The Dissector #118.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Yuri is greatest hero of the Revolution and shit. Anyone who argues other the wise can eat asshole biscuits in Hell." Yuri, Ignition City #3.

This is the story of the continuing efforts of a man to catch up with his col... wait, I'm already caught up? Well, to quote the (not so) great Kitster Chanchani Banai "THAT IS SO WIZARD!" So, let's get on with the column for the week of 05/28; the DT! for the last column was cracked by, surprise, Snakebyte, who correctly pointed out that Blüdhaven was lacking the umlaut. You can't be hardcöre without an umlaut.

Let's move on to The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was, once more, Amazing Spider-Man #595; it has all we need: good art, great characterization, Peter worrying about his loved ones and being frustrated at not being able to take down Norman, and of course, Norman being a manipulative motherfucker, which is much better than just "ha-ha-ha-ha I'm crazy batshit Green Goblin!!!" You want an example of Norman's Palpatinic manipulations? Check out the Moments Of The Week at the end of this column. Oh, and by the way, how does Andy Lanning co-write about half a dozen books a month with Dan Abnett and still have time to ink this book (among others)?

Close second for Best Book Of The Week was the first issue of The Last Days Of Animal Man, but while the issue was good, it just lacked the awesomeness it required for Best Book. Still, a solid read with good writing by experienced pro Gerry Conway and nice art by Chris Batista. Read it.

Worst Book Of The Week was, unsurprisingly, Trinity #52... the only good thing about it is that it was the last issue. Kurt Busiek's and Fabian Nicieza's drawn out, weak, unimaginative plot, which could have been told in two or three issues, finally comes to a rest. How? Well, with a tying up of loose ends and a party at the Keystone Coffee Pier where both heroes and villains can chillax and have a drink, because, of course, since reality is re-arranging itself, nobody will remember secret identities that they shouldn't know. What?

Top that with four different artists, Mark Bagley, Mike Norton, Tom Derenick, and Scott McDaniel, who give the final issue a disjointed look. At best, the art is mediocre, and at worst, it's... well, this:


Eww.... Now, there was one good thing to come out of Trinity: Primat. Girly gorilla? Sold! Wait, no... I'm not a furry!!!


See, she's just fun and cute! You can't see it in that picture, but she's wearing pigtails! Okay, okay. Dissections...
<-------------------------------->
"WORLD WAR II OF FAKE LANGUAGES!"

TITLE: Airboy - 1942: Best Of Enemies (Moonstone).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Chuck Dixon (writer).

DISSECTION: Ah, some nice WWII fun, with a good mixture of modern and retro art. Unfortunately, there are some errors; the German is mostly wrong (thanks to Dominik for that), as well as most of the Russian; thanks to Rodiath and his mother for checking the Russian language. Badges for all of them!

In particular, I wanted to highlight a scene in which Soviet mechanics talk in English, but inside brackets, meaning its translated from Russian or some other local language; but it's still written in "bad English", such as "Is no good."

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, having two artists in the book should make the editors mindful of having them follow the same character designs; Airboy gets a haircut between pages.
<-------------------------------->
"DANGER! WOLVERINE IMPOSTOR! WATCH OUT, SPIDEY!"

TITLE: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 595.

CULPRIT: Chris Chuckry (colorist).

DISSECTION: Now, is it so hard to remember that Wolverine has blue eyes?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YOU'RE THE FIRST, THE BEST, THE ONLY PANTHER!"

TITLE: Avengers/Invaders (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11 of 12.

CULPRIT: Tom Brennan (assistant editor) and/or Stephen Wacker (editor).

DISSECTION: The Avengers and the Invaders are fighting alongside the Black Panther from the period; perhaps T'Chaka, although he shouldn't be alive then; whoever it is, it's certainly not "the original Black Panther" as the recap calls him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Also, why is the word "original" written with a capital "o"? And there's some bad German too (badge for Dominik), not to mention...
<-------------------------------->
"INVADING THIS AVENGING DISSECTION."

TITLE: Avengers/Invaders (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11 of 12.

CULPRIT: Steve Sadowski & Patrick Berkentotter (artists), maybe even Tom Mason (colorist).

DISSECTION: Catch this one, it's pretty simple.


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BATMAN IN BARCELÖNA."

TITLE: Batman In Barcelona: Dragon's Knight (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Steve Wands (letterer).

DISSECTION: Now, this issue is a bag of lame; while it's not bad, it's filler crap at its best. Writer Mark Waid puts in a few unbelievable ideas, such as Batman not being recognized outside of Gotham (Justice League, anyone?), or him not being able to sneak a utility belt through customs (he built Brother Eye, he has access to alien tech, and the best tech humanity has to offer); and there's a few Spanish language mistakes too.

However, what made me cringe were the accents on letters in Spanish or Catalá; I'm used by now (even if I hate it) to letterers making accented vowels smaller in languages like these, but Wands takes the cake here. Look at this couple of examples:


Not only are the accented letters about three quarters the size of the rest of the font (and almost half in some other cases), but also, he's made the accents as almost horizontal lines above the letters! Good God!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YES CAPTÄIN!"

TITLE: Battlefields: The Tankies (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Garth Ennis (writer).

DISSECTION: An officer of the SS is given (in a German dialogue) the rank of "Sturmbanfuhrer", when the rank should actually be "Sturmbannführer". Incidentally, this is the SS rank equivalent to a Wehrmacht (army) Major, and it translates as "Storm Unit Leader".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NOT HOLDING IT CORRECTLY, PER SAI."

TITLE: Dark Reign: Elektra (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Lee Bermejo (cover artist).

DISSECTION: Bermejo again has Elektra grip her sai on the cover incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE SNAKE AND THE DOE BYTE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 117.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Of course, Snakebyte finds dissections in my dissections. I had one typo that made a sentence sound weird; and most importantly, I credited Chris Claremont with creating Cecilia Reyes, when it was Scott Lobdell. Two badges for Snake.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. One badge for JohnnyDoe too, for finding that I had an extra "it" in the Cecilia Reyes dissection.
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S A STREET LEVEL KIND OF GUY."

TITLE: Gotham Gazette: Batman Alive (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Alex Konat & Mark McKenna (artists for the Harvey Bullock story).

DISSECTION: I doubt Commissioner Gordon's office is street level? Also, not a dissection, but using a year (2009) for the dates in newspapers and such is not a great idea in a superhero comic with sliding timelines.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLACK LANTERN."

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 41.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi & Rod Reis (colorists).

DISSECTION: The circle of the emblem on Hal and John's costumes should be white, not black.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Thanks to Kal for noticing this, badge for him.
<-------------------------------->
"INCREDIBLE ACCENTS."

TITLE: Incredible Hercules (Marvel).

ISSUE: 129.

CULPRIT: Simon Bowland (letterer).

DISSECTION: Bowland, as usual, makes accented letters smaller, including those in the name of colorist Raúl Treviño. And I actually noticed these two when I was looking at the credits to see who the letterer was.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for each.
<-------------------------------->
"BLACK LANTERN RAGE!!!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Rags Morales (penciller).

DISSECTION: Ugh, I don't know if Rags Morales is just not putting any effort to these issues, or if the inker and colorists are destroying his art.

In any case, why the hell is John Stewart holding up his fist in "BLACK RAGE!" style to provide light with his ring? He can create a globe that floats with him, or light that spreads from his ring without him having to carry his fist like a torch...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Vixen's incredibly large hand is big enough to cover John Stewart's chest emblem, apparently.
<-------------------------------->
"MADAMA SHANADU."

TITLE: Madame Xanadu (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: As with Zorro, I'm enjoying this book by Wagner, but same as the aforementioned comic, this particular issue has several non-English language mistakes, all in Spanish, except for one in Latin.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for each. At least letterer Jared K. Fletcher can get accented letters right.
<-------------------------------->
"OKAY, SOMEONE IN WAKANDA JUST FARTED!"

TITLE: New Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 53.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: Brian, are we really supposed to believe that Wolverine's sense of smell is so good he can specify that a person is four blocks away, in the middle of a city, with brimstoney explosions

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Methinks this is an exaggeration.
<-------------------------------->
"NORTHALNDERS."

TITLE: Northlanders (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Brian Wood (writer).

DISSECTION: "Relfexes" instead of "reflexes".

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"OUT OF YOUR WORLDMIND."

TITLE: Nova V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Dan Abnett & Andy Lanning (writer).

DISSECTION: Ego/Worldmind says "Xanadarian" instead of "Xandarian".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DRAW HER ANY YOUNGER, AND SHE'LL BE A CRAWLAWAY..."

TITLE: Runaways V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Sara Pichelli (artist, "Mollifest Destiny").

DISSECTION: For the Nth time... Molly Hayes is not a midget, she's not five, she's a thirteen-year-old girl, who is NOT half as tall as Wolverine. Pichelli also draws her with short arms and facial features belonging to five-year-old kids...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Klara, although she's probably smaller than a modern pre-teen, due to her background, should not be as small as she's drawn, and should not change sizes between panels. Last, I thought Christina Strain had colored Molly's eyes incorrectly, but she confirmed that her eyes are indeed green. However (I'm sorry, CeeCee), she did color Klara's way too light in the first story.
<-------------------------------->
"LIGHT IN YOUR EYES."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 688.

CULPRIT: David Curiel (colorist).

DISSECTION: Dr. Light (Hoshi Kimiyo) has black eyes, but here they're colored brown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RINGING ALAN SCOTT."

TITLE: Trinity (DC).

ISSUE: 52.

CULPRIT: Tom Derenick (penciller).

DISSECTION: Alan Scott's ring doesn't look like it should.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Vixen's costume is again colored brown.
<-------------------------------->
"SCALPED?"

TITLE: War Machine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak.

DISSECTION: War Machine, wanted under the Superhuman Registration Act, and whatever laws have put Norman Osborn in charge of H.A.M.M.E.R. and all that jazz, takes refuge in an Indian reservation; and apparently, he'll be safe inside the "rez", under tribal law. Uhm, no. Tribal law applies to everyday stuff, but someone who breaks Federal law is persecuted even inside reservation borders. If you have any questions, just ask my new to-go-guy for Tribal Law, Charles S. Aspinwall, Attorney At Law, Cowboy Of Regulations


And he kind of looks like my dad, but in a Cowboy Parallel Universe version!!!!! First my dad looks like a Sinestro Corps Member, then he looks like a Starfleet engineer... and now a Cowboy Lawyer!!! At least they share a profession (lawyer, not cowboy).

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. I had a dissection similar to this one, which only got 8 Bazzars, but this time around it's not about a tribal citizen avoiding charges for not being registered; but rather a fugitive fleeing Federal authorities by running into a reservation. Federal authorities (and particularly H.A.M.M.E.R.) would not stop at the "rez" border. Just ask Chuck Aspinwall.

On another note, I'd like to congratulate my dad for being named judge for the Inter-American Court of Human Rights. He's one of Uruguay's (and the Americas') top lawyers, a great teacher, father, and excellent person, and I'm very proud of him. He'll be rocking one of these snazzy robes, yet no wig. I think I'll get him a Green Lantern emblem so I can pretend he's a Guardian Of The Universe. CONGRATULATIONS DAD!!!
<-------------------------------->
"LE ACCENT, MA PETIT."

TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 224.

CULPRIT: Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: The accents in Gambit's French make the accented letters smaller, three times.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Well, a heap of dissections for this week, seventy-two, with an average of 6.6 Bazzars. Nice. Now, the Moments Of The Week, so I can put this column to bed. First up, Battlefields is good (well, except for Dear Billy), but Tankies is the best so far... look at this:


A chap in your tracks!!! Damn, that's priceless and I love it! Next, Norman Osborn's manipulations at its best:


So, Harry's (Goblin serum injected) girl has a (goblin serum fucked up) bun in her oven, courtesy of Harry... or Norman? Both of them with goblin serum in them, I bet! And finally:


Yes, finally! Gambit and Rogue finally, after around fifteen years, What they could have done with an inhibitor collar, or a five-buck bribe to Leech! That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #117.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

05-06"I give you the one... the only... ... original reproduction of... ... the Nautilus!" Unnamed announcer, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Volume III: Century #1.

05-13"Relax. You're bridge crew. All gold and blue. (...) You're not red shirts, you two are fine. Security doesn't always make it home as much as you guys." Boyd, Star Trek: Mission's End #3.

05-20"Man, the guy's gotta be crazier than Norman Osborn's hairdresser." Ant-Man, about Ghost, Thunderbolts #132.

Well, it looks like I caught up! For how long? We'll see... This is the column for the first three weeks of May; as you can see in the quotes. Let's start with The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, shall we? The Best Book Of The Week for 05/06 was The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #593, as usual, a good read. Worst Book was Seaguy: The Slaves Of Mickey Eye #2... boring, inane crap disguised as "wacky". Best Book for 05/13 was Action Comics #877, showing that Action doesn't need Superman to work; while the Worst Book was Trinity #50... God, that series has been a huge failure...

Best Book Of The Week for 05/20 was the Sgt. Fury & His Howling Commandos one-shot; just some fun WWII adventure with more or less the same tone I'm enjoying in Atomic Robo. Worst Book was Superman/Batman #60... Lex Joker? ARGH!!! Also, I don't want to make a dissection out of this, but in X-Men Forever, Chris Claremont changed Gambit's name to Remy Picard... PICARD?!?!??! WTH?!?!!???!?!?

On a lighter note, nobody got the DT!, that's a pity. The dissection there was that both Sodam Yat and Arisia were referring to Scar, the corrupt Guardian Of The Universe as a "he", when Scar is female. Books indexed that don't get a write-up are: The Amazing Spider-Man V1, The Amazing Spider-Man Family, Angel: Blood And Trenches, Astonishing Tales V2, Marvel Mystery Comics 70th Anniversary Edition, New Mutants V3, Outsiders V2, Seaguy: The Slaves Of Mickey Eye, Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Romulans, Strange Adventures V2, Terror, Inc.: Apocalypse Soon, Thunderbolts, and Tiny Titans. And now, dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"BATTLE FOR THE DISSECTION."

TITLE: Batman: Battle For The Cowl (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Tony S. Daniel (writer) and/or Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).

DISSECTION: This one might be too easy.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, as usual, the Riddler's hair and eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"PLEASE, COME IN... NO! NOT YOU!"

TITLE: Captain Britain And MI13 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Paul Cornell (writer).

DISSECTION: So, Dracula and his cronies get into a house because they were outside it, listening in when the owner invited Pete Wisdom and his team? They weren't invited and they could still get in? WTF???

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"X-DISSECTOR."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 116.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte caught (as usual), one of my mistakes. I had the X-Factor/X-Terminators wrong; and the reference I check wasn't clear enough, I should have checked a second reference. To clarify, the five original X-Men used the X-Factor when they pretended to be mutant hunters, and as the X-Terminators they were a team of mutants. This lowers the average of the previous column to 6.4, and the amount of dissections to 73. My apologies to Kurt Busiek and Roger Stern.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, J. Corbin found some grammatical errors; achieving the rank of Lieutenant in the HDSC. Incidentally, I repeated one of those errors in this column, but the grammar checker caught it!
<-------------------------------->
"FIRESWRONG."

TITLE: Final Crisis Aftermath: Run (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: Sturges write Firestorm as concerned for Martian Manhunter, calling him "J'onn", as if it was Ronnie Raymond, when it's Jason Rusch. Jason hasn't even served in the JLA alongside with J'onn, so this is out of character. On another note, he's also colored incorrectly, and there are several errors in John Stewart's costume.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN THIS FUTURE, SHE MARRIED HENK MCOY."

TITLE: GeNEXT: United (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Chris, you created the damn character, GET HER NAME RIGHT!!! It's "CECILIA", not "CECELIA". For the love of God, the name "Cecelia" doesn't even it exist.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"STEALING SPOCK'S CLOTHES."

TITLE: Star Trek: Mission's End (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Stephen Molnar (artist) and John Hunt (colorist).

DISSECTION: Why is Ambassador Sarek wearing a Starfleet uniform? Incidentally, Ambassador Cassidy wears a Starfleet uniform too, but since she was part of the original survey team to the planet, so she could be a Starfleet officer and a Federation ambassador at the same time (as unlikely as that would be).

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M SEEING WHO YOU ARE, RIGHT AT THE DNA LEVEL!"

TITLE: Supergirl V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 41.

CULPRIT: Sterling Gates (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm sorry, but I won't accept that Supergirl can read DNA with her microscopic vision.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ARMOR CLASS 10 (YES, I'M OLD SCHOOL)."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 510.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: Matt, why are you writing Armor as a scared little girl, when she's an X-Man that's proved herself time and again?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I WILL CONSIDERTAE YOUR PROPOSAL."

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: You know how I always rant about the Spanish language mistakes this book has? Well, now they can't even write in English... The word is "consideration", not "considertaion".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Of course, there are also thirteen Spanish dissections.
<-------------------------------->
This column had an average of 6.5 Bazzars, in forty-seven dissections. Now, let's go with the Moment Of The Week(s); first, with the Human Flame:


AKA Ron Jeremy? Next, Nick Fury gives cooking lessons:


And lastly, Tiny Titans continues to amuse:


He's the Main Man, so give me fifty push ups! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #116.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

04-01: "Trust me--The Age Of Stryfe pretty much makes The Age Of Apocalypse look like The Age Of Rebecca Of Sunnybrook Farm." Deadpool, Cable V2 #13.

04-08: "This room looks like I think." Rag Doll, Secret Six V3 #8.

04-15: "Fucking rabbit shit. All that bloating and production for four fucking pellets." Lightning Bowman, Ignition City #1.

04-22: "I'm a time-traveler standing on a burning planet that's falling into a hole in space while talking to a sorcerer. At this point I believe in everything." Major Victory, Guardians Of The Galaxy V2 #13

04-29: "I'm Charles Fort. My partner here is Howard Phillips Lovecraft. Unusual facts find me and unusual... THINGS find him." Charles Fort, Atomic Robo And The Shadow From Beyond Time #1.

Atomic Robo is so full of win... like I said before, it's the heir to Hellboy's crown in the weird adventure realm... more on the weird science side of the road than the weird occult side; but still. This is the column for all books in the month of April, and part of my ongoing effort in catching up.

Last column's DT! was spotted by DrSilent, who correctly pointed out that Longshot has four fingers and one thumb, instead of three of the former and one of the latter. DrSilent, badge for you, three more and you make Lt. Cmdr.

Now, The Dissector's Picks for each Week. Week of 04/01, Best Book was the Marvel Assistant-Sized Spectacular #1; a good anthology of short stories; while the Worst Book was Teen Titans V3 #69... it hasn't lived up to expectations lately, and this issue was just plain bad. Best Book for the week of 04/08 was Dark Reign: Hawkeye... nothing special, but some nice psycho fun with Bulls/Hawk/eye. Worst Book for that week was Titans V2 #12... the art in this book is not cutting it, and the story's nothing out of the ordinary.

Best Book for the week of 04/15 was, as it is often, The Amazing Spider-Man V1 #591... that book is just S.O.L.I.D.; and Worst Book was Star Wars: The Clone Wars #5... which is just B.L.A.N.D., a waste of paper and ink. Week of 04/22 has Kick Ass #6 as Best Book, and Hulk V3 #11 as the Worst Book. Hulk would SMASH if he read his own comic...

Lastly, week of 04/29's Best Book was, unsurprisingly, Atomic Robo And The Shadow From Beyond Time #1... I mean, Robo, Charles Fort, HP Lovecraft, Tunguska... the only thing missing here is Nikola Tesla himself!!! Worst Book for that week was, out of the blue, Ms. Marvel V2 #38... a crappy story about why the Dark Avengers Ms. Marvel (aka Moonstone, aka etc) is so evil and crap...

Since this is a catch up column for a whole month of books, lots of books got dissected, but get no write ups, namely: Angel, Angel: Blood And Trenches, Astonishing Tales V2, Avengers/Invaders, Batman Confidential, Cable V2, Captain America Theater Of War, Captain America Comics, Dark Reign: The Cabal, Final Crisis: Legion Of Three Worlds, Flash: Rebirth, G.I. Joe: Cobra, Hellblazer, Justice League Of America V2, Seaguy: The Slaves Of Mickey Eye, Star Trek: Mission's End, Superman/Batman, Superman: World Of New Krypton, The Authority V4, Titans V2, Trinity, Uncanny X-Men, Vigilante V3, Wolverine: Origin Of An X-Man, and Wolverine: The Anniversary. Now, dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"BILBO COBBLEPOT"

TITLE: Batman-Battle For The Cowl: The Underground (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Pablo Raimondi (artist)

DISSECTION: Yes, we know Penguin is supposed to be short, but he's not a damn hobbit!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, as usual, Riddler's eyes and hair are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"EX LIBRIS."

TITLE: Battlestar Galactica: Cylon War (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Joshua Ortega & Eric Nylund (writers).

DISSECTION: The colony is called "Libran", not "Libris"... despite the latter name being incorrectly used in issue 3 of the now-defunct Battlestar Galactica: The Official Magazine.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, the word "Agreed" is missing the first letter in a sentence.
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"ANDROID: ADJ. POSSESSING HUMAN FEATURES. N. AN AUTOMATON IN THE FORM OF A HUMAN BEING."

TITLE: Booster Gold V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (writer).

DISSECTION: Goldstar calls Skeets an "android"... she's from the 25th century, that's like someone today calling a motorbike a truck... Michelle 's not an idiot, and even under distress, you don't call a bike a truck, no matter what.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Jurgens had another character refer to Skeets as an android last issue; so this gets a higher rating than it normally would. You know what? Fuck it, Jurgens has twenty-five years of experience in the comic book industry, particularly in superhero comics, which are undeniably related to scifi, and he still doesn't know the definition of the word "android"? This gets 8 Bazzars now!
<-------------------------------->
"AS THE YEARS GO V-I."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 115 and several previous issues spanning back to 2007.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte correctly noticed that last column I labeled X-Factor as V4, when it's V3. Even though he gets a badge, I'm disappointed, I expected better of him... last time I labeled it correctly was in 2007...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, just for the continuous error.
<-------------------------------->
"I AM MAGNETO, NOT SOME PUNK!"

TITLE: Dr. Doom And The Masters Of Evil (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Paul Tobin (writer).

DISSECTION: Okay, I've hated this particular plot device for AGES, yet I'd never actually seen it in a comic book, at least not since I started writing The Dissector (I've seen it in cartoons, too): Magneto is not helpless before plastic sentinels, or sentinels programmed specifically to combat him: HE JUST MAGNETIZES STUFF AROUND HIM, LIKE VEHICLES, BUILDINGS, BOULDER-SIZED CHUNKS OF GROUND AND SMASHES THEM AGAINST THE FUCKIGN ROBOTS!!! For God's sake, the man controls one of the fundamental forces of the UNIVERSE!!!

Random Bigot: Now you will fall, Magneto! You are facing my new plastic/ceramic/anti-magnetism whatever sentinels!!!!

Magneto: Oh, sentinels. How quaint. *throws eighteen wheeler truck filled with petrol and sentinel goes BOOM*

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Yeah, poor Tobin just got slammed by one of my pet peeves.
<-------------------------------->
"IN DISSECTED DAY..."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 35.

CULPRIT: Peter J. Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: See if you can spot this one; if you haven't been following the storyline (not necessarily GL, but the whole of DC for the past couple of years), you might not be able to:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
""

TITLE: Marvels: Eye Of The Camera (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek & Roger Stern (writers).

DISSECTION: X-Factor and X-Terminators make their appearance on the scene; and in case you're not in the know, X-Factor was comprised of the five original X-Men; and in their guise of the X-Terminators, they pretended to be mutant hunters... however, the writers here get it the other way around.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"I KNOW, LET'S PAINT "CÁNADA" ON THE SIDE OF THE EMPIRE STATE!"

TITLE: Mighty Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Rafa Sandoval (penciller).

DISSECTION: The Avengers fight a villain in Buenos Aires, and a building has the word "Uruguay" painted on the side. Now, as unlikely as this is, it's not impossible... but you don't spell my country's name as "Úruguay"...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Though thanks for trying, Rafa.
<-------------------------------->
"ENCYCLOPEDIA OF DOOM!"

TITLE: Thor V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 601.

CULPRIT: J. Michael Straczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: *sigh* Why must writers make characters mention modern stuff to be hip and show the public they are "down with things". AND WHY THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT DOCTOR DOOM DOES NOT KNOW WHAT A WINKLE IS, AND THAT NOT KNOWING, HE WOULD CHECK WIKI-FUCKING-PEDIA!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Out of character, much? Also, I refuse to believe that Doom keeps his subjects "malnourished"... Doom provides for his people!!!
<-------------------------------->
"MAN OUT OF TIME."

TITLE: X-Men: The Times And Life Of Lucas Bishop (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Duane Swierczynski (writer).

DISSECTION: So, Bishop arrives in the X-Men's time, and it's the "early nineties"? Duane, ever heard of the "sliding timeline" Marvel uses? If Bishop arrived in the early nineties, then this doesn't fit with Marvel's timeline.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"BUENAS MUCHACHOS."

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: You know how you save the worst or the best for last? Well, guess which one is this... The usual assortment of Spanish language mistakes; both from Wagner and from Bowland; but the worst is confusing the gender of words. "Good day" is "buenos dias" o "buen dia", not "buenas dias", and "good night" is "buenas noches", not "buenos noches". GRRR!!! I really hate that Wagner keeps insisting on using Spanish, and failing at that, because the art and story are good!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Only a total of sixteen dissections in this issue, though... pretty good.
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So April has an average of 6.5 Bazzars in a total of seventy-four dissections. Moments Of The Weeks? Plenty of them, starting with some funk:


Right on! Then, douchiness:


That Tony! Lies on videotape, but no sex:


He's fast... Then, avert your eyes:


Don't say I didn't warn you! Now, if you're done scrubbing the back of your eyes with steel wool, a much awaited return:



Because sometime, a Legion needs more than one Superdude. Last, Bullseye makes some nice conversation with his boss:


Yeah, I've been wondering what's with the hair too... and it seems genetic, I mean, look at Harry... And last, more Doom, coming full circle:


Now, some might stop and point out that Doom is being selfless, in his own twisted way... but I will point out that up until now he did have regrets and guilt? Uh-oh...

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

BIG FAVOR REQUEST: Eagle Awards Nominations

Dear friends and acquaintances. I need a favor; nominations are open for the Eagle Awards, prestigious comic book awards. They're write-in, and I'd like to ask if you can vote in two projects I'm part of:

1) Category "Favourite Comics-Related Book", Teenagers from the Future: Essays on the Legion of Super-Heroes

2) Category "Favourite Comics-Related Website", http://www.independentcomicssite.net/

It's imperative to use the same case sensitive text, so the easiest thing is to copy and paste the text above into the form. You don't have to vote for the rest of the categories, so don't worry. The form's located at: http://eagleawards.co.uk/nomination.aspx and there's time to vote until Friday, May 22nd (sorry, I learned about this just today).

Thank you very much!