The Dissector #99.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"We're doing steampunk X-Men here. (...) J#### C#####, I'm turning into Alan Moore." Warren Ellis, Astonishing X-Men: Ghost Boxes #1.

If I'm not catching up, at least I'm trying. This is the column for dissections found in books released on 10/29; so, dig it (yes, I've been listening to Isaac Hayes). The Dissect This! was not uncovered by anyone, and it was the fact that Helo gives his rank as private. Private is a Marines Rank, not a Colonial Navy rank; he'd be an ensign in any case... or if he hasn't graduated yet (I think he has, by that issue), a cadet.

The Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Battlefields: The Night Witches #1; Garth Ennis gives us the start of another good fighter plane epic, this time around in WWII, and based on the Soviet Union's female fighter squadrons. Go read it. Worst Book Of The Week was, once again, Checkmate, this time issue #1. Please come back. Greg Rucka. Dissections, while I send good vibes to Greg so he returns to Checkmate:
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"GOGGLE.COM."

TITLE: Avengers: The Initiative (Marvel).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Steve Kurth (penciller).

DISSECTION: Gravity's goggles come and go.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"KRAUTPTAIN AMERRIKA."

TITLE: Captain America Theater of War: Operation Zero-Point (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Charles & Daniel Knauf (writers).

DISSECTION: Dominik checked the Krautsprach of this issue, and found six dissections, for example, this one: "Verdeckt die Ausgänge" is wrong, it’s one of those Babelfish translations of "Cover the exits". "Blockiert die Ausgänge" or "Versperrt die Ausgänge" is what they were going for.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Badge for Dominik, of course.
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"CHECK THIS DISSECTION OUT, MATE!"

TITLE: Checkmate V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 31.

CULPRIT: Bruce Jones (writer).

DISSECTION: Here, check this out:


DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"DECIDE WHAT GLOVES TO WEAR, OLLIE."

TITLE: DC Universe: Decisions (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: Howard Porter (penciller).

DISSECTION: One of Green Arrow's gloves appears and disappears.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"FIRST DISSECTION OF THE PHANTOM DISSECTOR (NOT)."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 84.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Instead of "War Is Hell: First Flight Of The Phantom Eagle", I called it "War Is Hell: First Flight Phantom Eagle".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"THIS IS DRIVING ME TO RAGE."

TITLE: Final Crisis: Rage Of The Red Lanterns (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Salaak again.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"TO-TEM. REPEAT AFTER ME. TO-TEM."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 26.

CULPRIT: Ed Benes (penciller).

DISSECTION: Yo, Ed! Quit worrying so much about asses and cleavage, and when a character (Vixen) depends on an object (Tantu Totem) to have powers, draw her wearing it. Now, at some points we can accept she's not wearing it because she's inside the totem itself... but she wears it in some pages, then she doesn't, then she does, then she doesn't...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"MAYBE HE MEANT TO WEAR JUST HIS TIGHTS?"

TITLE: Rann/Thanagar Holy War (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 08.

CULPRIT: Ron Lim (penciller) and/or John Kalisz (colorist).

DISSECTION: Animal Man's boots, as every issue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"OHNOES! ZOMG! THE SUPERNATURAL!!!"

TITLE: Superman & Batman Vs. Vampires & Werewolves (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 06.

CULPRIT: Kevin VanHook (writer).

DISSECTION: I'm sick and tired of writers having Batman (and now Nightwing too) claiming that it's strange to run into vampires and werewolves and other supernatural creatures. They do it every single day, both in their own books, and in team books.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"LOVE GLOVE."

TITLE: Superman V1 (DC).

ISSUE: 681.

CULPRIT: Renato Guedes (penciller).

DISSECTION: For the billionth time, John Stewart does not wear gloves.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"SHE'S A VENTRILOQUIST, MAYBE?"

TITLE: Ultimate Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: Annual 3.

CULPRIT: VC's Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Mysterio's police henchman has no arrow pointing to her from her speech ballon in one panel.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"ANOTHER ONE?"

TITLE: Ultimate Captain America Annual (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Starkings/Comicraft/Deschesne (letterers).

DISSECTION: King T'Chaka's speech balloon is pointing to M'Baku in one panel.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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Well then, we got an average of 6.2 Bazzars in seventeen dissections; good... or bad, I never know. Now, Moments Of The Week; first up we have a lolcat Red Lantern:


No, I did not make it myself, but it's funny. Second, the only thing worth a damn so far in Reign In Hell:


Fragtastic! And finally, Emma Frost is such a bitch:


Hehehehe. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #98.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"... Cat's fast asleep and one moment, as dry as the proverbial bone... but the next presto... the girl's soaking wet." Psylocke, New Exiles #13.

It's gonna be long until I catch up, since lately I haven't even been able to read my comic books. In any case, here we are with the column for books released on 10/22. The Dissector's Picks Of The Week will be our first stop; and the Best Book Of The Week was Secret Invasion 7; a good battle royale that furthers the plot. Worst Book Of The Week was Hulk #7; which is frankly boring.

Nobody spotted the DT!; which was the fact that Flash's boots were colored red, instead of yellow. Now, the dissections:
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"BART ADAMA SAYS: EAT MY SHORTS!"

TITLE: Battlestar Galactica (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Unknown.

DISSECTION: From my vault comes the September 2006 issue of Battlestar Galactica; which has a preview for the following issue... billed as "Barttlestar Galactica".

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars; it's not the first time they got the title of their own book wrong...
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"BATTLESTAR DISSECTICA!"

TITLE: Battlestar Galactica: Origins (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Seamus Kevin Fahey & Clay Carmouche (writers).

DISSECTION: Well, here's a nice Dissect This! for y'all Galactica fans. Just so you know, this happens before the show:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"IZZATWAP!"

TITLE: Blue Beetle V8 (DC).

ISSUE: 32.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: Traci Thirteen quotes Star Wars' Admiral Ackbar; but the balloon says "Akbar".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"WEEKS OF THE MOMENT."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 97.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Well, I fucked up with last column. Three, count 'em, three dissections; first I mixed up two pictures in the Moments Of The Week; DrSilent noticed it and he gets another badge. Then I noticed I switched around the culprit an issue number in an entry; and Snakebyte let me know that I had credited Gregg Hurwitz as "Greg" (which I also did in #93). Badge for him; he's only 4 badges away from making Vice Admiral (admiral of the vice?). There's another dissection I found in my column #90; but telling you would spoil a dissection for a future column (#100).

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars for the picture mess-up.
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"MIGHTY MORPHIN'..."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Jordan D. White (assistant editor), Michael Horwitz (assistant editor), and Mark Paniccia (editor).

DISSECTION: Morph.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"PSYCHOTIC POWERS."

TITLE: X-Factor V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 36.

CULPRIT: Peter David (writer).

DISSECTION: Longshot is said to have "telemetric powers"; the correct word is "psychometric"; from "psychometry"; aka "token object reading".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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This column ends up with a 5.3 Bazzars average in 10 dissections; quite low. Moments Of The Week, so we can finish this thing. First up, Pa Kent bought it!


Damn, and a friend spoiled it for me before I could read it... Then; Clint Barton cuts the crap and goes all Hawkeye on the Skrulls!


Aw yeah! And last; I tell you, Norman Osborn is the next Marvel 616 President of the USA:


Let's wait and see. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #97.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"I've been a thief. A goddess. An X-Man. And a queen. And yet, somehow, I always end up in a sewer under New York City." Storm, X-Men: Worlds Apart #01.

I know, I could have caught up, but I slacked. Blame it on a lot of work at my job... These are the dissections for comics published on the week of 10/15, which means we're almost caught up. There was no DT! last column, so the Dissector's Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Legion Of Three Worlds #2, which was just fan-tas-tic! Worst Book Of The Week was Casey Blue: Beyond Tomorrow #6; last issue of a pointless miniseries.

As a shameless plug, Diamond Previews is now carrying Teenagers From The Future, so don't forget to order it at your friendly local comic store; if you're interested.

Off you go then, the dissections are here:
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"PUNCT-WHAT?"

TITLE: Atomic Robo: Dogs Of War (Red 5 Comics).

ISSUE: 03 of 05.

CULPRIT: Jeff Powell (letterer).

DISSECTION: In the back-up story, a newspaper reads "Caribbean Cartel Massacre Mass Vigilantism or Gang War?", punctuation be damned!

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"TATTOO-VANISH CREAM!"

TITLE: Batman And The Outsiders V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: Ryan Benjamin (penciller).

DISSECTION: Again, Grace's midriff tattoos are missing!

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Also, Black Lightning is wearing a regular domino mask instead of his newfangled goggle ones.
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"THE ORIFICE."

TITLE: Booster Gold V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 13.

CULPRIT: Rick Remender (writer) and/or Sal Cipriano (letterer).

DISSECTION: The word "orifice" is spelled "orfice"... in a sentence about Booster rubbing or kissing Skeet's orifice if he had one... ew...

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"SPACINGISOVERRATED!"

TITLE: DC Special: Cyborg (DC).

ISSUE: 06 of 06.

CULPRIT: John J. Hill (letterer).

DISSECTION: One of the narrator boxes says "savedusing".

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"DECIDE WHAT TO DISSECT."

TITLE: DC Universe: Decisions (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 04.

CULPRIT: Alex Bleyaert (colorist).

DISSECTION: Beside the horrible art; what can you find wrong here:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"ISSUES, SHMISSUES!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota)

ISSUE: 96.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I screwed up, and Snakebyte spotted it. I incorrectly put the issue of an "X-Men V2" dissection as 02 of 02; when it was 192.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. I also labeled Big Hero 6 as a six-issue series, when it's five issues long; that was also brought to my attention by Snake; who gets two badges and reaches the rank of Commodore in the HDSC; again, being the first to reach a rank. Lucas Siegel also gets a badge, spotting a typo I made.
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"MIRROR MIRROR, TURN MY ACCENT UPSIDE DOWN."

TITLE: Final Crisis: Rogues' Revenge (DC).

ISSUE: Geoff Johns (writer)

CULPRIT: 03 of 03.

DISSECTION: Mirror Master's accent is all wrong again; he sounds like the Juggernaut instead of the Scottish accent he should have.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"HERE IN THE FLASH'S COMIC WE ALL SPEAK TOO FAST."

TITLE: The Flash V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 245.

CULPRIT: Swands, aka Steve Wands (letterer).

DISSECTION: Raven says "OtherTitans", with no space.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"WISH YOU WERE HEAR."

TITLE: The Phantom V7 (Moonstone).

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Mike Bullock (writer).

DISSECTION: Mike, the word "hear" is not a substitute for "here".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"COLINA DE CIPRESES."

TITLE: The Punisher V7 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 63.

CULPRIT: Greg Hurwitz (writer)

DISSECTION: Again, full of Spanish language dissections; the worst one being the fact that a small Mexican village has a cemetery that reads "CEMETERY" in English on the gates.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars. Other stuff not worth going into detail, as well.
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"Ñ-MEN."

TITLE: X-Men: Worlds Apart (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: VC's Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Raul Treviño, the colorist, has his Ñ lettered in the wrong size.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"ZORRO, MI COMPATRE!"

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 08.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: Not as many dissections as you'd think, just five. The one that hurt the most was using "grande amigo" for "great friend"; which should be "gran amigo". Come on Matt, stay away from Spanish, or get a consultant...

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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We end the dissections with a 6.0 Bazzar average in twenty-one entries; run of the mill. Now, the Moments Of The Week. First up, the Legion Of Three Worlds gets some green help:


Rond Vidar, last Green Lantern!!! Then, on another green note, we find out what Beast has been up to:


Way to go, Hank! Last, Cannonball screws up:


Kentucky; not the most racially correct place to grow up. That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!