The Dissector #118.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Yuri is greatest hero of the Revolution and shit. Anyone who argues other the wise can eat asshole biscuits in Hell." Yuri, Ignition City #3.

This is the story of the continuing efforts of a man to catch up with his col... wait, I'm already caught up? Well, to quote the (not so) great Kitster Chanchani Banai "THAT IS SO WIZARD!" So, let's get on with the column for the week of 05/28; the DT! for the last column was cracked by, surprise, Snakebyte, who correctly pointed out that Blüdhaven was lacking the umlaut. You can't be hardcöre without an umlaut.

Let's move on to The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was, once more, Amazing Spider-Man #595; it has all we need: good art, great characterization, Peter worrying about his loved ones and being frustrated at not being able to take down Norman, and of course, Norman being a manipulative motherfucker, which is much better than just "ha-ha-ha-ha I'm crazy batshit Green Goblin!!!" You want an example of Norman's Palpatinic manipulations? Check out the Moments Of The Week at the end of this column. Oh, and by the way, how does Andy Lanning co-write about half a dozen books a month with Dan Abnett and still have time to ink this book (among others)?

Close second for Best Book Of The Week was the first issue of The Last Days Of Animal Man, but while the issue was good, it just lacked the awesomeness it required for Best Book. Still, a solid read with good writing by experienced pro Gerry Conway and nice art by Chris Batista. Read it.

Worst Book Of The Week was, unsurprisingly, Trinity #52... the only good thing about it is that it was the last issue. Kurt Busiek's and Fabian Nicieza's drawn out, weak, unimaginative plot, which could have been told in two or three issues, finally comes to a rest. How? Well, with a tying up of loose ends and a party at the Keystone Coffee Pier where both heroes and villains can chillax and have a drink, because, of course, since reality is re-arranging itself, nobody will remember secret identities that they shouldn't know. What?

Top that with four different artists, Mark Bagley, Mike Norton, Tom Derenick, and Scott McDaniel, who give the final issue a disjointed look. At best, the art is mediocre, and at worst, it's... well, this:


Eww.... Now, there was one good thing to come out of Trinity: Primat. Girly gorilla? Sold! Wait, no... I'm not a furry!!!


See, she's just fun and cute! You can't see it in that picture, but she's wearing pigtails! Okay, okay. Dissections...
<-------------------------------->
"WORLD WAR II OF FAKE LANGUAGES!"

TITLE: Airboy - 1942: Best Of Enemies (Moonstone).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).

DISSECTION: Ah, some nice WWII fun, with a good mixture of modern and retro art. Unfortunately, there are some errors; the German is mostly wrong (thanks to Dominik for that), as well as most of the Russian; thanks to Rodiath and his mother for checking the Russian language. Badges for all of them!

In particular, I wanted to highlight a scene in which Soviet mechanics talk in English, but inside brackets, meaning its translated from Russian or some other local language; but it's still written in "bad English", such as "Is no good."

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, having two artists in the book should make the editors mindful of having them follow the same character designs; Airboy gets a haircut between pages.
<-------------------------------->
"DANGER! WOLVERINE IMPOSTOR! WATCH OUT, SPIDEY!"

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 595.

CULPRIT: Chris Chuckry (colorist).

DISSECTION: Now, is it so hard to remember that Wolverine has blue eyes?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YOU'RE THE FIRST, THE BEST, THE ONLY PANTHER!"

TITLE: Avengers/Invaders (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11 of 12.

CULPRIT: Tom Brennan (assistant editor) and/or Stephen Wacker (editor).

DISSECTION: The Avengers and the Invaders are fighting alongside the Black Panther from the period; perhaps T'Chaka, although he shouldn't be alive then; whoever it is, it's certainly not "the original Black Panther" as the recap calls him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Also, why is the word "original" written with a capital "o"? And there's some bad German too (badge for Dominik), not to mention...
<-------------------------------->
"INVADING THIS AVENGING DISSECTION."

TITLE: Avengers/Invaders (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11 of 12.

CULPRIT: Steve Sadowski & Patrick Berkentotter (artists), maybe even Tom Mason (colorist).

DISSECTION: Catch this one, it's pretty simple.


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BATMAN IN BARCELÖNA."

TITLE: Batman In Barcelona: Dragon's Knight (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Steve Wands (letterer).

DISSECTION: Now, this issue is a bag of lame; while it's not bad, it's filler crap at its best. Writer Mark Waid puts in a few unbelievable ideas, such as Batman not being recognized outside of Gotham (Justice League, anyone?), or him not being able to sneak a utility belt through customs (he built Brother Eye, he has access to alien tech, and the best tech humanity has to offer); and there's a few Spanish language mistakes too.

However, what made me cringe were the accents on letters in Spanish or Catalá; I'm used by now (even if I hate it) to letterers making accented vowels smaller in languages like these, but Wands takes the cake here. Look at this couple of examples:


Not only are the accented letters about three quarters the size of the rest of the font (and almost half in some other cases), but also, he's made the accents as almost horizontal lines above the letters! Good God!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YES CAPTÄIN!"

TITLE: Battlefields: The Tankies (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Garth Ennis (writer).

DISSECTION: An officer of the SS is given (in a German dialogue) the rank of "Sturmbanfuhrer", when the rank should actually be "Sturmbannführer". Incidentally, this is the SS rank equivalent to a Wehrmacht (army) Major, and it translates as "Storm Unit Leader".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NOT HOLDING IT CORRECTLY, PER SAI."

TITLE: Dark Reign: Elektra (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Lee Bermejo (cover artist).

DISSECTION: Bermejo again has Elektra grip her sai on the cover incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE SNAKE AND THE DOE BYTE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 117.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Of course, Snakebyte finds dissections in my dissections. I had one typo that made a sentence sound weird; and most importantly, I credited Chris Claremont with creating Cecilia Reyes, when it was Scott Lobdell. Two badges for Snake.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. One badge for JohnnyDoe too, for finding that I had an extra "it" in the Cecilia Reyes dissection.
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S A STREET LEVEL KIND OF GUY."

TITLE: Gotham Gazette: Batman Alive (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Alex Konat & Mark McKenna (artists for the Harvey Bullock story).

DISSECTION: I doubt Commissioner Gordon's office is street level? Also, not a dissection, but using a year (2009) for the dates in newspapers and such is not a great idea in a superhero comic with sliding timelines.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLACK LANTERN."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 41.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi & Rod Reis (colorists).

DISSECTION: The circle of the emblem on Hal and John's costumes should be white, not black.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Thanks to Kal for noticing this, badge for him.
<-------------------------------->
"INCREDIBLE ACCENTS."

TITLE: Incredible Hercules (Marvel).

ISSUE: 129.

CULPRIT: Simon Bowland (letterer).

DISSECTION: Bowland, as usual, makes accented letters smaller, including those in the name of colorist Raúl Treviño. And I actually noticed these two when I was looking at the credits to see who the letterer was.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for each.
<-------------------------------->
"BLACK LANTERN RAGE!!!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Rags Morales (penciller).

DISSECTION: Ugh, I don't know if Rags Morales is just not putting any effort to these issues, or if the inker and colorists are destroying his art.

In any case, why the hell is John Stewart holding up his fist in "BLACK RAGE!" style to provide light with his ring? He can create a globe that floats with him, or light that spreads from his ring without him having to carry his fist like a torch...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Vixen's incredibly large hand is big enough to cover John Stewart's chest emblem, apparently.
<-------------------------------->
"MADAMA SHANADU."

TITLE: Madame Xanadu (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: As with Zorro, I'm enjoying this book by Wagner, but same as the aforementioned comic, this particular issue has several non-English language mistakes, all in Spanish, except for one in Latin.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for each. At least letterer Jared K. Fletcher can get accented letters right.
<-------------------------------->
"OKAY, SOMEONE IN WAKANDA JUST FARTED!"

TITLE: New Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 53.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: Brian, are we really supposed to believe that Wolverine's sense of smell is so good he can specify that a person is four blocks away, in the middle of a city, with brimstoney explosions

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Methinks this is an exaggeration.
<-------------------------------->
"NORTHALNDERS."

TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer).

DISSECTION: "Relfexes" instead of "reflexes".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OUT OF YOUR WORLDMIND."

TITLE: Nova V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Dan Abnett & Andy Lanning (writer).

DISSECTION: Ego/Worldmind says "Xanadarian" instead of "Xandarian".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DRAW HER ANY YOUNGER, AND SHE'LL BE A CRAWLAWAY..."

TITLE: Runaways V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Sara Pichelli (artist, "Mollifest Destiny").

DISSECTION: For the Nth time... Molly Hayes is not a midget, she's not five, she's a thirteen-year-old girl, who is NOT half as tall as Wolverine. Pichelli also draws her with short arms and facial features belonging to five-year-old kids...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Klara, although she's probably smaller than a modern pre-teen, due to her background, should not be as small as she's drawn, and should not change sizes between panels. Last, I thought Christina Strain had colored Molly's eyes incorrectly, but she confirmed that her eyes are indeed green. However (I'm sorry, CeeCee), she did color Klara's way too light in the first story.
<-------------------------------->
"LIGHT IN YOUR EYES."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 688.

CULPRIT: David Curiel (colorist).

DISSECTION: Dr. Light (Hoshi Kimiyo) has black eyes, but here they're colored brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RINGING ALAN SCOTT."

TITLE: Trinity (DC).

ISSUE: 52.

CULPRIT: Tom Derenick (penciller).

DISSECTION: Alan Scott's ring doesn't look like it should.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Vixen's costume is again colored brown.
<-------------------------------->
"SCALPED?"

TITLE: War Machine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak.

DISSECTION: War Machine, wanted under the Superhuman Registration Act, and whatever laws have put Norman Osborn in charge of H.A.M.M.E.R. and all that jazz, takes refuge in an Indian reservation; and apparently, he'll be safe inside the "rez", under tribal law. Uhm, no. Tribal law applies to everyday stuff, but someone who breaks Federal law is persecuted even inside reservation borders. If you have any questions, just ask my new to-go-guy for Tribal Law, Charles S. Aspinwall, Attorney At Law, Cowboy Of Regulations


And he kind of looks like my dad, but in a Cowboy Parallel Universe version!!!!! First my dad looks like a Sinestro Corps Member, then he looks like a Starfleet engineer... and now a Cowboy Lawyer!!! At least they share a profession (lawyer, not cowboy).

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. I had a dissection similar to this one, which only got 8 Bazzars, but this time around it's not about a tribal citizen avoiding charges for not being registered; but rather a fugitive fleeing Federal authorities by running into a reservation. Federal authorities (and particularly H.A.M.M.E.R.) would not stop at the "rez" border. Just ask Chuck Aspinwall.

On another note, I'd like to congratulate my dad for being named judge for the Inter-American Court of Human Rights. He's one of Uruguay's (and the Americas') top lawyers, a great teacher, father, and excellent person, and I'm very proud of him. He'll be rocking one of these snazzy robes, yet no wig. I think I'll get him a Green Lantern emblem so I can pretend he's a Guardian Of The Universe. CONGRATULATIONS DAD!!!
<-------------------------------->
"LE ACCENT, MA PETIT."

TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 224.

CULPRIT: Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: The accents in Gambit's French make the accented letters smaller, three times.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Well, a heap of dissections for this week, seventy-two, with an average of 6.6 Bazzars. Nice. Now, the Moments Of The Week, so I can put this column to bed. First up, Battlefields is good (well, except for Dear Billy), but Tankies is the best so far... look at this:


A chap in your tracks!!! Damn, that's priceless and I love it! Next, Norman Osborn's manipulations at its best:


So, Harry's (Goblin serum injected) girl has a (goblin serum fucked up) bun in her oven, courtesy of Harry... or Norman? Both of them with goblin serum in them, I bet! And finally:


Yes, finally! Gambit and Rogue finally, after around fifteen years, What they could have done with an inhibitor collar, or a five-buck bribe to Leech! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #117.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

05-06"I give you the one... the only... ... original reproduction of... ... the Nautilus!" Unnamed announcer, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Volume III: Century #1.

05-13"Relax. You're bridge crew. All gold and blue. (...) You're not red shirts, you two are fine. Security doesn't always make it home as much as you guys." Boyd, Star Trek: Mission's End #3.

05-20"Man, the guy's gotta be crazier than Norman Osborn's hairdresser." Ant-Man, about Ghost, Thunderbolts #132.

Well, it looks like I caught up! For how long? We'll see... This is the column for the first three weeks of May; as you can see in the quotes. Let's start with The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, shall we? The Best Book Of The Week for 05/06 was The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #593, as usual, a good read. Worst Book was Seaguy: The Slaves Of Mickey Eye #2... boring, inane crap disguised as "wacky". Best Book for 05/13 was Action Comics #877, showing that Action doesn't need Superman to work; while the Worst Book was Trinity #50... God, that series has been a huge failure...

Best Book Of The Week for 05/20 was the Sgt. Fury & His Howling Commandos one-shot; just some fun WWII adventure with more or less the same tone I'm enjoying in Atomic Robo. Worst Book was Superman/Batman #60... Lex Joker? ARGH!!! Also, I don't want to make a dissection out of this, but in X-Men Forever, Chris Claremont changed Gambit's name to Remy Picard... PICARD?!?!??! WTH?!?!!???!?!?

On a lighter note, nobody got the DT!, that's a pity. The dissection there was that both Sodam Yat and Arisia were referring to Scar, the corrupt Guardian Of The Universe as a "he", when Scar is female. Books indexed that don't get a write-up are: The Amazing Spider-Man V1, The Amazing Spider-Man Family, Angel: Blood And Trenches, Astonishing Tales V2, Marvel Mystery Comics 70th Anniversary Edition, New Mutants V3, Outsiders V2, Seaguy: The Slaves Of Mickey Eye, Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Romulans, Strange Adventures V2, Terror, Inc.: Apocalypse Soon, Thunderbolts, and Tiny Titans. And now, dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"BATTLE FOR THE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Batman: Battle For The Cowl (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Tony S. Daniel (writer) and/or Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).

DISSECTION: This one might be too easy.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, as usual, the Riddler's hair and eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"PLEASE, COME IN... NO! NOT YOU!"

TITLE: Captain Britain And MI13 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Paul Cornell (writer).

DISSECTION: So, Dracula and his cronies get into a house because they were outside it, listening in when the owner invited Pete Wisdom and his team? They weren't invited and they could still get in? WTF???

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"X-DISSECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 116.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte caught (as usual), one of my mistakes. I had the X-Factor/X-Terminators wrong; and the reference I check wasn't clear enough, I should have checked a second reference. To clarify, the five original X-Men used the X-Factor when they pretended to be mutant hunters, and as the X-Terminators they were a team of mutants. This lowers the average of the previous column to 6.4, and the amount of dissections to 73. My apologies to Kurt Busiek and Roger Stern.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, J. Corbin found some grammatical errors; achieving the rank of Lieutenant in the HDSC. Incidentally, I repeated one of those errors in this column, but the grammar checker caught it!
<-------------------------------->
"FIRESWRONG."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: Sturges write Firestorm as concerned for Martian Manhunter, calling him "J'onn", as if it was Ronnie Raymond, when it's Jason Rusch. Jason hasn't even served in the JLA alongside with J'onn, so this is out of character. On another note, he's also colored incorrectly, and there are several errors in John Stewart's costume.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN THIS FUTURE, SHE MARRIED HENK MCOY."

TITLE: GeNEXT: United (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Chris, you created the damn character, GET HER NAME RIGHT!!! It's "CECILIA", not "CECELIA". For the love of God, the name "Cecelia" doesn't even it exist.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"STEALING SPOCK'S CLOTHES."

TITLE: Star Trek: Mission's End (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Stephen Molnar (artist) and John Hunt (colorist).

DISSECTION: Why is Ambassador Sarek wearing a Starfleet uniform? Incidentally, Ambassador Cassidy wears a Starfleet uniform too, but since she was part of the original survey team to the planet, so she could be a Starfleet officer and a Federation ambassador at the same time (as unlikely as that would be).

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M SEEING WHO YOU ARE, RIGHT AT THE DNA LEVEL!"

TITLE: Supergirl V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 41.

CULPRIT: Sterling Gates (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm sorry, but I won't accept that Supergirl can read DNA with her microscopic vision.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ARMOR CLASS 10 (YES, I'M OLD SCHOOL)."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 510.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: Matt, why are you writing Armor as a scared little girl, when she's an X-Man that's proved herself time and again?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I WILL CONSIDERTAE YOUR PROPOSAL."

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: You know how I always rant about the Spanish language mistakes this book has? Well, now they can't even write in English... The word is "consideration", not "considertaion".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Of course, there are also thirteen Spanish dissections.
<-------------------------------->
This column had an average of 6.5 Bazzars, in forty-seven dissections. Now, let's go with the Moment Of The Week(s); first, with the Human Flame:


AKA Ron Jeremy? Next, Nick Fury gives cooking lessons:


And lastly, Tiny Titans continues to amuse:


He's the Main Man, so give me fifty push ups! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #114.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

02/11: "Yeah, dawg, I saw Galactus and Galactus is a PIMP. Who else be dressin' in a purple suit with a big tricked out hat like that? (...) Probably lookin' to put that fine Invisible Woman on the street." Street thugs, Galactus: The Real Story.

02/18: "Man, say what you want about me... Good looks, gravitas, iconic costume design. But man, does my timing el suck-o. They asked me to be an Avenger when I was in high school... I said now. They asked me when I was in college... and I said no. Young adult, nope. NOW I say yes. Now, when there's no mansion, no butler, no tower, no Quinjet, no big table with an "A" on it... I get to hide in fake Captain America's basement and wait for things like this. I truly am a genius." Spider-Man, New Avengers #50.

02/25: "You might feel a little prick--... wait, that came out wrong!" Ant-Man, Thunderbolts #129.

You'll notice there's three quotes of the week... yes, I know, because this is a special, rest-of-February column; and I'll try to write one for March, and one for April, to catch up. That said, I'll go quickly through The Dissector's Picks Of The Week(s). For the week of 02/11, the Best Book was R.E.B.E.L.S. #1; as a LSH-related book it caught my attention, and it's also very good... as I said when I found about it, Andy Clark's art is fantastic; unfortunately, issues 4 and 5 have been solicited with art by other people... I hope Clark returns. Worst Book of that week was Batman #686, Neil Gaiman tries to be Silver Agey and succeeds... in boring me.

Best Book for the week of 02/18 was Amazing Spider-Man #587; my love for BND ASM is no secret. Worst Book for that week was New Exiles #18; last issue of an unbearable pain... please Marvel, give Chris Claremont a pension package that doesn't allow him to write... On the other hand, Best Book for the week of 02/25 was Blue Beetle #36; another last issue, of a book I'll miss greatly. Luckily we'll still see Jaime in Teen Titans and in other places (like Brave And The Bold, occasionally). Worst Book Of The Week was Trinity #39... it's not particularly bad, but there wasn't anything worse this week.. yet Trinity is consistently bland and boring.

Nobody cracked the DT! from the last regular column... come on, it was very easy! If you look closely, Wolverine's not wearing gloves, yet he has the metal "exits" for his claws on the back of his bare hand. That's it, then, dissections! Oh, wait... you know how I usually give an entry to only the most glaring errors in a book, and reserve repeat errors in the same issue, or minor stuff as just a mention; and save them for the final counts of averages and the like? Well, in these emergency catch-up columns I'll flat out not give entries to entire issues. Suffice it to say that there were a lot of boring mistakes in the following books: Avengers Invaders, Batman, Blue Beetle, Doctor Doom And The Masters Of Evil, Justice Society Of America, Galactus: The Real Story, Mighty Avengers, Ms. Marvel, New Avengers, Sgt. Rock: The Lost Battalion, Supergirl, Superman/Batman, Tangent: Superman's Reign, The Phantom: Ghost Who Walks, Trinity, Vigilante, X-Men: Legacy, X-Men Origins: Sabretooth.

There, now you get dissections:
<-------------------------------->
"DECESIONS."

TITLE: Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 587.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: A cop confesses that they "deceded" to frame Spider-Man so they could "do jobs" (instead of "our jobs). Thanks to Snakebyte for noticing this, badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"SENSE YOUR FIRE!."

TITLE: Battlestar Galactica: Cylon War (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Joshua Ortega & Eric Nylund (writers).

DISSECTION: Admiral Ben Tanner orders the "sensation" of hostilities...

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE MANIPULATED OUR FEELINGS ABOUT HIM."

TITLE: Dark Reign Files (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Michael Hoskin (head writer/coordinator) or any of a number of writers not specifically credited for each profile.

DISSECTION: Among other mistakes, Daken's profile is missing his pheromone powers, which are what make him stand out from the original Wolverine.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN DISSECTED NIGHT!"

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Patrick Gleason (penciller).

DISSECTION: Easy one.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DUDE, YOU'RE RAD!"

TITLE: Hulk V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Jeph Loeb (writer).

DISSECTION: The Silver Surfer's name is given as Norrin "Rad", when it's Radd.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OH THAT? JUST A HOBBY."

TITLE: Outsiders V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: Geo-Force says he has no responsibilities to leave behind to join the Outsiders... WHAT ABOUT RULING AN ENTIRE COUNTRY!?!!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BOUNDARIES SCHMOUNDARIES."

TITLE: Star Trek: Countdown (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman, Mike Johnson & Tim Jones (writers).

DISSECTION: Well, there's several mistakes in this comics (ambassadors wearing Starfleet uniforms, science officers seating in navigation consoles, etc, etc). But the one that stands out the most is Data saying a Federation starship has authority to confiscate cargo inside Romulan territory.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DROID OF HOLDING."

TITLE: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Henry Gilroy (writer).

DISSECTION: An R2 unit has a 20cm x 8cm internal storage area (remember the one where R2 hid Luke's saber?), yet R2-D2 has space for three lightsaber, complete with a rack and launcher.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"JEWELRY."

TITLE: Titans V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Howard Porter (penciller).

DISSECTION: Whatever necklace Vixen is wearing, that's not the Tantu Totem.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NO A LA BLOQUEO!"

TITLE: Umbrella Academy: Dallas (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Gerard Way (writer) and/or Gabriel Bá (artist).

DISSECTION: Nice Cuban propaganda poster... if only you'd asked someone who actually spoke Spanish before making it.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CLOSE YOUR EYES."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 506.

CULPRIT: Terry Dodson (penciller).

DISSECTION: Cyclops needs to sleep with ruby quarts goggles on to avoid blasting the hell out of everything, including his woman, when he opens the eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Matt Fraction, what the hell is "Refugiados del mutante" supposed to mean?
<-------------------------------->
"FICTITIONAL GEOGRAPHY."

TITLE: Vixen: Return Of The Lion (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: G. Willow Wilson (writer).

DISSECTION: For the fifth time, Zambesi is the village, M'Changa is the country.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHETMAN."

TITLE: Whatmen (IDW).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Scott Lobdell (writer).

DISSECTION: Funny parody, but it should be "funeral" not "funereal".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FEMDROID?"

TITLE: Wildcats V5 (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Christos Gage (writer).

DISSECTION: Maxine to Spartan as an android, as if she's not one. Well, honey, you're human-shaped, that makes you an android.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S WOLVERINE, NOT CABLE."

TITLE: Wolverine: Manifest Destiny (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Stephen Segovia & Paco Diaz Luque (pencillers).

DISSECTION: What the hell is that one inch thick steel cable inside Wolverine's body?!??!


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I PREFER JUTIPER."

TITLE: Wonder Woman V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Gail Simone (writer).

DISSECTION: "Zues"?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I CHANGED MY MIND, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A PULSE ANYMORE."

TITLE: X-Force V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Craig Kyle & Christopher Yost (writers).

DISSECTION: Beautiful Dreamer (a mutant) is infected with the Legacy Virus, so her powers (manipulating memories) flare out of control; so she causes civilian deaths by "wiping their brains, making them forget to tell their hearts to beat". Well, your brain has absolutely nothing to do with your heart beat.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. I'm sure there's lots of other mutants they could have used. Few other mistakes, too, art-wise. Particularly, if you're going to do painted art, keep mind of what colors you're using on character's hair and such.
<-------------------------------->
"FORGET ABOUT THEM, THEY GOT MASSACRED, SO THEY DON'T COUNT. IT'S LIKE THE VIKING COLONY IN NORTH AMERICA."

TITLE: Young X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Marc Guggenheim (writer).

DISSECTION: First mutant nation, and it's not Genosha? Nope, not even in an alternate future... which is evidently based upon the present timeline.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"EAT MY SHORTS, SARGENT GARCÍA!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: You can spell words incorrectly, forget accents, fuck up font sizes, etc. But having an angry villain scream "AY, CARAMBA!"??!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. You know it's not the only mistake in this issue... it's just one of twenty nine.
<-------------------------------->
Well, I'm certainly taking my time writing this... the average was 6.4 Bazzars in 84 dissections... quite normal, all taken into consideration. And now, the Moments Of The Week(s)! First up, From 021/11, Harry falls off the wagon...


And on the glider! Next, Wolvie's happy memories:


Predictable, right? Week of 02/18, Nightwing causes cameltoe in mature ladies:


Well, his tights are tight... Then... she knows stuff, and she's back!


She's all grown up, lookither! Last, from 08/25, a shocking cartoon moment:


Holy shit, Batman and Blue Beetle just KILLED A DUDE!!! WTF??!?!?!?!? I cry bloody... digital murder, they're teaching our kids it's okay to kill artificial intelligences!!!

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #111.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I can't believe I need to explain why it's a bad idea, but then again I can't believe you thought sewing your head onto a monkey's ass was a good one." Star Lord, to Gorillaman, Guardians Of The Galaxy V2 #9.

Okay, I'm back with the column for dissections for the week of 01/21; and before going on with the column, I want to urge you to vote for the Autopsy Awards 2008; I know I've been absent, so that's why I'm giving you time to vote until the end of March... that, and there's a couple of categories that are tied; and I don't want to break the ties by Deus Ex Machina.

Last column's DT! was cracked by J. Corbin; and it was the fact that John Stewart doesn't wear gloves as part of his GL uniform. Another badge for you, Ensign Corbin! The Dissector's Picks Of The Week were as follows: Best Book Of The Week was Guardians Of The Galaxy #9; good cosmic hero fun.... without being a cosmic drag. These are people. In space. I like that. Worst Book Of The Week was almost a tie between Final Crisis #7 and Final Crisis: Superman Beyond #2; but Final Crisis #7 takes the "prize" just because it was an immensely crappy ending to a really badly written story... Dissections, away!
<-------------------------------->
"I AM ÜNTERVELMED."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 126.

CULPRIT: Swands (letterer).

DISSECTION: The "Ü" in Ünternet is smaller than the rest of the letters in one balloon, then a second time in the same page, it's the same size.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CAPTAIN AMERICA: THEATER OF WAR... DROBE CHANGES."

TITLE: Captain America Theater Of War: America The Beautiful (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Gary Erskine (artist).

DISSECTION: Captain America's costume is full of mistakes, he has the wrong shield; etc. I almost let this go as an alternate universe tale; but Marvel itself calls Theater Of War "a series chronicling the adventures that made Captain America the hero we know today", and it's not under any kind of banner like "Ultimate", "Mythos" or "Max", so I'll consider it 616. Erskine himself says that the design of Cap's costume was "a deliberate choice", but if it's a 616 story, his costume shouldn't have been changed at all.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for the costuming errors as a single one, but although I can't consider it a dissection (because it seems made as a wink), I wouldn't be so lenient with Baron Zemo being among a gathering of heroes in a soldier's funeral. I wouldn't even qualify it as an easter egg... he's in plain sight, sitting between Colossus and Spider-Man. What I will consider dissections are the facts that She-Hulk is only slightly taller than the Black Cat, and Thor is about the same size as Daredevil and everybody else... Also, I just noticed but... in one page the heroes have one seating arrangement, and then in the next, there's a close-up on Reed Richards and Sue Storm... and the heroes behind them aren't the same ones as before; in fact, Iron Man is seated next behind them, when in the previous page he was about three meters away!!!
<-------------------------------->
"TH DISSECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 110.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: J. Corbin spotted that last column I wrote "Vixen's not wearing he totem", when I meant "her totem". He wanted to give it just 1 Bazzar, so I'll go with that. And he gets another badge, two more and he reaches Lieutenant.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"DEATHSTROKE: THE DISSECTOR."

TITLE: Faces Of Evil: Deathstroke (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Georges Jeanty (penciller).

DISSECTION: This one is very simple:


DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CRISIS FINAL!"

TITLE: Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 07.

CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer).

DISSECTION: Again, Imán's Spanish is incorrect, though not as bad as before. Of course, this pales against the atrocity that is the actual script itself...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, the Green Lanterns complain about a 24-hours charge limit to their rings; which is no longer there. From #6, my friend Kal had told that in that issue, Barry Allen's chest emblem is reversed; and I forgot. J. Corbin reminded me, so a badge for both. There you go J., one more and you make Lieutenant.
<-------------------------------->
"BEYOND CRAP."

TITLE: Final Crisis: Superman Beyond (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman says that if he Ultraman touch, their matter and antimatter particles will annihilate each other... which is not true. Now, some people say this is not the same (or one of the several) Ultraman that has traded blows with Superman before... but I say this is just Grant Morrison's sloppy writing.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THAT'S NOT BARRY!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 29.

CULPRIT: Pete Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: Barry Allen's eyes are colored green, instead of blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AND THAT'S NOT BARRY, EITHER."

TITLE: The Lone Ranger & Tonto (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Brent Matthews & Neil Turitz (writers) and/or Romulo Fajardo Jr. (colorist).

DISSECTION: Mercury-poisoned people don't have green glowing eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SENIOR CITIZEN."

TITLE: Moon Knight V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Mike Benson (writer).

DISSECTION: Every time there's a comic set in Mexico or some other Spanish speaking place, I shudder. In this case, among other things, Benson has a Mexican character call Mark Spector "senior", instead of "señor".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Joe Caramagna, letterer and friend of this column, alternates correctly sized Ñs with smaller ones.
<-------------------------------->
"MYSTERIUS: THE UNACCENTABLE."

TITLE: Mysterius: The Unfathomable (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Saida Temofonte (letterer).

DISSECTION: Several accented vowels are smaller than the rest of the letters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MERELY A FLESH WOUND."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Tim Seeley (artist).

DISSECTION: Oy vey, I just read that there will be yet ANOTHER Exiles book... the good thing is that it will be written by Jeff Parker (Agents Of Atlas, etc). In this issue, Psylocke thinks "Sustain your focus, Betsy, keep the wounds closed.", yet there's no wounds visible on her. And her telekinesis is not fine-tuned enough to keep wounds closed without making a mess of them...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CLEAN START."

TITLE: Punisher: Frank Castle MAX (Marvel).

ISSUE: 66.

CULPRIT: Michel Lacombe (artist).

DISSECTION: A bare-chested Frank shows absolutely no old scars at all. Yes, he could have used some sort of miracle cure (magic, supertech, etc) to remove his scars, but I doubt it. Even if his scars disappeared during the time he was an angel (ugh), he'd still have a lot of them from the insanely huge amount of bullet hits and knife wounds he gets per story. Also, the Punisher's birthday is the same day as mine!

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN VULCAN YEARS, IT'S LONGER."

TITLE: Star Trek: Countdown (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Mike Johnson & Tim Jones (script) and/or Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman (plot).

DISSECTION: The trailers for the new Star Trek movie keep looking better and better, and the first two issues of this prequel book to the film are pretty good. The story starts in the present (for Star Trek continuity), some eight years after the last movie (Nemesis, 2379), namely in 2387. The only glaring mistake with the story is that Spock says that he's lived in Romulus for the past forty years; when he only moved there in the TNG episode Unification; which takes place in 2367, only twenty years earlier.

That said, writers Johnson and Jones craft a good story over the plot provided by movie scripters Orci and Kurtzman. That, coupled with the trailers I've seen, makes me thing the movie's gonna rock.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, the colorists gave Spock blue eyes instead of brown ones.
<-------------------------------->
"I KNOW HE'S FULL OF SHIT, BUT..."

TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).

ISSUE: 128.

CULPRIT: Frank Martin (colorist).

DISSECTION: Norman Osborn's eyes are colored brown, instead of blue, as they should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IS HE LIKE NORMAN?"

TITLE: Trinity (DC).

ISSUE: 40.

CULPRIT: Pete Pantazis (colorist).

DISSECTION: Hawkman's eyes should be blue, not brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ELECTRICITY, SOUND, WHATEVER..."

TITLE: X-Men: Kingbreaker (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Chris Yost (writer).

DISSECTION: A symbiote (a la Venom's) is said to be vulnerable to electricity, when symbiotes are vulnerable to fire and vibrations.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, it could be a variant species. There's also a small dialogue error, with a word missing when Lilandra tells Gladiator that Vulcan's way is not Shi'ar.
<-------------------------------->
"BUENOS AYRES, AUSTRALIA."

TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 220.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer) and/or Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Professor Xavier mentions "Ayres Rock" instead of Ayers Rock. Also, I'm not counting it as a dissection. but the site has been renamed with its aboriginal designation, Uluru, years ago... I doubt a man as educated as Xavier would miss that.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Well, a 6.2 Bazzars average in thirty two dissections, the usual. And now, Moments Of The Week Galore! First up, Ares' pick up methods are not that effective...


But they're funny. Then, Dr. Doom is not as nice as Tony Stark:


Fun homage. And speaking of Tony, what's Norman doing with his stuff now?


Yeah, that. Norman Osborn for President! Then, Hank Pym changes codenames and costumes... again.


Uh... More Avengers, this is a cheap shot:


But damn, it works! Then, a nice Trek moment:


Captain Data! It only took him a little under 50 years in Starfleet to reach that rank. Next, Ant-Man's new hideout:


Tricia Helfer's bosom!! I mean, Yelena Belova's. Coming up? Tiny Titan's lunch time!


Priceless... And finally, you know how DC's Faces Of Evil event, the villains "take over" the book, and for example, Lex Luthor's name replaces Superman's title on the comic cover. Well, look who's Vigilante's "Face Of Evil":


Scary... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #102.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Wait. I was slidin' down a pole... into a cave.. I was wearin' shorts an' pixie boots-- and this wasn't a dirty movie...?" Alternate reality Dick Grayson, Trinity #25.

Happy New Year everybody!!! I intended to post this column before the year ended, but I couldn't... so here it is, to welcome 2009... damn, already? Hope everyone had happy holidays; and the fat man in red was good to you. This is the column for comics published on the week of 11/19. Last column's DT! was subtle, so I didn't expect anyone to notice it... I numbered issue #191 of X-Men as #192 in a past column, then noticed it when I was writing about the actual #192 issue.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow; Best Book Of The Week was Amazing Spider-Man #578. I've said it, and I'll say it again, this book is a good read. Guest writer Mark Waid provides a good superhero tale, while artist Marcos Martin, along with colorist Javier Rodriguez create a suitable retro vibe, with Martin's ditkoesque art, and Rodriguez' simple but effective colors. Worst Book Of The Week was Ambush Bug: Year None #4... come on Giffen, this book was supposed to be funny! Now, the first dissections of the year:
<-------------------------------->
"GIVE ME SOME AIR."

TITLE: Air (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: G. Willow Wilson (writer).

DISSECTION: This is a good, if strange, book... supposed to be in the vein (spiritually, if not thematically) of other Vertigo books like Y: The Last Man... pick it up, it's a good read. First issue I've had to report dissections on; in this case, with scenes set in Mexico, there are two wrong uses of the Spanish language, the most annoying one the use of the word "vamanos" instead of "vamonos" (let's go). I can accept it from an American character trying to use Hispanic lingo; but not from a Mexican character.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DC MACHINATION."

TITLE: Ambush Bug: Year None (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Jann Jones (editor) and/or Chris Conroy (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: The DC Nation column and Hot List This Week are a few weeks old.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OUTSOURCING LANTERNS."

TITLE: The Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: David Hine (writer).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan and the Phantom Stranger go to aid Orlan, Green Lantern of Space Sector... 3897?!?!?!?!? Hine, if you wanted to write Green Lantern, you should have done your homework... the Guardians divide the Galaxy into 3600 sectors...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Colorist Brian Reber gives Hal white boots... ew...
<-------------------------------->
"CHALLENGE OF THE SUPERDISSECTION."

TITLE: DC Super Friends (DC).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Heroic Age (colorist).

DISSECTION: See if you can spot it, young friend:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN THE FUTURE, YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER EYE COLOR YOU WANT."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America Kingdong Come Special: Magog (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Starman's eyes should be brown, not green. On another note... he makes that beard look good!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BRING IN THE IDAHO GHOLA!"

TITLE: Moon Knight V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Mike Benson (writer).

DISSECTION: Iron Man calls Dum Dum Dugan "Duncan". Yeah...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Dum Dum Dugan refers to Maria Hill as "Director Hill"; when she's Commander Hill. She could be referred to as "Director" when she was Deputy Director in Tony Stark's absence; but Dum Dum is talking directly to Tony.
<-------------------------------->
"EL PUNISHOR!"

TITLE: The Punisher V7 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 64.

CULPRIT: Gregg Hurwitz (writer).

DISSECTION: "Buenas dias" is not right in Spanish Gregg, it's "Buenos dias"... also, your letterer has to watch out for accented letters in Spanish words: they should be the same size as the other letters, not smaller to accommodate the tilde.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OW... I STEPPED ON A ROCK..."

TITLE: Rann/Thanagar Holy War (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 08.

CULPRIT: Ron Lim (penciller) and/or John Kalisz (colorist).

DISSECTION: With one issue to go, why would Animal Man wear his boots?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S AN ADD FROM THE 31ST CENTURY!"

TITLE: Tiny Titans (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Jann Jones (editor) and/or Simona Martore (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: Rub it in, wouldja? An add for Legion Of Super-Heroes In The 31st Century, when the book's last issue was published the week before, with the caption "Monthly!"?!?!?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YOUNG AND UNTANNED..."

TITLE: Young X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: José Villarubia (colorist).

DISSECTION: Apart from mistakes in a Spanish name by the writer; Villarubia colors Dani Moonstar (a Native American) and Sunspot (mixed race Brazillian) as having Caucasian skin colors, exactly the same between them, and as Cyclops... To top that, he colors their eyes a very light blue, when they both have brown eyes; and a light blue for Dust, who also has brown eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Come on, coupled with artist Rafa Sandoval making Sunspot seem almost Asian, you can't even tell which characters they're supposed to be unless they tell you...
<-------------------------------->
Now, a 7.1 Bazzars average in nineteen dissections is a very good end of the year. Now, the Moments Of The Week; first up, Dan Didio takes the heat:


Heh... and then, NORMAN FOR PRESIDENT!!!


It's not coincidental that he does a V sign with both hands, a la Nixon... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #92.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Think Sadie. Think... What would the Beastie Boys do? SABOTAGE, BABY!" Sadie Hawkings, Young Liars #7.

Here we are with the column for comics released on the week of 09/10; I'll start by apologizing, since I was wrong. The DT! is dissection at all... I thought the verb "to lie" was being used incorrectly. My bad; and the average actually goes down to 3.5...

The Dissector's Picks OF The Week are quite simple so I'll keep it simple; Best Book Of The Week is Star Trek: Mirror Image #3; a good look at the mirror universe Picard, while Worst Book Of The Week was the deplorable ending to an overall boring book, GeNext #5. Your dissections, as follows:
<-------------------------------->
"FIRE!"

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 571.

CULPRIT: Dan Slott (writer).

DISSECTION: The Radioactive Man raises the radiation levels "until the air around (anti-Venom) ignites in flames"... I don't know a lot about radiation, but nothing I can see tells me that that's even possible.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. If I'm wrong, and someone can scientifically argue that it is possible, I will retract, but I think it's a ball of baloney.
<-------------------------------->
"SPECIAL EFFECTS."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 88.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I just noticed I credited Guru as Guru FX, when it's Guru EFX or eFX.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M LAYING."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 91.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: So I screwed up, and cried "dissect this!" when there was nothing to dissect... the worst thing was confusing the verb usage.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"..."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Jordan D. White (assistant editor) & Mark Paniccia (editor).

DISSECTION: Morph.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PRAYING IN ALL THE WRONG LANGUAGES,"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (writer).

DISSECTION: A Skrull device tells Nightcrawler "lasset uns beten", for "let us pray together, but I checked with my friend Santiago and "lass uns beten" is the right phrase, or even "lass uns zusammen beten".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BOLT OF HAIR DYE."

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Inhumans (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: Guru EFX (colorist).

DISSECTION: Again, Black Bolt's hair is colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FAKE MOON RISING."

TITLE: Star Trek: Romulans The Hollow Crown (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).

DISSECTION: The Romulan Praetor speaks about a "third moon" of Romulus, and there's no such thing. Romulus has one moon in canonical sources, and semi-canonical sources has it with two.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars; there's no need for that.
<-------------------------------->
"ROMULAN DISSECTION EMPIRE."

TITLE: Star Trek: Romulans The Hollow Crown (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer).

DISSECTION: This one is definitely wrong, I promise!


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S STILL NOT A COSTUME."

TITLE: Trinity (DC).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller).

DISSECTION: Wonder Girl's boots and pants are drawn incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THICK AND RICH."

TITLE: Wolverine: Saudade (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Jean-David Morvan (writer).

DISSECTION: Wolverine's claws are definitely not "less than a millimeter thick".

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DAS MAGENTIKTESTAMENTEN."

TITLE: X-Men: Magneto Testament (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak (writer).

DISSECTION: Dominik once more comes to my German-language assistance: "The German in this book is garbage. So much for historical accuracy. “Ich habe deußtscher Mädchen geßchändet” is just plain horrible. If you boldly claim that you did historical research and all that, you can’t tell me that you didn’t figure out how to spell “Deutsche” or “geschändet.” You should at least have come across the word “Rassenschande” and “Deutsches Reich” at those places you reference in the back of the book. Seriously, if you just pretend to speak German after listening to Rammstein Songs and talking to that old Nazi that lives in the trailer park near you, you don’t go around talking big that you did serious research.

For all those interested, the Esszett is a letter exclusive to Germany and is basically a substitute for the Double-S. So it’s not “Missachtung” (disrespect), it’s “Mißachtung.”" And that's what I call a guest rant... as for the book, I was scared that an origin story for Magneto would be horrible, but except for the wrong German usage, it was pretty good.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for each of the mistakes.
<-------------------------------->
So this makes for a 7.4 Bazzars average in fifteen dissections, much more "healthy", innit? Well, here are the Moments Of The Week. First up, Wonder Woman's apetastic advisors:


Funny! Then, "my god has a hammer":


Great scene! And for our ending:


You don't mess with Norman Osborn while using equipment you swiped from him! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #88.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Zombie Vs Zombie!" Only one can survive! Though technically, NEITHER HAS! Swee, Everybody's Dead #4.

Well, here I am. Still trying to catch up; this is the column for comics released on 08/13, and we inch a bit closer to... well, comics are still coming out, so nothing. Last column's DT! was spotted by The Guvnor, and it was indeed the fact that Wolverine's eyes are supposed to be blue, not brown. The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? Short and simple, Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo: The Dogs Of War #1; WWII and Atomic Robo? YES! Worst book of the week was The Last Defenders #6; a boring end to a boring mini. Now, read them dissections:
<-------------------------------->
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT DATE IT IS ANYMORE!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 87.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: First things first! Or rather, in alphabetical order. I said last column that it was the first column for the month of July, when I of course meant August, since it was about comics published on 08/06.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, just to show you I'm not soft on myself.
<-------------------------------->
"ZOMBIE SPEECH IMPEDIMENT."

TITLE: Everybody's Dead (IDW Publishing).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Brian Lynch (writer) and/or Chris Mowry (letterer).

DISSECTION: Great final issue, almost was Best Book Of The Week. For some reason, Zombie Mosby says "cu it ou" instead of "cut it out"; something not consistent with his zombie speech patterns.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"KEEPIN' IT CASUAL."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 27.

CULPRIT: Luke Ross (penciller).

DISSECTION: Soranik Natu is missing her GL emblem in a panel.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WATCHIE THISIE!"

TITLE: Green Arrow/Black Canary (DC)

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).

DISSECTION: Again, the Italian assassin shows he's not really Italian. He says "osservi" to mean "look"; but it actually means "looking".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S A SKRULL!!!!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Inhumans (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Guru FX (colorist).

DISSECTION: Black Bolt's hair is colored light brown, instead of black as it should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ANOTHER SKRULL!!!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Runaways/Young Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Christina Strain (colorist).

DISSECTION: CeeCee! After all the trouble you went through to tell us how Victor's eyes were green, you go and colored them brown?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, and it's not higher because I know you just made honest-to-Galactus mistake here, or someone sabotaged your colors.
<-------------------------------->
"MORE SKRULLS!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Cary Nord (artist).

DISSECTION: Colossus in his unarmored form is drawn too big compared to other characters. Also, thanks to Dominik (who makes Lieutenant Commander in the HDSC), who checked the German in Nightcrawler's dialogues and found it wrong, in two counts, as I thought. I might not speak German, but I can sure be suspicious of writers...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OHMAGAUZAEMOARSKRULLZ!!!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05 of 08.

CULPRIT: Laura Martin & Emily Warren (colorists).

DISSECTION: Clint Barton's eyes are colored brown, when they should be (as with 99% of comic book characters) blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S WEARING MAKE-UP."

TITLE: Trinity (DC).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller).

DISSECTION: Red Arrow is missing his tattoo on his right bicep, and the armband he usually has to conceal it. So actually, this is two dissections.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for the tattoo.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTION ORIGINS."

TITLE: X-Men Origins: Jean Grey (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mike Mayhew (artist).

DISSECTION: Spot me this one...


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"COLOMBIA: LESS OF A COUNTRY THAN BARATARIA."

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: Apart from all the language dissections (Spanish, as well as English and French too!), there's an historical one. Yes, I know this is an alternate history, but still, some things are just mistakes. Jean Lafitte says he's a privateer certified by the state of Colombia. In the moment this story happens (young Diego de la Vega returns to California), there is no such thing as "the state of Colombia". Lafitte had a letter of marque from Cartagena de Indias; today a city part of Colombia, but in that time an independent state.

The name "Colombia" was coined by was conceived by the Francisco de Miranda as a reference to all the New World, especially to those territories under Spanish and Portuguese rule. The name was only adopted by what we know today as Colombia in 1819, when the Republic of Colombia was formed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Still, "yarr!" for pirates (because "yay" is not very pirate-y), since it was TLAPD recently. Happy Talk Like Pirate Day, mateys!
<-------------------------------->
"SORRO."

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: There's seventeen language dissections in this issue; one in English, one in French, and the rest in Spanish. The worst one in Spanish (the rest are tildes and the like) is writing grandmother as "abulea" instead of "abuela".

Speaking of Zorro; while researching the previous dissection, I found out that Zorro Productions, Inc., thinks that it's Dynamic Forces that's making the comic, instead of Dynamite Entertainment. I've e-mailed both companies (Zorro and Dynamite), to let them know.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Thirty-one dissections gives us an average of 6.7 Bazzars, figured it'd be around that. Now, the Moments Of The Week! First up, Booster might be the world's greatest hero, but he still can't help himself:


Heh! Then, robots in flip-flops and swimming trunks, who can resist!


I want those flip-flops... Next, a new joint opens in Oa:


It's Warriors, space edition! And last, Professor X is a creepy, dirty old man:


Remember when he would mope about his romantic feelings for Jean Grey, who not only was his student, but had also been his patient, and less than half his age? Yeah, ew. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!