The Dissector #144.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"(...) your total and utter stupidity!! (...) When I asked you to sign our release form, you put down "Pisces"! You once told us to meet you at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk"! I caught you studying for your blood test! Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupidity! You're a completely dim ignorant vacuous imbecilic idiot braindead cretinous moron!!" Outlaw scientist about Rhino's intelligence, or lack thereof, seconds before being impaled on the newly minted villain's larger horn.

Welcome to the column for comics released on 12/09, which I'm writing while listening to Richard Cheese's "Silent Nightclub" (a Christmas album). Gotta love Richard Cheese... First of all, and on a comics related not, let me apologize to David Gallaher, writer of Hulk: Winter Guard, who dropped by the comment section of my last column, and disputed my claim that there was some fake Russian in his book. My apologies, I took note of the word "ponchiki" because I didn't know it, and then, when writing the column, without the comic book in front of me, just my notes, I didn't notice that I had typed "pochiki". I couldn't find that word anywhere, even with alternate spellings (but alas, never the right one), so I marked it as a made up word. Honestly, when I was writing it, I thought "the rest of the Russian looks flawless, I should go back and check if I took note of the word correctly"... but I didn't. The average for last column stays the same, though, the math added up to the same 6.3 figure.

JohnnyDoe correctly cracked the DT!; there were too many Earths in the Bleed when Swift was in it. It's doubtful the Megaverse, with more than the 52 Earths of the current DC Multiverse would be seen from there. Good job JD, you just made Lieutenant Commander in the Honorary Dissector's Scout Corps!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week! Best Book Of The Week was R.E.B.E.L.S. #11, just a good read, and good art. Worst Book Of The Week was, unfortunately, Lobo: Highway To Hell #2; it's like writer Scott Ian didn't know how to end what he'd started pretty well.

Now, The Rundown: Action Comics (Hal Jordan's badge, Congorilla's size), Citizen Rex (accented letters, calling the main character by the wrong name), Dark X-Men (Norman's eyes), Incredible Hulk (Reed Richard and Bruce Banner with wrong eye colors), Lobo: Highway To Hell (why call Lobo a "blue moron", if his skin is white?), Nation X (Logan and Namor get their eyes colored incorrectly in the cover, and Anole's larger arm is wrong in a story), The New Avengers (Jessica Jones should have brown eyes, not green ones), R.E.B.E.L.S. (Lyrl Dox's eyes are colored incorrectly, an alien spaceship has a sign in English, Sinestro looks nothing like he does in the Green Lantern books and he even changes appearances within this book), S.W.O.R.D. (Beast again, and Hepzibah looks wrong), Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Cardassians ("Carassia"?), War Machine V2 (an American flag again in the ICC, Norman's eyes, and what's a "technomath"?), Wolverine: Under The Boardwalk (Logan's eyes are wrong, wrong costumes on the X-Men, and Logan didn't have adamantium forty years ago), X-Men Forever V2 (accented letters, wrong colors), X Necrosha: The Gathering (Selene's eyes are wrong). Dissections!!!
<-------------------------------->
"BLUE BEATLE."

TITLE: Booster Gold V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 27.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Ensign Piggylicious noticed that Blue Beetle's armor's hands change color midway through the issue. Good catch, Ensign!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Barry Allen has inexplicable red eyes, Rip Hunter's eyes and hair are, as usually, colored incorrectly, and Supernova's costume is colored wrong too. Not Hi-Fi's day.
<-------------------------------->
"MINISTERIAL MINISTRATIONS."

TITLE: Daytripper (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 01 of 10.

CULPRIT: Fábio Moon and Gabriel Bá (writers).

DISSECTION: Twin Brazilian brothers Moon and Bá claim they have "secret real names so we don't get attacked by the mob of fans (mostly women), but Brazilian's are known for using nicknames a lot... Pelé is not reaaaaaally (read in a "Dr. Perry Cox" style) called "Pelé", you know? Anyway, you might know them as artists from separate books (Casanova in Moon's case, and Umbrella Academy in Bá's, to name two examples), but now they're writing and drawing their own limited series, Daytripper, in what might be the first US published comic (from DC, Marvel, Dark Horse, Image, or any other publisher) written and drawn by South Americans. Yes, there are a lot of artists from Argentina, Brazil (a LOT), some from Uruguay (Eduardo Barreto, Richard Bennett, and newer artists like Ignacio Calero, Eduardo's son Diego Barreto, and Diego's sister Andrea, who is a colorist, and, more recently, Diego Jourdan), and several Spaniards; but that's all in the art department.

The only Latin American writer I can think of is Roberto Aguirre Sacasa, and in addition to not being South American (his parents are Nicaraguan), he was born in the US. Enrique Breccia is a writer as well as an artist, but he has only drawn stuff for DC, not written it... Fabian Nicieza was born in Argentina but lives in the US since he's three years old, and he's done stuff with Spanish artists, but none that I can think of with South American ones. So, it's kind of a big deal, even if there are other South American writers in the US comic scene, I am pretty certain there hasn't been any book both written and drawn, and more importantly, created, by a South American writer/artist team, so I applaud the irmãos BaMoon. And to any South American artists already in the industry... well, you know where to find me if you want a Uruguayan writer. *wink*

Now, this book was a good read, but it did have one tiny dissection. The main character and his friend refer to the "Ministry" of Culture, when they're actually talking about the "Minister" of Culture, the person, not the institution.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, just like any other "foreign language" dissection.
<-------------------------------->
"SUPERENDAGERER."

TITLE: DC Holiday Special '09 (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Superman. Err, I mean Arie Kaplan (writer).

DISSECTION: Supes meets a kid with cystic fibrosis (go read that Wikipedia article, it's a serious genetic disease and most people don't know what it is), and takes him flying through the city on Christmas eve... in a robe, scarf, slippers and apparently no pants. Good job, Superman!!! Now, any healthy adult will most likely get a cold like that, and while I don't know much about cystic fibrosis, I know enough (and I read about it on the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's website) to know that people with the disease aren't more likely to get colds, but there's a great chance they'll get sicker than someone without CF. You see, cystic fibrosis, among other things, causes a person to have trouble breathing due to accumulation of mucus in the airways.

I knew a guy in high school who had what I now think was CF (or something very similar), and he was constantly having breathing problems, and had to get physical therapy to help with that. Unfortunately, he died when we were sixteen or so. While we never were actually friends, hope you're well where you are now, Frank.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There are a lot of other dissections in this book, mostly wrong eye colors, a costuming mistake here and there... and for some reason Adam Strange's hair gets colored brown...
<-------------------------------->
"MR. WEATHERBY."

TITLE: Doom Patrol V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Keith Giffen (writer).

DISSECTION: Once again, Tempest did not have weather powers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"!"

TITLE: Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer).

DISSECTION: See the Quote Of The Week? Well, there are portions I actually changed to correct them. It actually said (and pay attention to the quotation marks inside the ones I put: "(...) When I asked you to sign our release form, you put down "Pisces!" You once told us to meet you at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk!" (...)".

See the problem? While, depending if you're using American or British grammar rules, you can put commas or periods inside or outside the quotation marks, exclamation or question marks only go inside of said quotations if they only apply to the portion you're quoting. The was being emphatic about the stupidities Rhino did (writing "Pisces", thinking "Walk" and "Don't Walk" were street names), not saying that Rhino had written "Pisces!" or "Don't Walk!" with exclamation marks.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. There is also an accented letter smaller than it should be, and a word balloon pointing to empty air, and no invisible man.
<-------------------------------->
"SECRET AMNESIA."

TITLE: What If: Secret Invasion (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Kevin Grevioux & Karl Bollers (writers).

DISSECTION: The Skrulls succeed in their invasion, and humans and Skrulls live in peace... mostly. Some humans, including aunt May, accept "conversion"; becoming Skrulls by combining their DNA with Skrull DNA. So, the heroes start adapting the X-Men's skrullified Legacy virus to purge the alien DNA from humanity. Peter Parker, the Black Panther, Night Trasher, Iron Man, and others work on it, trying to make it so it doesn't kill humans while cleansing the Skrull DNA from them. However, Peter Parker, yes, Spider-Man, helps Norman Osborn sneak in to impersonate Iron Man and help, because he's apparently an expert in "microbiology".

Since when? Microbiology has never been Norman's specialty, and in any case, why would Peter trust Norman? I call thee bullshyte.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Lots of other errors, of all kinds, in this book.
<-------------------------------->
"WORLD WAR DISSECTION."

TITLE: What If: World War Hulk (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Lucio Parrillo (colorist).

DISSECTION: You tell me:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. It's pretty obvious; and there are also a couple of minor script dissections.
<-------------------------------->
This column has an average of 6.7 Bazzars on sixty-nine (hehe) dissections. Pretty standard. Now, Cover Of The Week, a pretty simple, yet good looking cover by Russell Chong for Star Wars: The Clone Wars #11:


Very Red Baron, and that's the whole point... but I liked it. Only two Moments Of The Week, first up, Booster Gold comes up with a great way of getting rid of Black Lanterns:


Jolly good job! And now, a funny X-Men moment:


It made me laugh. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Creator sighting!

David Gallaher, writer for Hulk: Winter Guard, dropped by the comments section of column #143 and said "Fake Russian in Winter Guard? Hardly. All of the Russian phrases, spellings, and translations are correct. Would you like a translation key?".

My apologies, I took note of the word "ponchiki" because I didn't know it, and then, when writing the column, without the comic book in front of me, just my notes, I didn't notice that I had typed "pochiki". I couldn't find that word anywhere, even with alternate spellings (but alas, never the right one), so I marked it as a made up word. Honestly, when I was writing it, I thought "the rest of the Russian looks flawless, I should go back and check if I took note of the word correctly"... but I didn't.

You'll forgive me, I don't claim to be perfect, but I'm so jaded about writers and languages other than English (what they do to Spanish, for example, is heartwrenching), that I sometimes, unwillingly, slip up. I hope you can forgive me, and thank you for that comic, I have a soft spot for Soviet-inspired stuff.

The Dissector #143.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"We are your gods! And not docile Morgan Freeman God, we're talking full-force, 110% Jack Kirby Gods! With armor and Omega Beams and chess pieces made to look like my enemies!" Wannabe warlocks at a convention, Angel #27.

Welcome to the column for 12/03, as we, quite obviously, near the end of 2009. Right of the bat, Donald313 noticed that Vibe's grave doesn't have enough space for the rest of his last name, "Ramone" (obscured behind him rising as a Black Lantern) to fit. Badge for you, El-Tee.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week is actually from a few weeks ago, but there was absolutely no other book this week that deserved even to share this spot with... Comic Book Comics #4. Fred Van Lente and Ryan Dunlavey deliver, as they did with Action Philosophers, a great telling of the history of our medium, with hilarious humor and really good information for even someone like me, who considers himself pretty knowledgeable about the subject. Worst Book Of The Week? Batman: Unseen #5, with bad art, and horrible characterization of Batman. The only good part? It's the last issue of this fiasco.

The Rundown: Angel (issue #26, while checking the names of the warlocks from the quote, which weren't there, and only one of them was named in #27, I noticed that the toy-style cover says "seperately"), Batman: Unseen (horrible costume exaggeration, eyes without details), Black Widow & The Marvel Girls (wrong eye color for Black Widow, someone in Russian using the Anglicization of her last name, "Romanoff"), Blackest Night: The Flash (wrong costume on Kid Flash, Donna Troy's wound is missing, Gorilla City is not hidden by a special frequency only Flashes can match), Dark Avengers (the Sentry doesn't wear gloves as part of his costume), DC Nation 12/03 (a space is missing between two words), The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (horrible Spanish as usual, including using male adjectives for the Virgin Mary), Hulk: Winter Guard (fake Russian), Psylocke (Psylocke has green eyes first, then blue eyes; when they should be violet, and Yukio, a Japanese character, has blue eyes), Superman: World Of New Krypton (house crests on Kryptonian clothes change between panels). Dissections it is, then.
<-------------------------------->
"AUTHORITATIVE DISSECTION."

TITLE: The Authority V4 (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Drew Johnson (penciller).

DISSECTION: From a couple of months ago; but right off the bat, DISSECT THIS!


Pretty easy, I'll say.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. It could be a double, but I'm being lenient and just counting it as one.
<-------------------------------->
"THE LOST EARS."

TITLE: The Authority: The Lost Year (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 03 of 12.

CULPRIT: Darick Robertson (penciller).

DISSECTION: Swift is portrayed with pointed ears, when her ears are normal. She has, occasionally, from what I've seen, been portrayed with pointy ears, and sometimes her ears change shape even within the same issue, and the same page, in old issues, although she usually has normal ears. That, coupled with the fact that she has the ability to shift her hands and feet from normal to talon-like, makes me give this a low rating, though.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Her eyes, however, should be brown, not blue.
<-------------------------------->
"DEITY!"

TITLE: The Authority: The Lost Year (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 03 of 12.

CULPRIT: Keith Giffen (script).

DISSECTION: Really, Keith? The Doctor, aka Habib bin Hassan, a former Palestinian suicide bomber who is the world's shaman, its "Sorcerer Supreme" utters "Jesus wept!" when surprised? Really?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ALL-STAR, TRULY."

TITLE: JSA All-Stars (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: Among many other things (including a lettering balloon pointing at the wrong character, Cyclone costume mistakes, wacky anatomy, and the word "menatally"... well, I've listed everything except Magog's eye being the wrong color, so there...), Power Girl's costume sleeve is torn in battle, and the shape and location of the tears change incongruously between panels.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"KABLOOEY."

TITLE: Spin Angels (Marvel/Soleil).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Jean-Luc Sala (writer).

DISSECTION: You know I've been enjoying this book greatly, as one reviewer put it, it's "a head-on collision between John Woo and John Paul II". However, I really don't understand how a gas used to prevent ancient documents from deteriorating would be highly flammable, as to ignite with a flash grenade into a huge explosion.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PUBIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE."

TITLE: Superman: Secret Origin (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: JohnnyDoe noticed that Perry White talks about the Daily Planet's "pubisher". JD, one badge more and you make Lieutenant Commander!

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THOU HAST LETTERED THY COMIC INCORRECTLY!"

TITLE: Thor V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 604.

CULPRIT: Joe Sabino (letterer) and/or Alejandro Arbona (assistant editor), Ralph Macchio & Warren Simmons (editors).

DISSECTION: The recent Thor one-shot had a preview of this issue, which, as usual, ended with "CONTINUED IN THOR #604"... but they left the "CONTINUED..." blurb on that page's art for this issue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Also, CeeCee, I hate to call you on it, but Doctor Doom has brown eyes, not blue eyes.
<-------------------------------->
"THERE'S A RAT IN MY KITCHEN."

TITLE: X-Force V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual #01.

CULPRIT: Jason Pearson (artist).

DISSECTION: Who the hell is that wererat?


Oh... it's supposed to be Wolfsbane. WOLFsbane, Pearson.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Fabian Cortez's hair is the wrong color.
<-------------------------------->
Well, that was a 6.3 Bazzars average on thirty-nine dissections, expectable. Now, I'm kinda rushing this, because I'm late already... here's the cover of the week:


Stunning cover to Thor #604 by Olivier Coipel, Mark Morales, and Laura Martin. Now, Moments Of The Week! First up, we learn how Jack Kirby escapes from Marvel for the second time:


Bwa-hah-hah!!! Next one is not that funny, but it still made me smile:


Well, he IS Fabio-esque. Now, Batman becomes invisible:


Sort of... that means Brucie is wearing his cape and mask only... what could be worse than that?


Well, a completely naked invisible Bruce Wayne, facing a naked skinless man in a dubious position!!! Now, I understand that it'd be good beefcake for the lady readers... but Batman should keep some of his dignity... and clothes... Next, the truth about The Great Darkness Saga:


Keith Giffen has a dartboard in his studio with a picture of Paul Levitz on it! And now, Heaven hopefully looks like this:


BOOGIE WONDERLAND!!! *disco dances around* Damn right! Or... Blessed right! And speaking of godly things...


It's time to teach you a lesson, Doom!!! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #142.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"So one Green Lantern baddie. One giant skeleton-guy. One freaky Guardian. And a Black Lantern in a pear tree." Flash (Wally West), Blackest Night #5.

Good afternoon, or whatever time of the day it is while you read this, the column for comics released on the week of 11/25 (as usual, with a few books from previous weeks). The end of the year is near, which means that the third annual Autopsy Awards are coming! Nominees will be announced sometime in the first two weeks of January in a special column, and while I've been setting aside my own choices, readers are welcome to submit proposals for Best Quote, Best Moment, Best Cover, and special awards.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are the following: Best Book Of The Week was Detective Comics #859; Greg Rucka provides an interesting main story with Batwoman's past, and a great second feature with The Question; although the art for the latter is nowhere as good as J. H. Williams' art for the main story. Superman: Secret Origins was almost book of the week, with enjoyable plot and good art (except for my usual gripe about Gary Frank's faces for Clark), but I really can't get behind Geoff John's decisions to have Ron Troupe and Cat Grant working at the Daily Planet before Clark. Worst of all, I can't accept the Daily Planet being a failed newspaper that can barely stay afloat, with the added insult that Perry White is a has been that's too scared to publish stories on City Hall's corruption or inefficiency, for example. Geoff, this takes away a lot of value from Perry as a character, implying that the only reason the planet is a great newspaper is because Clark is there, bringing in the Superman exclusives...

Worst Book Of The Week? Well, simply Super Friends #21. I don't know why I still read this book; it aims at children while basically treating them as idiots; forgetting also to aim for their parents, like Franklin Richards: Son Of A Genius or Tiny Titans do. No one cracked the DT!; the problem was that Bucky-Cap says that Captain America was pulled out of the water and brought into "this decade"; and sliding timeline or not, there's no way Steve was revived in 2001...

Here is The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man ("Michele" Gonzales), Blackest Night (Hal's badge, Wally West's mask, Kid Flash's costume), Dark Avengers: Ares (Ares eyes are colored blue), Detective Comics (Huntress' costume is wrong), Dominic Fortune (Dominic's eyes are colored incorrectly on the cover, accented letter), Fantastic Four V1 (Psionics' eyes are colored wrong), Green Lantern V4 (the issue happens before Blackest Night #5, but it says it happens before issue #6... still technically correct, but...), Guardians of the Galaxy V2 (Starlord's eyes are colored incorrectly), Incredible Hercules (USAgent, then his shield and costume are colored incorrectly on the cover, Wolverine's and Ares' eyes are colored incorrectly), Justice League: Cry For Justice (Hal's badge, Jay Garrick's hair, Vixen's skin is colored as if she were the same skin tone as the Caucasian characters around her), The Last Resort (bad Spanish, an accented letter actually has an apostrophe next to it instead of an accent on top of it), New Avengers (Captain America's eyes are wrong, H.A.M.M.E.R. soldiers have wrong uniforms, and Daredevil's mask is wrong), New Mutants V3 (mentioning Magik's, uhm, magical abilities might be nice in the character's power listing), Super Friends V2 (Aquaman's eyes are wrong), Ultimate Comics Avengers (a fired bullet doesn't look like a bullet right out of the box), Uncanny X-Men (Namor's eyes should be grey, not blue), Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Spider-Girl's and JJJ's eyes are colored incorrectly, plus "Burmuda" is not a country), World's Finest V3 (Guardian's eyes are brown, which is wrong, then blue, the right color), X-Men Forever V2 (eye colors, accented letters, "Woverine", Beast and Ororo with the wrong eye design, and most of all, Chris, it's "Spetsnatz", or even "Specnatz", but not "Spetsnatst"), Zorro (the usual ton of accented letters and "ñ"s, several incorrect uses of the Spanish language, even a misspelled English word, and Zorro's eyes colored incorrectly).

Speaking of Zorro, I received the latest two issues late; #16 from last month had no wrong uses of the Spanish language by the writer, only lettering mistakes; and I will admit that #17 (from the week before the one for this column) didn't have that many Spanish atrocities. However, I'm very, very irked at how Matt Wagner, the book's writer, keeps using Spanish words and expressions in the dialogue that, for the readers benefit, is translated to English. The same way as "tovarishti" should have been translated in that X-Men forever dialogue, there should be no Spanish words in Zorro's dialogue. I wrote an e-mail to Dynamite Entertainment, where I tell them how much I enjoy the comic, but how sloppy and disrespectful this way of writing is... I've posted it on a few places to share my concerns with my fellow readers, so read it if you want, and if it bothers you too (even if you're not a Spanish-speaker), write an e-mail to Dynamite. You can haz disecshuns nao:
<-------------------------------->
"NEW AGE STUPIDITY."

TITLE: Arkham Reborn (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: David Hine (writer).

DISSECTION: Even in the most hippie mental facility, are we really supposed to believe that a dangerous criminal, particularly one like Killer Croc who has a bloody jacuzzi in his cell, nay, room, will have an accessible, open electrical outlet?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"EXAGGERATION, MUCH?"

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Christos N. Gage (writer) and/or Rachel Pinnelas (assistant editor) & Bill Roseman (editor).

DISSECTION: The intro blurb says "... after Stamford, Connecticut was destroyed..."; but Stamford was not destroyed, a school and surrounding houses in Stamford were destroyed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WRONG KITTY."

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Christos N. Gage (writer).

DISSECTION: Tigra claims to have empathic abilities; but she never had such powers. Hellcat, on the other hand, which is a different character (Tigra was "The Cat") used to have some psionic abilities, and still has a few echoes of them.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTORO."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 132.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I credited Black Panther artist Will Conrad as "Will Conrado".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"INTRODUCING THE NEW FLUIDMAC."

TITLE: G.I. Joe Origins (IDW).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Andrea Mutti (artist).

DISSECTION: This was almost this week's DT!; a terrorist ignites a computer with a termite bomb to get rid of data; and Scarlet tries to salvage the hard drive. While she kicks the computer tower, it changes shape and size.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, a phrase in Gaeilge is spelled incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"LIAR, LIAR. PANTS ON FIRE. WHERE'S YOUR GAG FLOWER THAT SHOOTS WATER TO PUT IT OUT?"

TITLE: Gotham Sirens (DC).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).

DISSECTION: Gaggy, the Joker's former sidekick, tells a tale of the first time the Joker went to prison, or at least of the last time he went to jail before being declared insane and sent to Arkham Asylum. Problem is, that according to the recent Joker origin told in Batman Confidential #7-12, the first time he was captured he went straight to Arkham.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Poison Ivy claims she "didn't bring enough vines" to free herself and Catwoman from a trap; when we've seen her cause gigantic plants to sprout out of building floors and walls without any plant matter around.
<-------------------------------->
"PEROXIDE HOOD."

TITLE: The Invincible Iron Man V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Frank D'Armata (colorist).

DISSECTION: Frank, what the hell are you on? Norman's eyes are colored incorrectly, Tony's eyes are wrong... and the Hood is blond?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"VIBE THIS!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 39.

CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller).

DISSECTION: Check this one out, Mr. Paco Ramone, aka Vibe, comes back from the dead. Sorta.


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LIGHT CURRY."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 39.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: Psst... James... Dr. Light, the villain, is Arthur LIGHT, not Curry. That's Aquaman.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AND CAPTAIN ATOM WAS IN THE NAVY."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Bill Willingham (writer).

DISSECTION: Mr. Willingham heard a great joke, and he just had to use it. Do you know what "army" stands for? Ain't ready for the Marines yet! HAH! Hilarious!!! And it would be even more hilarious to see Magog taunt Major Force with that after the villain tells him he hates jarheads because he was in the Army... if Major Force hadn't been IN THE AIR FORCE!!!

I really don't expect each writer to be familiar with every single character in the universe they're writing in. But come on, Google "Major Force" and the first link you get is the Wikipedia article on the character, and the second paragraph in the article says "While in the USAF...". Basic research, the jokes you want to tell have to work around the characters you're using, not the other way around.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Power Girl's hairstyle is wrong, and Jay Garrick's boots are drawn incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"SECRET TIMELINE."

TITLE: Secret Warriors (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Hickman (writer).

DISSECTION: Again, fuck the sliding timeline, are we really meant to believe that it's been only FIVE WEEKS since Secret Invasion? Spider-Man spent TWO MONTHS in a macroverse with the Fantastic Four, for example, not to mention all the stuff that's happened in other books since Secret Invasion that no way could have happened in five weeks.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WEARING LIFTS."

TITLE: Secret Warriors (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Alessandro Viti (artist).

DISSECTION: Yes, sure. Ten-year old (physically, at least) Alexander is half a head shorter than Hercules.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Balder and Alex have their eyes colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"POOR BOTHANS."

TITLE: Star Wars: Legacy (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 42.

CULPRIT: Dave Ross (penciller).

DISSECTION: Ross adds yet another interpretation to how Bothans look.


Hey, Dave... that looks like a Shistavanen.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Mon Calamari hands and feet are drawn incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
So, the average for this week was 6.7 Bazzars in a hundred and twenty-two dissections. The usual, more or less; but in a busload of dissections. Cover Of The Week was this simple, but effective cover to Unknown Soldier #14 by Dave Johnson:


Moments of The Week? We have plenty! First up, more Legionnaires in the present!


That's Matter Eater Lad, for the uninformed, even wearing a shirt and t-shirt in the same color scheme as his uniform. Then, Blackest Night gets worse:


Yikes. Then, Super Friends is basically crap, but it has its moments:


I love the Disco Leprechaun. Then, Dominic Fortune:


... but his enemies misfortune. Oh, and now:


Incest! It's almost like Star Wars!!! Now, Superman: Secret Origins is not all about making the Daily Planet staff a bunch of simpletons:


Lois know something is up... Back to Marvel, but Ultimate:


Yeah, Ulti-Cap is a bit more... badass than regular Cap... Now, two Knights Of The Dinner Table moments:


Eww... Barbara Blackburn!!! WHY??!?! The images in my mind are now... etched onto it... You paying for therapy? And next, Gee-Jay himself takes the fight to the Wicked Witch:


Damn straight! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Creator sighting!

After Flash: Rebirth got best book and cover of the week in last column, penciller Ethan Van Sciver posted on my Facebook "That's an honor, thanks!"

You're welcome, Ethan, just keep up the good work!

The Dissector #141.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I feel like a hung-over Frazetta painting." Lobo, Lobo: Highway To Hell #1.

Welcome to the column for comics released on 11/18, and happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate it. I don't, but still; it doesn't hurt to be polite. That quote up there is from a book released some weeks earlier, but since it was good, and I just got the comic recently, I chose that one. Now, the DT! from last week was cracked by Donald313, who pointed out that the word "tovarishti" is kept in Russian while the text is in English, and surrounded by translation brackets, so it should have been translated to "comrades". Donald reaches the rank of Lieutenant, and Emerre in turn noticed that the brackets in two of the balloons hadn't been closed.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week! Best Book Of The Week was The Flash: Rebirth #5; just great use by Geoff Johns of the Flash family, and a new "Impulse"! Geez, that family has a tradition of hand-me-down codenames! Worst Book Of The Week was Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts #1, because although the script by Zander Cannon (nice pulp style name) reads like a TNG episode, the art by Javier Aranda is simply atrocious. Look below, and even overlooking the large amount of errors (later in the column), I cannot help wondering why, with all the good, and even mediocre artists that probably charge cheap, must art chores be given to people with blunt crayons tied to bloody stumps?


See what I mean? What the hell is wrong with Troi's hair? Why does Picard's head keep changing shapes? Why does Beverly Crusher look like a crash test dummy with a wig? Why do people in general look like characters from a crappy fan comic? *sigh*

The Rundown! Adventure Comics (Ultra Boy's costume is wrong, the Ranzz twins hair should be red, not blonde), Air (accented letter), The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (the Black Cat's costume is wrong), Batman: Streets Of Gotham (Robin's costume is wrong, and Kate Spencer's eyes should be blue, not brown), Dark Avengers (Norman's eyes), Dark Reign - The List: Amazing Spider-Man (accented letter, Victoria Hand's eyes should be blue), Dark Reign: Zodiac (Reed Richards has brown eyes, not blue like in this comic), The Incredible Hulk V1 (Bruce Banner's eyes are colored incorrectly), Realm Of Kings: Inhumans (Maximus' eyes are wrong), Superman/Batman (the Bizarro speak is inconsistent), Thunderbolts (accented letters, and "Ñ"s), X-Men Forever V2 (translation brackets without closing). Now, dissections.
<-------------------------------->
"BATMAN: THE ABSURD."

TITLE: Batman: The Unseen (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 05.

CULPRIT: Kelley Jones (artist).

DISSECTION: Again, Batman's costume is grotesque. The Bat-ears on his cowl are a feet or a feet and a half long; the spikes on his gloves are like half a foot long; and his cape is large enough to cover his entire body around twice, reach down to the floor (and beyond), extend a meter and a half away from his body and completely engulf the upper body of a grown man... ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"UNCLE TOM."

TITLE: Black Panther V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Will Conrad (artist).

DISSECTION: Once more, Wakandan television has writing in English, but that's not the problem... now Wakandan farmers look like black people from the southern US in 1912...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WATER! WATER HEALS ALL SICKNESSES!"

TITLE: Black Panther V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Maberry (writer).

DISSECTION: If Wakandan crops and soil are infected with diseases and plagues... what good would it be to have Storm cause rain to fall on them? And even then, why is her rain expected to magically make plant life sprout instantaneously, as if she had control over vegetation?

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. There's no need to show her using her powers to reveal that the crops are infected.
<-------------------------------->
"TRACTION."

TITLE: The Flash: Rebirth (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: The Flashes use a technique called a "sonic bomb" to fight Reverse Flash; as long as they can "outrun the sound waves", it won't affect them. As Thawne's feet are not touching the ground, he doesn't have any traction to run... what? How many times have they shown speedsters running on water, or basically flying because they're running fast?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. There are also several costuming mistakes.
<-------------------------------->
"JUSTICE SOCIETY OF DUBIOUS SCIENCE."

TITLE: Justice Society of America 80-Page Giant (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturgeon (writer).

DISSECTION: The book is rife with costuming mistakes, and for some reason, Cyclone's monkey, Frank, can fly on his own (psst, guys, the wings he wears are just a costume)... but the problem is that Mr. Terrific shows dubious scientific knowledge when he positions that "it stands to reason that a device with prophetic powers would cause gravitational rifts"... He also says that it would cause "time-like anomalies"; which is understandable, even if doubtful, since it sees the future, not actually travel in time (in fact, they specify that there's no time travel involved)... but gravitational rifts because it sees the future? What?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MISS CYCLONE FANTASTICO."

TITLE: Justice Society of America 80-Page Giant (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Neil Edwards (penciller).

DISSECTION: Here's a favorite of one my readers, Miss Kitty Fantastico (who I haven't seen in a long time, I'll drop him a line), a Cyclone costuming mistake! In the first short story, Cyclone's tank top's straps appear and disappear. To be honest, there are a few more errors in her costume throughout the book.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTOR TO."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 114.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Just stumbled upon this one while checking stuff for this column. I wrote "Maxine to Spartan", when it should have been "Maxine refers to Spartan".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S SHARP!"

TITLE: Mighty Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 31.

CULPRIT: Sean Chen (penciller).

DISSECTION: Stature shrinks and she and Ronin do the old "tiny person flying on an arrow" trick, but she holds on to the sharp outer edges of the arrowhead, with her bare fingers. Yeah. That'll work nicely.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MIGHTY DISSECTION."

TITLE: Mighty Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 31.

CULPRIT: Dan Slott & Christos N. Gage (scripters).

DISSECTION: Check this out, it should be easy:


DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Numerous miscellaneous errors, and although the U.S.Agent is referred to as "USAgent" on the recap page, his name is spelled correctly in the story. Almost... it's spelled U.S. Agent. Yes, there is a difference, but I'll let it slide this time.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF UNIFORM?"

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Javier Aranda (artist).

DISSECTION: There are plenty of dissections in this book, so I'll just show the worst art one, and the worst writing one. Additionally, I'll say that Riker's eyes are brown instead of his correct blue, Deanna Troi's eyes are wrong, Worf's warrior sash is missing, Data has Lieutenant rank insignia, when he's a Lt. Cmdr., Picard has Commander pips at one point, and Beverly Crusher should be wearing three solid pips, since she was a Commander from the show's start, instead of one pip... or two, as she wears in this book depending on the panel.

Now, the worst art dissection was that the uniform designs don't match the real uniforms from the TV show... not only that, but the designs change from page to page, and even are mirrored; switching horizontal orientation. See below, first what a real TNG uniform looks like, then how Aranda mangles them and doesn't even keep them consistent during the issue:


For starters, there's Picard in his uniform. The shoulders and the neckline look a bit different, but that's pretty much acceptable; stuff that depends on angles and whatnot. But then there's the lower part of the jacket... there's a "spike", let's call it, pointing at Jean-Luc's right hip, and the red fabric slopes up in a twenty degree (more or less) angle towards a few inches before his left hip, then angles down to a second spike towards it. Then, from that spike, you have a line straight up towards his left armpit. Now that I look at it closely, it's basically the shape of the Star Fleet "alpha" badge.

Now look at the Picard drawn by Aranda. The line from the first spike to the second has a much sharper angle, and it's noticeably shorter, leading to a much wider second spike. Yes, he's kind of turned sideways, but still, the design is different; as the red fabric covers the zone under his armpit, something that doesn't happen in the real uniform.

Then, in the third image, Data (or a snowman dressed in his clothes... more like a blow up doll) has a uniform with a different design from the one Picard wears in the previous picture... and Riker has a different one, and it looks like Worf wears a third different design, and Picard too... then... WAIT!!! Look at that... I just realized that for ONE, and only ONE panel in the whole comic, Worf wears his sash... and it looks more like a Pancho Villa bullet belt!!!! Of course, in that picture Picard and Riker are wearing a fourth and fifth designs, and they're even mirrored...

Fantastic Aranda, fantastic. Please, IDW, quit ruining your Star Trek comics... half of them have subpar artists... and some, like this one, have people who should not be hired for professional artwork. This is no longer a dissection thing, but an actual, honest, completely objective quality appraisal. Aranda is BAD, his human(oid) figures are inconsistent, his designs don't stay the same, and everything looks UGLY. And yes, Worf appears in about fourteen panels in the whole comic, and he's only wearing his sash (which doesn't look much like his sash) in one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for the horrible uniform debacle. I look forward to the next issue of this book... as long as the writer e-mails me the script, or Javier Aranda is replaced by someone (yes, even Rob Liefield would do).
<-------------------------------->
"POOR GEORDI."

TITLE: Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Zander Cannon (writer).

DISSECTION: Zander, I can't help but love your name... and this is coming from someone who goes by "MaGnUs von Tesla" on Facebook, an excellent name if there ever was one. Still, I have to dissect your work... The comic is stated to be happening on stardate 44751.3, which means it's the fourth season of TNG (which happens between stardates 44001.4-44995.3), year 2367. Geordi is shown and referred to as Lieutenant; but he was promoted to Lieutenant Commander in 2366.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. We Trekkies take our continuity seriously.
<-------------------------------->
"LAW & DISORDER."

TITLE: War Machine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak (writer).

DISSECTION: Norman Osborn and H.A.M.M.E.R. turn James Rhodes over to the International Criminal Court (ICC from now on). *sigh* Where do I start? First of all, H.A.M.M.E.R. is a US organization; it's not international as S.H.I.E.L.D. was, and the USA is not a member of the ICC. A little background: The United States of America, through then president Bill Clinton, signed the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court in 2000. However, Clinton stated that he would not submit it to the Senate for advice and consent for ratification until the U.S. government had a chance to assess the functioning of the court (although he supported the proposed role of the ICC and its aims). A treaty that is not ratified is not legally binding.

In 2002, the 60 requisite ratifications for the Rome Statue were reached, and US President George W. Bush's administration sent a note to the UN Secretary General suspending the US government's signature of the statute, and informing that the USA recognized no obligation towards the Court.

Additionally, the US government stated that its intention not to become a member state of the ICC be reflected in the UN documentation, specifically because signatories have an obligation not to undermine the object and purpose of a treaty.

Now, let's assume that one of the following three things is true: 1) That H.A.M.M.E.R. is a UN organization (which it's not, from all that's been shown in the comics), 2) That in the Marvel Universe, the USA is a member of the ICC (which I doubt), or 3) That the USA is making an exception and collaborating with the ICC, since many of War Machine's crimes were committed outside the US (which is believable, I guess). Assuming any of those three things to be true... judging Rhodes in the ICC is still wrong.

In broad strokes, the ICC's purpose is to prosecute individuals for genocide, crimes against humanity, war crimes, and the crime of aggression (although it cannot currently exercise jurisdiction over the latter). War Machine's crimes do not fall within any of those definitions; he's no different than many unregistered heroes, or rather, since he kills, no different than most supervillains, or even vigilantes like Moon Knight (at his worst) or the Punisher. At most, he's a terrorist... and the International Criminal Court does not have jurisdiction over terrorism.

Many member states wanted to add terrorism and drug trafficking to the list of crimes covered by the Rome Statute; however, the states were unable to agree on a definition for terrorism, and drug trafficking was left out because as this might overwhelm the court's limited resources.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. But, as infomercials say, this is not all! Read the next dissection for a complete screw-up, writing and art-wise.
<-------------------------------->
"IN-TER-NA-TIO-NAL."

TITLE: War Machine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Wellinton Alves (penciller).

DISSECTION: This is even worse, because if you want to justify the previous dissection, you can always claim "things are different in the Marvel Universe!". In this case, however, there is no excuse. Jim Rhodes stands before a single judge (something that never happens in the ICC as far as I was able to ascertain) in an ICC courtroom (that looks nothing like the real ones)... and there's a US flag to the side of the judge and a US seal behind her.

Why? Why the hell would you do that Alves? INTERNATIONAL. CRIMINAL. COURT. INTERNATIONAL!!!

INTER-FUCKING-NATIONAL!!!

I can understand an American, with the (no offense meant to my American readers) general sense of being the center of the world US citizens have, starting with the fact that they call themselves "Americans", as if they were the only residents of the American continent. But a Brazilian artist? Please Wellinton, use the internet, do some research... Typing three worlds and clicking on three links I found this 360º photographic virtual tour of one of the ICC. And even if you didn't HAVE an internet connection, why in the name of Khan Noonien Singh would you think of putting US symbols in the INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL COURT??!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Of course, there are eye color mistakes and other stuff.
<-------------------------------->
There we go... a 6.7 Bazzars average in sixty-four dissections. I thought it would be a bit higher, but no. The Cover Of The Week comes from this week's Best Book; a simple but effective homage by Ethan Van Sciver to the cover of Flash V1 #123 (1961), the classic "Flash Of Two Worlds" story that introduced the concept of the multiverse to DC comics, and one of the most homaged covers in the history of comics:


Now, Moments Of The Week! Hercules just amuses me:


And he doesn't stop amusing me:


Then, something that made a bit sad...


... but then Tiny Titans writer Art Baltazar enlightened me and made me feel like an idiot... that's not a tinyverse Ralph Dibny Jr., but Jimmy Olsen... Now, despite all the flaws in War Machine #11, I liked this scene:



Pwnd! And last, still catching up with Knights Of The Dinner Table, Tuley not only leaked the horrible Heidi Jackson version of Hackmaster to the net to save the game, he also takes step to give the witch herself a good taste of fan anger.


That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #140.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Your mother's so fat, Hank Pym had to beat her up in the back of a Quinjet." Deadpool, king of Yo Mamma contests, The Amazing Spider-Man 611.

Here we are, this is the column for books released on 11/11; minus a few I haven't received yet. No one caught the DT! from last column; the problem was that Nightcrawler teleports someone (Blizzard, I think) into a wall... Nightcrawler's powers don't work that way, to teleport someone into a wall he has to teleport himself into it.

Now, what are this week's Dissector's Picks Of The Week? I'll be quick; Best Book Of The Week was Gravel #15, as I've said before, he's like a John Constantine who can kick your ass without magic. Worst Book Of The Week was Red Robin #6; the art is a bit better, but it's still a bland book. Not horrible, though, just the weakest book this week.

Here's The Rundown: Action Comics (Lois Lane gets her eyes colored black), The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Araña's hair and eyes should be brown, not orange), Batman (Batman and Robin get the wrong costumes, Kate Spencer's eyes are wrong, as is the Riddler's hair), Cable V2 (Hope's eye color is wrong, the word "calculation" is spelled "caclulations"), The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (twenty-eight writing and/or lettering language dissections), The Phantom: Ghost Who Walks (bad punctuation in an ad), R.E.B.E.L.S. ("Cigi" instead of "Ciji", Hal Jordan's badge and ring drawn wrong), Realm Of Kings: Imperial Guard ("assmbly"?), Tank Girl: Skidmarks (accented letter), Titans V2 (Red Arrow's hair should be red, not blond, and his boots are wrong), X-Men Vs. Agents Of Atlas (Namor's eyes should be grey, not blue; Warren's costume is wrong, and Nightcrawler's German is incorrect). Dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S A STRIPPER PAINTED SILVER."

TITLE: Booster Gold V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Dan Jurgens (writer).

DISSECTION: Captain Atom can't be present at Ted Kord's funeral; he's either in the Wildstorm universe, or traipsing around the Bleed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, J'onn Jonzz belt emblem is not an atom symbol, Hal Jordan's emblem is wrong, Guy Gardner's hair is wrong, and the eye color for Flash, Rip Hunter, and Donna Troy are wrong.
<-------------------------------->
"CIUDADANO EQUIS."

TITLE: Citizen Rex (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 05 of 06.

CULPRIT: Mario or Gilbert Hernandez (letterers).

DISSECTION: Shame on you Hernandez Brothers! You are Hispanic, and you should know better than to make accented letters smaller. Fuck, I'm really pissed about this: ÁAÉEÍIÓOÚUÂAÄAÀAÅAÊEËEÈEÏIÎIÌIÔOÖOÒOÛUÙUÖOÜU!!!! THEY'RE ALL THE SAME SIZE!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.
<-------------------------------->
"DISSECTOR CORPS."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 42.

CULPRIT: Peter Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: STOP!!! Don't read this dissection, go check the second Moment Of The Week, then come back.

S

P

O

I

L

E

R

S


W

A

R

N

I

N

G

Done? Okay, Kyle Rayner dies, and his ring says ""Green Lantern 2814 deceased"... Kyle and Guy are from Space Sector 2814, as Terrans, but they're not 2814 lanterns. Hal and John are 2814.1 and 2814.2; Guy and Hal are part of the Honor Guard, which is not something that depends on their sector of origin.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, your regular wrong badges on Kilowog and Guy Gardner.
<-------------------------------->
"B.E.A.S.T."

TITLE: S.W.O.R.D. (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Steven Sanders (penciller).

DISSECTION: You know, it helps to check character references when working on a comic issue. Beast looks like this, according to Sanders:


Uhm... WHAT??!?!?!? He looks like one of the multiple versions of Star Wars' Bothans.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, if Lockheed is assigned to the Stiletto Zero (a S.W.O.R.D. spaceship), how does he end up on the other ship with McCoy and Brand?
<-------------------------------->
"RISKY BUSSINESS"

TITLE: X-Force V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 21.

CULPRIT: Clayton Crain (colorist).

DISSECTION: Say, Clayton, why would a person whose mother was Native American, and his father Cuban, have blue eyes? Risque's eyes should be brown, not blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, "ncreasing", instead of "increasing"? Bastion's speech processors are broken.
<-------------------------------->
"CLAREMONT FOREVER."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Check this one out. And it's not precisely the use of the word "tovarishti", although it's more often Romanized as "tovarishchi".


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"KRYS KLAREMONT."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Chris, Chris, Chris... it's Illyana Nikolievna Rasputina (or Rasputin, Romanization options again), not Nikovna...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Of course, there's a few accented letters that are smaller than they should be, and Ororo's eyes are blank when she's not using her powers; while the Black Widow's eyes should be green, not blue.
<-------------------------------->
We ended up with a 6.4 Bazzars average in seventy-two dissections... that's a heap of dissections... of course, we had "The Good, The Bad..."; imagine if we had a Zorro issue on the same week! Cover of the week was pretty much a given:


I can't draw, but I know that deciding how to make this cover was pretty easy, but it doesn't stop me from liking it. Now, Moments Of The Week!!! First up, Tony Bedard scares me:


In a good way, because I'm not in the DC Universe. Vril Dox with a power ring!!! Speaking of power rings:


Whoa... I don't know if it's going to stick, but... whoa... Now, one of the little details that make Gravel a good British book:


I laughed; a measured and controlled laugh, but I laughed. Speaking of Britons:


Hellboy draws Excalibur!!! Now, the sequence from which our Quote Of The Week came from:


I laughed hard this time. Almost done with these Moments, Zero shows us a neat trick:


I'll remember it for my roleplaying sessions... And for a grand finale, speaking of RPGs:


Gary Jackson Lives!!!

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #139.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"The men of the Bronze Age were the children of humans and gods. They performed great deeds, rid the world of giant monsters, pursued the Golden Fleece on the Argo and waged war against Troy. (...) Now, we suffer through the doleful Iron Age. (...) The once-sacred powers of the gods are made mockery by freaks of science who wear their underwear on the outside of their clothing!" Hera, Assault On New Olympus.

Welcome to the column for the first week of November, 11/04. There are a few books I haven't received yet, and also a few back issues I included here, mostly in The Rundown, but the Best Book Of The Week is from some weeks ago. Last issue's DT! was spotted by JohnnyDoe, and it was the fact that James Rhodes' mother is colored as a Caucasian, instead of a black woman. Good job, Lieutenant, two more badges and you make Lt. Commander!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Like I said, Best Book Of The Week is actually a bit older, since there wasn't anything that really jumped out at me this week. I'm talking about Ex Machina #46; not as good as other issues of that book, but always, always solid. Worst Book Of The Week was Magog #3. Not only is that book pointless (and I'm dropping it starting next month, since there's nothing in it for me, not even curiosity as in the case of Loeb's Hulk), but it's horribly drawn, and there were like ten caption boxes of Magog's thoughts to each speech balloon. Book's not pretty? Not interesting? And it's not even dynamic? Bleh.

Here's The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man Presents - Anti-Venom: New Ways to Live (language mistakes), Assault On New Olympus (Hercules' eyes should be blue, not brown, it's U.S.Agent, not USAgent), Batman Confidential (wrong eye color in a character, wrong emblem on Batman, horribly drawn map), Black Widow: Deadly Origin (Wolverine and the Black Widow get wrong eye colors), Captain America: Reborn (a letter "V" is not Doctor Doom's crest, and his eyes are not red), Dark Reign - The List: Hulk (wrong eye colors), Dark Reign - The List: Wolverine (Wolverine's eyes should be blue, not brown), Deadpool Team-Up (accented letter, Hercules' eyes, Arcade's eyes), Deathlok V4 (the word is "dispute", not "despute", and is it "Rand" or "Brand"?), Doctor Voodoo: Avenger Of The Supernatural (accented letters), Ex Machina (accented letters), Greek Street ("cant" instead of "can't"), Star Trek: Romulans Schism (again with the Klingon emperor), Warlord V4 (characters' eyes disappear, Shakira's eyes change to brown for the last page), Wildcats V5 (accented letter), X-Men Origins: Iceman (the Xavier mansion looks wrong). Dissections!!!
<-------------------------------->
"A BAT WITHOUT SONAR."

TITLE: Batman: The Unseen (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Doug Moench (writer).

DISSECTION: Not only is Batman's costume awful again, but now he can't fight against an unseen enemy (who's just a scientist, not a fighter). Only after he's hit a few times he decides to turn on his infrared lenses. Yeah, right.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Commissioner Gordon has a hard time believing someone can turn invisible? Pfft.
<-------------------------------->
"KEVIN, READ UP ON YOUR AQUAMAN."

TITLE: Batman: The Widening Gyre (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06.

CULPRIT: Kevin Smith (writer).

DISSECTION: If you want to write things in continuity, be up to speed with continuity. Aquaman makes an appearance, and it's classic Aquaman, Orin aka Arthur, because of the costume, and the familiarity which with he talks to Bruce, and about J'onn and others from the League. And this is during the time when Tim Drake wore his post OYL costume (which by the way, has the wrong emblem).

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Bruce Wayne's body has scars that look... like someone played tic tac toe on his skin, not like real scars; plus there's none on his legs, at all.
<-------------------------------->
"IT'S THERE FAULT."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 138.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: We have a new Lieutenant in the HDSC, Mr. Donald313. In his own words: "Okay, I´m late. But you said I only need one more badge, and you also nitpick tiny mistakes, so I´m gonna reach out. In your dissection about the Marvel Divas #4 you write "their presence their" when it should be "their presence there". I feel dirty now, but anything for a promotion :)".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TEMPEST BLEDSOE."

TITLE: Doom Patrol V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Keith Giffen (writer).

DISSECTION: I understand that New Earth is a new continuity; although it is a lot like Post Crisis Earth, much like the latter was mostly Earth-1, with bits and pieces of Earth-2, Earth-S and the other Earths that survived the Antimatter Wave; unless you specifically reboot something. For example, Superman's origin after Crisis was changed, and his continuity completely rebooted; his continuity hasn't been rebooted after Infinite Crisis, but there is a retelling of his origin.

However, changing a character's powers complete and utterly, just because, without any (apparent, at least as of yet) significance? No, I find that unacceptable. Tempest's (Joshua Clay, not Garth) powers have been changed from energy blasts to... weather control. Unless there's some kind of explanation, even if it's just Giffen saying "New Earth".

After some research, I found out that some five years after Tempest's first appearance (Showcase V1 #94, 1977), Giffen pencilled DC Comics Presents #52 (1982), where Clay shoots cyclone-style blasts and flies propelled by some sort of fog. That issue is written by Kupperberg; and Clay refers to his powers as "mutant-blasts", and talks about creating vortexes. None of that was there in the Showcase issues; where they were just "power blasts", also written by Kupperberg.

On the 1978 issues of Superman Family (Supergirl/Doom Patrol stories by Gerry Conway) he has "blast powers", and the 1983 issues of "The Daring New Adventures Of Supergirl" by Kupperberg he has "force-blasts", which look like cyclones, but are never said to have anything to do with weather. In the late 80s, when Paul Kupperberg used Tempest in V2 of the Doom Patrol book. And Kupperberg wrote that DC Comics Presents story, so if he corrected his powers for his DP run, he must have realized it was a mistake.

I like how Kupperberg writes, but he also refers to "Lazarus" as "Lazurus", so I wouldn't put it past his early eighties self to use the word "vortexes" without checking what it meant really, and Giffen just drawing it as, well, vortexes; given that the character's name is "Tempest". For some reason, almost 30 years later, Giffen decides Tempest has weather powers... well, understandable, but I will still consider it a mistake unless there was a story need for it... or Giffen says it's just a retcon he decided to do because he damned well pleased.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. As usual, also, Rita Farr's eyes are colored incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"MASTERS OF DISSECTION."

TITLE: House Of M: Masters Of Evil (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Christos N. Gage (writer) and/or Manuel Garcia (penciller).

DISSECTION: This one is easy:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ROGUE GLOVE."

TITLE: House Of M: Masters Of Evil (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Manuel Garcia (penciller) and/or Chris Sotomayor (colorist).

DISSECTION: Rogue steals someone's powers by touching them... wearing gloves.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, The Hood has blue eyes, when they should be brown.
<-------------------------------->
"MONSTURODEFENSOFORZO!"

TITLE: Psylocke (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Chris Yost (writer).

DISSECTION: Japanese security forces stop Psylocke at the airport, saying that mutants are not welcome, and they know who she is... yet they don't bring any kind of psychic protection? Not believable.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, I doubt it'd be the police, as Psylocke refers to them, it should be the Self-Defense Forces guarding an airport, guarding the country against foreign mutants.
<-------------------------------->
"WRONG ASIAN COUNTRY."

TITLE: Psylocke (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Harvey Tolibao (penciller) and Ulises Arreola & Brian Reber (colorists).

DISSECTION: Why do Japanese policemen look like Chinese soldiers, complete with a RED STAR ON THEIR CAPS AND HELMETS?!??!!??! I don't care if they're some special anti-metahuman task force (which brings us to the previous dissection), Japanese cops and soldiers don't look like Chinese ones. Psst, guys... try giving them a white or gold sakura blossom on the caps and helmets... it's a bit more Japanese. The air branch of the Self-Defense Forces wears stars with other stuff, but not like these uniforms:


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, Psylocke's eyes in Kwannon's body should be violet, not blue.
<-------------------------------->
"STRANGE TALES INDEED."

TITLE: Strange Tales V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03 of 03.

CULPRIT: Paul Hornschemeier (writer/full author, though I'm categorizing this as a writing dissection).

DISSECTION: Since when does Nightcrawler "cast a gateway" in front of him to jump through in his teleporting? Has Hornschemeier ever read or at least LOOKED at a comic book with Nightcrawler in it?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So this all brings us to a 6.5 Bazzars average on forty-seven dissections. Good. Now, the Cover Of The Week is nothing special, but the best on a bunch of regular covers:


Greek Street is a fun, if not particularly special book to read. Not for kids, though. Moments Of The Week? Certainly! First up, another Mage: The Ascension parallel:


Okay, so you're not much of a gamer? No more roleplaying stuff for today. We do have some Hercules:


Yes, THAT Hercules. Parker Luck, anyone? No? More Hercules? Sure!


How much booze does Herc have to drink to get his eyes red? Dunno, but I lied about the roleplaying stuff:


I love the Black Hands, and Gordo is one of my favorite characters from all the KODTverse. Yeah, this is from an old issue, but I'm catching up on my Knights. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!