The Dissector #172.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"The Phoenix Force is a crazy powerful cosmic firebird entity that for some reason seems to be attracted to earthbound redheads (I can relate)." Spider-Man, Astonishing Spider-Man & Wolverine #2.

Let's make this quick, so I can be caught-up (only to end up late again, but that's another matter). This is the column for books released on 07/14, and I just noticed that I hadn't mentioned the release date covered by a column in some time. The DT! from last column was cracked by Sidney, who correctly pointed out that Sarge Steel's hands had both been colored the same, without regard for his artificial hand.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was Captain America/Black Panther: Flags Of Our Fathers #4; good ending to a WWII-era adventure, which are always welcome in my reading list. Worst Book Of The week was Doc Savage #4, conclusion to the storyline; with art more rushed than previous issues, completely out of place with the book, and a jumbled plot that provided absolutely no entertainment.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (one of the Kravens is surprised that Spidey dodges a bullet, at one point Araña's name is misspelled "Añya", her shoes are colored incorrectly, she says she used to wear shorts, her "Ñ"s are all smaller than they should be, and the letter column Spidey-logo separators are pasted on top of text), Avengers Academy (inconsistent lettering in the credits page, accented letters), Batgirl V3 ("feelings" instead of "feeling"), Booster Gold V2 (the kid Booster brought from the future looks like a midget, Rip's eyes and hair are colored wrong), Comic Book Guy: The Comic (when you put up a video on the web, it's an "upload", not a "download"), The Expendables (accented letter), The Unwritten (accented letter), World War Hulks: Spider-Man Vs. Thor (Iceman's hair should be blond, not brown), X-Force Sex And Violence (Domino's skin turns normal for a page), X-Men: Hellbound (accented letters).
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"DISSECTION CLUBHOUSE."

TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 516.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one's for Legion fans:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"BIRDS OF DISSECTION."

TITLE: Birds Of Prey V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Ed Benes & Adriana Melo (pencillers).

DISSECTION: Hawk smashes the front of a tank, and pages later, the tank is unharmed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"ULTRA LACKING."

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Ultra Boy's power listing is incomplete... but I have to retract from the Marzal dissection from last issue, as it seems it's been removed from Earth... even then, if it's in another dimension and not just in another part of Earth, it's not Earth per se. Sidney, you're not losing a badge, don't worry.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, Projectra's eyes are colored incorrectly.
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"COLD."

TITLE: Titans V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Eric Wallace (writer).

DISSECTION: Facade, according to Deathstroke, doesn't have a heat signature, which means "he was just as much machine as he was man". Uhm... 1) Why wouldn't a machine be able to have a heat signature? It's not a vampire. 2) Why would, in a metahuman-riddled world, not having a heat signature mean it's a machine (accepting that's a defining characteristic of robots)? Couldn't it be a vampire? *grins*

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"HEROIC DICTIONARY."

TITLE: Uncanny X-Men: The Heroic Age (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: "Mutantcy", despite being part of a Darkwing Duck episode title, is not a word. And I'm pretty sure Mr. Fantastic would know that fact, and not use the term.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. There are other errors too; Beast is drawn by Steve Sanders as a Bothan again; Molly Hayes speaks of "that girl who came back" (Hope) that "everybody's talking about" (everybody who? Hope's story is most likely not known by the general public, and it's not like Molly hangs out at Utopia); the Thing is wearing boots; and Rogue's eyes are colored brown instead of green. Also, not a dissection, but why the hell is Cyclops killing dinosaurs willy-nilly in the Savage Land to blow off steam? It's completely out of character.
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"WORLD WAR WHU?"

TITLE: Hulk V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Jeph Loeb (writer).

DISSECTION: I just noticed this in World War Hulks: Captain America Vs. Wolverine #1, and I was going to blame writer Paul Tobin and artist Jacopo Camagni... but then I noticed this was actually a problem caused by Loeb's writing... I can't even blame Ed McGuinness (Hulk penciller).

Captain America (Barnes) and Wolverine get hulked up... right? All, or almost all of the heroes involved in this crossover got bombarded by gamma rays and hulked out. Okay? So, apart from how inane this plot is... how do gamma rays mutate Barnes' cybernetic arm (augmenting its size and making it grow spikes) and Wolverine's claws (changing their shapes and making them look as if they're made out of bone)? Not to mention the rest of Logan's adamantium-covered skeleton, or whatever other implants Cap might have (related to the arm or not).

If you really wanted to hulk out the heroes, gamma radiation isn't enough. Thor affected by gamma rays? Come on... Loeb should have included some sort of reality warping element (like the Marvel U is short on those) to the equation...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"IT WAS THE FIFTIES, HE GAVE THEM A NICE POLISHED FINISH."

TITLE: World War Hulks: Captain America Vs. Wolverine (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: Jacopo Camagni (penciller).

DISSECTION: Thought you were off the hook, Jacopo? Sorry, no. Wolverine, in the 50s, did not have metal claws. The adamantium implants are more recent.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Writer Tobin doesn't go blameless either; Wolverine acts like a gigantic wuss while being tortured with some knives, acid and pepper. That's Camagni's fault too, as are the mistakes on Cap's costume. Oh, and Wolverine has not been implanted with unbreakable bones and claws; his already existing skeleton (claws included) were bonded with adamantium. There is a difference, and anyone working on X-Men comics should know it... particularly when making a book about Wolverine.
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"KOLOSS."

TITLE: X-Men: Second Coming (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Zeb Wells (writer, chapter one).

DISSECTION: Ezequiel earns a badge by letting me know (before I read the book, I'm SURE I would have caught this) that Colossus answers Beast's "Are you ready?" question with "Ja"... Yo, Zeb... Colossus is Russian... the German guy is Nightcrawler. Piotr would probably answer "Da"... And if I wrote the X-Men, or any other comic with non-English speakers in it who carry out conversations in English with English speakers, he'd say "yes". Except for specific phrases, or impulsive utterances (like cursing, pet names, or religious matters), people who know the language well don't just inject random foreign words into their conversations with people who don't speak their native language.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. On that same chapter, Hellion's arms both look like they were severed from the wrist up; when his right forearm was severed almost completely.
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"WRONG COMPANY."

TITLE: X-Men: Second Coming (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Terry Dodson (penciller, chapter four).

DISSECTION: Namor should not have calf fins... those are the DC Atlanteans.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Namor's eyes should be grey, not blue.
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"IN-VISIBLE."

TITLE: X-Men Forever 2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer) and Tom Grummett (penciller).

DISSECTION: Rogue's invisibility to technology (thanks to Roma) is that: invisibility. Not "blurribility"...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, "Prognosis: Minimal" from a Sentinel is a completely nonsensical sentence.
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Now, forty-four dissections leave us with an average of 6.5 Bazzars; fully within normal parameters. Cover Of The Week is again for Darwyn Cooke's piece for The Murder Of King Tut; this time for the second issue:


Simplicity, beauty, adequate to the subject, yet not derivative. Moments Of The Week! Don't mess with the Black Panther:


You hear that, ratzi? Now, the X-Men get recognized as heroes:


Or at least Cyclops does... until the next time any mutant screws up, and the whole Marvel Universe Earth blames it on them! Next, while Scott Pilgrim's final volume was not all I expected, it was still fun, and provided us with classic Scott moments:


WIS 5... From the ashes of Second Coming rises the new X-Force:


... where everybody, including Archangel/Angel/Whateverthefuckwarrenwantstocallhimselfthis week needs BIG FUCKING GUNS! God, I'm having 90s flashbacks... Speaking of Second Coming:


Yeah, I didn't see that coming, at least not so soon... but it's neat. You know what's not neat?


Being cheap on art for a licensed book... Stargate: Blow Up Dolls: The Comics. Now, the Grim Hunt is over, and Spidey went a bit bad-ass on Lady Kraven:


Damn, that's gotta hurt... Well, she'd killed his clone, so he was pissed:


That's a nice touch on Pete's part... too bad it doesn't stick:


Dead is dead, of course. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #171.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I'm a sorcerer, motherfuckers! And I hereby declare your consciousness... EXPANDED!" Byzantium Mack, House Of Mystery V2 #27.

I know I'm late, but I've had a lot of work on my desk... the kind of work that actually pays my bills, so... no disrespect to my readers, but I'm sure you'll understand. On top of that, I was sick last week, and it was too cold to be outside my blankets in bed; and I'm not comfortable writing there. You wanna know how sick I was? Well, the first day I stayed at home (Wednesday) I didn't even had enough energy to read comics or listen to my favorite radio show live... that's how awful I felt.

Last column's DT was spotted by JohnnyDoe, the problem was that Iron Man's full name was given as "Anthony Edwards Stark"; it's "Edward". At least he didn't spot the other thing I did with that entry, see more later on. Let's get on with The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, shall we? Best Book Of The Week was Batman And Robin #13... yes, I know I haven't liked much of Morrison's recent output, but this book is the exception, and this particular issue was just... well-rounded. The script, the art... it didn't WOW me, but it did strike me as a very well crafted comic book.

Worst Book Of The Week also goes to Batman, in this case, Batman Refuse, err, Batman Confidential #46. Nothing memorable comes out of this book, and sometimes, it's even home to stuff that shouldn't even see the light of day... or the light of night, in this case. Kevin VanHook returns with a sequel to his Superman/Batman Vs. Vampires & Werewolves mini (or whatever that drivel was called). The art by Tom Mandrake is acceptable, but VanHook's script is lazy, and full of bad choices when it comes to the supernatural, as well as Superman's powers. For example, using sunlight as a weapon on zombies? Yes, they're usually creatures of the night, but they're not vampires. Not only that, but Superman's heat vision, while derived from the sun, is not sunlight... On top of that, even if they're magic creatures, Superman's weakness to magic would not prevent their bodies and clothes from catching fire from a wide-burst visible heat vision attack...

The Rundown: Avengers: The Children's Crusade (the font used for the credits has an "A" with an extra line above it, like an accent but not it... and it's on some "A"s, and not in others... and it's not consistent), Batman And Robin (the Joker likes to leave clues about his crimes, since when? also, both Batman emblems are wrong), Brightest Day (Hawkman's hair is the wrong color), Darkstar & The Winter Guard (English signs in a Russian installation?), Doom Patrol V5 (Rita's eyes are still colored incorrectly), Scarlet (accented letters), Sparta USA (accented letters), Spider-Man/Fantastic Four (Doom's eyes are colored incorrectly), X-Men V3 (Wolverine's eyes are colored incorrectly, plus "women" instead of "woman" in one of the ads), Young Allies (inconsistent lettering, just like in Children's Crusade).
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"ACTION DISSECTION!"

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 845.

CULPRIT: Dave Stewart (colorist).

DISSECTION: Just one from the Vault for the Dissect This!, because there was no good one for this week.


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"HOMEBOY."

TITLE: The Boys (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 44.

CULPRIT: Tony Aviña (colorist).

DISSECTION: Sidney noticed that the Homelander's trouser piping disappears between panels. Badge for him, and he makes the rank of Lt. Commander! Congratulations. Mr. Sidney!

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"IT'S EASY LIKE THAT."

TITLE: Fantastic Four V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual 32.

CULPRIT: Joe Ahearne (writer).

DISSECTION: Are we really supposed to believe that someone can walk up and into Reed Richard's lab, the heart of the Baxter Building, just because they have Johnny Storm's keycard? Really?

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Also, one dialogue later says "protction" instead of "protection".
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"BULLETPROOF MONK."

TITLE: JSA All-Stars (DC).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: Judomaster and Citizen Steel are sent first into battle because according to Hourman they're "impervious to gunfire". WRONG!!! Citizen Steel is invulnerable, but Judomaster's power (an "aversion field") only works on attacks specifically aimed at her. Bullet hails are not really aimed, not to speak of stray shots.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Atom Smasher's eyes and hair continue to be miscolored.
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"STOMP!"

TITLE: Thanos Sourcebook (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mike O'Sullivan (writer).

DISSECTION: Sidney earns another badge by pointing out that Gorgon's profile says that he can "stop his feet" to create seismic shockwave.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, the Nova Corps article uses the word "centurian" instead of "centurion".
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"JUST SHOOT ME."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 170.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (editor).

DISSECTION: I was working on the column, and I noticed I didn't have a DT!, so I went and plucked one out of The Rundown... and left it there too. No one seems to have noticed, though, until Sidney did, some time later. Another badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"WORDS AND PICTURES."

TITLE: Vengeance Of The Moon Knight (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Juan Jose Ryp (artist).

DISSECTION: Now, if the script has the Moon Knight thinking that you can crack a walnut on Captain America's chin cleft... don't you think you might wanna draw a cleft on Cap's chin? This issue had the cheesiest monologues ever, as well as poses that were even too much for a superhero book. That, and Ryp's art, while detailed, is not yet in sync with the Marvel Universe.

If Ryp wasn't so good, and the issue hadn't been a fun badass superhero romp, this would have been a candidate for Worst Book Of The Week. Oh, and if Batman Confidential had been any good...

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"FASTER! FASTER!"

TITLE: Vengeance Of The Moon Knight (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Gregg Hurwitz (writer).

DISSECTION: The Glove Of Asteria is a mystical artifact that projects a directed column of air moving at... the speed of light? THE SPEED OF LIGHT?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK, GREGG??!?!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, if Captain Barracuda's pirates on the ship's top deck are fighting the Avengers, and it's all kinds of noisy, why are some of them calmly dining below decks so they can be jumped by Moon Knight.
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"X-WOMEN: EUROSTYLE."

TITLE: X-Women (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Wow, this was painful to read; Claremont really managed to make me wince several times at how bad the writing was. Only Milo Manara's cheesecake art made it bearable. There are so many errors in this book, that I'll just list them in one entry:

* What the hell is up with Psylocke firing "TK blasts", like they are Havok's blasts, or Bishop's?

* Rogue inherits a villa on the Greek island of Kirinos? From whom? Even if she inherited from Mystique or Destiny, wouldn't the X-Men suspect a trap? Or at least not go on vacation to party?

* Psylocke's eyes are colored incorrectly.

* Rachel Summers and Shadowcat never shared a psychic rapport. That was Dani Moonstar and Rahne Sinclair.

* Kitty Pryde's eyes change from their correct brown to blue, then to brown again, then back to blue once more.

* Even if I can accept that a cargo cult in Madripoor could include Caucasian people, Claremont handles the concept incorrectly. What he shows as a cargo cult is more like a band of pirates or scavengers, and the things he writes regarding cargo cults are utter balderdash.

* The "cargo cult" children that Rogues guards and has known for about a few days are not "her" kids. It doesn't even look like she's speaking figuratively.

* All of a sudden, the cargo cult leader has mutant powers? What?

* "Now the Baroness just has to take psychic control of the target armies, start a few skirmishes... for which she can not only provide arms to India and China... and ultimately sweep in when the dust settles to become the dominant power in the region." Apart from how stupid the plan is, and the fact that India and China probably don't need an unknown party to supply them with arms... isn't that sentence missing a "but" component for the "not only" part?

* If this Baroness can inhibit mutant powers on her person (but not around her, because Psylocke can use her telekinesis very near her)... why the hell doesn't Betsy just use TK to fling something heavy at her, instead of trying to fire a blast directly at her?

* What's with everybody calling Rogue "Anna" all the time? Oh, yes I know that Anna Marie is her name, but no one calls her that on the comics, at least not regularly.

I finish reading it, and Joe Quesada writes in his afterword that I probably want to read it again? Hell no, I wish I hadn't read it at all!!!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars for the ridiculous "villa inheriting" plot starter. Various ratings for the other dissections.
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This week's average was 6.3 Bazzars in forty-three dissections, standard fare, Cover Of The Week was this simple, yet effective piece by Darwyn Cooke for The Murder Of King Tut #1:


Yes, it's simple, but it's very appropriate. The book itself is not bad, either, alternating between chronicling what happened before Tut's birth, his ascension and so forth, and showing Howard Carter's start in Egyptology and his eventual discovery of the famous tomb. Recommended reading if you're into this stuff. Now, Moments Of The Week.... from The Boys:


It's the policy of truth! Then, even in the future, don't mess with Hercules:




Damn... Skipping over to DC, look at this:


It's like a watching a baby saying "da-da" for the first time! Now, back to Marvel, Dr. Doom's hench-scientists know the first rule of technical work:


The Scotty Time Rule!!! Now, you know who's a practical man?


Bane. And tell me, what's a day like this called in Marvel's New York City?


Thursday. The Smurfs return and show us how useful their language is:


You can curse all you want! Next, Anna Mercury:


Oh, no, it's the Black Widow... sorry. From the same book, the Moon Knight shows his combat prowess:


Yeah, well... even action books should have their limits, and I don't think Moon Knight should be so good with a bow and arrow. And now, last, Marvel teases us:


The only good thing about X-Women, and it's just tease. If like me, you've read Milo Manara's classics like Perfume Of The Invisible or Click (and if you don't, and you're 18 or older, do it), you'll know how much we're missing out here. I'd love to see Manara's sketchbook for this issue... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Creator sighting!

Back in March, when the Autopsy Awards were published, I notified all positive award recipients of their winning; as directly as I could. A lot of them responded, and that was very neat. I sent the following to Stephen Wacker, editor of the Spider-Man books:

"Hello, for your work in Amazing Spider-Man, I'm honored to present you with Best Book Of The Year: Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel), Best Book Of The Week twelve weeks in the year (being a weekly book), and a consistently good read, and Best Character Of The Year: Spider-Man, great characterization and art. (And awesome coordination by the editorial team.)

The Dissector"

And the other day, Steve finally replied the following:

"Thanks, Magnus von Tesla. I'm just seeing this now as I've been away from Facebook for a long while.

On behalf of the whole crew...IU'm absolutely terrified of your picture.

Best
SW"

Thank you Steve for your reply, and my picture has fulfilled one of its purposes!!!

The Dissector #170.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Oh, and it's not a ghost. It's a perturbation of consciousness in a previously unknown incorporeal medium." Dr. Atomic Robo Tesla, about Undead Edison, Atomic Robo And The Revenge Of The Vampire Dimension #4.

Late again, I know, but cut me a break... I'm sad because my vacation is at an end, I go back to work next Monday! Last week's DT! was cracked by David, who earns himself another badge. In the picture I showed, how the hell is Superman carrying Lois Lane? I mean... is she all tensed up, in some sort of super-gymnast pose?!?!

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo And The Revenge Of The Vampire Dimension #4... even without any vampires. It features the return of Edison... or the first appearance of Undead Edison (or Undeadison, as I like to call him), and it's the usual perfect mix of humor, pulp, scifi, and just plain good comic book-ery.

Worst Book Of The Week? Heralds #5... last issue of the mini; a story that could have been told in a one-shot, but instead was rammed down our throats one issue a week, and according to Tom Brevoort, the writer and the artists were very ahead in the work, enough to publish it weekly. Yeah... so, apart from the cookie-cutter plot, how do you explain these:



I'll allow for artists not drawing every single face in background characters (but not when one character gets a face, and the one next to that one doesn't), but this is too much. How can those panels be called anything but half-assed? I normally enjoy Kathryn Immonen's work, and Tonci Zonjic's art is good, but this... I don't know. Oh, yeah, I know... it sucks.

The Rundown: Abe Sapien: The Abyssal Plain (translated from "the" Russian?), The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: American Son (Norman's eyes), Angel Negro Especial ("protejer" instead of "proteger"), Astonishing X-Men (Storm's eyes shouldn't be blank if she's not using her powers), Doomwar (wrong military rank for Jim Rhodes), Ghost Projekt (if the Russian characters are talking in Russian, why are they constructing broken sentences?), Invincible Iron Man (Mandarin's eyes should be blue, not green, and why does the obviously Chinese director have green eyes?), Iron Man: Kiss And Kill (Tony Stark drinking booze willingly after he's gone sober? And his middle name is "Edward", not "Edwards"), Joker's Asylum II: Clayface (ridiculous cape and bat ears), Justice League Of America V2 (wrong shape for Alan Scott's lantern), Justice Society Of America V3 (Captain Nazi's medals again, plus they announce JLA #44 for next month), The New Avengers: Luke Cage (Danielle Cage), Prince Of Persia: Before The Sandstorm (accented letter), Spider-Ham 25th Anniversary Special (the cover says "Anniversay"), Thor V1 (accented letters, Wonder Woman V1 (accented letter, and Cassandra Cain acting like she's Stephanie Brown), X-Campus (Caldecott County is not in Georgia, it's in Mississippi; Wolverine's eyes are green in the comic, but blue in the next issue preview), X-Men: Curse Of the Mutants Saga (Weapon Plus was a US project, but Weapon X was an offshoot with US funds, but Canadian management, not just US).
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"ONE, TO, THREE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 169.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: David noticed that I wrote "two", instead of "to", when I dissected Green Lantern Corps... another badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Snakebyte also noticed that I forgot to put a volume number in LSH for the dissections, then I wrote "Mon-El's detailed" instead of "Mon-El's is detailed"; and I also changed the name of X-Men: Second Coming to "X-Men: Second Calling".
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"IRON MAN: KISS AND DISSECT."

TITLE: Iron Man: Kiss And Kill (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Karl Kesel (writer).

DISSECTION: What's wrong here?


DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. Also, why is Tony Stark, even undercover, drinking alcohol willingly, in a story that's obviously set in modern times, when he's sober?
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"MARZAL: OUT OF THIS WORLD."

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Sidney noticed that Tyroc's homeworld is listed as "Marzal", when Marzal is an island on Earth (dimensionally shifted, yes, but still on Earth).

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Badge for Sidney, one more and you make Lt. Commander.
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"IDENTITY CRISIS."

TITLE: The New Avengers V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Stuart Immonen (penciller).

DISSECTION: With Clint Barton in his Hawkeye costume, Immonen decided to add Ronin in there for good measure. Tom Brevoort admitted to the error, and said they tried to remove all Ronin's from the pictures before printing, but they missed one.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"THE FAMOUS VULCAN ELBOW PINCH."

TITLE: Star Trek: Burden Of Knowledge (IDW).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Scott & David Tipton (writers).

DISSECTION: Spock attempts to render one of the muppet-bird aliens unconscious, but their physiology is not similar to the usual humanoid types. According to Spock "... this race lacks a discernible shoulder necessary for the nerve pinch..." SHOULDER??!?!!? It's the Vulcan NECK pinch!!! (Or nerve pinch, I know.)

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"THIS RADIO HAS STATIC."

TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 84.

CULPRIT: Felicia D. Henderson (writer).

DISSECTION: Trying to find Raven in a mystical dimension, the Teen Titans need to come up with a plan. Static Shock, who apparently can generate radio waves (plausible), wants to bounce waves all over the area, to find objects that give a "radio ping" different to the dimension's standard. Okay, I can go with that... but why does he need Kid Flash to generate a vortex by moving his hand in circles to make his radio waves travel? And if he can hear radio waves (as he's done in his comics and TV show), why does he need Superboy to fly up and listen to them? Come to think of it, how is Superboy talking to him, trying to tell him something he doesn't want Wonder Girl to hear, if she's less than two meters from Static Shock?

What?

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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What a low average! 5.5 Bazzars in forty-one dissections... pretty low. Okay, let's end this thing quick... Cover Of The Week goes to Flash #3:


By Greg Horn, amazingly, it's not traced porn... or it's a very weird sexual position... Now, Moments Of The Week... first, the kind of stuff I love about Atomic Robo:


UNDEADISON!!! Then, speaking of mad scientists and their descendants:


Not ringing a bell? Well, it seems that Captain Swing (Jonathan Rheinhardt) seems to be an ancestor of Doktor Sleepless (John Reinhardt). There might be a typo in Swing’s name, but I’ll let it slide, as some names are spelled different, specially when someone emigrates to another country. Next, Lobo has some fun;


And great fun it is. But he eventually leaves Earth, and he took a souvenir:


Oh, shit... that's one of the scariest things I've seen in comics in a long time.... Now, from a very off-beat comic I picked up last week, Werewolves Of Montpellier:


It wasn't at all what I expected (I expected French Victorian werewolves, to be honest), but it was entertaining, and it had this very Seinfield moment. And last, while I didn't expect much from X-Campus, I certainly didn't expect this:


Magneto, turned into a tinted-glassed, soul-patched douche.... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #169.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Can't waste precious neurons on likeable morons (...)" Brainiac 5, Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #2.

I know I'm late, but I'm on vacation, so... This is the column for books released on 06/23, and nobody cracked the DT! last week. Look at the bottle's label... it says "ce Australia", for "Produce Australia". That should be "producT OF Australia"... it was subtle, I know.

What are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? Best Book Of The Week was Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 #2, Levitz keeps showing he understands this team, and Yildiray Cinar's art (with Francis Portela's help this time) is a perfect blend of classic and modern. Worst Book Of The Week? It was almost Sea Bear & Grizzly Shark #1, but then I realized that book wasn't actually that bad, it was just not to my liking. No, Worst Book was The Authority: The Lost Year #9... just bland, with poor jokes, and a complete waste of a 22-page comic book story.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man (Araña's first name should be "Anya" not "Añya", plus, the ñ's are the wrong size), Angel (Connor's eyes are the wrong color), Avengers V4 (wrong eye colors on Iron Man and Namor), Batman: Streets Of Gotham (Batman's gloves are wrong), Batman: The Return Of Bruce Wayne (Hal Jordan's gloves are colored wrong), Blackbeard: Legend Of The Pyrate King (accented letters), Detective Comics (Batman's gloves, what else?), Fantastic Four (a space is missing in the cover lettering, Leech's head looks wrong), Iron Man Legacy ("neigboring"), Justice League: Generation Lost (the KFB doesn't exist anymore, Batman's gloves and belts are wrong), Justice League: The Rise Of Arsenal (Hawkgirl's hair is colored wrong), Namora V2 (geez Namora, the Atlantean settlers you went to find HAVE BLANK EYES, didn't that clue you in to the fact they were being controlled by an ancient sea god? Oh, wait, it was just the artist being lazy... and the writer thinks "Camden" is the city were Nitro exploded before Civil War), Origins Of Marvel Comics (Reed Richards' eyes should be brown, Xavier's school has never been for "exceptional youngsters", Wakanda doesn't sell Vibranium, T'Chaka wasn't killed in a Vibranium theft attempt, the Black Cat doesn't rob the rich to give to the poor, Iron Fist doesn't do "kung fu", or even "wu shu" if we were being technical, it's Mark Texeira, not "Texiera"), Power Girl V2 (Guy Gardner's hair is colored wrong), Sea Bear & Grizzly Shark ("missle"), Secret Warriors (Dum Dum Dugan's first name is "Timothy", not "Thaddeus"), Superman/Batman (accented letter), Thunderbolts (Norse trolls look nothing like they should), X-Factor V3 (M doesn't have blue eyes, Jeromy Cox!!!), X-Men Legacy ("pule" rifle).
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"ADAM'S APPLE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 168.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Vice Admiral of the HDSC Snakebyte noticed I wrote "Art Adam's" instead of "Art Adams'". Badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"GREEN TIME."

TITLE: Green Arrow V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: JT Krul (writer).

DISSECTION: Due to the fact that three issues of Green Arrow/Black Canary were called "Green Arrow", or rather, "Black Lantern Green Arrow", this could be V5... but I'm going to consider those Black Lantern issues to be just a "cover gimmick". Anyhow, the problem here is that according to Green Arrow, the events in JLA: Cry For Justice were six months ago... it doesn't jive with the rest of the DCU timeline right now...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Hal Jordan's badge is wrong too.
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"JET BLACK BEAUTY."

TITLE: Green Hornet (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Kevin Smith (writer).

DISSECTION: Come on Kevin, do you really expect us to believe that the Black Beauty can do MACH FIVE?!??!?! Five times the speed of sound?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Fantasy is one thing, ridiculousness is another.
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"BADGES, THEY ARE A CHANGING."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 49.

CULPRIT: Ardian Syaf (penciller).

DISSECTION: It gets stupid... John Stewart's badge is wrong to begin with, then it changes to another wrong shape, and then two a third shape...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, three times. And Kyle's badge is wrong too.
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"UNDER THE RADAR."

TITLE: Joker's Asylum II: Killer Croc (DC)

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mike Raicht (writer).

DISSECTION: Are we really supposed to believe that Killer Croc can work as enforcer for an upstart mob boss for two weeks without GCPD and Batman not hearing about it, while he performs bloody assassinations for his master?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU FUNK."

TITLE: Legion Of Super-Heroes (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Paul Levitz (writer).

DISSECTION: Okay, Tyroc has sonic powers, how the hell is he using them in space? Legionnaires can talk to each other in space because their flight rings have communication devices that are probably telepathic in part, or whatever other technology that works similarly... but how is he sonically blasting rocks in space?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Ultra Boy's power listing is incomplete, when Mon-El's detailed.
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"DISSECT THIS NEVERENDING BATTLE."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 700.

CULPRIT: Bernard Chang (penciller).

DISSECTION: What's wrong here? And no, it's not Superman's horrible face...


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Batman's emblems are wrong in one story.
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An average of 6.3 Bazzars in fifty three dissections is pretty normal around these parts... Now, Cover and Moments... Yeah, I know I'm easy, but this propaganda piece by Tony Harris and JD Mettler is the Cover Of The Week:


Russian propaganda posters are one of my weaknesses. First Moment Of The Week is the return of Tyroc:


What the hell? Couldn't he keep the 'fro or a modern uniform inspired by his classic one? Bald, and wearing that uniform, he looks like Synch. Next, watch out, Arcade!


Reality Warp Kid is coming after you!!! Then, something... unsettling...


Oookay... Now, what's the U.S.Agent up to since his rather gruesome fate during Siege?


Oh, a desk job! He doesn't want "actual" cybernetic implants because he doesn't want to be a cyborg like Nuke, the guy who maimed him... but he had not problem getting powers from the Power Broker. Next, if you thought Nick Fury was a bastard, check out Ultimate Nick Fury:


Oh no, he didn't! Then, from X-Men: Second Calling, Magneto battles the Nimrods... with his mostly metal asteroid as his weapon!


And last, Cypher "gets it":


It's just a matter of language, after all... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!