Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The Dissector #55.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"CHUPA-WATCHAMACALLITS!! CHUPA-WATCHAMACALLITS!!! AUUGHH!! GET 'EM OFF ME!!!" A very distressed Human Torch, Fantastic Four: Isla De La Muerte.

Well, as promised, this is the first of my catch-up columns, with dissections from comics published on the week of 12/28. It saddens me to begin this column with the announcement of the death of writer Steve Gerber, a comic book legend. He passed away from complications that arose from his lengthy battle with pulmonary fibrosis, last Sunday, at the age of 60.

Gerber was a comic book fan like us his whole life, having started a fanzine, Headline, in his early teens, eventually finding work as a writer for Marvel in the early 1970s. He's best remembered from his Marvel days for his stints writing The Defenders and Man-Thing, and particularly as the creator of Howard the Duck. He also created Omega the Unknown, and wrote books like Shanna the She-Devil, the Guardians of the Galaxy and Son of Satan. He was one of the best examples of the Marvel writers of the 70s.

After he left Marvel in 1979, Gerber wrote some DC heroes books, and established himself at the forefront of the "independent revolution" of the 1980s, along people like his friend Frank Miller. Many of his plans didn't work out, sadly, and during the '80s he turned to writing for TV, both live action and animation, penning episodes for shows like Dungeons and Dragons, Transformers, Star Trek: The Next Generation (“Contagion”), G.I. Joe and Thundarr the Barbarian, which he created.

In the early '90s, Gerber was one of the founders of Malibu's Ultraverse, and for a time, wrote a handful of image titles. His work during that decade was eclectic, reflective of his sense of humor and personality. In the current decade, Gerber went back to Marvel to write a new Howard the Duck mini, under the MAX banner. His most recent work was with DC, first doing the acclaimed series Hard Time, and he was lately working on the Dr. Fate story appearing in the pages of Countdown to Mystery. He will be fondly remembered, and sorely missed.

This week's picks (don't know how to pick it up after this, but I'll try) will be quick. The Best Book OF The Week was Action Comics #860, great storyline, and great characterization of the legionnaires by Geoff Johns, and good art (despite Gary Frank's "insaneization of all characters). There. And the Worst Book Of The Week is Badger Saves The World #1, with a boring plot by Mike Baron, and horrible art by Kevin Caron.

On another note, I notified most of the winners of the Autopsy Awards, none of them, not even the ones who received a positive award, answered me. Except for one person... David Wiltfong, aka DragynWulf, from the Marvel Handbooks team... and he wasn't happy. I'll leave it at that, but some people don't have a sense of humor.

As the last item before going onto the dissections themselves, we have last regular column's Dissect This! Justin Garrett Blum correctly said that Nightwing's logo was drawn incorrectly.
<-------------------------------->
"SHORTCHANGED IN THE SUPERPOWERS DEPARTMENT!"

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 860.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Once again, Superman's powers are defined as "flight, super strength, super sensory powers." No invulnerability, heat vision, super speed, etc?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M USING THE SAME SUPERPOWERS ACCOUNTING SYSTEM AS SUPES."

TITLE: Action Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 860.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Timber Wolf's enhanced agility is also forgotten.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FORGET IT..."

TITLE: Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 545.

CULPRIT: None.

DISSECTION: So, One More Day... ah well, it wasn't THAT bad, and it will be eventually taken back in some way or another... But, my dissection has become moot since I checked it and I was the one who was wrong to consider it as one.

DISSECT-O-METER: Nil.
<-------------------------------->
"YO MAMA IS SO OLD...!"

TITLE: Brave And The Bold V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer).

DISSECTION: André, of the Boy Commandos, says in French that "Une maman" has Brooklyn (Dan Turpin, if I'm not mistaken); as in a "mummy", since they're in a pyramid. Problem is, the word for "mummy", as in a preserved corpse, in French, is "momie".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, the joke does not work (the English speaking characters think he's saying that a "mommy" has Brooklyn) if he says "maman" instead of "momie".
<-------------------------------->
"SPIDER FACTS!"

TITLE: Various Marvel titles published the week of 12/28 (Marvel).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Unknown.

DISSECTION: Again, Nick Fury's files, this time, and this time the problem is that it has things that clash with Spidey's new status quo, for example, Nick Fury and Daredevil knowing Spidey's secret ID, when Marvel has said it's secret to everyone.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars for the clashing with Spidey's new status quo, plus one more at level 6 for stuff that can't be used at all by Nick Fury. This time, however, there are no real world information about his movies or such.
<-------------------------------->
"UUUH..."

TITLE: Countdown To Adventure (DC).

ISSUE: 05 of 08 (and previous issues).

CULPRIT: Adam Beechen (writer).

DISSECTION: Starfire and Animal Man are using solar panels to reflect sunlight; solar panels, by definition, absorb solar energy.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"RUN, IT'S EVIL DIANA!!!"

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Howard Porter (artist for backup origin story).

DISSECTION: On the first page, Wonder Woman's bustier is colored dark blue or black.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WE LETTERS HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER"

TITLE: The Danger's Dozen (First Salvo).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Gabe ElTaeb (letterer, backup story).

DISSECTION: On page 22, panel one, the words "it" and "Captain" have no space between them.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"NEXT UP, CAPTAIN-AMERICA."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 53.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I wrote "Iron-Man" instead of "Iron Man" in an Ultimate Iron Man II dissection.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CORRETC THIS."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 54.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: In the reveal of the Dissect This! for the previous column, I wrote "correctlyt " instead of "correctly", and I probably ignored it in the spell check, because it was between "Miss Kitty Fantastico" (whose "Fantastico" I should probably have added to Word's dictionary, there, just did it) and "Salakk" (ditto).

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"THE THING? WHO?"

TITLE: Fantastic Four: Isla De La Muerte (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Tom Beland (writer).

DISSECTION: Good book, but the Thing talks about how in a small town in Puerto Rico people did not recognize him... the Fantastic Four are celebrities, and they've been on TV... and there's TV in Puerto Rico, I'll have you know.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars. All in all, no Spanish mistakes for an issue I was afraid would have tons... but the editor (and I think the artist too) are Hispanic, so that explains it.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M THE REPLACEMENT BUTTLER."

TITLE: Giant-Size Avengers V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Nelson (artist... yes, just "Nelson") and Andrew Crossley (colorist).

DISSECTION: Edwin Jarvis looks nothing like he should, particularly his gray hair at the point of Avengers history this story happens at.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SPEED DRAWING."

TITLE: The Flash V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 235.

CULPRIT: Freddie E. Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: Take a look at the next panel, spot what's wrong here... no, it's not the horrible face on Wonder Woman...


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THOSE GUYS FROM THE SUICIDE SQUAD, THEY NOW WORK FOR THE MAN!"

TITLE: Gotham Underground (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 09.

CULPRIT: Frank Tieri (writer).

DISSECTION: The Scarecrow says "Suicide Squad has worked for the government in the past (...)"... they've ALWAYS Worked for the government!

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT'S UP WITH THESE RINGS?"

TITLE: Green Lantern/Sinestro Corps Secret Files And Origins (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns & Sterling Gates (writers).

DISSECTION: Well, these handbook type issues always have potential for more errors, being mostly written text. This one has a lot of them than say, the infamous Civil War Battle Damage Report, but to the latter's defense, this one has much less text per entry.

First dissection is that the GL power rings are described as having the old 24 hour power limit. As far as has been established, the current rings follow Kyle ring's limitations, and his does not have that particular one. Also, it's said that a Lantern can carry his battery in an invisible state, and call it to him/her from anywhere in his sector, something that gives weight to my claims of mistakes when Hal Jordan has been shown not to have his lantern with him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars, it might be that the new rings are not exactly like Kyle's, but saying explicitly would help.
<-------------------------------->
"GREN LAANTEERN."

TITLE: Green Lantern/Sinestro Corps Secret Files And Origins (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns & Sterling Gates (writers).

DISSECTION: Once more, Salakk is called "Salaak". I even went and checked in his first appearance comic, and he's "Salakk", though, to the writer's defense, it's misspelled as "Salaak" once in the same book, and even "Sallak". Still, he's called "Salakk" the first two times he's mentiond and has been called "Salakk" all along (including Who's Who profiles), so until someone from DC comes out and says "Salaak" is the correct spelling, I'll keep saying it's a mistake. Of course, being a transliteration of an alien language, both spellings could be correct.

Guys, look at the image below. The interface is in Spanish, but the text is in English and the layout is the same as in the English language version of Word:


When writing a script that features Salakk being mentioned by name, you just need to add "Salakk" to your personal.dic file, so when "1" happens, then select "2" and press "3". Easy, innit? Hey, I just realized I myself wrote his name incorrectly at one point (and not to refer to your mistakes), and my spell checker caught it! If you don't use MS Word, I'm sure whatever you write your scripts (I know specialized script-writing software is used) has a spell check function.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ION, NOT SO POWERFUL AFTER ALL..."

TITLE: Green Lantern/Sinestro Corps Secret Files And Origins (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Actually, this would go only to Geoff Johns, or maybe to the writer of Green Lantern Corps too, since it comes from the actual storyline and not this handbook. Sodam Yat got lead poisoning on Earth before receiving the Ion power, so now he needs to keep the ring on in order to prevent the lead from killing him. It makes no sense, Ion gives him the power of a ring, and even more!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑ!"

TITLE: Green Lantern/Sinestro Corps Secret Files And Origins (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Adam Schlagman & Eddie Berganza (editors), for lack of a better culprit..

DISSECTION: Cowgirl's entry art says it's been done by Daniel "Acuna", it's "Acuña". Please, respect the way someone's name is spelled.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN HUNGRIEST DAY, IN MUNCHIEST NIGHT!"

TITLE: Green Lantern/Sinestro Corps Secret Files And Origins (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns & Sterling Gates (writers).

DISSECTION: Schlagg-Man, Sinestro Corpsman for Sector 3493 (who incidentally, is named after editor Adam Schlagman, I just realized) is said to be a native of Bismoll, and it's strongly inferred that he shares the powers of the 30th century Bismoll. Now, most history seen, whether is old Legion continuity, or V4 (Valor seeding) continuity (although no mention is made in V5 Legion continuity) has it so Bismollians don't develop their abilities for a few centuries.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IT MUST BE SOMETHING I ATE."

TITLE: Green Lantern/Sinestro Corps Secret Files And Origins (DC).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: One of the following: JD Smith, Art Lyon, Moose Baumann, Digikore, or Guru EFX (colorists).

DISSECTION: Schlagg-Man's skin is painted pink, when Bismollians look exactly like humans.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PLEASE, SPELL MY NAME RIGHT!"

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer) and/or Rob Leigh (letterer).

DISSECTION: Salaak, again.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AND STOP CUTTING MY UNIFORM!"

TITLE: Green Lantern V4 (DC).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Mike McKone (penciller).

DISSECTION: Salakk's uniform boots and gloves are not drawn correctly, fingerless and toeless.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars..
<-------------------------------->
"SUPERMAN WHO?"

TITLE: JLA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 49.

CULPRIT: Andrew Kreisberg (writer).

DISSECTION: At the end of the story, Superman and Lois Lane, possibly to avoid any eavesdropping (although Clark usually knows if there's anyone listening in) speak as though they're not married. However, Lois says "I know we don't know each other well", and as far as anyone is concerned, Lois Lane is one of the people who knows Superman the best.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LIGHTNING, EVERCHANGING."

TITLE: JSA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Staz Johnson & Mike Norton (pencillers).

DISSECTION: As usual, Jay Garrick's chest emblem is wrong.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S BUT A SHADOW OF THE MAN HE WAS..."

TITLE: JSA: Classified (DC).

ISSUE: 33.

CULPRIT: Junior Thomas (writer).

DISSECTION: Alan Scott leaves the JSA's Christmas' Eve celebration, because his daughter is dead, and he has to spend Christmas Eve alone, and yadda yadda yadda. Hey, Junior, Alan's son, Obsidian, lives in the JSA's headquarters.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"CONTACTS?"

TITLE: The Legion of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE:

CULPRIT: Nathan Eyring (colorist).

DISSECTION: Light Lass eyes are colored green, instead of blue, as they should be. God, am I excited that Jim Shooter is back!!! And Francis Manapul isn't bad, either.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"QOU VADSI!"

TITLE: Pax Romana.

ISSUE: 01 of

CULPRIT: Jonathan Hickman (writer, artist, and presumed letterer).

DISSECTION: This book is good, even though it's slightly hard to read because of it's layout... just a minor dissection, it reads "gaurd" instead of "guard" at one point.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar. By the way, here's a preview of this first issue.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M A SHAPESHIFTER, CHECK OUT MY QUESTION IMPRESSION!"

TITLE: Teen Titans V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 54.

CULPRIT: Eddy Barrows, Joe Prado & Greg Tocchini (pencillers).

DISSECTION: Page 10, panel four, why does Miss Martian have no face?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"ÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑ!"

TITLE: X-Men: Messiah Complex - Mutant Files (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Any of the several writers.

DISSECTION: Ah, here I am again attracting the wrath of the Marvel Handbooks' team! Darwin's real name is given as Armando Munoz, when it's "Muñoz".

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THIS IS A NEW SWORD."

TITLE: X-Men: Messiah Complex - Mutant Files (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Any of the several writers.

DISSECTION: Several wrong things about Excalibur's entry, first of all, it considers the current incarnation of Excalibur as a separate one from the previous team (even though it shares one founding member, and one other later member), giving its first appearance as New Excalibur #5. I'd consider Professor X's Excalibur in Genosha (which I don't think was ever called that outside the book's name) a completely separate team.

The team roster includes Lionheart, who was never shown to actually join the team, and the former members section is of course lacking all the former members like Colossus, Nightcrawler, Shadowcat, Lockheed, etc. On another note, the Handbooks team at least acknowledges Morph as actually been Proteus.

DISSECT-O-METER: This counts as just one 7 Bazzars dissection.
<-------------------------------->
"THESE ARE KITCHEN KNIVES, ACTUALLY..."

TITLE: X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 206.

CULPRIT: Chris Bachalo (penciller).

DISSECTION: Warpath's knives looks nothing like they should.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So, let's go for the Moments of the Week, shall we? The first one comes from The Avengers Initiative #8, the Taskmaster shows you that the larger they are, the harder they fall:


Bra-vo! Then, Batman does what we've all dreamed of doing. Bagging Catwoman? No, pimp-slapping Snapper Carr!


Then, from Countdown Arena #4, one of the few good things about this book, an army of almost all the 52 Captain Atoms (except for a couple that died, and Monarch, of course) to face Monarch:


Too bad they all get their quantum asses handed to them, and Monarch absorbs their powers. Next, from Fantastic Four: Isla de la Muerte, we learn who The Thing was with during Civil War:


Sweet Aunt Petunia!!! From the same book, we get the Thing celebrated as a local hero in a Puerto Rico town.


¡Viva! Now, from Giant-Size Avengers V2 #1, Jarvis teaches Thor some manners:


Now that's having some brass ones! And last but not least, coming from the same book, we have Iron Man's last ditch attack protocol:


Very graphic. So, this week's average was just 5.3 Bazzars, pretty low, but I'm just warming up. This column took longer than I expected, partly because I was enjoying my vacation, partly because my home computer is slower than the one at work (and I use the web browser to do a lot of research and such) and partly because I kinda forgot about my "just-write-up-
the-best-dissections-but-count-all-of-them" new policy, as I wanted to get the hang of writing the column again. Next column will be more succinct. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Dissector Special #04.

NOTE: Yes, I've been gone for almost a month, I know. Sorry about that, here's the ceremony for the 2005-2007 Autopsy Awards, I should be back next week with the begining of my catch-up columns for the past month.


Soft music echoes through the darkened room, a murmur of conversation of multiple people blends with the tunes, and suddenly, spotlights bathe the center of an improvised stage. The volume of the music goes up, and an announcer's voice (sounding just like Marcos Mundstock) says "Ladies, gentlemen, and other beings, please give it up for tonight's host... Uaaaaaatuuuuuu the Watcher!!!"

The crowd claps, and a bald figure dressed in a blue tuxedo, looking suspiciously similar to Brian Michael Bendis walks onto stage. "Thank you for your kind welcome! I am Uatu, and many of you know me from my voyeuristic adventures as the Watcher... and not the kind that watches hot slayers like Buffy..." As the crowd laughs, Uatu continues "I was a bit miffed, I confess, when MaGnUs changed the column to The Dissector, mostly because he changed the logo, which depicted yours truly in a very, well, shall we say, flattering light."


The Watcher walks a bit, and looking at his surroundings, he says "You might be wondering about your rather rustic surroundings, and why we've chosen this venue to celebrate the first ever Autopsy Awards. For those of you just tuning in, we're at a small bar located in the city of Montevideo, in Uruguay, a nation of what you'd call "the real world". The place is called "El Hacha", which means "The Axe", and it's the oldest standing establishment in town, having been founded in the late 18th century. It's earned that charming name after one of its bartenders was murdered by an axe blow to the head, also around three hundred years ago."


Pausing, Uatu produces a small purple kerchief from his breast pocket, and wipes his brow. "We thought about celebrating the ceremony at Warriors, over at DC's New Earth, Harry's Hideout, in Marvel's 616 Earth, or even Chalmun's cantina in Tatooine, but we settled on a place that would show no favoritism over a universe or another. Now, enjoy your cocktails and entrees, while we enjoy the first musical number of the night... Daaaaaazzler!!!"


A while later, after the performance of disco era Dazzler (complete with roller skates), the announcer's voice is heard again "Now, to present the first award of the evening, please welcome TV's William Shatner!!!!"


Elegantly clad in a dark suit, Shatner walks onto stage and stands behind the lectern, on which now rests a trophy depicting a bloody saw, like those used by coroners. "Thank you, thank you." the former Captain Kirk says as the thundering applause dies down. "I am here to present the first of a series of special awards. These are not awards dictated by votes, or by the number of times a specific mistake was made, but because they stood out among their peers. The first special award is the Justice Society of America's Cyclone, who in more or less than 20 comics she's appeared in, has never had her costume drawn correctly after the first time!"


The redheaded Cyclone flies onto stage, and when she lands and the whirlwind stops, the audience "ooohs" as they notice she's completely naked, clothes flying away at disparate angles! "I got tired of people getting my costume wrong," the superheroine says as she accepts the award (now covered in Shatner's drool) "so I just decided to get rid of it." More applause, and more drool later, Cyclone exits the stage, followed by Shatner. The announcer then says "And now, for the first award decided by your votes, please welcome Johnny Five!!!"


Gold plated for the occasion, the threaded robot rolls to the appointed place on stage, and its synthesized voice fills the speakers "Woooooohoooo! I'm very glad to present the award for Best Writing Dissection. The nominees are...

"UNITED SOCIALIST SOVIET KINGDOMS.", from issue five of the Books Of Doom, by Ed Brubaker.

"GOTHAM CITY, CITY STATE?", from 52 Week 14, ostensibly by Greg Rucka.

“NINJAS, SMINJAS!”, from issue 93 of Exiles, by Chris Claremont.

“FASTER THAN A RAY OF LIGHT!”, from issue 8 of Battlestar Galactica V4, by Greg Pak.

"MATH IS DIFFERENT IN THE FUTURE.", from issue 31 of (Supergirl And) The Legion Of Super-Heroes V5, by Tony Bedard.

"MY, MY, HOW YOU'VE GROWN!!", from issue 1 of Batman/Lobo: Deadly Serious, by Sam Kieth.

"SCIENCE IS HARD!", from issue 13 of Justice League Of America.V2, by Dwayne McDuffie."


Johnny Five opens the envelope and reads "And the winner is....SCIENCE IS HARD!!!" Dwayne McDuffie trots on stage and grabs the award, only stopping to say into the microphone "I swear I'm not turning the JLA into the JLU!!!"


As McDuffie leaves the stage, the announcer says "For our next award, please welcome Mr. Stan "The Man" Leeeeeeee!!!!"

Stan Lee walks on stage in the midst of the applause, affable as always, and as he positions himself behind the lectern, he says "Excelsior, true believers! And those of you who read DC comics as well!" As the audience's laughter dies down, Stan says "I'm here to present the first of the awards not given by any special circumstance, or by the reader's votes, but for sheer quantity of dissections. In this past two years that the column's been running, of over a thousand nits or dissections, the company with most dissections, and by a difference lower than 20 over the runner up, DC Comics, is... Marvel Comics!!!"

The Man's face goes ashen, as he looks up "Is this some kind of sick joke? Why the hell was I asked to present this particular award? What, you want a No Prize? Is that it? Alright, no more Mr. Nice Guy!!!!" The previously jolly comic book legend starts trashing the stage, when suddenly, a vaudeville style cane grabs him by the neck and removes him from view.


Uatu hurriedly enters the stage, looking flustered, as he says "What better moment than this than to present our next vote-in award? To present it, please welcome Benny Hill!!!"


Benny Hill walks on stage, and smiling, rapidly pats Uatu several times on the top of his head "Thank you Uatu! Yes, I know what many of you are thinking. Benny Hill is dead! Yes, of course I'm dead. But I'm the Benny Hill of Earth-23, where I still make fun of British people for the amusement of the whole world. And that's that. The nominees for Best Art Dissection are the following:

"REACH OUT AND TOUCH...", from issue #182 of X-Men V2, by Salvador Larroca.

"HELP! I'M SHRINKING!", from issue #4 of X-Men: The 198, by Jim Muniz.

"I ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE VIGILANTISM.", from issue #40 of Countdown by Manuel García."

Benny opens the envelope and looks at the slip of paper inside "Can you say landslide? Because all votes where for our winner, except for one. The winner is... "I ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE VIGILANTISM", by Manuel García!"

García, or rather someone wearing a plastic bag over his head walks on stage, grabs his saw-trophy, and says "MMMPHPHWOO!"


The music blares up, and as the mysterious figure leaves, a spotlight falls on Uatu, who's in a corner of the stage. "Our next presenter comes from a land down under, so let's please give it up for Crocodile Dundee!!!"


A rugged figure walks on stage, and sizes up the award in front of him "Well, it ain't a knife, that's f'sure mate. But it is bloody big, I'll tell ya. I'm here to present a special award for single issue with the most dissections. And the awards goes to Civil War: Battle Damage Report!!!" The audience claps, but nobody comes on stage to claim the award, Crocodile Dundee picks it up and leaves with it.

Uatu walks on stage again, and tugging a little at his collar says "Well, no hard feelings, right Marvel Handbooks team, eh?" Let us welcome our next presenter, a random Spanish-speaking person, who also speaks English, like the millions that live in the USA and could be consulted by writers when attempting to give their books some ethnic flavor!!!!"

A completely un-stereotypical person walks on stage, dressed in a gray suit "Hello." he says with just a hint of a Latin accent. "Let's just call me Manuel, and that's as stereotypical as I'll get. It's not even my real name."


"The nominees for Best Coloring Dissection are:

"THE INCREDIBLE COLOR-CHANGING CAPE", from issue #29 of Teen Titans V3, by Jeromy Cox.

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE GREEN OR WHITE!", from issue #32 of the same book, also by Jeromy Cox.

"I ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE VIGILANTISM", from issue #40 of Countdown, by Thomas Chu."

Opening the envelope, "Manuel" reads the contents and says "My, this was a tight race. The winner, by just one vote, is once again "I ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE VIGILANTISM", by Thomas Chu!!!"


A second figure (or perhaps the same as earlier), head covered in plastic bag, climbs on stage and raises the saw-trophy over his head "MMMWROREEE!" As the figure leaves, the announcer says "For our next award, please welcome.... is this for real? This can't be right.... uhm... OK...the Dungeon Master from the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon!!!!!""


Bald, short, and red-robbed, the Dungeon Master pops onto stage, and climbs behind the lectern "Yes... the next award is to the Book With Most Dissections... and the winner is....Countdown To Final Crisis!!!!"

Dan DiDio's mustachioed's visage appears hovering in a gigantic hologram "THANK YOU!!!!!", while in the audience Paul Dini sighs and says "I think he missed the point..."


Uatu chuckles while the spotlight shines on him, and says "Our next award was decided by your votes, but it's the first of two that goes to something positive, instead of mistakes. To present it, please welcome Mr. Chuuuuuck Noooooooorriiiiiiiis!!!"


Chuck Norris walks onto stage, kicking and punching at the air "Hey partners! I don't present awards, I am PRESENTED BY THEM!!!! YEEEHAW!!!!!!! But allow me to introduce the nominees for Best Quote:

"Electricity can only be replenished by whisky. This is actual physics. Don't argue with me, I am a doktor." Doktor Sleepless, Doktor Sleepless #1.

"Look at the Concorde: you used to be able to cross the Atlantic in three hours flat. Then the cunts stuck the future in a museum." Billy Butcher, The Boys #9.

"From the state of ridiculously tall and gorgeous amazons with perfect skin. Alba-chusetts, West Jessicabiel-burg. Stupid Alba-chussets." Brenda Del Vecchio, Blue Beetle V7 #18.

"Super-friction, Brainiac. Super-friction creates static electricity. Super-static-electricity creates... Shakkaboom. (...) My dream, my rules, you clockwork moron." Superman, Superman V1 #666.

"That is, without a doubt, the nastiest tasting stuff I ever put in my mouth." Wonder Girl II, Countdown #32.

"I'm getting lectured on CHILD SAFETY from a man who's gone through FOUR ROBINS?" Wally West (obviously to Batman), The Flash V2 #233."

Chuck throws the envelope in the air, and roundhouse kicks it open, catching the slip of paper with his teeth. He reads it, and announces "And the winner is..... Doktor Sleepless' whisky quote. by Warren Ellis!!!!!"


Doktor Sleepless jetpacks down from the ceiling, grabbing the award without stopping "YES!!! I SHALL EXPERIMENT WITH THIS AWARD!!! AND I SHALL CREATE.... THE FUTURE!!! Or perhaps, some kind of cataclysmic event that eradicates all life on Earth..." and flies away.


The announcer laughs nervously as he says "I could have sworn that was Warren Ellis dressed as Doc Sleepless... Anyway, please welcome our next presenter, Adam West!!!"


Adam West saunters onto stage, waving at everyone. "Thank you, thank you, old chums! I'm here to present the award for Best Lettering Dissection. The nominees are... the following:

"I DON'T THINK WE'RE SUPOSSED TO MENTION THAT IN FRONT OF TONY, HE MIGHT GO AND TELL HIS DRINKING BUDDIES...", from issue #16 of New Avengers, by Richard Starkings & Comicraft's Albert Deschesne (letterer).

"COCONUT PLANTATIONS ARE ILEGAL IN THE DC UNIVERSE.", from issue #1 of The Question Quarterly, by Willie Schubert (letterer).

"OH D?OS M?O!", from issue #16 of Blue Beetle V7, by Phil Balsman.

"WHA?", from issue #490 of Uncanny X-Men, by VC's Joe Caramagna."

West pulls the envelope from his pocket and opens it "And the bat-winner is... "WHA?", by VC's Joe Caramagna!!!" Joe walks onstage, and gladly accepts the award from "Batman" "Thank you, I'm a reader of the Dissector, and this is a great honor! Thank's for your votes, and don't take yourselves too seriously!!!"


The announcer says "Let's give it up for Mr. Caramagna, and keep clapping for our next musical number.... THE VILLAGE PEOPLE!!! And not that crappy new line-up, the original ones!!!!"


The whole audience moves to tune of the classic YMCA, and after minutes of frenetic dancing, Uatu walks on stage again. "Our second positive award is presented by... yours truly. I love to watch, and some moments are just to cool. The nominees for Best Moment are:

Peter Parker pwns Kingpin, from Amazing Spider-Man #542.

Superman kills Lex Luthor with a superloogie, from Superman V1 #666.

Matter-Eater Lad shows you why pointing is rude, from (Supergirl And) The Legion Of Super-Heroes V5 #33.

Tek-Knight humps a meteorite, from The Boys #10.

Namor rips off Venom’s tongue, from Sub-Mariner V2 #4 of 6.

Earth Green Lanterns swear their oath, from Green Lantern V4 #24."

Uatu smiles "And the winner is.... Earth Green Lanterns swear their oath!!!"


Geoff Johns and Ivan Reis trot on stage, and accept the award and say in unison "IN BRIGHTEST DAY, IN DARKEST NIGHT.... YEAH BABY!!!!!" and run off stage really happy with their saw-trophy.


The announcer's voice is heard again through the speakers "To introduce our last vote-in award, please welcome the Dissector himself, Grand Admiral MaGnUs, of the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps!!!" Impeccably dressed in Victorian-style British Admiral of the Fleet uniform, only in dark green tones, full of condecorations. Behind him, and to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars, marches an honor guard of the HDSC, with their ceremonial saw-haldberd weapons.


MaGnUs stops marching and the troops arrange themselves in the background of the stage; removing his impeccable white gloves to handle the envelope. "Thank you, thank you all." he says, as the applause dies down. "I'm here to present the last vote-in award, the award to "Best Other Dissection", which includes editors and the like. I've always said, from the start of this mission, when I was the Nitpicker, that editors are always at fault for not spotting the mistakes their creators do. The nominees are...

"THEY SHOT MFK!", from issue #539 of Amazing Spider-Man, by Axel Alonso (editor).

"EVEN THE REST OF HER POWERS ARE INVISIBLE!", from the onef-shot Civil War: Battle Damage Report, by Anthony Flamini (head writer/coordinator) and/or Ronald Byrd (writer), and Michael Hoskin (proofing coordination).

"52 UNIVERSES CERTAINLY ISN'T ENOUGH...", from the DC Nation column from the week of September 24, 2007, by Richard Bruning (DC Creative Director)."

Opening the envelope, MaGnUs reads it "And the winner is... "THEY SHOT MFK!", by Axel Alonso!!! Let's give it up for Axel, who at least admitted to goofing up!!!"


Axel climbs on stage and accepts his award "Don't look for the gaff in the second printing and the trade, because we've fixed it!" As Alonso walks off-stage, the Uatu announces the next presenters "Please don't throw any blunt or bladed objects at our last presenters, Michael Turner and Rob Liefeld!!!"


Rob and Mike walk on stage, as security guards deal with the rowdier members of the crowd. Michael Turner says "We might not know much about anatomy, but we can at least stick to character designs." to which Rob adds "Most of the time, anyway. But there are some character designs that just don't seem to be understood by artist, and that's what the last special award is. The Golden Autopsy Award of 2005-2007 goes to... the many shapes of the X-Men's Beast!!!!"

Uatu walks on stage, as the 10 feet video screen behind the stage projects multiple images of the Beast, and he brushes Rob and Mike aside, climbing behind the lectern.


"Uuuh... we just got word that Joe Quesada, who was supposed to accept this award, is still stuck drawing One More Day, despite the fact that it's already been published. Something a deal with the devil or some other nonsense. So, this concludes our awards ceremony, let's enjoy our last musical number, for which we've reunited Swedish black metal band Dissection, and they'll be playing for us their song
Black Dragon! Yes, we had no idea they existed before this ceremony, but come on, they're called Dissection, and look at that song title!!!


The crowd claps as a black leather clad trio takes to the stage, with videos of dragons and gruesome cadaver dissections are shown in the screen behind them. Black metal sound explodes from the speakers, as the crowd slam-dances, including a very drunk and loud trio comprised of Mark Millar, Warren Ellis, and Brian Michael Bendis. Oddly enough, Uatu is nowhere to be seen now. In the background, from a dais, the Grand Admiral of the HDSC surveys all... the awards are done, and it's time to resume the vigil, for NOTHING ESCAPES THE DISSECTOR!!!!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Creator sighting!

While you wait for the column on the latest comics (tis the season for delays), and the reveal of who won the Autopsy Awards, here's another creator sighting:

Joe Caramagna (of Virtual Caligraphy fame), letterer of many books, has sent me the following e-mail: "Hi! I read your blog here and there and I love it (even though I'm a culprit once in a while)! But I do have to defend myself just a little bit (Ha ha). In your latest blog, you name Greg Pak and myself as a culprit for World War Hulk Aftersmash: Warbound #1 in which Dum Dum Dugan says "Your" instead of "You're".

While Greg and myself can both share the blame for an error like that, you can't overlook the team of Marvel proofreaders and editor Nate Cosby (not to throw my buddy Nate under the bus). Greg did spell the word wrong at first, but all of us (or at least ONE of us) should have caught it!

Keep up the great work, the blog is hilarious!"


Thanks for the kind words Joe, I'm glad you enjoy the column. I always blame editors, and by extension, the proofreaders, so much, that I can't be bothered to mention them in every single dissection. Say, Joe, speaking about the proofreading department over at Marvel... think you can get in a good word for me? You know I have a good eye for these things....

Thank you very much for reading Joe, and for taking your time to write.

Friday, December 28, 2007

The Dissector #54.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Dammit Cindy! I can't fight foreign invaders in a Steely Dan T-shirt!" Max Keane, The Programme #06.

Weeeeelcoooome to the last column of the year! I hope this was a good year for you all, and if it wasn't, I hope next year's better. Straight into this week's content, last column's Dissect This! was busted by Miss Kitty Fantastico, who correctlyt pointed out that Salakk's name was misspelled as "Salaak". Badge for you, MKF! This is the last week to vote for the Autopsy Awards, by the way, so if you haven't voted, check out the nominees and e-mail your votes here.

The Dissector's Pick Of The Week For Best Book Of The Week was The Order #06, not a particularly outstanding book, but a good read overall, and a better balance to the character origin / moving the story forward format writer Matt Fraction has been giving us until now. The art by Barry Kitson, with inks by Mark Morales and Scott Koblish, and colors by Jelena Kevic Djurdjevic and Soto, is very good, with detailed mecha and monster designs, and believable (if stylized) human figures.

The Worst Book Of The Week was Star Trek: Alien Spotlight: Orions, and not because it was a bad book, but rather because it utterly misses its point. It had an entertaining, if completely unoriginal script by Scott and David Tipton, and nice art by Elena Casagrande, colored by Mirco Pierfederici. However, this books fails completely at providing any spotlight on the Orions, showing only one Orion female (and another one in a flashback), and she's not even in about three-quarters of the book! We're supposed to be learning about these alien species, not about Christopher Pike. Well then, on with the dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"O ERROR MAIS RECURRENTE DO MUNDO!"

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 21.

CULPRIT: Travis Lanham (letterer).

DISSECTION: The first caption box has the Checkmate symbol obscuring the first part, and you can only guess that it reads "7", although it might be "17". Also, on the roll call, Fire's last name is once more spelled "Dacosta" instead of "da Costa".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THIS IS THE KIND OF TAN YOU GET OUTSIDE THE OZONE LAYER!"

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Superwoman-Batwoman (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Kanila Tripp (colorist).

DISSECTION: On the cover, and in most of the book, Green Lantern (Kylie Rayner) is colored as if she's human, but on the Justice League's monitors (page five) she's definitely colored purple, as if alien.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"YOU KNOW, GREEN LANTERN COSTUMES ARE LIKE THAT..."

TITLE: Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Superwoman-Batwoman (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Kalman Andrasofzsky (penciller pages 1-13, 15-17).

DISSECTION: Not only is Green Lantern's skin colored differently, her costume is not the same in the monitor as in the rest of the issue. And no, it's not because it's a separate penciller, because Andrasofszky also pencils page ten, and her costume is different there.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"JUST CALL ME AUNTIE GOODNESS."

TITLE: Countdown To Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Jesus Saiz (penciller).

DISSECTION: Granny Goodness is yet again drawn to young and svelte. So, on another note, it's revealed that the island Granny is using as Themiscyra is Themiscyra itself, complete with hiding Hippolyta... but still, all that was said previously doesn't jive well, so my previous dissections on the matter still stand.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"STRESS IS MESSING MY 'DO UP."

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 839.

CULPRIT: Ryan Benjamin and/or Don Kramer (pencillers).

DISSECTION: Merlyn is not bald, he has a definite widow's peak, but he's not bald.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BUTLER, MEDIC, NINJA!"

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 839.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).

DISSECTION: Alfred is not a ninja, he can't help defend kung-fuesque monks from Demon Head cult ninjas!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HOLY DISSECTIONS BATMAN!"

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 839.

CULPRIT: Ryan Benjamin and/or Don Kramer (pencillers).

DISSECTION: Check out this image below, tell me what's wrong:



DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MORPH... YES, THAT'S HIM..."

TITLE: Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 100.

CULPRIT: Jordan D. White (assistant editor) and/or Mark Paniccia (senior editor).

DISSECTION: Cast of characters at the beginning of the book, absolutely no mention of Morph not being really Morph. Oh, and of course, this is the last issue, because we definitely need a New Exiles title now...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LOOK INTO THE EYES OF THE GODS!"

TITLE: The Incredible Hulk V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 112.

CULPRIT: Khoi Pham & Stephane Peru (artists).

DISSECTION: Ares' eyes lacks pupils during most of the book, if not all. This dissection was brought to you by Dominik B., he gets another badge.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"MOOSE, BUT NOT BAUMANN."

TITLE: Jughead & Friends Digest (Archie).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Adam Walmsley (colorist).

DISSECTION: Jughead's T-shirt is miscolored on page 2, panel 3. Thanks to Shad for reporting this, badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER:
<-------------------------------->
"WHITE BOOTS? REALLY?"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Joe Benitez (penciller).

DISSECTION: Guy Gardner's drawn with his old haircut, plus, his boots are colored white.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for the haircut.
<-------------------------------->
"KYLE WHO?"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Dwayne McDuffie

DISSECTION: Guy Gardner says he's holding the Tangent Green Lantern for Kyle until "he comes back". He's not only back, but he's your partner now.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"QUIVER, ARROW, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 16.

CULPRIT: Dwayne McDuffie

DISSECTION: The Atom (from Tangent) breaks Red Arrow's bow, yet on page 13 he says "he broke my quiver", and his quiver is obviously intact, while his holding the two halves of his broken bow (shout out to all Star Trek fans!).

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!"

TITLE: Madame Mirage (Top Cow).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Paul Dini (writer).

DISSECTION: So, a technology so sophisticated it can converse with people almost as if it were sentient, and can project solid holograms, among many other things, but it crashes when you use a reference to a movie it hasn't seen?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AMAZING, IT WASN'T MOOSE!"

TITLE: Metamorpho: Year One (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Lee Loughridge (colorist).

DISSECTION: Hal Jordan's gloves are colored green instead of white.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WASSAPENING SIMONES?"

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Will Panzo & Daniel Ketchum (assistant editors) and/or Nick Lowe (editor).

DISSECTION: Simone Bianchi, penciller for cover "B", is billed as "Simones" in the credits page.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I JUST KICKED THEM SHOES OFF TO DANCE BETTER!"

TITLE: New X-Men V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Humberto Ramos (penciller).

DISSECTION: Hepzibah was wearing boots last week, now she's barefoot.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I'M SLOUCHING."

TITLE: She-Hulk V2.

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Shawn Moll (penciller).

DISSECTION: She-Hulk is drawn too short.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WHAT DEPARTMENT DO YOU BELONG TO, AGAIN?"

TITLE: Star Trek: Year Four (IDW Publishing).

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Steve Conley (artist).

DISSECTION: I'm tired of no department markings on the badges.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BOOT, AND REBOOT."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 671.

CULPRIT: Peter Vale (penciller).

DISSECTION: Alright, I can't keep counting everything as dissections, but I hate references to Lana Lang having live parents when she was a teen, or her father being a banker, etc, etc. ARGH!!!!

*Sigh* ... In this case, my problem is that Vale decides to draw Superman's boots with defined soles and heels, when they don't have any.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"TO THE MOON, ALICE, TO THE MOON!"

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 671.

CULPRIT: Kurt Busiek (writer).

DISSECTION: Superman pitches AND bats a homerun for charity, sending a ball on a slow, one-month ascent to the moon, to hit on a target. He says he didn't send it faster, because he'd "punch a hole right through the moon". Nope, as hard as Superman can hit, he'd probably destroy the baseball AND the bat, and if not, the ball would disintegrate against the moon. No matter how hard you hit a wall with a glass bottle, it's still a glass bottle.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SOMEBODY SAAAAAVE MEEEE!"

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: Michael Green (writer).

CULPRIT: Alright, I can't complain (as a dissection, I sure as hell can rant, but don't have the energy for it right now) about the fact that they've Smalvillized Superman (there was tons of Kryptonite in Smalville during his teens, there was a freak of the week caused by it, etc.)

But I sure as hell can complain about the fact that there's people selling kryptonite engagement rings, when it gives radiation poisoning. Or are we ignoring ALL of Superman continuity between COIE and INFINITE CRISIS now?!?!?

DISSECTION: 10 Bazzars.

DISSECT-O-METER:
<-------------------------------->
"I AM NAMOR, AND I'M BACK TO MY OLD TRICKS!"

TITLE: The Order V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

DISSECTION: This issue contradicts what's been going on with Namor lately

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HE'S CHECKING IT TWICE..."

TITLE: Various DC books (DC).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Dan DiDio (senior VP/executive editor).

DISSECTION: The Christmas wish list in the DC Nation section at the end of the books, has several wishes that are just plain wrong. I mean, why would Red Tornado wish for a family to call his own, when he already wants one? Or Superman for a new place to call home?

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each. This is just like those stupid Nick Fury files things over at Marvel...
<-------------------------------->
"iVENGERS."

TITLE: What If? Civil War (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Harvey Tolibao (artist).

DISSECTION: Why would the Avengers use Macs, when they've got Stark tech?

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I REALIZE DUGAN SPEAKS TOUGH, BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS."

TITLE: World War Hulk Aftersmash: Warbound

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Greg Pak (writer) and/or VC's Joe Caramagna (letterer).

DISSECTION: Another one by Dominik B., this time Dum Dum Dugan says, on page 20, "You're" instead of "Your".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
This week's average was 6.5 Bazzars, basically within our usual averages range. Moments Of The Week! First up, the original Masters Of Evil hold a shadow puppet contest:


Either that, or they're practicing their mad rapping skillz. Then, what do you do if you're a quadriplegic former marine surrounded by giant mutant scorpions, and your mecha breaks down? Why, you open it manually, say "Semper Fi" and blast the hell out of them critters with your .45s!


And last, but not least, Dan DiDio's Christmas' list for the DC heroes and villains:


At first I thought he was once more denying the fans of what they've been asking, but then I realized that he's actually fueling the fires of speculation on Spoiler's return. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

PS: Happy New Year!