Invincible Iron Man V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Frank D'Armata (colorist).

DISSECTION: Again, Maria Hill hair is colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"BEHOLD, THE MIGHT OF THE IMPERIAL KLINGON EMPIRE'S IMPERIAL ARMADA OF IMPERIAL SHIPS AND IMPERIAL WARRIORS!"

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: "The Imperial Chinese Empire"? Really, Chris? I understand imperial Chinese empire; as an expression... but "Imperial Chinese Empire" as an official name...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Morph, as usual... but there's light at the end of the tunnel, when in the letters page, Psylocke says that some Earth-1218 (that's ours) people insist on spelling her name "Elisabeth" instead of "Elizabeth".
<-------------------------------->
"MASS EFFECT."

TITLE: Queen & Country (Oni Press).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer) and/or John Dranski (letterer).

DISSECTION: The word "effect" is used instead of "affect". And yes, this is another golden oldie, but not as old as the others.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WOLVERINE: DISSECTING MADE SIMPLE."

TITLE: Wolverine: Killing Made Simple (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Beth Sotelo (colorist).

DISSECTION: Quite easy.


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So, we had ten dissections, and a Bazzar average of 5.1. Regular, I'd say. Before we leave, Moments Of The Week, starting with something hideous:


Artist Javier Aranda draws the ugliest Superman I've seen in a while... Then, a hair dyed Maria Hill pwns Tony Stark:


Good one, Maria, but keep your eyes peeled for Tony's peroxide overdose jokes. Then, a couple of Moments from the latest Knights Of The Dinner Table special. First, Gordo's handicapped, in a wheelchair, but he doesn't want to miss out on the paintball Assassin action. What will he do?


Of course, a Dalek tank! Then, Johnny K. doesn't let fatherhood prevent him from doing his favorite things:


Smoking, hitting on chicks, gaming, and covering the back of his fellow Knights. Oh, and I love his son's name!

Before we go, the latest updates on Jim's health (in case you didn't follow the link). From ICS.net's editor Dominik B.: "Update III: Jim had another surgery, which went over well. He's been awake quite a bit, but he will have to stay in hospital for a while longer. And he's been talking about life in general, and, of course, comic books. In other news, Jim wanted a cheeseburger, since the hospital food apparently isn't all that. Update IV: Good news, folks, Jim might be home by Friday, will be in bed for while longer, though. So far, wants a cheeseburger since hospital food apparently isn't all that."

That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #86.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"To look into this, I'll need to create a new field of human endeavor. Give me a couple of days." Mr. Fantastic, Fantastic Four: True Story #1.

Mein Gott, this column has been on hold for a lot of time! I had to stop writing this particular issue days ago; when it was almost finished. Let's see; last column's DT! was spotted by DrSilent first at the ICS.net, but I didn't say anything on the comments at my blog, so Lucas Siegel also guessed it, and I'm giving the badge to both. DrSilent is one badge away from being a Lieutenant, quite a fast rise for someone who's only been in the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps for the last two or three columns; and let us welcome Ensign Lucas Siegel to the Corps!

Before we move in to the rest of the column, I want to point out that the book "Teenagers From The Future"; where my essay about the Legion Of Super-Heroes costumes is included, is finally available through Amazon! It's also available on Barnes & Nobles, and those stores will carry it for a couple of months or so, until it's available through Diamond Distribution's Previews catalogue for you to ask your Friendly Local Comic Book store to order it for you. A must for all Legion lovers; more info in this post.

Self promotion out of the way, I have to tell you that this is the last column for the month of July, about books released on 07/30; these next two weeks at work should be quieter, so I should be able to get closer to catching up. Best Book Of The Week was the Amazing Spider-Man Extra!; it was just fun and provided a bit more of insight into the new Spidey status quo; as if a weekly book isn't enough! Worst Book Of The Week was, without a doubt, Superman/Batman #50. This ridiculous anniversary issue introduces the horrible notion that through a device built by Jor-El, Thomas Wayne (Batman's father, for those of you not paying attention to the last seventy years of comics) visits Krypton before both superheroes were born.

The part about Jor-El being convinced about Earth's potential as his son refuge place because of Wayne's strength of character is acceptable; but what kills me is the fact that all of Wayne Enterprises success (or at least, its resurgence since it apparently was at a low point never mentioned before) comes from Thomas Wayne (who was a medical doctor) reverse-engineering Kryptonian technology. What? As we say in my country; (literally translated, but you'll understand it) "we've been surpassed by the water). Couple that with horrible writing (stuff like Superman claiming that a shard of Kryptonian crystal is his only link to his world, as if he didn't encounter at least one piece of Kryptonian garbage every two weeks), and inconsistent and sub par art (I hate extra-sized issues that have art by five different pencillers and switch them between pages of the same story; they should use them to do different tales), this is a complete waste of the paper is printed on.

Having said that, let's move onto the dissections for this particular column:
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"WONDERBRA!"

TITLE: DC Special: Cyborg (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06

CULPRIT: Mark Sable (writer).

DISSECTION: Wonder Girl is called "Wondergirl".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"PROOFREADERS, I LACK THEM."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 85.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: DrSilent noticed that I applied great writing skills when I typed "is the one from are from the".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LIKE LIGHTNING."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3.

ISSUE: Annual #1.

CULPRIT: Dale Eaglesham (pinup penciller).

DISSECTION: Jay Garrick's costume, as usual...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"I AM SO EXSIGHTED!"

TITLE: Project Superpowers (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 05 of 07.

CULPRIT: Jim Krueger (writer) and/or Simon Bowland (letterer).

DISSECTION: The Target (that's his codename) was "sited" in Amsterdam. I don't know, if I was following him, I'd rather he'd been "sighted".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"FACE THE FACTS."

TITLE: Star Trek: Mirror Images (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: David Messina (artist).

DISSECTION: I'm enjoying this book, but what's with David Messina and not drawing people's faces?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LUTHOR FASHION."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 50.

CULPRIT: Unidentified penciller.

DISSECTION: Well, you already know what I think about this issue... but there's a total of seven dissections in it as well. I'm going to just comment on a couple. First, Luthor (or actually a hologram of him) is wearing one armor design on one page, and a different one the next... what gives? And no, don't come with that "it's a hologram, it might be fluctuating" BS...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HEY THERE, SPARKLY EYES."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 50.

CULPRIT: John Rauch (colorist).

DISSECTION: Batman identifies the Darkseid hologram as holding the piece Kryptonian tech that's generating the holograms, because of a "golden glow" in his eyes... but his eyes are glowing red...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE DRAKES."

TITLE: X-Men: Odd Men Out (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Roger Stern (writer, first story) and/or Dave Sharpe (letterer, first story).

DISSECTION: Iceman is called "Icemen" on one page.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"AAAAH.... MYSTERY!"

TITLE: X-Men: Odd Men Out (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Dave Cockrum (penciller)

DISSECTION: This one is hard, and it's mot a costume design, that's already counted separately:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NEW MUTANTS, NEW COSTUMES?"

TITLE: X-Men: Odd Men Out (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Dave Cockrum (penciller)

DISSECTION: Dani Moonstar's costume is incorrectly portrayed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Only fifteen dissections, and a measly average of 4.6 Bazzars. Sometimes I don't know whether I should be happy about low ratings, or sad... Moments Of The Week!!! First up, Spidey makes a joke for grown ups!:


That almost made the Quote Of The Week, but it wasn't as funny without the image. Second, trust James Kirk (mirror Kirk, that is), to find the best method to smuggle pieces for a secret device on board of the Pike helmed Enterprise:


Yes, baby, yes! He hid it in the clothes and most of the jewelry of three smoking hot Orion slave girls!!! And while Scotty assembles the device, Kirk... well, you get the picture. Next, writer Paul Cornell wrote an interesting first issue of Fantastic Four: True Story. I've never heard of him before, but Wikipedia tells me he wrote Captain Britain And MI: 13; and wrote Young Avengers Presents #4; both books I enjoyed, and he's written Doctor Who novels and audioplays; which I should check out. Anyhoo; he writes this fantastic (pardon the pun) scene for FF: True Story:


Stan Lee quality... Another scene from the same book; Willie Lumpkin's niece Billie (and current FF mail person) takes advantage of a catatonic Johnny Storm:


I wouldn't mind her doing that to me, I mean, look at her... Last, one more scene from FF: TS; Johnny Storm shows his deep understanding of classic literature:


Kevin Smith references get me every single time... That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Teenagers From The Future Finally Available From Amazon!

Yeah, shameless self-promotion, I know. But I just wanted to share the glee, as this is my second (well, third, if you count a local magazine) printed work, and it's the most important so far because it's about a subject dear to me; the Legion of Super-Heroes, and it's a scholarly (yeah, I wish :>) essay, rather than fanboy gushing. Although I am a fanboy! And it's finally available from Amazon; and it'll be soon be available from comic stores via Diamond Distribution.

It's a book celebrating the 50th anniversary of the LSH, this is the blurb from the publisher:

"For half a century, the Legion of Super-Heroes has occupied its own, vital corner of the DC Universe – and comics fandom. The Legion’s expansive cast, bizarre characters, futuristic setting, extended storylines, and elaborate continuity all set it apart from other super-hero comics.

This essay collection, from fans and scholars alike, is as diverse as Legion history. Essays examine significant runs (by Jim Shooter, Paul Levitz, and Keith Giffen); the Legion’s science, architecture, and fashion; the role of women, homosexuality, and race; the early Legion’s classical adaptations, teenage cruelty, and relation to the early Justice League; Lightning Lad’s death and resurrection; whether the Legion should be allowed to age; the Amethyst saga; the themes of the reboot Legion; and the so-called Threeboot’s relationship to adult adolescence and generational theory.

No Legion fan or comics scholar should go without this critical celebration of the Legion."

If you zoom in the back cover, you can see my name:


However, as you can see, the publisher decided to go with my real name (Martín A. Pérez) instead of my usual nom de plume. You can also see it in table of contents, included along with the foreword by Matt Fraction, in this preview. Mine is the essay entitled "Fashion From The Future, or, I Swear Computo Forced Me To Wear This!"