The Dissector #155.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Look at them, Glory... 129 new taxpayers all. Officially. Every new citizen is like a tiny Monopoly man with an accent." Hizzoner J. Jonah Jameson, Mayor Of New York, during a US citizen naturalization ceremony, The Amazing Spider-Man #625.

Welcome to the column for comics released on 03/10. Sadly, the DT! from last week wasn't cracked, so I'll have to tell you. The problem with that panel was that Patriot and Black Marvel are lifting what looks to be a 105mm Howitzer M2A1 artillery piece (aka M101 Howitzer), which weights 2260 kg; and if it's another type of howitzer, even more... but neither character has superstrength, or any other superpowers for that matter.

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was The Amazing Spider-Man #625; with good art by Max Fiumara and a touching story by Joe Kelly. What happens is what we all knew would happen, but at least I hoped it wouldn't: the original Rhino's wife is killed by the newcomer, and that leads him to become the Rhino again and blame Spider-Man for all his woes... Worst Book Of The Week was the X-23 one-shot, unappealing art, and an unnecessary and convoluted story.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (eye colors wrong, including some that change between pages, one name incorrect), American Vampire (ñ and accented letter), Avengers Vs. Atlas (Pym's eyes are not green, and he's not a physicist), Batman (Batman's gloves and chest/belt emblems are wrong, with the chest emblem even changing between pages), Dark Avengers (Norman's eyes), Doctor Who (the Doctor's sonic screwdriver is wrong on the cover), Green Arrow V4 (Ollie's wearing the costume from Smallville on the cover), Green Lantern Corps V2 (assorted badges and rings are wrong), Hulk V3 (Banner's eyes are colored wrong; as are Cyclop's boots), The Incredible Hulk V1 (Banner's eyes), Nation X (for some reason, Wolverine has brown hair and eyes, and Magneto's boots and gauntlets look like they did in the 60s), Nova V4 (accented letter), Siege (Norman's eyes), Spider-Man & The Secret Wars (eye color wrong on Doom and Reed), Spider-Woman V4 (Spider-Man's chest emblem is missing for a page), Supergirl V6 (Matter-Eater Lad's hair is wrong, as are Projectra's gloves; and someone's got blank eyes), Superman 80-Page Giant V2 (Green Arrow's costume is wrong, and why do Clark and Lois have separate single beds?), Titans V2 (Speedy's hat is wrong), X-23 V2 (Jubilee and X-23 get their eyes colored incorrectly), X-Factor Forever (Archangel's eyes are missing, Trish Tilby's eyes should be blue, Master "Meld", and Gammenon The "Gather"), X-Men: Legacy (accented letters). And, of course, your dissections:
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"ALL OF YOUR BASES BELONG TO US."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 154.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: When I meant to say "there are advanced cybernetics technology in the DCU", I missed the word "are". Thanks to Donald313 for spotting that, and badge for him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"SEA PANTHERS."

TITLE: Doomwar (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 06.

CULPRIT: Jonathan Maberry (writer).

DISSECTION: Wakanda, a landlocked country (although it borders with Azania and Kenya through Lake Turkana, formerly Lake Rudolf), is said by the Dora Milaje to have a navy 30,000 strong... What? Numbers, numbers... navies from landlocked countries include the Azerbaijani Navy (2,200 strong), and the Bolivian Naval Force (5,000). Then there's other, more famous navies like the French Navy (with 42,866 soldiers and 7,200 civilians), or the Royal Navy of the UK (42,600 active personnel and 38,510 reserve personnel). Or if you want smaller, or poorer countries, you've got the 42,000 strong Royal Moroccan Navy Force... but Morocco has a large coastline.

Why would Wakanda, a landlocked country which is one of the most advanced (if not the most) country in the planet, and only a tiny lake to sail have a navy almost the same size as the French navy? Lake Turkana (sometimes called the Jade Sea) has little more than a tenth of the surface of Lake Michigan (6,000 square km against 58,000), a little less than half of its average depth (30 meters against 85), and about a third of its maximum depth (109 meters against 281). Yes, some landlocked countries keep part of their navies stationed in ports belonging to other countries; but that doesn't make much sense for Wakanda, a traditionally isolationist nation.

If you want to exaggerate, give them a 5,000 strong navy (like my country's) and arm them with the advanced technology all Wakandan troops have. Thirty thousand is just a random number Maberry pulled out of his head.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. I wanted to give it a higher rating, but it doesn't really affect the story or go against anything already established in continuity... just against common sense. Also, Doom and Nightcrawler have their eyes colored incorrectly. Oh, and I just noticed that colorist Jean-François Beaulieu has his name spelled incorrectly as "Jean-Francois".
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"GREEN WRONGNET."

TITLE: Green Hornet: Year One (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 01

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: Oh my... a Dynamite book written by Wagner, lettered by Bowland, and one that includes a character who is not American. Of course it's riddled with mistakes, but not on a Zorro level. I'll list them, anyway:

French: Poorly constructed French dialogue, including "francais" instead of "français", accented letters.

English: "Comprehesion", "compostition", and "emporer".

Japanese (Romanized): "Saumrai".

For fuck's sake, Wagner, you're a good writer, what's this all about?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each. The art is pretty good, but this doesn't stop penciller Campbell from drawing a mysteriously floating duffel bag resting on Britt's shoulder.
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"HERCULES: DISSECTION OF AN AVENGER."

TITLE: Hercules: Fall of an Avenger (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).

DISSECTION: Apart from numerous coloring errors (including giving Amadeus Cho blue eyes), there's this:


Spot it, so commands Zeus!

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. You know what, it's actually a double one, in addition to what you need to spot, Hercules' costume is wrong.
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"SMELL LIKE IRON."

TITLE: L.A. Times Online (or possibly, Diesel).

ISSUE: N/A.

CULPRIT: Unknown.

DISSECTION: It seems that Diesel has launched an Iron Man 2 cologne, based on their "Only The Brave" fragrance. Do they want you to smell like engine oil and vodka?

You know what's funny? The article says the box has early Iron Man comics on it; but those panels are from the current Iron Man title, Invincible Iron Man, and Iron Patriot, Victoria Hand, the Black Widow, and Maria Hill.

Hopefully, the L.A. Times didn't actually have a picture of the box and they made a mock up of it; with the wrong comics. It'd be terrible if Diesel actually stuck Norman Osborn.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. I know I don't usually report stuff that's not on actual comics, with the exception of Wizard Magazine or my own blog... but this was too much to let it slide.
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"TO STOP THEM! FAST!"

TITLE: The Torch (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 08.

CULPRIT: Mike Carey (script).

DISSECTION: Ezequiel and Donald313 alerted me to some dissections in this book; a title I dropped after the first issue. Donald313 noticed some wrong German text that's incorrect; in one someone says "Aufhalten Sie! Schnell!". That´s like saying "To stop them! Fast!" It should be "Haltet sie auf!"

Ezequiel, on the other hand, noticed an accented letter that's smaller than it should be, and the Fantastic Four referred to as the "Cuatros Fantásticos", when it should be "Cuatro Fantásticos". I noticed some more dissections, since I took the time to read the issue. There's German text inside translation brackets, and there's another accented letter that's smaller than it should be... when three speech balloons before it's regular-sized. Finally, a character says "That's the Herr Doktor", which obviously has an extra "the".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each. Badges for both HDSC members.
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"DISCO DAZZLER ROGUE NIGHTCRAWLER PRETTY SAILOR PAINT ME NOW!"

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 19.

CULPRIT: Graham Nolan (penciller) and Guillem Mari (colorist).

DISSECTION: Rogue has absorbed Nightcrawler's powers and physical features; leaving Nightcrawler looking human... and with Rogue's powers; which work on anyone but her. When Kurt touches Xavier, both of them are enveloped in a brilliant flash of yellow light, which Jean recognizes as "Rogue's power signature". Since when is Rogue's power signature a Dazzler show?!??!

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. There are also several eye colors wrong.
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A 6.4 Bazzars in eighty-four dissections, quite a number of dissections this week. Cover Of The Week stays within the same family, but this time it's by Marko Djurdjevic:


Simple, yet effective, reminiscent of a boxing or wrestling match poster. Now, Moments of The Week, full of Siege... but first, some Blackest Night:


Yeah, that's a Tholian web, and Guy Gardner is a trekkie! Then, old lovers share memories about Hercules:


Northstar? Well, Hercules was an ancient Greek hero... Then, Grant Morrison's acid dreams deliver:


Dwarven pirates in submarines!!! And after these entrées, the Siege main course:


With a beef of "Asgard shattered"...


... a dressing of "you're under arrest"...


... and a side of "you had that one coming". That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #154.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"This station will be ground up with your bones into the finest powder which we will snort in our victory orgy." Drenx commander, S.W.O.R.D. #5.

Welcome to the column for comics released on 03/10; and let me start off by saying that Donald313 noticed correctly that in last week's DT! Hal Jordan was wearing white boots. Badge for you, my friend, and thank you for the kind e-mail you sent me.

Now, The Dissection's Picks Of The Week: Best Book Of The Week was R.E.B.E.L.S. #14; great end to the Starro storyline; and a book that shows DC's space setting and characters at its best; as opposed to the latest Mystery In Space stuff which was just plain boring while trying to be "cosmic". Worst Book Of The Week was X-Men: Pixie Strikes Back #2... cute girly art, but weak writing; Kathryn Immonen confuses "oneiric" with "senseless wacky story with demons". More or less like the second Seaguy mini by Grant Morrison, "Slaves of Mickey Eye".

Now, your Rundown! Batgirl V3 (Wendy's eyes are colored incorrectly, Stephanie's eyes are blank, then are colored incorrectly), Batman: The Widening Gyre (gigantic bat ears), Cable V2 (Wolfsbane's eyes are colored incorrectly), Dark X-Men (Spider-Man's eyes are colored blue), Doom Patrol V5 (a character is missing her face for no reason in a panel), Ghost Projekt (pointless alternating of Russian and English, without translation brackets), The Human Target (wrong use of the Italian language), Lockjaw And The Pet Avengers Unleashed (wrong character design on Lockheed), The Mystic Hands Of Doctor Strange (accented letter), Powers V3 (a Nazi says "Hiel Hitler", and someone says "you're" instead of "your"), Red Robin (Alfred is shown as if living at Wayne Manor), S.W.O.R.D. (Beast still looks like a Bothan, and he also gets one toe less than he should), Superman: Last Stand Of New Krypton (Sensor Girl's gloves are too short), Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Silverback is probably an old villain of Spider-Girl, but Don "Silvo"?!?!? I'm sorry, "Silvo" is not a person's name, for God's sake, it's a metal polishing product. Try "Silvio".), Wolverine: Savage (Wolverine has slightly sharp canines, not vampire teeth), Wolverine: Mr. X (Norman's eyes). Go on to the dissections, now.
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"D.R.B.P.?"

TITLE: B.P.R.D.: King Of Fear (Dark Horse).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Guy Davis (artist).

DISSECTION: The "D" of BPRD in a downed plane is missing it's lower right corner, just barely. Then by the next panel, the lower half of the letter and a corner of the (previously untouched) "R" are missing, causing Liz to say she can't make out the last letter at all.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"BREAKING COMICS."

TITLE: Breaking Into Comics The Marvel Way! (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: Kathyrn Immonen (writer) and/or Serena Ficca (artist), Runaways story.

DISSECTION: By all means, if you're an artist, just shimmy up to an editor at a convention or publish your stuff on your DeviantArt page or some other internet site and we'll see it and you will break into comics!!! Even if you're from the ass-end of the world, you'll get published, no matter if you're awesome like Yildiray Cinar, or a completely talentless hack like Javier Aranda.

But if you're a writer, well, then, (almost) actual words by an editor: "publish your own comic books and we'll take notice of you". Real fair for writers, huh? Am I being bitter? Slightly. Am I doing something about it? Yes, making comics. And complaining.

In any case, apart from Spider-Man's chest emblem being wrong on the cover, and half of the characters in this book having their eyes colored incorrectly, the worst dissection here is having Karolina of the Runaways use her powers as if she was a Green Lantern. Yes, her beams can be concussive if she wants; but she cannot hold down someone with them as if she had a power ring.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. No idea how Cinar and Aranda actually broke into comics, they're just examples.
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"ARE YOU LOST? NEED A MAP?"

TITLE: Detective Comics (DC).

ISSUE: 862.

CULPRIT: Cully Hamner (penciller).

DISSECTION: A map of the DC Earth (New Earth) is shown, and many of the fictitious countries are missing.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Batman's gloves are wrong, and Huntress' eyes are green first, then blue (correct color).
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"I MEANT THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WROTE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 153.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I made two small mistakes in the previous column; I wrote "he doesn't actually have enhanced reflexes" when I wanted to say that Timber Wolf actually has enhanced reflexes, and "in a nod Projectra´s original costume", missing the word "to". Both were spotted by Donald313, who reaches the rank of Lt. Commander! Glückwünsche, Herr Korvettenkapitän! (And yeah, that German might be wrong.)

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for the Timber Wolf one, 3 for the Projectra one.
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"THE RISE AND FALL OF PAYING ATTENTION TO THE CHARACTERS YOU'RE WRITING AND DRAWING IN A STORY."

TITLE: Justice League: Rise And Fall Special (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: JT Krul (writer).

DISSECTION: How can Green Arrow say that the heroes considered Prometheus "kind of a joke", when he'd shown he was a villain to be reckoned with?

Plus, there's a gigantic amount of art and coloring errors in this book, enough for their own mini-rundown: Batman's cowl is colored incorrectly, his gloves and emblem is wrong, then changes to another wrong emblem, and the emblem on his belt is wrong; Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, his gloves shouldn't have visible seams, and his mask alternates between having white lenses and letting you see his eyes; Wally West's new costume shouldn't have wings on its boots, and Black Canary's costume is colored wrong. And when you thought the errors are over, here comes the faux newspaper piece where Batman's gloves are wrong again, Mr. Terrific is inexplicably not wearing a shirt under his leather jacket, Judomaster is a huge muscular man, Hal Jordan's badge is wrong, and Congorilla is the size of a small Winnebago.

On an interesting note, my friend Kal and I were discussing how dumb it is to be making a fuss about Red Arrow losing an arm, when there advanced cybernetics technology in the DCU; both of Earth and alien origin... we even said "Why, Cyborg is supposed to be his friend..." and then we noticed Cyborg examining an arm right in Roy's room... Of course, seeing the previews for "The Rise Of Arsenal" (here, and here), it was kind of predictable. Oh, of course, he has a metal arm, so he must wear no shirt, or a short-sleeved one to show it off... How Cable of him.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"SPEARHEAD DISSECTION."

TITLE: The Twelve: Spearhead (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Chris Weston (writer/penciller).

DISSECTION: Now, this one was obvious to me, but then again, I'm the Dissector, am I not?


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. There are other dissections too, Nick Fury's eye (he just lost the other one) is colored blue first, then correctly as brown; and Captain America's forehead "A" is shown with a military style stencil font on his mask.. it's never been that way.
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Like was to be expected, there was a 6.2 Bazzars average in the fifty-five dissections we had. Now, the Cover Of The Week will make seem like I'm being repetitive at best, or a bootlicker at worst:


Yes, Mrs. Jelena Djurdjevic once again! Now she shows us that she doesn't just paint pretty ladies, she can paint some pretty scary monsters too... Moments Of The Week; first up, Superboy & The Legion Of Super-Heroes arrive on New Krypton!


Now, Pete Woods would not have been my choice for artist on Last Stand, but you know me, I'm a sucker for Legion moments. Then, the A-Team stars in a prequel to their upcoming movie:


Not for being a classic something can't be a good MoT, right? I loved this next one:


Pimp slap! Still in Marvel, someone finally calls Iron Fist on his shoes:


Could have been worse, he could have been wearing the slippers... And last, still within the Marvel Universe, Peter Parker gets what he deserves:


Whether he deserves it for faking a photo, or for helping JJJ, that's still to be seen... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #153.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"You listen to me, Twilight. My God, is that really the name you picked? I lived that idea first, right? (And my vampire was so much better.)" Buffy, Buffy The Vampire Slayer #33.

I guess that with that name, Twilight could have only been Angel, as was revealed in that Buffy issue. Of course, I guess he's some alternate dimension Angel, or an imposter... or maybe he's actually Angel, since Angel's comic and Buffy's are published by different companies, I guess we can call them different realities now... Welcome to the column for comics released on 03/03; you can go look at the 2009 Autopsy Awards winners if you'd like, and thanks to all the creators who commented on their awards.

Last week's DT! wasn't solved, which is strange considering how sharp my readers are. Claremont has Havok say that he and Polaris are scientists specialized in Native American culture and history; implying they're anthropologists, historians, or something along those lines. Alex Summers and Lorna Dane actually have degrees in geophysics; which has nothing to do with Native Americans studies.

Before The Rundown (short as it is this week), let's see The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was Adventure Comics V1 #511. While not a wonderful comic, it's full of Legion goodness, and I'm a sucker for that. Worst Book Of The Week was X-Men Noir: Mark Of Cain. I just can't see the point or any rhyme and reason for this Noir book; it's even more pointless than the previous one with the X-Men. This is odd, because I usually love everything Fred Van Lente writes.

The Rundown: The Boys (accented letter), G.I. Joe (Dr. Orizama's are blue first, then brown), Green Hornet (accented letter), JSA All-Stars (Green Lantern's costume and ring are wrong, the Wizard's moustache disappears between panels, and Atom Smasher's eyes and hair are colored incorrectly), Ultimate Comics New Ultimates (accented letter), X-Men: Hope (Hope's eyes are colored wrong, and Steve Dillon, an artist well known for his Punisher work, draws a bullet extracted from someone with no deformation). Wow, more like a light jog, wasn't it? Dissections:
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"RETRO COMPUTERS."

TITLE: Adventure Comics V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 511.

CULPRIT: Sterling Gates (writer) and Travis Moore (penciller).

DISSECTION: I understand how, for narrative purposes, you might want to put information on computer screens in English, but it's still wrong. Brainiac 5's computers on Colu should display data in Interlac, or even Coluan.

On another matter... WHY ISN'T QUISLET ON EITHER THE @@#$%&# COVERS?!?!?!? Main cover artist Francis Manapul told me "she wasn't on the list"; and the variant cover (or main cover if, as I do, you follow the original adventure number) is a collage of inner art panels. So I ask... are the editors conspiring against Quislet? HUH?

He doesn't get lines inside the issue, and in most panels he's not even seen (when he should be). The same happens in this week's "Last Stand Of New Krypton", and I just couldn't bear it... and sent Sterling Gates a Facebook message. He replied "Just you wait. Quislet's day in the sun is coming. :)".

*nerdgasm*

By the way, Quislet is an energy being from another dimension, with, as far as it's been shown, no gender. While I understand why I and other people refer to Quislet as "him"; it struck me as odd that Manapul used "she". Is he even familiar with the character, or was it a personal choice? Know what I did? I went and asked him again, and he said "probably cause i had no idea who it is. lol I just assumed since it sounds like a girls name. :)". What, dear reader, you don't know who Quislet is either? Read up.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. There are also several character design errors, and Timber Wolf's identified as having superstrength and superspeed... he doesn't actually have enhanced reflexes, which grant him a measure of enhanced speed, that while somewhat superhuman, are not exactly "superspeed" in the speedster sense. Also, penciller Julián López is credited as "Julian López"... close enough, editors and letterer...
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"BEST COLMN."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 145.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: While working on the Autopsy Awards winners I found several errors on my own columns. For example, I wrote "Best Bok" in #145.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Other minor errors in #s 112, 131, 133, and 134.
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"CRY FOR DISSECTION."

TITLE: Justice League: Cry For Justice (DC).

ISSUE: 07 of 07.

CULPRIT: Mauro Cascioli, Siya Oum, and Giovani Kososki (colorists).

DISSECTION: This book is a mess; not only it's a horrible read, but also Cascioli couldn't finish a miniseries in time and had to get artists Scott Clark and Ibraim Roberson to work the art with him... to boot, one of the two (I'm not familiar with either's style) draws in a style very close to Cascioli's; so all the art dissections will go to the three of them...

In any case, what's the problem below?


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Lots of other errors, like Hal's badge being wrong (though one of Cascioli's stand-ins, the one whose style is more distinctive, almost gets it right), other costuming mistakes, eye coloring mistakes, and Ray Palmer's eyes alternating between being behind white lenses in his mask or completely visible.
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"MON EL'S MESMERIZING SHIELD."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 697.

CULPRIT: Blond (colorist).

DISSECTION: Longtime reader J. Corbin noticed that in this issue from some weeks ago, Mon El's S-shield changes color constantly. While at first the lighting conditions might cause that, after he leaves the burning ruins of the Science Police HQ, that doesn't fly. Badge for you, Mr. Corbin.

Also, I was noticing that books out in March were showing Sensor Girl's costume to be sleeveless, and I thought it was a mistake. Actually, her new costume is sleeveless, but in the last page of Superman #697, she's drawn with shorter gloves and with sleeves (there's a change of artist midway through the book). In any case, her current costume has opera gloves (gloves that go past her elbows, in a nod Projectra's original costume); but she's being drawn with shorter gloves... oh, and her eyes should be blue, not green.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars for the emblem color changes.
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A very normal 6.3 Bazzars average in thirty seven dissections. Normal, indeed. Now, Cover Of The Week is again one of the gorgeous alternate pinups by Jelena Djurdjevic:


She manages to make a C-lister like Lyra (I had to go check what her name was beyond She-Hulk II) look amazing; and adds that subtle, yet suitable background to keep it from being just a pin-up. Keep it up, Jelena. Now, Moments Of The Week... first up, Andrew knows when it's clobberin' time:


Too bad he's the one who gets clobbered... Now, the next MOT and the following one are from older comics; I recently watched all of Fringe, then caught up with the six issue mini released last year by Wildstorm. I understand how sometimes you can't have characters looking too much like the actors... which isn't the case here, because in other instances the characters look like the actors in this mini. Why this, then?


Why does Dr. Walter Bishop, still in the sanitarium, look like Saddam?!?!?! Even when young, Bish had his sense of justice:


... and humor. And last, Brainiac 5:


... level 12 douche. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Creator sighting!

Many creators thanked me and my readers for the (positive) Autopsy Awards they received:

Joe Caramagna (via Facebook): Do I get some sort of statuette with this? :-)

Me: Wish I had the budget for that. I can create a plaque in Photoshop, would that be good? :)
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Phil Jimenez (via Facebook): THANK YOU!

Me: You're welcome, Phil. Thanks for the hard work!
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Marc Guggenheim (via Facebook): "Thanks! Glad you enjoyed."

Me: Thanks for Spidey and for Flashforward!
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Dan Slott (via Facebook): Thank you, sir!

Me: Very much welcome, keep up the good work.
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Jean-Luc Sala (via Facebook): waaa ! Thank you !!! that's great !!!

Me: No, thank you. It's a pleasure on my part.
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Brian Lynch (via Facebook): Wow, very cool, thank you!

Me: No, thank you. That line made me laugh (and everyone else who voted for it).
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Christina Strain (via Facebook): HAHAHAHAHAHA that is SO AWESOME!!!

Me: CeeCee, glad you liked it. Thanks for taking it all in good humor.
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Jimmy Palmiotti (via Facebook): thats just plain awesome. everyone check out this link!

Me: Thanks Jimmy! Keep up the good work.
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Jean-Luc Sala (on his Facebook status): Cross fire / Spin Angels awarded "Breakout Book Of 2009" !! thank you Magnus !

Me: You're welcome, and keep the good BDs coming.

The Dissector Special #08: Autopsy Awards 2009 Winners.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)


Thank you all for voting; here are your choices (and mine, hey, I voted first!) for the Autopsy Awards 2009:
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Best Writing Dissection:

Without a doubt, and by a landslide (73% of votes), the winner is:

W01-"RED LIGHTNING!" (The Dissector #108, 01/21/09)

COMMENT: This was a bit surprising; since James Robinson is a good writer, and this is not just sloppy science, but sloppy comic book reading comprehension.

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 683.

CULPRIT: James Robinson (writer).

DISSECTION: Black Lightning uses his powers against a Kryptonian by surrounding him with lightning and then... CHANGING THE LIGHTNING'S COLOR TO RED, THEREFORE RENDERING THE KRYPTONIAN POWERLES??!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Robinson, Kryptonians are powerless under RED SUNLIGHT, not RED ELECTRICITY!!! Black Lightning has ELECTRIC POWERS not SOLAR POWERS!!!

Robinson also has Starfire absorbing the yellow solar radiation from the Kryptonians to leave them powerless. This, while a stretch of her powers (she never had such control, her solar energy absorption is usually just passive), it's not absurd like what he does with Black Lightning's powers.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. No less.
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Best Art Dissection:

Not as comfortable a win (37% of the votes):

A04-"IN-TER-NA-TIO-NAL." (The Dissector #141, 11/27/09)

COMMENT: The level of ignorance involved in this dissection is simply disheartening.

TITLE: War Machine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Wellinton Alves (penciller).

DISSECTION: This is even worse, because if you want to justify the previous dissection, you can always claim "things are different in the Marvel Universe!". In this case, however, there is no excuse. Jim Rhodes stands before a single judge (something that never happens in the ICC as far as I was able to ascertain) in an ICC courtroom (that looks nothing like the real ones)... and there's a US flag to the side of the judge and a US seal behind her.

Why? Why the hell would you do that Alves? INTERNATIONAL. CRIMINAL. COURT. INTERNATIONAL!!!

INTER-FUCKING-NATIONAL!!!

I can understand an American, with the (no offense meant to my American readers) general sense of being the center of the world US citizens have, starting with the fact that they call themselves "Americans", as if they were the only residents of the American continent. But a Brazilian artist? Please Wellinton, use the internet, do some research... Typing three worlds and clicking on three links I found this 360º photographic virtual tour of one of the ICC. And even if you didn't HAVE an internet connection, why in the name of Khan Noonien Singh would you think of putting US symbols in the INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL COURT??!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Of course, there are eye color mistakes and other stuff.
<-------------------------------->
Best Coloring Dissection:

There wasn't a lot going on in this category:

C04-"DISSECTION MACHINE!" (The Dissector #138, 11/06/09)

COMMENT: The problem here was that the woman is James Rhodes' mother; and she's a black woman... not in the picture.

TITLE: War Machine V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Jay David Ramos & Michael Bartolo (colorists).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one is very simple:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Also, Norman's eyes. And please, bring Leonardo Manco back to this book...
<-------------------------------->
Best Lettering Dissection:

Another majority (50%):

L04-"RŒD TORNADŒ" (The Dissector #132, 09/14/09)

COMMENT: Just sloppy.

TITLE: Red Tornado V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 6.

CULPRIT: Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: Okay, this book is only slightly less exciting than the Magog book; but at least it's a mini. The Magog book can only be explained by Keith Giffen wanting to write him and DC letting him... What's the dissection here? Well, Penciller José Luís is credited with an accent in his last name on the cover (while other books have credited without it; the Brazilian spelling has an accent while the Spanish spelling doesn't, and I don't know if he's Brazilian or Hispanic). I can't really confirm a dissection there, and I'm inclined to believe he's Brazilian or even Portuguese...

However, look at what Sal Cipriano did inside of the book:


Man... that's not only wrong, it's not even POSSIBLE. You can't have a dot on the "i" AND an accent. If it wasn't for Simon Bowland's sheer volume of work...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Best Other Dissection:

This category was kind of slow, too:

O03-"EXAGGERATION, MUCH?" (The Dissector #142, 12/04/09)

COMMENT: Just an example of not paying attention.

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Christos N. Gage (writer) and/or Rachel Pinnelas (assistant editor) & Bill Roseman (editor).

DISSECTION: The intro blurb says "... after Stamford, Connecticut was destroyed..."; but Stamford was not destroyed, a school and surrounding houses in Stamford were destroyed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Best Quote Of The Year:

Another evenly voted category, and this quote won over the Tarot and KODT ones by a vote. It was just too good, even though I voted for the Atomic Robo quote:

Q06-"We are your gods! And not docile Morgan Freeman God, we're talking full-force, 110% Jack Kirby Gods! With armor and Omega Beams and chess pieces made to look like my enemies!" Wannabe warlocks at a convention, Angel #27. (The Dissector #143, 12/12/09)
<-------------------------------->
Best Moment Of The Year:

This was just too creepy and shocking:

M02-From Blackest Night #1: This was a very shocking, and creepy moment. (The Dissector #125, 07/29/09)

<-------------------------------->
Best Cover Of The Year:

By a small margin (the Flash: Rebirth cover was the runner-up, and I voted for that one), Blackest Night does it again:

T04-The below cover for Green Lantern Corps V2 #41 was way too creepy to not be the Cover Of The Week. Patrick Gleason's pencils capture the mandatory spookiness of an undead child; who's at the same time very smug (that smug lil' bastard face makes me think of my son's; who's smarter than most people and knows it). The inks are by Rebecca Buchman; and the colors by Randy Mayor and/or Gabe ElTaeb. (The Dissector #136, 10/23/09)

<-------------------------------->
Now, for the special awards, those based solely on numbers, or on "special" merit.
<-------------------------------->
Company With Most Dissections: This time around, it was Marvel (653 dissections), by less than 30 dissections more than DC (629). Very far in quantity was Dynamite (271), but if you consider the amount of Dynamite books I read (Zorro; The Boys, Buck Rogers, and a couple more) and compare them to the dozens of Marvel and DC books I read; then the comparative percentage is much higher. In fact, let me calculate that...

Let's see... In 2009 I read 121 Marvel books (titles, not issues), 100 DC books, and 7, read it, seven, Dynamite books. That makes Marvel a 5.4 ratio, DC a 6.3 ratio, and Dynamite a 38.7 ratio. So Marvel wins the "Company With Most Dissections" award, and Dynamite wins...
<-------------------------------->
Company With Most Dissections Per Titles Ratio: Of course, with a dissection ratio six or seven times higher than the big two, Dynamite won an award I just came up with. Zorro is your undoing, Dynamite. Oh, and in case you are wondering, Studio Robota, the parent company for The Dissector got fourth place in amount of dissections, with 81 hits; that is, an 8.1 ratio.
<-------------------------------->
Book With Most Dissections: Second year in a row, Zorro (Dynamite) with 209 dissections (120 more than last year). Runner-ups were The Dissector (Studio Robota) with 81, The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (Dynamite) with 68 (in only a handful of issues), and of course, X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel) closely behind with 63.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected Writer: Matt Wagner wins this again for Zorro (with some Madame Xanadu hits) with 95 dissections (32 more than last year), with myself, MaGnUs (The Dissector) with 81, Chuck Dixon (The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly; GI Joe) with 80, and Chris Claremont (X-Men Forever, GeNext), with only 15 (strange, right?).
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected Artist: Ivan Reis (Blackest Night) with 35 (mostly getting Hal Jordan's badge wrong), second place goes, as last year, to Freddie Williams II (Final Crisis Aftermath: Run, JSA All-Stars) with 34, third to Mauro Cascioli (JL: Cry For Justice) with 31 (mostly Hal badges too), and fourth Sean Galloway (Wednesday Comics, Teen Titans story) with 25.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected Colorist: Dave McCaig (Wednesday Comics, Final Crisis: Rogues Revenge, others) with 15, second place to our friend Jeromy Cox (X-Factor, Amazing Spider-Man) with 14, and third place for Pete Pantazis (Trinity, JLA) with 12. No repeats from last year.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected Letterer: Once again, Simon Bowland (Zorro, and others) with 170 dissections (more than three times his count from last year), with second place going to Tom Orzechowski (X-Men Forever, others) with 27, and third to prolific Joe Caramagna (a gazillion books) with 18.
<-------------------------------->
Most Dissected "Other": Old "friend" of the column Anthony Flamini (Marvel handbooks) with 12, second place shared by editors Lauren Sankovitch (Doctor Voodoo and others) and Stephen Wacker (Spider books) with 5, and third place for Tom Brennan (Spider books) with 3.
<-------------------------------->
Single Issue With Most Dissections: Zorro #15 (IDW), with 36 dissections. With this, Zorro and IDW also share the "Golden Bonesaw Award" for catastrophic underachievement.
<-------------------------------->
Cyclone Fashion Award To The Most Mutable Costume: Actually, it goes to Norman Osborn's eyes, for changing contacts all the time (basically EVERY Marvel book).
<-------------------------------->
May Cervantes Smite You By Strangling You With His Moustache Award: All the bloody accented letters, Ñs, cedilles, etc, that letterers keep making smaller than the rest of the letters in the word.
<-------------------------------->
Most Annoying Book That Is Still Good To Read Award: Zorro, because as I always say, it's still a great book... if I can hear myself think over the sound of my teeth gritting.
<-------------------------------->
Creator That I'm Sorry I Have To Dissect Award: Shared by colorist Christina "CeeCee" Strain and letterer (and now writer) Joe Caramagna, for being so awesome that it hurts to dissect them when they slip up. They don't screw up, like Jeromy Cox or Matt Wagner, they slip up.
<-------------------------------->
Coal-Fueled Diesel Trainwreck Issue Award: Legion Of Super-Heroes #50 *draws breath* IT FUCKING SUCKED! DC Comics cancels the book, fucks up Jim Shooter's storyline (by ending the storyline in a hurry, getting an editor to wreck it), and releases a book with a creative team that doesn't match what was promised. "Justin Thyme" writes the book, possibly because Shooter wanted nothing to do with this travesty, and Francis Manapul is pulled out of the project to work on something else, turning the art chores over Ramon Bachs, who ought to have his hands chopped off... or perhaps, it's already happened, the way he draws...

Not only do his characters look hideous, but they also change designs inside the same issue. Actually, I've seen stuff by him before, and it wasn't bad... so this means that he either drew this issue in 15 minutes, while drunk; or that he paid his ten year old nephew to draw it for him. How does DC top this? By saying goodbye with a "We greatly appreciate the support of our loyal readers!" Yeah, that's why you fucked them over with this comic. Thanks!
<-------------------------------->
Bloody Stumps With Blunt Crayolas Award: Shared by Javier Aranda (Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts), and Ramon Bachs (Legion Of Super-Heroes).

Javier brought us these pearls:

(...) Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts #1 (...) the art by Javier Aranda is simply atrocious. Look below, and even overlooking the large amount of errors (later in the column), I cannot help wondering why, with all the good, and even mediocre artists that probably charge cheap, must art chores be given to people with blunt crayons tied to bloody stumps?


See what I mean? What the hell is wrong with Troi's hair? Why does Picard's head keep changing shapes? Why does Beverly Crusher look like a crash test dummy with a wig? Why do people in general look like characters from a crappy fan comic? *sigh*

Also, I just noticed while searching for Aranda's crap, that back in The Dissector #87 (09/16/08), he did this:


That's the ugliest Superman I've seen in a while...

Ramon Bachs, on the other hand, did that Legion issue from the previous award, and one of the art dissections nominees (the Gazelle one).
<-------------------------------->
Worst Character Depiction Although You Obviously Have Talent Award: Steven Sanders (S.W.O.R.D.), for doing this to Beast:


Uhm... WHAT??!?!?!? He looks like one of the multiple versions of Star Wars' Bothans.
<-------------------------------->
Breakout Book Of The Year: Spin Angels (Marvel/Soleil). Wish I'd thought of this category before... ah well, retroactive award for 2007 is for Atomic Robo, and I'll get back to you on 2008.
<-------------------------------->
Best Character Of The Year: Spider-Man. The Spidey Brain Trust (as the weekly book's writer team calls itself) has managed to make an engaging comic book, while never writing Peter out of character. They remember he's basically a genius, they remember his self-doubt, and his jokes are still bad, but funny.
<-------------------------------->
Worst Character Of The Year: Magog. Horrible legacy from the nineties, go away!
<-------------------------------->
Best Event Of The Year: Blackest Night. Well handled, cool visuals, and you don't have to read every single book tie-in to follow it. I particularly liked the fact that "Green Lantern light + Other Color Lantern light" is not the only way to stop the Black Lanterns, allowing writers to get creative (despite a couple of screw ups).
<-------------------------------->
Worst Event Of The Year: Necrosha. Unnecessary, bland, and came out around the same time as Blackest Night, making it look as a copy (even though I'm sure it wasn't).
<-------------------------------->
Best Publisher Of The Year: Hands down, DC Comics, with Blackest Night and tons of Legion goodness.
<-------------------------------->
Worst Publisher Of The Year: Sadly, Dynamite Comics, despite their many good books (Zorro, Boys, etc). Their insensitivity to Spanish readers and utter inability to have their editors correct Matt Wagner on the atrocities he commits on Zorro drove me to write them a complaint, and I'm sure I'm not the only Spanish speaker who has... yet they've done nothing.
<-------------------------------->
Funniest Book Of The Year: Shared by Comic Book Comics (Evil Twin) for its sheer hilariousness, and Power Girl V2 (DC) for combining fun with great action and sexy, yet not sexist art.
<-------------------------------->
Best Creator Of The Year: Geoff Johns, for his Green Lantern, Flash, and Legion stuff.
<-------------------------------->
Worst Creator Of The Year: Javier Aranda. How do editors hire you?
<-------------------------------->
Worst Book Of The Year: Final Crisis Aftermath: Escape. Hulk V3 actually had one more count as Worst Book Of The Week, but Hulk's sin is being bland and unoriginal. Escape was not only unnecessary (as all the Aftermath minis), a bad The Prisoner rip off, and had hideous art.
<-------------------------------->
Best Book Of The Year: Amazing Spider-Man V1 (Marvel), Best Book Of The Week twelve weeks in the year (being a weekly book), and a consistently good read.
<-------------------------------->
That's it for this year; I'll be on the outlook for more nominees, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #152.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Despite all appearances, I think Captain Rogers is trying very hard NOT to die." Admiral Dickins, about Buck Rockers' daredevil stunts, Buck Rogers #9.

"Ionic air propulsion. Electrostatic levitation. Electrogravitics. The Biefeld-Brown Effect and electro-fluid dynamics. Nothing here is invented. It simply appears to be uchronic, counterfactual, sitting in the break of a time out of joint. Everything I tell you is true. It's everyone else who's been lying to you. I am Captain Swing." Captain Swing, London, 1830, Captain Swing And The Electrical Pirates Of Cindery Island #1.

Welcome to the column for books released on 02/24, ending the month of February. Two quotes? Hell yeah, I wanted it to It's not exactly steampunk, more like electricpunk, since there's no actual steam involved, but Warren Ellis has done it again, and he brings Raúlo Cáceres, who already dazzled me in Crécy, as well as his variant covers for other Avatar books. Now, while Doktor Sleepless fizzled and is not as fun as it was originally (and when was the last time it was released?), but this book is only a four issues mini, so no dangers of that. It didn't make book of the week, but it almost did. The quote, in particular, is another incidence of Mage: The Ascension references in comics I've mentioned before, some of them by Ellis himself. And the Buck Rogers quote was just fun!

Still a few days to vote on the Autopsy Awards 2009, no idea when I'll get around to posting the winners, but until I do, your votes still count. Last column's DT! was guessed jointly by JohnnyDoe and Emerre. Emerre said that the bullet held up by Dick is not deformed, as if it never hit a target, and JohnnyDoe added that it looks unfired (with the casing and all). The artist was even kind enough to draw a rectangle around the dissection! :)

Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was, and I'm easy to please sometimes, Superman #697. Plain and simple, the Legion Of Super-Heroes in action, and the return of my favorite legionnaire. See the Moments.. for more on that. The Worst Book Of The Week was Teen Titans #80, boring story, confusing dialogue, plain art. That simple.

The Rundown! The Amazing Spider-Man (accented letter), Black Lantern Green Arrow (Hal badge is wrong on the cover and inside the book, Barry's eyes are covered by his mask, and Connor's mother's eyes are blank in a flashback), Blackest Night (the badges for Hal, Kyle, Kilowog and Guy are wrong, and Ganthet's badge changes between panels), Blackest Night: JSA (Alan Scott's emblem is wrong, as well as Atom Smasher's... which looks more like a flower than anything else), God Complex (Raiders Of The Lost "Arc"?), Gotham City Sirens (Riddler's hair is wrong), Justice Society Of America (Alan's emblem is wrong, and Jay's hair is colored incorrectly), Madame Xanadu ("Caeser" was the leader of Rome?), Nation X (character heights are wrong, and eye colors too), Secret Warriors (Nick Fury's eyes are wrong), Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ghosts (Riker's eyes are colored brown instead of blue... and blue for a panel; and a crewmember is missing his rank insignia), Teen Titans V3 ("totake" instead of "to take"), The Marvels Project (Namor's ankle wings are huge), The Flash: Rebirth (Jay's emblem and Hal's badge are wrong), Thor V1 (Volstagg's eyes, which should be blue, are colored green first, then brown), Wizard Magazine ("forward" instead of "foreword", "oseven" instead of "seven", and "speicals" instead of "specials"), Wonder Woman V3 (Power Girl's shoulderpad cape clasp is missing on the cover, then inside the book the leather strap becomes a braided strap, then goes back to leather, gets too thick, and disappears for a panel), X-Force V3 (Selene's eyes). Dissections!
<-------------------------------->
"LOBE GLOBE."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 151.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: In the DT!, I wrote "Batman's globes" instead of "Batman's gloves".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"AUNT MAY, TAKE YOUR MEDS."

TITLE: Spider-Man: The Clone Saga (Marvel).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: Tom De Falco (writer).

DISSECTION: When little May Parker (MJ and Peter's daughter) is kidnapped, Aunt May posits that it can't be for ransom, since Peter and MJ can't pay a lot of money. Right, it's not like MJ has been a famous actress and model.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Aunt May might be senile. Also, the Scarlet Spider's hoodie is colored incorrectly on the cover, as well as Harry and Norman Osborn's eyes.
<-------------------------------->
"BEAR MOUNTAIN."

TITLE: Thunderbolts (Marvel).

ISSUE: 141.

CULPRIT: Jeff Parker (writer).

DISSECTION: Grizzly, the newest member of the Thunderbolts, is called "Marko" by Paladin; but Grizzly's real name is Maxwell Markham. "Marko" would be Michael Marko, aka Man Mountain Marko, who Jeff Parker has also used in his Agents Of Atlas book, as an ATF agent sent by Norman Osborn after the Atlas Foundation.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, on the roster at the beginning of the book, Headsman's there when he was shot last week, and Grizzly's missing, when he's been on the team for a few issues now.
<-------------------------------->
"COX SUCKER."

TITLE: X-Factor V3 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 202.

CULPRIT: Jeromy Cox (colorist).

DISSECTION: Attention, rant coming...

Jeromy Cox: Monet St. Croix has brown eyes, not blue or green; Namor's should be grey, not whatever weird color you gave him; Layla Miller's eyes are green, not blue; Reed Richards has brown eyes, not blue ones; and Ben Grimm, usually called "Ever Lovin' Blue Eyed Thing"... yes, you guessed it, has BLUE EYES, NOT BROWN ONES!!!! ALSO, YOU MIGHT WANT TO AVOID COLORING LAYLA LIKE SHE'S MONET, SKIN, HAIR AND COSTUME!!!

Your job is to color these books, and I know it can be a hard, detailed job. But can you at least work with character references in front of you, FOR RAINBOW RAIDER'S SAKE?!?!?!?!

DISSECT-O-METER: I'm fucking giving 9 Bazzars to each of these, just because of Jeromy's complete inability to color ONE CHARACTER RIGHT. Also, the word "monologuing" is spelled "monologing".
<-------------------------------->
"FOREVER DISSECTION."

TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: Surprisingly, the only two dissections in this issue were a character having blank eyes, and this one:


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
This column ended up with a 6.5 Bazzars in fifty four dissections. I thought it'd be higher. Now, Cover Of The Week comes from Captain Swing:


Nice shot of Captain Swing's ship, and a good cover design to look like a Victorian catalogue. Now, Moments Of The Week, first up, QUISLET RETURNS!!!


WHOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOY!!!! Yeah, my favorite legionnaire is back, HELL YEAH!!! And now, guess which member of the Flash family is not happy about the whole Barry return thing?


Yep, Jai. He's apparently lost his powers, and that face tells me we might that someday in the future, we might have a Rogue who's actually related to the Flashes... Then, more Legion goodness!!


Chameleon's facial expression is downright Kevinmaguiresque, don't you think? Still in DC, artist Cameron Stewart reminds us that Damian Wayne is not completely Caucasian:


Good work, Mr. Stewart. And finally, part of a Wizard article on Kick-Ass


Wow, it's a good thing Vaughn is DRAWING INSPIRATION FROM THE COMIC HE'S BASING HIS MOVIE ON!!! In the immortal words of Chris Rock "You're supposed to, you dumb motherfucker!" That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Creator sighting!

Doomwar writer Jonathan Maberry posted on Facebook about the first issue of the book being Book Of The Week: "Glad you enjoyed it, man. I've having a hell of a lot of devious fun writing it. And Scot Eaton is kicking ass with the artwork." Also on the topic of Doomwar #1, alternate cover artist Jelena Djurdjevic clicked on "like" when I told her her cover for the issue was Cover Of The Week.

Thanks, Jonathan and Jelena!

The Dissector #151.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I leave a lot behind, but never the whisky." John Constantine, Hellblazer #264.

Welcome to this column for comics released on 02/17, which is late, I know. The DT! for this week will have a deadline for next week's column, since we have another column coming out tomorrow. What about last week's DT!? Well, as usual, Lt. Cmdr. JohnnyDoe noticed that Superboy says he's whistling a note so high that not even Wonder Girl should be able to hear. She doesn't have super hearing, and while my friend Kal reminded me that Wonder Woman has enhanced senses, not only I don't think she has supersonic hearing, I don't think Cassie has the same powers. Kal then pointed out that Cassie might have potential higher power levels than Diana, as she is the daughter of Zeus; but still, while she might have the potential for those powers, she hasn't shown them at all.

Let's get on with The Dissector's Picks Of The Week, shall we? Best Book Of The Week was Doomwar #1. While Jonathan Maberry's Black Panther is not excellent, it's readable... but Doomwar? WHAM! Good art, great pacing and story. Just go read it, and you'll guess what I've chosen for Moment Of The Week from that book. Worst Book Of The Week? Outsiders #27. The art's not bad, but the story is b.o.r.i.n.g., I tell you. BTW, there's still time to vote on the 2009 Autopsy Awards, basically because I haven't gotten around to writing up the winners, so your vote can still count.

The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man (MJ's eyes are colored wrong), Avengers: The Initiative (Tigra's eyes are colored wrong, then change to their normal color), Avengers Vs. Atlas (Tony Stark's eyes are wrong), Batman: Streets Of Gotham (Batman's gloves are wrong), Black Widow: Deadly Origin (Natasha's eyes are wrong in some parts of the story), Black Widow And The Marvel Girls (Storm has never been a "refugee"), Captain America V1 (accented letters), Doomwar (Ororo and Logan have their eyes colored wrong, Wakandans are holding protest signs in English... AND IT'S WAKANDAN, NOT "WAKANDIAN"), Green Lantern V4 (Hal's badge), Green Lantern Corps V2 (Kilowog's badge, and "Lanterns Light" instead of "Lanterns' Light" in the multiple oath), The Incredible Hulk V1 (Banner's eyes are wrong), Psylocke (wrong eye colors for Matsu'o and Psylocke), Web Of Spider-Man V2 (Man Mountain Marko should have blue eyes, and Ben Reilly's eyes start off green, then change to his normal brown). Dissections now!
<-------------------------------->
"BATDANCE!"

TITLE: Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 696.

CULPRIT: Tony S. Daniel (penciller).

DISSECTION: Look at this, let's start with the DT!, what do you see wrong here?


DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Batman's globes are wrong, and Robin's emblem is incorrect, as well.
<-------------------------------->
"COMMODORE ROBERT APRIL'S FOOL."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 147.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I wrote "Star Trek: Deep Space: Nine Fool's Gold" instead of "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Fool's Gold". Of course, I noticed this while looking at my previous DS9: FG dissections, while writing up the ones in this column.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SO HOW THIS MAKES HAPPEN?"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 148.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: A few mistakes in that column: "So, how is a Norseman in the know this 600 years"; "This kind of illiterate moron spells like that"; and I left a couple of the ratings with the comics in The Rundown.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars each, just to be though on myself.
<-------------------------------->
"RORSCHBAT."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 42.

CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller).

DISSECTION: Batman's chest emblem is wrong when the comic starts, and then changes... into another wrong version.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Batman's belt is also wrong, as well as Hal Jordan's badge, and Ray Palmer's eyes. What's odd is that Hal's badge is wrong on the cover, but almost right (enough to pass as right) inside the book, and both cover and interior art are credited to Mark Bagley.
<-------------------------------->
"COMMANDER OF FIXING STUFF."

TITLE: Star Trek: Deep Space: Nine Fool's Gold (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: David Messina (alternate cover artist).

DISSECTION: Messina gives Chief O'Brien the rank insignia of a Commander, when he's a Chief Petty Officer, and no matter how messed up O'Brien's rank insignia history has been, this is a hell of a mistake.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Oddly enough, I just realized that while the book is identified with its full name in the legal indicia, solicitations, and websites, but on the actual book covers it's only "Star Trek" large on one line, and "Deep Space Nine" smaller below it. Odd, isn't it? They're not doing that with ST: TNG: Ghosts, and I don't remember them doing it with previous TNG minis.
<-------------------------------->
"MOONLIGHTING."

TITLE: Star Trek: Deep Space: Nine Fool's Gold (IDW).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Fabio Mantovani & Davide Amici (colorists).

DISSECTION: I know DS9 is sometimes shorthanded, but why is there a blue-uniformed science or medical Starfleet crewmember working security?

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
This column has a 6.9 Bazzars in a total of thirty four dissections. High, kinda. Now, let's get this over, first we've got the Cover Of The Week, Doomwar #1, by Jelena Djurdjevic.


Great piece in this series of celebration of Marvel’s 70th anniversary, nice to see 80s Storm in a modern light. Now, Moments Of The Week, first up, hiring process in Tesladyne:


Remain Calm, Trust In Science. Of course, the other applicant got killed by the vampires. Next, more Doomwar:


You. Do. Not. Fuck. With. The. Wakandan. Royal. Family. Also, you don't mess with Spidey's home:


Badass. I think NYC is as much as part of Spider-Man as Gotham is part of Batman. And last, in every Earth, he's an addict:


Selling everything for bubblegum? Speedy, you've got a problem. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!