The Dissector #90.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"She was like John Rambo meets Polly Pocket." Kick-Ass, about Hit-Girl, Kick-Ass #4.

Welcome to a new column; last one for the month of August; about comics released on 08/27. First of all, another badge for Dominik; he spotted the DT!, Vixen was indeed not wearing her Tantu Totem. Two more badges and you make Commander, Dominik.

In case you're wondering, here are The Dissector's Picks Of The Week; Best Book Of The Week was New Avengers #44; I like what Bendis is doing with his two Avengers books, giving us more insight into the build up of the Secret Invasion. Worst Book Of The Week was Teen Titans: Year One #6; what started as a possibly good mini evolved into a boring read.
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"PLEASE, HELP US, THE FLASH!"

TITLE: Blue Beetle V7 (DC).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Matthew Sturges (writer).

DISSECTION: Again la Dama is addressed as "La Dama". You don't call the Batman "The Batman" to his face, or at least you don't say "The Batman, we need to talk."

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"IT'S A KIND MGIC."

TITLE: Cisplatino Visiones (Apocalipta)

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: Unnamed letterer.

DISSECTION: First time we have a Uruguayan comic in this column! In one of the short stories ("Convergencia En Los Andes"; "Convergency In The Andes"); the word "mitológicamente" ("mythologically") is written "mitólogicmente".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"IT WAS COLD."

TITLE: DC Universe: Last Will And Testament (DC).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Adam Kubert (penciller).

DISSECTION: Wonder Girl's costume (Donna Troy's) in a flashback is shown as having sleeves, when it didn't.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Hal Jordan's costume shouldn't have the "trunks" any longer.
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"VOLUMES OF DISSECTION."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 89.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Snakebyte correctly points out that Punisher is V7, not V5. Badge for him, and he's only two badges away from Captain.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
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"HAS HE DISOWNED THEM?"

TITLE: Final Crisis: Rogues' Revenge (DC).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Geoff Johns (writer).

DISSECTION: Again, the West kids call Jay Garrick "Mr. Garrick", instead of "Uncle Jay".

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Also, Mirror Master's accent is wrong.
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"GROSSES RAO!"

TITLE: Final Crisis: Superman Beyond (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 02.

CULPRIT: Grant Morrison (writer) and/or Steve Wands (letterer).

DISSECTION: Overman says "Grosse Krypton", for "Great Krypton"; when it should be "Grosses". Thank you Dominik for the consultation.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"THE CAUSALITIES OF WAR."

TITLE: Guerrillas (Image).

ISSUE: 01 of 09.

CULPRIT: Brahm Revel (writer, in this case)

DISSECTION: The word "casualties" is written "causalties".

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars. Also, the word "coming" is written as "comig".
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"LIGHTNING FEET."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3 (DC).

ISSUE: 18.

CULPRIT: Dale Eaglesham (penciller).

DISSECTION: Well, I give up on Jay Garrick's chest emblem, that's it. He has two costumes, or whatever, and Eaglesham draws him in his team book; which, for lack of a solo book, is the character's main title. Now, I won't be retracting from previous dissections, and also, I won't the change in his boots. That's just a mistake (at least until I decide to give up on that too).

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, His eyes are colored brown, when they should be blue.
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"OH, GROW UP ALREADY!"

TITLE: The Legion of Super-Heroes V5 (DC).

ISSUE: 45.

CULPRIT: Jim Shooter (writer).

DISSECTION: Once more, Colossal Boy doesn't grow, he's a giant that shrinks.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"AT LEAST IT LOOKS LIKE THE LAST ISSUE..."

TITLE: Marvel Comics Presents V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 12.

CULPRIT: John Barber (editor) and/or Michael Horwitz (assistant editor).

DISSECTION: USAgent...

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"THEY JUST KEEP CLONING HIM AND TELLING HIM THE PREVIOUS GUY WAS A DIFFERENT ONE."

TITLE: The Mighty Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 17.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

DISSECTION: If the Skrull we see take Hank Pym's shape at the end of the book is not the first Pym they insert... then why is his Skrull name the same as the previous one's?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, it can be a title... but I doubt it.
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"NOT THE LAST ISSUE."

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Jordan D. White (assistant editor) & Mark Paniccia (editor).

DISSECTION: Sigh, Morph. But at least they admit something in the letter column.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"NON-BLUE GENES."

TITLE: New Warriors V4 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 15.

CULPRIT: Beth Sotelo (colorist).

DISSECTION: Again, Jubilee's eyes are brown instead of blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"RREVOLUTIONARRY WARRRIOR!"

TITLE: Pistolfist: Revolutionary Warrior (Bluewater Comics).

ISSUE: 02.

CULPRIT: J.S. Earls & David A. Flanary, Jr. (writers) and/or Kel Nuttall (letterer).

DISSECTION: It should be "tyranny", not "tyrrany"

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"SECRET SPIDEY DISSECTION."

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Spider-Man (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 03.

CULPRIT: Brian Reed (writer).

DISSECTION: Check this one out, tell me what you find wrong:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"THEY STOLE THE REAL PLAQUE AND SOLD IT ON EBAY."

TITLE: X-Men: Legacy (Marvel).

ISSUE: 215.

CULPRIT: Scot Eaton (penciller).

DISSECTION: Xavier examines the ruins of the latest iteration of the X-mansion; and he picks up a plaque that reads "Xavier Institute Of Higher Learning"... when the school was called "... For Higher Learning".

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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A low average of 5.4 Bazzars in twenty dissections; but it was to be expected. Here's the Moments Of The Week, short and sweet. First of all, M'rissey again shows why his name in the Legion should be Legal Lad:


I love this kid already! Then, a surprise:


Peter remembers some of his deal with Mephisto??!?! And for the finale, more Norman:


Mark my words, Norman Osborn will be the next president of the USA in Marvel's 616 universe.

That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #89.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Jason's problem is his insecurity-- he's the Jan Brady of the Bat-family. (and yes, I know that makes me Cindy)" Tim Drake, about Jason Todd, Robin V2 #177.

With that sense of humor, you can't ever be Batman, Timmy Drake.... Welcome to the column about comics released on 08/20, and I'd like to apologize to Snakebyte for forgetting to credit him last week for spotting the fact that I had written "July" instead of "August". Speaking of Snakebyte, he also got the DT! from last column immediately; the Xavier mansion looked nothing like it should. So that's two badges for him; three more and he makes Captain!

Now, as for The Dissector's Picks Of The Week. Best Book Of The Week was than geekgasmic first issue of Final Crisis: Legion Of Three Worlds; with a great plot by Geoff Johns, and good (if a little too classic for some people's tastes) art by George Perez. And it can only get better! Worst Book Of The Week was this August's installment of Rann/Thanagar Holy War, #4, it's just sleep-inducing.

Before moving on to the body of the column, I'd like to take a moment to apologize (partly, I also want to explain myself) to Christina Strain. If you're a reader of my column, you'll know that some time ago she corrected me about a character's eye colors, and I happily retracted. She took it well, and I was grateful for that; I know that sometimes it's hard to understand that I mean no offense and that The Dissector is an alter-ego, not the actual MaGnUs (or Martín A. Pérez, if you insist on legal names). However, last column I pointed out something regarding the same character and the same book, and this time it was an actual error, and unfortunately, Christina took offense at it. I partially quote from her post: "Aren't you the adorable nerd. (...) Thanks for being that guy. Cause really we need more of you in comics."

Whoa; Christina, I'm really sorry that you feel that way (although thanks for checking out my column); it's not my intention to insult you, in fact, I urge you to read the disclaimer linked at the top of each of my columns. Please allow me to reinforce two concepts from my disclaimer: 1) That I have absolute respect for the work creators and editors do (in fact, Runaways is one of my favorite books since it came out, and that's in part thanks to your work), and 2) That the column is written partially in character, and that it's not fair that I take full heat for what The Dissector says, the same way, say, Brian K. Vaughan can't be accused of human sacrifice just because The Pride did so in the original Runaways book. I know it's a bit harder to see in my case, since my column is written by a "semi-fictitious persona"; but again, I assure you that I hold nothing but appreciation, respect, and in many cases, admiration for the people who make the comics I read.

Then I found this post in her own blog, and I could get better insight as to how she feels. Again, that I'm sorry I made her feel that way; I'm not in this to offend creators, in fact, I like Strain's work A LOT. My column is not a review column; if I was to review a book of yours, the colors would get compliments, because I think you're one of the best colorists out there these days, or even the occasional constructive criticism... but that's not what The Dissector is.

On the other hand, Christina, if being mentioned in my column offends you, or bothers you, or whatnot, just say the word, and I won't ever mention any mistakes you made (or I think you made) again. EVER. Thanks for the work you do, the only reason I notice any mistakes you make (or I think you make), is because I'm paying attention to the colorist's work, because I care about all aspects of a comic. My apologies if I offended you, and thank you for reading.

And now, the meat and potatoes of this column, the dissections:
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"SPACE ODDITY."

TITLE: Anna Mercury (Avatar).

ISSUE: 03.

CULPRIT: Warren Ellis (writer).

DISSECTION: Dominik spotted this one; whenever Mercury speaks to her "ground control", she says "Mercury. Launchpad.", and then whatever her message is, when it should be the other way around; military (or related) radio communications are started by first stating who you are addressing and then who you are.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"YOU REALLY HAVEN'T GOT THE SLIGHTEST INK-LING OF WHO I AM, DO YOU?""

TITLE: Batman And The Outsiders V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 10.

CULPRIT: Ryan Benjamin (penciller).

DISSECTION: Grace is, once more, missing her midriff tattoos.

DISSECT-O-METER: 9 Bazzars.
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"IT'S CHLOE BERRY TIME!"

TITLE: Comic Book Comics (Evil Twin Comics).

ISSUE: 01.

CULPRIT: Fred Van Lente (writer) and/or unnamed letterer.

DISSECTION: This book actually came out earlier than August 20, but I just got my hands on it and the second issue. Great look at comics' history; in the same vein than Action Philosophers (from the same team). I found just one dissection; the first Blue Beetle utters "It's Guiliani time!"; spelling Rudolph Giuliani's last name incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"WONDERBREAD."

TITLE: DC Special: Cyborg (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 06.

CULPRIT: Mark Sable (writer) and/or John J. Hill (letterer).

DISSECTION: Again, "Wondergirl" instead of "Wonder Girl".

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"I WISH IT WOULD END SOONER."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 82.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I just noticed that in that column I said that Rann/Thanagar Holy War had four issues, when it's eight issues long.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
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"LEGION OF... FOUR WORLDS?"

TITLE: Final Crisis: Legion Of Three Worlds (DC).

ISSUE: 01 of 05.

CULPRIT: Hi-Fi (colorist).

DISSECTION: Brainiac 5's eyes are colored purple; when they should be green, as they have been in Pre-Zero Hour, Post-Zero Hour, and Threeboot. LSH cartoon Brainy has purple eyes.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars. Not only that, but he colors other eyes incorrectly, including one character (not a Durlan) who changes eye colors between panels. Also, Geoff Johns again decides not to list Superman's invulnerability as one of his powers.
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"EYE CAN'T SEE!"

TITLE: The Flash V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 243.

CULPRIT: Freddie E. Williams II (artist).

DISSECTION: For some reason Jai West's eyes disappear from his mask between panels. You either wear a mask that lets your eyes be seen, or you wear one that covers them.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars, they could be reflective lenses. Wait, no, his eyelashes come out of them, so no, not lenses. 5 Bazzars.
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"TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION!"

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Dwayne McDuffie (writer).

DISSECTION: After a battle with Amazo trashes the Hall Of Justice (located in Washington, DC), Batman mentions that there's lot of work to be done: "State and federal paperwork (...)" However, as Bats should know, the District of Columbia is not a part of any state, and therefore, cannot be subject to any kind of state paperwork whatsoever.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"DISSECT THIS LEAGUE."

TITLE: Justice League Of America V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Allan Goldman (penciller).

DISSECTION: Come on, this one's easy:


DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"IO SONO MEXICANO!"

TITLE: The Punisher V5 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 61.

CULPRIT: Gregg Hurwitz (writer) and/or VC's Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Gregg, the Mexican sweet bread is called "pan dulce", "dolce" is an Italian word.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Also, there's a few tilde and accented letter sizes issues, as in Zorro.
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"AROUND THE GALAXY WEARING SOCKS."

TITLE: Rann/Thanagar Holy War (DC).

ISSUE: 04 of 08.

CULPRIT: Ron Lim (penciller) and/or John Kalisz (colorist).

DISSECTION: Once more, Animal Man's not wearing his boots.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"SOMETHING ONE."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 51.

CULPRIT: Michael Green & Mike Johnson (writers).

DISSECTION: Alright, so it doesn't suck as much the previous issue, still, there's a couple of art dissections, and on top of that, the writers watched Independence Day and thinks that the Air Force One can be called "Eagle One". Nope. Any aircraft carrying the President Of The United States Of America (officially, I doubt an al-Qaeda plane that kidnaps him would qualify) immediately adopts the callsign "Air Force One".

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars.
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"I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T TALKING TO ME!"

TITLE: Universal War One (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Unnamed letterer.

DISSECTION: The Admiral is talking to his daughter, and one of his speech balloons is attached to her, which is funny because he actually says "and you're not talking to me" or something to that effect.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"I KNOW STUFF, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL GREEK MYTHOLOGY NAMES."

TITLE: X-Factor Special: Layla Miller (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Peter David (writer) and/or VC's Cory Petit (letterer).

DISSECTION: Cyclops is called "Cylcops" in one panel.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars. Also, the "ö" in Martin Niemöller's name is smaller than the rest of the letters.
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Well, this time around we have twenty-five dissections, with an average of 6.3 Bazzars... I thought it was going to be higher. Let's go with the Moments Of The Week, Black Canary versus Amazo sounds hopeless for her, doesn't it? Think again:


Sonic scream versus super hearing? Ouch! Then, another Black Canary moment:


Batman: pwnd! Still in the DC Universe, the high school I would have loved to attend:


Nerd paradise! Over to Marvel, and some decades into the future:


It's the Summers Rebellion, at last! Next, what Kirby did when he wasn't drawing in the 50s:


Hahahah... I can't help but laughing at those panels. Then, back to DC, and even further into the future, Lighting Lad tells the politicians off:


Well said, LL! And finally, still with the Legion, RJ Brande is killed and the three founding legionnaires can do nothing to prevent it. A dark mirror image of what brought them together in the first place:


Damn... That's it for now, until next time, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #88.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Zombie Vs Zombie!" Only one can survive! Though technically, NEITHER HAS! Swee, Everybody's Dead #4.

Well, here I am. Still trying to catch up; this is the column for comics released on 08/13, and we inch a bit closer to... well, comics are still coming out, so nothing. Last column's DT! was spotted by The Guvnor, and it was indeed the fact that Wolverine's eyes are supposed to be blue, not brown. The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? Short and simple, Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo: The Dogs Of War #1; WWII and Atomic Robo? YES! Worst book of the week was The Last Defenders #6; a boring end to a boring mini. Now, read them dissections:
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"I DON'T KNOW WHAT DATE IT IS ANYMORE!"

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 87.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: First things first! Or rather, in alphabetical order. I said last column that it was the first column for the month of July, when I of course meant August, since it was about comics published on 08/06.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, just to show you I'm not soft on myself.
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"ZOMBIE SPEECH IMPEDIMENT."

TITLE: Everybody's Dead (IDW Publishing).

ISSUE: 05 of 05.

CULPRIT: Brian Lynch (writer) and/or Chris Mowry (letterer).

DISSECTION: Great final issue, almost was Best Book Of The Week. For some reason, Zombie Mosby says "cu it ou" instead of "cut it out"; something not consistent with his zombie speech patterns.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"KEEPIN' IT CASUAL."

TITLE: Green Lantern Corps V2 (DC).

ISSUE: 27.

CULPRIT: Luke Ross (penciller).

DISSECTION: Soranik Natu is missing her GL emblem in a panel.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
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"WATCHIE THISIE!"

TITLE: Green Arrow/Black Canary (DC)

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Judd Winick (writer).

DISSECTION: Again, the Italian assassin shows he's not really Italian. He says "osservi" to mean "look"; but it actually means "looking".

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
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"HE'S A SKRULL!!!!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Inhumans (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Guru FX (colorist).

DISSECTION: Black Bolt's hair is colored light brown, instead of black as it should be.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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"ANOTHER SKRULL!!!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: Runaways/Young Avengers (Marvel).

ISSUE: 02 of 03.

CULPRIT: Christina Strain (colorist).

DISSECTION: CeeCee! After all the trouble you went through to tell us how Victor's eyes were green, you go and colored them brown?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars, and it's not higher because I know you just made honest-to-Galactus mistake here, or someone sabotaged your colors.
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"MORE SKRULLS!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion: X-Men (Marvel).

ISSUE: 01 of 04.

CULPRIT: Cary Nord (artist).

DISSECTION: Colossus in his unarmored form is drawn too big compared to other characters. Also, thanks to Dominik (who makes Lieutenant Commander in the HDSC), who checked the German in Nightcrawler's dialogues and found it wrong, in two counts, as I thought. I might not speak German, but I can sure be suspicious of writers...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"OHMAGAUZAEMOARSKRULLZ!!!"

TITLE: Secret Invasion (Marvel).

ISSUE: 05 of 08.

CULPRIT: Laura Martin & Emily Warren (colorists).

DISSECTION: Clint Barton's eyes are colored brown, when they should be (as with 99% of comic book characters) blue.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"HE'S WEARING MAKE-UP."

TITLE: Trinity (DC).

ISSUE: 11.

CULPRIT: Mark Bagley (penciller).

DISSECTION: Red Arrow is missing his tattoo on his right bicep, and the armband he usually has to conceal it. So actually, this is two dissections.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars for the tattoo.
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"DISSECTION ORIGINS."

TITLE: X-Men Origins: Jean Grey (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Mike Mayhew (artist).

DISSECTION: Spot me this one...


DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
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"COLOMBIA: LESS OF A COUNTRY THAN BARATARIA."

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: Apart from all the language dissections (Spanish, as well as English and French too!), there's an historical one. Yes, I know this is an alternate history, but still, some things are just mistakes. Jean Lafitte says he's a privateer certified by the state of Colombia. In the moment this story happens (young Diego de la Vega returns to California), there is no such thing as "the state of Colombia". Lafitte had a letter of marque from Cartagena de Indias; today a city part of Colombia, but in that time an independent state.

The name "Colombia" was coined by was conceived by the Francisco de Miranda as a reference to all the New World, especially to those territories under Spanish and Portuguese rule. The name was only adopted by what we know today as Colombia in 1819, when the Republic of Colombia was formed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Still, "yarr!" for pirates (because "yay" is not very pirate-y), since it was TLAPD recently. Happy Talk Like Pirate Day, mateys!
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"SORRO."

TITLE: Zorro (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 06.

CULPRIT: Matt Wagner (writer).

DISSECTION: There's seventeen language dissections in this issue; one in English, one in French, and the rest in Spanish. The worst one in Spanish (the rest are tildes and the like) is writing grandmother as "abulea" instead of "abuela".

Speaking of Zorro; while researching the previous dissection, I found out that Zorro Productions, Inc., thinks that it's Dynamic Forces that's making the comic, instead of Dynamite Entertainment. I've e-mailed both companies (Zorro and Dynamite), to let them know.

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
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Thirty-one dissections gives us an average of 6.7 Bazzars, figured it'd be around that. Now, the Moments Of The Week! First up, Booster might be the world's greatest hero, but he still can't help himself:


Heh! Then, robots in flip-flops and swimming trunks, who can resist!


I want those flip-flops... Next, a new joint opens in Oa:


It's Warriors, space edition! And last, Professor X is a creepy, dirty old man:


Remember when he would mope about his romantic feelings for Jean Grey, who not only was his student, but had also been his patient, and less than half his age? Yeah, ew. That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #87.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"Four hundred years have passed, and they're still a foul, ugly nation of drunks. Too stupid and inbred to see themselves as the narrow-minded plebs that they are." The demon Tuma'el about the English, Hellblazer Presents: Chas - The Knowledge #2.

Now, you'll forgive the somber note, but I didn't want to start this column without sending my prayers to Jim H. and his family. Jim, a former writer for ICS.net is in serious condition (formerly critical, so at least he's getting better) in the hospital, after being stabbed thirteen times by a lowlife. You can read the whole story here, but the short version is that Jim was at a club with his wife when they saw a guy get rough on a girl, so he jumped to her defense, driving the scumbag away. When they left the club some time later, he was ambushed by the guy and a friend; and while Jim could subdue the first bastard, the other one stabbed him numerous times. They're now in police custody and awaiting trial; I really hope Jim gets better.

Sorry about that bleak start, let me get on with column, but keep Jim in your prayers. I ask all Brits reading this column to forgive me, but the Quote Of The Week was just too good to pass up. Now, this is the first column for the month of July (dayamn, I'm behind!), for books from 08/06; plus a few golden oldies to fill the quota. Last column's DT! was solved by Lucas Siegel (who gets his second badge); and it was the fact that next to Dani Moonstar's image on the screen, you could see the letters "MA"; and whether you call her "Moonstar" or "Mirage", "MA" didn't fit.

What about The Dissector's Picks Of The Week? Well, Best Book Of The Week goes to Hellblazer Presents: Chas-The Knowledge #2; as it continues to give us a great story with interesting turns to Constantine's world. Worst Book Of The Week is the Hawkman Special; completely useless and boring. Now, the dissections!
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"WEST COAST!"

TITLE: Avengers West Coast (Marvel).

ISSUE: 53.

CULPRIT: John Byrne (writer) and/or Bill Oakley (letterer).

DISSECTION: One of those blasts from the past, from December, 1989, and part of the Acts Of Vengeance event. In this case, "years" is used instead of "year's".

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
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"BACK WHEN STEVE WAS CAP. THE OTHER CAP."

TITLE: Captain America V1 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 342.

CULPRIT: Mark Gruenwald (writer) and/or Jack Morelli (letterer).

DISSECTION: Another golden oldie; from June, 1988; from the great saga where Cap resigns and becomes The Captain, while the future U.S.Agent, John Walker, takes over as Captain America for a while. Highly recommendable, but Gruenwald has Fer de Lance, one of the Serpent Society's thugs speak Spanish, and Diamondback answers her with some of the same language. Gruenwald and Morelli use opening exclamation marks; and they even attempt to have an "Ñ" for the word "español"... but they put the accent on the "O", which is not only wrong, but impossible for the Spanish language.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, but only because of their other efforts.
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"AND CURRENT CONFUSION."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 86.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: When I spoke of Billie Lumpkin, I said "(and current", when it should have been "(and current FF mail person)". Thanks to Snakebyte for noticing this; he just made Commander in the HDSC!

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"SONT C'EST MOTS..."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 86.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: Jordan noticed that I wrote "mot" instead of "not" in the DT!. Thanks Ensign Jordan, and welcome to the HDSC! Sully also realized, but he told me after Jordan did.

DISSECT-O-METER: 2 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"IN GOOD COMPANY."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 86.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: I noticed this one myself; I omitted the company indicator from my JSA dissection.

DISSECT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BLUE JAY WAY."

TITLE: Final Crisis (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 07.

CULPRIT: J. G. Jones (artist).

DISSECTION: Jay Garrick's costume. You know, in a couple of columns from now, I'm giving up on this one, since I'm also running out of titles for this particular dissection. Stay tuned.

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HILL STREET BLONDES."

TITLE: Invincible Iron Man V2 (Marvel).

ISSUE: 04.

CULPRIT: Frank D'Armata (colorist).

DISSECTION: Again, Maria Hill hair is colored incorrectly.

DISSECT-O-METER: 5 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"BEHOLD, THE MIGHT OF THE IMPERIAL KLINGON EMPIRE'S IMPERIAL ARMADA OF IMPERIAL SHIPS AND IMPERIAL WARRIORS!"

TITLE: New Exiles (Marvel).

ISSUE: 09.

CULPRIT: Chris Claremont (writer).

DISSECTION: "The Imperial Chinese Empire"? Really, Chris? I understand imperial Chinese empire; as an expression... but "Imperial Chinese Empire" as an official name...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars. Also, Morph, as usual... but there's light at the end of the tunnel, when in the letters page, Psylocke says that some Earth-1218 (that's ours) people insist on spelling her name "Elisabeth" instead of "Elizabeth".
<-------------------------------->
"MASS EFFECT."

TITLE: Queen & Country (Oni Press).

ISSUE: 30.

CULPRIT: Greg Rucka (writer) and/or John Dranski (letterer).

DISSECTION: The word "effect" is used instead of "affect". And yes, this is another golden oldie, but not as old as the others.

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"WOLVERINE: DISSECTING MADE SIMPLE."

TITLE: Wolverine: Killing Made Simple (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Beth Sotelo (colorist).

DISSECTION: Quite easy.


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
So, we had ten dissections, and a Bazzar average of 5.1. Regular, I'd say. Before we leave, Moments Of The Week, starting with something hideous:


Artist Javier Aranda draws the ugliest Superman I've seen in a while... Then, a hair dyed Maria Hill pwns Tony Stark:


Good one, Maria, but keep your eyes peeled for Tony's peroxide overdose jokes. Then, a couple of Moments from the latest Knights Of The Dinner Table special. First, Gordo's handicapped, in a wheelchair, but he doesn't want to miss out on the paintball Assassin action. What will he do?


Of course, a Dalek tank! Then, Johnny K. doesn't let fatherhood prevent him from doing his favorite things:


Smoking, hitting on chicks, gaming, and covering the back of his fellow Knights. Oh, and I love his son's name!

Before we go, the latest updates on Jim's health (in case you didn't follow the link). From ICS.net's editor Dominik B.: "Update III: Jim had another surgery, which went over well. He's been awake quite a bit, but he will have to stay in hospital for a while longer. And he's been talking about life in general, and, of course, comic books. In other news, Jim wanted a cheeseburger, since the hospital food apparently isn't all that. Update IV: Good news, folks, Jim might be home by Friday, will be in bed for while longer, though. So far, wants a cheeseburger since hospital food apparently isn't all that."

That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

The Dissector #86.

DISCLAIMER (angry creators, please read)

[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

"To look into this, I'll need to create a new field of human endeavor. Give me a couple of days." Mr. Fantastic, Fantastic Four: True Story #1.

Mein Gott, this column has been on hold for a lot of time! I had to stop writing this particular issue days ago; when it was almost finished. Let's see; last column's DT! was spotted by DrSilent first at the ICS.net, but I didn't say anything on the comments at my blog, so Lucas Siegel also guessed it, and I'm giving the badge to both. DrSilent is one badge away from being a Lieutenant, quite a fast rise for someone who's only been in the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps for the last two or three columns; and let us welcome Ensign Lucas Siegel to the Corps!

Before we move in to the rest of the column, I want to point out that the book "Teenagers From The Future"; where my essay about the Legion Of Super-Heroes costumes is included, is finally available through Amazon! It's also available on Barnes & Nobles, and those stores will carry it for a couple of months or so, until it's available through Diamond Distribution's Previews catalogue for you to ask your Friendly Local Comic Book store to order it for you. A must for all Legion lovers; more info in this post.

Self promotion out of the way, I have to tell you that this is the last column for the month of July, about books released on 07/30; these next two weeks at work should be quieter, so I should be able to get closer to catching up. Best Book Of The Week was the Amazing Spider-Man Extra!; it was just fun and provided a bit more of insight into the new Spidey status quo; as if a weekly book isn't enough! Worst Book Of The Week was, without a doubt, Superman/Batman #50. This ridiculous anniversary issue introduces the horrible notion that through a device built by Jor-El, Thomas Wayne (Batman's father, for those of you not paying attention to the last seventy years of comics) visits Krypton before both superheroes were born.

The part about Jor-El being convinced about Earth's potential as his son refuge place because of Wayne's strength of character is acceptable; but what kills me is the fact that all of Wayne Enterprises success (or at least, its resurgence since it apparently was at a low point never mentioned before) comes from Thomas Wayne (who was a medical doctor) reverse-engineering Kryptonian technology. What? As we say in my country; (literally translated, but you'll understand it) "we've been surpassed by the water). Couple that with horrible writing (stuff like Superman claiming that a shard of Kryptonian crystal is his only link to his world, as if he didn't encounter at least one piece of Kryptonian garbage every two weeks), and inconsistent and sub par art (I hate extra-sized issues that have art by five different pencillers and switch them between pages of the same story; they should use them to do different tales), this is a complete waste of the paper is printed on.

Having said that, let's move onto the dissections for this particular column:
<-------------------------------->
"WONDERBRA!"

TITLE: DC Special: Cyborg (DC).

ISSUE: 03 of 06

CULPRIT: Mark Sable (writer).

DISSECTION: Wonder Girl is called "Wondergirl".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"PROOFREADERS, I LACK THEM."

TITLE: The Dissector (Studio Robota).

ISSUE: 85.

CULPRIT: MaGnUs (writer).

DISSECTION: DrSilent noticed that I applied great writing skills when I typed "is the one from are from the".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LIKE LIGHTNING."

TITLE: Justice Society Of America V3.

ISSUE: Annual #1.

CULPRIT: Dale Eaglesham (pinup penciller).

DISSECTION: Jay Garrick's costume, as usual...

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"I AM SO EXSIGHTED!"

TITLE: Project Superpowers (Dynamite).

ISSUE: 05 of 07.

CULPRIT: Jim Krueger (writer) and/or Simon Bowland (letterer).

DISSECTION: The Target (that's his codename) was "sited" in Amsterdam. I don't know, if I was following him, I'd rather he'd been "sighted".

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"FACE THE FACTS."

TITLE: Star Trek: Mirror Images (IDW).

ISSUE: 02 of 04.

CULPRIT: David Messina (artist).

DISSECTION: I'm enjoying this book, but what's with David Messina and not drawing people's faces?

DISSECT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"LUTHOR FASHION."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 50.

CULPRIT: Unidentified penciller.

DISSECTION: Well, you already know what I think about this issue... but there's a total of seven dissections in it as well. I'm going to just comment on a couple. First, Luthor (or actually a hologram of him) is wearing one armor design on one page, and a different one the next... what gives? And no, don't come with that "it's a hologram, it might be fluctuating" BS...

DISSECT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"HEY THERE, SPARKLY EYES."

TITLE: Superman/Batman (DC).

ISSUE: 50.

CULPRIT: John Rauch (colorist).

DISSECTION: Batman identifies the Darkseid hologram as holding the piece Kryptonian tech that's generating the holograms, because of a "golden glow" in his eyes... but his eyes are glowing red...

DISSECT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"THE DRAKES."

TITLE: X-Men: Odd Men Out (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Roger Stern (writer, first story) and/or Dave Sharpe (letterer, first story).

DISSECTION: Iceman is called "Icemen" on one page.

DISSECT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar.
<-------------------------------->
"AAAAH.... MYSTERY!"

TITLE: X-Men: Odd Men Out (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Dave Cockrum (penciller)

DISSECTION: This one is hard, and it's mot a costume design, that's already counted separately:


DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
"NEW MUTANTS, NEW COSTUMES?"

TITLE: X-Men: Odd Men Out (Marvel).

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Dave Cockrum (penciller)

DISSECTION: Dani Moonstar's costume is incorrectly portrayed.

DISSECT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
<-------------------------------->
Only fifteen dissections, and a measly average of 4.6 Bazzars. Sometimes I don't know whether I should be happy about low ratings, or sad... Moments Of The Week!!! First up, Spidey makes a joke for grown ups!:


That almost made the Quote Of The Week, but it wasn't as funny without the image. Second, trust James Kirk (mirror Kirk, that is), to find the best method to smuggle pieces for a secret device on board of the Pike helmed Enterprise:


Yes, baby, yes! He hid it in the clothes and most of the jewelry of three smoking hot Orion slave girls!!! And while Scotty assembles the device, Kirk... well, you get the picture. Next, writer Paul Cornell wrote an interesting first issue of Fantastic Four: True Story. I've never heard of him before, but Wikipedia tells me he wrote Captain Britain And MI: 13; and wrote Young Avengers Presents #4; both books I enjoyed, and he's written Doctor Who novels and audioplays; which I should check out. Anyhoo; he writes this fantastic (pardon the pun) scene for FF: True Story:


Stan Lee quality... Another scene from the same book; Willie Lumpkin's niece Billie (and current FF mail person) takes advantage of a catatonic Johnny Storm:


I wouldn't mind her doing that to me, I mean, look at her... Last, one more scene from FF: TS; Johnny Storm shows his deep understanding of classic literature:


Kevin Smith references get me every single time... That's it for now, until next week, I'll be on the outlook for more dissections, because (almost) nothing escapes...

THE DISSECTOR!

Teenagers From The Future Finally Available From Amazon!

Yeah, shameless self-promotion, I know. But I just wanted to share the glee, as this is my second (well, third, if you count a local magazine) printed work, and it's the most important so far because it's about a subject dear to me; the Legion of Super-Heroes, and it's a scholarly (yeah, I wish :>) essay, rather than fanboy gushing. Although I am a fanboy! And it's finally available from Amazon; and it'll be soon be available from comic stores via Diamond Distribution.

It's a book celebrating the 50th anniversary of the LSH, this is the blurb from the publisher:

"For half a century, the Legion of Super-Heroes has occupied its own, vital corner of the DC Universe – and comics fandom. The Legion’s expansive cast, bizarre characters, futuristic setting, extended storylines, and elaborate continuity all set it apart from other super-hero comics.

This essay collection, from fans and scholars alike, is as diverse as Legion history. Essays examine significant runs (by Jim Shooter, Paul Levitz, and Keith Giffen); the Legion’s science, architecture, and fashion; the role of women, homosexuality, and race; the early Legion’s classical adaptations, teenage cruelty, and relation to the early Justice League; Lightning Lad’s death and resurrection; whether the Legion should be allowed to age; the Amethyst saga; the themes of the reboot Legion; and the so-called Threeboot’s relationship to adult adolescence and generational theory.

No Legion fan or comics scholar should go without this critical celebration of the Legion."

If you zoom in the back cover, you can see my name:


However, as you can see, the publisher decided to go with my real name (Martín A. Pérez) instead of my usual nom de plume. You can also see it in table of contents, included along with the foreword by Matt Fraction, in this preview. Mine is the essay entitled "Fashion From The Future, or, I Swear Computo Forced Me To Wear This!"