Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Dissector #178.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)


"Science to the rescue once more!" Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man #643.

Late, late again, I know. Work has been hectic... you know, the work that actually pays my bills? Doesn't mean I'll let my readers down, though! Nobody cracked last column's DT; and I can tell you (while I watch Stargate Universe) that it was the fact that the Jaffa says he was the Prime of Sobek, but he had no tattoo on his forehead, as all Jaffa in service to a Goa'uld should (in fact, his should be gold, as Prime).

Here are the Dissector's Picks Of The Week! Best Book Of The Week is actually a tie between X-Factor #209 and Captain America: Patriot #1. In X-Factor, Peter David is an excellent team book writer, and any character he doesn't have previous experience with, he studies and gets. Newcomer Emanuela Lupacchino's art is crisp and clear, making characters different and with great facial expressions... she does have a bit of room for improvement still, mainly in background figures. For the Patriot book, Karl Kesel is a veteran character writer, and he gets the 40s dialogue and feel perfectly. For a book with a lot of narration (in the form of newspaper articles), it reads easily. Artist Mitch Breitweiser, with colorist and wife Bettie Breitweiser, draw a story that's both modern and WWII... like a (good) propaganda poster come to life.

Worst Book Of The Week was Justice Society Of America Special... wow, this was a bad book. Not horrible, but just... failed. Scott Kolins writes as well as pencils, and as much as I don't really like his art, his writing is even worse. The plot is disjointed, the dialogues are wooden... and his art, well, his figures are not that well suited to superheroes, in my opinion, particularly because of the bright colors Hi-Fi gives them. Haven't read this? Don't read it, unless you’re a big JSA fan.

The Rundown: Avengers And The Infinity Gauntlet (Doom's eyes are colored incorrectly, Wolverine's height is wrong), Battlefields ("formate"?), Birds Of Prey V3 ("muy" thai?), DC Universe Legacies (accented letters), Justice Society of America Special ("tyrrany", Magog's eyes are both normal, and one has an Horus symbol around it, which has never been there before, nor his powers have any Egyptian basis), Our Fighting Forces (Johnny Cloud's eyes shouldn't be blue, wrong uses of the German language), Shadowland: Power Man (accented letter that's a flat line and a small letter, then a correctly accented letter on all counts; plus a weird name for a Hispanic character, which gets a low rating, but it's more probable than "Ignatio" was Van Lente trying to spell "Ignacio", rather than the right name he was looking for), Spider-Man/Fantastic Four (accented letter), Web Of Spider-Man V2 (accented letters, but one correct... I mean, individual letterers can get it right in one book, wrong in another, and now wrong and right within pages? come on, pay more attention to your own work!), Young Allies (inconsistent credit lettering, accented letters, opening question marks missing from Spanish dialogues, when opening exclamation marks are used for other dialogues).

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 177.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 noticed that I wrote "Batman and Alfred treat is other is just plain wrong", it should have been "each other". Badge for him.


TITLE: Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (DC).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Peter Tomasi (writer).

DISSECTION: One for the Green Lantern fans:

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, Kilowog's badge and ring are wrong, then his badge changes shape. On the other hand, Guy, Arisia, and Kilowog are shown flying out on an extended trip to the "unknown sector" without their power batteries visible... are we supposed to believe they're going away for a long time without their batteries? Obviously, they carry them inside their rings. So stop using the lazy "ring charge--low!" plot device, please.

TITLE: Ides Of Blood (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 02 of 06.

CULPRIT: Stuart C. Paul (writer).

DISSECTION: Okay, the anachronistic language has gone too far. I can't let something like "HAIL @#$%ING CAESAR." pass without considering it a fucking dissection.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Plus, there is also a phrase that, apart from using the word "fart", repeats parts of itself without apparent reason.

TITLE: The Spirit V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Paul Smith (penciller) and/or Sergio Aragones & Mark Evanier (writers).

DISSECTION: Donald313 strikes back again, and lets me know that in this issue, from April 2008, a beauty pageant contestant is announced as Ms. Japan, but she's wearing a "Ms. China" sash. You get another badge, and you earned your promotion to Commander! Congratulations! That's your twenty-sixth badge; reach forty-one and you make Captain, and get your own ship to command!

By the way, you say you weren't reading the column back then, in 2008, and you asked if it existed. The column was first published in 2005, in CBEM #549 (here's a link to a re-posting of the first one); and then in blog form since December 2006.


TITLE: X-Factor V1 (Marvel). Yes, I went back to V1, like with other renumber/continuation books.

ISSUE: 209.

CULPRIT: David Yardin (cover penciller).

DISSECTION: I can't believe I didn't notice this one... I'm ashamed, as a roleplayer, that I missed this one... but luckily, my new aide-de-camp, HDSC Commander Donald313, had my back. The cover shows Longshot playing craps; and one of the dice he throws has the numbers 2 and 5 on adjoined faces; when they should be on opposite ones; as each pair of opposite faces in a six-sided die should add up to seven.

Plus, I know now that "die" in German is "Würfel"... and the plural is "Würfels"... nice.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Madrox's eyes are colored green, when they should be brown.
Thirty-four dissections, and a 6.0 Bazzar average... on the low end of the usual. Cover Of The Week is by Yuko Shimizu, for The Unwritten:

A board game? The issue actually turns out to be a choose your own adventure books! Now, Moments of The Week; first one's a gay fashion showdown in old west:

That made me chuckle... Next, another smile, but this time from Spidey:

Not just one, but two... and this one he shares with an unlikely companion:

Doom's a trekkie? Hah! Now, you know what I said about Lupacchino's art? Well, take a look at this:

Wolfsbane's never looked that good. And Lupacchino also makes the casino scenes very fun:

She's perfectly suited for a fun book like X-Factor. And here's the last scene from Captain America: Patriot:

Powerful, isn't it? That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Dissector #177.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)


"A Robin who even brings his own crowbar to the party? You might be the funniest one yet." The Joker, Batman And Robin #14.

Late again, but not that late! Here are the dissections found in books (mostly) released on 09/09. Some of my books are arriving late, so this column contains some stuff from 09/01, and some stuff from 09/01 and 09/09 arrived after I started writing this, so they'll end up in next column. HDSC Commander JohnnyDoe caught the DT!, and earns himself his twenty-ninth badge... you have a stretch until you reach Captain at 41 badges. The dissection to spot last column was that the black guy with a green shirt throws the keys at the other guy (who's actually Asian, IIRC), with different skin color and a purple shirt; but they show the dark-skinned, green-shirted hand/arm catching it.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are both Bat-books... Best Book Of The Week is Batman And Robin #14; it's just good writing on Morrison's part, none of that attempted lysergic claptrap he does sometimes, and the art by Frazer Irving is spot on, too. Don't get me wrong, the issue is not amazing by any stretch, but it's good Batman, and from Morrison, who in recent years hasn't been very good in my view (except on this book). Worst Book Of The Week, unfortunately, is by someone I revere as a true master of comic book art: Neal Adams. However, it seems he's not a very good writer... the dialogue in Batman: Odyssey #3 is stiff, out of character (the way Batman and Alfred treat is other is just plain wrong), and the plot hardly flows as it should. A pity; the first two issues weren't awful, but they were kind of poor plot-wise, but this one? Blech...

The Rundown: Adventure Comics V1 (Ultra Boy's powers are incomplete, time travel technobabble is rubbish, Oracle's eyes are colored incorrectly), The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Dr. Strange's eyes are miscolored, accented letter), Batman (Bat emblems, a gigantic bat-tracer), Daredevil (blank eyes on a character), Doom Patrol V5 (Elasti-Girl's eyes are colored incorrectly, and the assessment about Kryptonian anatomy is bullcrap), Freedom Fighters V2 (accented letter), Green Lantern V4 (Hal's badge is wrong, and it changes between pages), Invaders Now! (Namor's eyes are colored incorrectly), X-Men V3 (Jubilee's eyes are colored incorrectly, then change to the right color).

TITLE: B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth - New World (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 01 and 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Scott Allie (editor) and/or Samantha Robertson (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: Editor Scott Allie tells us readers in the letter column of the first issue that "the B.P.R.D. series that started in 2002 with Hollow Earth has ended with King Of Fear, and now we're into a new series- B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth, of which New World is the first arc. (...) But the name of the book is now B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth, with subtitles."

Now, this is all fine and dandy, because as you might have noticed if you read B.P.R.D., all of the miniseries feature in the credits a note that says "number ## in a series"; to show that it's all the same series, even if it's not published as a regular ongoing title. And now, it's a new series, "B.P.R.D.: Hell On Earth"... but why are issues #1 and #2 marked as "number 69" and "number 70" ("in a series").


TITLE: Batman: Odyssey (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 13.

CULPRIT: Neal Adams (writer).

DISSECTION: There are several coloring errors in this book, apart from the bad writing. Now, I won't consider the bad dialogues as dissections, mostly... but when Batman solves one of the Riddler's, well, riddles, because "water rhymes with order". Yeah, I couldn't find any way to actually rhyme those two words unless you speak in a heavy Jersey Shore accent and "order" sounds more like "oughter"...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Unfortunately, Adams also makes mistakes in Robin's costume. Since it's early in Batman's career, as established in the first issue, it can't be Tim Drake, nor Jason Todd... yet this Robin is wearing a costume resembling Tim's.

TITLE: Batman: Odyssey (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 13.

CULPRIT: Continuity Studios (colorist).

DISSECTION: Neal Adams and the late Dick Giordano founded Continuity Studios in the early 70s as a comic book packager for publishers. People like Terry Austin, Bob McLeod, Walt Simonson and Jim Starlin have worked there... now apparently it's called Continuity Studios; and whoever they have working there as a colorists signs the colors for this book. It's most likely a team of people taking turns or the like...

Now, this issue had a few coloring mistakes. Alfred and Robin (regardless of which Robin he's supposed to be) get brown eyes; Robin's costume changes colors; his hair changes colors too; and the Riddler's eyes and hair are miscolored too.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for each wrong coloring, 7 for the changing ones.

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 175.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Lt. Commander Donald313 earns another badge (and is two badges away from a promotion to Cmdr.) by noticing that in the column for the month of August I said the quote for 08/04 was from R.E.B.E.L.S. #19, but the Best Book of that week was #20. My bad, I made a typo. Issue #19 was from that week.


TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 48.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: Well, the HDSC has been busy this past week! Ensign Darryn earns himself his second badge by calling my attention to the following:

"Hey big fella, you missed one in JLA 48, by James Robinson & Mark Bagley.

Battle scene, page 12, panel 1 - since when has Jesse been married to .... REX??"

Good point... She's married to Rick Tyler... Rex Tyler is her father-in-law.


TITLE: New Mutants Forever (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Claremont's writing in this title is a bit better than in X-Men Forever, but that doesn't stop him from destroying non-English languages. First of all, why are Sunspot and his mother, when having a private conversation, speaking in English? And if you're going to throw in Portuguese words at random, Chris, make sure they're actually in Portuguese. "Hola" and "mama" are Spanish words. You were looking for "mãe" or "mamãe" and "ola" or "oi". In fact, "mama", in Portuguese, means "breast"...

Then, if you're going to use Brazilian police divisions, try to get the names right. The Força Nacional de Segurança Pública (not "Forca...") was founded in 2004; but I can believe it's right after that in this timeline... but their rapid deployment division is called "Batalhão Especial de Pronto Emprego", not "Batalhao Especial de Pronto"... not only you wrote "Batalhão" wrong, but you forgot the last word, rendering the name "Special Rapid Battalion".

The Latin is also bullshit, accented letters are smaller than they should be, Nova Roma is NOT in the Andes, and I will not believe that there are no references to the Red Skull in the X-Men's database that Cypher could find.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each.

TITLE: Red Robin (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Fabian Nicieza (writer).

DISSECTION: Am I really supposed to buy that Red Robin uses an glider with no other propulsion than wind to cover a distance of fourteen blocks in about 50 seconds?


TITLE: Stargate: Daniel Jackson (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: John Watson (penciller).

DISSECTION: Spot me this one:


TITLE: Superman: Last Family of Krypton (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Renato Arlem (penciller).

DISSECTION: When this issue starts, it's about 15-16 years since Jor-El, Lara, and Kal-El arrived on Earth. Jor-El, at their arrival, looked about 35-40, at most, and in very good shape. Then why, over a decade later, and with yellow sun powers, does he look like his in his mid to late 50s? In fact, his appearance, and Kal-El's varies between pages that are only seconds apart in the timeline.

All that said, I'm thoroughly enjoying this miniseries.


TITLE: X-Men Forever 2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: What starship do the Starjammers have in this universe that's BIGGER THAN THE ISLAND OF MANHATTAN?!?!?!?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, issue #7 has an accented letter smaller than it should be.
This week yielded a 6.4 Bazzars average in forty-four dissections. Pretty much the usual. Cover Of The Week is this last cover for Daytripper; by Gabriel Bá:

A low key piece graphically showing the deconstruction the book's main character underwent during the story... at least, that's how I see it. Now, Moments Of The Week! The House Of El:

Okay, Don-El is Richard Donner, Ter-El is Joe Shuster, and Seyg-El is Jerry Siegel... but who's Jan-L? At first I thought it might be Janelle Siegel, DC assistant editor who's not even working in this book, and may or may not be related to Jerry (I doubt it)? However, my Superman expert pal, Kal, noted that all those names were from the late 80s John Byrne series "The World of Krypton", and Janelle Siegel was born in 1983... I'd welcome any suggestions about who Byrne named Jan-L after... because with the obvious tributes in the other names, I doubt this name wasn't one. Next, how do you convince a lazy cowboy to help you hunt down Jack the Ripper?

Like so. And who do you most expect to find in a battle of nerds and geeks?

Why, of course, Henry Kissinger, wearing an old-school Cylon costume! Speaking of shiny silver and matte black armored people, look who's back:

The Predator! THAT Predator!!! And for a finale, Tony Stark outgrows science:

He's science fiction! That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...


Friday, September 10, 2010

The Dissector #176.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)


"I've run more tests than you own flimsy outfits, Miss Frost." Doctor Nemesis, X-Men-Curse Of The Mutants: Smoke And Blood.

Well, I'm back on schedule; although a lot of my books for 09/01 haven't arrived yet (and books this week came out on Thursday, not Wednesday, so that might cause a bit more of delay as well). Let's get straight to business, let me tell you that Commander JohnnyDoe of the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps noticed that the school bus in the picture was extraordinarily long, and the size of the kids' heads was the same as the vehicle's wheels.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Iron Man Legacy... WINO TONY ADVENTURES!!! That's what Fred Van Lente calls the book, and it's a good read every week. Marvel's doing well at offering "between the raindrops" in-continuity, retro, yet not retcon tales of Iron Man. It already offers re-telling of old sagas (Spider-Man & The Secret Wars), other in continuity books that happen "before" current events (like the Astonishing ones), and even completely separate continuities (Ultimate, Marvel Adventures, etc). This book, however, is my favorite of those, because you know I'm a continuity junkie.

Worst Book Of The Week was United Free Worlds #7, published by Fantasy pr0n... err... Fantasy Prone. Beautiful digital paintings on the cover and in the first pages make you think this is going to be, at least, a visually fulfilling book; yet the actual story is drawn very amateurishly, in a horrible version of a 90s Image book, and the dialogue is not any better. Of course, I should have seen the blurb

The Rundown: Avengers: The Children's Crusade (inconsistent credit lettering), Buffy The Vampire Slayer (accented letter), Captain America: Forever Allies (Black Widow's eyes miscolored), G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (word missing in a sentence), JSA All-Stars (Czek language wrong), Secret Six V3 (Deadshot's hair should be black, not brown), Shadowland: Elektra (Elektra's eyes on the cover should be blue, not brown), Taskmaster V2 ("USAgent).

TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 48.

CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).

DISSECTION: What does Kevin VanHook have on DC editors? Because the crap he writes is just awful... What is "denizens of the undead" supposed to be? Not only he is a poor writer, he also doesn't know what the word denizen means.


TITLE: Batman Confidential (DC).

ISSUE: 48.

CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).

DISSECTION: First Batman doesn't believe in the supernatural. Then it's Superman, and I believe Green Arrow didn't believe in it in the miniseries that preceded this arc (the in-a-stroke-of-genius-titled "Superman/Batman Vs. Vampires And Werewolves"). And now? Liv, the girl who, knowingly, IS THE GIRLFRIEND OF A VAMPIRE AND HAS BEEN TURNED INTO ONE NOW!!!!!

Really VanHook, you weren't happy ignoring decades of stories starring Batman and Superman, you had to ignore your own work? Within the same story?

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.

TITLE: Guy Gardner: Collateral Damage (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 02.

CULPRIT: Howard Chaykin (writer).

DISSECTION: Chaykin refers to the Rannians as "nature worshipers, with deeply held personal feelings about faith". Uh? What? They've always been portrayed (until the recent Lady Styx worshipping) as very science/reason based people.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Oh, right, this is old, from December, 2006, and I put it in to fill the quota of ten featured dissections for the column.

TITLE: I, Zombie (DC/Vertigo).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Laura Allred (colorist).

DISSECTION: Supernatural (if you believe in that stuff) DT!


TITLE: Iron Man Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer).

DISSECTION: WINO TONY ADVENTURES!!! I never tire of that one... Namor says Black Bolt communicates in sub vocal whispers, and while sub vocal speech might or might not produce sound; Black Bolt has always been shown to not speak, and make himself understood by body language. SOMEONE GET THE GUY A VOICE SYNTHETIZER!!! Geez...

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Stephen Strange and Reed Richards get their eyes colored incorrectly, also.

TITLE: Origins Of Marvel Comics: X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: James Asmus (writer).

DISSECTION: Colossus is, according to Marvel's current timeline, what, 25 years old? Does that sound right? Peter Parker has been Spidey for 10-12 years, according to Quesada, making him 25-27... he's supposed to be around the same age as Cyclops, Angel and Jean Grey (since Beast is supposed to be older, and Iceman younger, among the original X-Men). Colossus has usually been shown as slightly younger than them (or perhaps that's my impression), and as considerably older than Kitty. Their age difference was somewhere around Kitty being 14 and him being 19 when she was first introduced.

Bear with me, because this is important (to me, not that much for the dissection). She's been shown to have worked as a bartender in Chicago, where the minimum age for such a job is 18. Say that she was 19 then, and that a year has passed since then, she's 20. That would make Colossus 25, so the writer of this origin saying that he began his life "working in his family farm in Communist Russia" is not entirely wrong. That implies this was before 1991, making Piotr start work in the collective farm, known in Russian as "kolkhoz" (or perhaps a completely state-run "sovkhoz"), at what, age 3-4 with menial labor around the house?

We're all good there; he did work under a communist regime; but that phrase is a poor choice, as it implies this is the 1980s Colossus whose family lived in the still-existent USSR. We can let that one slide, as it is a stylistic choice... but what bothered me is the use of the expression "communist Russia". Yes, this WAS Russia, and yes, it was communist... but it's still a misnomer... it's the USSR or Soviet Union... calling it "communist Russia" is "merrikan speak", and a completely non-neutral wording for something that's not being said by a character.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Am I being nitpicky? Hell yeah I am... There are also several mistakes in this and other profiles, writing, pencilling, and coloring. The worst one, at 8 Bazzars, is showing Cable as a baby (five or six months old, with no hair, etc) first infected with the technovirus and taken to the future, instead of a 10-12 months infant with hair, etc, as he was at the time.


ISSUE: 20.

CULPRIT: Tony Bedard (writer).

DISSECTION: Brainiac, cybernetic terror of the galaxy, plugged into Colu's central datacore... needs to use a keyboard to input a password? What?


TITLE: Red Hood: The Lost Days (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).

DISSECTION: Why does Jason Todd assume that British criminals won't be carrying weapons? Judd, you're thinking of most cops within the UK, but why wouldn't the criminals be armed, particularly when they're planning bombings?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Tim Drake's costume in a picture Talia show's him is wrong, also.

TITLE: United Free Worlds (Fantasy Prone).

ISSUE: 07.

CULPRIT: Patrick Blaine (penciller) and Hi-Fi Design (colorist).

DISSECTION: Not only the comic is crap, but the flags outside the UN headquarters are mostly made up.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.

TITLE: X-Men-Curse Of The Mutants: Smoke And Blood (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Simon Spurrier (writer).

DISSECTION: This book was lucky I read United Free Worlds, because it would have been Worst Book Of The Week instead. Granted, it wasn't as full of errors, just the one (and not grave scientific errors, like Spurrier's previous X-Club book), but the dialogue and characterization is very, very weak. My problem here is Emma Frost referring to herself as not scientifically minded. Yes, she could be saying that to emphasize her next statement (that she is in charge "minded"), but not only is she very scientifically adept (at least, technologically wise, if not theoretically), but she's also arrogant enough to be prone to rub that in Dr. Nemesis' nose.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. As awful as Spurrier's writing has been in the X-Men (only stuff of his I've read), I'm inclined to believe he just doesn't know that Emma is not a scientific idiot.
Bit lower than the usual, at a 6.1 Bazzars average in thirty-three (MASONIC ALERT!) dissections. Cover Of The Week is from R.E.B.E.L.S.:

David Finch really channeled Simon Bisley there! The first Moment Of The Week is actually from an older book, a back issue of KODT, but I just got a pile of issues I hadn't read:

D-Day live action roleplaying with soldiers singing Pink? I laughed... Next, Gorilla-Man channels Joey Tribbiani:

Is he coming onto the silverback? Next, Colossus shows us why he really is colossal:

Uhm... is that organic steel? And last, the return (sort of) The Pride:

It's from Iron Man Legacy, so it's in the past, but it's cool to see them. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...


Tuesday, September 07, 2010

The Dissector #175.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)


08/04 "Whoa, wait a minute. This is Khund porn? Shouldn't there be some, you know, sex...?" Captain Comet, R.E.B.E.L.S. #19.

08/11 "YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM AS LOUD ASS YA WANT WHILE I KICK YOUR ASS!" Guy Gardner, Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #1.

08/18 "(Luke Cage) somehow managed to look manly in yellow silk, which just might be his greatest super-power." Iron Fist, Shadowland: Power Man #1.

08/25 "Delphyne, I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!" Amadeus Cho, Heroic Age: Prince Of Power #4.

Late? You say I'm late? Well, yes, a tad late, I suppose. But here's the column for THE ENTIRE MONTH OF AUGUST!!!!! You might have guessed that from the quotes, and let's go quickly through the Dissector's Picks Of Each Week:

Week Of 08/04: Best Book Of The Week was R.E.B.E.L.S. #20; good use of Brainiac characters, plus Claude St. Aubin's art is pretty neat. Worst Book Of The Week was Batman Confidential #47, Kevin VanHook's Batman-battles-the-supernatural-yet-doesn't-believe-in-it stories are horrible.

Week Of 08/11: Best Book Of The Week was Tom Strong & The Robots Of Doom #3, just pulpy goodness. Worst Book Of The Week was Superman #702. JMS's "Superman Walks Among Regular Folk" has been done before... and it's boring.

Week Of 08/18: Best Book Of The Week was Darkwing Duck #3, just like the TV show, month after month. Worst Book Of The Week was Uncanny X-Men #527... the story is passable, but Whilce Portacio and Leonard Kirk make Emma Frost seem like a crack whore, and Colossus like a mentally deficient jock. The art is just hideous, I tell you.

Week Of 08/25: Best Book Of The Week was Heroic Age: Prince Of Power, good mixing of regular superhero adventure with godstuff, and humor on top of it. Worst Book Of The Week was Teen Titans #86. Felicia Henderson's writing is bad, and while the art by José Luís is not as awful as previous issues, it still doesn't make up for the plot.

Oh, no one got the DT! last week, it was the fact that the Kents look like they're 40 at most. The Rundown is ginormous, so you can find it here.

TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 517.

CULPRIT: Kevin Sharpe (penciller).

DISSECTION: Roy alerted me to this one... the flight belts the Legionnaires wear (before their rings) appear and disappear... then Cosmic Boy has a Legion ring, which he wasn't wearing before.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Badge for Roy. So that's a double dissection there, and then in the backup, Atom just takes Calculator to Oracle's base, right in front of Babs; plus in the DC Nation column, Eddie Berganza refers to "the Green Lanterns" as "las Linterna Verde". First, it's "los", if you're talking about the people, the corps members, and not the objects. Second, it's "Linternas Verdes", because it's plural.

TITLE: Avengers Academy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Mike McKone (penciller).

DISSECTION: If Crossbones is supposed to be wearing a muzzle so he can't use his teeth as projectile weapons... why does the thing have enough space for him to actually do that?

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. There's also inconsistent lettering in the credits, and Norman Osborn's eyes are colored incorrectly.

TITLE: DC Universe Legacies (DC).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Len Wein (writer).

DISSECTION: Lots of time period inconsistencies, but apart from those, they refer to a shot fired the same day as Germany surrendered in WWII as "the last shot of the war"... yet Japan surrendered quite later.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 174.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Donald313 noticed that last column said "Jim Baleen" instead of "Balent". I corrected it on the column, but I still admit to it. You get trigger happy with the spell checker sometimes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, and a badge for Donald. Three more and you reach Commander.

TITLE: Ides Of Blood (DC/Wildstorm).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Stuart C. Paul (writer).

DISSECTION: While my fellow Uruguayan Christian Duce provides great vampire/roman mood art; writer Stuart C. Paul script throws me out of the story. I understand the need to use linguistic anachronisms in period stories; to better get your point across and connect with the reader. But when the anachronisms in your dialogues go beyond the linguistic and cross into historic things... a story in ancient Rome, with Julius Caesar around, cannot have the word "Machiavellian" or refer to vampires as "dracul"; not several centuries before the birth (let alone work) of the person who inspires the first term, and (even if it's closer) the rise of the order that the second term refers to.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Yes, they're figure of speech, but you have to be careful.

TITLE: Iron Man Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer).

DISSECTION: This is a good book, Wino Tony Adventures (as Van Lente jokingly refers to it). It's had few errors so far, and in this issue, it was a little slip up. Or a few, but still. Apart from accented letters being smaller than they should, right before Dr. Doom addresses the UN's General Assembly, a translator is translating a speech into German... yet the official languages of the UN, and by extension (if I'm not mistaken, and I did my research), the languages into which things are translated, are Arabic, Chinese, English, French, Russian and Spanish.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There is also a small
German language mistake, using the German word for "chair" (the piece of furniture) for "chair" as in the chair of a meeting; when there's a specific word for that in German, "Vorsitzender". I snicker when Spanish translation of US stuff think "foreman" is the last name of the head juror in a trial and dub him "Señor Foreman".

TITLE: Iron Man Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer).

DISSECTION: Dr. Doom says he communicates with the UN through a "sonogram". Uhm... I'm pretty sure that should be a "hologram".


TITLE: JSA All-Stars (DC).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Freddie Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one is easy.


TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC) / Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: Various.

CULPRIT: Various.

DISSECTION: David noticed that Mikaal Tomas, the Starman currently in JLA (and in JSA because of the crossover going on right now) used to have a roundish yellow crystal embedded in his chest, but now for some reason it's being drawn sometimes as a giant green rhomboid jewel, and sometimes it's that shape, but yellow. Badge for David, two more and you make Lieutenant!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars... I'll give four to JLA, and three to JSA; I have no energy to go back and identify authors.

TITLE: TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 48.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: Kryptonians process sunlight, but they don't do "photosynthesis", the use of that term, particularly by a scientist like Mr. Terrific is moronic. Photosynthesis is literally s a process that converts carbon dioxide into organic compounds, especially sugars, using the energy from sunlight.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Dick Grayson's bat emblems are wrong, too.

TITLE: Namor: The First Mutant (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Stuart Moore (writer).

DISSECTION: Now, if this magical chest thingy can only be opened by a ruler of Atlantis... how the fuck did the vampires put Dracula's head inside of it?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. There are other writing languages, specifically the fact that Namor "blesses" fallen Atlantean warriors in Latin... Latin? Oh, and he doesn't believe in vampires... what? And art wise, Namor's eyes are colored incorrectly, and Atlanteans do not have fins in their calves (much less spiked ones), those are DC Atlanteans... I'm willing to cut Ariel Olivetti some slack, since you could argue these are from a subspecies, or those fins are part of their pants (since they're all wearing pants... and no shirts, except the female...).

TITLE: New Mutants Forever (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Now, this is as lazy as Green Lantern energy deficits; but older. Magneto has control over magnetism, right? And he's been shown to move or immobilize people by the iron in their blood, right? Among other things, He's lifted submarines, starships, planes, and asteroids, right? Yet he's vexed by a bunch of mercs in non-metallic armor? Even if their armor somehow blocks him from moving the bodies inside, he can impale them with pieces of metal from furniture, the building, etc... reminds me of a cartoon episode where he was attacked and captured by ceramic Sentinels... in the middle of a harbor full of fifty foot yachts...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Lots of more errors: eye colors, saying Nova Roma is in the Andes, an accented letter, "Valkyror" instead of "Valkyrior", being surprised that people with paramilitary gear open fire without mercy, being surprised at the new costumes Ilyana conjures, yet they were wearing them in a picture they were looking at minutes earlier, and saying David Haller is Moira's son... Nine errors in the first issue only? Good start (but it was a good read, though), Chris.

TITLE: Star Trek: Burden Of Knowledge (IDW)

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Scott & David Tipton (writers).

DISSECTION: Andorian technicians perform an overhaul on the Enterprise's computer systems, something mandated by Starfleet, done at a UFP starbase. While overhauling the computer systems, the Andorians sabotage them to have a bias about Tellarites. When this is discovered and reverted, McCoy complains that the Andorians "are scott free".

What? The Andorians are part of the United Federation Of Planets, and not "their allies", like Bones say. Yes, this is the TOS era, and it was common to have an all-Vulcan starship in Starfleet (like the USS Intrepid, a curious name for a Vulcan ship), or all-Andorian space stations... but it's not like they're anonymous Andorians that just happened to offer you a computer overhaul in the middle of space, and you accepted because it was cheap and you had a coupon!


TITLE: Wolverine: Weapon X (Marvel).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Jason Aaron (writer).

DISSECTION: I just picked up the most recent issue because I knew it was a Nightcrawler tribute; and Kurt's one of my favorite X-Men. I liked the story; I really dug what Jason Aaron, the writer, was getting at... however, wasn't there another way to force Logan to make an effort to deliver the piano? Did you need to say there was no airstrip on which to land a Blackbird? X-Men aircraft have been consistently shown as having VTOL capabilities, and they can also hover; being enhanced by Sh'iar technology, and the work of people like Forge.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Angel's eyes are curiously blank, and Wolverine's eyes are colored brown.

Even with a hundred and forty six dissections, the average was... well, average, at 6.4 Bazzars. Sorry this column is not as good as usual; not only I've done it in a hurry, but it's also been fragmented and my attention has been crap because on Sunday my cat was killed by the neighbors' dog, and I'm still depressed... But anyhoo, here are the Covers Of Each Week; for the week of 08/04, it's again Darwyn's Cook cover for The Murder Of King Tut:

Next, for the week of 08/11, a nice looking piece from Sky Doll: Lacrima Christy Collection #1, by the book's creators Alessandro Barbucci and Barbara Canepa:

Nothing striking, but the best of that week. From 08/18, the last issue of the regular Star Wars: Legacy series, by co-creator Jan Duursema, and Sean Cooke:

Yes, not one of the best covers ever either, but it's a nice bookend for this series. Good thing there'll be at least one miniseries continuing the story, as I'm more interested in going forward with the story of the Star Wars universe than with exploring its past (unless it's Rebellion or New Republic eras). Last, from 08/25, another nice painting by Whilce Portacio for X-Men Legacy:

I wish he could do this kind of stuff inside the book... Now, Moments Of The Week... first, from 08/04, Lobo flaunts his bling:

Scary... Next, the villain in Metaba... err, S.H.I.E.L.D.?

Why, of course, Isaac Newton! I was hoping it'd be Edison... Now, from the interest "Last Family Of Krypton" mini, Lex being Lex:

Bastard. And from that same book, this is how Kryptonians do make-up sex:

Now, from 08/11, Bart gives the best possible eulogy for Comic Book Guy:

Good one. Next, Tony Stark, fashion disaster:

MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!! And now, why shapeshifters are evil:

MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!! MY SOUL!!! MY SOUL!!! Next, Blade, as played by the Wayans Brothers:

It still made me laugh. From 08/18, things are tough in the sidekick/pilot market, in this economy:

That brought a big smile to my face. Next, the foreshadowing started in Ex Machina #1 was indeed about something gloom:

Gaaaah!!! Over in the UK, Hughie disappoints me:

Stella? A Belgian beer? Yes, it's pretty common over there, but still... Next up, legacy heroes have to be true to their legacy:

Power Man? Check. Cheesy? Check. Speaking of Legacy, my favorite character from Star Wars: Legacy, Antares Draco, goes down in a blaze of glory:

Just as a note, he's not a red-skinned-black-inked Sith; that's just a disguise, this is his usual look, and he actually went down fighting his former master (now a Sith), but this was the cooler moment to show. Next, Spider-Man, nerdgasming:

Like a true schoolgirl of nerdiness. To finish this week, you know who you should not mess with?

That's John Walker, aka the U.S.Agent, now warden of The Raft. You know what happens if you mess with him?

This. Even missing an arm and a leg, he's got superpowers and combat training, you idjits. Now two moments from 08/25, first up, Kirby flashback!

Courtesy of Butch Guice. And last, Amadeus Cho ascends to godhood:

Not quite as I expected he'd look... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...


Saturday, September 04, 2010

Alright, I'm preparing the column for the entire friggin' month of August, and The Rundown is monstruous... so here it is, in a separate post.

The Rundown: Action Comics (in the backup, Superboy blatantly betrays Superman's secret ID to Teen Titans and new characters who can't possibly be privy to that information), The Amazing Spider-Man Presents: American Son (double Osborn eye fuck ups), The Avengers V4 (Tony Stark's eyes are wrong, and Spidey, in the Avengers "book" at the end, reveals that the Green Goblin threw his girlfriend off a bridge... it's not like Gobbie does that every weekend), Avengers And The Infinity Gauntlet (Doom's eyes are wrong), Avengers Prime (really, Tony Stark doesn't know trolls are enemies of Asgard, and Steve Rogers doesn't know Midgard is Earth?), Batgirl V3 (not only accented letters are smaller than the rest, but now accents are horizontal lines above the letters, things just keep getting worse...), Batman: Odyssey (Kirk Langstrom is a zoologist, not a paleontologist, if this story is in Batman's beginnings, then Man-Bat can't be around so soon, Batman's mask-ears are jagged and broken at one point, then change and get fixed with no explanation), Batman Confidential (enough with Batman and Super not believing in the supernatural), Black Widow V4 ("refridgerator"?), Brightest Day (Mera's sister's troops are not "mercs"), Captain America: Forever Allies ("fortess" and... "Hilter"??!?!), Captain America V1 (Black Widow's eyes are miscolored in the backup), Darkstar And The Winter Guard (backup story has a typo), Doom Patrol V5 (Rita's eyes are wrong, "viola" instead of "voila", and there's no way Farr and Dayton adopted Gar Logan in 2006), Ex Machina (went back to re-read the first issue after the first one, and Hundred's eyes, a central part of his power's visible manifestation, are miscolored on the cover), Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors (wrong badges, not carrying the lantern within their ring, the unknown sectors are several, not just one, and if Guy wants to keep stuff secret from the Guardians, why is he using his ring to record secret journals?), Green Lantern Corps V2 (lanterns can carry their lanterns inside their rings, stop using the lazy "my ring is out of power" plot device), Hellblazer (accented letter), Hercules: Twilight Of A God (the Skrull impersonating Herc calls Herc's son "father"), Hulk V3 (Marvel), Justice League: Generation Lost (your cunning plan of infiltrating Checkmate's base, The Castle, disguised as renegade Rocket Reds will fail if you, Fire, who used to work for them and just failed on an attack on it recently, if you LEAVE YOUR VERY DISTINCTIVE GREEN HAIR OUT OF YOUR HELMET IN A PLACE WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE!!!!), Justice Society Of America V3 (Kyle's badge, lantern power levels), Legion Of Super-Heroes V6 (Sun Boy's eyes are colored wrong, and Gates' world is "Vyrga", not "Vyraga"), Outsiders V4 (horrible Spanish), The Phantom: Ghost Who Walks (the Phantom's son looks black in a panel, for some reason), R.E.B.E.L.S. (misuse of alien language), Red Robin (Bat chest emblem wrong on Dick, wrong use of the word "mesomorph"), Shadowland: Moon Knight (accented letter), Shadowland: Blood On The Streets (a cop has an e-mail ending in Is he friends with Sting? And in Misty Knight's profile, the reference to pain dampeners is repeated.), Shadowland: Power Man (the Spanish is practically perfect, except for one wrong word and one wonky sentence... then there are several accents and ñs; and ninjas using katanas), Steve Rogers: Super-Soldier (accented letters), Superman/Batman (Batman has met the Legion before, he's seen enough advanced tech... and owns enough to not call the situation a "bad science fiction movie", Ultra Boy's powers are incomplete, and a costumed Clark acts as Superboy in public in Smallville, not jiving completely with the current storyline presented in Secret Origin), Superman V1 (smaller accented letters with accents that are also horizontal lines), The Thanos Imperative (the location of characters in a scene changes between panels, and speech balloons are switched between characters), The Unwritten (accented letters), Thor V1 (accented letters), Time Masters: Vanishing Point (the credits have a small error, Black Beetle is colored red, Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, and changes shape to another wrong one), Ultimate Avengers 2 (are we really supposed to believe that Nick Fury will put a tracking in the Punisher's teeth; where it can so easily be lost during battle?), X-Factor V3 (Monet's eyes are miscolored, and Rictor's are wrong first, then right), X-Force: Sex And Violence (there's no way Domino fit 237 girls in that small truck, and Boomerang can't fly), X-Men-Curse Of The Mutants: Blade (it's São Paulo, not São Paolo; Portuguese, not Italian mixed with Portuguese), X-Men Forever 2 (accented letter), X-Men V3 (for no discernible reason, Colossus is hauling an unconscious vampire around a vampire infested sewer... unarmored), Young Allies (inconsistent lettering in the credits page).