DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
"Look at them, Glory... 129 new taxpayers all. Officially. Every new citizen is like a tiny Monopoly man with an accent." Hizzoner J. Jonah Jameson, Mayor Of New York, during a US citizen naturalization ceremony, The Amazing Spider-Man #625.
Welcome to the column for comics released on 03/10. Sadly, the DT! from last week wasn't cracked, so I'll have to tell you. The problem with that panel was that Patriot and Black Marvel are lifting what looks to be a
Now, The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was The Amazing Spider-Man #625; with good art by Max Fiumara and a touching story by Joe Kelly. What happens is what we all knew would happen, but at least I hoped it wouldn't: the original Rhino's wife is killed by the newcomer, and that leads him to become the Rhino again and blame Spider-Man for all his woes... Worst Book Of The Week was the X-23 one-shot, unappealing art, and an unnecessary and convoluted story.
The Rundown: The Amazing Spider-Man V1 (eye colors wrong, including some that change between pages, one name incorrect), American Vampire (ñ and accented letter), Avengers Vs. Atlas (Pym's eyes are not green, and he's not a physicist), Batman (Batman's gloves and chest/belt emblems are wrong, with the chest emblem even changing between pages), Dark Avengers (Norman's eyes), Doctor Who (the Doctor's sonic screwdriver is wrong on the cover), Green Arrow V4 (Ollie's wearing the costume from Smallville on the cover), Green Lantern Corps V2 (assorted badges and rings are wrong), Hulk V3 (Banner's eyes are colored wrong; as are Cyclop's boots), The Incredible Hulk V1 (Banner's eyes), Nation X (for some reason, Wolverine has brown hair and eyes, and Magneto's boots and gauntlets look like they did in the 60s), Nova V4 (accented letter), Siege (Norman's eyes), Spider-Man & The Secret Wars (eye color wrong on Doom and Reed), Spider-Woman V4 (Spider-Man's chest emblem is missing for a page), Supergirl V6 (Matter-Eater Lad's hair is wrong, as are Projectra's gloves; and someone's got blank eyes), Superman 80-Page Giant V2 (Green Arrow's costume is wrong, and why do Clark and Lois have separate single beds?), Titans V2 (Speedy's hat is wrong), X-23 V2 (Jubilee and X-23 get their eyes colored incorrectly), X-Factor Forever (Archangel's eyes are missing, Trish Tilby's eyes should be blue, Master "Meld", and Gammenon The "Gather"), X-Men: Legacy (accented letters). And, of course, your dissections:
"ALL OF YOUR BASES BELONG TO US."
TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).
CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).
DISSECTION: When I meant to say "there are advanced cybernetics technology in the DCU", I missed the word "are". Thanks to Donald313 for spotting that, and badge for him.
DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
TITLE: Doomwar (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01 of 06.
CULPRIT: Jonathan Maberry (writer).
DISSECTION: Wakanda, a landlocked country (although it borders with Azania and Kenya through Lake Turkana, formerly Lake Rudolf), is said by the Dora Milaje to have a navy 30,000 strong... What? Numbers, numbers... navies from landlocked countries include the Azerbaijani Navy (2,200 strong), and the Bolivian Naval Force (5,000). Then there's other, more famous navies like the French Navy (with 42,866 soldiers and 7,200 civilians), or the Royal Navy of the UK (42,600 active personnel and 38,510 reserve personnel). Or if you want smaller, or poorer countries, you've got the 42,000 strong Royal Moroccan Navy Force... but Morocco has a large coastline.
Why would Wakanda, a landlocked country which is one of the most advanced (if not the most) country in the planet, and only a tiny lake to sail have a navy almost the same size as the French navy? Lake Turkana (sometimes called the Jade Sea) has little more than a tenth of the surface of Lake Michigan (6,000 square km against 58,000), a little less than half of its average depth (30 meters against 85), and about a third of its maximum depth (109 meters against 281). Yes, some landlocked countries keep part of their navies stationed in ports belonging to other countries; but that doesn't make much sense for Wakanda, a traditionally isolationist nation.
If you want to exaggerate, give them a 5,000 strong navy (like my country's) and arm them with the advanced technology all Wakandan troops have. Thirty thousand is just a random number Maberry pulled out of his head.
DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. I wanted to give it a higher rating, but it doesn't really affect the story or go against anything already established in continuity... just against common sense. Also, Doom and Nightcrawler have their eyes colored incorrectly. Oh, and I just noticed that colorist Jean-François Beaulieu has his name spelled incorrectly as "Jean-Francois".
TITLE: Green Hornet: Year One (Dynamite).
CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).
DISSECTION: Oh my... a Dynamite book written by Wagner, lettered by Bowland, and one that includes a character who is not American. Of course it's riddled with mistakes, but not on a Zorro level. I'll list them, anyway:
French: Poorly constructed French dialogue, including "francais" instead of "français", accented letters.
English: "Comprehesion", "compostition", and "emporer".
Japanese (Romanized): "Saumrai".
For fuck's sake, Wagner, you're a good writer, what's this all about?!?!
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each. The art is pretty good, but this doesn't stop penciller Campbell from drawing a mysteriously floating duffel bag resting on Britt's shoulder.
"HERCULES: DISSECTION OF AN AVENGER."
TITLE: Hercules: Fall of an Avenger (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01 of 02.
CULPRIT: Ariel Olivetti (artist).
DISSECTION: Apart from numerous coloring errors (including giving Amadeus Cho blue eyes), there's this:
Spot it, so commands Zeus!
DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. You know what, it's actually a double one, in addition to what you need to spot, Hercules' costume is wrong.
"SMELL LIKE IRON."
TITLE: L.A. Times Online (or possibly, Diesel).
DISSECTION: It seems that Diesel has launched an Iron Man 2 cologne, based on their "Only The Brave" fragrance. Do they want you to smell like engine oil and vodka?
You know what's funny? The article says the box has early Iron Man comics on it; but those panels are from the current Iron Man title, Invincible Iron Man, and Iron Patriot, Victoria Hand, the Black Widow, and Maria Hill.
Hopefully, the L.A. Times didn't actually have a picture of the box and they made a mock up of it; with the wrong comics. It'd be terrible if Diesel actually stuck Norman Osborn.
DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. I know I don't usually report stuff that's not on actual comics, with the exception of Wizard Magazine or my own blog... but this was too much to let it slide.
"TO STOP THEM! FAST!"
TITLE: The Torch (Marvel).
ISSUE: 01 of 08.
CULPRIT: Mike Carey (script).
DISSECTION: Ezequiel and Donald313 alerted me to some dissections in this book; a title I dropped after the first issue. Donald313 noticed some wrong German text that's incorrect; in one someone says "Aufhalten Sie! Schnell!". That´s like saying "To stop them! Fast!" It should be "Haltet sie auf!"
Ezequiel, on the other hand, noticed an accented letter that's smaller than it should be, and the Fantastic Four referred to as the "Cuatros Fantásticos", when it should be "Cuatro Fantásticos". I noticed some more dissections, since I took the time to read the issue. There's German text inside translation brackets, and there's another accented letter that's smaller than it should be... when three speech balloons before it's regular-sized. Finally, a character says "That's the Herr Doktor", which obviously has an extra "the".
DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars each. Badges for both HDSC members.
"DISCO DAZZLER ROGUE NIGHTCRAWLER PRETTY SAILOR PAINT ME NOW!"
TITLE: X-Men Forever V2 (Marvel).
CULPRIT: Graham Nolan (penciller) and Guillem Mari (colorist).
DISSECTION: Rogue has absorbed Nightcrawler's powers and physical features; leaving Nightcrawler looking human... and with Rogue's powers; which work on anyone but her. When Kurt touches Xavier, both of them are enveloped in a brilliant flash of yellow light, which Jean recognizes as "Rogue's power signature". Since when is Rogue's power signature a Dazzler show?!??!
DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. There are also several eye colors wrong.
A 6.4 Bazzars in eighty-four dissections, quite a number of dissections this week. Cover Of The Week stays within the same family, but this time it's by Marko Djurdjevic:
Simple, yet effective, reminiscent of a boxing or wrestling match poster. Now, Moments of The Week, full of Siege... but first, some Blackest Night:
Yeah, that's a Tholian web, and Guy Gardner is a trekkie! Then, old lovers share memories about Hercules:
Northstar? Well, Hercules was an ancient Greek hero... Then, Grant Morrison's acid dreams deliver:
Dwarven pirates in submarines!!! And after these entrées, the Siege main course:
With a beef of "Asgard shattered"...
... a dressing of "you're under arrest"...
... and a side of "you had that one coming". That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...